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The Race To Be Myself
World champion runner Caster Semenya offers an empowering account of her extraordinary life and career, and her trailblazing battle to compete on her own terms.
Caster Semenya is one of the greatest athletes ever to run the 800 meter. Semenya went undefeated for almost four years, winning two Olympic gold medals and three World Athletics Championships, and set and broke numerous records.
However, her life and career were devastated by accusations that Semenya—who was born with naturally elevated levels of testosterone—was not a woman, and should not compete against other women. Required by the International Association of Athletics Federations to take hormone-altering drugs as a condition of competing in certain events, Semenya for years suffered side effects that she describes as devastating to her health. Her predicament surfaced a still-raging firestorm over our understanding of gender and, of how gender plays out in sports, as well as our expectations of female athletes.
The Race to be Myself tells the coming-of-age story of an iconic athlete—of Semenya’s dramatic journey from a gifted and self-trained novice to the pinnacle of her sport—and takes readers behind the scenes of her inspiring battle to run in the “body that God gave me.”
Caster Semenya is one of the greatest athletes ever to run the 800 meter. Semenya went undefeated for almost four years, winning two Olympic gold medals and three World Athletics Championships, and set and broke numerous records.
However, her life and career were devastated by accusations that Semenya—who was born with naturally elevated levels of testosterone—was not a woman, and should not compete against other women. Required by the International Association of Athletics Federations to take hormone-altering drugs as a condition of competing in certain events, Semenya for years suffered side effects that she describes as devastating to her health. Her predicament surfaced a still-raging firestorm over our understanding of gender and, of how gender plays out in sports, as well as our expectations of female athletes.
The Race to be Myself tells the coming-of-age story of an iconic athlete—of Semenya’s dramatic journey from a gifted and self-trained novice to the pinnacle of her sport—and takes readers behind the scenes of her inspiring battle to run in the “body that God gave me.”
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First published October 1, 2023
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 194 reviews
November 25, 2023
This is more than a sports memoir. It's an inspiring look at one woman's self-acceptance, determination and drive to live an authentic life. There's a lesson in here for us all; to shut out all the noise, labels, negativity, jealousy, false relationships that stand in the way of being our best selves.
October 26, 2023
As a child, Semenya dreamed of flying high—literally. Growing up in a rural South African village, money and opportunities were both scarce, but she dreamed of someday being successful enough to fly in an airplane. She knew that sports were her ticket to that success—and as a teen and young adult, she proved over and over and over again that, on the track, she didn't need wings to fly.
But then came the questions, and the accusations, and the news articles: was Semenya secretly a man? And then the invasive questioning, and the invasive tests, and private medical results shared around the world.
I was only eighteen years old and had been subjected to invasive and humiliating gender confirmation tests without my consent just prior to the race. What followed was a media firestorm that continues to this day. (loc. 46*)
Semenya's story is the third memoir about being intersex—not a term that she uses, but I'll come back to that in a moment—I've read this year, but it's unique in its context. The other memoirs I've read by people who are intersex have been set in a white, western context; unlike Semenya, their physical differences were noted (and acted upon, for better or for worse and with or without their knowledge) early on. They did not have autonomy over their bodies either, but they had the privilege of being, you know, white and western. Semenya writes (reasonably!) only from her own point of view, but I would have loved more research, more numbers, more history. She cites other cases like hers that she knows of in the running world, but this feels like a subject that is just ripe for a (thoughtful, careful) investigative journalist to dive into.
I am not interested in who wins or loses races. I am interested in the wild discrepancy between 1) a man who has a much higher lung capacity than your average swimmer, and is celebrated for it, and 2) a girl who learns well into her running career that she has a condition that might help her succeed at running, and is forced to take medication or have surgery to make her less successful. I am interested in the damage done in places with more "advanced" medical care, where intersex children are operated on as infants, and the damage done in places where intersex status is less likely to be discovered and adults are told, or forced, to change something fundamental about themselves in order to be accepted. I am interested in what it means for a competition field to be "equal" when, even if all competitors have (e.g.) the same amounts of testosterone and estrogen, some have grown up with the best coaching and equipment and physical therapy money can buy, and others have run barefoot into their teenage years because athletic shoes are an unimaginable luxury. I am interested in Semenya's story and the ones beyond it that she touches on, and I hope a researcher-writer will take those stories and (forgive me) run with them.
Back to the use of the word "intersex": I'm using it because it's a broadly accepted term and, frankly, one that I understand better than "androgen insensitivity syndrome". But Semenya's voice is strong here, and she prefers an even simpler term: woman. Though I find her rationale (which sometimes boils down to "I sit down to pee") a bit reductive at times, she's applying that logic only to herself—not limiting other people's gender to their external genitals, any more than she wants to be limited by her chromosomes—and I love how strong and stubborn and confident her voice is in this book. I went back and forth on my rating, because the story and the voice are stronger than the writing itself, but...this is a story that deserves to be told the way Semenya chooses to tell it.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
*I read an ARC, and quotes may not be final.
But then came the questions, and the accusations, and the news articles: was Semenya secretly a man? And then the invasive questioning, and the invasive tests, and private medical results shared around the world.
I was only eighteen years old and had been subjected to invasive and humiliating gender confirmation tests without my consent just prior to the race. What followed was a media firestorm that continues to this day. (loc. 46*)
Semenya's story is the third memoir about being intersex—not a term that she uses, but I'll come back to that in a moment—I've read this year, but it's unique in its context. The other memoirs I've read by people who are intersex have been set in a white, western context; unlike Semenya, their physical differences were noted (and acted upon, for better or for worse and with or without their knowledge) early on. They did not have autonomy over their bodies either, but they had the privilege of being, you know, white and western. Semenya writes (reasonably!) only from her own point of view, but I would have loved more research, more numbers, more history. She cites other cases like hers that she knows of in the running world, but this feels like a subject that is just ripe for a (thoughtful, careful) investigative journalist to dive into.
I am not interested in who wins or loses races. I am interested in the wild discrepancy between 1) a man who has a much higher lung capacity than your average swimmer, and is celebrated for it, and 2) a girl who learns well into her running career that she has a condition that might help her succeed at running, and is forced to take medication or have surgery to make her less successful. I am interested in the damage done in places with more "advanced" medical care, where intersex children are operated on as infants, and the damage done in places where intersex status is less likely to be discovered and adults are told, or forced, to change something fundamental about themselves in order to be accepted. I am interested in what it means for a competition field to be "equal" when, even if all competitors have (e.g.) the same amounts of testosterone and estrogen, some have grown up with the best coaching and equipment and physical therapy money can buy, and others have run barefoot into their teenage years because athletic shoes are an unimaginable luxury. I am interested in Semenya's story and the ones beyond it that she touches on, and I hope a researcher-writer will take those stories and (forgive me) run with them.
Back to the use of the word "intersex": I'm using it because it's a broadly accepted term and, frankly, one that I understand better than "androgen insensitivity syndrome". But Semenya's voice is strong here, and she prefers an even simpler term: woman. Though I find her rationale (which sometimes boils down to "I sit down to pee") a bit reductive at times, she's applying that logic only to herself—not limiting other people's gender to their external genitals, any more than she wants to be limited by her chromosomes—and I love how strong and stubborn and confident her voice is in this book. I went back and forth on my rating, because the story and the voice are stronger than the writing itself, but...this is a story that deserves to be told the way Semenya chooses to tell it.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
*I read an ARC, and quotes may not be final.
February 19, 2024
Semenya’s memoir shows what a remarkable woman she is, and makes for absorbing reading, even if it’s not amazingly written.
Raised in a small village, with no running water or electricity, Semenya grew up tending to her family’s animals and, as a tomboy or a ‘boyish’ girl, hunting in the bush and playing soccer with her male friends. If she was teased about how she presented, she shut it down with a beat-down and a withering comment, always secure in her family’s love, even if she resented some of the expectations that came with growing up female in a traditional society. Her determination in honing her athleticism, training herself and running barefoot, was amazing. To have flown to the World Championships at the age of 18, without telling her family first - and then to have been thrust onto the world stage with insulting comments about her gender and bullied and tricked into invasive medical exams, the results of which were leaked to the press instead of given to her…oof.
Plain-spoken and sometimes crude, Semenya very effectively castigates the racism with which young women athletes from Africa and Asia have been singled out for criticism and invasive medical requirements. As someone who’s very immersed in North American ideas about gender identity and sexual orientation, I also found it challenging in a good way to read about her own sense of self (eg she is married to a woman as she has always intended, but does not identify as a lesbian, and she certainly does not identify as intersex or trans, though she supports others in affirming their own identities as they wish).
“How do you explain what it feels like to have been recategorized as a human being? That one day you were a normal person living your life, and the next day you were seen as abnormal? I was a young girl who’d been physically and emotionally violated by a system - a system that I had no choice but to exist within, yet was also beyond me.”
