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You Wanna Be on Top?: A Memoir of Makeovers, Manipulation, and Not Becoming America's Next Top Model
Go behind the scenes of America’s Next Top Model with this powerful memoir that reveals the manipulation and chaos driving the iconic but deeply flawed reality competition show—from a fan favorite contestant.
“Juicy, nostalgic, entertaining, and disturbing, You Wanna Be on Top? is the America’s Next Top Model exposé I didn’t know I needed.”—Amanda Montell, New York Times bestselling author of Cultish
Tyra Banks’s America’s Next Top Model was a cultural phenomenon with more than six million weekly viewers at its peak. Over its fifteen-year run, the show captured the glitz of the early aughts as well as its most toxic attitudes—from the glamorous but often questionable photo shoots to the cutting feedback from its highly respected if out-of-touch judges. But as its fans have grown up and as the next generation discovers ANTM, they’ve also begun to reckon with the enduring ways that the show has affected their body image and self-esteem.
Sarah Hartshorne would have never guessed that her first foray into modeling would start with being blindfolded alongside three dozen other girls on a charter bus winding through Puerto Rico. In You Wanna Be On Top?, Cycle 9’s only plus-size contestant takes us into the heart of the unforgiving auditions; the labyrinthian cruise ship the girls weren’t allowed to enjoy; and, of course, the L.A. “model house” teeming with hidden cameras and elaborately constructed tensions. As the season unfolds and the producers’ interview questions about her weight and her opinions of the other girls become increasingly pointed, Hartshorne uncovers the destabilizing methods employed to film “reality.”
Drawing on her experience as well as interviews with other contestants and production crew, Hartshorne answers the questions you always wanted to Why didn’t the house have a microwave or a dishwasher? Why did girls regularly faint during eliminations? Which judge was the meanest off camera? Why is it that the girls had their most meaningful conversations in closets? ( It was the one place camera crews couldn’t fit.)
With tender honesty and sharp wit, Hartshorne dissects the iconic show with an unflinching gaze that refuses to smize.
“Juicy, nostalgic, entertaining, and disturbing, You Wanna Be on Top? is the America’s Next Top Model exposé I didn’t know I needed.”—Amanda Montell, New York Times bestselling author of Cultish
Tyra Banks’s America’s Next Top Model was a cultural phenomenon with more than six million weekly viewers at its peak. Over its fifteen-year run, the show captured the glitz of the early aughts as well as its most toxic attitudes—from the glamorous but often questionable photo shoots to the cutting feedback from its highly respected if out-of-touch judges. But as its fans have grown up and as the next generation discovers ANTM, they’ve also begun to reckon with the enduring ways that the show has affected their body image and self-esteem.
Sarah Hartshorne would have never guessed that her first foray into modeling would start with being blindfolded alongside three dozen other girls on a charter bus winding through Puerto Rico. In You Wanna Be On Top?, Cycle 9’s only plus-size contestant takes us into the heart of the unforgiving auditions; the labyrinthian cruise ship the girls weren’t allowed to enjoy; and, of course, the L.A. “model house” teeming with hidden cameras and elaborately constructed tensions. As the season unfolds and the producers’ interview questions about her weight and her opinions of the other girls become increasingly pointed, Hartshorne uncovers the destabilizing methods employed to film “reality.”
Drawing on her experience as well as interviews with other contestants and production crew, Hartshorne answers the questions you always wanted to Why didn’t the house have a microwave or a dishwasher? Why did girls regularly faint during eliminations? Which judge was the meanest off camera? Why is it that the girls had their most meaningful conversations in closets? ( It was the one place camera crews couldn’t fit.)
With tender honesty and sharp wit, Hartshorne dissects the iconic show with an unflinching gaze that refuses to smize.
First published July 8, 2025
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About the author
Sarah Hartshorne
1 book25 followersSarah Hartshorne is a writer, comedian, and content creator. She was the plus-size contestant on Cycle 9 of America’s Next Top Model. After the show, she modeled all over the world for clients like Glamour, Vogue, Skechers, and more. She’s written about her experiences with plus-size modeling, travel, and body image for The Guardian, Gawker, and Teen Vogue. She lives in New York City with her husband and daughter.
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August 28, 2025LOVED! THIS! BOOK! if you grew up in the era of America's Next Top Model, pleaseee add this to your TBR asap. Sarah was on Cycle 9 of ANTM and just learning about the behind the scenes info was wiiiiild. and please listen to it!! Sarah's narration was hilarious, i was laughing out loud over and over. just everything i love about memoirs; the logistics, the realness, just didnt want this one to end!
July 1, 2025
I don't usually do one-liners (or one-ish-liners), but this calls for one: If you watched ANTM back in the day and still think about it sometimes, read this book. Skip the reviews and go straight for the book. Just do it.
Oh gosh. This book. This show. America's Next Top Model is possibly the first show of which I watched entire seasons—it was the mid-2000s, I was in boarding school, and there was a television in the hall lounge. (Television wasn't a thing at home, hence not really having watched most other shows.) ANTM was still new (cycle 2 when I entered boarding school), and my dorm was obsessed. The contestants seemed so glamorous, and at that point Tyra Banks still seemed mostly sane. We were young and we were dumb—like, really nerdy and book-smart, but also really dumb—and for a while when cycle 3 or 4 was airing we tried to talk the tallest, thinnest girl on hall into sending in an audition tape. (She was also possibly the shyest girl on hall, so fortunately she sensibly ignored us.)
