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Confident by Choice: The Three Small Decisions That Build Everyday Courage
Build unshakable confidence, break through fear, and live an inspired life with a practical, research-backed framework that transforms small steps into big changes!
What if you could summon genuine confidence anytime you need it?
Being happier, building relationships, overcoming the missing link between you and everything you want to achieve is self-confidence. The problem? Confidence is hard to build, and even when we do, it often feels temporary and forced.
After years of research and working with over 250,000 individuals, Juan Bendaña uncovered the four myths about confidence that actually cause and reinforce self-doubt. Confidence is not linked to genetics, extraversion, insecurities, or competence.
To combat these myths, Juan Bendaña developed the Confidence Cycle, a repeatable flywheel that will help you gain and retain confidence in every aspect of life through three key
Decision #1:
Micro-Energy: Direct excitement toward the area of improvement. Decision #2:
Micro-Courage: Find the bravery to move through discomfort. Decision #3:
Micro-Action: Complete a small action. Micro-Proof & Boost of Receive evidence that you are headed in the right direction, which gives you more confidence, thus continuing the cycle.
This actionable and hands-on guide will jumpstart your confidence and convert micro-steps into major results.
What if you could summon genuine confidence anytime you need it?
Being happier, building relationships, overcoming the missing link between you and everything you want to achieve is self-confidence. The problem? Confidence is hard to build, and even when we do, it often feels temporary and forced.
After years of research and working with over 250,000 individuals, Juan Bendaña uncovered the four myths about confidence that actually cause and reinforce self-doubt. Confidence is not linked to genetics, extraversion, insecurities, or competence.
To combat these myths, Juan Bendaña developed the Confidence Cycle, a repeatable flywheel that will help you gain and retain confidence in every aspect of life through three key
Decision #1:
Micro-Energy: Direct excitement toward the area of improvement. Decision #2:
Micro-Courage: Find the bravery to move through discomfort. Decision #3:
Micro-Action: Complete a small action. Micro-Proof & Boost of Receive evidence that you are headed in the right direction, which gives you more confidence, thus continuing the cycle.
This actionable and hands-on guide will jumpstart your confidence and convert micro-steps into major results.
- GenresNonfiction
240 pages, Hardcover
Published August 5, 2025
14 people are currently reading
107 people want to read
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October 19, 2025"Confident by Choice: The Three Small Decisions That Build Everyday Courage" by Juan Bendaña offers a refreshing, science-backed approach to building self-confidence through consistent, small actions rather than waiting for it to appear spontaneously. Bendaña challenges the traditional notion that confidence is a personality trait bestowed at birth or reserved for extroverts and high achievers. Instead, he frames confidence as a skill - something anyone can practice, strengthen, and sustain through what he calls the Confidence Cycle. The book serves as both an inspirational guide and a practical roadmap, showing how small, repeatable choices can transform fear into action, hesitation into momentum, and uncertainty into self-assuredness.
Bendaña begins by dismantling the myth that confidence is a scorecard measured by external validation. Too often, people tie their self-worth to achievements - landing a promotion, receiving praise, or gaining approval - believing each success adds a point to their 'confidence total.' Yet this system is fragile, collapsing the moment something goes wrong. The author insists that confidence should not depend on outcomes, appearances, or innate talent. Rather, it is an ongoing process - a verb, not a noun. The story of musician Ed Sheeran illustrates this perfectly. As a child, Sheeran struggled with a stutter, a lazy eye, and constant bullying. Through relentless effort - rapping along to Eminem lyrics to train his speech and performing hundreds of small gigs - he built the courage to perform publicly. His journey proves that confidence grows not from perfection but from persistence. Each act of courage, no matter how small, becomes proof that one is capable.
This brings us to the essence of Bendaña’s framework: the Confidence Cycle. It’s a repeatable process built on four key elements - micro-energy, micro-courage, micro-action, and micro-proof. Together, these steps create a self-reinforcing loop of growth. It begins with a spark of excitement or motivation (micro-energy), which leads to a small act of bravery (micro-courage). That courage fuels an initial, manageable step forward (micro-action), which produces evidence of progress (micro-proof). That proof then reinforces belief in oneself, reigniting energy for the next cycle. Over time, the loop strengthens confidence until it becomes an integrated part of one’s identity.
The first element, micro-energy, is all about finding the spark that motivates you to move. Courage can’t exist without energy - it’s the anticipation and excitement that make action possible. To cultivate this spark, Bendaña introduces several strategies. 'Excitement anchors' are small, positive events you intentionally plan throughout your week - activities that you genuinely look forward to, such as meeting a friend, exploring a hobby, or watching a favorite show. These anchors inject joy into your calendar and make life feel purposeful. He also discusses the importance of surrounding yourself with 'chargers' - people who uplift and energize you. Energy is contagious, and your environment plays a powerful role in shaping your mindset.
Another vital form of energy management is 'customized rest.' True rest isn’t simply about doing nothing but rather about doing what restores you. This could be meditation, exercise, art, or even organizing your workspace. Bendaña argues that recovery is essential fuel for courage; without it, energy drains away and self-doubt takes over. Finally, he emphasizes discovering your personal 'why.' A strong purpose turns fear into fuel. The example of Dee, a woman whose dream of buying her parents a home kept her working tirelessly for years, demonstrates how having a meaningful 'why' transforms effort into endurance. Energy, therefore, is not just about enthusiasm - it’s about aligning your actions with what deeply matters to you.
Once energy sparks, the next stage - micro-courage - begins. Courage doesn’t require heroism; it requires willingness. Bendaña encourages readers to reframe fear, viewing it not as a signal to stop but as a natural companion to growth. Everyone experiences fear, rejection, and self-doubt, but how we interpret those feelings determines whether we stay stuck or move forward. By using one small but powerful word - 'yet' - we can shift our self-talk. 'I’m not confident yet.' 'I haven’t succeeded yet.' This mindset keeps the door to progress open and reminds us that capability is built over time.
Bendaña also addresses the three primary fears that block confidence: rejection, the unknown, and inadequacy. Rejection, he says, is inevitable and often not personal. Rather than focusing on those who will never support you, redirect your energy toward those who might - your 'moveable middle.' The fear of the unknown can be managed by accepting that uncertainty is part of life. He cites Roger Federer, who acknowledges that even the best players lose nearly half the points in a match. Success isn’t about perfection; it’s about resilience. As for inadequacy, Bendaña reminds readers that excellence comes from ordinary actions repeated with care. Talent matters less than consistent effort. Small, deliberate improvements accumulate into mastery over time.
After energy and courage comes micro-action - the step where thought becomes movement. Many people fail to progress because they set unrealistic expectations, waiting for the perfect moment or the perfect plan. Bendaña argues that perfectionism is the enemy of progress. Confidence grows only through doing, not through thinking. Micro-action is about shrinking the goal until it’s so manageable that it becomes impossible not to start. Want to run a marathon? Buy your first pair of shoes. Want to start a business? Write down three ideas. By attaching a specific date to a small task, you transform a dream into a commitment. The act itself - no matter how trivial - creates momentum and teaches your brain that progress is possible.
Bendaña gives relatable examples of how micro-actions work in daily life. Preparing for a big presentation, for instance, can feel overwhelming. Instead of tackling it all at once, break it into tiny parts: rehearse the opening section first, then the next. Each completed portion builds a sense of mastery, turning anxiety into assurance. Similarly, going to the gym, learning an instrument, or improving social skills all begin with one small, imperfect effort. Over time, these efforts compound into significant growth. The point is not to be flawless but to be consistent - to keep showing up. Confidence, Bendaña emphasizes, is built on repetition, not revelation.
Finally, the last stage of the Confidence Cycle is micro-proof - the evidence that you are capable. Proof isn’t about winning or impressing others; it’s about acknowledging effort. Simply trying is proof enough. Bendaña uses the image of a nervous skier: though they fall repeatedly, the fact that they made it down the hill is evidence of bravery. This mindset shift - from focusing on outcomes to valuing output - is transformative. You’re not confident because you succeed every time; you’re confident because you keep showing up. When you measure success by effort, your identity grows stronger. You become a 'doer' rather than a dreamer.
Over time, micro-proof leads to an identity shift. Instead of defining yourself by your failures or external validation, you begin to see yourself as someone who acts, learns, and persists. Setbacks still happen, but they no longer erase progress; they simply become part of the learning curve. Confidence becomes self-sustaining because it is no longer dependent on outcomes - it’s rooted in your willingness to act. This shift builds resilience, ensuring that even after mistakes, you move forward with greater awareness and courage.
In conclusion, "Confident by Choice: The Three Small Decisions That Build Everyday Courage" by Juan Bendaña delivers a profound yet practical truth: confidence isn’t a gift - it’s a habit. Built through micro-energy, micro-courage, micro-action, and micro-proof, it’s a cycle that anyone can practice and repeat. By focusing on small, intentional steps, Bendaña empowers readers to stop waiting for confidence to appear and start creating it themselves. The real transformation comes when you stop chasing perfection and start celebrating progress - when you understand that confidence grows not from never failing, but from continuing despite failure. Each small action is a vote for the person you’re becoming. In the end, confidence isn’t something you have; it’s something you choose - day after day, decision after decision, cycle after cycle.
Bendaña begins by dismantling the myth that confidence is a scorecard measured by external validation. Too often, people tie their self-worth to achievements - landing a promotion, receiving praise, or gaining approval - believing each success adds a point to their 'confidence total.' Yet this system is fragile, collapsing the moment something goes wrong. The author insists that confidence should not depend on outcomes, appearances, or innate talent. Rather, it is an ongoing process - a verb, not a noun. The story of musician Ed Sheeran illustrates this perfectly. As a child, Sheeran struggled with a stutter, a lazy eye, and constant bullying. Through relentless effort - rapping along to Eminem lyrics to train his speech and performing hundreds of small gigs - he built the courage to perform publicly. His journey proves that confidence grows not from perfection but from persistence. Each act of courage, no matter how small, becomes proof that one is capable.
This brings us to the essence of Bendaña’s framework: the Confidence Cycle. It’s a repeatable process built on four key elements - micro-energy, micro-courage, micro-action, and micro-proof. Together, these steps create a self-reinforcing loop of growth. It begins with a spark of excitement or motivation (micro-energy), which leads to a small act of bravery (micro-courage). That courage fuels an initial, manageable step forward (micro-action), which produces evidence of progress (micro-proof). That proof then reinforces belief in oneself, reigniting energy for the next cycle. Over time, the loop strengthens confidence until it becomes an integrated part of one’s identity.
The first element, micro-energy, is all about finding the spark that motivates you to move. Courage can’t exist without energy - it’s the anticipation and excitement that make action possible. To cultivate this spark, Bendaña introduces several strategies. 'Excitement anchors' are small, positive events you intentionally plan throughout your week - activities that you genuinely look forward to, such as meeting a friend, exploring a hobby, or watching a favorite show. These anchors inject joy into your calendar and make life feel purposeful. He also discusses the importance of surrounding yourself with 'chargers' - people who uplift and energize you. Energy is contagious, and your environment plays a powerful role in shaping your mindset.
Another vital form of energy management is 'customized rest.' True rest isn’t simply about doing nothing but rather about doing what restores you. This could be meditation, exercise, art, or even organizing your workspace. Bendaña argues that recovery is essential fuel for courage; without it, energy drains away and self-doubt takes over. Finally, he emphasizes discovering your personal 'why.' A strong purpose turns fear into fuel. The example of Dee, a woman whose dream of buying her parents a home kept her working tirelessly for years, demonstrates how having a meaningful 'why' transforms effort into endurance. Energy, therefore, is not just about enthusiasm - it’s about aligning your actions with what deeply matters to you.
Once energy sparks, the next stage - micro-courage - begins. Courage doesn’t require heroism; it requires willingness. Bendaña encourages readers to reframe fear, viewing it not as a signal to stop but as a natural companion to growth. Everyone experiences fear, rejection, and self-doubt, but how we interpret those feelings determines whether we stay stuck or move forward. By using one small but powerful word - 'yet' - we can shift our self-talk. 'I’m not confident yet.' 'I haven’t succeeded yet.' This mindset keeps the door to progress open and reminds us that capability is built over time.
Bendaña also addresses the three primary fears that block confidence: rejection, the unknown, and inadequacy. Rejection, he says, is inevitable and often not personal. Rather than focusing on those who will never support you, redirect your energy toward those who might - your 'moveable middle.' The fear of the unknown can be managed by accepting that uncertainty is part of life. He cites Roger Federer, who acknowledges that even the best players lose nearly half the points in a match. Success isn’t about perfection; it’s about resilience. As for inadequacy, Bendaña reminds readers that excellence comes from ordinary actions repeated with care. Talent matters less than consistent effort. Small, deliberate improvements accumulate into mastery over time.
After energy and courage comes micro-action - the step where thought becomes movement. Many people fail to progress because they set unrealistic expectations, waiting for the perfect moment or the perfect plan. Bendaña argues that perfectionism is the enemy of progress. Confidence grows only through doing, not through thinking. Micro-action is about shrinking the goal until it’s so manageable that it becomes impossible not to start. Want to run a marathon? Buy your first pair of shoes. Want to start a business? Write down three ideas. By attaching a specific date to a small task, you transform a dream into a commitment. The act itself - no matter how trivial - creates momentum and teaches your brain that progress is possible.
Bendaña gives relatable examples of how micro-actions work in daily life. Preparing for a big presentation, for instance, can feel overwhelming. Instead of tackling it all at once, break it into tiny parts: rehearse the opening section first, then the next. Each completed portion builds a sense of mastery, turning anxiety into assurance. Similarly, going to the gym, learning an instrument, or improving social skills all begin with one small, imperfect effort. Over time, these efforts compound into significant growth. The point is not to be flawless but to be consistent - to keep showing up. Confidence, Bendaña emphasizes, is built on repetition, not revelation.
Finally, the last stage of the Confidence Cycle is micro-proof - the evidence that you are capable. Proof isn’t about winning or impressing others; it’s about acknowledging effort. Simply trying is proof enough. Bendaña uses the image of a nervous skier: though they fall repeatedly, the fact that they made it down the hill is evidence of bravery. This mindset shift - from focusing on outcomes to valuing output - is transformative. You’re not confident because you succeed every time; you’re confident because you keep showing up. When you measure success by effort, your identity grows stronger. You become a 'doer' rather than a dreamer.
Over time, micro-proof leads to an identity shift. Instead of defining yourself by your failures or external validation, you begin to see yourself as someone who acts, learns, and persists. Setbacks still happen, but they no longer erase progress; they simply become part of the learning curve. Confidence becomes self-sustaining because it is no longer dependent on outcomes - it’s rooted in your willingness to act. This shift builds resilience, ensuring that even after mistakes, you move forward with greater awareness and courage.
In conclusion, "Confident by Choice: The Three Small Decisions That Build Everyday Courage" by Juan Bendaña delivers a profound yet practical truth: confidence isn’t a gift - it’s a habit. Built through micro-energy, micro-courage, micro-action, and micro-proof, it’s a cycle that anyone can practice and repeat. By focusing on small, intentional steps, Bendaña empowers readers to stop waiting for confidence to appear and start creating it themselves. The real transformation comes when you stop chasing perfection and start celebrating progress - when you understand that confidence grows not from never failing, but from continuing despite failure. Each small action is a vote for the person you’re becoming. In the end, confidence isn’t something you have; it’s something you choose - day after day, decision after decision, cycle after cycle.
November 9, 2025
Thanks to Ballantine and Netgalley for this eARC.
Confident by Choice by Juan Bendaña is an energizing and practical guide to building authentic confidence through intentional, repeatable actions. It reframes courage not as a personality trait, but as a skill anyone can cultivate—one small decision at a time.
Drawing from years of research and his experience coaching over 250,000 individuals, Bendaña dismantles four common myths about confidence: that it’s tied to genetics, extroversion, competence, or the absence of insecurity. Instead, he introduces a framework built around three daily decisions that shape how we show up in the world. These decisions—how we speak to ourselves, how we engage with discomfort, and how we choose to act despite fear—form the backbone of what he calls the Confidence Cycle.
What makes this book stand out is its blend of science, storytelling, and actionable strategy. Bendaña doesn’t just offer motivational platitudes; he backs his approach with psychology, neuroscience, and real-world examples. Each chapter is structured to deliver insight followed by implementation, making the book feel like both a mindset manual and a personal coach.
The tone is conversational and uplifting, ideal for readers who want guidance without judgment. Bendaña’s anecdotes—from working with Olympians and CEOs to navigating his own moments of doubt—add credibility and relatability. He emphasizes that confidence isn’t about being fearless; it’s about choosing to act even when fear is present.
One of the book’s most powerful ideas is that confidence is built in private but revealed in public. The small, daily decisions—like speaking kindly to yourself, taking a risk, or showing up when it’s uncomfortable—accumulate into a foundation of self-trust. Bendaña encourages readers to stop waiting for permission and start practicing courage in everyday moments.
Visually, the book is clean and well-organized, with summaries, reflection prompts, and exercises that reinforce key concepts. It’s designed for both quick reference and deep engagement, making it suitable for professionals, students, and anyone navigating personal growth.
For readers seeking a confidence-building guide that’s grounded in research and delivered with heart, Confident by Choice is a standout. It’s not just about feeling braver—it’s about becoming someone who chooses courage consistently.
Confident by Choice by Juan Bendaña is an energizing and practical guide to building authentic confidence through intentional, repeatable actions. It reframes courage not as a personality trait, but as a skill anyone can cultivate—one small decision at a time.
Drawing from years of research and his experience coaching over 250,000 individuals, Bendaña dismantles four common myths about confidence: that it’s tied to genetics, extroversion, competence, or the absence of insecurity. Instead, he introduces a framework built around three daily decisions that shape how we show up in the world. These decisions—how we speak to ourselves, how we engage with discomfort, and how we choose to act despite fear—form the backbone of what he calls the Confidence Cycle.
What makes this book stand out is its blend of science, storytelling, and actionable strategy. Bendaña doesn’t just offer motivational platitudes; he backs his approach with psychology, neuroscience, and real-world examples. Each chapter is structured to deliver insight followed by implementation, making the book feel like both a mindset manual and a personal coach.
The tone is conversational and uplifting, ideal for readers who want guidance without judgment. Bendaña’s anecdotes—from working with Olympians and CEOs to navigating his own moments of doubt—add credibility and relatability. He emphasizes that confidence isn’t about being fearless; it’s about choosing to act even when fear is present.
One of the book’s most powerful ideas is that confidence is built in private but revealed in public. The small, daily decisions—like speaking kindly to yourself, taking a risk, or showing up when it’s uncomfortable—accumulate into a foundation of self-trust. Bendaña encourages readers to stop waiting for permission and start practicing courage in everyday moments.
Visually, the book is clean and well-organized, with summaries, reflection prompts, and exercises that reinforce key concepts. It’s designed for both quick reference and deep engagement, making it suitable for professionals, students, and anyone navigating personal growth.
For readers seeking a confidence-building guide that’s grounded in research and delivered with heart, Confident by Choice is a standout. It’s not just about feeling braver—it’s about becoming someone who chooses courage consistently.
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