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Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship
Sensible and practical, Who Deserves Your Love brings the authoritative yet gentle approach that made How to Keep House While Drowning a perennial bestseller, to the universal desire for healthy and workable relationships, whether romantic, familial, or platonic.
Is love conditional? How do you navigate a relationship where someone’s best efforts are hurting you? When should you step away? These are some of the questions therapists and TikTok sensation KC Davis explores in Who Deserves Your Love. In writing that is both plainspoken and powerful, she explains how vulnerability, trauma, and personal history can be both the cause of and the solution to relationship struggles.
KC offers explicit tools, including a priceless Decision Tree, to help you distinguish mistreatment from abuse, define your own values, and emotionally regulate in difficult situations. Her guidance will guide you to determine who deserves your time and love and who may not. With radical honesty, she covers key topics foundational to designing expansive and protective boundaries and making relationship decisions. Key topics
-Why conflict is intimacy
-Why the backbone to any relationship is the small moments
-How to get healthy around your vulnerabilities—and how to avoid the trap of the “vulnerability cycle”
-How to establish basic standards in a relationship
-When to make value-based decisions in a relationship
Who Deserves Your Love is practical and compassionate, written in short bursts of clarity and filled with visual tools such as lists and diagrams, as well as KC’s powerful “morally neutral” approach. The writing style is suited for those with ADHD, depression, or anyone who appreciates expertise without being overwhelmed by lengthy descriptions.
Is love conditional? How do you navigate a relationship where someone’s best efforts are hurting you? When should you step away? These are some of the questions therapists and TikTok sensation KC Davis explores in Who Deserves Your Love. In writing that is both plainspoken and powerful, she explains how vulnerability, trauma, and personal history can be both the cause of and the solution to relationship struggles.
KC offers explicit tools, including a priceless Decision Tree, to help you distinguish mistreatment from abuse, define your own values, and emotionally regulate in difficult situations. Her guidance will guide you to determine who deserves your time and love and who may not. With radical honesty, she covers key topics foundational to designing expansive and protective boundaries and making relationship decisions. Key topics
-Why conflict is intimacy
-Why the backbone to any relationship is the small moments
-How to get healthy around your vulnerabilities—and how to avoid the trap of the “vulnerability cycle”
-How to establish basic standards in a relationship
-When to make value-based decisions in a relationship
Who Deserves Your Love is practical and compassionate, written in short bursts of clarity and filled with visual tools such as lists and diagrams, as well as KC’s powerful “morally neutral” approach. The writing style is suited for those with ADHD, depression, or anyone who appreciates expertise without being overwhelmed by lengthy descriptions.
240 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 6, 2025
553 people are currently reading
8001 people want to read
About the author
K.C. Davis
3 books609 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 219 reviews
May 23, 2025
In a world of adages like “you don’t owe anyone anything” and co-opted “therapy speak,” this book is a breath of fresh air. As a therapist, I dislike the vast majority of self help books because they apply their concepts unilaterally and fail to consider different contexts (I refuse to read “The Let Them Theory” for this reason). KC Davis does a great job discussing the complexity of relationships in a clear and concise manner. Her advice is practical and compassionate. I am so glad that she wrote this.
February 25, 2025
*I received this as an arc from NetGalley in exchange for a review*
As a fan of the author on TikTok, I was so excited to dive into this book.
It’s an intricate and practical look at relationships, community aligning your actions with your values, what we owe to ourselves, each other, and more.
It’s also an excellent reminder that the pros of practicing vulnerability and boundaries is often on the other side of discomfort. And you have to learn to regulate in the face of that discomfort!
The concepts are not reinventing the wheel BUT:
1) The author’s explicit purpose is to help those without access to this type of information and
2) This book is so refreshing in the midst of a billion terrible pop-psychology books / psychological Dave Ramsey’s.
The writing is so compelling - you can hear the authors voice in every page. It’s extremely easy to understand and digest. I read it in one evening! Amazing read - highly recommend.
As a fan of the author on TikTok, I was so excited to dive into this book.
It’s an intricate and practical look at relationships, community aligning your actions with your values, what we owe to ourselves, each other, and more.
It’s also an excellent reminder that the pros of practicing vulnerability and boundaries is often on the other side of discomfort. And you have to learn to regulate in the face of that discomfort!
The concepts are not reinventing the wheel BUT:
1) The author’s explicit purpose is to help those without access to this type of information and
2) This book is so refreshing in the midst of a billion terrible pop-psychology books / psychological Dave Ramsey’s.
The writing is so compelling - you can hear the authors voice in every page. It’s extremely easy to understand and digest. I read it in one evening! Amazing read - highly recommend.
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January 4, 2026this is good content, i just didn't resonate with it as much as i would if i were in a toxic relationship (college cindy would've eaten this up). personally enjoyed her previous book more!
August 15, 2025
KC Davis has done it again you guys ❤️
A simple, short, but deeply healing nonfiction to read about boundaries (creating them, keeping them) and who deserves your love. You know how some people like to say, “You don’t owe anyone anything! You do you!”…etc.? Well, KC doesn’t agree with that, and neither do I. KC believes that we do owe other human beings the bare minimum, depending on your relationship with the other person in question. We do not owe abusers anything, of course, but there is a general level of respect that needs to be shared in relationships of any kind.
This is such a helpful read. KC is a licensed practical counselor and teaches with compassion. Learning about the vulnerability cycle, emotional regulation, responsibility, boundaries, overfunctioning, control… wow. I felt so seen.
The audiobook is narrated by the author and I highly recommend it. I also highly recommend her other book (How to Keep House While Drowning) - it was life-changing for me. I listened to this on audio but KC is always mentioning the website you can refer to for the graphics that are in the novel (strugglecare.com/deserve). I already want to buy a physical copy so I can annotate and really put these things into practice.
A simple, short, but deeply healing nonfiction to read about boundaries (creating them, keeping them) and who deserves your love. You know how some people like to say, “You don’t owe anyone anything! You do you!”…etc.? Well, KC doesn’t agree with that, and neither do I. KC believes that we do owe other human beings the bare minimum, depending on your relationship with the other person in question. We do not owe abusers anything, of course, but there is a general level of respect that needs to be shared in relationships of any kind.
This is such a helpful read. KC is a licensed practical counselor and teaches with compassion. Learning about the vulnerability cycle, emotional regulation, responsibility, boundaries, overfunctioning, control… wow. I felt so seen.
The audiobook is narrated by the author and I highly recommend it. I also highly recommend her other book (How to Keep House While Drowning) - it was life-changing for me. I listened to this on audio but KC is always mentioning the website you can refer to for the graphics that are in the novel (strugglecare.com/deserve). I already want to buy a physical copy so I can annotate and really put these things into practice.
May 13, 2025
4.5 stars rounded up. I will be referring back to this book for years to come. Helpful and clear and informative while be understanding and realizing relationships are complex and multifaceted.
November 22, 2025
Gosh, this was a hard read.
June 8, 2025
A book about relationships that isn’t scared of wading into complex, thorny relationships. This book is a great guide to gaining awareness of what you need from your relationships - and avoids misappropriating therapy terms!
At only 221 pages this book moves through topics quickly and in simple terms - I think it will be accessible to a wide audience of readers. I would have liked some more details/depth on certain topics (especially around boundaries) but I think that would have added length, and in turn sacrificed some of the accessibility. There is no needless repetition of topics in this book, which is rare for the genre.
Highly recommend.
At only 221 pages this book moves through topics quickly and in simple terms - I think it will be accessible to a wide audience of readers. I would have liked some more details/depth on certain topics (especially around boundaries) but I think that would have added length, and in turn sacrificed some of the accessibility. There is no needless repetition of topics in this book, which is rare for the genre.
Highly recommend.
August 1, 2025
this is a really useful book, and I can't highly enough recommend the audiobook read by the author. there were several concepts I had heard of before but came to deeply understand while listening to this book, and it is helping me to take positive action in my life.
I really appreciate the clear language and the style it's presented in.
I really appreciate the clear language and the style it's presented in.
May 26, 2025
4.5 Davis has so much compassion that bleeds through her carefully chosen words while also acknowledging nuances and accessibility. Written by a neurodivergent for neurodivergents.
November 26, 2025
better than most therapy books i have read. theres actually a lot of good take aways from this and some
practices that i think are good. really helps clear up confusion about pop psychology terms like boundaries.
practices that i think are good. really helps clear up confusion about pop psychology terms like boundaries.
August 21, 2025
So many helpful real life examples of healthy and unhealthy relationships! It’s a modern take with a gentle and straightforward approach.
December 16, 2025
This book is just so good. I honestly need more books like this in my life. It's clear, practical, and actually helpful, not just full of pretty words. I like how this book talks about love, boundaries, and relationships in a way that feels honest and realistic and also fun.
June 15, 2025
Loved how straight-talking this was. Super realistic and useful tools for understanding and framing relationships in your life.
July 17, 2025
Loved this book so much. With working in mental health, the content wasn’t brand new, but KC Davis truly has a gift with making her writing so accessible and digestible. Can’t recommend enough!
July 26, 2025
4 ⭐️
From the author of “How to Keep House While Drowning” comes “Who Deserves Your Love,” and I found myself learning a lot about myself and the work I must continue to do in my own life as I read this book.
I want to start off by saying this book is not for everyone in the same way that “How to Keep House While Drowning” is not for everyone (In many ways I feel that you will know if this is or is not for you just from the title haha). I don’t agree with this author on everything she believes or writes, but I still find that her books help me in ways other books on these topics haven’t helped me. She uses profanity in her books, and resolves certain situations in her books in ways I would not. Nevertheless I personally feel that I don’t have to agree with an author on everything to learn from them, and I have learned quite a few helpful tips from this author.
This author is very intentional about making her writing accessible to all types of readers (and I really appreciate this fact). Her discussion of boundaries and the fact that boundaries are about you and not the person you are setting them with (and the internal work that is critical to real/healthy boundary setting) was very helpful and informative to me. Her discussion of people pleasing and framing it as a way that we use external validation from others as a form of emotional regulation really resonated with me. I still have a long way to go in becoming as well regulated as I hope to one day be, but this book was very helpful for me in re-framing how I see some of these issues. It really helped me re-center that the boundary difficulties I have and the people pleasing I tend towards is my responsibility to address so that I can really love the people around me from a healthy place.
Potential spoilers in the content review below:
Content:
•Profanity sprinkled throughout
•Very vague mentions/discussions of sexual relationships
•Discussion about affairs
•Use of the words/implication of rape/SA (nothing descriptive at all, just discussed in terms of boundaries with abusers)
•Mentions and discussion of domestic violence/violence/abuse in general
•Very brief mention of CSA/CSAM in the context of having boundaries around that for who is allowed around children/in home etc.
From the author of “How to Keep House While Drowning” comes “Who Deserves Your Love,” and I found myself learning a lot about myself and the work I must continue to do in my own life as I read this book.
I want to start off by saying this book is not for everyone in the same way that “How to Keep House While Drowning” is not for everyone (In many ways I feel that you will know if this is or is not for you just from the title haha). I don’t agree with this author on everything she believes or writes, but I still find that her books help me in ways other books on these topics haven’t helped me. She uses profanity in her books, and resolves certain situations in her books in ways I would not. Nevertheless I personally feel that I don’t have to agree with an author on everything to learn from them, and I have learned quite a few helpful tips from this author.
This author is very intentional about making her writing accessible to all types of readers (and I really appreciate this fact). Her discussion of boundaries and the fact that boundaries are about you and not the person you are setting them with (and the internal work that is critical to real/healthy boundary setting) was very helpful and informative to me. Her discussion of people pleasing and framing it as a way that we use external validation from others as a form of emotional regulation really resonated with me. I still have a long way to go in becoming as well regulated as I hope to one day be, but this book was very helpful for me in re-framing how I see some of these issues. It really helped me re-center that the boundary difficulties I have and the people pleasing I tend towards is my responsibility to address so that I can really love the people around me from a healthy place.
Potential spoilers in the content review below:
Content:
•Profanity sprinkled throughout
•Very vague mentions/discussions of sexual relationships
•Discussion about affairs
•Use of the words/implication of rape/SA (nothing descriptive at all, just discussed in terms of boundaries with abusers)
•Mentions and discussion of domestic violence/violence/abuse in general
•Very brief mention of CSA/CSAM in the context of having boundaries around that for who is allowed around children/in home etc.
April 4, 2025
Let’s start with I was gifted this book as an advanced reader copy. I am also a licensed marriage and family therapist. I thought this book was wonderful and the material was easy to to understand. I can’t wait to recommend this book to so many of my clients who I think will be able to very quickly absorb the information and support our work in therapy. This book is a beautiful love letter to the relational work that I love so much. thank you to KC and the team at Simon & Schuster for the early copy! I have already recommended this to colleagues to preorder!
June 22, 2025
the deeper I know myself the happier I become
April 12, 2025
I heard about KC Davis on a podcast, and it felt like she just ‘got’ me… leading me to purchase her first book, How to Keep House While Drowning, which I chose as an audiobook so I could revisit her advice whenever needed.
When I learned she was releasing a new book, Who Deserves Your Love, I was soooooo excited! I was fortunate to receive an early release copy through NetGalley, and I eagerly anticipate purchasing the audiobook upon its release.
This book is a valuable resource for anyone navigating relationships. This book offers practical tips, reflection questions, end-of-chapter recaps, and, most notably, a relationship decision tree to aid in making informed choices. The material is presented in an easy-to-understand manner, making it accessible to all readers.
Who Deserves Your Love is a wonderful guide for assessing how much of ourselves to invest in relationships and recognizing when it might be time to step back.
Thank you to NetGalley & Simon Element
When I learned she was releasing a new book, Who Deserves Your Love, I was soooooo excited! I was fortunate to receive an early release copy through NetGalley, and I eagerly anticipate purchasing the audiobook upon its release.
This book is a valuable resource for anyone navigating relationships. This book offers practical tips, reflection questions, end-of-chapter recaps, and, most notably, a relationship decision tree to aid in making informed choices. The material is presented in an easy-to-understand manner, making it accessible to all readers.
Who Deserves Your Love is a wonderful guide for assessing how much of ourselves to invest in relationships and recognizing when it might be time to step back.
Thank you to NetGalley & Simon Element
June 13, 2025
I have mixed feelings on this one. While I completely agree with her that, all too often, self-help books are too black and white. Sometimes I fear her nuance starts to trail into what I think would easily be seen as reasons to stay in a situation that isn't serving your best interest.
If I had read this ten years ago, I would have come away with some good information, but still allowing certain people to infringe on my mind in ways I've learned isn't something I have to do, or even often that I should allow.
It's always tricky with these things, though, because exactly the things that would have not made it a good book for the beginning of my journey, might have made it perfect for someone else. who knows.
I'd say if you're a trigger happy avoider, this might be nuance you need. If you are feeling trapped and in a cycle feeling bad in a relationship, and need clarity on why it feels bad, as well as on how to disengage a little, or a lot, maybe not the first book you pick up.
If I had read this ten years ago, I would have come away with some good information, but still allowing certain people to infringe on my mind in ways I've learned isn't something I have to do, or even often that I should allow.
It's always tricky with these things, though, because exactly the things that would have not made it a good book for the beginning of my journey, might have made it perfect for someone else. who knows.
I'd say if you're a trigger happy avoider, this might be nuance you need. If you are feeling trapped and in a cycle feeling bad in a relationship, and need clarity on why it feels bad, as well as on how to disengage a little, or a lot, maybe not the first book you pick up.
September 9, 2025
I didn’t like this book as much as HTKHWD; I think the 2nd half was what I was hoping for the entirety of the book. I do think the information is helpful for many, I just wish there was more focus on non-romantic relationships.
January 12, 2026
3.5? Trying to go back to all the books on my currently reading shelf I haven't reviewed so my Year in Review is accurate. :)
I liked Davis's How to Keep House While Drowning, in part because it recognized that not all people bring the same ability, energy, capability, to housekeeping. In this book, she brings that same nuance to relationships. Boundaries are a big topic, but they are often misunderstood as something we impose on others. Davis really centers the individual and their needs but also responsibilities in each case.
One thing I liked about this book was how it recognized that in the world of "Let Them" that is looking only at what you owe or can control yourself, the author also recognizes that we DO sometimes have responsibilities to others, and that there is a spectrum that those responsibilities fall within. Relationship expectations--and responsibilities--look different whether it's a stranger, a neighbor, a sibling, or a spouse. Davis also doesn't sidestep our responsibilities toward ourselves, and our need to also make sure we are meeting our own needs in a relationship. There is a lot of good stuff around people-pleasing.
For me, one of the best parts of this book were examples of patterns and relationship dynamics that exist when one person's personal trigger results in catastropic meaning making that results in a behavior that triggers the other person leading to their own meaning making and behaviors that keeps unhealthy cycles going. She also gives some ways to slow down and disrupt these cycles.
There is a lot of time devoted with a flow chart about disengaging from relationships as necessary that I'm sure would be more useful to others, but not particularly relevant for me.
I liked Davis's How to Keep House While Drowning, in part because it recognized that not all people bring the same ability, energy, capability, to housekeeping. In this book, she brings that same nuance to relationships. Boundaries are a big topic, but they are often misunderstood as something we impose on others. Davis really centers the individual and their needs but also responsibilities in each case.
One thing I liked about this book was how it recognized that in the world of "Let Them" that is looking only at what you owe or can control yourself, the author also recognizes that we DO sometimes have responsibilities to others, and that there is a spectrum that those responsibilities fall within. Relationship expectations--and responsibilities--look different whether it's a stranger, a neighbor, a sibling, or a spouse. Davis also doesn't sidestep our responsibilities toward ourselves, and our need to also make sure we are meeting our own needs in a relationship. There is a lot of good stuff around people-pleasing.
For me, one of the best parts of this book were examples of patterns and relationship dynamics that exist when one person's personal trigger results in catastropic meaning making that results in a behavior that triggers the other person leading to their own meaning making and behaviors that keeps unhealthy cycles going. She also gives some ways to slow down and disrupt these cycles.
There is a lot of time devoted with a flow chart about disengaging from relationships as necessary that I'm sure would be more useful to others, but not particularly relevant for me.
August 19, 2025
*Hardback
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️✨✨ (4.5/5)
“Everyone deserves love, but no one is entitled to yours.“
“Everyone needs a friend who shows up with margaritas (but maybe don’t ask them for relationship advice).”
“Understandable behavior and acceptable behavior are not the same thing.“
“You don’t have to be bad to be wrong (for each other).”
Thank you to Simon Element from my #gifted copy of this awesome #SelfImprovementBook. I was flipping through some of my recent book mail to decide which book I was going to read next because I like to have one self help book in the rotation when I’m reading. This one stuck out to me because of the formatting. I really like how the book was put together. It grabbed my interest right away and I dove right in.
This book breaks down topics such as abuse, sensitivities, regulation, stabilization (vagus nerve, breathing, etc), decision tree, bids
It gives examples of arguments that people have in relationships and addresses why each party might react a certain way. Then breaks it down step by step.
This book is cool because while not all of it may apply to you, some of it most likely will.
There are so many things both bit and small in this one that we can work on to lead happier lives.
Bonus = the cute illustrations.
I really enjoyed this book and it was a super quick read. Highly recommend.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️✨✨ (4.5/5)
“Everyone deserves love, but no one is entitled to yours.“
“Everyone needs a friend who shows up with margaritas (but maybe don’t ask them for relationship advice).”
“Understandable behavior and acceptable behavior are not the same thing.“
“You don’t have to be bad to be wrong (for each other).”
Thank you to Simon Element from my #gifted copy of this awesome #SelfImprovementBook. I was flipping through some of my recent book mail to decide which book I was going to read next because I like to have one self help book in the rotation when I’m reading. This one stuck out to me because of the formatting. I really like how the book was put together. It grabbed my interest right away and I dove right in.
This book breaks down topics such as abuse, sensitivities, regulation, stabilization (vagus nerve, breathing, etc), decision tree, bids
It gives examples of arguments that people have in relationships and addresses why each party might react a certain way. Then breaks it down step by step.
This book is cool because while not all of it may apply to you, some of it most likely will.
There are so many things both bit and small in this one that we can work on to lead happier lives.
Bonus = the cute illustrations.
I really enjoyed this book and it was a super quick read. Highly recommend.
December 31, 2025
I'm always looking for book recommendations for my clients who want to explore certain things on their own, and when I saw that Davis was coming out with a book on relationships, I knew I had to pick it up. I loved her book, Keeping House While Drowning, and my clients have as well.
I like Davis because she's a therapist, and as a therapist, she understands that nothing is a one-size-fits-all type of scenario. She continues to add this nuance to relationships. I was excited to hear her take on boundaries. I really appreciate the perspective she provided on what a boundary actually is, as I have seen and heard people set "boundaries" that didn't actually come across as boundaries but rather requests, leaving people feeling frustrated with their relationships.
This book gives the reader control of their lives and what they wish to do with their relationship. I appreciate the tools that Davis provides for the reader and think that her flow charts can really help bring the brain and the heart together when it comes to making decisions.
I like Davis because she's a therapist, and as a therapist, she understands that nothing is a one-size-fits-all type of scenario. She continues to add this nuance to relationships. I was excited to hear her take on boundaries. I really appreciate the perspective she provided on what a boundary actually is, as I have seen and heard people set "boundaries" that didn't actually come across as boundaries but rather requests, leaving people feeling frustrated with their relationships.
This book gives the reader control of their lives and what they wish to do with their relationship. I appreciate the tools that Davis provides for the reader and think that her flow charts can really help bring the brain and the heart together when it comes to making decisions.
June 23, 2025
Boundaries. KC Davis spends about three-quarters of the book ensuring the reader understands boundaries and all their nuances. The only reason I didn't give it a 5-star rating was that, in my opinion, she didn't spend enough time on how boundaries affect people-pleasers. I am a self-declared people-pleaser, and with KC's boundary definition, I can understand some of the mistakes I have been making as a people-pleaser.
Her decision tree offers me something concrete to run situations through to help see how my boundaries affect my decisions. I loved her first book, How to Keep House While Drowning, and this one did not disappoint me. The way she creates her "chapters" is succinct and easy to comprehend. Meaning, it doesn't give a ton of psychology, but enough, and it is presented in a way that is easy to understand.
I love her illustrations throughout the book to provide a visual for what she is trying to get across to the reader. I would recommend this book to anybody in any kind of relationship as a means to awareness of the boundaries you already have in your head, and how they may be helping or hurting you in your efforts to build a connection.
Her decision tree offers me something concrete to run situations through to help see how my boundaries affect my decisions. I loved her first book, How to Keep House While Drowning, and this one did not disappoint me. The way she creates her "chapters" is succinct and easy to comprehend. Meaning, it doesn't give a ton of psychology, but enough, and it is presented in a way that is easy to understand.
I love her illustrations throughout the book to provide a visual for what she is trying to get across to the reader. I would recommend this book to anybody in any kind of relationship as a means to awareness of the boundaries you already have in your head, and how they may be helping or hurting you in your efforts to build a connection.
