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Open When...
Feeling overwhelmed? Open when… stress takes over.
Facing self-doubt? Open when… imposter syndrome strikes.
Lost your direction? Open when… you need fresh motivation.
This is the book for life's twists and turns, when being human starts to get complicated.
A must-have companion to Dr Julie's international bestseller Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?, which taught us the skills to strengthen our future mental health, Open When... is the book to turn to when you find yourself in the eye of the storm.
Within this book are a series of Open When style letters from Dr Julie to help navigate the moments of overwhelm, confusion or self-doubt that we all face when life gets messy.
Offering calm, clarity and a laser focus on the best way forward, each personal letter is followed by real-time tools that will help you re-frame the situation and decide on your next move.
Every chapter covers a new scenario; universal problems that each of us will likely face at some point. So, whether you’re experiencing:
• Stress
• Pressure to perform
• Dealing with difficult people
• Trying to fit in
• Making big decisions
• Arguments with your partner
• Big emotions causing anxiety
Open When... brings the words you need to hear to get back on the front foot, feeling ready to take on everything life throws your way.
Facing self-doubt? Open when… imposter syndrome strikes.
Lost your direction? Open when… you need fresh motivation.
This is the book for life's twists and turns, when being human starts to get complicated.
A must-have companion to Dr Julie's international bestseller Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?, which taught us the skills to strengthen our future mental health, Open When... is the book to turn to when you find yourself in the eye of the storm.
Within this book are a series of Open When style letters from Dr Julie to help navigate the moments of overwhelm, confusion or self-doubt that we all face when life gets messy.
Offering calm, clarity and a laser focus on the best way forward, each personal letter is followed by real-time tools that will help you re-frame the situation and decide on your next move.
Every chapter covers a new scenario; universal problems that each of us will likely face at some point. So, whether you’re experiencing:
• Stress
• Pressure to perform
• Dealing with difficult people
• Trying to fit in
• Making big decisions
• Arguments with your partner
• Big emotions causing anxiety
Open When... brings the words you need to hear to get back on the front foot, feeling ready to take on everything life throws your way.
380 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 31, 2024
1372 people are currently reading
8299 people want to read
About the author
Julie Smith
10 books867 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
Dr Julie Smith is a clinical psychologist with over a decade of professional experience. She is also an online educator and social media star with a combined following of more than 3 million.Julie launched her Tik Tok account to make her services more accessible; her posts on TikTok and Instagram have already amassed more than 20 million likes. She has appeared in two BBC films and on BBC Breakfast, CNN International and Radio 5 Live and has written for The Mail on Sunday, The Evening Standard and The Daily Telegraph.
Dr Julie Smith is a clinical psychologist with over a decade of professional experience. She is also an online educator and social media star with a combined following of more than 3 million.Julie launched her Tik Tok account to make her services more accessible; her posts on TikTok and Instagram have already amassed more than 20 million likes. She has appeared in two BBC films and on BBC Breakfast, CNN International and Radio 5 Live and has written for The Mail on Sunday, The Evening Standard and The Daily Telegraph.
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January 28, 2026
کتاب با عنوان «نامههایی برای وقتهایی که حالت خوش نیست» توسط نشر میلکان ترجمه و منتشر شده.
نویسنده بعد از تعریفوتمجید بسیار زیاد از کتاب قبلی خودش، یعنی «چرا تا به حال کسی اینها را به من نگفته بود»، مینویسه «پیش از طوفان به میخ و چکش نیاز داریدتا پناهگاهی بسازید و هنگام طوفان به آن پناه ببرید اما در دل تند باد میخ و چکش به کارتان نمی آید در این لحظه کسی باید باشد که به چشمانتان نگاه کند و حرف هایی بزند که در آن دم نیاز دارید بشنوید. کتاب اولم در واقع مصداق میخ و چکش است که پیش از طوفان به کار می آید اما این کتاب دست من است که در هیاهوی ناملایمات به سویتان دراز کردم تا بگویم من راه را بلدم بیا باهم از دل طوفان بگذریم!» (اعتماد به نفست رو کرم خاکی داشت میگفت سلطان جنگله)
معمولاً بزرگترین مشکل من با کتابهای خودیاری و انگیزشی، خودِ کودنپنداری هست.
این دسته از کتابها در درجهٔ اول تمام پیچیدگیهای ذهن و روان انسان رو نادیده میگیرند و پس از سلب قدرت تفکر و اختیار و چشمپوشی از گوناگونی رفتار افراد مختلف در موقعیتهای یکسان، روان پیچیدهٔ انسان رو به یک فانکشن تکورودی و تکخروجی تقلیل میدن و مغز رو یک ساختار ساده و فریبپذیر فرض میکنند که با جملات رنگارنگ و چند راهکار دمدستی احمق فرض میشه.
مثلاً فکر میکنم شنیده باشید که میگن در اوج اندوه و ملال شروع به خنده تصنعی کنید تا مغز با دریافت و پردازش پیامی که از انقباض ماهیچههای صورت میرسه، احساس خوشحالی رو منتقل بکنه. (یادمه در برنامه خندوانه تایم میگرفتند و به زور دو دقیقه هر هر هر دست جمعی میخندیدند!) در واقع افراد معتقد به اثرگذار بودن خنده های مصنوعی ادعا میکنند که مغز توان تفکیک خنده حقیقی از مصنوعی رو نداره و تحلیل خنده و ربط دادنش به خوشی توسط مغز فقط به پیامهای انقباضی ماهیچههای صورت بستگی داره! اما چیزی که مهمه اینه که ورودیهای مغز ما محدود به این چند پیام از ماهیچههای صورت نمیشه! اینکه ما میخندیم درحالیکه واقعاً چیزی برای خندیدن وجود نداره هم پردازش میشه و خلاصه که از قبلِ خندیدن، مغز ما تحلیل میکنه که این خندهها مصنوعی هست!
مگر اینکه شما دوست داشته باشید باور کنید که نفهمیدید خنده ها الکی بوده!!!
من حقیقتاً هیچوقت درک نکردم که چطور ممکنه مغز من به مغز من کلک بزنه یا به بیان دیگه، ایگوی من، ایگوی من رو فریب بده!؟
بحث اینکه دیگران ما رو فریب بدن کاملاً جداست؛ نهتنها روان ما بلکه جسم ما هم به این فریبها پاسخ میده. مثلاً اثر پلاسبو بارها به روشهای گوناگون اثبات شده و خود من هم به کسی که درگیر حملهٔ شدید میگرنی بوده، جای ریزاتریپتان، آنتیهیستامین دادم و کاملاً حالش جا اومده! اما خودم وقتی آنتیهیستامین رو جای ریزاتریپتان می خورم، چهطور ممکنه یادم بره آنتیهیستامین خوردم؟؟ چهطور ممکنه فریب بخورم و اثر ریزاتریپتان رو دریافت کنم؟؟
حتی بحث اثر تلقین هم تفاوت داره؛ بعضاً شما باور دارید که دمنوش آویشن میگرن شما رو بهبود میده، صد تا متخصص مغز و اعصاب هم قسم و آیه بخورن که آویشن هیچ ربطی به میگرن نداره، شما «باور» دارید و شاید اون هم بتونه اثری بذاره! ولی شما وقتی مطمئن هستید آویشن هیچ اثری بر پنیکهای میگرنی نداره، دشت آویشن رو هم در دریای خزر بریزید و یکنفس سر بکشید، واقعاً اثری نداره!
اینکه من از طرفی در غم و اندوه غوطهور باشم و در رنج و ملال دستوپا بزنم و از طرف دیگه بگم خیلی خوشبختم و هزار بار هم تکرار کنم، چه فایدهای داره؟ شما رو نمیدونم، ولی مغز من هر هزار بارش رو میگه: «... نخور!»
البته که اگر فکر میکنید کتاب مالامال از این خودفریبیها تشکیل شده، هم باید بگم که خیلی دستبالا گرفتینش! چون در واقع بخش عمدهٔ کتاب توضیح واضحات هست؛ آموزههایی که معمولاً در سن حساس و سرنوشتساز مهدکودک به فرزندان آموخته میشه! مثلاً اگر میخوای با کسی صحبت کنی، بذار وقتی باشه که عصبانی نیست، یا اگر میخوای از کسی نقد کنی و اثرگذار باشه، از فحش و ناسزا یا توهین و تحقیر استفاده نکن!
بقیهاش هم جملات بسیار حکیمانهای هست که شما رو شدیداً دچار تحول میکنه؛ مثلاً جولیجون یک جایی عرض میکنند که دست از نشخوار فکری بکش! چشم ارباب! سراسر زندگیم منتظر چنین کتابی بودم که به من بگه دست از نشخوار فکری بکشم! همچنین فرمودند اگر روابط پرتنشی با والدینتون داشتید، سعی کنید روابطتون رو بهبود ببخشید! یا نگذارید افراد مخرب زمام افکار و رفتارتان را در دست بگیرند!
در واقع بخش عمدهٔ کتاب این جملات بسیار تأثیرگذارِ آمرانه هست و بخش اندکی رو راهکارهایی تشکیل داده که همون بحث خودفریبی در موردش مطرح میشه...
حقیقتاً این کتاب برای من صفر ستاره هم نبود. البته که هر کاری کردم نتونستم تا آخرش بخونم و بعد از خوندن حدوداً نیمی از کتاب، فقط خطوط بلد شده و خلاصههای فصل های باقی مونده رو خوندم و کمی دستبالا بهش امتیاز دادم؛ چرا که میبینم این نوع از کتابها ظاهراً برای بعضی اثرگذار هست!
کتاب رو زمانی خوندم که حالم خوش نبود و نه تنها اثر مثبتی برای من نداشت حتی از اینکه کتاب بهتری نخوندم یا دستکم نخوابیدم و انقدر به چشمهام برای خوندن این چرندیات زحمت دادم حالم بدتر هم شد، اما فکر میکنم حتی اگر خودفریبی کمی هم سبب بهتر شدن حال بشه، باز من ترجیح میدم یک افسردهٔ در حال فروپاشیِ آگاه باشم تا یک سرخوشِ مشنگ!
البته که ترکیب ناجوری از هر دو شدم! بگذریم...
یقینا این کتاب رو به کسی پیشنهاد نمیکنم !
نویسنده بعد از تعریفوتمجید بسیار زیاد از کتاب قبلی خودش، یعنی «چرا تا به حال کسی اینها را به من نگفته بود»، مینویسه «پیش از طوفان به میخ و چکش نیاز داریدتا پناهگاهی بسازید و هنگام طوفان به آن پناه ببرید اما در دل تند باد میخ و چکش به کارتان نمی آید در این لحظه کسی باید باشد که به چشمانتان نگاه کند و حرف هایی بزند که در آن دم نیاز دارید بشنوید. کتاب اولم در واقع مصداق میخ و چکش است که پیش از طوفان به کار می آید اما این کتاب دست من است که در هیاهوی ناملایمات به سویتان دراز کردم تا بگویم من راه را بلدم بیا باهم از دل طوفان بگذریم!» (اعتماد به نفست رو کرم خاکی داشت میگفت سلطان جنگله)
معمولاً بزرگترین مشکل من با کتابهای خودیاری و انگیزشی، خودِ کودنپنداری هست.
این دسته از کتابها در درجهٔ اول تمام پیچیدگیهای ذهن و روان انسان رو نادیده میگیرند و پس از سلب قدرت تفکر و اختیار و چشمپوشی از گوناگونی رفتار افراد مختلف در موقعیتهای یکسان، روان پیچیدهٔ انسان رو به یک فانکشن تکورودی و تکخروجی تقلیل میدن و مغز رو یک ساختار ساده و فریبپذیر فرض میکنند که با جملات رنگارنگ و چند راهکار دمدستی احمق فرض میشه.
مثلاً فکر میکنم شنیده باشید که میگن در اوج اندوه و ملال شروع به خنده تصنعی کنید تا مغز با دریافت و پردازش پیامی که از انقباض ماهیچههای صورت میرسه، احساس خوشحالی رو منتقل بکنه. (یادمه در برنامه خندوانه تایم میگرفتند و به زور دو دقیقه هر هر هر دست جمعی میخندیدند!) در واقع افراد معتقد به اثرگذار بودن خنده های مصنوعی ادعا میکنند که مغز توان تفکیک خنده حقیقی از مصنوعی رو نداره و تحلیل خنده و ربط دادنش به خوشی توسط مغز فقط به پیامهای انقباضی ماهیچههای صورت بستگی داره! اما چیزی که مهمه اینه که ورودیهای مغز ما محدود به این چند پیام از ماهیچههای صورت نمیشه! اینکه ما میخندیم درحالیکه واقعاً چیزی برای خندیدن وجود نداره هم پردازش میشه و خلاصه که از قبلِ خندیدن، مغز ما تحلیل میکنه که این خندهها مصنوعی هست!
مگر اینکه شما دوست داشته باشید باور کنید که نفهمیدید خنده ها الکی بوده!!!
من حقیقتاً هیچوقت درک نکردم که چطور ممکنه مغز من به مغز من کلک بزنه یا به بیان دیگه، ایگوی من، ایگوی من رو فریب بده!؟
بحث اینکه دیگران ما رو فریب بدن کاملاً جداست؛ نهتنها روان ما بلکه جسم ما هم به این فریبها پاسخ میده. مثلاً اثر پلاسبو بارها به روشهای گوناگون اثبات شده و خود من هم به کسی که درگیر حملهٔ شدید میگرنی بوده، جای ریزاتریپتان، آنتیهیستامین دادم و کاملاً حالش جا اومده! اما خودم وقتی آنتیهیستامین رو جای ریزاتریپتان می خورم، چهطور ممکنه یادم بره آنتیهیستامین خوردم؟؟ چهطور ممکنه فریب بخورم و اثر ریزاتریپتان رو دریافت کنم؟؟
حتی بحث اثر تلقین هم تفاوت داره؛ بعضاً شما باور دارید که دمنوش آویشن میگرن شما رو بهبود میده، صد تا متخصص مغز و اعصاب هم قسم و آیه بخورن که آویشن هیچ ربطی به میگرن نداره، شما «باور» دارید و شاید اون هم بتونه اثری بذاره! ولی شما وقتی مطمئن هستید آویشن هیچ اثری بر پنیکهای میگرنی نداره، دشت آویشن رو هم در دریای خزر بریزید و یکنفس سر بکشید، واقعاً اثری نداره!
اینکه من از طرفی در غم و اندوه غوطهور باشم و در رنج و ملال دستوپا بزنم و از طرف دیگه بگم خیلی خوشبختم و هزار بار هم تکرار کنم، چه فایدهای داره؟ شما رو نمیدونم، ولی مغز من هر هزار بارش رو میگه: «... نخور!»
البته که اگر فکر میکنید کتاب مالامال از این خودفریبیها تشکیل شده، هم باید بگم که خیلی دستبالا گرفتینش! چون در واقع بخش عمدهٔ کتاب توضیح واضحات هست؛ آموزههایی که معمولاً در سن حساس و سرنوشتساز مهدکودک به فرزندان آموخته میشه! مثلاً اگر میخوای با کسی صحبت کنی، بذار وقتی باشه که عصبانی نیست، یا اگر میخوای از کسی نقد کنی و اثرگذار باشه، از فحش و ناسزا یا توهین و تحقیر استفاده نکن!
بقیهاش هم جملات بسیار حکیمانهای هست که شما رو شدیداً دچار تحول میکنه؛ مثلاً جولیجون یک جایی عرض میکنند که دست از نشخوار فکری بکش! چشم ارباب! سراسر زندگیم منتظر چنین کتابی بودم که به من بگه دست از نشخوار فکری بکشم! همچنین فرمودند اگر روابط پرتنشی با والدینتون داشتید، سعی کنید روابطتون رو بهبود ببخشید! یا نگذارید افراد مخرب زمام افکار و رفتارتان را در دست بگیرند!
در واقع بخش عمدهٔ کتاب این جملات بسیار تأثیرگذارِ آمرانه هست و بخش اندکی رو راهکارهایی تشکیل داده که همون بحث خودفریبی در موردش مطرح میشه...
حقیقتاً این کتاب برای من صفر ستاره هم نبود. البته که هر کاری کردم نتونستم تا آخرش بخونم و بعد از خوندن حدوداً نیمی از کتاب، فقط خطوط بلد شده و خلاصههای فصل های باقی مونده رو خوندم و کمی دستبالا بهش امتیاز دادم؛ چرا که میبینم این نوع از کتابها ظاهراً برای بعضی اثرگذار هست!
کتاب رو زمانی خوندم که حالم خوش نبود و نه تنها اثر مثبتی برای من نداشت حتی از اینکه کتاب بهتری نخوندم یا دستکم نخوابیدم و انقدر به چشمهام برای خوندن این چرندیات زحمت دادم حالم بدتر هم شد، اما فکر میکنم حتی اگر خودفریبی کمی هم سبب بهتر شدن حال بشه، باز من ترجیح میدم یک افسردهٔ در حال فروپاشیِ آگاه باشم تا یک سرخوشِ مشنگ!
البته که ترکیب ناجوری از هر دو شدم! بگذریم...
یقینا این کتاب رو به کسی پیشنهاد نمیکنم !
January 19, 2025
1.5 ⭐✨
This book lacks depth in every way.
It offers only the most general advice and explanations without ever truly addressing the problem or exploring its psychological impact—either on those involved or on the reader. Instead of meaningful insights, it delivers surface-level observations without any real substance.
_"Good friendships are great for your well-being. Bad friendships, not so much."_
Well, no sh*t, Sherlock. Thanks for wasting my time—and my bloody money.
This book lacks depth in every way.
It offers only the most general advice and explanations without ever truly addressing the problem or exploring its psychological impact—either on those involved or on the reader. Instead of meaningful insights, it delivers surface-level observations without any real substance.
_"Good friendships are great for your well-being. Bad friendships, not so much."_
Well, no sh*t, Sherlock. Thanks for wasting my time—and my bloody money.
March 6, 2025
**Many thanks to HarperOne and Julie Smith for a gifted copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!**
There are many reasons that TikTok has become the sort of cultural mainstay that nobody saw coming. Aside from the silly dance crazes, baking and crafting tips, and clips of everything from fascinating interviews to breathtaking musical performances, there's also been an emergence of mental health professionals 'finding an audience' and making mental health advice accessible to all...with NO copays involved. Dr. Julie Smith is one such psychologist, with her book "Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?" catapulting her to new heights of popularity.
Despite this internet fame, however, I actually hadn't heard any of Dr. Julie's advice before picking up this book...and now having completed what was ultimately designed to be a companion to her first, I'm wondering if that was a mistake...or perhaps just a happy accident.
The setup is simple and somewhat unique; essentially, Dr. Julie starts each section with a letter to the reader about what to do if you are feeling a certain way or stuck in a certain situation. Feeling like you need a bit of an on-call, specialized therapy session? Well...this book is designed to scratch that very itch. She first 'talks you down' and re-frames the specific problem, and then provides you with practical tools to work through the situation at hand.
This sounds like a simple, stripped down technique, and for good reason: it IS. But unfortunately, brevity acts as a substitute, rather than a supplement, for depth...and leaves much of the advice feeling trite, simple, and 'one size fits all.' This is the kind of self-help book for people who want to go to therapy just to have someone listen to them and say 'mmhm' encouragingly...NOT for someone trying to work through complex trauma or mental health struggles. Granted, writing a book intended for a wide audience lends itself to this in some respect...but I still have found so many other psychologists and self-help authors over the years who felt like they were speaking directly TO me, in ways I had never considered before, whereas this book felt like it offered a lot of pretty common sense advice, like "Don't have bad friends."🙄
I mean, yes. But I don't think any of us SET OUT to make bad friends or to encourage bad behavior to continue. Knowing that many of our problems or struggles are somewhat self inflicted doesn't necessarily help either, particularly for those who already are struggling to fight their demons. Again, this may simply be a personal issue of 'fit' and her advice might feel groundbreaking or life altering for another reader...it just didn't really inspire me or give me any sort of resonant themes to apply to every day life and ALL situations. Again, this is part of the trouble of attempting to write a self help book that covers SO many bases...if you're speeding by them, you don't have the opportunity to stop, stay a while, and make a REAL and lasting impact.
And although any self reflection and stopping to reach for a lifeline in this book's pages rather than jumping to impulsive action is probably a best practice for life in general, what I think this book taught me most of all is that when it comes to therapy, it's as important to be heard as it is to listen...and the best and most impactful communication should always at least FEEL like a true, two way street. 🚗
3.5 stars
There are many reasons that TikTok has become the sort of cultural mainstay that nobody saw coming. Aside from the silly dance crazes, baking and crafting tips, and clips of everything from fascinating interviews to breathtaking musical performances, there's also been an emergence of mental health professionals 'finding an audience' and making mental health advice accessible to all...with NO copays involved. Dr. Julie Smith is one such psychologist, with her book "Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?" catapulting her to new heights of popularity.
Despite this internet fame, however, I actually hadn't heard any of Dr. Julie's advice before picking up this book...and now having completed what was ultimately designed to be a companion to her first, I'm wondering if that was a mistake...or perhaps just a happy accident.
The setup is simple and somewhat unique; essentially, Dr. Julie starts each section with a letter to the reader about what to do if you are feeling a certain way or stuck in a certain situation. Feeling like you need a bit of an on-call, specialized therapy session? Well...this book is designed to scratch that very itch. She first 'talks you down' and re-frames the specific problem, and then provides you with practical tools to work through the situation at hand.
This sounds like a simple, stripped down technique, and for good reason: it IS. But unfortunately, brevity acts as a substitute, rather than a supplement, for depth...and leaves much of the advice feeling trite, simple, and 'one size fits all.' This is the kind of self-help book for people who want to go to therapy just to have someone listen to them and say 'mmhm' encouragingly...NOT for someone trying to work through complex trauma or mental health struggles. Granted, writing a book intended for a wide audience lends itself to this in some respect...but I still have found so many other psychologists and self-help authors over the years who felt like they were speaking directly TO me, in ways I had never considered before, whereas this book felt like it offered a lot of pretty common sense advice, like "Don't have bad friends."🙄
I mean, yes. But I don't think any of us SET OUT to make bad friends or to encourage bad behavior to continue. Knowing that many of our problems or struggles are somewhat self inflicted doesn't necessarily help either, particularly for those who already are struggling to fight their demons. Again, this may simply be a personal issue of 'fit' and her advice might feel groundbreaking or life altering for another reader...it just didn't really inspire me or give me any sort of resonant themes to apply to every day life and ALL situations. Again, this is part of the trouble of attempting to write a self help book that covers SO many bases...if you're speeding by them, you don't have the opportunity to stop, stay a while, and make a REAL and lasting impact.
And although any self reflection and stopping to reach for a lifeline in this book's pages rather than jumping to impulsive action is probably a best practice for life in general, what I think this book taught me most of all is that when it comes to therapy, it's as important to be heard as it is to listen...and the best and most impactful communication should always at least FEEL like a true, two way street. 🚗
3.5 stars
November 14, 2024
There are tough experiences universal to humanity and “Open When…” by Dr. Julie Smith is a collection of letters that addresses many such experiences in the form of a letter for the reader to open when. This book isn’t designed to be read straight through, it’s designed to be a life raft for a certain situation when you need it, and as such, this book belongs on every book shelf.
Each chapter begins with a letter from Dr Julie Smith on a specific topic — like “open when… you experience the death of a loved one.” The letter portion is comforting, compassionate, and provides a sense of anchored-ness for the days you might feel lost at sea. The letter has reminders of what is true even when it feels like truth is unattainable. Following the letter, there are tools you can use and practice when you are feeling engulfed by the season you’re in to make small and incremental steps that you can take to regain your footing. After that, for those days when you just don’t have it in you to read a letter, there is a succinct section of key take aways that provide the bulk of the message in small bite sized sentences in a bulleted list.
This book is one I wish I had for many tough seasons of life, and I’m so grateful this resource is being made available now. This is a book that will be on my shelf and I highly recommend it if you’re human.
I would like to thank HarperOne and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
Each chapter begins with a letter from Dr Julie Smith on a specific topic — like “open when… you experience the death of a loved one.” The letter portion is comforting, compassionate, and provides a sense of anchored-ness for the days you might feel lost at sea. The letter has reminders of what is true even when it feels like truth is unattainable. Following the letter, there are tools you can use and practice when you are feeling engulfed by the season you’re in to make small and incremental steps that you can take to regain your footing. After that, for those days when you just don’t have it in you to read a letter, there is a succinct section of key take aways that provide the bulk of the message in small bite sized sentences in a bulleted list.
This book is one I wish I had for many tough seasons of life, and I’m so grateful this resource is being made available now. This is a book that will be on my shelf and I highly recommend it if you’re human.
I would like to thank HarperOne and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
December 20, 2025
Mi se pare o carte utilă care te poate ajuta să gestionezi anumite momente prin care treci.
Nu e potrivită să o citești din scoarță în scoarță, cred că e mai bine să o răsfoiești și să iei din ea ce ai nevoie la momentul potrivit.
Nu e potrivită să o citești din scoarță în scoarță, cred că e mai bine să o răsfoiești și să iei din ea ce ai nevoie la momentul potrivit.
January 14, 2026
เห็นชื่อหนังสือครั้งแรก ผมก็แอบคิดว่า "คำตอบอะไรวะ?" แต่เอาเถอะเหมือนจะดีก็คว้ากลับบ้านมาก่อน แล้วจังหวะที่ได้แกะซีลเปิดอ่านก็ดันมาเหมาะเจาะช่วงต้นปีพอดี เป็นช่วงที่เหมาะจะเริ่มต้นและทบทวนชีวิต แล้วบอกเลยว่ามันดีมากครับ
สำหรับใครที่กำลังเบิร์นเอ้าท์ สมองวิ่งเป็นลูปกังวลไม่หยุด อยากดูแลหัวจิตหัวใจตัวเองแต่ขอแบบไม่ซับซ้อน ไม่ยาว หนังสือเล่มนี้เหมาะเลยครับ เขาแบ่งบทตามสถานการณ์ อารมณ์ และความรู้สึก เล่าแบบสั้นๆ จบในตอน ถือว่าอ่านง่ายพึ่งพาได้จริงเลยหละครับ
สำหรับใครที่กำลังเบิร์นเอ้าท์ สมองวิ่งเป็นลูปกังวลไม่หยุด อยากดูแลหัวจิตหัวใจตัวเองแต่ขอแบบไม่ซับซ้อน ไม่ยาว หนังสือเล่มนี้เหมาะเลยครับ เขาแบ่งบทตามสถานการณ์ อารมณ์ และความรู้สึก เล่าแบบสั้นๆ จบในตอน ถือว่าอ่านง่ายพึ่งพาได้จริงเลยหละครับ
November 30, 2025
The author provides very basic knowledge in this book that most people can discover on their own, making the entire book unnecessary.
February 27, 2025
Nachdem mir ihr erstes Buch gut gefallen hat, war ich gespannt auf Open When. Diesmal widmet sich Dr. Julie Smith verschiedenen Alltagsfragen – von Imposter-Syndrom über Zweifel an Freundschaften bis hin zur Elternschaft.
Positiv ist, dass sie zu jedem Thema praktische Tipps gibt und am Ende jedes Abschnitts eine kurze Zusammenfassung liefert. Das macht das Buch übersichtlich und leicht zugänglich. Allerdings bleibt sie oft an der Oberfläche, ohne wirklich in die Tiefe zu gehen. Es wirkt eher wie ein Buch, das „geschrieben werden musste“, als eines, das mit echtem Engagement und neuer Substanz helfen will.
Viele Themen haben mich nicht angesprochen, und insgesamt haben etwa 60 % der Tipps für mich keinen wirklichen Mehrwert geboten. Wer bereits mit Selbsthilfebüchern vertraut ist, könnte hier wenig Neues finden.
February 26, 2025
DNF.
I muscled my way through half this book. While the different chapters seemed promising, the broad strokes that followed fell flat. There wasn’t much depth to navigating through each chapter, and I am not entirely sure that I agree with some of her way points.
For example:
“If you feel like you don’t belong, work harder to make others feel like they belong. “
I mean, I guess I see where she is coming from, and yet…I don’t know…there is something not exactly right about this either.
This is a book that I had hoped to “open when” I needed some solace or comfort, a way forward - but instead I found no comfort here. More like a repetition of try harder.
Definitely not the right book for me.
I muscled my way through half this book. While the different chapters seemed promising, the broad strokes that followed fell flat. There wasn’t much depth to navigating through each chapter, and I am not entirely sure that I agree with some of her way points.
For example:
“If you feel like you don’t belong, work harder to make others feel like they belong. “
I mean, I guess I see where she is coming from, and yet…I don’t know…there is something not exactly right about this either.
This is a book that I had hoped to “open when” I needed some solace or comfort, a way forward - but instead I found no comfort here. More like a repetition of try harder.
Definitely not the right book for me.
January 26, 2026
This book saved my life!😭
มีปัญหานึงที่คิดไม่ตกมาหลายเดือนจะทำแบบนั้นดีไหม จะดีเหรอว้า จะ... จะ...เอ่อ😔
เปิดหนังสือแบบอ่านไปเรื่อย ไม่คิดอะไร ที่หน้ากลางๆเล่ม...เจอคำแนะนำบางอย่างที่ตรงกับปัญหา แล้วลองกล้าๆทำตามดู(หนังสือบอกให้ทำทันทีแต่นี่กว่าจะกล้าก็คิดอีกหลายคืน)...พอได้ลองทำก็โล่ง...และช่วยให้ชีวิตไปต่อได้จริง😭
พิมพ์แล้วจะร้อง😭 ขอบคุณมากๆเลยนะ❤
Ps.ใครให้1ดาวไม่ต้องเสียใจนะ ที่goodreadsประเทศไทยมีตรงนี้1คนให้🌟100ดวงเลย
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
มีปัญหานึงที่คิดไม่ตกมาหลายเดือนจะทำแบบนั้นดีไหม จะดีเหรอว้า จะ... จะ...เอ่อ😔
เปิดหนังสือแบบอ่านไปเรื่อย ไม่คิดอะไร ที่หน้ากลางๆเล่ม...เจอคำแนะนำบางอย่างที่ตรงกับปัญหา แล้วลองกล้าๆทำตามดู(หนังสือบอกให้ทำทันทีแต่นี่กว่าจะกล้าก็คิดอีกหลายคืน)...พอได้ลองทำก็โล่ง...และช่วยให้ชีวิตไปต่อได้จริง😭
พิมพ์แล้วจะร้อง😭 ขอบคุณมากๆเลยนะ❤
Ps.ใครให้1ดาวไม่ต้องเสียใจนะ ที่goodreadsประเทศไทยมีตรงนี้1คนให้🌟100ดวงเลย
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Read
July 7, 2025no rating ⭐️
though not all of the things mentioned in this book felt applicable to my life, a lot of it also did! I especially loved the chapters on panic attacks/anxiety as it gave me so much more insight on these feelings/emotions! Overall, a great book filled with so many important truths and helpful exercises!
though not all of the things mentioned in this book felt applicable to my life, a lot of it also did! I especially loved the chapters on panic attacks/anxiety as it gave me so much more insight on these feelings/emotions! Overall, a great book filled with so many important truths and helpful exercises!
August 27, 2025
Наръчник за бърза психологична помощ: https://knigolandia.info/otvori-togav...
Когато през лятото на 2022 г. излезе „Защо никой не ми го е казал досега?“ на д-р Джули Смит (доктор по психология и клинична психология), едно от първите книги в това, което щеше да се превърне в поредица за популярна психология, не очаквах, че ще намери толкова много читатели – разбира се, не казвам, че се търси колко роментъзитата, но в нехудожествената литература често очакванията са силно занижени. С времето разбрах, че този тип книги са нужни и полезни, стига да са написани въз основа на реални знания и практически опит в областта, а след като прочетох още много други, разбрах защо точно Джули Смит е толкова популярна – профилите ѝ в „Инстаграм“ и „ТикТок“ са следвани от буквално милиони, доста смайващо.
Ciela Books
https://knigolandia.info/otvori-togav...
Когато през лятото на 2022 г. излезе „Защо никой не ми го е казал досега?“ на д-р Джули Смит (доктор по психология и клинична психология), едно от първите книги в това, което щеше да се превърне в поредица за популярна психология, не очаквах, че ще намери толкова много читатели – разбира се, не казвам, че се търси колко роментъзитата, но в нехудожествената литература често очакванията са силно занижени. С времето разбрах, че този тип книги са нужни и полезни, стига да са написани въз основа на реални знания и практически опит в областта, а след като прочетох още много други, разбрах защо точно Джули Смит е толкова популярна – профилите ѝ в „Инстаграм“ и „ТикТок“ са следвани от буквално милиони, доста смайващо.
Ciela Books
https://knigolandia.info/otvori-togav...
April 4, 2025
Hiss: Intressant och tilltalande upplägg, däremot…
Diss: gick boken aldrig riktigt in på ”djupet” och skrapade endast lite på ytan.
Diss: gick boken aldrig riktigt in på ”djupet” och skrapade endast lite på ytan.
March 25, 2025
2.5 - i know this book is probably meant for the general population with little prior knowledge but for me it still lacks a lot of depth
October 12, 2025
rokasgrāmata "ikdienas ķibelēm", kas varbūt nav kompakta izmēros, taču ir kompakta autores rakstības stilā.
Klīniskā psiholoģe Džulija Smita grāmatā aplūko dažādas sarežģītas un grūtas dzīves situācijas un palīdz lasītājam palūkoties uz situāciju "no malas", atrast savu pozitīvo iekšējo balsi un kopīgi "izkāpt no bedres".
Es ticu, ka pat tas lasītājs, kas ikdienā "nepatērē" šāda veida literatūru, grāmatā vismaz pāris nodaļās saskatīs sevi un situāciju, kādā esi kaut reizi pabijis. Domāju, ka ir vērts iemest aci ikvienam.
Sevis salīdzināšana ar citiem, piederības sajūta un iekļaušanās, izpatikšana citiem, ģimenes 𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘦𝘴, gan attiecībās ar vecākiem, gan attiecībās ar bērniem, ja esi jau vecāks, un mūžīgā nelaime - 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨. Un arī par to, kad vienkārši 𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗮 𝗶𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝘂𝗱𝘇!
Par šo un vēl daudz citiem tematiem tu vari izlasīt grāmatā "Atveriet, kad...".
Kā jau minēju, grāmatā katrs varēs atrast kādu nodaļu sev. Man, piemēram, nebija aktuāla nodaļa par attiecībām ar bērniem, tomēr pārskrēju tai pāri "pa diognāli".
Sanāca šo grāmatu lasīt ik pa brīdim vairāku mēnešu garumā, taču priekš manis tas bija pareizākais variants. Šī "rokasgrāmata" manu plauktu nepametīs.♡
Kā jau šāda veida grāmatās, autore neskopojas ar trāpīgiem un kodolīgiem padomiem. Katras nodaļas beigās ir kopsavilkums ar svarīgāko, kas lieliski noder steidzīgākiem lasītājiem un brīžos, kad vēlies vēlreiz iemest aci, lai atrastu kādu domu pavedienu, kas bija tevi uzrunājis, bet nav laika pārlasīt visu grāmatu.
Iesaku vismaz pašķirstīt. Varbūt tieši Tev šobrīd dzīvē ir grūts periods, un šī grāmata varētu kalpot kā atspēriena punkts uz gaišāku skatu nākotnē.♡
Klīniskā psiholoģe Džulija Smita grāmatā aplūko dažādas sarežģītas un grūtas dzīves situācijas un palīdz lasītājam palūkoties uz situāciju "no malas", atrast savu pozitīvo iekšējo balsi un kopīgi "izkāpt no bedres".
