I Need a New Butt!

by Dawn McMillan, Ross Kinnaird

A young boy suddenly notices a big problem — his butt has a huge crack! So he sets off to find a new one. Will he choose an armor-plated butt? A rocket butt? A robot butt? Find out in this quirky tale of a tail, which features hilarious rhymes and delightful illustrations.

Genres: Picture Books, Childrens, Humor, Fiction, Kids, Banned Books, Juvenile

32 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2012

Reviews

[Emily May · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel the same as a lot of other adults who've reviewed this book do: I don't really get it. The premise is quite funny-- "I need a new butt. Mine's got a crack!" But then this boy goes on a journey to find a new butt (a green one? a wood one? a robot one?) and I just didn't find it funny.

But, well, I'm not the target audience, and the actual target audience adored this book. He asked me to read it again and again, so what do I know? I must be old.

[Sandysbookaday (on indefinite hiatus) · Rating 4 out of 5]

EXCERPT: I need a new bum! Mine's got a crack .....

ABOUT THIS BOOK: A young boy suddenly notices a big problem — his butt has a huge crack! So he sets off to find a new one. Will he choose an armor-plated butt? A rocket butt? A robot butt? Find out in this quirky tale of a tail, which features hilarious rhymes and delightful illustrations. Children and parents will love this book — no ifs, ands, or butts about it!

MY THOUGHTS: A huge thank you to Carla Johnson-Hicks who posted a video clip of a Scottish woman reading this to her wee grandson on her webpage carlalovestoread.wordpress.com - it was hilarious, I had tears of laughter running down my cheeks and I almost wet myself. It is honestly, the funniest thing that I have ever seen. (Other than Billy Connolly live). Maybe it's the Scottish thing.....

Luke didn't have quite the same reaction, but he still thought it was pretty darned funny and we all had to take turns at reading it to him. In the end, he couldn't make up his mind whether he wanted a rocket bum or a robo bum.

😂🤣😂🤣

THE AUTHOR: Kia ora

I live in an amazing place, on the Thames Coast of the Coromandel Peninsula in New Zealand.

I work from a little studio in my back garden. I look out my studio window across the park to the beach. Many of my stories are about the sea, or about nature. We have the bush close by and I love to walk alongside the Waiomu Stream, right up to a grove of magnificent Kauri.

But not all my stories come from nature. I keep a watch on what’s happening around me and I listen to what people say. Sometimes a joke can give me an idea. But most of my stories come from my own experience…the happy times, the sad times, and the special people I’ve known.

You’ll see that I do a lot of readers for schools. I enjoy doing these. They’re like a story and a puzzle combined. The story is the most important part but there are lots of reading level challenges to get right too. The readers go all over the world, with some of them translated into other languages.

Come and see us sometime. Bring your swimming gear and your fishing rods. If you let me know you’re coming I’ll make you some hokey-pokey biscuits.

DISCLOSURE: I purchased I Need a New Bum written by Dawn McMillan and illustrated by Ross Kinnaird, published by Oratia from my local bookstore, PaperPlus. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own and my grandson Luke's personal opinions.

For an explanation of my rating system please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page or the about page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com

This review and others are also published on Twitter, Instagram and my webpage https://sandysbookaday.wordpress.com/...

[Diane S ☔ · Rating 4 out of 5]

A novel experience to receive a book recommendation from ones mailman. His name is Josh and he's a Dad to two young boys aged 4 and 6. Anyone who has or has been around young children know they go through a toilet humor stage and this book uses this humor in an amusing way. The young boy in the story uses his imagination to picture different buts, some decorated, some made of different materials. Colorful illustrations and a recognizable ending. Too cute!!

[Eliza · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was just ... weird. 😅

[Jon Nakapalau · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just a very fun and silly book - loved the art.

[James · Rating 2 out of 5]

‘I Need a New Bum’ (2018) – by Dawn McMillan, with illustrations by Ross Kinnaird – is a fun and silly story aimed squarely at its target audience demographic of largely bum/pooh fixated 2-6 year olds.

For a supposed ‘internet sensation’ and with the subject matter being potentially so much fun – ‘Need a New Bum’ is somewhat underwhelming; it’s just okay, it’s quite amusing at best – but in the right hands could definitely have been lots more fun than it is. But then again – maybe I’m just too old?

[Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars
I found some of the humour in this forced at times, but I can see it would appeal to young children.
The ending fell flat and lacked any kind of closure. I know I’m an adult and may be expecting too much from a book aimed at children, but the end just seemed anticlimactic.

[Kellee Moye · Rating 4 out of 5]

Trent says I’m wrong and that the book is definitely 5 stars.

[Sandra Nedopričljivica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Now I see why the "Scottish Granny" on YouTube is laughing out loud. Really nice, with great illustrations.

[Christian West · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short, cute book about a boy who wonders what kind of new bum he should get because his has a crack in it. Amusing and the pictures are cute.
Oh, and I want a rocket bum, all fire and thrust.

[Jennifer Tabler · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ok im no prude and I read this and I don't think it is appropriate for kids. It says fart I don't know how many times and shows many butts. I know the kids see a lot worse but why add more crap to there brains.

[Licha · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars

It's a kid's book. It's supposed to be silly. First couple of pages made me laugh out loud so it was enough to reel me in but the rest kind of failed for me. However, I'm not the target audience, so this might be funny enough for a kid to laugh all the way through.

[Elise Bryant · Rating 5 out of 5]

masterpiece

[Adriana Scarpin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Assisti um vídeo da @thescottishgranny onde ela lia esse livro para o neto e prontamente fui procurá-lo pra ler. É tão divertido quanto ela mostrou mesmo.

[McKenzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was hilarious. A rhyming book about needing a new butt because it has a crack is a fun read to have with kids and adults (my husband and I stumbled across it in the bookstore and I giggled like a child while reading.

[Alex Sarll]

When people talk about how modern children's literature needs to address the issues that concern young people, I assume this is what they mean.

[aPriL does feral sometimes · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘I Need a New Butt!’ by Dawn McMillan is a silly picture book for little kids! Since I laughed my ass off several times, too, I guess old farts will enjoy the fun as well. I assume it will be a book that parents read to their kids. I assiduously examined the pages and I did not find anything but a lot of asinine jokes which despite the toilet humor, cracked me up! There are literally hundreds of YouTube videos by little kids, moms, grandmas, and teachers loving this book and assessing it as the kind of book which entices children to continue with their reading lessons.

I have copied the book blurb:

”A young boy suddenly notices a big problem — his butt has a huge crack! So he sets off to find a new one. Will he choose an armor-plated butt? A rocket butt? A robot butt? Find out in this quirky tale of a tail, which features hilarious rhymes and delightful illustrations.”

Some MAGA and Christian Evangelical adults have deemed the book crass, asserting the book is no asset to any library or home. Republicans bent over for these few blowhards and passed laws. As a result, in 2025 any teacher who tries to introduce this book to kids now, or any librarian caught recommending it this year, will be prosecuted and put in prison in at least two states. In most other Midwest and Southern United States states teachers and librarians will lose their jobs and whatever certifications they have after having been fired. Plus, MAGAs invent further harassments, and worse, given recent events of MAGA attacks in the news on the homes and family members of people MAGA and Christian members don’t like. MAGA politicians continue to assail the reading public with threats of closing down libraries that don’t comply in meeting MAGA demands for censorship of any materials not meeting with White supremacist evangelical standards. As a result, ‘I Need a New Butt’ is a banned book in those places where MAGA politicians, with their assubjugating agenda, have taken over the local school boards and state congress and governor’s office.

[Mehsi · Rating 5 out of 5]

A laugh out loud book about a little boy who decides he needs a new butt… his got a crack!


I already eyed this book some time now, but then I read an article that a principal in the US got fired after reading this book! We can’t have that. Really, it is getting freaking ridiculous with all the book banning and book this and that being “bad”. So I thought I would read this one, write a review! Help this book get some love, show it is silly to ban books/fire people for reading a book like this. So I moved around some things in my blog schedule (I am all full for March and half of April) so that this book’s review would be up quickly.

In this hilarious book that will delight young readers (and also some older ones, like me) we meet a little boy who finds out that his butt is cracked. Yep. And so he wonders where it happened. I just had such a laugh at all he was imagining could be the cause. From a fart to a slide. To be honest, the fart was very relatable. XD

And then follows the quest on what new butt to choose. There are all sorts of butts, from coloured ones to flair (taking the saying to a new and literal level). I had so much fun seeing him think of all the butts he could have, and BOY there are many. I would definitely not mind having a choice of butts. Would be fun! I laughed a lot during this part. So so much.

