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How to Date Authentically: End the Dating "Game" and Find Lasting Love
Discover the dating book that finally goes deep enough to transform your results.
Dating today can feel like a strange game you never agreed to play. One moment you feel hopeful, and the next you're staring at your phone, over analyzing, and wondering what went wrong. You keep meeting people, but something about the whole experience feels off, shallow, or exhausting.
What if the real issue isn't who you're dating, or even your technique, but something deeper?
In How to Date Authentically, Sam Whitney offers a simple but powerful most of us are dating with the wrong goal in mind. We're trying to be "right" about love instead of learning how to be genuinely happy in it. Once you understand that shift, everything changes.
Through honest stories, clear examples, and short, practical chapters, this book will help
Identify the hidden mindset that quietly sabotages your relationshipsStop treating dating like shopping and start seeing real people againLet go of the fear of "settling" so you can make calmer, wiser choicesKnow what to look for in a great relationship, not just a great date
This book is for you
You want to feel seen and valued, not evaluated or gradedYou're willing to look at yourself with honesty and hopeYou want to stop overthinking every text and start enjoying dating againYou care more about a great relationship than a perfect dating "story"
If you're ready to end the dating game, see people more clearly, and build love on a stronger foundation, this book will show you how to start.
Choose now to end the dating game and find lasting love.
Dating today can feel like a strange game you never agreed to play. One moment you feel hopeful, and the next you're staring at your phone, over analyzing, and wondering what went wrong. You keep meeting people, but something about the whole experience feels off, shallow, or exhausting.
What if the real issue isn't who you're dating, or even your technique, but something deeper?
In How to Date Authentically, Sam Whitney offers a simple but powerful most of us are dating with the wrong goal in mind. We're trying to be "right" about love instead of learning how to be genuinely happy in it. Once you understand that shift, everything changes.
Through honest stories, clear examples, and short, practical chapters, this book will help
Identify the hidden mindset that quietly sabotages your relationshipsStop treating dating like shopping and start seeing real people againLet go of the fear of "settling" so you can make calmer, wiser choicesKnow what to look for in a great relationship, not just a great date
This book is for you
You want to feel seen and valued, not evaluated or gradedYou're willing to look at yourself with honesty and hopeYou want to stop overthinking every text and start enjoying dating againYou care more about a great relationship than a perfect dating "story"
If you're ready to end the dating game, see people more clearly, and build love on a stronger foundation, this book will show you how to start.
Choose now to end the dating game and find lasting love.
Kindle Edition
Published September 24, 2024
3 people are currently reading
17 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
September 25, 2024
Do you want to be RIGHT, or do you want to be HAPPY?
In his book, Sam Whitney explains the differences between striving to be "right" and striving to be "happy" when it comes to dating. The world of "right" focuses on superficiality and self-centered expectations while the world of "happy" focuses on meaningful connections and true empathy.
Sam explains these antithetical approaches to relationships in a clear, organized, thought-provoking way. I especially enjoyed reading his personal anecdotes; they are relatable and refreshingly honest, and they do a good job illustrating the points he makes. The book also includes a self-reflective exercise which really did help me change the way I see and appreciate the people around me. Ultimately, after reading this book, I feel inspired to strengthen my relationships--and I know how, too! It was a fun, enlightening read for me and I'd definitely recommend it to anyone looking for lasting love.
"Consider this incredibly simple truth: [each person] has a life that is just as full, crazy, complex, mysterious, quirky, embarrassing, and important as your own."
In his book, Sam Whitney explains the differences between striving to be "right" and striving to be "happy" when it comes to dating. The world of "right" focuses on superficiality and self-centered expectations while the world of "happy" focuses on meaningful connections and true empathy.
Sam explains these antithetical approaches to relationships in a clear, organized, thought-provoking way. I especially enjoyed reading his personal anecdotes; they are relatable and refreshingly honest, and they do a good job illustrating the points he makes. The book also includes a self-reflective exercise which really did help me change the way I see and appreciate the people around me. Ultimately, after reading this book, I feel inspired to strengthen my relationships--and I know how, too! It was a fun, enlightening read for me and I'd definitely recommend it to anyone looking for lasting love.
"Consider this incredibly simple truth: [each person] has a life that is just as full, crazy, complex, mysterious, quirky, embarrassing, and important as your own."
September 25, 2024
How to Date Authentically was such an honest, insightful, and relatable book. Not to mention captivating! Who doesn’t love a good date story?
The goal of striving to be “happy” in our relationships is not necessarily a new idea, but it is so well constructed in this book—especially the path to getting there! Contrasted to the idea of being “right” in our relationships really makes the point that an outward focus (a selfless focus) in relationships is vital and the key to long-lasting, happy relationships. There were some great and relatable stories told. Some even had me thinking to myself, “I’ve definitely been guilty of that before” and “yep, that has definitely happened to me before on a date.”
I found myself having an inner dialogue with myself while reading this book. Asking myself questions and thinking back to past experiences that maybe did or didn’t align with the principles taught in this book. I am currently in the dating scene, so many of my thoughts revolved around my personal dating life while reading it. However, the principles of choosing to be right or happy in our relationships are universal.
After reading this book, I set some goals about how I interact with the people around me and made sure to write them out. I’m feeling very motivated after this read! Easy 5 stars :)
The goal of striving to be “happy” in our relationships is not necessarily a new idea, but it is so well constructed in this book—especially the path to getting there! Contrasted to the idea of being “right” in our relationships really makes the point that an outward focus (a selfless focus) in relationships is vital and the key to long-lasting, happy relationships. There were some great and relatable stories told. Some even had me thinking to myself, “I’ve definitely been guilty of that before” and “yep, that has definitely happened to me before on a date.”
