Teaching Snapping Turtles How To Chew Bubblegum

by Jonathan Heatt

Trying to reason with a Republican is like teaching a snapping turtle how to chew bubblegum. This conclusion birthed the title of my book. Teaching Snapping Turtles is an opinionated nonfiction book about American Society in the 21st Century.

American society is diseased. Violent. Corrupt. Many people sleepwalk and wade through life with no purpose. Gun violence continues unabated and unaddressed by our mercenary politicians. Wealth continues to be consolidated by the few – a sociopathic symptom of Capitalism. And everything is connected: Politics, Culture, religion, etc.… Nothing will change until our collective mind state changes. My acerbic book aims to spark a movement of change. It is necessary.

Americans suffer from hunger pains of which they know not. A spiritual void pervades our society – not a religious one, but a sense of purpose eludes the bulk of our populace. Buy & Consume are momentary reprieves that leave a person feeling empty. Most people want to be good people. Maybe my book can point them in the right direction and in turn, start a long overdue revolution of thought.

Teaching Snapping Turtles is merely a mirror of truth of the insane times we live in. Gun sales increase as tragedies grace the front pages. Global Warming may not be a debate anymore, but Obama is content taking baby steps even though the problem requires a giant leap forward. Unless we immediately change as a people then there will only be more Sandy Hooks and Hurricane Sandys.

The truth shouldn’t always be pretty & polite. Truth can be vulgar. I question everything Americans hold dear: guns, capitalism, religion, sports, violent movies…and highlight the harm these things are having on Humanity.

319 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 31, 2014

About the author

I'm an American writer with an insatiable appetite for butchering the English language. I write fiction, nonfiction, poetry, short stories, screenplays, and other inauspicious scribblings. If I had any sense I would've learned how to write code for computer programs.

When I'm not writing, I like to eat, drink, breathe, and trim toenails. Judging by the length of my tree climbers it's obvious I write quite often.

My new novel is Highway of Tears. Two college graduates take a road trip on the deadliest highway in North America. The novel is based on the terrifying real story of Highway 16 in British Columbia, nicknamed the Highway of Tears.

My new poetry book is Bedouin in a Fallen Desert, a collection of poems written by a Las Vegas author from 2020 through 2025 detailing his observations of the Covid years, political upheavals, the erosion of civil liberties, American divisiveness, and massive depopulation initiatives.

Basically a time capsule of living in a clown world, the author extols the importance of freedom in the 21st century while mixing in humor, mysticism, and admiration for a beneficial green plant.