Es ticu, ka pat tas lasītājs, kas ikdienā "nepatērē" šāda veida literatūru, grāmatā vismaz pāris nodaļās saskatīs sevi un situāciju, kādā esi kaut reizi pabijis. Domāju, ka ir vērts iemest aci ikvienam.
Sevis salīdzināšana ar citiem, piederības sajūta un iekļaušanās, izpatikšana citiem, ģimenes 𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘦𝘴, gan attiecībās ar vecākiem, gan attiecībās ar bērniem, ja esi jau vecāks, un mūžīgā nelaime - 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨. Un arī par to, kad vienkārši 𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗮 𝗶𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝘂𝗱𝘇!
Par šo un vēl daudz citiem tematiem tu vari izlasīt grāmatā "Atveriet, kad...".
Kā jau minēju, grāmatā katrs varēs atrast kādu nodaļu sev. Man, piemēram, nebija aktuāla nodaļa par attiecībām ar bērniem, tomēr pārskrēju tai pāri "pa diognāli".
Sanāca šo grāmatu lasīt ik pa brīdim vairāku mēnešu garumā, taču priekš manis tas bija pareizākais variants. Šī "rokasgrāmata" manu plauktu nepametīs.♡
Kā jau šāda veida grāmatās, autore neskopojas ar trāpīgiem un kodolīgiem padomiem. Katras nodaļas beigās ir kopsavilkums ar svarīgāko, kas lieliski noder steidzīgākiem lasītājiem un brīžos, kad vēlies vēlreiz iemest aci, lai atrastu kādu domu pavedienu, kas bija tevi uzrunājis, bet nav laika pārlasīt visu grāmatu.
Iesaku vismaz pašķirstīt. Varbūt tieši Tev šobrīd dzīvē ir grūts periods, un šī grāmata varētu kalpot kā atspēriena punkts uz gaišāku skatu nākotnē.♡
July 27, 2025
Книгата на д-р Джули Смит е своеобразно продължение на предишната й, дори в някои от главите има препратки към техники и упражнения от предишната книга. Не мога да я нарека "скучна" или "непълна" книга, но със сигурност е доста по-слаба от "Защо никой не ми го е казал досега".
Разбира се, и тук се намират "съкровища", което е напълно очаквано, но все пак остава едно усещане за повторяемост и предъвкване на нещата.
Не мога да кажа, че покупката й е била излишна, доволна съм да я притежавам в библиотетака си, и знам, че рано или късно отново ще я отворя, но... Има едно НО, което...
Хубавото е, че стилът на авторката е все така приятелски и нежен, точно като разговор на четири очи с близък човек. Идеята с личните писма в началото на всяка глава са много добри, и смея да твърдя, че в голяма част от главите, точно тези писма дават необходимото, което търси човек в съответните ситуации.
Надявам се по-нататък във времето да се появи и трета книга, за мен лично д-р Джули е човекът, чиито думи често действат като "протегната ръка" в нетолкова приятните ситуации в живота (най-вече в първата й книга).
Разбира се, и тук се намират "съкровища", което е напълно очаквано, но все пак остава едно усещане за повторяемост и предъвкване на нещата.
Не мога да кажа, че покупката й е била излишна, доволна съм да я притежавам в библиотетака си, и знам, че рано или късно отново ще я отворя, но... Има едно НО, което...
Хубавото е, че стилът на авторката е все така приятелски и нежен, точно като разговор на четири очи с близък човек. Идеята с личните писма в началото на всяка глава са много добри, и смея да твърдя, че в голяма част от главите, точно тези писма дават необходимото, което търси човек в съответните ситуации.
Надявам се по-нататък във времето да се появи и трета книга, за мен лично д-р Джули е човекът, чиито думи често действат като "протегната ръка" в нетолкова приятните ситуации в живота (най-вече в първата й книга).
June 25, 2025
.5 stars for writing
1 star for research
.5 stars for premise
.5 stars for impact
0 stars for liking it
So, be careful with this particular rating because I'm writing it as a therapist and in terms of personal usefulness. As someone who has been on this journey for a WHILE-this book was limitedly useful for me. HOWEVER, I will absolutely use this with clients and I completely recommend it to anyone who may have missed basic emotional literacy/how to be human education for whatever reason.
1 star for research
.5 stars for premise
.5 stars for impact
0 stars for liking it
So, be careful with this particular rating because I'm writing it as a therapist and in terms of personal usefulness. As someone who has been on this journey for a WHILE-this book was limitedly useful for me. HOWEVER, I will absolutely use this with clients and I completely recommend it to anyone who may have missed basic emotional literacy/how to be human education for whatever reason.
March 7, 2025
Me ha parecido un libro mucho más práctico que el primero y un gran complemento a ese inicio de Julie Smith como escritora de libros. Es un título bien organizado y con una estructura que permite, a quien lo necesite, ir directamente al tema en cuestión y encontrar una respuesta a su pregunta o necesidad.
Me ha gustado mucho que recuerde la importancia de pedir ayuda y consultar con un terapeuta en muchos momentos de la lectura, porque al final el libro es un complemento, pero en ningún caso puede sustituir a la terapia con un profesional.
Si le tengo que poner un pero diría que mezcla muchísimas cosas y que al final uno se pierde un poco con cada tema nuevo, al no estar realmente desarrollados. Toca muchos palos, pero ninguno lo suficiente como para ser memorable.
Creo que es un libro que hubiera ganado mucho más si hubieran optado por hacer pequeñas guías de cada tema y publicarlas por separado, o habiéndose centrado más en menos temas y explicarlos mejor. Publicado tal y como está, se queda un poco en tierra de nadie entre esas dos opciones.
Me ha gustado mucho que recuerde la importancia de pedir ayuda y consultar con un terapeuta en muchos momentos de la lectura, porque al final el libro es un complemento, pero en ningún caso puede sustituir a la terapia con un profesional.
Si le tengo que poner un pero diría que mezcla muchísimas cosas y que al final uno se pierde un poco con cada tema nuevo, al no estar realmente desarrollados. Toca muchos palos, pero ninguno lo suficiente como para ser memorable.
Creo que es un libro que hubiera ganado mucho más si hubieran optado por hacer pequeñas guías de cada tema y publicarlas por separado, o habiéndose centrado más en menos temas y explicarlos mejor. Publicado tal y como está, se queda un poco en tierra de nadie entre esas dos opciones.
dnf
February 27, 2025DNF @ page 210 or so. Seems very bland and generic. I don't think I've come across one piece of genuinely helpful advice over the last 200 pages that I have read.
February 3, 2025
9 – When They Don’t Love You Back
The only way through the pain of a broken heart is to find ways to move forward, so that you can witness yourself doing just that. You cannot sit in the darkness and convince yourself that it will all be ok, you have to make it ok. The belief that you can have a future beyond this point comes when you prove it to yourself.
Our inherent worth as a human being stands separate from the actions of others. So, their affections are not a measure of us, they never were. Let your response to this and the fight to start a new chapter be the measure of you instead.
Another trap that will keep you stuck in the darkness of heartbreak is the idealizing or villainizing of the person who did not love you back. When you idealize them, you recall only the most desirable aspects of their character, remember only the fondest of memories. You immerse yourself in the good and mute the memories of their mistakes, the ways they disappointed you or hurt you. Or you villainize them and sentence yourself to living in anger and bitte resentment and all the bad they did to you. When we are not in the pain of heartbreak, it is much easier to understand the true complexity of each individual without branding anyone as simply good or bad.
Moving on simply means filling the space they left in your life with other connections, contributions, and endeavours that add to your life in a meaningful way.
Identify each of these voids and fill them. Whether it will be lost social circles, activities you once enjoyed together, or plans for the future. Each of them can and must be rebuilt so that you can reestablish a solid foundation for your life and how you see yourself within it. Doing this helps you recognize that your lost person was just one piece of the puzzle, not the whole thing. While you feel the urge to withdraw from other layers of your life, it is wholly necessary to hold on to these tightly and to continue to nurture all parts of your life that make it worthwhile and meaningful.
Nurture the relationship that continues. The relationship that continues is, of course, the one with yourself. It is hard not to slip into the blame game, and torture yourself with fantasies of what you could or should have done or not done.
If you find yourself constantly looking back with rose-tinted vision, it can help to simply keep a list of things in which that person was not right for you, or made having a healthy relationship difficult. Remind yourself that missing someone does not mean that they were right for you. Conversely, if you find yourself demonizing the person, and subsequently living in anger or bitterness, you could create a list of their better qualities and acknowledge they are not all bad.
Key Take-Aways from this Chapter:
1. When a relationship ends, a grieving response is natural, so allow space for this. You might stop sleeping, lose appetite, and find it generally difficult to function.
2. Step into the other layers of your life that matter to you, and focus your energy on these things that help you recover your life and move on.
3. Torturing yourself with blame for all those ways in which you weren’t enough does nothing for you. If you wish to acknowledge your mistakes in order to break cycles for future relationships, that learning can only take place in compassion.
10 – When They Love You, But You Won’t Let Them Get Close
Understanding attachment styles: attachment styles are not set in stone. Our romantic relationships in adulthood continue to affect and adapt our attachment style for better or worse. So, anyone with a secure attachment can become more anxious or avoidant in their relationships after a negative experience, but the good news here is that things can also go in the other direction.
22 – When Grief Overwhelms You
Experiencing depression symptoms is not unusual, but make sure to do the things that will help during that period:
• Let the people in your life comfort you and support you
• Spend time outdoors
• Move your body every day
• Make time for deep rest
Let it rain, but take an umbrella. Pain is the agent for change:
• Don’t turn your pain on the ones that remain
• Don’t turn the pain on yourself
• Acknowledge and express, talk to friends, journal
• Connect to the loved ones who remain
Movement changes your brain chemistry: your body will be in fight-or-flight mode, physical exercise is instrumental in the capacity to nurture your own mental health in the face of grief
• Any form of movement that increases your heart rate and demands you to breathe more deeply and use your muscles has a considerable impact on your brain chemistry and acts as a spring board for your mental health
• Within a few minutes of exercise, you experience a boost of adrenaline and dopamine that gives you more energy and counters the fatigue that often accompanies grief
• After 20 minutes a mix of endorphins have been shown to enhance our capacity of optimism, pleasure, and connection with others. In grief, all three of those need as much help as they can get.
• Whatever your choice of movement, if you do it along side of people, your brain senses that connection and you can benefit from an enhanced sense of belonging, trust, and generally feeling less alone.
• Aim to increase movement in a way that suits you best and is enjoyable.
Take-Aways:
1. Feel what you feel.
2. Distraction help
3. Don’t turn the pain on yourself or people around you who love you
4. Grief is not just an experience of the mind but also of the body. Exercise can help with mental health
5. Connection is key, support and let yourself be supported
The only way through the pain of a broken heart is to find ways to move forward, so that you can witness yourself doing just that. You cannot sit in the darkness and convince yourself that it will all be ok, you have to make it ok. The belief that you can have a future beyond this point comes when you prove it to yourself.
Our inherent worth as a human being stands separate from the actions of others. So, their affections are not a measure of us, they never were. Let your response to this and the fight to start a new chapter be the measure of you instead.
Another trap that will keep you stuck in the darkness of heartbreak is the idealizing or villainizing of the person who did not love you back. When you idealize them, you recall only the most desirable aspects of their character, remember only the fondest of memories. You immerse yourself in the good and mute the memories of their mistakes, the ways they disappointed you or hurt you. Or you villainize them and sentence yourself to living in anger and bitte resentment and all the bad they did to you. When we are not in the pain of heartbreak, it is much easier to understand the true complexity of each individual without branding anyone as simply good or bad.
Moving on simply means filling the space they left in your life with other connections, contributions, and endeavours that add to your life in a meaningful way.
Identify each of these voids and fill them. Whether it will be lost social circles, activities you once enjoyed together, or plans for the future. Each of them can and must be rebuilt so that you can reestablish a solid foundation for your life and how you see yourself within it. Doing this helps you recognize that your lost person was just one piece of the puzzle, not the whole thing. While you feel the urge to withdraw from other layers of your life, it is wholly necessary to hold on to these tightly and to continue to nurture all parts of your life that make it worthwhile and meaningful.
Nurture the relationship that continues. The relationship that continues is, of course, the one with yourself. It is hard not to slip into the blame game, and torture yourself with fantasies of what you could or should have done or not done.
If you find yourself constantly looking back with rose-tinted vision, it can help to simply keep a list of things in which that person was not right for you, or made having a healthy relationship difficult. Remind yourself that missing someone does not mean that they were right for you. Conversely, if you find yourself demonizing the person, and subsequently living in anger or bitterness, you could create a list of their better qualities and acknowledge they are not all bad.
Key Take-Aways from this Chapter:
1. When a relationship ends, a grieving response is natural, so allow space for this. You might stop sleeping, lose appetite, and find it generally difficult to function.
2. Step into the other layers of your life that matter to you, and focus your energy on these things that help you recover your life and move on.
3. Torturing yourself with blame for all those ways in which you weren’t enough does nothing for you. If you wish to acknowledge your mistakes in order to break cycles for future relationships, that learning can only take place in compassion.
10 – When They Love You, But You Won’t Let Them Get Close
Understanding attachment styles: attachment styles are not set in stone. Our romantic relationships in adulthood continue to affect and adapt our attachment style for better or worse. So, anyone with a secure attachment can become more anxious or avoidant in their relationships after a negative experience, but the good news here is that things can also go in the other direction.
22 – When Grief Overwhelms You
Experiencing depression symptoms is not unusual, but make sure to do the things that will help during that period:
• Let the people in your life comfort you and support you
• Spend time outdoors
• Move your body every day
• Make time for deep rest
Let it rain, but take an umbrella. Pain is the agent for change:
• Don’t turn your pain on the ones that remain
• Don’t turn the pain on yourself
• Acknowledge and express, talk to friends, journal
• Connect to the loved ones who remain
Movement changes your brain chemistry: your body will be in fight-or-flight mode, physical exercise is instrumental in the capacity to nurture your own mental health in the face of grief
• Any form of movement that increases your heart rate and demands you to breathe more deeply and use your muscles has a considerable impact on your brain chemistry and acts as a spring board for your mental health
• Within a few minutes of exercise, you experience a boost of adrenaline and dopamine that gives you more energy and counters the fatigue that often accompanies grief
• After 20 minutes a mix of endorphins have been shown to enhance our capacity of optimism, pleasure, and connection with others. In grief, all three of those need as much help as they can get.
• Whatever your choice of movement, if you do it along side of people, your brain senses that connection and you can benefit from an enhanced sense of belonging, trust, and generally feeling less alone.
• Aim to increase movement in a way that suits you best and is enjoyable.
Take-Aways:
1. Feel what you feel.
2. Distraction help
3. Don’t turn the pain on yourself or people around you who love you
4. Grief is not just an experience of the mind but also of the body. Exercise can help with mental health
5. Connection is key, support and let yourself be supported
June 15, 2025
A thought provoking book, which can give essential tools for dealing with different situations, however is best linked to the previous book written by the author which is admitted as much by herself in the beginning.
This book is for people who are suffering with different forms of mental health issues, it gives insights ranging from grief to people who are struggling with imposter syndrome.
I liked that I was allowed to zone in and out and chapters that were more relevant to me, and this was very clear throughout the process of reading the book. There was lots of useful tools for me to follow, which whilst basic, allowed me to reset my understanding of my mental health. I also liked that it allowed me time to reflect on how far I have actually came, since reading the first book. It felt as though I was not being lectured and more guided on the basics.
The positives, are also a drawback. Naturally, having read the first book I was able to reflect on what I had learnt there, however it is not certain that everyone will have read that book, which then leads them to see it as just giving vague basics which I can also see. Often, I felt that the book was somewhat repetitive, as it touched upon similar topics.
I would recommend this, firstly to anybody who has read the first book, and secondly to anybody who is starting out on their mental health recovery, as this will enable them to put into place the basics spring-boarding them to a more positive mental space.
This book is for people who are suffering with different forms of mental health issues, it gives insights ranging from grief to people who are struggling with imposter syndrome.
I liked that I was allowed to zone in and out and chapters that were more relevant to me, and this was very clear throughout the process of reading the book. There was lots of useful tools for me to follow, which whilst basic, allowed me to reset my understanding of my mental health. I also liked that it allowed me time to reflect on how far I have actually came, since reading the first book. It felt as though I was not being lectured and more guided on the basics.
The positives, are also a drawback. Naturally, having read the first book I was able to reflect on what I had learnt there, however it is not certain that everyone will have read that book, which then leads them to see it as just giving vague basics which I can also see. Often, I felt that the book was somewhat repetitive, as it touched upon similar topics.
I would recommend this, firstly to anybody who has read the first book, and secondly to anybody who is starting out on their mental health recovery, as this will enable them to put into place the basics spring-boarding them to a more positive mental space.
April 4, 2025
Open When... by Dr Julie Smith is a warm, insightful, and practical guide designed to be a companion through lifes trickier moments. Structured around chapters titled "Open When…" – like "Open when you feel like an imposter" or "Open when your heart is breaking" – each one begins with a compassionate letter from the author before diving into grounded, actionable advice. From grief and breakups to self-doubt and stress, this book covers so much.
It’s neatly split into three parts – When it’s hard to be with yourself, When it’s hard to be with other people, and When it’s hard to be with your feelings – and I found the way she framed emotional challenges genuinely supportive without being patronising. Thankfully, it's also not too preachy.
I can imagine picking this one up when dealing with a specific issue and needing some reassurance, jumping to the appropriate chapter to help reground yourself (or at least remind you, you'll be okay).
It’s neatly split into three parts – When it’s hard to be with yourself, When it’s hard to be with other people, and When it’s hard to be with your feelings – and I found the way she framed emotional challenges genuinely supportive without being patronising. Thankfully, it's also not too preachy.