“We had freed ourselves from a system that had legally classified people into Black, Asian, Colored, or White. A system that kept Black people uneducated, kept people apart and broke up families. Uniformed White men went around and assigned people a racial identity based on what they believed you to be; they had the power to recategorize you. What happened to me reminded my people and our political elders of a time they’re still struggling to free us from.”
“I will not apologize for who or what I am. And I refuse to be categorized as anything other than what I believe myself to be. People have the right to identify as they see fit. I wasn’t going to take on an identity that did not fit my soul because some doctors had taken my blood and images of my organs.”
Raised in a small village, with no running water or electricity, Semenya grew up tending to her family’s animals and, as a tomboy or a ‘boyish’ girl, hunting in the bush and playing soccer with her male friends. If she was teased about how she presented, she shut it down with a beat-down and a withering comment, always secure in her family’s love, even if she resented some of the expectations that came with growing up female in a traditional society. Her determination in honing her athleticism, training herself and running barefoot, was amazing. To have flown to the World Championships at the age of 18, without telling her family first - and then to have been thrust onto the world stage with insulting comments about her gender and bullied and tricked into invasive medical exams, the results of which were leaked to the press instead of given to her…oof.
Plain-spoken and sometimes crude, Semenya very effectively castigates the racism with which young women athletes from Africa and Asia have been singled out for criticism and invasive medical requirements. As someone who’s very immersed in North American ideas about gender identity and sexual orientation, I also found it challenging in a good way to read about her own sense of self (eg she is married to a woman as she has always intended, but does not identify as a lesbian, and she certainly does not identify as intersex or trans, though she supports others in affirming their own identities as they wish).
“How do you explain what it feels like to have been recategorized as a human being? That one day you were a normal person living your life, and the next day you were seen as abnormal? I was a young girl who’d been physically and emotionally violated by a system - a system that I had no choice but to exist within, yet was also beyond me.”
“We had freed ourselves from a system that had legally classified people into Black, Asian, Colored, or White. A system that kept Black people uneducated, kept people apart and broke up families. Uniformed White men went around and assigned people a racial identity based on what they believed you to be; they had the power to recategorize you. What happened to me reminded my people and our political elders of a time they’re still struggling to free us from.”
“I will not apologize for who or what I am. And I refuse to be categorized as anything other than what I believe myself to be. People have the right to identify as they see fit. I wasn’t going to take on an identity that did not fit my soul because some doctors had taken my blood and images of my organs.”
November 13, 2023
I loved watching Caster compete in professional track races (athletics). But even if you're not a track and field fan, this book is a must read -- an important voice and story for the world! On the back of the book, Trevor Noah is quoted: "Caster's story isn't just a tale of perseverance and poise, it's a story that makes us all interrogate our humanity and the world we build with our actions every day. An essential read." I couldn't agree more!
It saddens (and angers!) me what Caster has had to go through. Yet, this book is a testament to the woman she is.
Caster Semenya is fearless and knows and loves herself -- and her body. It's astounding and inspiring how she can have so much awareness, confidence, resolve -- but I think this probably only because I am a Westerner. Caster says, "I never hid who I was or felt I had to. Everyone in my world seemed to know. I didn't go around yelling that I was into girls, but if I had to address it, I would. If some boy tried me, I'd say it straight out, 'I'm into girls, Maybe me and your sister can talk. And if you like your dick, let us not speak of this again." Page 54
"Girls who preferred to wear trousers or who played with boys weren't considered abominations. It really was not a big fucking deal. These girls would grow out of it and get married and have kids with a guy or not. That's life. And it was no one's business but theirs. There are many ways to be a girl." Page 26
Caster grew up in Rural South Africa and didn't have electricity or running water in her childhood home. At age 12, she is sent to a neighboring village to take care of her elderly grandmother. The people in Caster's life accept her. They don't ridicule her for wanting to wear pants; they don't give her a hard time for wanting to hunt or play soccer. I wish Americans could learn from the villagers Caster grew up with.
"I would confront people straight on. It's how I prefer to do things. And that would be enough to shut their silly mouths right up. No one ever took me up on the offer to drop my shorts. Besides, they didn't have to. I wasn't shy. Not only was I direct with my words, but I had no problem walking around naked in the restroom facilities. I was happy to shower with the rest of the girls. I had nothing to hide." page 80
The book goes into every detail. Caster does not hold back and she is an inspiration.
When IAFF announced their regulations for women with naturally elevated levels of testosterone, Caster was forced to (for more than six years!) take medication that put her essentially into both puberty and menopause and made injuries more likely -- she refers to the medication as poison.
The gonadectomies and clitoridectomies that were performed on women are shameful. And as Caster wrote, "I think any human would find what happened here sickening." Page 236
It's shameful how, in 2018, the IAAF instituted new testosterone limits and effectively ended her career in 2019, without a coveted 800 m. world record. I hope the European Court of Human Rights makes the right decision and gives a favorable outcome for all women.
THIS IS A MUST READ. Bravo, Caster. I commend your courage and dignity. You are a true sportswoman. We can all learn so much from you.
It saddens (and angers!) me what Caster has had to go through. Yet, this book is a testament to the woman she is.
Caster Semenya is fearless and knows and loves herself -- and her body. It's astounding and inspiring how she can have so much awareness, confidence, resolve -- but I think this probably only because I am a Westerner. Caster says, "I never hid who I was or felt I had to. Everyone in my world seemed to know. I didn't go around yelling that I was into girls, but if I had to address it, I would. If some boy tried me, I'd say it straight out, 'I'm into girls, Maybe me and your sister can talk. And if you like your dick, let us not speak of this again." Page 54
"Girls who preferred to wear trousers or who played with boys weren't considered abominations. It really was not a big fucking deal. These girls would grow out of it and get married and have kids with a guy or not. That's life. And it was no one's business but theirs. There are many ways to be a girl." Page 26
Caster grew up in Rural South Africa and didn't have electricity or running water in her childhood home. At age 12, she is sent to a neighboring village to take care of her elderly grandmother. The people in Caster's life accept her. They don't ridicule her for wanting to wear pants; they don't give her a hard time for wanting to hunt or play soccer. I wish Americans could learn from the villagers Caster grew up with.
"I would confront people straight on. It's how I prefer to do things. And that would be enough to shut their silly mouths right up. No one ever took me up on the offer to drop my shorts. Besides, they didn't have to. I wasn't shy. Not only was I direct with my words, but I had no problem walking around naked in the restroom facilities. I was happy to shower with the rest of the girls. I had nothing to hide." page 80
The book goes into every detail. Caster does not hold back and she is an inspiration.
When IAFF announced their regulations for women with naturally elevated levels of testosterone, Caster was forced to (for more than six years!) take medication that put her essentially into both puberty and menopause and made injuries more likely -- she refers to the medication as poison.
The gonadectomies and clitoridectomies that were performed on women are shameful. And as Caster wrote, "I think any human would find what happened here sickening." Page 236
It's shameful how, in 2018, the IAAF instituted new testosterone limits and effectively ended her career in 2019, without a coveted 800 m. world record. I hope the European Court of Human Rights makes the right decision and gives a favorable outcome for all women.
THIS IS A MUST READ. Bravo, Caster. I commend your courage and dignity. You are a true sportswoman. We can all learn so much from you.
Read
September 2, 2023This is one of the most impactful books I have ever read. Please do yourself a favour and pick this up when it comes out. Caster Semenya’s writing is witty and sincere. She talks about her life but also explores all the injustices that she (and other women of colour) have faced in their sport. I don’t rate memoirs but this is my top memoir I’ve read thus far.
March 5, 2024
This book has left me speechless. It’s not just about running, it’s about our right to be treated as human beings regardless of our gender, sex, ethnicity, religion, etc. I’m in awe of Semenya's resiliency and ability to keep going, pursuing her passion and fighting for her right to be treated as a human being despite everything she had to go through.
January 8, 2024
#TheRaceToBeMyself – Caster Semenya
#JonathanBall
She won two Olympic gold medals, three World Championships, dozens of Diamond League Meets, went unbeaten for almost four years, and was the first person ever to win the 400-m, 800-m and 1500-m track events in a four hour timespan. Sadly, she is remembered for the controversy surrounding her, rather than for her achievements. She was only eighteen years old when she shot to fame on the global sporting stage, but became consumed by speculation, rumors, legal battles, and vicious comments like her being a ‘threat to the sport’ and ‘not woman enough’. She remained silent for the most part, letting her running to the talking instead. But now she tells her story. In her own words and in her own way.
Mokgadi Caster was born to parents Jacob and Dorcas Semenya on 7 January 1991. She grew up in the tiny village of Ga-Masehlong in the Limpopo province where her earliest memories are those of running barefoot in the dirt, playing soccer, and hunting. In her own words: ‘We noticed I was different, but different didn’t mean wrong’. (53) At the tender age of seven she dislocated a kneecap and spent seven months in hospital awaiting surgery. This injury would plague her for the rest of her life and resulted in her walking with a slight limp.
