The Leopard in My House: One Man’s Adventures in Cancerland

by Mark Steel

‘I feel like there’s a leopard in my house, locked in a room. I’ve contacted the leopard authorities and they assure me they are used to dealing with leopards like this, and they have a plan for removing the leopard. It will take a while, though, and once in a while I can hear it growl.

And that’s all very reassuring. Even so, several times a day I think to “Hang on, there’s a leopard in my house.”’

One morning, while shaving, the comedian Mark Steel noticed that one side of his neck seemed larger than the other. After a whistlestop tour of assorted medical professionals, a consultant delivered the ominous words that would define the next months of his ‘I’m afraid it’s not good news, Mr Steel’.

And so began a journey into the heart of the NHS, as he embarked on the long and uncertain road to cancer recovery via a range of mildly torturous and entirely miraculous treatments. What, if anything, might he learn about himself – and our capacity for coping with life when times get tough – as he becomes part of a club that one in two British people will ultimately join?

A frank and funny diary of one man’s rather trying year, this is an unforgettable and uplifting story of getting ill, getting on with it, and getting better.

Genres: Nonfiction, Comedy, Memoir, Humor

304 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 27, 2025

About the author

Mark Steel (born 4 July 1960) is a British socialist columnist, author and comedian. He was a member of the Socialist Workers Party from his late teens until 2007.

Reviews

[Stephen]

lighthearted book about the author journey with cancer, funny and serious about what happened

[Rebecca]

(3.5) I was unfamiliar with Steel, a British comedian, but that made no matter because this is a charmingly witty and down-to-earth book about the challenges of cancer and the importance of stoically pushing through, knowing that a period of calm will come eventually. He does in fact study the Stoics for life lessons, but I was also reminded of the Samuel Beckett line ‘I can’t go on. I’ll go on.’ Steel had a secondary neck tumour (the primary was never discovered) that was found to be HPV. (My jaw dropped when I read that the cause was likely to have been oral sex. His quip? “Honestly, you just try to be nice and look at the trouble it causes you.”) It’s a very English book, with references to cricket and other UK sports and minor celebrities including the King, who started his cancer treatment at about the same time. I appreciated his perspective: When you start to regain skills and strength bit by bit, every normal occurrence (swallowing, for instance) is miraculous.

A couple of favourite lines:

“A friend who used to be a nurse advised me it was essential to be a ‘polite pest’.”

“maybe carrying on as close to normal for as long as possible is what we all want to do.”

[Roger Irish]

It’s fairly unusual for me to give a book five stars, but this deserves it. Mark Steel is a comedian, and very funny at that, and he was diagnosed with throat cancer. This is the story of that treatment and how he finally was given the all-clear. It’s not just about cancer, though; it’s about life and how we never believe the end is coming.

The book is hilarious – laugh out loud- but also emotionally intense. There are numerous references to music (the chapter titles are song titles), football (especially Crystal Palace), family, friendship, other comedians, comedians with cancer, and romantic relationships.

His on-off relationship with the comedian Shappi Khorsandi, lurks in the background of this memoir, and having read the book, I’m still not sure if they’re together or in some alternative style relationship which I’m unable to comprehend. I want a happy ending for them, though maybe they have it already.

One of the highlights of the book for me was the chapter ‘Mortal Man’, which I’ve now read twice and will read again, I’m sure. I think everyone should read it, it will change your perspective, probably. If you are older, or dependent upon your life experience, you could read it, stand alone, and get something from it. If you are younger, maybe you need to read the whole book.
I thoroughly enjoyed the book. It made me laugh. It made me cry. Can’t wait to see him on his stand-up tour.

[Tom Thomas]

Friends of cancer patients should read this book

I eagerly read this book when it became available at the start of my treatment for the same cancer. On the one hand, I don’t doubt that the author experienced everything that he relates, and might not have even exaggerated for comedic effect. But compared to my experiences, he presented an amusingly dreadful scenario that helped me prepare for the worst and then be surprised to avoid many of the worst horrors he describes (albeit to hilarious effect). The book is indeed funny, appealing to my sense of dark humor, and I’m so glad I had its companionship to rely on during a difficult time. Friends of cancer patients should read this to help them understand what the poor sod is going through behind the scenes and between the “You look great!” comments.

[Phil Lewis]

A wonderful heart-warming story of one man's struggle with cancer and how it changed his outlook on life. We could all do worse than adopt his outlook on life, preferably without suffering the same trauma as Mark first.