I can imagine picking this one up when dealing with a specific issue and needing some reassurance, jumping to the appropriate chapter to help reground yourself (or at least remind you, you'll be okay).
Read
October 18, 2025Δώρο από φίλη πριν 2 μήνες (19 Αυγούστου) όταν έκανα το κοκτέιλ πάρτι σπίτι μου επ’ ευκαιρίας συμπλήρωσης ενός χρόνου μετά την έναρξη της χημειοθεραπείας.
Τώρα που γράφω αυτή τη κριτική συμπληρώθηκε και ένας χρόνος από τη λήξη της χημειοθεραπείας (15 Οκτωβρίου).
Πρώτη φορά διαβάζω βιβλίο ψυχολογίας. Και επειδή από πέρσι αφού μου το πρότειναν οι γιατροί έχω 2 φορές τον μήνα συνεδρίες με ψυχολόγο μπορώ να δω γιατί σε κάποιους δεν άρεσε το συγκεκριμένο βιβλίο.
Διότι ο ψυχολόγος δε θα σου δώσει αντιβίωση για να ξεπεράσεις το social anxiety ή την αναβλητικότητα ή οτιδήποτε άλλο έχεις αλλά με συζήτηση και συμπλήρωμα μιας ντουζίνας συναντήσεων.
Ετσι και αυτό το βιβλίο, παρόλο που ο τίτλος λέει άνοιξε όταν, δε θα σου δώσει την λύση απλά διαβάζοντας το κεφάλαιο άνοιξε όταν έχεις θυμό, ή το κεφάλαιο άνοιξε όταν πενθείς μια απώλεια.
Βοηθά αλλά όχι με την πρώτη ή τη δεύτερη ανάγνωση αλλά με περισσότερες.
Παρόλο που το διάβασα σαν μυθιστόρημα (cover to cover) πιστεύω θα το ξανανοίξω όποτε το χρειαστώ.
Να πεις (που το λεν πολλοί) ότι αυτό το βιβλίο είναι επιφανειακό είναι σαν να λες δεν ξεπέρασα την αραχνοφοβία μου μετά το πρώτο ραντεβού στον ψυχολόγο. Ε φυσικά και όχι, ένα ραντεβού δεν είναι αρκετό. Το ίδιο και με το βιβλίο αυτό, μια ανάγνωση δεν είναι αρκετή.
Τώρα που γράφω αυτή τη κριτική συμπληρώθηκε και ένας χρόνος από τη λήξη της χημειοθεραπείας (15 Οκτωβρίου).
Πρώτη φορά διαβάζω βιβλίο ψυχολογίας. Και επειδή από πέρσι αφού μου το πρότειναν οι γιατροί έχω 2 φορές τον μήνα συνεδρίες με ψυχολόγο μπορώ να δω γιατί σε κάποιους δεν άρεσε το συγκεκριμένο βιβλίο.
Διότι ο ψυχολόγος δε θα σου δώσει αντιβίωση για να ξεπεράσεις το social anxiety ή την αναβλητικότητα ή οτιδήποτε άλλο έχεις αλλά με συζήτηση και συμπλήρωμα μιας ντουζίνας συναντήσεων.
Ετσι και αυτό το βιβλίο, παρόλο που ο τίτλος λέει άνοιξε όταν, δε θα σου δώσει την λύση απλά διαβάζοντας το κεφάλαιο άνοιξε όταν έχεις θυμό, ή το κεφάλαιο άνοιξε όταν πενθείς μια απώλεια.
Βοηθά αλλά όχι με την πρώτη ή τη δεύτερη ανάγνωση αλλά με περισσότερες.
Παρόλο που το διάβασα σαν μυθιστόρημα (cover to cover) πιστεύω θα το ξανανοίξω όποτε το χρειαστώ.
Να πεις (που το λεν πολλοί) ότι αυτό το βιβλίο είναι επιφανειακό είναι σαν να λες δεν ξεπέρασα την αραχνοφοβία μου μετά το πρώτο ραντεβού στον ψυχολόγο. Ε φυσικά και όχι, ένα ραντεβού δεν είναι αρκετό. Το ίδιο και με το βιβλίο αυτό, μια ανάγνωση δεν είναι αρκετή.
March 5, 2025
This is Dr. Julie Smith's second book. I learned much from her first book 'Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before', and in this sequel, Julie Smith addresses her followers in a more personal way with encouragement and practical advice in specific situations.
That approach has its ups and downs: not every reader will need everything that is in this book, because people are in so many different situations in life and may or may not already have benefited from therapy. The upside is that the book can be a good tool to have when situations like the ones described occur at one point or another in life.
Dr. Smith's warm and friendly tone makes the book easy to read and understand, offering helpful advice without judgment. Each chapter begins with a letter to the reader, followed by real-time tools to navigate various life challenges. This structure allows readers to pick up the book as needed, making it a versatile resource.
This is not just a book for people in crisis situations, but can also be very helpful for those who know people that are and would like to help. The book's practical approach and relatable style make it a valuable companion for life's twists and turns.
That approach has its ups and downs: not every reader will need everything that is in this book, because people are in so many different situations in life and may or may not already have benefited from therapy. The upside is that the book can be a good tool to have when situations like the ones described occur at one point or another in life.
Dr. Smith's warm and friendly tone makes the book easy to read and understand, offering helpful advice without judgment. Each chapter begins with a letter to the reader, followed by real-time tools to navigate various life challenges. This structure allows readers to pick up the book as needed, making it a versatile resource.
This is not just a book for people in crisis situations, but can also be very helpful for those who know people that are and would like to help. The book's practical approach and relatable style make it a valuable companion for life's twists and turns.
July 23, 2025
3,5 / 5 ⭐️
kuuntelin äänikirjana ja toimi oikein hyvin. uskon että muutamia vuosia taaksepäin tämä olis ollut aivan erinomainen kirja mulle, mutta nyt nämä tärkeät asiat on itselle jo aika tuttuja ja useasti kuultuja, joten tämä ei ehkä tässä hetkessä saanut mussa mitään suurta valaistumista tai voimaantumista. mutta sairaan tärkeitä piintteja joita on tottakai hyvä muistutella itselle koko elämän ajan.
kuuntelin äänikirjana ja toimi oikein hyvin. uskon että muutamia vuosia taaksepäin tämä olis ollut aivan erinomainen kirja mulle, mutta nyt nämä tärkeät asiat on itselle jo aika tuttuja ja useasti kuultuja, joten tämä ei ehkä tässä hetkessä saanut mussa mitään suurta valaistumista tai voimaantumista. mutta sairaan tärkeitä piintteja joita on tottakai hyvä muistutella itselle koko elämän ajan.
October 18, 2025
3.5✨
Gostei muito, achei um livro muito bem estruturado e bastante útil.
Acaba por funcionar também como livro de consulta para quando precisamos de trabalhar determinado “problema”, para mim foi bastante útil e recomendo.
Além disso, as técnicas e dicas oferecidas foram bastante claras e algumas coisas apesar de serem “básicas” sabe sempre bem relembrar e acho que as cartas da autora ajudaram muito nesse sentido.
Gostei muito, achei um livro muito bem estruturado e bastante útil.
Acaba por funcionar também como livro de consulta para quando precisamos de trabalhar determinado “problema”, para mim foi bastante útil e recomendo.
Além disso, as técnicas e dicas oferecidas foram bastante claras e algumas coisas apesar de serem “básicas” sabe sempre bem relembrar e acho que as cartas da autora ajudaram muito nesse sentido.
August 2, 2025
This was a quick read but I did not find an awful lot that was relevant to me. I guess I am just really mentally healthy ... Another one off my TBR pile so that's happy days for me!! 🥳🥳
June 21, 2025
Es waren viele hilfreiche Themen im Buch. Es hatte auch eine große Reichweite an Themen, also es könnte wirklich für jeden eine Situation dabei sein, in der man sich gerade befindet. Und bei manchen Kapiteln, wo man nicht so relaten kann, kann man diese auch überspringen, weil am Ende jedes Kapitels steht noch eine Seite mit dem Wichtigsten Sachen zusammengefasst und man kann sich das durchlesen. Aber bei wirklich schweren Problemen hilft das Buch nicht (was die Autorin auch nochmal verdeutlicht). Wenn man was schwerwiegenderes hat, sollte man sich professionelle Hilfe suchen und nicht nur ein Buch lesen.
January 9, 2025
3.5 rounded up. This book came to me right when I needed it. It was easy to digest, though basic at times. I guess it depends how much therapy you've had, haha. Regardless, I'd give it a read if you get in your own way sometimes or need a very gentle reminder to get your shit together.
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June 3, 2025"Pirmajā vietā pašcieņa, nevis pašvērtējums." (273.lpp.)