She was first introduced to athletics as a sport in high school; as an avid soccer player, competitive running was unknown to her. In February 2009, a few days after her eighteenth birthday, she enrolled at the University of Pretoria. The sporting world appeared to have been her oyster, but the envious monster reared its ugly head the same year in Berlin when she was subjected to a humiliating gynecological examination reminiscent of the days of Joseph Mengele. She was faced with an impossible choice: Quit competing or undergo invasive surgery with virtually no data regarding long term effects and success or agree to medication guaranteed to be life threatening if used for longer than four years. She chose the latter, subjecting herself to side effects, like insomnia, weight gain, nausea, exhaustion, night sweats and panic attacks – for six years.
Her case against the IAAF was set down to commence on 25 February 2019 in the arbitration court in Switzerland. The most bizarre arguments were raised, for example: When the IAAF was accused of discriminatory regulations since the relevant rules applied to women only, the response was ‘...it was a private organization, and, as such, they were not subject to human rights laws.’ (278) The absurdity and blatant discrimination become especially clear when considering that athletes like Usain Bolt, who has much more fast-twitch muscle fibers and a longer stride than average, and Michael Phelps, whose body produces less lactic acid than the norm and possesses hypermobile joints, were not subjected to similar treatment.
For those claiming that she won and competed effortless, consider the facts that she often competed despite physical pain due to injuries and the compulsory medication and that she was dedicated to her career to such an extent that she continued her training sessions even in pouring rain, angrily asking her trainer, Jean Verster, ‘Is it raining blood here, my man? My session isn’t over. I am training.’ (241)
She ran her last IAAF-sanctioned 800-m race in Stanford, California on 30/6/2019. She won in a time of 1:55.69, the fastest time ever on US soil.
The tragic history, as told by herself in this biography, reminds me of the experience with one of my horses. It is generally accepted that horses love sugar cubes and/or peppermints. He hated both. Did it make him any less of a horse because he did not conform to the stereotypical guidelines? Of course not. There is more than one way to be a horse. There is also more than one way to be a woman.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ #Uitdieperdsebek
#JonathanBall
She won two Olympic gold medals, three World Championships, dozens of Diamond League Meets, went unbeaten for almost four years, and was the first person ever to win the 400-m, 800-m and 1500-m track events in a four hour timespan. Sadly, she is remembered for the controversy surrounding her, rather than for her achievements. She was only eighteen years old when she shot to fame on the global sporting stage, but became consumed by speculation, rumors, legal battles, and vicious comments like her being a ‘threat to the sport’ and ‘not woman enough’. She remained silent for the most part, letting her running to the talking instead. But now she tells her story. In her own words and in her own way.
Mokgadi Caster was born to parents Jacob and Dorcas Semenya on 7 January 1991. She grew up in the tiny village of Ga-Masehlong in the Limpopo province where her earliest memories are those of running barefoot in the dirt, playing soccer, and hunting. In her own words: ‘We noticed I was different, but different didn’t mean wrong’. (53) At the tender age of seven she dislocated a kneecap and spent seven months in hospital awaiting surgery. This injury would plague her for the rest of her life and resulted in her walking with a slight limp.
She was first introduced to athletics as a sport in high school; as an avid soccer player, competitive running was unknown to her. In February 2009, a few days after her eighteenth birthday, she enrolled at the University of Pretoria. The sporting world appeared to have been her oyster, but the envious monster reared its ugly head the same year in Berlin when she was subjected to a humiliating gynecological examination reminiscent of the days of Joseph Mengele. She was faced with an impossible choice: Quit competing or undergo invasive surgery with virtually no data regarding long term effects and success or agree to medication guaranteed to be life threatening if used for longer than four years. She chose the latter, subjecting herself to side effects, like insomnia, weight gain, nausea, exhaustion, night sweats and panic attacks – for six years.
Her case against the IAAF was set down to commence on 25 February 2019 in the arbitration court in Switzerland. The most bizarre arguments were raised, for example: When the IAAF was accused of discriminatory regulations since the relevant rules applied to women only, the response was ‘...it was a private organization, and, as such, they were not subject to human rights laws.’ (278) The absurdity and blatant discrimination become especially clear when considering that athletes like Usain Bolt, who has much more fast-twitch muscle fibers and a longer stride than average, and Michael Phelps, whose body produces less lactic acid than the norm and possesses hypermobile joints, were not subjected to similar treatment.
For those claiming that she won and competed effortless, consider the facts that she often competed despite physical pain due to injuries and the compulsory medication and that she was dedicated to her career to such an extent that she continued her training sessions even in pouring rain, angrily asking her trainer, Jean Verster, ‘Is it raining blood here, my man? My session isn’t over. I am training.’ (241)
She ran her last IAAF-sanctioned 800-m race in Stanford, California on 30/6/2019. She won in a time of 1:55.69, the fastest time ever on US soil.
The tragic history, as told by herself in this biography, reminds me of the experience with one of my horses. It is generally accepted that horses love sugar cubes and/or peppermints. He hated both. Did it make him any less of a horse because he did not conform to the stereotypical guidelines? Of course not. There is more than one way to be a horse. There is also more than one way to be a woman.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ #Uitdieperdsebek
December 29, 2023
This has to be the best memoir I’ve ever read! What?!!!
March 16, 2024
"The Race to Be Myself" is a memoir of cocky (in both a good and bad way) defiance in the face of the mud Semenya has had to forge her way through in order to arrive at who she is today. Understandably, the book is a completely one-sided perspective of the author's fight for her right to run (as a woman) at the highest level in the world. It is also her stated purpose of speaking out and setting the record straight.
Semenya's name will likely ring a bell for most people, whether they be interested in athletics or not. She is arguably the most famous intersex person in the world (although she herself disagrees with the term). Because of this, and as someone who was disgusted by how she has been treated in and by the world media, I was very curious to hear her side of the story.
First off, I was happy to read that she appears to have found peace, happiness, and contentedness after the whirlwind that has been her life since she practically exploded onto the scene of world athletics in 2009.
Secondly, I think it relevant to mention that I personally, going into this book, 1) felt that Semenya should be/have been allowed to compete in women's competitions, 2) had/have serious reservations against allowing male-to-female athletes to compete in women's competitions in most (but not all) sports/events, and 3) firmly believe that these are two separate issues (which Semenya would likely agree with based on the not so PC comments/arguments in the book), and 4) was/is disgusted by how nasty, full of personal attacks and accusations, and public the debates around both these issues have been and remains. In other words, I was very sympathetic to Semenya's experiences and cause.
After (and while) reading, her life story is an interesting one; how she describes what she was put through, abhorrent; her obstacles and her fight, intimidating; and where she has landed, inspiring. The book itself, however, is not very good. Similarly, my impression of her after reading is a more negative one than the one I came into the book with. I'm also not sure if what I have read is reflective at all, of who she really is - and if it is, I don't think I would like her all that much (this doesn't matter, of course, but I do think it's indicative of a not-so-good memoir that my impression of the author deteriorates upon hearing her story in her words).
So, my (main) issues with the book are primarily:
1. The writing, simply, isn't very good.
2. The reasoning surrounding a pretty complicated issue is reductive at best. Mostly Semenya reduces things to frequently subjective rights and wrongs, and she appears to view the world in distinct blacks and whites.
3. She also comes across, as many professional athletes do, as a bit of a prick (even when she's right, and in more ways than the self-centeredness she admits in the book). Yes, this is sometimes warranted and often understandable in light of how she herself has been treated, but it also pre-dates her entry onto the world stage.
4. There's a disturbing feeling throughout the book that the different Semenyas (child, youth, and adult) and their circumstances and experiences are constructs and projections. I'm not sure how much of this is due to the writing itself or not, but it definitely made it difficult to connect with her.
The biggest issue, in terms of impact, is arguably how the book does a disservice to the discussions surrounding the debate of who should and shouldn't be allowed to compete in women's sports, and why or why not. There is zero honest discussion on this. Essentially, Semenya's argument is that she is a woman (as evidenced by, in her words, that she has a vagina) and she should be allowed to compete as a woman, period. Whether one agrees with this or not (and again, I definitely agree on the former - albeit for somewhat different reasons than that she has a vagina and sits down to pee - and definitely lean in agreement on the latter myself), it's just not that simple.
Now, I can understand the defensive posture on this, especially considering what she's been through. However, something she briefly mentions very early on and then never touches on again, women's sports is a protected category. This is highly relevant since that, by its very definition, leads to discussions of who should be included in that category. I think it's a glaring omission that his book doesn't even try to give the impression of an honest discussion on any of the arguments surrounding this. I think the reason behind that omission - unlike the larger issue - is simple; Semenya, in no way, shape, or form, allows for that there is a discussion to be had. Consequently, she doesn't, and instead frames all arguments and questions as unwarranted and vicious attacks on her, her family, and others like her (some of the discussions/arguments are, of course, but that doesn't mean that everything is).