June 11, 2025
I picked this up cause How to Keep a House While Drowning literally changed how I lived overnight but this didn’t have the same effect.
All the information is valuable and the accompanied analogies, flow charts, and examples make it crystal clear but being amidst my people-pleasing recovery, I was already aware of how to practise self-regulation and assessments on the quality of my relationships.
This would be a great read for someone who has a specific relationship they are uncertain in pursuing as they’d be able to insert those experiences into the prompts and exercises but once again, I am not of that demographic (✊🔛🪵 ) and ended up skimming most of those scenarios.
All the information is valuable and the accompanied analogies, flow charts, and examples make it crystal clear but being amidst my people-pleasing recovery, I was already aware of how to practise self-regulation and assessments on the quality of my relationships.
This would be a great read for someone who has a specific relationship they are uncertain in pursuing as they’d be able to insert those experiences into the prompts and exercises but once again, I am not of that demographic (✊🔛🪵 ) and ended up skimming most of those scenarios.
November 4, 2025
This was a very helpful book that I wish had been around for me various times in my life. She does a great job of exploring the complexity of relationships and how one answer for one person might be wrong for another. She never tells you what to do, just teaches you how to make decisions in the future.
“Disengaging is not saying that the other person is unworthy or doesn’t deserve love. It is simply saying that supporting their well-being will come at the cost of your own. You do in fact deserve better treatment that is in line with your value system.”
I have learned that there are just certain people with whom I will never be in a successful relationship. For example, you may have a big heart and a very cool personality, but if you have a tendency to get loud and angry when you are in conflict I will never choose to get close to you because of my own sensitivities surrounding my father who was often angry in my childhood, and often got loud and angry in our own conflicts. It hurts too bad it overwhelms my ability to cope too much.”
“Disengaging is not saying that the other person is unworthy or doesn’t deserve love. It is simply saying that supporting their well-being will come at the cost of your own. You do in fact deserve better treatment that is in line with your value system.”
I have learned that there are just certain people with whom I will never be in a successful relationship. For example, you may have a big heart and a very cool personality, but if you have a tendency to get loud and angry when you are in conflict I will never choose to get close to you because of my own sensitivities surrounding my father who was often angry in my childhood, and often got loud and angry in our own conflicts. It hurts too bad it overwhelms my ability to cope too much.”
January 6, 2026
I was tasked with reading this book for my internship and surprisingly I actually enjoyed it. I think this book is great for when you’re unsure of any relationship you have in your life, but it also helps you understand where you might have sensitivities or issues regarding certain things like being a people pleasure. I have two favorite quotes: “You are not a bad person if you struggle with emotional regulation. The size of your boat is morally neutral. We must steer our boats the best we can.” (p. 67) & “One of the greatest challenges with drawing boundaries is becoming comfortable with being misunderstood.” (p. 184) Overall, a good and quick read.
May 20, 2025
Thank you Goodreads and Simon & Schuster for the copy of this book!
This book was really well done. It was thought provoking and contained a lot of good, solid information that was laid out in an accessible way. I think most everyone would be able to glean something useful from it. I would have liked more scientific information sprinkled throughout, but I know that is more of a personal preference than a matter of necessity for a book like this.
This book was really well done. It was thought provoking and contained a lot of good, solid information that was laid out in an accessible way. I think most everyone would be able to glean something useful from it. I would have liked more scientific information sprinkled throughout, but I know that is more of a personal preference than a matter of necessity for a book like this.
June 5, 2025
A lot of great information packed into a short amount of space. No fluff, gets straight to the point. Probably the highest amount of helpful relationship advice per page that I've read in any relationship or self-help book.
With that said, some of it might feel too sparse or not deep enough for people, this is definitely more of an entry-level book than something that goes in-depth. But it's accessible and that's the point. Would recommend this widely.
With that said, some of it might feel too sparse or not deep enough for people, this is definitely more of an entry-level book than something that goes in-depth. But it's accessible and that's the point. Would recommend this widely.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 219 reviews