Earthed

by Holly Wilde

Get ready for an erotic story that defies gravity. Meet Celeste, the brilliant anthropologist who discovers that our planet is in trouble. The world isn't what it seems, in fact, it's bigger and thicker than we could have ever imagined. Not to mention, it's about to explode. The only way to save our world is for Celeste to journey beyond the stars and transform into a giant woman. As she explores the vastness of space, she discovers a love as immense as the universe a passionate bond with none other than the Earth. Prepare for an out of this world experience when you read "Earthed".

Genres: Monster Romance, Romance, Smut, Novella, M F Romance

Unknown Binding

About the author

If you’re looking to escape the boundaries of reality that we are so often confined to, then look no further. Sentient-smutty-smut and literal personification of everyday items is what you’ll find here.

Hi! it’s nice to meet you, I’m Holly “no-explanation” Wilde, and if you don’t buckle your seatbelt up for this ride, your chair will do it for you.

Follow me over on IG to get updates on my latest releases!

Reviews

[Peter Topside · Rating 3 out of 5]

Flat earthers. Rounders. And now dick-shaped believers? How can the shape of our fair planet be the subject of so much controversy? And the wildest part of this is that it isn’t even the first erotica I’ve read with a planet as the sexual object. What the frick does that say about me?! So, our lead, Celeste, ventures into deep space to prevent a human extinction level event, involving planetary ejaculate, to save the world. And she bangs our planet until it averts all natural disasters and is left a sweaty, discombobulated, and calmed orbital object. The sex, although very strange, was highly creative and steamy. Not too filthy, but definitely far from tame. I will now go on Amazon to buy a spacesuit and a telescope, because this experience now has me interested in space exploration…and sex. You get it.

[⊹ ࣪ ˖ ꒰ঌ Aylin (monster lover) ໒꒱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have never ugly sobbed from laughter while reading erotica before. Highly recommended for a one-time, religious experience (Earth literally used Orion’s Belt and the moon as a ball gag).

[Samantha ☾⋆ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wow.. that was a journey for sure.. I don’t know how I fully feel about this one but I finished it!

[Silvy]

hey guys what if it’s not climate change, what if the earth is actually just a giant phallus that needs to be f*cked to avoid leaking apocalyptic pre c*m from the polar ice caps? 🙂‍↕️

[Kimbot the Destroyer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Normally I am all for the FMC getting hers first, but today...I take issue with her doing some face-sitting before taking the load that is literally going to save the human race. At least flip around and cover that thing with your mouth.

[Melinda · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wild ride this was!! What if the earth wasn’t round like we’ve always thought, but instead it was 🍆 shaped and the only way to save the planet is to take its load? If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions Holly Wilde has the answers! This was hilarious and I couldn’t get enough of the scientific explanations in the first part. Died once we got to Orion’s Belt and the moon. Not gonna be able to look at the night sky the same.

[Kelsey R · Rating 4 out of 5]

While of course true to a sentient object romance, it was amazingly well written and kept me wanting to find out more. The creativity was astonishing.

[Libbie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm back in my weird smut era and will not be taking any questions at this time. 💁🏻‍♀️

[WhippedStitchReads (J.A.Y) · Rating 3 out of 5]

planet hood

I get it. It’s supposed to be weird and funny, even somewhat serious (because end of the world), but I can’t get over the puns.

Also funny how Leo is the sun

[Hayley ❁˛⋆]

I have zero standards at this point

[Bayley · Rating 3 out of 5]

I considered not putting this on Goodreads, but I’m not a coward. Also, truly, this book is hilarious. I read it with a little group of friends, which is an experience I highly recommend.

This is the kind of book that I don’t know how to rate because I didn’t think it was great. There were some world building holes (did she squish the trees?), but also I do think this book was exactly what it was trying to be and I had fun reading, which is normally my definition of a five star book. Or at least a four. I definitely wouldn’t give it lower than a three because it was really very funny.

And I know the book says it is a romance. And it absolutely is not haha. These people literally do not converse. One of the plot holes is that he learns her name without her saying it. At least I think that’s one of them. Truly, this book is so wild. I feel like I can be forgiven for forgetting a few details.

[Chrissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Please don’t ask, I don’t have a good enough answer 😂😂

[julia]

no bc how was this even more insane 😭

[Salem ☥ · Rating 1 out of 5]

The things I read with Meag...

[Conner · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hope I have as much confidence defending my thesis as Celeste does telling NASA the earth is a giant penis with blue balls.

[Bria · Rating 2 out of 5]

Yeah so you know how there’s flat-earthers and round-earthers? Yeah turns out they’re both wrong! Earth is actually the penis of an invisible virginal celestial being?? And Celeste has to transform herself into a giantess (see Susan Murphy from Monsters vs Aliens, aka one of Dreamworks best movies) in order to fuck the Earth so that it doesn’t bring about what can only be described as another ice age but instead of ice it’s semen??

The extra star was because at one point this being who was a virgin what I would assume was 12hrs earlier grabbed Orion’s Belt and the Moon to form a makeshift ball gag during his second ever sexual experience, which also happened after he proposed with a ring he got from Saturn?? Virgins really be out here getting their dick wet one time and chucking a ring on it immediately huh.

[Robyn G · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hold on to your hats for this one.
It's out of this world 😂
Honestly, Holly Wilde and her ideas man. These books literally make my day when i read them because you know it's going to be funny!

[Xtina Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

SAVE THE PLANET!!!!! 🌏 🤭🤭🤭

This story was so creative and ridiculous!! I had a fricken blast reading this on Earth day 🌱

[Tiffane]

I have so many unanswered questions 💀

[Charlotte Trimble-Harris · Rating 3 out of 5]

she had to save the earth

[Shannon McCullough · Rating 1 out of 5]

Are the ice caps melting or is it just precum from the earth?!?!

[nik drake · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m disappointed in me too for this one.

[Charlie · Rating 3 out of 5]

never gonna be able to look at the moon the same way again

[Mollie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love the creativity of the human mind xx

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this story about Earth on the brink of disaster and the only way to save the planet is to make it come. I enjoyed the aspects of weird science, anthropology, and mythology sprinkled throughout the story. This book was insanely creative and I give big kudos to Holly and her weird brain!

[Taylor St. John · Rating 1 out of 5]

buddy read this book w a friend for jokes and oh my.
i don’t even believe in god but i need to go to church

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Clearly, I'm going through some shit. No further questions at this time.

[christy - pr0bablyreadingsmut · Rating 5 out of 5]

the earth is a giant penis and scientist lady must fuck him to save humanity. fucking beautiful. 5 stars

[Anna Filipa ✨️ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Let’s be honest: this book walks straight into the “wtf did I just read” category and makes itself very comfortable there.

The premise is so unhinged it feels like a fever dream: a scientist discovers that Earth isn’t round, but instead… shaped like something else entirely. And after centuries of humanity provoking it, the planet is about to climax and wipe out all life with its… emissions. Yes. Exactly what you’re thinking.

The solution? Absolutely unhinged. One week of prep, a machine that turns her into a giant, a trip to space, and a plan that would make every science textbook spontaneously combust: saving humanity with her own body.

Could they have just evacuated Earth and ended the story there? Sure. But no — the book chooses chaos. We then learn that Earth isn’t just a planet but a being, a god of sorts, whose body is the world itself. Cue sex with a literal god-planet, him finishing inside her to prevent global annihilation, and somehow… that saves everyone.

The next day he proposes.
She says yes.
The epilogue reveals she’s pregnant.

And somehow? It’s not the worst.

Is it objectively good? Not really. But within this wildly specific “sentient object romance” niche, it’s far from the worst I’ve read. It fully commits to the absurdity, doesn’t pretend to be serious, and honestly earns points for creativity alone.

📌 Final thoughts:
This is not meant to be taken seriously.
But if you enjoy books that make you close your Kindle, stare at the ceiling, and question your life choices… this one delivers.

A solid 3.5 stars for a book that absolutely should not work — but somehow does.

[Mandy Fernandez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Size Matters: How One Giant Scientist Gave Earth the Release It Deserved

Earthed has easily shot to the top of my Holly Wilde favorites… and I’ve only read two so far (lol).

Celeste becomes the star of a very unique experiment—helping Earth finally, ahem, release some long-held tension before the whole planet implodes from centuries of cosmic blue balls. A brilliant scientist discovers that our world isn’t round after all, it’s… well… penile-shaped. Naturally, the only solution is to launch Celeste into space, supersize her into a giantess, and let her carry the Earth’s, uh… load.

Turns out, Earth isn’t just shaped like a man’s favorite organ, it is a man. And he’s been waiting a very long time for this rendezvous.

A short, spicy, and surprisingly sweet HEA, Earthed is the perfect palate cleanser between heavier reads. Equal parts absurd, hot, and hilarious.

As always, check your trigger warnings—your mental health matters. 🌎🍆🌕📚