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Exit Strategies: Living Lessons from Dying People
A palliative care doctor’s surprising and heartwarming guide to dying well and living better.End of life still has life in it. Tackle the difficult conversations with humor, understanding, and candor in this one-of-a-kind guide to end-of-life care.
From a cancer patient prioritizing their last sip of orange soda to surprising sexual innuendos from the dying, Exit Strategies shines a compassionate and hilarious light on end-of-life care and what we can learn from the dying. In the face of the difficult discussions loved ones and patients often avoid, seasoned hospice and palliative care expert Dr. Cynthia X. Pan shares a new perspective on the experiences that make us human.
Part practical guide, part heartwarming stories of wisdom, growth, and freedom, Exit Strategies equips readers with the lessons and tools to make end-of-life decisions with confidence and care. Covering topics from cultural customs, music, and the comfort of food, to understanding advanced directives and how to have the tough conversations, in this book you’ll find the light in what may seem to be the darkest times.
stories of patients facing end-of-life care, revealing how they found meaning, humor, and opportunities to help others even in their final days.Practical strategies for having difficult conversations about advance directives and final wishes with family members.An insider’s perspective of hospice care, including avenues for at-home care and the range of care options available.How to maintain dignity and quality of life during serious or terminal illness, including approaches to pain management, family meetings, sexuality, and spirituality that may surprise you.Eye-opening insights into how patients and families can reframe their end-of-life journey, including “live funerals,” creating personalized end-of-life celebrations, and ways to leave a legacy.
Exit Strategies is a road map for facing mortality with courage. Whether you’re a patient, caregiver, doctor, or nurse, Dr. Pan’s wisdom will help you approach end-of-life issues with greater peace of mind and an understanding that you’re not alone. Empower yourself to live fully, even when facing life’s final chapter.
From a cancer patient prioritizing their last sip of orange soda to surprising sexual innuendos from the dying, Exit Strategies shines a compassionate and hilarious light on end-of-life care and what we can learn from the dying. In the face of the difficult discussions loved ones and patients often avoid, seasoned hospice and palliative care expert Dr. Cynthia X. Pan shares a new perspective on the experiences that make us human.
Part practical guide, part heartwarming stories of wisdom, growth, and freedom, Exit Strategies equips readers with the lessons and tools to make end-of-life decisions with confidence and care. Covering topics from cultural customs, music, and the comfort of food, to understanding advanced directives and how to have the tough conversations, in this book you’ll find the light in what may seem to be the darkest times.
stories of patients facing end-of-life care, revealing how they found meaning, humor, and opportunities to help others even in their final days.Practical strategies for having difficult conversations about advance directives and final wishes with family members.An insider’s perspective of hospice care, including avenues for at-home care and the range of care options available.How to maintain dignity and quality of life during serious or terminal illness, including approaches to pain management, family meetings, sexuality, and spirituality that may surprise you.Eye-opening insights into how patients and families can reframe their end-of-life journey, including “live funerals,” creating personalized end-of-life celebrations, and ways to leave a legacy.
Exit Strategies is a road map for facing mortality with courage. Whether you’re a patient, caregiver, doctor, or nurse, Dr. Pan’s wisdom will help you approach end-of-life issues with greater peace of mind and an understanding that you’re not alone. Empower yourself to live fully, even when facing life’s final chapter.
- GenresNonfiction
199 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 13, 2024
5 people are currently reading
1175 people want to read
About the author
Cynthia X Pan
1 book8 followersDr. Cynthia X. Pan is an expert in hospice and palliative care with decades of experience caring for terminally ill patients. She completed her residency in internal medicine and a fellowship in geriatrics, specializing in the care of older adults. Dr. Pan currently practices in Queens, New York, where she works with a diverse patient population.
As a Chinese American doctor who grew up in Latin America and New York, Dr. Pan brings a unique multicultural perspective to end-of-life care. She is passionate about making conversations around death, dying, and end-of-life issues more open and accessible. Dr. Pan is a medical education leader and teaches students, doctors-in-training, and healthcare professionals about palliative care and end-of-life communication. She is also certified to assess capacity for patients with intellectual and developmental disabilities.
Dr. Pan advocates for patient-centered care and empowering individuals and families to make informed decisions about their end-of-life wishes. Her approach combines medical expertise with compassion, often using humor to help patients and families navigate difficult situations.
Outside of her medical practice, Dr. Pan is a mother of two and resides in New York. Her personal experience with COVID-19 has further deepened her understanding of serious illness from a patient’s perspective.
In Exit Strategies: Living Lessons from Dying People, Dr. Pan shares stories and insights from her years of experience, aiming to help readers approach end-of-life issues with greater confidence, compassion, and clarity.
As a Chinese American doctor who grew up in Latin America and New York, Dr. Pan brings a unique multicultural perspective to end-of-life care. She is passionate about making conversations around death, dying, and end-of-life issues more open and accessible. Dr. Pan is a medical education leader and teaches students, doctors-in-training, and healthcare professionals about palliative care and end-of-life communication. She is also certified to assess capacity for patients with intellectual and developmental disabilities.
Dr. Pan advocates for patient-centered care and empowering individuals and families to make informed decisions about their end-of-life wishes. Her approach combines medical expertise with compassion, often using humor to help patients and families navigate difficult situations.
Outside of her medical practice, Dr. Pan is a mother of two and resides in New York. Her personal experience with COVID-19 has further deepened her understanding of serious illness from a patient’s perspective.
In Exit Strategies: Living Lessons from Dying People, Dr. Pan shares stories and insights from her years of experience, aiming to help readers approach end-of-life issues with greater confidence, compassion, and clarity.
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
May 16, 2025
Discussing death is a faux pas. Although everyone will be touched by death at some point, there is a tendency to hide the nitty-gritty details of death and dying. While we think we are sparing ourselves the pain, the reality is that we are ill-equipped for the inevitability of dying.
In Exit Strategies: Living Lessons from Dying People, Dr. Cynthia Pan puts on her latex gloves and dives right into the heart of palliative care. Similar to Caitlyn Doughty’s book, “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes”, Dr. Pan seeks to demystify death and talk about the obvious and inevitable end for us all. While this book is an easy read, the lessons for those who are terminally ill and the people who love them are anything but.
Supporting a loved one during their last days can be a mix of conflicting emotions and difficult choices. While there is deep sadness knowing that the end is near, there may also be some sense of relief knowing that your loved one won’t suffer anymore. Dr. Pan walks you through these difficult experiences using direct but affable language, drawing on personal experience working as a palliative care doctor.
Her anecdotes span all kinds of demographics, social classes, genders, and cultural differences. This not only humanizes these difficult and universal experiences but also makes them seem less impersonal. The sad reality is that any of us could be placed in a situation where we have to consider these same topics and make difficult choices. Themes like openness, communication, patience, and love are throughlines throughout the book
The chapters are short and easily identifiable, so someone can skim portions of the book and read the parts that apply to their situation.
Dr. Pan is sympathetic but direct. She writes clearly and straightforwardly, avoiding medical jargon, which makes the content accessible. This is the book I wish I would I have had before my mother died. Exit Strategies doesn’t shield you from the heavy hand of death, but it exposes the ‘horror’ that comes at the end and, in some ways, softens the blow. This is the guidebook we wish wasn’t necessary but so desperately need.
Leave A Comment
YourDiscussing death is a faux pas. Although everyone will be touched by death at some point, there is a tendency to hide the nitty-gritty details of death and dying. While we think we are sparing ourselves the pain, the reality is that we are ill-equipped for the inevitability of dying.
In Exit Strategies: Living Lessons from Dying People, Dr. Cynthia Pan puts on her latex gloves and dives right into the heart of palliative care. Similar to Caitlyn Doughty’s book, “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes”, Dr. Pan seeks to demystify death and talk about the obvious and inevitable end for us all. While this book is an easy read, the lessons for those who are terminally ill and the people who love them are anything but.
Supporting a loved one during their last days can be a mix of conflicting emotions and difficult choices. While there is deep sadness knowing that the end is near, there may also be some sense of relief knowing that your loved one won’t suffer anymore. Dr. Pan walks you through these difficult experiences using direct but affable language, drawing on personal experience working as a palliative care doctor.
Her anecdotes span all kinds of demographics, social classes, genders, and cultural differences. This not only humanizes these difficult and universal experiences but also makes them seem less impersonal. The sad reality is that any of us could be placed in a situation where we have to consider these same topics and make difficult choices. Themes like openness, communication, patience, and love are throughlines throughout the book
The chapters are short and easily identifiable, so someone can skim portions of the book and read the parts that apply to their situation.
Dr. Pan is sympathetic but direct. She writes clearly and straightforwardly, avoiding medical jargon, which makes the content accessible. This is the book I wish I would I have had before my mother died. Exit Strategies doesn’t shield you from the heavy hand of death, but it exposes the ‘horror’ that comes at the end and, in some ways, softens the blow. This is the guidebook we wish wasn’t necessary but so desperately need.
In Exit Strategies: Living Lessons from Dying People, Dr. Cynthia Pan puts on her latex gloves and dives right into the heart of palliative care. Similar to Caitlyn Doughty’s book, “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes”, Dr. Pan seeks to demystify death and talk about the obvious and inevitable end for us all. While this book is an easy read, the lessons for those who are terminally ill and the people who love them are anything but.
Supporting a loved one during their last days can be a mix of conflicting emotions and difficult choices. While there is deep sadness knowing that the end is near, there may also be some sense of relief knowing that your loved one won’t suffer anymore. Dr. Pan walks you through these difficult experiences using direct but affable language, drawing on personal experience working as a palliative care doctor.
Her anecdotes span all kinds of demographics, social classes, genders, and cultural differences. This not only humanizes these difficult and universal experiences but also makes them seem less impersonal. The sad reality is that any of us could be placed in a situation where we have to consider these same topics and make difficult choices. Themes like openness, communication, patience, and love are throughlines throughout the book
The chapters are short and easily identifiable, so someone can skim portions of the book and read the parts that apply to their situation.
Dr. Pan is sympathetic but direct. She writes clearly and straightforwardly, avoiding medical jargon, which makes the content accessible. This is the book I wish I would I have had before my mother died. Exit Strategies doesn’t shield you from the heavy hand of death, but it exposes the ‘horror’ that comes at the end and, in some ways, softens the blow. This is the guidebook we wish wasn’t necessary but so desperately need.
Leave A Comment
YourDiscussing death is a faux pas. Although everyone will be touched by death at some point, there is a tendency to hide the nitty-gritty details of death and dying. While we think we are sparing ourselves the pain, the reality is that we are ill-equipped for the inevitability of dying.
In Exit Strategies: Living Lessons from Dying People, Dr. Cynthia Pan puts on her latex gloves and dives right into the heart of palliative care. Similar to Caitlyn Doughty’s book, “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes”, Dr. Pan seeks to demystify death and talk about the obvious and inevitable end for us all. While this book is an easy read, the lessons for those who are terminally ill and the people who love them are anything but.
Supporting a loved one during their last days can be a mix of conflicting emotions and difficult choices. While there is deep sadness knowing that the end is near, there may also be some sense of relief knowing that your loved one won’t suffer anymore. Dr. Pan walks you through these difficult experiences using direct but affable language, drawing on personal experience working as a palliative care doctor.
Her anecdotes span all kinds of demographics, social classes, genders, and cultural differences. This not only humanizes these difficult and universal experiences but also makes them seem less impersonal. The sad reality is that any of us could be placed in a situation where we have to consider these same topics and make difficult choices. Themes like openness, communication, patience, and love are throughlines throughout the book
The chapters are short and easily identifiable, so someone can skim portions of the book and read the parts that apply to their situation.
Dr. Pan is sympathetic but direct. She writes clearly and straightforwardly, avoiding medical jargon, which makes the content accessible. This is the book I wish I would I have had before my mother died. Exit Strategies doesn’t shield you from the heavy hand of death, but it exposes the ‘horror’ that comes at the end and, in some ways, softens the blow. This is the guidebook we wish wasn’t necessary but so desperately need.
January 10, 2025
The certainty of death is a brutal reality for many, especially for those facing terminal illness. For families and caregivers, supporting a loved one during this time can bring a mix of conflicting emotions and uncertain choices. In her book "Exit Strategies," palliative care expert Dr. Cynthia X. Pan emphasizes the importance of open communication, emotional support, and respecting the wishes of terminally ill patients. She shares her personal experiences as a palliative care physician, along with stories from patients and their loved ones. Dr. Pan highlights the necessity of advance directives to ensure that patients' medical preferences are honored and that care is coordinated, with a focus on enhancing the patient's quality of life.
Having spent part of my career in healthcare administration at an academic health center, I understand the reluctance many people feel when it comes to discussing death and dying. "Exit Strategies" offers a unique perspective by sharing real-life experiences of end-of-life planning. The book provides practical advice on how to initiate these difficult conversations and highlights the benefits of planning ahead.