[Helen Steer]

This was fantastic. Beautifully written. Poignant, funny and a heartwarming love story. The very best to you, sir.

[Starling Wilkie]

Who would have thought a book about cancer could be so joyous and life-affirming? This is a beautiful ode to love, to the love of life and to the NHS. It’s also a lesson on valuing what matters, not stressing over trivia and not moaning about things we can’t change.

It’s also heartbreaking, not just in the descriptions of the fear and pain that he endured but also that of his good friends Linda Smith and Jeremy Hardy. Fans wouldn’t have had an inkling of what they were going through until their deaths were announced.

Strong warning - you probably shouldn’t read this while you or someone you love is undergoing treatment for cancer - save it until you get to the other side.

Spoiler alert - although Mark is fine I don’t think Mr Cul-de-sac survives. Time will tell..

[Sally Parker]

Absolutely brilliant and inspiring book in which Mark Steel documents his cancer "journey" from diagnosis, through treatment, and what comes after.
There must have been many times during his gruelling treatment ( he underwent both radiotherapy and chemotherapy) when he wondered if he would last the course , but he got through it and luckily for us survives to continue to make us laugh. A serious subject but full of humour and fascinating anecdotes about the wonderful people in our NHS who worked so hard to look after him.

[Leonie]

Magnificent. Beautifully written with such honesty. I particularly valued the insights into how it feels for cancer patients to cope with the comments and actions of the people around them, who either: have no idea what to say to the patient, or blunder in and say all sorts of stupid things. And Mark's thoughts on how having cancer has helped him see what's worth getting worked up about, and what isn't. Everyone should read this!

[Emma Guthrie]

I had the privilege to see Mark Steel give a reading of this book in my local bookshop- he was in person as he is in writing - open, funny and honest, describing his journey from diagnosis through treatment and aftermath- with funny and poignant anecdotes and observations on the way. Happy to recommend.

[W]

I love Mark's comedy, especially his wonderful series "Mark Steel's in Town," where he visits a town then gently takes it to pieces in a stand-up show. So glad Mark was able to bring us this warts-and-all tale of surviving cancer and will be staying "in town" for years to come.

[Bruna Martini]

Cried a few times.

[Stephen Clynes]

Mark Steel is a British columnist, author and comedian when one day he notices a lump on his throat. In this memoir, Mark details his journey through cancer.

I have always liked the newspaper columns that Mark Steel has written plus his gigs as a stand up comedian. His politics are left wing and his humour is very entertaining. He talks a lot of sense and his memoir is the same.

I think that The Leopard in My House is a GOOD 4 star read. It is not just about cancer but views on life and the finite number of days we have on this planet. He gives opinions on everything that affects patients with cancer, not just the physical side but the emotional and psychological aspects too. Mark has plenty to say about how other people relate to cancer patients and how as a society we need and value the connections we make with each other. For such a dark subject, Mark gives everything perspective. He is frank and very open about his life. He talks about friends who have died with cancer and what wisdom he has taken from them. How people talk to patients during their cancer diagnosis and treatment is a minefield and Mark explains it from the receiving end. How annoying it is when people claim he “LOOKS” good - what could they possibly know? Support Mark gets from his friends varies quite a lot and my view on one particular comedian who I used to think was brilliant has changed.

Mark pays great tribute to the values held by everyone who works within the British National Health Service, which is free for residents to use. A completely different ethos to private health care, which like any commercial business, is solely just for profit.

This memoir is a very thought provoking book, as without any obvious lumps or pains, we do not know what disease may be lurking within our bodies. Mark is only 2 years younger than me and cancer can take victims of all ages.

[Peter K]

This is a remarkable, warm, moving and, at times , laugh out loud book from Mark Steel a comedian well known to many (including me) for his comedy shows and writing for nigh on 30 years now.

Having had a similar, though less serious, brush with cancer my antennae are always alert to those I appreciate in the public eye when they are also diagnosed ( see also Rhod Gilbert) so when I heard of Mark Steel's diagnosis on the news I immediately kept an eye out for updates and and hoped for the best for him.

This book is an honest and unselfconscious presentation of his journey from worry about an unknown lump through to diagnosis, treatment and post treatment at all times being unsparing about the problems anxieties and stresses that he went through whilst also being unstinting in his praise for the care given in the massively under pressure but also still magnificent NHS.

This is a fabulous book and Mark weaves in the impact his illness had on his life, relationships and also, very movingly, reflections on his experiences of close and dear friends the wonderful Linda Smith and Jeremy Hardy dying from cancer in the previous 20 + years.

None of this is mawkish , it is a compelling read throughout that I raced through such was the ease of reading this work. A marvellous book unstinting in its descriptions of the treatment of his cancer ( might not be for everyone in that respect ) but as a book full of warmth about human nature as a whole as well as one person's account of a life threatening experience this is one of my favourite books that I have read for some time.

Bravo Mark and fare well

[Shell]

The comedian Mark Steel, who also narrates this audio book, looks in the mirror one morning and notices that one side of his neck is noticeably larger than the other. He is diagnosed with cancer and has to go through some horrendous treatments before getting the all clear. He describes in vivid detail the effects of the chemo and the doctors and other patients he meets along the way. I like Mark and was interested in his story. Though I did feel that there was a bit too much forced jollity, but then I suppose he felt that people would expect that from him. I think he had an awful time and I hope he has finished with it all now. There were some very moving passages about some of the other comedians of his era who didn't come through and in the end this was a very uplifting and possitive account of his journey to health.

[Simon Heldreich]

Laughing out loud at a book about cancer feels wrong, but Mark Steel, one of Britain’s best comedians and a genuine national treasure, somehow makes it easy.

​Having lost my father-in-law to cancer last year, I found that this book gave me a profound appreciation for exactly what he went through and why he made the choices he did. It is thoroughly brilliant and incredibly insightful.

[Wilfred Berkhof]

A brutally honest and heartfelt diary of Mark's kerfuffle involving cancer. Beforehand I feared that the story might turn quite bleak, but Mark's wonderful sense of humour keeps the tone fairly light and his truly remarkable upbeat outlook on the world makes it an absolute joy to read!

[Lisa White]

Hits the nail on the head several times re having cancer. Went on a bit at the end and listening on audio I hated the mucous sounds. I know he had throat cancer but the detail and spitting balls of mucous into the sink freaked me out a bit.

[YI LI]

I like the way the book presents minor aspect of daily life as a blessing, and the author’s great sense of humor in times of such great adversity. It inspires me to examine my own life in a time restraint.

[Margaret Almond]

Thank you Mark Steel

This book has given me much comfort, many laughs and a welcome distraction to a familiar situation during a tricky time. All hail to Mark, the wonderful NHS and those of us determind to preserve our free and marvellous healthcare system.

[Helen]

Exceptionally brave book to have written, Mark doesn't shy away from the unpleasantness but makes us laugh too. It's not a "poor me" or "this is how I beat my cancer" book. More like he just tells the story as it is with humour and poignant remembering of the people he has lost to cancer.

[Megan MacPherson]

Crying in the club rn😭

[Kelly Zilz]

Brilliant book. Funny, poignant and brutally honest. Mark Steel is a brilliant comic and a super talented author. All the best boyo.

[Rachael Hutchings]

Relatable, funny, personal and witty. I devoured this story in audiobook form in two days. I’m a fan of Mark Steel’s work, but I don’t think you have to be to enjoy this and get something from it.

[Flo Shepherd]

This was a gorgeously meaningful yet witty piece of writing, I didn’t want it to end! Such an important topic handled in such an insightful, beautiful and funny way, 5 stars, would recommend ✨

[Diane Gill]

Hard read, but very true

[Catherine Davies]

Honest account of his treatment for throat cancer. Despite the subject matter a positive and funny book.

[Mark]

Fantastic book, really showed some of the trials that cancer sufferers go through

[Clive Cook]

A book about the big 'C', Cancer, that is laugh out loud funny and which you would have no hesitation in recommending to both fellow suffers and those lucky enough to have escaped it? You bet. This is a superb account of the trials, pains, and indignities the comedian Mark Steel endured following a life-changing diagnosis of throat and neck cancer.
Having had exactly the same diagnosis and subsequent treatments myself, the book resonated from the first to the last page as he hilariously charted the physical and mental descent into a painfully different world following the immortal words "....it's not good news...", and then the long (and also painful) ascent back to something approaching normality.
Such things cannot but change you, and give you a deep respect for the countless number of caring professionals that carried you through the long and difficult months, and the partners and friends that suffered in their own ways along with you, and Mark Steel writes movingly and knowingly about all of these. His thoughts on necessarily realising and being forced to contemplate your own mortality, and the fact that it might be very much sooner than you had blithely and idly thought, were particularly apposite.
Whether you have, have had, or don't have cancer, read this book and have a bloody good laugh.

[Sabine]

Brilliant as an audio book!!