I found myself having an inner dialogue with myself while reading this book. Asking myself questions and thinking back to past experiences that maybe did or didn’t align with the principles taught in this book. I am currently in the dating scene, so many of my thoughts revolved around my personal dating life while reading it. However, the principles of choosing to be right or happy in our relationships are universal.
After reading this book, I set some goals about how I interact with the people around me and made sure to write them out. I’m feeling very motivated after this read! Easy 5 stars :)
June 12, 2025
I found this book to be a helpful, simple, modern take on a key element to healthy dating. The main question is: is your goal to be right, or is your goal to be happy?
Sam Whitney's book How to Date Authentically really challenged me to see things differently and helped me examine my conscience about how I was going about dating and change my goals and behaviors. I look forward to ending the dating game in my life and finding my future spouse!
The World of Right (Pitfalls to avoid):
1. We tell a particular story
2. Our ficus becomes superficial
3. We alienate the people we are trying to attract
Are you seeking to make the other person fit the narrative you have in your mind about what your life together could look like? Are you seeking the validation of others, wanting them to look at you with someone else and think something about you when looking at superficial qualities? Are you alienating others for your own selfish goals (and if so how would you feel if you were on the receiving end of that)?
The World of Happy (Attitudes and actions to do):
Step 1: Consider other People - See the truth about them
Are you open to connecting with someone and getting to know them for who they are as they are? Are you open to and graceful toward another person's reality, which includes their imperfections and their amiable qualities and strengths? Are you open to accepting that the person you are dating has a life just as full, crazy, complex, mysterious, quickly, embarrassing, and important as your own?
Step 2: Be Curious - truly listen and learn
Are you willing to be genuinely curious about another person (instead of trying to impress them)? Do I have the goal of being present to and listening to them and embarking on the adventure of discovering who they are, what makes them tick? Am I afraid of listening because of my fear of of being hurt again, and if so what will it take for me to overcome that fear and be open and ready to connect? Am I forgoing my need to talk about myself, and allowing someone else to be curious about me in response to me being curious about them? Am I committed to asking someone "tell me more about that" or "why does that matter to you?"
Step 3: Be Helpful by Being Straightforward
After taking time to consider the reality of the other person and learn about them by being curious, do I see whether they are someone who I want to pursue, just be friends with, or break off the connection with? Am I willing to have the courage to tell the truth about my feelings and swt the stage for a connection to either form or dissipate, so as to reduce confusion, save time, and intentionally move in the appropriate direction? Am I avoiding trying to get someone to like me? Am I fostering a charitable environment of open communication in which love can blossom? If I were being helpful and committed to happiness for myself and this person, what would I need to do (then go do it!)?
Some Key Indicators for Healthy Relationships:
1. Mutual Admiration
2. Common Values
3. Trust
4. Fun
5. (Relationship) Work Ethic
Sam Whitney's book How to Date Authentically really challenged me to see things differently and helped me examine my conscience about how I was going about dating and change my goals and behaviors. I look forward to ending the dating game in my life and finding my future spouse!
The World of Right (Pitfalls to avoid):
1. We tell a particular story
2. Our ficus becomes superficial
3. We alienate the people we are trying to attract
Are you seeking to make the other person fit the narrative you have in your mind about what your life together could look like? Are you seeking the validation of others, wanting them to look at you with someone else and think something about you when looking at superficial qualities? Are you alienating others for your own selfish goals (and if so how would you feel if you were on the receiving end of that)?
The World of Happy (Attitudes and actions to do):
Step 1: Consider other People - See the truth about them
Are you open to connecting with someone and getting to know them for who they are as they are? Are you open to and graceful toward another person's reality, which includes their imperfections and their amiable qualities and strengths? Are you open to accepting that the person you are dating has a life just as full, crazy, complex, mysterious, quickly, embarrassing, and important as your own?
Step 2: Be Curious - truly listen and learn
Are you willing to be genuinely curious about another person (instead of trying to impress them)? Do I have the goal of being present to and listening to them and embarking on the adventure of discovering who they are, what makes them tick? Am I afraid of listening because of my fear of of being hurt again, and if so what will it take for me to overcome that fear and be open and ready to connect? Am I forgoing my need to talk about myself, and allowing someone else to be curious about me in response to me being curious about them? Am I committed to asking someone "tell me more about that" or "why does that matter to you?"
Step 3: Be Helpful by Being Straightforward
After taking time to consider the reality of the other person and learn about them by being curious, do I see whether they are someone who I want to pursue, just be friends with, or break off the connection with? Am I willing to have the courage to tell the truth about my feelings and swt the stage for a connection to either form or dissipate, so as to reduce confusion, save time, and intentionally move in the appropriate direction? Am I avoiding trying to get someone to like me? Am I fostering a charitable environment of open communication in which love can blossom? If I were being helpful and committed to happiness for myself and this person, what would I need to do (then go do it!)?
Some Key Indicators for Healthy Relationships:
1. Mutual Admiration
2. Common Values
3. Trust
4. Fun
5. (Relationship) Work Ethic
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 27, 2024
This book is amazing for anyone looking to build happy relationships. I learned so much about the right way to go about seeking genuine connection with my spouse, family, and friends. The book is well organized, and gives very clear and fun stories and examples to illustrate the main points. I would recommend this book to anyone who is looking to find love, make new friends, or improve the relationships in their life!
September 24, 2024
This book is for all walks of human relationships. It changed the way I saw dating and not only helped my marriage, but helped my friendships, co-workers interactions with all people. Incredible.
October 16, 2025
literally so good
November 16, 2025
Solid book. It's focus is on dating, but the principles can (and should) be used in all types of relationships and just generally in life.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews