Banging my Birthday Bear

by Holly Wilde

Spending her thirtieth birthday with friend's tucked up in the mountains is exactly what she wants. But having a raw, passionate fling with a life size teddy bear is exactly what she needs.It's Mia's Dirty Thirty, and she is ready to have some fun! When her friends surprise her with a giant stuffed bear, complete with lifelike anatomy, her special day turns into the stuff of dreams. And I do mean stuffed, which is exactly how she spends the night with her birthday surprise, stuffed to the brim and ready to explode. Are you ready to fall in love with The Birthday Bear?

Genres: Novella, Smut, Erotica, Monster Romance, Short Stories, Adult

Unknown Binding

About the author

If you’re looking to escape the boundaries of reality that we are so often confined to, then look no further. Sentient-smutty-smut and literal personification of everyday items is what you’ll find here.

Hi! it’s nice to meet you, I’m Holly “no-explanation” Wilde, and if you don’t buckle your seatbelt up for this ride, your chair will do it for you.

Follow me over on IG to get updates on my latest releases!

Reviews

[Paige Taylor-Harrison · Rating 1 out of 5]

Do not even ask

This was simply for science and science only okay, yall are the ones that make me do this, don't look at me.

[Luce · Rating 3 out of 5]

I need you to understand I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t experiencing the world’s worst reading slump.

Nevertheless, this is decent.

[Peter Topside · Rating 3 out of 5]

I always knew it. Women are just as filthy and depraved as men are. They just tend to be better at hiding it. So a scultped, anatomically corrected manbear is gifted to our lead, Mia. Like a sexually proficient Teddy Ruxpin. The most amazing thing is how Rose here can basically unhook her jaws like a snake to take in Teddy’s ‘bearhood.’ Quite impressive. And she completely digs it when he unloads his honey pot and basically drowns her, too. And this furry bastard didn’t even stick around to help clean her up. Call me old fashioned, but I was always taught to give a girl a towel or at least toss a roll of paper towels at them before you jet off. Just the right thing to do. This was a fun way to start off 2025. Sex with a fake bear. Imagine if the rolls were reversed and it was a man being gifted a female bear? Now that’s something worth reading. Let’s mix it up and get with the times, folks. …sex…

[Darlene I read WAY to many books · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mia... has a tradition and well it's she fucked a teddy bear when drunk and her friends give her a huge one for her to have fun with. Honest her friends were goals with not making fun of her with that kink.

This is a short 49 page story so im keep it short.. she fucks a huge teddy who comes fo life lol pure smut.


Sexy times


Recommend-maybe
Cover-⭐️
Heat level-🌶🌶🌶🌶

Praise kink
Size difference
Deep throating
Multiple orgasms
Cum play
Hyperspermia
Object teddybear
Hfn

[Marissa]

The following is an actual real quote from this book spoiler tagging because it's NSFW

"I let him in, let him explore the open cave of my mouth just like I gave him my cavernous pussy."

I am so upset this is a sentence I read.

[scar! . *. ⋆ (Johnny kavanaghs version) · Rating 1 out of 5]

Rubes I read this for you, why did you ask me to read this😭 the stuffing exploded and went all over her room?? I need help.

[Paige · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am not ashamed to admit that this was not terrible

[Jen (noelle w. ihli's version) · Rating 3 out of 5]

HAHAHA ANOTHER ONE omg i love holly these are so ridiculous but she knows how to write some good smut OK

[Odella · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 🧸⭐️
🌶️🌶️

This one was actually really fun. I enjoyed it more then I expected. Some of the spicy language that was used was a little weird but that just a personal preference.

If you like weird spicy books then definitely give this one a go! It was really fun! Just don’t take it to seriously and you might enjoy it. I mean the “love interest” is a giant teddy bear (giant in more ways than one 😂🤭) that the woman gets for her birthday.

But also if you’re my family and see this. Don’t ask me questions 😂

[Biblio · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Back in college, there might have been a night where I got drunk, like really drunk... and I ended up f*cking a teddy bear."

Buckle up for a wild birthday party in a cabin (that definitely won't be getting the security deposit back on), three friends celebrating their 30th and teddy bear dong. Oh you don't know what teddy bear dong looks like? Sorry- what bearhood looks like. Well I promise you, you will be very satisfied. *wink wink*

A fun short story that will have you side eyeing your teddy bear and wondering "what if?"

[XelSo · Rating 1 out of 5]

Soooo is this considered a furry smut? I mean, she did refer to the fluffy bears anatomy as bearhood and she got really turned on by him?

Now if I actually imagine it, I would be disturbed to see a hella ripped, 2 meter bear, with a huge 🍆 that is dirty talking to me ya know?

[Lindsey Fones-Hall · Rating 1 out of 5]

Nope, nope, nope. Read as a bet

[Meagan Grauel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Have you ever accidentally fucked a teddy bear while drunk, thinking it was your human boyfriend, and have been dying to repeat the experience? Yeah, me neither.

But apparently the chick in this book has been hoping to fluff another teddy bear ever since the first time.
What’s even more disturbing is that she told multiple someone’s about accidentally doinking a stuffed animal and her friends think it’s hysterical to get her a life sized replica of that teddy bear, complete with a realistic schlong for her 30th birthday and seem to be actively encouraging her to fuck the teddy bear?

The FMC isn’t even remotely concerned when the giant teddy bear comes to life while she’s trying to flick her bean. And is immediately on board with the sexy bear vibes he’s throwing down.
The giant dick that the author describes seems completely unreal and would definitely NOT be something I would let anywhere near my own lady bits. First off - his bear bits literally explode out of his gold shorts? Does he have a dick or a chainsaw in his shorts? What kind of mega power schlong can bust through clothes? Secondly, when she’s trying to jack him off, she wraps both hands around and her thumbs don’t touch? So you’re telling me that this bitch is excited to have a 2 liter shoved up inside her? No fucking thank you. And lastly, when he throws his dick onto her stomach, it’s described as laying the length of her damn torso. Unless this bear is quite literally rearranging her intestines and then popping out her throat, there is no damn way it’s actually making it inside this chick.

If this damn bear referred to how it was this chick’s birthday one more time, I was gonna lose it. There were a lot of present and birthday innuendos that our fluffy sex bear threw out there, freaking constantly. Pretty sure his catch phrase might be “Happy Birthday, Mia.” We get it. Move on.

Then at the end the bear jizzes so much marshmallow fluff, it covers the room and he shrinks down into a manageable size? He literally cums to death? Then leaves the shell of himself as a nice memento for the FMC. I just … what the shit did I read?

Maybe don’t read this one. It’s fluffing weird.

[Martha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Leave your upright morals and outstanding character at the door, cause you're about to be mind-f*cked by a 7ft teddy bear to the point of breaking (the bed broke literally). I LOVE Holly’s style of writing and sense of humor. It closely resembles mine and I absolutely went feral for the deliciously vivid descriptions that pretty much left nothing to the imagination.

[Charity (TAKING A BREAK) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm still processing that he's cumming fluffy cotton candy.

This is basically Bella and Edward on their honeymoon but its a giant bear instead of Edward.

(I'm sorry I was reading this while rewatching this part of twilight saga and now my brain is comparing, and I can't stop it sos.)

[Georgia Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have fallen down a rabbit hole and can’t get out. Bout to read her entire backlist

[Asia-Jorden · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lucy, Emily - I hope you're happy. I read this for you guys.

I need to preface this by clarifying that reading Banging My Birthday Bear was a (poor) attempt at dragging myself out of the reading slump I'm currently experiencing.

I now have so many questions. Everything I thought I knew about the human body and its capabilities have been, in the words of Will Smith, flipped-turned upside down. The stuffing. The veins. The 'nipples directing the gyrations like an air traffic controller.' (I'm so sorry but if I had to read that line, so do you).

Wild.

And still not the worst book I've ever read.

[Taylor thebookfaes · Rating 2 out of 5]

sometimes you pick up a holly wilde book and think, why not? and it is always as silly as i think it’s going to be

[Patty · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think getting her security deposit back should be the least of her concerns. 🫣

[Sarah Coleman · Rating 4 out of 5]

unfortunately I will be reading all of these bc I am dying with laughter they are so funny and fun

[Simone · Rating 5 out of 5]

spicy cake

Just pure sexy confusing erotica… and for some reason I wanna read the second book too! Teddy bear kink anyone?

[SpankMeSmutty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where do I file a complaint? I did not receive a giant well endowed stuffed bear on my 30th and that is just not fair!

[Victoria Katherine · Rating 1 out of 5]

Another smut club read 🧸

[Stephanie Nelson · Rating 1 out of 5]

Better than the sentient pommel horse...not as good as the sentient pillow.

[ladybreww · Rating 4 out of 5]

what a wild ride of a book

Honestly, if you don't think too hard, you wouldn't even notice he's a stuffed animal. A very fun, short, hella spicy read. I will definitely read more by this author because she clearly has a delightful sense of humor and certainly knows how to write engaging spicy scenes. I might be mildly traumatized by my dogs stuffed bear toy tonight but maybe I'll get a fun surprise oh my birthday.

[Kimbot the Destroyer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read enough of these things that I need the wacky explanation of how an object became sentient.
Wet fake fur on the nethers is eww.
The sex was lackluster.
Make it:
A. Weird.
B. Funny
C. Titillating
D. All of the above
and you have a winner. This did none of that.

[Ali♥︎ (Loren Hale’s version)]

Naurr i cant 😭😭😭😭😭 CLAWS??

[Ryn Meagher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book Review: Banging My Birthday Bear by Holly Wilde

Looking for a laugh-out-loud, “did I really just read that?” kind of book? Look no further than Banging My Birthday Bear. It’s a short, 30-minute whirlwind that’ll have you out of any funk. Seriously, it’s a mood-lifting masterpiece.

The plot (or what I remember between laughing fits) involves a teddy bear that’s more than meets the eye. And, let’s just say, some girls really don’t outgrow their teddy bears! The “frosting love juice” scene had me holding my ribs as the entire room got coated in frosting—hilarious and unforgettable.

Perfect for when you need a dose of absurd humor. Grab this if you want a quick pick-me-up and a reminder that fiction truly knows no bounds!

[Lili Negron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sooooo these are all out of my reading 📖 norm and I am living for the pure sexy fuckery 🤣🫶🏽! Love the antics . It’s the perfect comical hot an steamy quick read in-between the thicker & girthy more voluptuous books I’m currently reading 📖- 5/5 ⭐️ - somebody curate a STEALTH MODE paper back of these ASAP 🤣😮‍💨- need these in my shelf -

[Lizzie M · Rating 1 out of 5]

Look it’s 30 pages long, I was stressed about making my reading goal, something had to give… this was so bad and so obviously written by a man, at times I was viscerally repulsed but it also is very funny