I do want to clarify that I, myself, am very unsure exactly where to draw lines (or if, even), especially since I do not have answers that I find satisfactory - and I am unaware of any definitive conclusions from research of where to draw said lines. But considering the stakes and margins of professional sports, I think it dishonest to not at least allow for a debate. In fact, I think professional sports, where fractions of seconds can make or break an athlete, is the only arena where this matters. In every other aspect of society and life, this discussion should be entirely irrelevant. Respecting people and their privacy should not be up for debate.
And this, of course, is where this book is the strongest. Because, even when the debate is relevant, respect and discretion must be the default. What Semenya went through, how she was treated by sports organizations and media, was utterly disgusting. I don't always agree with Semenya's take on things in "The Race to Be Myself," but the fact that the title is appropriate... that's reason alone to read this book. But with tempered expectations.
Semenya's name will likely ring a bell for most people, whether they be interested in athletics or not. She is arguably the most famous intersex person in the world (although she herself disagrees with the term). Because of this, and as someone who was disgusted by how she has been treated in and by the world media, I was very curious to hear her side of the story.
First off, I was happy to read that she appears to have found peace, happiness, and contentedness after the whirlwind that has been her life since she practically exploded onto the scene of world athletics in 2009.
Secondly, I think it relevant to mention that I personally, going into this book, 1) felt that Semenya should be/have been allowed to compete in women's competitions, 2) had/have serious reservations against allowing male-to-female athletes to compete in women's competitions in most (but not all) sports/events, and 3) firmly believe that these are two separate issues (which Semenya would likely agree with based on the not so PC comments/arguments in the book), and 4) was/is disgusted by how nasty, full of personal attacks and accusations, and public the debates around both these issues have been and remains. In other words, I was very sympathetic to Semenya's experiences and cause.
After (and while) reading, her life story is an interesting one; how she describes what she was put through, abhorrent; her obstacles and her fight, intimidating; and where she has landed, inspiring. The book itself, however, is not very good. Similarly, my impression of her after reading is a more negative one than the one I came into the book with. I'm also not sure if what I have read is reflective at all, of who she really is - and if it is, I don't think I would like her all that much (this doesn't matter, of course, but I do think it's indicative of a not-so-good memoir that my impression of the author deteriorates upon hearing her story in her words).
So, my (main) issues with the book are primarily:
1. The writing, simply, isn't very good.
2. The reasoning surrounding a pretty complicated issue is reductive at best. Mostly Semenya reduces things to frequently subjective rights and wrongs, and she appears to view the world in distinct blacks and whites.
3. She also comes across, as many professional athletes do, as a bit of a prick (even when she's right, and in more ways than the self-centeredness she admits in the book). Yes, this is sometimes warranted and often understandable in light of how she herself has been treated, but it also pre-dates her entry onto the world stage.
4. There's a disturbing feeling throughout the book that the different Semenyas (child, youth, and adult) and their circumstances and experiences are constructs and projections. I'm not sure how much of this is due to the writing itself or not, but it definitely made it difficult to connect with her.
The biggest issue, in terms of impact, is arguably how the book does a disservice to the discussions surrounding the debate of who should and shouldn't be allowed to compete in women's sports, and why or why not. There is zero honest discussion on this. Essentially, Semenya's argument is that she is a woman (as evidenced by, in her words, that she has a vagina) and she should be allowed to compete as a woman, period. Whether one agrees with this or not (and again, I definitely agree on the former - albeit for somewhat different reasons than that she has a vagina and sits down to pee - and definitely lean in agreement on the latter myself), it's just not that simple.
Now, I can understand the defensive posture on this, especially considering what she's been through. However, something she briefly mentions very early on and then never touches on again, women's sports is a protected category. This is highly relevant since that, by its very definition, leads to discussions of who should be included in that category. I think it's a glaring omission that his book doesn't even try to give the impression of an honest discussion on any of the arguments surrounding this. I think the reason behind that omission - unlike the larger issue - is simple; Semenya, in no way, shape, or form, allows for that there is a discussion to be had. Consequently, she doesn't, and instead frames all arguments and questions as unwarranted and vicious attacks on her, her family, and others like her (some of the discussions/arguments are, of course, but that doesn't mean that everything is).
I do want to clarify that I, myself, am very unsure exactly where to draw lines (or if, even), especially since I do not have answers that I find satisfactory - and I am unaware of any definitive conclusions from research of where to draw said lines. But considering the stakes and margins of professional sports, I think it dishonest to not at least allow for a debate. In fact, I think professional sports, where fractions of seconds can make or break an athlete, is the only arena where this matters. In every other aspect of society and life, this discussion should be entirely irrelevant. Respecting people and their privacy should not be up for debate.
And this, of course, is where this book is the strongest. Because, even when the debate is relevant, respect and discretion must be the default. What Semenya went through, how she was treated by sports organizations and media, was utterly disgusting. I don't always agree with Semenya's take on things in "The Race to Be Myself," but the fact that the title is appropriate... that's reason alone to read this book. But with tempered expectations.
January 14, 2024
Caster Semenya ist eine Frau, die die Labels verweigert, die ihr gegeben werden. Die Athletin wird "intersex" genannt, weil bei ihr eine Variation der Geschlechtsentwicklung vorliegt. Semenya nennt sich selbst aber nicht "intersex", sie ist eine Frau. Auch das Label "Lesbe" lehnt sie für sich ab, sie ist eine Frau, die Frauen liebt. Vor allem aber ist Caster Semenya eine Sportlerin von Weltklasse: dreifache Weltmeisterin und zweifache Olympiasiegerin im 800 Meter Lauf. In ihrer Autobiographie erzählt sie von ihrem Weg aus einem kleinen Dorf in Südafrika bis an die Weltspitze in ihrer Paradedisziplin. Es geht um Sport und wie sie sich zu Höchstleistungen motiviert, um ungleiche Startvoraussetzungen, um Rassismus und Apartheid. Es geht aber auch um ihren Kampf gegen den Leichtathletik-Weltverband IAAF, der sie und andere Sportlerinnen vom Wettkampf ausschloss, bzw. über Jahre dazu zwang, Medikamente mit heftigen Nebenwirkungen einzunehmen, um ihren natürlichen Testosteronwert zu senken.
Caster Semenya ist eine beeindruckende Frau, mit einer beeindruckenden Geschichte. Ich habe dieses Buch sehnsüchtig erwartet und wurde nicht enttäuscht. Sie ist in so vielerlei Hinsicht ein Vorbild und ich freue mich darauf, ihre Geschichte weiter zu verfolgen. Meine Unterstützung hat sie sicher!
Caster Semenya ist eine beeindruckende Frau, mit einer beeindruckenden Geschichte. Ich habe dieses Buch sehnsüchtig erwartet und wurde nicht enttäuscht. Sie ist in so vielerlei Hinsicht ein Vorbild und ich freue mich darauf, ihre Geschichte weiter zu verfolgen. Meine Unterstützung hat sie sicher!
October 15, 2023
Caster Semenya is a great athlete, loving daughter, wife and mother. She was also the victim of prejudice, double standards and unfair medical practices during her time as one of the best runners to have lived. Her genetics and physical characteristics were used against her, forcing her to take hormones to make her body "more like other women" (whatever that means), and keeping her from participating in her sport because of ever-changing regulations of the International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF). She is not the only athlete to be held under scrutiny for more "masculine" characteristics and talent for running. She mentions other athletes forced to take hormones or turn to gonadectomy to reduce the testosterone that their bodies produced. These procedures were often done hastily, without follow-up care, and ruined the careers of the athletes who were subjected to them. In addition to being one of the best in her sport, Semenya was also forced to be come an advocate for herself and other scrutinized athletes- of which an overwhelming amount are Black. Athletes who were found doping were subjected to fewer blood tests and less scrutiny than an innocent young women who learned her medical history in real-time with the world. Her struggle made me feel ill- how can we treat a teenager this way? Stripping her autonomy away and downright insulting her because we don't think she's woman enough?! Sadly there are intersex people and trans people being subjected to similar circumstances in some cases. No matter what side of the aisle you vote for, please read this book. Understand that when you try to reduce someone to their chromosomes and private parts, you are ignoring their complexity, personhood and God-given divinity.
Thank you to Edelweiss and W. W. Norton & Company for advanced access to this book.
Thank you to Edelweiss and W. W. Norton & Company for advanced access to this book.
November 9, 2023
I’ve read a lot about Caster Semenya recently because I’ve been doing some reading on issues in women’s running. When I saw that she had a memoir out, I jumped at the chance to see what she had to say. She hasn’t talked a lot to the press in the past so I was excited to see her take on all the controversy swirling around her career.
If you aren’t familiar with her, Caster was a great 800 meter runner from South Africa. When she started winning internationally, accusations were made about her gender because of her masculine appearance and her speed. She was forced to undergo surprise gender testing twice. That’s how she found out that she was born with a Difference of Sexual Development. She knew that she didn’t menstruate or develop breasts like other girls but she didn’t have a penis so she was always accepted as a girl in her hometown. Now the world press was hunting for proof that she wasn’t female.
“I can still hear my mother wailing desperately as she tried to explain to perfect strangers that I was born a girl, and that I was her little girl, and why was all of this happening?”
She was forced to take hormones to lower her natural level of testosterone. She had horrible side effects from the medication. It did slow her down but she was still competitive. When that requirement was lifted after a court case from another athlete, she came back into her top form. That’s when the international athletic association that governs track and field had several trials that led to them banning women with DSD from competing in the 400m, 800m, and 1500m events – coincidentally the events she excelled at – unless they dropped their testosterone to very low levels. When she decided to change her focus and train for the 5000 m instead, the ban was extended to all race distances.
The IAAF’s position was that women with high testosterone levels had an unfair advantage equal to the advantage that male athletes had over female athletes. On its face, this is ridiculous. We are not men. I am a great runner, and I train with men, some of whom I can maybe give a hard time to on my best day, just like any other elite female athlete could, but I have never been able to even approach an elite male runner’s times. Likewise, there are plenty of men with normal “male” testosterone levels whose only hope of beating a female athlete with “female” levels is in their dreams.
I loved the way she told her story. I got the feeling that she has been holding all of this in for so long that she wasn’t holding back on the page.
Doped athletes like Savinova had been winning medals and prizes, yet despite the IAAF’s talk about cleaning the sport of illegal drugs, it was people like me and Dutee whose natural bodies were seen as abnormal and were being targeted and shamed out of the sport.
……….
Yet they thought nothing of cheering on the seeming inevitability of wins by genetically gifted athletes like Usain Bolt, who boasted millions more fast-twitch muscle fibers and a stride that was several inches longer than his peers. No one suggested Michael Phelps’s dominance was unfair and he should take medication so he produces just as much lactic acid as his competitors or have surgery to fix his hypermobile joints.
I loved this section about commentators who accused her of being male because running didn’t look hard enough for her. Her race style was to hang back and then have a fast kick at the end of races. They would imply that was possible because she was a man who was holding back to stay with the pack of women and then letting loose the “natural male speed” to pass them all.
I remember the comments the announcers made that day— it was more of the same. They said things like “Looks like two different races out there” and “No effort at all from Semenya,” “Caster just cruises past these women.” I was used to it. My effort didn’t seem like an effort. Such is my talent, I suppose. I make something that is torture look easy.
Look, it may not be “nice” or “proper” to say this, but I think some female athletes are accustomed to flopping around on the track because that’s what the powers-that-be like to see us do. I’m not just talking about running here, I’m talking about everything. And the truth is that seeing people hurt in sports makes some people happy. What those people want to see is the struggle, they want vivid images of humanity pushed beyond its limits. For women, especially, we’re supposed to be so weak that even when we accomplish something physically difficult, we must fall and gasp and flop around.
I remember reading how women were barred from running in the early days of organized sports because men thought their body parts would fall out and that it was “unseemly” for women to sweat in public. Well, look closely at professional women’s races. Most of us run, cross the line, congratulate each other, and go on with the rest of our business. We may take a few deep breaths, maybe we’re dealing with a shin splint or a stitch or some injury, but we’re fine. If you’re an elite athlete and you really can’t breathe and you fall down when you’re done with a race, train harder.
She is very adamant that there is nothing “wrong” with her body. She grew up in an environment that was very accepting of gender expression differences. She was a girl. She had to do more chores because that’s what girls do in the family. She wasn’t seen as different than her sisters.
By the time I became a professional runner, I had already been through years of comments, whether good or bad, about my looks. The thing was I came from a place where people did not question my gender.
……
I wasn’t the only girl who was “boyish” in my village or the surroundings villages. Girls who preferred to wear trousers or who played with boys weren’t considered abominations. It really was not a big fucking deal. These girls would grow out of it and get married and have kids with a guy or not. That’s life. And it was no one’s business but theirs. There are many ways to be a girl.
…..
There were journalists who asked why my parents didn’t realize something was wrong, why they didn’t take me straight to a hospital when they saw I wasn’t developing in the same way other girls were. I hear that in the Western world, a girl like me would have been diagnosed and “treated” from birth or at least as puberty began. This didn’t happen to me because no one thought there was anything to treat. We noticed I was different, but different didn’t mean wrong.
People continued to be convinced that she was either trans or a man in disguise despite the fact that she showered in the open with other athletes as she says so they could get a good look.
My mother and father were freely talking to journalists because there was nothing to hide—they gave birth to and raised a girl. They were humble, rural people and couldn’t understand how it was possible for anyone to question their child’s gender. Their view of the whole thing was that the White people had gone crazy and that we were not going to listen to anything they were saying. That was it.
……
We didn’t have running water or electricity in my village. Where would people like us get the money to change genders?
In South Africa she was a national hero. Her fans supported her. Politicians came to side. She decided to fight the bans on her competing to help herself but also to help other DSD women who were going through the same things.
I received calls and messages from a few athletes, and each interaction was heartbreaking. These girls were not in a good place mentally. Most came from places and families that would not support them, communities where they would be shunned, possibly even hurt. Running had not just been their joy but also a way to get an education. Running was their only source of income, and most were already financially supporting their families. Their sports federations weren’t going to stand up for them—with words or anything else.
Just after the book was finished she won a lawsuit in Switzerland declaring that her human rights had been violated over the gender testing, leaking her results to the press, and being forced to take hormones. It doesn’t allow her to compete but it does make people acknowledge that what they did to her was wrong.
I think this quote should be required reading for anyone who is convinced that women’s sports are in imminent threat from trans and DSD athletes.
Despite my fast times, I hadn’t even broken the world record. I am the fourth fastest 800-m runner in the history of the sport. And as far as I know, not one of the women who have run the 800 meter faster than me had my condition.
Yeah, she’s one of the greatest of all times. But not the best. She didn’t blow everyone else away. She points out other runners who went crying to the press about how unfair it was when she beat them, yet never mentioned a word to the press when they beat her in the same year.
This book was compelling and heartbreaking. I’d love to see everyone who has had something to say about her participation in races over the years have to read it.
If you aren’t familiar with her, Caster was a great 800 meter runner from South Africa. When she started winning internationally, accusations were made about her gender because of her masculine appearance and her speed. She was forced to undergo surprise gender testing twice. That’s how she found out that she was born with a Difference of Sexual Development. She knew that she didn’t menstruate or develop breasts like other girls but she didn’t have a penis so she was always accepted as a girl in her hometown. Now the world press was hunting for proof that she wasn’t female.
“I can still hear my mother wailing desperately as she tried to explain to perfect strangers that I was born a girl, and that I was her little girl, and why was all of this happening?”
She was forced to take hormones to lower her natural level of testosterone. She had horrible side effects from the medication. It did slow her down but she was still competitive. When that requirement was lifted after a court case from another athlete, she came back into her top form. That’s when the international athletic association that governs track and field had several trials that led to them banning women with DSD from competing in the 400m, 800m, and 1500m events – coincidentally the events she excelled at – unless they dropped their testosterone to very low levels. When she decided to change her focus and train for the 5000 m instead, the ban was extended to all race distances.
The IAAF’s position was that women with high testosterone levels had an unfair advantage equal to the advantage that male athletes had over female athletes. On its face, this is ridiculous. We are not men. I am a great runner, and I train with men, some of whom I can maybe give a hard time to on my best day, just like any other elite female athlete could, but I have never been able to even approach an elite male runner’s times. Likewise, there are plenty of men with normal “male” testosterone levels whose only hope of beating a female athlete with “female” levels is in their dreams.
I loved the way she told her story. I got the feeling that she has been holding all of this in for so long that she wasn’t holding back on the page.
Doped athletes like Savinova had been winning medals and prizes, yet despite the IAAF’s talk about cleaning the sport of illegal drugs, it was people like me and Dutee whose natural bodies were seen as abnormal and were being targeted and shamed out of the sport.
……….
Yet they thought nothing of cheering on the seeming inevitability of wins by genetically gifted athletes like Usain Bolt, who boasted millions more fast-twitch muscle fibers and a stride that was several inches longer than his peers. No one suggested Michael Phelps’s dominance was unfair and he should take medication so he produces just as much lactic acid as his competitors or have surgery to fix his hypermobile joints.
I loved this section about commentators who accused her of being male because running didn’t look hard enough for her. Her race style was to hang back and then have a fast kick at the end of races. They would imply that was possible because she was a man who was holding back to stay with the pack of women and then letting loose the “natural male speed” to pass them all.
I remember the comments the announcers made that day— it was more of the same. They said things like “Looks like two different races out there” and “No effort at all from Semenya,” “Caster just cruises past these women.” I was used to it. My effort didn’t seem like an effort. Such is my talent, I suppose. I make something that is torture look easy.
Look, it may not be “nice” or “proper” to say this, but I think some female athletes are accustomed to flopping around on the track because that’s what the powers-that-be like to see us do. I’m not just talking about running here, I’m talking about everything. And the truth is that seeing people hurt in sports makes some people happy. What those people want to see is the struggle, they want vivid images of humanity pushed beyond its limits. For women, especially, we’re supposed to be so weak that even when we accomplish something physically difficult, we must fall and gasp and flop around.
I remember reading how women were barred from running in the early days of organized sports because men thought their body parts would fall out and that it was “unseemly” for women to sweat in public. Well, look closely at professional women’s races. Most of us run, cross the line, congratulate each other, and go on with the rest of our business. We may take a few deep breaths, maybe we’re dealing with a shin splint or a stitch or some injury, but we’re fine. If you’re an elite athlete and you really can’t breathe and you fall down when you’re done with a race, train harder.
She is very adamant that there is nothing “wrong” with her body. She grew up in an environment that was very accepting of gender expression differences. She was a girl. She had to do more chores because that’s what girls do in the family. She wasn’t seen as different than her sisters.
By the time I became a professional runner, I had already been through years of comments, whether good or bad, about my looks. The thing was I came from a place where people did not question my gender.
……
I wasn’t the only girl who was “boyish” in my village or the surroundings villages. Girls who preferred to wear trousers or who played with boys weren’t considered abominations. It really was not a big fucking deal. These girls would grow out of it and get married and have kids with a guy or not. That’s life. And it was no one’s business but theirs. There are many ways to be a girl.
…..
There were journalists who asked why my parents didn’t realize something was wrong, why they didn’t take me straight to a hospital when they saw I wasn’t developing in the same way other girls were. I hear that in the Western world, a girl like me would have been diagnosed and “treated” from birth or at least as puberty began. This didn’t happen to me because no one thought there was anything to treat. We noticed I was different, but different didn’t mean wrong.
People continued to be convinced that she was either trans or a man in disguise despite the fact that she showered in the open with other athletes as she says so they could get a good look.
My mother and father were freely talking to journalists because there was nothing to hide—they gave birth to and raised a girl. They were humble, rural people and couldn’t understand how it was possible for anyone to question their child’s gender. Their view of the whole thing was that the White people had gone crazy and that we were not going to listen to anything they were saying. That was it.
……
We didn’t have running water or electricity in my village. Where would people like us get the money to change genders?
In South Africa she was a national hero. Her fans supported her. Politicians came to side. She decided to fight the bans on her competing to help herself but also to help other DSD women who were going through the same things.
I received calls and messages from a few athletes, and each interaction was heartbreaking. These girls were not in a good place mentally. Most came from places and families that would not support them, communities where they would be shunned, possibly even hurt. Running had not just been their joy but also a way to get an education. Running was their only source of income, and most were already financially supporting their families. Their sports federations weren’t going to stand up for them—with words or anything else.
Just after the book was finished she won a lawsuit in Switzerland declaring that her human rights had been violated over the gender testing, leaking her results to the press, and being forced to take hormones. It doesn’t allow her to compete but it does make people acknowledge that what they did to her was wrong.
I think this quote should be required reading for anyone who is convinced that women’s sports are in imminent threat from trans and DSD athletes.
Despite my fast times, I hadn’t even broken the world record. I am the fourth fastest 800-m runner in the history of the sport. And as far as I know, not one of the women who have run the 800 meter faster than me had my condition.
Yeah, she’s one of the greatest of all times. But not the best. She didn’t blow everyone else away. She points out other runners who went crying to the press about how unfair it was when she beat them, yet never mentioned a word to the press when they beat her in the same year.
This book was compelling and heartbreaking. I’d love to see everyone who has had something to say about her participation in races over the years have to read it.
March 20, 2024
An awesome memoir - read it for a class but would highly recommend if you want more insight on Caster’s experience and the gross mistreatment of intersex athletes in sport from its governing bodies, the media, and the public. #theIAAFsucks Now I gotta go write a book report on it lol
January 5, 2024
It is clear that she was treated shamefully by the IAAF, the media and other athletes. This puts her point across in a raw and powerful account that also highlights the many barriers she faced to participation and how high the stakes were for her.
My issues are
- the dsd issue is complex. The IAAF got it wrong and I don’t have the answers, but she simplified it in a way that doesn’t help the open dialogue we need on this complex matter to end the vitriol
- the writing is poor, relying on a lot of swearing
- the affinity with pistorius is just odd. Why sympathise with a convicted murderer?
I’m glad I read it but wouldn’t call it a good read
My issues are
- the dsd issue is complex. The IAAF got it wrong and I don’t have the answers, but she simplified it in a way that doesn’t help the open dialogue we need on this complex matter to end the vitriol
- the writing is poor, relying on a lot of swearing
- the affinity with pistorius is just odd. Why sympathise with a convicted murderer?
I’m glad I read it but wouldn’t call it a good read
May 26, 2024
A bit too long but ultimately an interesting story about a very determined athlete that I did not know anything about before reading this memoir
April 6, 2024
This was absolutely gripping. The writing and story are beyond what most memoirs accomplish. I am appalled by the way that Caster and other female athletes have been treated with gender testing and invasive exams. It also reinforces that supposed "scientific" sex/gender is a deeply colonial precept, and non-Western & pre-colonial cultures do not create gender in the same way. That being said, in the middle sections Caster draws some confusing lines between folks with DSD and trans women in terms of their participation in sports that I didn't agree with. At the end she shows solidarity with trans women, though it is rather limited. I support Caster's gender self-determination but her justification that she is a woman because she was raised one and has a vagina--as opposed to her being one because she says so--feels a little anti-trans. I am curious how her feelings about trans women in sports has evolved over time. Overall Caster is BADASS and brilliant, and I'm so grateful for her telling her story.
March 28, 2024
When I was 10 years old, the World Championships in Athletics took place in my home town. The discussion about Caster Semenya's sex was the topic for weeks and weeks on the news, at my school, at home. I still remember asking my mum why doctors could not simply check her gender (by which I meant 'genitals'). Being brought up as an endosex kid in an endosex, binary world, no one had taught me about the spectrum of biological sex. Or about the inhumanity in questioning and investigating somebody's gender (even though as a genderqueer child I had been experiencing precisely that myself throughout all of my childhood).
During the next 15 years, Caster Semenya's name kept popping up randomly: in discussions about intersex athletes in the sport's world, trans teenage girls on football teams, unfair advantages due to testosterone levels, racist and classist ideas about evened playing fields, oppurtunities, prerequisitions.
When I heard that she was finally publishing a book about her own perspective on her childhood and rise to fame, I simply knew that I had to read it! And I had such a great time doing so!
Semenya gifts us with both a suspenseful, fairytale-like memoir about a girl from rural South Africa on her path to be an internationally-famous record breaker, and a thriller about the inhumane cruelty with which elite sports keep treating intersex athletes.
In every paragraph, Semenya's personality shines through: Straightforward, no-nonsense, driven, unapologetic, confident. Aside from any content of the book, I simply loved spending time with her voice! It was truly what carried the story and what caught my interest again and again (because sports memoirs can get pretty redundant). I don't toss around this lightly; but she is a genuinely inspiring person and would be so, no matter her athletic success or her resilience during a decades-long slandering on an international stage.
Even though I try to stay informed about the state of intersex rights, I learned so much about the experience of intersex athletes in the 2000s and 2010s. I truly wish that people who are still going on about "unfair advantages" would inform themselves about the lived realities of intersex runners: At age 18, Semenya learned about her intersex diagnosis through international media. She was forced into a hormone therapy that would sicken her for years; having to endure unannounced, randomised checks by Olympic officials twice a month for a decade.
Semenya describes how fellow athletes, officials and the press dehumanised her. How the testosterone regulations targeted exactly those running distances that she and other female Black intersex runners excelled in. That Olympic doctors pushed "recommended" surgeries onto uninformed athletes, removing their gonads and reshaping their vulvas, and for most, ending their careers that way.
How athletes like Usain Bolt and Michael Phelps were praised for their biological advantages at the exact same time. How she lost races to runners that were publicly celebrated – and doping. That despite being excused of having absolute advantage over other female runners, Semenya still never broke the world record for her favourite distance.
There is still so much to uncover about the deeply racist and interphobic practices in the Olympic world. That Caster Semenya is happily married to her wife with two kids and lives to support athletic youth these days, on the other hand, makes me so happy.
During the next 15 years, Caster Semenya's name kept popping up randomly: in discussions about intersex athletes in the sport's world, trans teenage girls on football teams, unfair advantages due to testosterone levels, racist and classist ideas about evened playing fields, oppurtunities, prerequisitions.
When I heard that she was finally publishing a book about her own perspective on her childhood and rise to fame, I simply knew that I had to read it! And I had such a great time doing so!
Semenya gifts us with both a suspenseful, fairytale-like memoir about a girl from rural South Africa on her path to be an internationally-famous record breaker, and a thriller about the inhumane cruelty with which elite sports keep treating intersex athletes.
In every paragraph, Semenya's personality shines through: Straightforward, no-nonsense, driven, unapologetic, confident. Aside from any content of the book, I simply loved spending time with her voice! It was truly what carried the story and what caught my interest again and again (because sports memoirs can get pretty redundant). I don't toss around this lightly; but she is a genuinely inspiring person and would be so, no matter her athletic success or her resilience during a decades-long slandering on an international stage.
Even though I try to stay informed about the state of intersex rights, I learned so much about the experience of intersex athletes in the 2000s and 2010s. I truly wish that people who are still going on about "unfair advantages" would inform themselves about the lived realities of intersex runners: At age 18, Semenya learned about her intersex diagnosis through international media. She was forced into a hormone therapy that would sicken her for years; having to endure unannounced, randomised checks by Olympic officials twice a month for a decade.
Semenya describes how fellow athletes, officials and the press dehumanised her. How the testosterone regulations targeted exactly those running distances that she and other female Black intersex runners excelled in. That Olympic doctors pushed "recommended" surgeries onto uninformed athletes, removing their gonads and reshaping their vulvas, and for most, ending their careers that way.
How athletes like Usain Bolt and Michael Phelps were praised for their biological advantages at the exact same time. How she lost races to runners that were publicly celebrated – and doping. That despite being excused of having absolute advantage over other female runners, Semenya still never broke the world record for her favourite distance.
There is still so much to uncover about the deeply racist and interphobic practices in the Olympic world. That Caster Semenya is happily married to her wife with two kids and lives to support athletic youth these days, on the other hand, makes me so happy.
March 28, 2024
This is a fascinating memoir by a remarkable woman. Caster Semenya grew up in poverty is South Africa. At the age of eighteen she burst onto the world sports scene when she won the 800m at he IAAF World Championships. Due to complaints that she looked and ran like a boy, she was then subjected to invasive gender testing without her consent. I felt her pain as she described being put in stirrups and poked and prodded. The results of that testing were leaked to the media before even she was told what had been discovered...that she was in fact intersex. Caster persisted in her career, taking drugs for a number of years and enduring horrible side effects to lower her testosterone level to meet guidelines set by the IAAF. She tells her story very well, although English is not her first language. Her confidence and sense of self are impressive. It is interesting to see the difference in attitudes toward gender and sexuality between Africa and North America, as Caster describes a childhood in which her tom-boy nature and preference for typically male activities were never questioned. She was just a different kind of girl. I do wish that she had used less profanity to express her justifiable anger, but I realize that as English is not her native language, they are just words to her. This is a very thought provoking book. I'm not sure where I stand on the issues of gender in sport, but I do believe that all elite athletes have genetic advantages over us mere mortals. People just seem to have a bigger problem with sexual differences than other conditions that might give an athlete an advantage.
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March 28, 2024thesisboekje, maar sowieso wel een interessante
April 24, 2024
I sat down and read this book and didn’t realize how much time has passed. Semenya puts on no airs in this book- it is her raw voice, almost as if she’s pulled you to the side at an event to confide in.
Navigating a story with personal, political and human levels Semenya clearly shows the negative impact of IAAF policies and links them to problematic doping practices, racism, misogyny, and capitalism.
This book just got better and better.
Navigating a story with personal, political and human levels Semenya clearly shows the negative impact of IAAF policies and links them to problematic doping practices, racism, misogyny, and capitalism.
This book just got better and better.
July 4, 2024
This was such a wholesome read. I wasn’t aware of the whole situation of what Caster was dealing with, but I had heard of her. The news didn’t honor her with her name, but this woman deserves all the honor in the world. She dealt with repeated public humiliation and never backed down. The book was written as though she’s telling her life story to a friend, without being pompous or full of herself. It’s an easy read with a fascinating look into the life of an Olympian.
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March 23, 2024Caster, the woman that you are ❤️
Besides the insights into one of the most self assured, confident, headstrong and resilient people I have EVER come across, this story is so important. The insidious practices of the IAAF need to be exposed and those in power expelled. Caster's story is, sadly, not the only one as the harmful practices are widespread and not often spoken about thanks to IAAF's abuse of power.
I was thoroughly engrossed start to finish, and I am o b s e s s e d with Caster's potty mouth, no nonsense approach. I laughed, I also cried a lot. It's a beautiful portrait of humanity and the fight to be recognised as a human.
I highly recommend the audiobook. The narrator was INCREDIBLE. Caster narrates the Prologue and Epilogue, and the prologue is possibly one of the most powerful openings to a book I've ever read.
Caster, baby, I hope you get that farm in your home town one day and the life you have fought for ❤️
Besides the insights into one of the most self assured, confident, headstrong and resilient people I have EVER come across, this story is so important. The insidious practices of the IAAF need to be exposed and those in power expelled. Caster's story is, sadly, not the only one as the harmful practices are widespread and not often spoken about thanks to IAAF's abuse of power.
I was thoroughly engrossed start to finish, and I am o b s e s s e d with Caster's potty mouth, no nonsense approach. I laughed, I also cried a lot. It's a beautiful portrait of humanity and the fight to be recognised as a human.
I highly recommend the audiobook. The narrator was INCREDIBLE. Caster narrates the Prologue and Epilogue, and the prologue is possibly one of the most powerful openings to a book I've ever read.
Caster, baby, I hope you get that farm in your home town one day and the life you have fought for ❤️
December 3, 2023
Interesting story, and I have a lot of empathy for Semenya, but the writing was pretty mediocre
July 5, 2025
I wasn't sure about reading this autobiography but I'm glad that I did. Not everyone is the same and diversity needs to be recognised not punished.
December 17, 2024
I have even more admiration for Caster Semenya after reading this book. She is a force to be reckoned with as an athlete, and as an advocate for athletes, women, racialized people in sport, and all athletes who in some way fall outside of narrow sex/gender norms.
The narrative is told straightforwardly, with an exhaustive level of detail at times. I enjoyed the early part of the story best, as Semenya, growing up in a small remote village in South Africa, had a very different upbringing than I did. Although Semenya did not consider herself poor growing up, as she and her sibilings were always well fed and clothed, certainly by global north standards the lack of ready access to running water, power, medical care etc. feel like humble circumstances. It was interesting getting a window into that world, and I enjoyed her many spirited schenanigans as a highly independent youngster. It's also remarkable she was able to have a major leg injury in her youth and still go on to be an Olympic gold medalist!
Despite the racist perception in the global north that the global south is more backward, and as part of that, more homophobic transphobic, and intolerant of gender norm deviation, Caster's family and community are very accepting of her being gender non-conforming from her earliest childhood, taking on chores typically assigned to boys, and playing sports with and befriending boys. Her family is also accepting when she comes out to them as a lesbian in her teens. She does receive some push back in the athletic world for being gay, and especially openly so, although not as much as she receives as an intersex person. I refer to her as intersex here, and she does refer to herself that way, reluctantly, a couple of times in the book. But she prefers to refer to herself as a different kind of woman.
There were a couple places in the book where it felt like her fight to be recognized as a woman and not be lumped in with trans people blurred into her making some inadvertantly transphobic statements. At one point she refers hypothetically to not being like a "man who think she's a woman" participating in sport. She makes this comment in the context of pushing back against claims that Dr. Joanna Harper, a trans woman scientist, made against her participation in running without medical intervention, while was serving as an expert witness in one of the court cases where Semenya was fighting for her right to compete. I don't know anything about Dr. Harper besides what I read in this book, but it sounds like she does bad science, and is trying to seek cisgender approval by throwing other trans and intersex people under the bus. Semenya's words were nonetheless unfortunate. She does later in the book clearly state that trans women should also have the opportunity to compete, and expresses support for trans rights generally, so I think that these were just poorly chosen words. I hope that she will continue to have solidarity with the trans community going forward, because although she is a cisgender woman, she and others with differences in sex development share a lot in common in terms of struggles for rights with trans people.
Semenya also offers important commentary on the racialization of our understandings of sex/gender as sex differences are investigated almost exclusively in Black and brown women competitive athletes.
I'm glad she shared her story and wish her all the best both in her ongoing legal challenges, her coaching, and her life as a mom & wife, a dream come true for Semenya.
The narrative is told straightforwardly, with an exhaustive level of detail at times. I enjoyed the early part of the story best, as Semenya, growing up in a small remote village in South Africa, had a very different upbringing than I did. Although Semenya did not consider herself poor growing up, as she and her sibilings were always well fed and clothed, certainly by global north standards the lack of ready access to running water, power, medical care etc. feel like humble circumstances. It was interesting getting a window into that world, and I enjoyed her many spirited schenanigans as a highly independent youngster. It's also remarkable she was able to have a major leg injury in her youth and still go on to be an Olympic gold medalist!
Despite the racist perception in the global north that the global south is more backward, and as part of that, more homophobic transphobic, and intolerant of gender norm deviation, Caster's family and community are very accepting of her being gender non-conforming from her earliest childhood, taking on chores typically assigned to boys, and playing sports with and befriending boys. Her family is also accepting when she comes out to them as a lesbian in her teens. She does receive some push back in the athletic world for being gay, and especially openly so, although not as much as she receives as an intersex person. I refer to her as intersex here, and she does refer to herself that way, reluctantly, a couple of times in the book. But she prefers to refer to herself as a different kind of woman.
There were a couple places in the book where it felt like her fight to be recognized as a woman and not be lumped in with trans people blurred into her making some inadvertantly transphobic statements. At one point she refers hypothetically to not being like a "man who think she's a woman" participating in sport. She makes this comment in the context of pushing back against claims that Dr. Joanna Harper, a trans woman scientist, made against her participation in running without medical intervention, while was serving as an expert witness in one of the court cases where Semenya was fighting for her right to compete. I don't know anything about Dr. Harper besides what I read in this book, but it sounds like she does bad science, and is trying to seek cisgender approval by throwing other trans and intersex people under the bus. Semenya's words were nonetheless unfortunate. She does later in the book clearly state that trans women should also have the opportunity to compete, and expresses support for trans rights generally, so I think that these were just poorly chosen words. I hope that she will continue to have solidarity with the trans community going forward, because although she is a cisgender woman, she and others with differences in sex development share a lot in common in terms of struggles for rights with trans people.
Semenya also offers important commentary on the racialization of our understandings of sex/gender as sex differences are investigated almost exclusively in Black and brown women competitive athletes.
I'm glad she shared her story and wish her all the best both in her ongoing legal challenges, her coaching, and her life as a mom & wife, a dream come true for Semenya.
September 22, 2024
A very moving read about Caster Semenya, whose story has been flashed before our eyes from seemingly every perspective but her own. A book for any runner, sure, but really just any person curious about how the parameters of gender, sex, biology, and race are constantly *arbitrarily* redefined and quantified and yet somehow still held up as irrefutable standards of objectivity, finiteness, and fairness. What is the point of these metrics, say the IAAF? Fairness of competition, protecting women’s sport from those who don't belong. What is the point, really? Regulating and constantly drawing a narrower and narrower circle around what it means to be a woman (athlete): White, wiry framed, looking like you “put in effort," a certain number of nanomoles of a hormone that all bodies have and secrete in varying amounts each day. The IAAF is notorious for using pseudoscientific studies that disproportionately affect the competitive status and livelihood of women of color in relentless defense of what a woman fundamentally “is.” But until we are able to study systemically the effects of endogenous hormones on people who fall in the intersex category… how are we to come up with this all-too-convenient conclusion that testosterone increase ALONE is responsible for faster times, stronger performances? that simply pumping these "aberration" athletes full of estrogen is not only a safe but also a productive "fix" to the issue? That a "gender test" carried out with reckless abandon by Western doctors is the all-knowing standard of who should "count" in a category? Caster’s story will set you off as much as it sets you free: from that prison of knowing yourself to be one thing, but the world’s ever-shifting boxes ensnaring you as another. her story reveals not just the injustices and clear ulterior motives of the IAAF, but also her strong mind and heart, the discipline and practicality that grounded her for over a decade of legal turmoil and trauma and that saw her into a new chapter of life. A story worth sharing with all whose passions come into collision with their identity, and those who seek to know more about what professional athletes come up against in their quests to do what they love.
August 9, 2025
What a remarkable woman. I've been following Semenya's career for many years and I'm so glad she decided to put out her whole story in this memoir, in her own words. Her voice comes through so clearly in these pages; I've seen many interviews with her over the years, and this book is an in-depth extension of the person I've long admired. Her story can help us see each other as human first, before our biology.
What I find most inspiring is her persistence and uncowed determination. I appreciate her direct and unapologetic approach to everything. And she's also hopeful; not many on this planet could have gone through what she did and not descend into bitterness--she chooses to focus on the future. And through it all, she continually speaks about her acceptance of the body God gave her. "I believe I'm a living testimony of God to show that when you are given life, never take it for granted. I was given a body, I was given a soul, I was given a brain, a heart, and all the organs in my body. I am using them each and every day...My body is mine, and I will not change it for anyone...My soul feels right in my body."
What I find most inspiring is her persistence and uncowed determination. I appreciate her direct and unapologetic approach to everything. And she's also hopeful; not many on this planet could have gone through what she did and not descend into bitterness--she chooses to focus on the future. And through it all, she continually speaks about her acceptance of the body God gave her. "I believe I'm a living testimony of God to show that when you are given life, never take it for granted. I was given a body, I was given a soul, I was given a brain, a heart, and all the organs in my body. I am using them each and every day...My body is mine, and I will not change it for anyone...My soul feels right in my body."
April 12, 2024
I think this is my favorite book of 2024. I could not put it down and I believe everyone should read it. As a recreational runner, I had followed and watched Caster for many years. I was aware of the rumors about her and admit, I was skeptical of her. I knew she was vilified by the media in many ways. I am SO grateful she was able to put her story in to her own words. She comes across at times as arrogant but I think she had to be that way to get through what she went through and to be such an elite runner. I didn’t love all the swearing but I think that is just who she is and I didn’t judge her for it. I would swear a lot too if I had to go through what she did! I love she owns it. I have such a greater respect for her physical and mental strength. She was violated and dehumanized and still continued to walk out on the track and fight to be the best athlete she could be. I believe in supporting and protecting women’s sport but my opinion has shifted from what the news stories made me think…Caster had every right to be out there. I learned so much and had no idea how many elite athletes endured similar treatment as Caster. It was off-putting at times how cocky she came across but honestly, I loved it. I love her confidence, her belief in herself, and how comfortable she is in the body God gave her. It was endearing. She should never have had to go through what she did but she will leave the world a better place by sharing her story. I do not know what the answer is or where to draw the line to make sport “fair” for women, but this book really expands the mind on the complexities of sex and gender. Caster was raised a girl and that is who she is. It devastated me when she was robbed of that image she had of herself when she started being treated like a science experiment. And how many other elite villager runners would find out for the first time that they were unable to have children through these tests. I’m not sure we will ever have an answer on how to properly handle women’s sports but I do not think it was handled well in Caster’s situation. I’m so glad she did not quit and kept bravely showing up to race. She has a naive innocence that the world tried to rob her of and I think that’s what broke my heart the most. I loved how strong, proud, resilient, confident and tough she came across through her words. Her spirit is really something. Say what you want, but no one can argue that the girl is one hell of a competitor.
August 26, 2024
Sentí tanta rabia, indignación y triste con este libro, ver lo que le hicieron la prensa, las autoridades deportivas y la gente a una chica que llegaba de su aldea y un entorno solidario a un mundo que la diseccionó y deshumanizó porque no se ajustaba a lo que ellos esperan de lo que es una mujer.
Hay mucha y tristeza en este libro, pareciera que Caster no ha terminado de procesar todo y quizá no lo haga mientras el juicio siga o pase más tiempo, todo se siente como una herida abierta.
Pareciera que Caster va a sentarse a esperar que pasen los cadáveres de sus enemigos cuando les llegue su momento. Good for her.
Hay mucha y tristeza en este libro, pareciera que Caster no ha terminado de procesar todo y quizá no lo haga mientras el juicio siga o pase más tiempo, todo se siente como una herida abierta.
Pareciera que Caster va a sentarse a esperar que pasen los cadáveres de sus enemigos cuando les llegue su momento. Good for her.
August 15, 2024
A compelling yet highly disturbing story of what happened to a young athlete trying to do something she loved. Caster is an inspiration and her blunt, no nonsense attitude is admiring for all she had to endure. She embodies strength & charisma. I admire her not only as an athlete, but as a woman fighting injustices for herself & others.
Very amazing memoir & felt like I read this at the perfect time for the 2024 Olympics. Wish I could’ve seen Caster in Paris, but mistreatment from Olympic Officials would not let her compete.
Very amazing memoir & felt like I read this at the perfect time for the 2024 Olympics. Wish I could’ve seen Caster in Paris, but mistreatment from Olympic Officials would not let her compete.
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