Becoming Baba: Fatherhood, Faith, and Finding Meaning in America

by Aymann Ismail

“[Ismail’s] memoir thoughtfully examines the challenges of preserving faith…His storytelling balances humor with reflection…A warm and insightful exploration of how faith sustains and evolves across generations.” 
—Kirkus Reviews

“An uncommonly honest and moving book about family life and fatherhood…lays out crucial questions about manhood, parenting, and faith, and helps readers understand why those questions are important to everyone.”
—Dan Kois, award-winning journalist and author of How To Be a Family and Hampton Heights

From Slate staff writer Aymann Ismail comes an exquisite memoir about fatherhood, religion, and the search for identity in an ever-shifting world.

The son of Egyptian immigrants, Aymann Ismail came of age in the shadow of 9/11, tracking the barrage of predatory headlines pervading the media and influencing the popular consciousness about Muslims. After a series of bomb threats were directed at his Islamic school in Teaneck, New Jersey, just a few miles from downtown Manhattan, his parents—anxious that it was no longer safe to be so explicitly Muslim—enrolled him in public school, where he was the only Muslim his new friends had ever met. In the privacy of their home, they turned to their faith for guidance on how to live, adhering to traditional notions about gender roles, and avoiding the putative American dangers of alcohol, sex, and rebellion.

And yet, Aymann is undeniably an American teenager, negotiating his place in multiple worlds while chafing against the structures of his upbringing. He eventually embarks on a career in political journalism, in part to establish his own version of things. In time, though, he also gains a deeper understanding and appreciation for his parents' values and sacrifices—his father’s grueling work ethic as a town car driver, and his mother’s adeptness at managing their itinerant family.

When Aymann meets and falls in love with Mira, a woman with her own ideas about the modern Muslim family, his world shifts yet again. After Mira gets pregnant with their first child, Aymann begins to reckon with his past, future, and the beliefs that have shaped his life. What does it mean to be a Muslim man? More still, what does it mean to be any man—and a father to a baby boy and girl? And how best to honor one’s cultural heritage while holding space for change and discovery?  

In lucid, confident prose, Aymann Ismail questions the sturdy frameworks of religion and family, the legacies of his childhood, and what will become his children's ethical and intellectual inheritance. To reckon unflinchingly with these questions offers him a road map for his young Muslim children on how to navigate the singular journey into adulthood.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Religion, Audiobook, Biography Memoir

265 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 8, 2025

Reviews

[Zainab Bint Younus · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a millennial Muslim woman, I am very familiar with the memoir-like narratives of my peers - but rarely do I see reflective pieces by Muslim men.

So when I received an ARC of this book, I was excited. I *want* to know more about Muslim men's experiences with faith and fatherhood and being Muslim in a nonMuslim land. I *want* to experience, in some way, their journeys of growth and development.

Alas, I did not find what I was looking for in this book. Don't get me wrong - he's not a terrible writer - and I can understand that growing up Muslim in America is a challenging experience. I just... expected more depth.

Instead, what I got was a very 2000s-esque take (think: dua after smoking weed with some Muslim female friends in college), grumbling and resentment over religious parents (he does show them appreciation and grace, thankfully, but I still found his takes frustrating), a lot of rambling about preserving Arab identity...

Also I was supremely unimpressed by the scene where he and his wife get high on edibles WHILE ALONE IN THE HOUSE WITH THEIR INFANT AND TODDLER and then pray Maghrib while high and *that* was his Peak Spiritual Moment or whatever.

I dunno, I just felt very annoyed by the lack of deeper interrogation around fatherhood and faith. Also the 2000s-ness of it all (I am also a millennial and I remember those days clearly but I want some post-2000s-vibes reflections okay!!!).

It wasn't all annoying - definitely some thoughtful bits that I appreciated - but... meh. Not the worst, definitely not the best, absolutely needed a more critical editor to push for deeper inner work and digging.

[Samma · Rating 5 out of 5]

“For them, it was the idyllic homeland they had left behind, where their religion, culture, and identities were deeply rooted. For me, Egypt was more abstract--a mosaic of family visits, nostalgic movies and songs, and cultural practices that felt both familiar and distant.
Their success as parents seemed tied to how strongly we identified as Muslims, and Egypt, to me, represented an alternate reality. I imagined that had I grown up there, my parents might have been different--less anxious, less worried about external influences threatening to dilute or corrupt their children's faith. Egypt seemed like a place where we could simply exist, where Islam was seamlessly woven into daily life rather than being something to constantly protect.” 🫰🫰🫰

It’s amazing to see the feelings of having nowhere to call home while also trying to constantly prove yourself as Muslim and Arab enough (whatever that means ) to yourself and others. This was such a fun & emotional read. I felt like I watched Ayman grow up throughout the book🤧Can you tell my favorite genre is stories of the diaspora ??

[Luna M · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got this book as a gift after a talk by the author and didn’t expect much from it. I was pleasantly surprised by the compelling writing and couldn’t help but look up some of his reporting. There were some passages that I found both moving and memorable— the phone call between his mom and the man who stole his camera; the quiet panic he felt when making a mistake while leading prayer; the fierce essay that Mira wrote in defense of her certification; the whispering of the adhan in his son’s ear when he was born. There was a vulnerability to the author’s honesty that felt like a breath of fresh air.

There were also, however, many moments when I saw a lack of self-awareness from the author’s actions that starkly contradicted his stated values and reflections. While he tells us for much of the book that he wants to break with what he sees as outdated gender roles and see his partner as an equal rather than a subservient dependent, this often seemed at odds with his actual behavior. I hope he achieves his aspirations through study and hard work.

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Becoming Baba" is Aymann Ismail's memoir, detailing his experiences growing up in New Jersey as an Egyptian-American child to his current state as a husband and father to two children of his own. This is a beautifully complex and layered memoir, that pulls in his memories and experiences growing up to becoming an adult - a stage that continues to require evolution and learning as he juggles the many priorities and values that he's been taught by his family and background and the frequent clashes they have living in the United States.

As the youngest of four children, Aymann grew up watching his three older siblings navigate their lives in very different ways, from the rebelliousness of his older brothers to his studious model sister Hebah. From a young age, he had a experienced the frequent incompatibility of what he was expected to follow in the Qaran to the way of life in the Ironbound neighborhood of Newark, New Jersey. From relationships with girls to expectations of prayer, it continued with him as he left for college at Rutgers and found a future career for himself as a photographer and writer at SLATE.

As an adult, Aymann has to navigate the complexity of finding a partner who aligns with his family's values but also supports and challenges him - a difficult but not impossible feat once he meets Mira and the two eventually get married. When he becomes a father for himself for the first time, it brings into question how he wishes to raise his own children and simultaneously helps him grasp the perspective of his parents and the sacrifices they made for him and his siblings.

This is a touching and emotional memoir, and one I connected with personally as a first-generation immigrant growing up in a similar area as Aymann. I didn't have have much background into Islam however, and appreciated the depth and open-mindedness that he went into, both from a factual and personal lens. I appreciated as well the additional historical context of major events in recent years, including 9/11 and the ensuing racism against anyone who appeared to be of Middle Eastern descent, the COVID-19 pandemic and rise of Black Lives Matter, and the ongoing conflict Israel-Palestine conflict - many of which Aymann had first-hand experience with given his work at SLATE.

Very much a recommended read when "Becoming Baba" is published in July 2025!

Thank you Doubleday for the advance copy of this novel!

[Mjkummer · Rating 4 out of 5]

#netgalley #BecomingBaba #AymannIsmail #memoir

I hope Aymann can read his book 40 years from now and feel what I feel now after reading his beautiful story! How fortunate he is to have the committed, striving, loving parents and siblings, and genuine friends he has. He is a living example of the American Dream. His struggles with finding his authentic self in a country that is still foreign to his parents, with a religion that is still "different" in the United States, and deciding/growing to be the kind of husband and father he truly wants to be are part of what it is to be an American. That we have those choices and the freedom to exercise them is truly a privilege. It's wonderful to recognize the connection he has to family outside the U.S., but I hope he also develops the love for our country that really makes us strong and unique. No matter our color, country of origin, religion, or even political leanings, we are meant to live together in peace, love one another, and be American.

[Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

I both adored and resonated with this memoir heavily. Aymann’s relationship with his father is something I’ve seen reflected in my own life, and it was eye opening to see that relationship being put into word’s.

Becoming Baba is masterfully crafted. Aymann’s growth is clear to see from page to page. The stories from his past serve as building blocks, coming together to paint a the picture of him becoming a “Baba.”

(Also it was super cool to hear about his career as a journalist- from Arab Spring to George Floyd, Aymann has worked on so many important projects!)

[Noor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great memoir! Aymann's writing is extremely vivid, and many of his stories are central to the shared Arab American experience. I am curious how many people I know in reality who would relate to portions of his life mentioned in this book, even my own brother... overall lots of mems associated with reading this book with Samma! and getting to hear Aymann speak at TX book fest was very cool.

[Morgan]

I enjoyed reading this and appreciated Aymann’s perspective on faith and fatherhood. Not my most favorite memoir, but solid! I liked the first half better than the second.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. BOOK IS OUT JULY 8TH!

this is as local as a book is going to get for me! it takes place all over New Jersey from the 90s and on. i read it in less than two days, so really I devoured it! I've been on a kick of reading non-perfect representations of Muslims, and a memoir of this theme was just what I needed. a really great debut book from Aymann Ismail. Also would recommend watching his videos on Slate as they are mentioned in the book. oh -- and he's super nice!

you should read this if you meet any of these criteria:
muslim
new jerseyan
yelled "RU RAH RAH" at least once in your life
constantly fighting within yourself about religion versus culture
looking for an easy written narrative style! seriously -- really fun to follow along.

Looking forward to what else Aymann has cooking!

[Laura Hill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to Doubleday and NetGalley for providing an advance copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. The book will be published on July 8th, 2025.

This is a well-written and illuminating memoir recording Ismail’s personal experience of building a life as American Muslim. In many ways, this is a typical “child of immigrants” story — finding a balance between the traditional values and expectations in which he was raised and the not-so-traditional American culture in which he lives — but the story is somewhat atypical because being a Muslim in America is not always an easy thing to be. The memoir focuses primarily on the topics in the subtitle — how to live a good and meaningful life, be a good Muslim, be a good husband and father with the definition of “good” being something that evolves over time with a great deal of thought and discussion.

I read this book to better understand the Muslim religion and those who practice it — especially in light of the pretty scary practices of the more extreme Muslim groups which (unfortunately) seem to have control over the places most Muslims live. I did get a much better understanding of what I would called “American Islam” vs extremist Islam from Ismail’s 15 short “Who’s Afraid of Aymann Ismail?” video episodes than I did from the book, which didn’t obviously differentiate between the two. I got the impression that Ismail didn’t think he should have to explain that, but to those of us who have met few Muslims but read a lot of (scary) news, the clarification of his video series helped a lot. In the memoir, his comments on both 9/11 and the Israel Hamas war were complaints about the negative impact on American Muslims without a word of condemnation of the attackers or acknowledgement of the pain of the victims. This disturbed me. To be fair, Ismail is unashamedly anti-Israel and doesn’t seem to feel the need to understand “the other side” at all, though one of his video episodes focussed on man who had tried to do that — and was roundly attacked by the Islam community. At any rate, I did enjoy most of the video series, and gained some real education on topics that had not been clear to me, and when I step away from the political (which was NOT the focus of the memoir) I found it to document a well reflected journey that supports values I could easily relate to.

[Elisabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

The older I get the more I am plagued by a quiet fear that men are incapable of seeing women as human beings. They do not grow up seeing themselves in our stories, and when they become fathers, I have watched so many lazily retreat into the half hearted participants in their own families. How refreshing then to hear about a man’s self reflection and growing understanding of the women and men in his life. Though the narrative thread is of learning to be a Muslim father, it is the women who emerge as the heroes and spiritual mentors. I learned a lot about the pressures of contested identity, about loving a country that doesn’t always love you back.

[Anika (Encyclopedia BritAnika) · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was interesting to get a male perspective of growing up Muslim in America and the familial and external pressures associated. I feel like I've read a bunch of pieces by women and not from a man. I appreciated the honest dialog on struggling with faith and finding your own relationship with it that is not necessarily how your parents raised you with it. A little casual at times and not as deep as I wanted but a good perspective to get.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the e-arc.

[Aminah · Rating 3 out of 5]

this was a really great read with lots of reflection. a great portrait of what it's like to be muslim in america and what it means to come into your own meaning of faith. ismail is a journalist, and that definitely bleeds into his writing; emotions are stated, rather than pictured and he narrates his life in a very straightforward manner.

obviously, everyone's experience is the same, but his experiences in islamic school, questioning islam, and feeling guilt about how he practiced his faith are universal in their essence.

[Sophia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to Doubleday and NetGalley for allowing me to read this as an ARC. As a second generation Indian Muslim there were so many parts I related to. I always felt I was the only one who felt inadequate as an Indian and a Muslim, and reading this memoir gave the imperfect Muslim representation that I needed.

[Alle · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75
It’s rare to hear a story from someone like Aymann, and for that I commend him. It is obvious he is still processing his life changes and choices, how the ever evolving (devolving) American cultural landscape influences him, and I wish his editor had pushed for more insights. Good but not great.

[Sharon Baltman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this memoir to be truly moving and universal.
I bought the hard copy after his talk in Toronto. I read it gradually, savouring a real book in my hands and drawing out my reading pleasure.
He provides many, many insights into the difficulties of growing up Muslim in America.
Congratulations for speaking your truth!

[Herbie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bright, breezy, and fun, I kept waiting for Ismail to dig a little deeper. Ultimately, he didn’t seem to meaningfully address how he hopes to approach either fatherhood or his faith as his children age.

[Elisabeth Lovelace · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though I am not muslim, a father, or from Egypt. It holds important values about wrestling with faith.

[Carla · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting to hear of the author’s perspective on being Muslim. While reading it, comparing it to Christianity and how generations attempt to keep the religion alive for their children.

[Ellen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I expected a lot from this book based on a short excerpt, but was disappointed. I felt that there was too much "tell" and not enough "show."

[BeenStalk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Aymann writes what could feel preachy in a cadence that is approachable and yet it stands apart.

[Aziza · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a powerful exploration of faith, and the relationship between multiple generations of family, and learning what it means to have a partner. I absolutely loved this book.

[Christine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reflective
Candid
Good audiobook (and read by the author)

[Lilly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deeply moving. An honest expression of faith and family as well as the hurdles that come with them.