Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship

by K.C. Davis

Sensible and practical, Who Deserves Your Love brings the authoritative yet gentle approach that made How to Keep House While Drowning a perennial bestseller, to the universal desire for healthy and workable relationships, whether romantic, familial, or platonic.

Is love conditional? How do you navigate a relationship where someone’s best efforts are hurting you? When should you step away? These are some of the questions therapists and TikTok sensation KC Davis explores in Who Deserves Your Love. In writing that is both plainspoken and powerful, she explains how vulnerability, trauma, and personal history can be both the cause of and the solution to relationship struggles.

KC offers explicit tools, including a priceless Decision Tree, to help you distinguish mistreatment from abuse, define your own values, and emotionally regulate in difficult situations. Her guidance will guide you to determine who deserves your time and love and who may not. With radical honesty, she covers key topics foundational to designing expansive and protective boundaries and making relationship decisions. Key topics include:
-Why conflict is intimacy
-Why the backbone to any relationship is the small moments
-How to get healthy around your vulnerabilities—and how to avoid the trap of the “vulnerability cycle”
-How to establish basic standards in a relationship
-When to make value-based decisions in a relationship

Who Deserves Your Love is practical and compassionate, written in short bursts of clarity and filled with visual tools such as lists and diagrams, as well as KC’s powerful “morally neutral” approach. The writing style is suited for those with ADHD, depression, or anyone who appreciates expertise without being overwhelmed by lengthy descriptions.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Audiobook, Psychology, Mental Health, Personal Development

240 pages, Hardcover

Published May 6, 2025

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Reviews

[Alexandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

In a world of adages like “you don’t owe anyone anything” and co-opted “therapy speak,” this book is a breath of fresh air. As a therapist, I dislike the vast majority of self help books because they apply their concepts unilaterally and fail to consider different contexts (I refuse to read “The Let Them Theory” for this reason). KC Davis does a great job discussing the complexity of relationships in a clear and concise manner. Her advice is practical and compassionate. I am so glad that she wrote this.

[Elena · Rating 5 out of 5]

*I received this as an arc from NetGalley in exchange for a review*

As a fan of the author on TikTok, I was so excited to dive into this book.

It’s an intricate and practical look at relationships, community aligning your actions with your values, what we owe to ourselves, each other, and more.

It’s also an excellent reminder that the pros of practicing vulnerability and boundaries is often on the other side of discomfort. And you have to learn to regulate in the face of that discomfort!

The concepts are not reinventing the wheel BUT:
1) The author’s explicit purpose is to help those without access to this type of information and
2) This book is so refreshing in the midst of a billion terrible pop-psychology books / psychological Dave Ramsey’s.

The writing is so compelling - you can hear the authors voice in every page. It’s extremely easy to understand and digest. I read it in one evening! Amazing read - highly recommend.

[Marjorie · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

[Rachel Kohlbrenner · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars rounded up. I will be referring back to this book for years to come. Helpful and clear and informative while be understanding and realizing relationships are complex and multifaceted.

[Naty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gosh, this was a hard read.

[Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

KC Davis has done it again you guys ❤️

A simple, short, but deeply healing nonfiction to read about boundaries (creating them, keeping them) and who deserves your love. You know how some people like to say, “You don’t owe anyone anything! You do you!”…etc.? Well, KC doesn’t agree with that, and neither do I. KC believes that we do owe other human beings the bare minimum, depending on your relationship with the other person in question. We do not owe abusers anything, of course, but there is a general level of respect that needs to be shared in relationships of any kind.

This is such a helpful read. KC is a licensed practical counselor and teaches with compassion. Learning about the vulnerability cycle, emotional regulation, responsibility, boundaries, overfunctioning, control… wow. I felt so seen.

The audiobook is narrated by the author and I highly recommend it. I also highly recommend her other book (How to Keep House While Drowning) - it was life-changing for me. I listened to this on audio but KC is always mentioning the website you can refer to for the graphics that are in the novel (strugglecare.com/deserve). I already want to buy a physical copy so I can annotate and really put these things into practice.

[Indi · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is a really useful book, and I can't highly enough recommend the audiobook read by the author. there were several concepts I had heard of before but came to deeply understand while listening to this book, and it is helping me to take positive action in my life.
I really appreciate the clear language and the style it's presented in.

[Talia Hernandez · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 Davis has so much compassion that bleeds through her carefully chosen words while also acknowledging nuances and accessibility. Written by a neurodivergent for neurodivergents.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

better than most therapy books i have read. theres actually a lot of good take aways from this and some
practices that i think are good. really helps clear up confusion about pop psychology terms like boundaries.

[Maggie Ornelas · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many helpful real life examples of healthy and unhealthy relationships! It’s a modern take with a gentle and straightforward approach.

[Vmndetta (or V!) ᛑᛗᛛ · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is just so good. I honestly need more books like this in my life. It's clear, practical, and actually helpful, not just full of pretty words. I like how this book talks about love, boundaries, and relationships in a way that feels honest and realistic and also fun.

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved how straight-talking this was. Super realistic and useful tools for understanding and framing relationships in your life.

[Taylor Sikich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book so much. With working in mental health, the content wasn’t brand new, but KC Davis truly has a gift with making her writing so accessible and digestible. Can’t recommend enough!

[My Little Happy Nook · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 ⭐️

From the author of “How to Keep House While Drowning” comes “Who Deserves Your Love,” and I found myself learning a lot about myself and the work I must continue to do in my own life as I read this book.

I want to start off by saying this book is not for everyone in the same way that “How to Keep House While Drowning” is not for everyone (In many ways I feel that you will know if this is or is not for you just from the title haha). I don’t agree with this author on everything she believes or writes, but I still find that her books help me in ways other books on these topics haven’t helped me. She uses profanity in her books, and resolves certain situations in her books in ways I would not. Nevertheless I personally feel that I don’t have to agree with an author on everything to learn from them, and I have learned quite a few helpful tips from this author.

This author is very intentional about making her writing accessible to all types of readers (and I really appreciate this fact). Her discussion of boundaries and the fact that boundaries are about you and not the person you are setting them with (and the internal work that is critical to real/healthy boundary setting) was very helpful and informative to me. Her discussion of people pleasing and framing it as a way that we use external validation from others as a form of emotional regulation really resonated with me. I still have a long way to go in becoming as well regulated as I hope to one day be, but this book was very helpful for me in re-framing how I see some of these issues. It really helped me re-center that the boundary difficulties I have and the people pleasing I tend towards is my responsibility to address so that I can really love the people around me from a healthy place.







Potential spoilers in the content review below:







Content:
•Profanity sprinkled throughout
•Very vague mentions/discussions of sexual relationships
•Discussion about affairs
•Use of the words/implication of rape/SA (nothing descriptive at all, just discussed in terms of boundaries with abusers)
•Mentions and discussion of domestic violence/violence/abuse in general
•Very brief mention of CSA/CSAM in the context of having boundaries around that for who is allowed around children/in home etc.

[Jacqui Goldstein-Hartwich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Let’s start with I was gifted this book as an advanced reader copy. I am also a licensed marriage and family therapist. I thought this book was wonderful and the material was easy to to understand. I can’t wait to recommend this book to so many of my clients who I think will be able to very quickly absorb the information and support our work in therapy. This book is a beautiful love letter to the relational work that I love so much. thank you to KC and the team at Simon & Schuster for the early copy! I have already recommended this to colleagues to preorder!

[Poppy · Rating 5 out of 5]

the deeper I know myself the happier I become

[Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

I heard about KC Davis on a podcast, and it felt like she just ‘got’ me… leading me to purchase her first book, How to Keep House While Drowning, which I chose as an audiobook so I could revisit her advice whenever needed.

When I learned she was releasing a new book, Who Deserves Your Love, I was soooooo excited! I was fortunate to receive an early release copy through NetGalley, and I eagerly anticipate purchasing the audiobook upon its release.

This book is a valuable resource for anyone navigating relationships. This book offers practical tips, reflection questions, end-of-chapter recaps, and, most notably, a relationship decision tree to aid in making informed choices. The material is presented in an easy-to-understand manner, making it accessible to all readers.

Who Deserves Your Love is a wonderful guide for assessing how much of ourselves to invest in relationships and recognizing when it might be time to step back.

Thank you to NetGalley & Simon Element

[Kate K · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book about relationships that isn’t scared of wading into complex, thorny relationships. This book is a great guide to gaining awareness of what you need from your relationships - and avoids misappropriating therapy terms!

At only 221 pages this book moves through topics quickly and in simple terms - I think it will be accessible to a wide audience of readers. I would have liked some more details/depth on certain topics (especially around boundaries) but I think that would have added length, and in turn sacrificed some of the accessibility. There is no needless repetition of topics in this book, which is rare for the genre.

Highly recommend.

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

*Hardback

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️✨✨ (4.5/5)

“Everyone deserves love, but no one is entitled to yours.“

“Everyone needs a friend who shows up with margaritas (but maybe don’t ask them for relationship advice).”

“Understandable behavior and acceptable behavior are not the same thing.“

“You don’t have to be bad to be wrong (for each other).”

Thank you to Simon Element from my #gifted copy of this awesome #SelfImprovementBook. I was flipping through some of my recent book mail to decide which book I was going to read next because I like to have one self help book in the rotation when I’m reading. This one stuck out to me because of the formatting. I really like how the book was put together. It grabbed my interest right away and I dove right in.

This book breaks down topics such as abuse, sensitivities, regulation, stabilization (vagus nerve, breathing, etc), decision tree, bids

It gives examples of arguments that people have in relationships and addresses why each party might react a certain way. Then breaks it down step by step.

This book is cool because while not all of it may apply to you, some of it most likely will.

There are so many things both bit and small in this one that we can work on to lead happier lives.

Bonus = the cute illustrations.

I really enjoyed this book and it was a super quick read. Highly recommend.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Boundaries. KC Davis spends about three-quarters of the book ensuring the reader understands boundaries and all their nuances. The only reason I didn't give it a 5-star rating was that, in my opinion, she didn't spend enough time on how boundaries affect people-pleasers. I am a self-declared people-pleaser, and with KC's boundary definition, I can understand some of the mistakes I have been making as a people-pleaser.

Her decision tree offers me something concrete to run situations through to help see how my boundaries affect my decisions. I loved her first book, How to Keep House While Drowning, and this one did not disappoint me. The way she creates her "chapters" is succinct and easy to comprehend. Meaning, it doesn't give a ton of psychology, but enough, and it is presented in a way that is easy to understand.

I love her illustrations throughout the book to provide a visual for what she is trying to get across to the reader. I would recommend this book to anybody in any kind of relationship as a means to awareness of the boundaries you already have in your head, and how they may be helping or hurting you in your efforts to build a connection.

[Faith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this up cause How to Keep a House While Drowning literally changed how I lived overnight but this didn’t have the same effect.

All the information is valuable and the accompanied analogies, flow charts, and examples make it crystal clear but being amidst my people-pleasing recovery, I was already aware of how to practise self-regulation and assessments on the quality of my relationships.

This would be a great read for someone who has a specific relationship they are uncertain in pursuing as they’d be able to insert those experiences into the prompts and exercises but once again, I am not of that demographic (✊🔛🪵 ) and ended up skimming most of those scenarios.

[Ariel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very helpful book that I wish had been around for me various times in my life. She does a great job of exploring the complexity of relationships and how one answer for one person might be wrong for another. She never tells you what to do, just teaches you how to make decisions in the future.

“Disengaging is not saying that the other person is unworthy or doesn’t deserve love. It is simply saying that supporting their well-being will come at the cost of your own. You do in fact deserve better treatment that is in line with your value system.”

I have learned that there are just certain people with whom I will never be in a successful relationship. For example, you may have a big heart and a very cool personality, but if you have a tendency to get loud and angry when you are in conflict I will never choose to get close to you because of my own sensitivities surrounding my father who was often angry in my childhood, and often got loud and angry in our own conflicts. It hurts too bad it overwhelms my ability to cope too much.”

[Kimberly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you Goodreads and Simon & Schuster for the copy of this book!

This book was really well done. It was thought provoking and contained a lot of good, solid information that was laid out in an accessible way. I think most everyone would be able to glean something useful from it. I would have liked more scientific information sprinkled throughout, but I know that is more of a personal preference than a matter of necessity for a book like this.

[LyndenTree63 · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lot of great information packed into a short amount of space. No fluff, gets straight to the point. Probably the highest amount of helpful relationship advice per page that I've read in any relationship or self-help book.

With that said, some of it might feel too sparse or not deep enough for people, this is definitely more of an entry-level book than something that goes in-depth. But it's accessible and that's the point. Would recommend this widely.

[Jordan · Rating 4 out of 5]

KC Davis has such a refreshing voice that communicates much-needed messages in a clear, palatable way. I have already recommended this book to clients and loved ones. I particularly love the second half of the book.

Therapists, you know this stuff, but this is a great reminder and potential resource for the clients you work with!

KC is 2 for 2 in my book. Excited to read what she writes next!

[Ronda Kelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me by my therapist and WOW! is it eye-opening. I love the charts & various activities listed throughout to help you engage & absorb the information presented. I think this will really help me work through & make tough decisions with some difficult relationships in my life, while also helping me to learn where I need to grow & how to help myself heal.

[Kelly (kellyreadingbooks) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved How to Keep House While Drowning. That book felt like a breath of fresh air and a topic not frequently covered. This feels a bit of the opposite of what that one was. At times, I felt the author was trying to reinvent thought processes that don’t require reinvention? I also thought it was written incredibly disjointed. I much prefer Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawwab.

[Sarah Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny and heartfelt. More concrete advice and perspectives than “abstract” ideas. I liked the different types of examples for different types of relationships. I’m glad KC is an influencer. She seems like good people

[Catherine Boucher · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is a lot of great advice here, but I can’t get on board with the author’s view of forgiveness that she shared at the closing section on forgiveness and abuse. She seems to conflate forgiveness with reconciliation, and that difference is huge when it comes to abuse.

[Jennifer Perna · Rating 5 out of 5]

a great book with good guidance on how to consider your role in all of your relationships --romantic, family, and friends. and it's much more nuanced than bad relationship= end of immediately.