Hartshorne's season (cycle 9) aired when I was in college, and I know I was still watching—I know I watched the entirety of her season—though I can't remember if it was a watch-on-the-dorm-TV thing or a watch-on-my-laptop thing. It's been years since I've been able to stomach even a snippet of Tyra Banks talking, and all of the seasons blend together, and when I looked up Hartshorne and the various other contestants she mentions I went "oh yeah, I remember her", and then I had to look them all up again repeatedly because really, I watched a lot of ANTM and it was a long time ago.
I didn't know that this was the ANTM book I've been waiting for since high school, but this is just about everything I could have hoped for in an ANTM memoir. I had to force myself not to read the entire thing in a day; instead I read the entire thing in a day and a half. Hartshorne is writing from enough distance to have eyes wide open, and better than that, she's funny (which maybe you should expect from a comedian! But again, I have followed exactly none of the contestant's careers, so what do I know).
"What's everybody's schtick?" asked one girl.
"I was just wondering that!" I said. "I think I'd be the ditzy one."
"That's so silly!" said a girl with piercing blue eyes. "I'd be the beautiful one," she added, flipping her long blond hair over her shoulder.
Maybe, I thought, I will be the second-most ditzy one. (loc. 298*)
And later:
After a while, one of the girls whispered, "I think they're taking us to meet with a therapist."
[...]
"My parents will be so mad if they find out I talked to a therapist."
"So will my boyfriend!"
My eyes bugged out of my head. I wanted to tell them those were actually both great reasons to see a therapist. (loc. 623)
But it's also really, really thoughtful. If any of the girls mentioned above made it to the actual show—the first quote is from the open call Hartshorne went to; the second is from the pre-show chaos in Puerto Rico, when they were down to 50-odd girls but the eventual cast had yet to be finalized—we never find out, and they can't be identified from that info alone; later, although Hartshorne is biting about some of the people involved in the production of the show (certain personalities Do Not Come Off Well, to say the least), she says this about conversations with the other contestants: We talked about everything: ambitions, creative desires, sex. And since I would never share any of their stories, I can only tell you my own contributions (loc. 1745). Though the other contestants show up repeatedly, as well they should, Hartshorne writes of them with nothing but respect—if this is a tell-all, they are not the people who need to be told on.
Reality TV is manufactured reality, of course; by now most of us know this. But as the book goes on, it becomes clearer and clearer just how much the show prioritized the show (and their own paychecks—the contestants, of course, were not being paid beyond a not-guaranteed food stipend) over reality or over the contestants' well-being. I'll leave most of the stories to Hartshorne's telling (did I not tell you to skip the reviews and go read the book already?), but I do want to talk about the completely bonkers scenario of being a plus-sized model on this show.
Of course, I was also looking at everyone's physical size and comparing it with mine. I wondered if they could all instantly tell that I was the plus-size contestant. (loc. 1215)
I'm not here to discuss Hartshorne's body or size (or the bodies or sizes of any of the other contestants), but it is absolutely batshit that—on ANTM, but also in the modelling industry more generally—the size window for "straight size" models is so narrow that it might not be immediately clear who is classed as "plus size". I mean, the entire sizing thing is batshit, but it feels like an extra kind of fucked up to bring on someone barely larger than the "straight size" contestants and make a big deal about how she's bigger. (There's also the part where pretty much everything ANTM did for the plus-sized contestants had nothing to do with industry reality? Like, cutting off all of Hartshorne's hair and thus making her unbookable at agencies that hired plus-sized models; handing out a one-size-fits-all prize contract with an agency that did not work with plus-sized models...)
But more than that, it was immediately clear to Hartshorne that the show had a specific storyline for her, and that story was Sad Fat Girl:
And now, as I looked around at all these achingly thin girls, it was starting to hit me that every challenge, every panel, every conversation going forward, was going to be about my weight. That was going to be My Thing, no matter what else I did. (loc. 583)
"Do you think it [a near-collision] was because you're plus-size, because you took up more of the runway?" (loc. 1885)
I didn't want to do a naked photo shoot. It wasn't the actual being naked I was dreading. I'd run around the house naked. I was dreading the interview that would inevitably follow. (loc. 2334)
They kept pressuring me to say that I hated my outfit, that I hated my body, that I was uncomfortable. And I just wouldn't. [...] while I didn't like my body, I wasn't going to say it. I was holding on to my dignity by a thread, but goddamn it, I wasn't going to let go. When the episode aired, they showed me saying things they took completely out of context—"That makes me super uncomfortable" and "I don't like it"—and made it seem like I was talking about my outfit. (loc. 2998)
Hartshorne was aware enough of what the show wanted from her that she developed a strategy (an excellent strategy, I must say) of trotting out whale facts instead of sound bites, but the whole thing is just...telling. Not surprising, but telling.
I don't know whether we've seen so few ANTM memoirs because of the dire warnings the producers gave the contestants about NDAs and so on (the gist of which: we own your life story now, and we can say whatever we want but you can't say anything at all or we will bankrupt you and your children and your children's children), but I am over here praying that this releases the floodgates—and that, in the meantime, Hartshorne makes some serious bank on it. Why are you still reading this review? Go read the book instead.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
Oh gosh. This book. This show. America's Next Top Model is possibly the first show of which I watched entire seasons—it was the mid-2000s, I was in boarding school, and there was a television in the hall lounge. (Television wasn't a thing at home, hence not really having watched most other shows.) ANTM was still new (cycle 2 when I entered boarding school), and my dorm was obsessed. The contestants seemed so glamorous, and at that point Tyra Banks still seemed mostly sane. We were young and we were dumb—like, really nerdy and book-smart, but also really dumb—and for a while when cycle 3 or 4 was airing we tried to talk the tallest, thinnest girl on hall into sending in an audition tape. (She was also possibly the shyest girl on hall, so fortunately she sensibly ignored us.)
Hartshorne's season (cycle 9) aired when I was in college, and I know I was still watching—I know I watched the entirety of her season—though I can't remember if it was a watch-on-the-dorm-TV thing or a watch-on-my-laptop thing. It's been years since I've been able to stomach even a snippet of Tyra Banks talking, and all of the seasons blend together, and when I looked up Hartshorne and the various other contestants she mentions I went "oh yeah, I remember her", and then I had to look them all up again repeatedly because really, I watched a lot of ANTM and it was a long time ago.
I didn't know that this was the ANTM book I've been waiting for since high school, but this is just about everything I could have hoped for in an ANTM memoir. I had to force myself not to read the entire thing in a day; instead I read the entire thing in a day and a half. Hartshorne is writing from enough distance to have eyes wide open, and better than that, she's funny (which maybe you should expect from a comedian! But again, I have followed exactly none of the contestant's careers, so what do I know).
"What's everybody's schtick?" asked one girl.
"I was just wondering that!" I said. "I think I'd be the ditzy one."
"That's so silly!" said a girl with piercing blue eyes. "I'd be the beautiful one," she added, flipping her long blond hair over her shoulder.
Maybe, I thought, I will be the second-most ditzy one. (loc. 298*)
And later:
After a while, one of the girls whispered, "I think they're taking us to meet with a therapist."
[...]
"My parents will be so mad if they find out I talked to a therapist."
"So will my boyfriend!"
My eyes bugged out of my head. I wanted to tell them those were actually both great reasons to see a therapist. (loc. 623)
But it's also really, really thoughtful. If any of the girls mentioned above made it to the actual show—the first quote is from the open call Hartshorne went to; the second is from the pre-show chaos in Puerto Rico, when they were down to 50-odd girls but the eventual cast had yet to be finalized—we never find out, and they can't be identified from that info alone; later, although Hartshorne is biting about some of the people involved in the production of the show (certain personalities Do Not Come Off Well, to say the least), she says this about conversations with the other contestants: We talked about everything: ambitions, creative desires, sex. And since I would never share any of their stories, I can only tell you my own contributions (loc. 1745). Though the other contestants show up repeatedly, as well they should, Hartshorne writes of them with nothing but respect—if this is a tell-all, they are not the people who need to be told on.
Reality TV is manufactured reality, of course; by now most of us know this. But as the book goes on, it becomes clearer and clearer just how much the show prioritized the show (and their own paychecks—the contestants, of course, were not being paid beyond a not-guaranteed food stipend) over reality or over the contestants' well-being. I'll leave most of the stories to Hartshorne's telling (did I not tell you to skip the reviews and go read the book already?), but I do want to talk about the completely bonkers scenario of being a plus-sized model on this show.
Of course, I was also looking at everyone's physical size and comparing it with mine. I wondered if they could all instantly tell that I was the plus-size contestant. (loc. 1215)
I'm not here to discuss Hartshorne's body or size (or the bodies or sizes of any of the other contestants), but it is absolutely batshit that—on ANTM, but also in the modelling industry more generally—the size window for "straight size" models is so narrow that it might not be immediately clear who is classed as "plus size". I mean, the entire sizing thing is batshit, but it feels like an extra kind of fucked up to bring on someone barely larger than the "straight size" contestants and make a big deal about how she's bigger. (There's also the part where pretty much everything ANTM did for the plus-sized contestants had nothing to do with industry reality? Like, cutting off all of Hartshorne's hair and thus making her unbookable at agencies that hired plus-sized models; handing out a one-size-fits-all prize contract with an agency that did not work with plus-sized models...)
But more than that, it was immediately clear to Hartshorne that the show had a specific storyline for her, and that story was Sad Fat Girl:
And now, as I looked around at all these achingly thin girls, it was starting to hit me that every challenge, every panel, every conversation going forward, was going to be about my weight. That was going to be My Thing, no matter what else I did. (loc. 583)
"Do you think it [a near-collision] was because you're plus-size, because you took up more of the runway?" (loc. 1885)
I didn't want to do a naked photo shoot. It wasn't the actual being naked I was dreading. I'd run around the house naked. I was dreading the interview that would inevitably follow. (loc. 2334)
They kept pressuring me to say that I hated my outfit, that I hated my body, that I was uncomfortable. And I just wouldn't. [...] while I didn't like my body, I wasn't going to say it. I was holding on to my dignity by a thread, but goddamn it, I wasn't going to let go. When the episode aired, they showed me saying things they took completely out of context—"That makes me super uncomfortable" and "I don't like it"—and made it seem like I was talking about my outfit. (loc. 2998)
Hartshorne was aware enough of what the show wanted from her that she developed a strategy (an excellent strategy, I must say) of trotting out whale facts instead of sound bites, but the whole thing is just...telling. Not surprising, but telling.
I don't know whether we've seen so few ANTM memoirs because of the dire warnings the producers gave the contestants about NDAs and so on (the gist of which: we own your life story now, and we can say whatever we want but you can't say anything at all or we will bankrupt you and your children and your children's children), but I am over here praying that this releases the floodgates—and that, in the meantime, Hartshorne makes some serious bank on it. Why are you still reading this review? Go read the book instead.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
October 15, 2025
4 stars
If you are the casual America's Next Top Model viewer, this book is not for you. This is for the obsessed ANTM girlies who binged watched marathons on VH1 back in the day, or even sat down weekly as the show was airing because you had to see who got eliminated that week. The second one is me, I remember being obsessed with this show during high school and then college, tuning in every new season to see who was going to be America's Next Top Model.
Sarah Hartshorne was a contestant in Cycle 9 of the show and was the only plus size model in her cycle. This book is her experience from beginning to end on her specific season. As a viewer, I found Sarah's story fascinating. Surprising? No. We've known for some time conditions on the show were not great, but I was enthralled by this book as it gives you a day to day breakdown of what the entire process is like.
It really is wild when you reflect on what these girls went through for this prize. Hours of being "on ice" where when the cameras weren't rolling they weren't allowed to talk to each other, they just had to sit there. If they misbehaved their ipods and books were taken away and they had nothing to do. The judges were actually saying much worse things to the girls than we saw. Judgings were not 20 minutes like in the episodes, they were 13-15 hour long days where the girls stood in heels without air conditioning and it was not uncommon for them to faint. Honestly there's just so much.
I felt Hartsthorne did a great job telling this story from her perspective, we got to see the process through her eyes. She obviously had her own bias, but I felt she was able to give a pretty accurate portrayal of all the parties involved with the show. While she was telling us what was happening she also explained her feelings on everything and how she dealt with the show. I thought it was very well done. I really hope more ANTM contestants write about their own experiences on the show because I would love to read them.
If you are the casual America's Next Top Model viewer, this book is not for you. This is for the obsessed ANTM girlies who binged watched marathons on VH1 back in the day, or even sat down weekly as the show was airing because you had to see who got eliminated that week. The second one is me, I remember being obsessed with this show during high school and then college, tuning in every new season to see who was going to be America's Next Top Model.
Sarah Hartshorne was a contestant in Cycle 9 of the show and was the only plus size model in her cycle. This book is her experience from beginning to end on her specific season. As a viewer, I found Sarah's story fascinating. Surprising? No. We've known for some time conditions on the show were not great, but I was enthralled by this book as it gives you a day to day breakdown of what the entire process is like.
It really is wild when you reflect on what these girls went through for this prize. Hours of being "on ice" where when the cameras weren't rolling they weren't allowed to talk to each other, they just had to sit there. If they misbehaved their ipods and books were taken away and they had nothing to do. The judges were actually saying much worse things to the girls than we saw. Judgings were not 20 minutes like in the episodes, they were 13-15 hour long days where the girls stood in heels without air conditioning and it was not uncommon for them to faint. Honestly there's just so much.
I felt Hartsthorne did a great job telling this story from her perspective, we got to see the process through her eyes. She obviously had her own bias, but I felt she was able to give a pretty accurate portrayal of all the parties involved with the show. While she was telling us what was happening she also explained her feelings on everything and how she dealt with the show. I thought it was very well done. I really hope more ANTM contestants write about their own experiences on the show because I would love to read them.
March 4, 2025
”And the reality is … it was a cult. I got suckered into a cult."
Not many people know this about me, but I love trash tv. My love for those kinds of shows started with this series and that led me down a rabbit hole that I'm not sure I'll ever get out of. Seeing Sarah write about her experiences on the show had me rushing to get my hands on a copy of this.
Talk about scandalous. This is sizzling!
Let me tell you, my draw dropped as I read this. It hung open the entire damn time. I could not believe what the producers, crew, co-hosts, and even Tyra put these ladies through. If you learn one thing from this, it's that you never really know a person.
Sarah bravely shares her experiences, revealing the struggles she and others faced just to be part of the show and to remain on it. It was both heart-wrenching and eye-opening, and I could feel the pain in every word. As I continued reading, my shock deepened. The illusion that everything was wonderful, with just a hint of drama, was shattered. The reality is far more cruel than we could have imagined.
In the past, we saw the judges as supportive and caring figures. Now, when I look back, I can recall all those hurtful words and the disdainful glances from those who were meant to uplift you in your career. It’s incredibly disheartening and speaks to a deeper level of betrayal.
"You Wanna Be on Top?" is a heartfelt memoir that has profoundly changed my understanding of reality TV. It’s important to remember that appearances can be deceiving, and this book will truly open your eyes to the unseen struggles behind the scenes.
Not many people know this about me, but I love trash tv. My love for those kinds of shows started with this series and that led me down a rabbit hole that I'm not sure I'll ever get out of. Seeing Sarah write about her experiences on the show had me rushing to get my hands on a copy of this.
Talk about scandalous. This is sizzling!
Let me tell you, my draw dropped as I read this. It hung open the entire damn time. I could not believe what the producers, crew, co-hosts, and even Tyra put these ladies through. If you learn one thing from this, it's that you never really know a person.
Sarah bravely shares her experiences, revealing the struggles she and others faced just to be part of the show and to remain on it. It was both heart-wrenching and eye-opening, and I could feel the pain in every word. As I continued reading, my shock deepened. The illusion that everything was wonderful, with just a hint of drama, was shattered. The reality is far more cruel than we could have imagined.
In the past, we saw the judges as supportive and caring figures. Now, when I look back, I can recall all those hurtful words and the disdainful glances from those who were meant to uplift you in your career. It’s incredibly disheartening and speaks to a deeper level of betrayal.
"You Wanna Be on Top?" is a heartfelt memoir that has profoundly changed my understanding of reality TV. It’s important to remember that appearances can be deceiving, and this book will truly open your eyes to the unseen struggles behind the scenes.
November 5, 2025
Review forthcoming but I liked it! If you're a fan of gossipy nonfiction, go for it. Especially if you're a reality fan and required reading if you're an ANTM fan.
This memoir of Hartshorne's time on America’s Next Top Model takes us inside the nightmarish world of the show, where participants signed their life rights away in perpetuity, were starved, kept isolated, and threatened. And that’s before going on the show itself where they were further terrorized. I know society has tried to get Tyra and the producers to reckon with the harm they caused the people who have been on this show, but maybe we need to try again: every nugget of information in this book is horrifying and requires another look at the ethics of reality tv as an operation.
This memoir of Hartshorne's time on America’s Next Top Model takes us inside the nightmarish world of the show, where participants signed their life rights away in perpetuity, were starved, kept isolated, and threatened. And that’s before going on the show itself where they were further terrorized. I know society has tried to get Tyra and the producers to reckon with the harm they caused the people who have been on this show, but maybe we need to try again: every nugget of information in this book is horrifying and requires another look at the ethics of reality tv as an operation.
November 5, 2025
I decided on a mid-grade 3 stars for this book. On one side of the argument, I absolutely reveled in the juicy tidbits behind ANTM and how it worked. Holy guacamole, what a toxic environment!!! None of it was surprising, sadly, it was all exactly what I expected. I did not find the author likeable at all, however. Her constant talk of dissociating as if it’s normal got bothersome. It was honestly really saddening how she eerily glossed over terrible things like her stepfather molesting her, and I sincerely hope he has since been brought to justice.
December 16, 2025
When I saw a tell-all about ANTM was getting published you KNOW my reality addicted ass was all over listening to that! I’ll admit I didn’t remember who Sarah was off the top of my head and wasn’t even sure if I had watched the “cycle” she had appeared on (never you fear, OF COURSE I DID! I have a serious problem when it comes to not watching garbage). Per usual I listened to this while walking, so I was a good halfway through before I even Googled her name to see who she was. Then it came flooding right back (weird how my colander brain works that I could recall nearly every panel but it takes a calendar reminder to make sure I don’t forget to order a cake for people that CAME OUT OF MY OWN BODY!). I’ll tell you I really felt for Sarah (and every other plus size contestant) during her
If you were a superfan of America’s Next Top Model, this is a pretty quality listen. The only thing that lost me? No, ma’am, this reality television show was not a cult. Be so for real right now. Yes, it was toxic and the working conditions sound gross, but it was not a cult.
December 30, 2024
I have no shame.
I revel in bad reality competition shows. How bad? I remember things like ‘Who want’s to marry Harry’ and ‘Who’s your Daddy?’ with nostalgic fondness. I believe people should sashay away and not be there to make friends.
And, yes, I adored America’s Next Top Model – toxicity and all.
This is a memoir from a plus size (who, my god, was not large) model on the show, so it gives a slightly different perspective than you might get from most of the contestants. And the read made me almost feel actually guilty for enjoying the show! My goodness, what these poor models were put through.
This is absolutely unvarnished and most of the people behind the show come off like the parasites they likely are. I’m also now more enthralled with Miss Jay, who clearly treated the contestants with kindness and respect.
I do think this book is very much for the folks who have watched the show. If you’re just in the ‘kind of familiar’ camp, you may not get quite the satisfaction out of it.
I’m glad the author wrote the book…and really sorry for everything they put her through.
• ARC via Publisher
I revel in bad reality competition shows. How bad? I remember things like ‘Who want’s to marry Harry’ and ‘Who’s your Daddy?’ with nostalgic fondness. I believe people should sashay away and not be there to make friends.
And, yes, I adored America’s Next Top Model – toxicity and all.
This is a memoir from a plus size (who, my god, was not large) model on the show, so it gives a slightly different perspective than you might get from most of the contestants. And the read made me almost feel actually guilty for enjoying the show! My goodness, what these poor models were put through.
This is absolutely unvarnished and most of the people behind the show come off like the parasites they likely are. I’m also now more enthralled with Miss Jay, who clearly treated the contestants with kindness and respect.
I do think this book is very much for the folks who have watched the show. If you’re just in the ‘kind of familiar’ camp, you may not get quite the satisfaction out of it.
I’m glad the author wrote the book…and really sorry for everything they put her through.
• ARC via Publisher
September 7, 2025
Being a huge fan of the show America’s Next Top model, this was such an eye opener for what it was truly like to go through that competition. I could not stop reading this! Highly recommend
August 6, 2025
this was SUCH a good memoir. if you've ever been curious what happens behind the scenes of reality shows, specifically americas next top model, you need to read this. I can't believe the producers got away with treating the girls this way. I expected it to be bad but not THAT bad.
Sarah did such an amazing job telling her story, I truly felt like I was a contestant on the show with the details she gave. I'm so glad she's exposing them and how toxic the environment was. I can tell this wasn't easy for her so I admire her so much for writing it
Sarah did such an amazing job telling her story, I truly felt like I was a contestant on the show with the details she gave. I'm so glad she's exposing them and how toxic the environment was. I can tell this wasn't easy for her so I admire her so much for writing it
October 15, 2025
There are things that happened in 2000s pop culture that I look back on and think “was that a fever dream?” And a lot of those moments happened on America’s Next Top Model. I’m not sure a lot of younger Gen Zs appreciate just how unhinged reality TV shows in that era were. And while my fellow millennials will certainly remember the memorable moments, they may not realize the awful conditions contestants were subjected to behind the scenes. For both of these groups, this book will be an eye opener.
The author recounts her time on ANTM as a “plus sized model” (despite not actually being a plus sized person). She was subjected to interviews with producers—and interactions with judges—desired to poke at her insecurities. She also explains just how much surveillance the contestants experienced while on the show. The first thing they were supposed to do upon waking was get miked up. They would literally hide in the home’s closet to have real conversations because the crew couldn’t get a good camera angle. Speaking of conversation, they weren’t allowed to speak—and sometimes not even allowed a book or iPod—while waiting on location, sometimes for hours, for the judges to deliberate. You know how people on reality TV seem completely unhinged? There’s a reason why they act that way!
The author is super funny and listening to this book on audio was a treat. Come for the juicy behind the scenes stories, stay for the valuable messages about how completely messed up the entertainment industry was (and in some ways continues to be).
The author recounts her time on ANTM as a “plus sized model” (despite not actually being a plus sized person). She was subjected to interviews with producers—and interactions with judges—desired to poke at her insecurities. She also explains just how much surveillance the contestants experienced while on the show. The first thing they were supposed to do upon waking was get miked up. They would literally hide in the home’s closet to have real conversations because the crew couldn’t get a good camera angle. Speaking of conversation, they weren’t allowed to speak—and sometimes not even allowed a book or iPod—while waiting on location, sometimes for hours, for the judges to deliberate. You know how people on reality TV seem completely unhinged? There’s a reason why they act that way!
The author is super funny and listening to this book on audio was a treat. Come for the juicy behind the scenes stories, stay for the valuable messages about how completely messed up the entertainment industry was (and in some ways continues to be).
October 16, 2025
put tyra banks in jail NOW
April 17, 2025
As an avid watcher of America's Next Top Model back in the day, I will happily read anything that comes out about contestants' experiences on the show, because everything they were put through was WILD. I think we can all look back at it now and recognize how much toxicity there clearly was on that set, and we can only imagine what went on that can't be talked about due to NDAs. I'm glad to hear Sarah Hartshorne's first hand account of what her experience was like on cycle 9 of the show, because we haven't gotten a lot of details from former contestants (I imagine out of fear of lawsuits or other retaliation), and this really felt like a diary of her time on ANTM. She expresses what it was like to be thrown into this completely unfamiliar situation as someone who didn't have any experience in the modeling or reality tv worlds, and how jarring it was to be under the control of a production team that ran a really tight ship. I had heard about how difficult the filming conditions were for the show, but Sarah included some instances that were really harrowing, such as health issues getting ignored, and long work days with little to no water, food, or bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, she also talks very openly about what it was like to be considered a plus-sized model even though she wasn't truly plus-sized, and how every interview on the show seemed to involve questions about whether or not she was insecure about her weight.
I think that fans of ANTM will find this book very interesting, harrowing, and a little bit nostalgic. I can also see it appealing to people who are just interested in the modeling industry, or the reality tv culture of the time.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an eARC in exchange for an honest review!
I think that fans of ANTM will find this book very interesting, harrowing, and a little bit nostalgic. I can also see it appealing to people who are just interested in the modeling industry, or the reality tv culture of the time.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an eARC in exchange for an honest review!
August 29, 2025
This was a fantastic memoir! Incredibly fascinating to learn about so much of what went on during ANTM and how contestants were treated. And I really loved the small tidbits we learned about the author (would have loved more of that)!! If you were an ANTM watcher honestly this is a must read. And the audio was so good. 👌🏼
June 9, 2025
As someone who has seen every cycle of America's Next Top Model (more than once), I was absolutely the target audience for this book. It did not disappoint. Such a thoughtful examination of the experience of being on a reality show and all that entailed. Sarah's writing is sharp and her narration of the audiobook honest and moving. And I really enjoyed her references to Jia Tolentino and Amanda Montell's writing. Thank you to PRH Audio for an early listening copy. This really is a must read for anyone who consumed ANTM in the 2000s.
December 11, 2025
I had fun with this one start to finish. Sarah Hartshorne basically wrote a book about what everyone has been on for years: antm is abusive, but boy, did I not even know the half of it.
July 4, 2025
I literally read this in one sitting.
You definitely have to be interested and have watched America’s Next Top Model to have loved this as much as I did. A great look into the cult-like, toxic environment of the show and I’m sure many other reality shows. I appreciated Hartshorne’s vulnerability and humor throughout as well, especially when it came to exploring themes around trauma and sexuality.
You definitely have to be interested and have watched America’s Next Top Model to have loved this as much as I did. A great look into the cult-like, toxic environment of the show and I’m sure many other reality shows. I appreciated Hartshorne’s vulnerability and humor throughout as well, especially when it came to exploring themes around trauma and sexuality.
July 20, 2025
Read like you are watching a commentary track on season 9 of ANTM. Some inside info that was interesting but over all not anything groundbreaking.
October 9, 2025
3.5 stars
RTC
RTC
November 6, 2025
In high school and college, like many millennial women, I was a dedicated weekly viewer of “America’s Next Top Model”. I can’t say I was a big Tyra fan but this didn’t stop me from watching week after week, eager to see the challenge of the week, who would move on, and who would be eliminated.
Season 9 former contestant Sarah Hartshorne shares ANTM experience in her memoir, You Wanna Be On Top? At first, I wasn’t sure I was going to enjoy this one but the book quickly grew on me as it progressed.
Now, we know how scripted and staged “reality TV” often is, but at the time, ANTM was in the early days. The contestants had to endure a lot, and Sarah details this in her memoir. I was surprised by how some iconic ANTM moments like, “We were all rooting for you!” (IYKYK) were brushed over. Contestants were often baited by producers with leading questions, in a now obvious attempt at creating drama. The contestants were kept in a secluded hotel after their eliminations to preserve the secrecy of the competition. And, during their time on the show, they were limited in what they could share and with whom.
Sarah narrates the audiobook of You Wanna Be On Top? herself. I enjoyed listening and I appreciate her insider, behind the scenes view. I’m not sure ANTM would be greenlit as a show today and I’m not convinced that’s a bad thing either.
Season 9 former contestant Sarah Hartshorne shares ANTM experience in her memoir, You Wanna Be On Top? At first, I wasn’t sure I was going to enjoy this one but the book quickly grew on me as it progressed.
Now, we know how scripted and staged “reality TV” often is, but at the time, ANTM was in the early days. The contestants had to endure a lot, and Sarah details this in her memoir. I was surprised by how some iconic ANTM moments like, “We were all rooting for you!” (IYKYK) were brushed over. Contestants were often baited by producers with leading questions, in a now obvious attempt at creating drama. The contestants were kept in a secluded hotel after their eliminations to preserve the secrecy of the competition. And, during their time on the show, they were limited in what they could share and with whom.
Sarah narrates the audiobook of You Wanna Be On Top? herself. I enjoyed listening and I appreciate her insider, behind the scenes view. I’m not sure ANTM would be greenlit as a show today and I’m not convinced that’s a bad thing either.
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January 11, 2026Juicy behind the scenes especially after watching this season when I was a literal child.
The ptsd realization so much later in life is so insane. Like they weren’t letting them go to the bathroom 😭 but treated it like that was normal.
The ptsd realization so much later in life is so insane. Like they weren’t letting them go to the bathroom 😭 but treated it like that was normal.
July 31, 2025
I haven’t seen a single episode of America’s Next Top Model, but pop culture memoirs are fascinating, and I love getting book recs from Sounds Like a Cult Pod. Hartshorne, a “plus-sized” contestant on ANTM: Cycle 9, speaks to her experience, specifically regarding the models’ treatment, and the incessant harassment about her size and where she fits.
September 19, 2025
Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I listened to this one on audio, narrated by Hartshorne herself, and while her tone and enthusiastic way of storytelling took a minute to get used to, I ended up adoring it. Her personality is a little quirky but endearing. It felt like listening to a friend.
I grew up watching America’s Next Top Model and even rewatched Sarah’s season before diving into this book so it would be fresh in my mind. After finishing, I actually started watching the rest of the series from the beginning and let me tell you, it’s a different experience as an adult. What once looked like glamorous, grown-up women now feels like watching very young, very vulnerable girls being pushed to their limits.
That’s where this memoir really hit me. Hartshorne’s honesty about production manipulation, especially the way they forced the issue of her weight, was both infuriating and deeply relatable. I’ve struggled with body image most of my life, and hearing her perspective now was healing in a way I wish I had access to back when I was younger, idolizing all the tall and thin and seemingly perfect contestants. Her words gave me a lot to reflect on as I continue rewatching the show, now with a sharper awareness of the reality behind the “reality.”
I loved her comparison of ANTM to a cult and the way she dissected how tightly controlled and manipulative the environment really was. It makes me hope more contestants speak out and share their own stories.
I listened to this one on audio, narrated by Hartshorne herself, and while her tone and enthusiastic way of storytelling took a minute to get used to, I ended up adoring it. Her personality is a little quirky but endearing. It felt like listening to a friend.
I grew up watching America’s Next Top Model and even rewatched Sarah’s season before diving into this book so it would be fresh in my mind. After finishing, I actually started watching the rest of the series from the beginning and let me tell you, it’s a different experience as an adult. What once looked like glamorous, grown-up women now feels like watching very young, very vulnerable girls being pushed to their limits.
That’s where this memoir really hit me. Hartshorne’s honesty about production manipulation, especially the way they forced the issue of her weight, was both infuriating and deeply relatable. I’ve struggled with body image most of my life, and hearing her perspective now was healing in a way I wish I had access to back when I was younger, idolizing all the tall and thin and seemingly perfect contestants. Her words gave me a lot to reflect on as I continue rewatching the show, now with a sharper awareness of the reality behind the “reality.”
I loved her comparison of ANTM to a cult and the way she dissected how tightly controlled and manipulative the environment really was. It makes me hope more contestants speak out and share their own stories.
March 7, 2025
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing a free ebook copy in exchange for an honest review. This book will be released July 8, 2025.
Ooo I was so excited when I got approved to read this one and let me tell you it did NOT disappoint!! JUICYYY.
I watched all of ANTM back in its day… you know before we all realized the issues and toxicity that the show had. I vaguely remembered Sarah and I definitely was ready for her to spill all the TEA. Oh, and tea was spilled but I also am happily surprised that while Sarah shared a look from behind the scenes and her experiences she was not malicious in any way just brutally honest about the conditions on the show.
You Wanna Be On Top? is a deliciously scandalous read in one sitting book. I’m still shocked at how these girls wellbeing was ignored (NOT BEING ALLOWED TO GO TO THE RESTROOM FOR STARTERS) and how vile certain judges were at times with their comments and criticisms.
Also, for me this book is very thought provoking. It’s left me with a lot of questions like I wonder how many shows are still being made under the same or similar or WORSE conditions than this? Do we not have laws and regulations for this? I have QUESTIONS and CONCERNS especially as reality tv shows are still highly successful today.
This book sure did not disappoint in any way and I absolutely recommend it!!
Ooo I was so excited when I got approved to read this one and let me tell you it did NOT disappoint!! JUICYYY.
I watched all of ANTM back in its day… you know before we all realized the issues and toxicity that the show had. I vaguely remembered Sarah and I definitely was ready for her to spill all the TEA. Oh, and tea was spilled but I also am happily surprised that while Sarah shared a look from behind the scenes and her experiences she was not malicious in any way just brutally honest about the conditions on the show.
You Wanna Be On Top? is a deliciously scandalous read in one sitting book. I’m still shocked at how these girls wellbeing was ignored (NOT BEING ALLOWED TO GO TO THE RESTROOM FOR STARTERS) and how vile certain judges were at times with their comments and criticisms.
Also, for me this book is very thought provoking. It’s left me with a lot of questions like I wonder how many shows are still being made under the same or similar or WORSE conditions than this? Do we not have laws and regulations for this? I have QUESTIONS and CONCERNS especially as reality tv shows are still highly successful today.
This book sure did not disappoint in any way and I absolutely recommend it!!
April 9, 2025
I remembered watch America's Next Top Model in high school, including Cycle 9, which Sarah Hartshorne was a contested on. In the memoir, she gives insight about the expectations of being on the show and the process of each challenge, shoot, and elimination rounds. Moreover, she goes into details with the behind the scenes information and ultimately, how the show exploited young women to be on the show at the attempts of becoming a famous model; poor working conditions with long hours, limited bathroom breaks and health scares; and the verbal abusive nature of the show's judges and producers.
I never read a book so fast to get more information about the show from a contestant perspective. I recommend the memoir for anyone who watched the show in the naught and 2010 decades.
TW: body image; eating disorders.
Thank you NetGalley & Crown Publishing for an ARC in exchange for an honest review. You Wanna Be on Top? publishes on July 7, 2025.
I never read a book so fast to get more information about the show from a contestant perspective. I recommend the memoir for anyone who watched the show in the naught and 2010 decades.
TW: body image; eating disorders.
Thank you NetGalley & Crown Publishing for an ARC in exchange for an honest review. You Wanna Be on Top? publishes on July 7, 2025.
June 16, 2025
Memoirs will always get 5⭐️ from me (who am I to judge someone’s life experience? 🤷🏼♀️) This was incredibly enlightening while also very hard to read at times, simply because no one wants to hear awful things about a show they loved watching. I knew it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows, but the tactics they used on the contestants were AWFUL. I feel terrible for Sarah and for every other contestant that had to suffer through that abuse. If I ever rewatch ANTM, I will be viewing it through a MUCH different lens. Thanks so much for sending me an ARC of this book!
July 20, 2025
OMG I was so looking forward to this book being a fan of such a toxic reality show. But it bored me to tears, and I skimmed at best to get through it. I don’t know if I wanted more dirt or more substance but just didn’t do it for me.
August 20, 2025
Respectfully, I honor Sarah’s experience, but this did not do it for me.
January 22, 2026
A fun memoir! I never watched America's Next Top Model and I suspect I would have gotten more out of this book if I had, but Hartshorne is very funny and her writing made me feel like I was there. I liked the chapter about her being bi the best (duh) and I wish her queerness was more integrated into the rest of the book, but I also see why it wasn't, since the focus is on her time on the show only. The last line, addressed to Tyra Banks, really slaps: "Thank-you. Pay me."
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September 19, 2025As an ANTM enthusiast, I loved this so much!!!
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