Džūliju Smitu iepazinu ar viņas pirmo grāmatu "Kāpēc neviens man to iepriekš nav teicis?", kā arī viņas ļoti veiksmīgi nostrādātos, aci piesaistošos un īsajos Instagram video, kuros viņa pieķeras dažādām problēmām un vizuāli prezentē situāciju izklāstu. Nav brīnums, ka šis trendīgais formāts uzrunā miljoniem skatītāju, jo kurš gan nav sapņojis par svarīgu tēmu pārfrāzēšanu pāris teikumos.
Jaunajā grāmatā "Atveriet, kad.." klīniskā psiholoģe turpina iesākto un uzrunā savus lasītājus tieši- katrai nodaļai veltot īpašu vēstuli, savā ziņā radot ilūzijas sajūtu, ka esi ieradies pie savas terapeites, kura velta uzmanību tieši tev. Grāmata fokusējas uz sarežģīto dzīves mirkļu pārvarēšanu, kurā mēs vēlamies iederēties, iegūt pārliecību par sevi vai atrisināt problemātiskas attiecības ar draugiem, ģimeni vai darba kolēģiem.
"Atgādiniet sev, ka ilgoties pēc kāda nenozīmē, ka šis cilvēks bija jums piemērots." (114.lpp.)
26 nodaļās Smita apskata tādas tēmas kā- "Kad vēlaties uzvarēt strīdā", "Kad īsti draugi nav īsti draugi", "Kad virsroku ņēmušas sēras" utt. Sajūta, ka no bezgalīgi plašām un dziļām tēmam, Smita ir kodolīgi izvilkusi esenci un vienkāršā, viegli sagremojamā veidā atstāstījusi.
Neskatoties uz to, ka nodaļas jau tā ir īsas un kodolīgas, Smita ir veltījusi katrai nodaļai vēl īsākus citātus, kas saucas "vērtīgas atziņas", savā ziņā dublējot pašai savu vēstījumu.
Tajā pat laikā tiek mēģināts arī aktīvi iesaistīt pašu lasītāju, iedodot praktiskus vingrinājumus vai aicinot izmēģināt.
No vienas puses šis rada tādu saldā krējuma nosmelšanas principu, kurā kaut kas tiek pateikts un aiztaupa spēju rakt dziļāk. No otras puses- var saprast, ka tieši šāds formāts der steidzīgajai skrullētāju paaudzei, jo mums ir grūti koncentrēties, gribas visu uzzināt ātri un tagad, iegūt tūlītēju rezultātu un lasīt kopsavilkumus, lai pēc iespējas ātrāk uzzinātu svarīgākos pieturas punktus. Tāpēc man nerodas jautājums, kāpēc Smitas grāmatas iegūt miljoniem cilvēku atzinību. Bet, kas der visiem, neder nevienam- balansējot uz vispārinājumiem, grāmatā pietrūkst detalizētākas informācijas, kas apskatītu ikvienu no problēmām.
Papildus bonus ir autores "meitene no blakusmājas" rakstīšanas stilam, kurā liekas, ka ar tevi sarunājas, ja ne gluži draudzene, bet katrā ziņā ieinteresēts sarunubiedrs, kuram rūp, kā tu jūties.
Grāmata kādam var būt mierinājums, ka viss, kas ar tevi notiek, ir normāli un tu neesi tāds vienīgais. Mēs nevaram izvairīties no sarežģītām attiecībām ar cilvēkiem apkārt, bet mēs varam mainīt savu uztveri, kā mēs reaģējam uz to, kas ar mums notiek. Un labi zināms vecais- mēs katrs esam pats savas galaktikas centrs, un pa lielam, citi ir pārāk aizņemti ar sevi, lai atlicinātu laiku, domājot par mums.
Es teiktu, ka grāmata kādam var rast pozitīvo sajūtu, ka ir labi justies tā, kā mēs konkrētos brīžos jūtamies, it sevišķi tad, kad mums liekas, ka mēs esam vienīgie, kas sevi apšauba, baidās un viļas.
"Nav tā, ka sabiedrībā par sevi pārliecināti cilvēki būtu atraduši maģisku formulu, kā izvairīties no neveikliem brīžiem. Viņi vienkārši nepievērš tiem uzmanību. Dažkārt koncentrēšanās uz to, no kā vēlaties izbēgt, liek nokļūt tieši lāča nagos." (51.lpp.)
Grāmata, kas patiks steidzīgajai paaudzei, kura vēlas vieglā, draudzīgā veidā atrast kodolīgus, motivējošus padomus, kas uzlabotu ikdienas cīņu ar savām domām, apkārtējiem un visu pasauli
3.7 zvaigznes
Tulkotāja: Agnese Orupe
Džūliju Smitu iepazinu ar viņas pirmo grāmatu "Kāpēc neviens man to iepriekš nav teicis?", kā arī viņas ļoti veiksmīgi nostrādātos, aci piesaistošos un īsajos Instagram video, kuros viņa pieķeras dažādām problēmām un vizuāli prezentē situāciju izklāstu. Nav brīnums, ka šis trendīgais formāts uzrunā miljoniem skatītāju, jo kurš gan nav sapņojis par svarīgu tēmu pārfrāzēšanu pāris teikumos.
Jaunajā grāmatā "Atveriet, kad.." klīniskā psiholoģe turpina iesākto un uzrunā savus lasītājus tieši- katrai nodaļai veltot īpašu vēstuli, savā ziņā radot ilūzijas sajūtu, ka esi ieradies pie savas terapeites, kura velta uzmanību tieši tev. Grāmata fokusējas uz sarežģīto dzīves mirkļu pārvarēšanu, kurā mēs vēlamies iederēties, iegūt pārliecību par sevi vai atrisināt problemātiskas attiecības ar draugiem, ģimeni vai darba kolēģiem.
"Atgādiniet sev, ka ilgoties pēc kāda nenozīmē, ka šis cilvēks bija jums piemērots." (114.lpp.)
26 nodaļās Smita apskata tādas tēmas kā- "Kad vēlaties uzvarēt strīdā", "Kad īsti draugi nav īsti draugi", "Kad virsroku ņēmušas sēras" utt. Sajūta, ka no bezgalīgi plašām un dziļām tēmam, Smita ir kodolīgi izvilkusi esenci un vienkāršā, viegli sagremojamā veidā atstāstījusi.
Neskatoties uz to, ka nodaļas jau tā ir īsas un kodolīgas, Smita ir veltījusi katrai nodaļai vēl īsākus citātus, kas saucas "vērtīgas atziņas", savā ziņā dublējot pašai savu vēstījumu.
Tajā pat laikā tiek mēģināts arī aktīvi iesaistīt pašu lasītāju, iedodot praktiskus vingrinājumus vai aicinot izmēģināt.
No vienas puses šis rada tādu saldā krējuma nosmelšanas principu, kurā kaut kas tiek pateikts un aiztaupa spēju rakt dziļāk. No otras puses- var saprast, ka tieši šāds formāts der steidzīgajai skrullētāju paaudzei, jo mums ir grūti koncentrēties, gribas visu uzzināt ātri un tagad, iegūt tūlītēju rezultātu un lasīt kopsavilkumus, lai pēc iespējas ātrāk uzzinātu svarīgākos pieturas punktus. Tāpēc man nerodas jautājums, kāpēc Smitas grāmatas iegūt miljoniem cilvēku atzinību. Bet, kas der visiem, neder nevienam- balansējot uz vispārinājumiem, grāmatā pietrūkst detalizētākas informācijas, kas apskatītu ikvienu no problēmām.
Papildus bonus ir autores "meitene no blakusmājas" rakstīšanas stilam, kurā liekas, ka ar tevi sarunājas, ja ne gluži draudzene, bet katrā ziņā ieinteresēts sarunubiedrs, kuram rūp, kā tu jūties.
Grāmata kādam var būt mierinājums, ka viss, kas ar tevi notiek, ir normāli un tu neesi tāds vienīgais. Mēs nevaram izvairīties no sarežģītām attiecībām ar cilvēkiem apkārt, bet mēs varam mainīt savu uztveri, kā mēs reaģējam uz to, kas ar mums notiek. Un labi zināms vecais- mēs katrs esam pats savas galaktikas centrs, un pa lielam, citi ir pārāk aizņemti ar sevi, lai atlicinātu laiku, domājot par mums.
Es teiktu, ka grāmata kādam var rast pozitīvo sajūtu, ka ir labi justies tā, kā mēs konkrētos brīžos jūtamies, it sevišķi tad, kad mums liekas, ka mēs esam vienīgie, kas sevi apšauba, baidās un viļas.
"Nav tā, ka sabiedrībā par sevi pārliecināti cilvēki būtu atraduši maģisku formulu, kā izvairīties no neveikliem brīžiem. Viņi vienkārši nepievērš tiem uzmanību. Dažkārt koncentrēšanās uz to, no kā vēlaties izbēgt, liek nokļūt tieši lāča nagos." (51.lpp.)
Grāmata, kas patiks steidzīgajai paaudzei, kura vēlas vieglā, draudzīgā veidā atrast kodolīgus, motivējošus padomus, kas uzlabotu ikdienas cīņu ar savām domām, apkārtējiem un visu pasauli
3.7 zvaigznes
Tulkotāja: Agnese Orupe
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