Keep Your Kids: How to Raise Strong Kids in an Age of Therapeutic Sentimentalism - A Christian Guide to Raising Strong Children in an Age of Cultural Confusion

by Douglas Wilson

What do you want most for your kids?

A good job? A happy marriage? A long and healthy life? Perfect attendance at every holiday? A life without enemies? David and Esther and Job are not impressed. Some of God’s favorite characters offer us a different make your children count.

In this book, the goal for parents is not to keep them forever, but instead, to raise the kind of men and women who know what to do when Goliaths, tyrants, and hurricanes descend. What will your family legacy be?

Genres: Parenting, Family, Christian, Christian Living, Nonfiction, Theology, Cultural

136 pages, Hardcover

Published November 19, 2024

About the author

I write in order to make the little voices in my head go away. Thus far it hasn't worked.

Reviews

[Joshua Bremerman · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would probably rate this as a 3.5 star book. Part of that drop is because of the (acknowledged) repeats from Why Children Matter, Father Hunger, etc. That being said, I think the whether/which distinction from Doug in this work is more evident, and it causes two problems for me:

1. Covenantal Framework: For Doug, you are either a covenant family (aka Presbyterian), or you basically subscribe to the "heathens in diapers" view. David Schrock has an excellent article (https://christoverall.com/article/lon...) that I will not rehash completely, but let me just say that Doug's insistent application of the whether/which distinction completely misses a faithful (and historic) Baptist application of the new covenant to regenerate believers while also urging parents to raise up their children *as Christians* in the Lord.

2. Family Vision: The projected family vision is hordes of children and grandchildren meeting around your table weekly for Sabbath dinners. Do I enjoy that with my own in-laws? Yes. Would I enjoy that with my own kids? Absolutely. I think, however, that the strong family impulses can work against the idea of "keeping our kids," because the family that sends out a zealous, Spirit-filled pioneer missionary, hardly seeing that child for years at a time, has absolutely "kept" their child in my book. I also think the impulse downplays spiritual offspring and the legacy of faith passed down among the family of God (not just my own family) through the ages.

Okay, for the excellent stuff: raising children with community input; explicitly asking other parents and mentors for input on your parenting; the indulgent vs authoritarian parent; parental checking accounts and the garden of "yes" (as usual); sexual decorum discussion.

My opinion: Read Why Children Matter or Father Hunger before this one. Still worth the read and interesting, just not my favorite.

[Caleb M. Powers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book, and a great addition to Wilson's breadth of work on the family. It felt fresh, accessible, and relevant, with engaging writing and powerful conclusions. Highly recommended.

[jacob van sickle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some wise parenting reminders that are needed in our mushy, therapeutic age.

[Ray Burns · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good summary of the goal and result of biblical parenting, a bit marred by Wilson being the one to write it.

Praise

The general advice is solid. Parenting isn't teaching law, but training them to follow the path you're on. Model repentance. Don't neglect your marriage priorities, which will naturally flow into your parenting. Parenting must happen in community. I also gave a mental fist pump at how he explained teaching modesty (it's not being "not immodest," as though riding up to the line is the mark of successful obedience).

Wilson was also fairly pastoral, only occasionally 1) throwing in a witty remark that only those already on his side will applaud, or 2) making sure the reader knows people don't like him. He's clearly had this talk with real people and understands not only the suffering some readers are experiencing, but also some of the... foolish things they might be doing without realizing it. Overall, this book was built on wisdom, not just theory.

Criticism

Recommending this book is hard. If I could distill it down to the solid advice, I'd happily recommend it as an easier read for new, expecting, or struggling parents. But Wilson requires a lot of discernment in how he uses Scripture and the way he seems to center his theology around pining for better times.

Scripture: I don't want to outright say he mishandles God's word, because I don't think that's fair. But there are areas where he takes a verse/passage that seems loosely connected to his point, and you just assume that's what the passage must mean because it fits with what he's saying. The most egregious of these is p79-80 where he says the state doesn't get to raise our children (true). Why? Because children are made in the image of God, and Jesus said render to Caesar what is Caesar's, and money had Caesar's image, and kids have God's image, therefore... ???

Pining for better times: Wilson spends a lot of time casting a sepia-tinted view of what will happen if people raise their kids right. It will look like a house filled with generations of family, enjoying one another and swapping stories while the kids run around and have fun. He likes to invoke things his dad or granddad would say, adding to this idea that he's part of this generational process where you "keep your kids," but it only seems successful if you keep them close. It sounds nice, and I know it fits his theology, but it opens so many questions on whether a child moving away is a sign that a parent has failed.

Summary
I enjoyed the book. There are things I'll take away as I counsel others, and it had some good refreshers on why I do what I do as a father and husband. It's not a recommendation for everyone, but the core message is something Christians need to pursue.

[Ben Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

As is often the case with Wilson on family/parenting, he is on the money and almost proverbial in the amount of one-liner bangers on every page.

The Lord has given clear instruction and glorious promises of grace for the raising of children according to His design. Wilson helps me see both.

[Jonathan Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really good book! Convicting at times and very practical. I am teaching on parenting and this book has so much gold I can’t wait to share it.

[Joelle Pena · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably one of the best books I’ve ever read on parenting. Literally a must read for all parents today! It is so applicable to many issues families face today.

[Collin Lewis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid Biblical wisdom! Lots of great things in here and incredible writing.

[Benjamin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic.

[J. Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it. Practical and helpful. Possibly my favorite of Pastor Wilson’s works. Minus my quibbles with doctrinal statements such as justification being punctiliar (unless of course he means at baptism), this book was grand.

[Kaitlyn Wright · Rating 5 out of 5]

"There are many austencibly christian households where feelings run the show, or where one particular person's feelings run the show. And everybody uses Christian vocabulary to cover up what's happening....say a child is the most emotional one there at the praise and worship time in your Christian school's chapel services. During the extended-cut worship chorus, eyes are closed, and a hand is in the air. Everybody thinks he is worshipping Jesus, but he is actually worshipping a set of feelings that the music generates. And then, when this same child goes off to be a freshman at Leviathan State U, everyone is astonished at how rapidly he loses his faith. Within 3 months, he begins to feel like a girl, and you think, "Man, that was fast. That only took 3 months." But this was not a 3 month job. It took 15 years. Maybe he only recently started feeling like he should be a girl, but his foundational faith actaully hasn't changed. He has been obeying his emotions for a long, long time. Now he's just snipping off the Bible verses."

Doug Wilson
Keep Your Kids, Chapter 3, Empathy and the Clowns

[Josh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best parenting book I’ve read.

[Ian Crosby · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some very great counsel on parenting in such a way to raise up kids who keep the faith.

If you’re a Baptist parent—as I am—and can get around his new covenant framework, you’ll find this read challenging, inspiring, and helpfully practical.

[Anita Deacon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some review from other books (which I will always benefit from) but also a good bit of new stuff.
Will always read any Wilson parenting book.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent.

And glad to have a print version of a lot of the concepts from the “Foundations for Fathers” CDs that Brit and I basically memorized.

[Maurie Flanagan · Rating 4 out of 5]

anything by douglas wilson is so theologically sound and encouraging. a short read about the importance of fighting the good fight when it comes to our children’s salvation. this book taught me how rich it is to teach our children to LOVE Gods standard, not only to obey it, but want to live inside of Gods will.

[Caleb Levi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve read most of Wilson’s parenting books and, like the rest, this one is very good. Although he wrote this in response to craziness thrown at kids over the last few years, I think grandparents and older saints in the church would be the most to benefit from this book.

[Paul Gebel · Rating 1 out of 5]

All the purple prose of a polemicist... no real thesis or scholarship. Culture-war rants and 'old man yells at clouds' vibes, which fall flat knowing even a bit of Moscow's controversies. Stick with Tripp.

[Ross Hearne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although I do not agree with all of Wilson’s comments and doctrines within eschatology. This parenting book is grounded in Deut chapter 6 throughout the whole read. Wilson states: “kids are supposed to grow up in an environment dominated by the word of God. They are to be taught constantly, and their parents are to show them what wholeheartedly loving God looks like.” This is so true. And Wilson puts parents in the drivers seat of responsibility for how they raise their blessings that God has bestowed to them. If parents don’t raise their kids… the world will. Convicting. The chapter on empathy was particularly challenging and pushing as I thought about it more. Fathers, if you read this book. Prepare to be challenged and be prepared to take action for what God has given you. Protect, provide, and lead your family to the cross. Be the example your wife wants to follow, and your children want to imitate. For we live in a broken, sinful, and nasty world that is shouting at children and marriages to embrace their feelings over the word of God.
If the family is going to raise kids biblically. Feelings and wants cannot come before our needs. And our need is Christ in all things, and the word to be at the center of everything.

[Victoria Potter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so thankful for Doug Wilson. His exposition on parenting in these days is gentle, guiding, and sound. More than any of his others, this one hit the nail on the head. I am walking away with a renewed sense of awe for the Glory of God and His design. Having just finished the last pages of this book, and as a mother of a toddler myself, I was moved to tears at the reminder that we have one, Christ Jesus, who alone is the provider of all wisdom and all harmony. This is a needed book for this generation of parents.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short, but…good stuff stacked on good stuff. I mentally put this under the category of “easily consumable introduction to Biblical parenting” that I would readily recommend/pass along to newbies, non-readers and parental-adjacents (i.e. in-laws who don’t quite understand why you aren’t just doing what they did with their kids)—especially in the audiobook form, which makes it even easier to consume for those who don’t often read.

[Bethany Roseberry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book about parenting. Doug and I different theologically on some points but I appreciate his ability to speak the truth and not be afraid to offend those of us who need to be offended by God's word. I really appreciated the chapters on Loving the Standard, Child Discipline in Community, and Sexual Decorum in the Household.

[Veronica Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent read. If you’re only going to read one Wilson book on parenting, this should be it. A great summation of everything that’s come before with extra insights that reflect many years of seeking wisdom, parenting, and pastoral work.

[DJNana · Rating 5 out of 5]

As always, good stuff from Wilson. Nothing particularly new if you've read anything of his before on the topic, but it's most up-to-date, and it's always worth getting a refresher on the topic.

Recommended.

[Rebecca Esmond · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great, encouraging read - thankful Pastor Wilson just keeps writing more wisdom for us!

[Rebecca Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Audiobook). I’ve read/listened to so much of Doug’s stuff on parenting that this was not mind-blowing. But still just so solid, always!

[Rusten · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent as usual

[Kelsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to on a road trip. Plenty of good practical advice for raising kids with the hope of them loving the Lord and creating a strong family culture.

[Chloe Fontana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Convicting and encouraging. Doug does an excellent job of pointing parents to Christ and His grace as we seek to raise our children in the Lord.

[Larson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Not a re-hash of other DW books on child-rearing, but a timely addition interacting with the madness that parents in 2024 are dealing with.