The art was also fun. The illustrator really can draw butts! And it made everything written become even more funny.

The ending, I was wondering how it would go, butt I definitely hadn’t seen that one coming. It is a good ending!

All in all, this book is just fantastic. Let’s stop banning books and just have fun again. Let kids read and be read aloud to whatever they want. If they want butts, then go for it! Recommended!

Review first posted at https://twirlingbookprincess.com/

[Emily Jones · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is what literature has been reduced to these days? Unbelievable. I’m sure children would find some humor in this book with its presentation of different silly ideas for a “replacement butt,” yet it’s just not well done. The ending makes little sense and seems to end abruptly. I’m also just not a fan of encouraging “potty humor” in the minds of children. Let children be children, but this is not funny.

[Julee · Rating 2 out of 5]

I know little kids love to laugh about butts and booties all day long. I spend a lot of time with four and five year boys and every other word seems to be poop. Even so, I didn't really get this book. I think it would be funnier as a birthday or get well card. I can't see me using I Need a New Butt as a library read aloud to children.

[Amanda [Novel Addiction] · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this for a few reasons...
1. It's funny
2. Give the library an extra eBook stat
3. Because it's absolutely ridiculous that someone was fired for reading this book. I bet the kids that were listening to that storytime thought it was absolutely hilarious.

[Elena · Rating 1 out of 5]

don’t get it. no moral of the story. how did he not notice his butt crack earlier in his life??? doesn’t make sense. 0/5 stars. read this in the aisle at target.

[Pietrino · Rating 2 out of 5]

cringe

[Natalie Park · Rating 4 out of 5]

Banned book…so of course I had to read it!

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I only read it because an educator got fired for reading it to students. Kids love it.

[Joanne, drinker of tea, reader of books, servant to cats · Rating 5 out of 5]

For full transparency, I didn't read this book. Instead, I watched a video where it was read aloud for a kid based target audience. To be completely honest, it made me smile and I watched the video several times.

I will also put here that this book came to my attention when I read a review on my Goodreads feed (thanks Gregg) which stated that Toby Price, a Mississippi vice-principal had been fired because he read this book out to a bunch of elementary school kids (lower primary). It seems the school administrators are not amused by bum and fart references.

This is exactly the kind of book that would get my 7 year old great-nephew giggling. He is at the age where all fart and bum humour is the height of great literature. While middle-aged me jokingly eye-rolls to his mother about his current taste in books, I am simply happy that he wants to read. So, I have ordered a copy of the book and its follow up, and they are now on their way to my great-nephew for his enjoyment.

This is the kind of book that can engage kids into reading books. The illustrations are colourful, relevant to the text, and funny. The story itself is the right level of sillyness and playfulness that you want in a kids book. Not surprisingly it abounds in bum and fart jokes, and even has some bum puns. Admittedly, the text may not earn the author a spot in Poet's Corner, but then again, this is not supposed to be high poetry.

It can be difficult getting kids interested in books and reading. Any book that can capture a kid's interest and have them wanting to read it again, and then read another book is a good book - a great book.

And seriously, if you take an honest look back to your own childhood, can anyone say that they didn't giggle at a fart or bum joke when they were young?

[Roz]

Shopping for pressies for my nephew! (I read it. It counts. It's December and I am behind my reading goals!)

I was first introduced to this book by The Scottish Granny on Youtube, who read it aloud to her very young grandson between snorts of laughter. Sounded perfect.

The story is pretty simple. The kid realises that his bum is broken. It is cracked. From there he wonders how it happened, to thinking up daft ways to replace his bum.

I think what surprised me the most was the vocabulary in this. I have taught some kids in high school who wouldn't necessarily know some of those words. But then, hose unfortunate kids never had their grannies read to them (or their moms, dads or other interested family members). If what the research suggests is true, that one is able to learn the most up until the age of 5, then please read books with good vocab!

Anyway, this was a fun read - even for me.

[Addy Orangutan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book taught me so much about my identity and who I say I am. Now I can look behind me and not be afraid at what I see. No longer is it just some alien substance latched upon me, it is a part of me! I have a butt!! And I don’t really mind if it’s cracked;)
👉👈🥹

[Jesa Burgoyne · Rating 5 out of 5]

NEWTS Readathon
Career: Graphic Designer
Subject: Charms
Prompt: Cheering Charm- read a humorous book
Grade: A, Acceptable

[kait · Rating 4 out of 5]

A masterpiece