As a medical expert, Dr. Pan connects with readers through her relatable anecdotes and patient stories. She writes in a clear and straightforward manner, avoiding medical jargon, which makes the content accessible to a wide audience. Dr. Pan shares important cultural considerations from her direct experiences working with patients from different cultures – Asian, Latino, Jamaican, Orthodox Jewish, Western/Anglo, and others.. She offers her understanding of cultural nuances and attitudes about death to inspire other healthcare professionals to take a mindful approach to emotionally charged conversations.
Another strength of the book is its exploration of the emotional and psychological aspects of working in palliative care. By acknowledging both the challenges and rewards of helping patients navigate their final journey, "Exit Strategies" validates the experiences of healthcare workers, recognizing their efforts and making them feel understood.
Having spent part of my career in healthcare administration at an academic health center, I understand the reluctance many people feel when it comes to discussing death and dying. "Exit Strategies" offers a unique perspective by sharing real-life experiences of end-of-life planning. The book provides practical advice on how to initiate these difficult conversations and highlights the benefits of planning ahead.
As a medical expert, Dr. Pan connects with readers through her relatable anecdotes and patient stories. She writes in a clear and straightforward manner, avoiding medical jargon, which makes the content accessible to a wide audience. Dr. Pan shares important cultural considerations from her direct experiences working with patients from different cultures – Asian, Latino, Jamaican, Orthodox Jewish, Western/Anglo, and others.. She offers her understanding of cultural nuances and attitudes about death to inspire other healthcare professionals to take a mindful approach to emotionally charged conversations.
Another strength of the book is its exploration of the emotional and psychological aspects of working in palliative care. By acknowledging both the challenges and rewards of helping patients navigate their final journey, "Exit Strategies" validates the experiences of healthcare workers, recognizing their efforts and making them feel understood.
January 8, 2025
This is a very easy book to read and simple in its explanations. Dr. Pan intended this book to be for those who are terminally ill and the people who love them. Dr. Pan covers terminology, procedures, explanations as to what it really means when a patient in put onto some of the end of life procedures and realistic expectations that might follow. There is no sugar coating of language or meaning, just an honest insider view. The chapters are short and easily identifiable so a person could hop around and read the parts that applied to their situation.
'Your loved one is not dying because she's not eating. She is not eating because she's dying.'
'When people start talking about miracles, that means they understand. Because why else would the be asking for miracles?'
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
'Your loved one is not dying because she's not eating. She is not eating because she's dying.'
'When people start talking about miracles, that means they understand. Because why else would the be asking for miracles?'
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
March 3, 2025
Geriatrician and palliative care expert Dr. Cynthia X. Pan has written an eminently readable guide for families to deal with end of life issues. She emphasizes important themes: open communication, putting aside differences, and most of all, respecting the wishes of terminally ill patients, referencing stories from patients and their families and/or caregivers. The need to discuss advance directives (e.g., a MOLST) and even funeral/burial arrangements with aging family members is critical, and Dr. Pan suggests some ways in which to broach the uncomfortable subject. She is also thoughtful about cultural differences. I thought that her discussion of personal experiences as a COVID victim, and even dealing with her own family issues on this subject strengthened the book's messages.
November 22, 2024
Excellent starting point for conversations
I had read a book with a similar title that I found lacking. Dr Pan's book gave me what I was looking for. Good stories from her work experience which are entertaining. And good advice for anyone who plans on dying some day or having a close relative die.
Reading this book will give you much to think about for your or your loved ones end of life. There are decisions to be made and forms to fill out. The book does not enumerate all the steps for you, but does give you good guidance in why you might want to do something or not.
I had read a book with a similar title that I found lacking. Dr Pan's book gave me what I was looking for. Good stories from her work experience which are entertaining. And good advice for anyone who plans on dying some day or having a close relative die.
Reading this book will give you much to think about for your or your loved ones end of life. There are decisions to be made and forms to fill out. The book does not enumerate all the steps for you, but does give you good guidance in why you might want to do something or not.
December 11, 2024
I won this book as a giveaway. This is such a great tool for navigating palliative and hospice care. The author is very straight forward with what palliative care is and how to navigate your own journey as well as how to be a supportive individual for others. The book is incredibly insightful and would definitely recommend.
June 25, 2025
This contains practical strategies for difficult conversations - advance directives, final wishes, etc. It doesn't tell you HOW to put those in writing, just that you should discuss them and make it official.
Good book on a difficult topic.
Good book on a difficult topic.
March 7, 2025
thought provoking
This is a hard read but has many good ideas which is why I gave it five stars
The topic is a tough one
This is a hard read but has many good ideas which is why I gave it five stars
The topic is a tough one
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews