Can't Forgive: My 20-Year Battle with O.J. Simpson

by Kim Goldman

Don't tell her she needs to find closure. Don't ask her to forgive and forget.When Kim Goldman was just 22, her older brother, Ron, was brutally killed by O.J. Simpson-a horrifying event that led to one of the most public trials in American history. Ron and Kim were very close, and her devastation was compounded by the shocking not-guilty verdict that allowed a smirking Simpson to leave as a free man.Not only did Kim have to live with the painful knowledge that her brother's killer walked free, but she also struggled to keep her grief private from the media frenzy and outpouring of public opinion. Counseled by friends, strangers, and even Oprah to "find closure," Kim chose a different route.She chose to fight-not just for her brother and her family, but for others, as she found her calling working with victims' families in pursuit of justice and peace.From her parents' devastating divorce and a life-changing car accident to living life as one of America's most famous victims and dating as a single mother, Can't Forgive tells of an ordinary person thrown into extraordinary circumstances at a very young age who had the courage-despite the discouragement of so many-to ignore conventional wisdom and never give up her fight for justice.

Genres: True Crime, Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography Memoir, Crime, Autobiography

304 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 1, 2014

Reviews

[♥ Marlene♥ · Rating 3 out of 5]

What a weird book this was. Or is. I have never felt like reading anything about the killings of Nicole and Ron because I knew the killer had gotten free which I still find ridiculous.


This woman Ron's sister was someone I did not know but had heard about. She is not a woman that I can relate to. She is so different than myself it was sometimes hard to fathom.
That being said I read some tweets where people told her to get over it after she had posted Simpson's jail address but I understand her anger. She said something back there was not getting over it.

Yes it would be better for Kim to give her anger a place but how ca she heal when she still witnessed him doing all the things he loves, he as in the killer as she calls him another thing I do get.

Yes he is jail now but he was never punished for killing her beloved brother and for killing the mum of his children. I looked at some photos of him and that smirk he wears on so many photos. How hard that must have been for him. Plus that this was made into a racial matter did not help her heal. It was definitely not a racial matter because before that this guy was loved by the American public.
So yes I get that she is still not getting over "it"

What I did not get is how she is talking about how hard that one day where she says she is thinking of her brother and grieving but she WANTS to grief. She got angry when a date suggested maybe it was better to stop doing that. I do not have my kindle next to me so can't find my highlights but it does seem weird to tel your little son everything even where her dead brother was it by the knife.

The book jumped in time back and for and was not very well written but I stuck with it because she is so different than me because it made me curious)

[Debbie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kim Goldman has had a lot of obstacles in life. She had an unusually close relationship with her older brother because she had an absentee mom. Her dad was present and involved but had a new wife and family. She was disfigured in a horrible car accident as a teen. Then, her brother was killed in a senseless double murder. Since her brother's murderer was O.J. Simpson, she was forced to grieve and seek justice in the public eye. I'm sympathetic to Kim and her struggles. I think Kim's childbirth and dating experiences are written in too much detail for a reader who is not a friend or family member.

[Stephanie Dargusch Borders · Rating 2 out of 5]

I enjoyed this at first, until I realized that Goldman was just going to gloss over her brother'a murder and the subsequent trials. It was odd what she chose to include and what she didn't. For instance, we got a pretty detailed narrative of her dating life and the birth and raising of her son, but her divorce from her son's father is barely mentioned. There is no linear timeline to her memoir and she jumps back and forth from year to year and decade to decade with no rhyme or reason. Truly one of the worst memoirs I can remember reading but it has piqued my interest in the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman.

[Marsha · Rating 5 out of 5]

We tend to forget how violent crimes affect the families of the victims and Kim Goldman does a wonderful job of sharing how the death of her brother, whom she was very close to, affects her in her daily life.

I was very much obsessed with the O.J. Simpson murder trial in 1995. I was living in Los Angeles at the time, and it was a topic just about everyone had an opinion on. It was an interesting and powerful case that involved celebrity, wealthy, race and jealousy. I visited the site of the crime, where O.J. Simpson allegedly killed his ex-wife Nicole Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman by stabbing them to death. I was at Nicole Simpson’s condo, in the quiet upscale neighborhood of Brentwood, where there was yellow police tape roping off the area. It was a quiet night when I visited, late in the evening.

Kim Goldman was very close to her older brother, Ron. They were more than siblings. They were best friends. They both came from a broken home, where for a reason Kim still doesn’t really understand, when they were young, their mother walked away from her marriage and her children. Ron and Kim visited their mother when they young, but lived primarily with their father who subsequently gained full custody of the children.

Kim was lucky to have a very close relationship to her father, but it was hard for her to not have a close relationship with her mother, who would criticize her or yell at her. She made friendships with other females to give her the feminine support she needed. Although her father helped her to buy her first bra and explained to her about her first menstruate cycle, her female friends gave her other support that she needed from a woman’s touch.

Kim got married, had a son, and then a divorce, and presently lives as a single woman. She had some terrible losses in her life. She never really had a mother there for her, and she feels angry and cheated that her brother cannot be there for her either, but because of the sudden loss of his life due to violence. She has had friends, family and even strangers try to support her, but then again, others who don’t understand why she “cannot move on.” She has sought therapy and it has helped her a lot, but as Kim tells the readers many times in her book that although she does live her life, she can never really “move on” because she cannot get over her brother’s death and the fact that they can no longer share their lives together. She wishes her brother were still alive and that he was married and had children. She visualizes their families sharing time with her each other. Kim’s son Sam would have some cousins to play with and Kim and Ron would enjoy sharing stories of their joys, their sorrows and their problems together.

Kim is extremely open in her book and I was very moved by her story. She is a public figure because of the famous trial. People know about her huge disappointment and anger at the justice system for which O.J. Simpson was found not guilty for the murder of her brother and his ex-wife Nicole. She gloats that he did get jail time for armed robbery in trying to steal his memorabilia in Las Vegas. Since this book came out, O.J. Simpson has been released on parole, and of course we can only imagine what her feelings are about him being a free man once again. But despite all, Kim knows that she cannot bring her brother back and for that, it is hard to deal with most of all.

[David Andres · Rating 4 out of 5]

An autobiography dealing with the unfortunate circumstance of her brother being murdered. She writes about her daily struggles and past relationships. Throughout the book, she talks about her love and respect toward her father, her brother, and her child.

[Shelley Geiger · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rambling on

I gave this book only three stars because the author rambled on about the same thing. It felt like she didn't have too much else to say and needed to fill up pages.

[Andi Cook · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I saw the title “Can’t Forgive” by Kim Goldman, I thought… “well that makes sense, how could she forgive O.J.? He killed her brother.” I have followed the case closely over the years and read most of the perspectives of the case. I thought this would be a different perspective.

However, Kim wasn’t joking when she titled this book. It’s not just Simpson that she can’t forgive. It’s her mom, her exes, and oddly - Oprah.

The book is more about Kim’s life and the structure is hard to follow because the timeline is all over the place.

My heart goes out to the Goldman’s and I honestly can’t imagine what they went through with Ron’s murder and the very public trial. I wish her healing and peace as she continues her healing journey.

[Lisa Carlson · Rating 1 out of 5]

In June of 1994 the murders of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson permeated the news cycle and would continue to do so for some time. I remember it very well because my son was born 3 days prior and everywhere we went in the hospital it "was" the news story. It was a terrible crime and the end result for both families was appalling. The subsequent new stories, television shows etc would only add torment to the families; although, I have always felt the Brown's response was nothing like the Goldman's. Perhaps because they were rumored to be recipients of Simpson's money.

This book needed an excellent editor as it is all over the place. Italics and blue language only bring down the essence of the story and the storyteller. However, the more telling theme is one of complete bitterness. Her bitterness is a result of more than just her brother's murder. I hope she can realize her brother would want her to find peace and happiness, concentrate on being a great mom and let go of her obsession with Simpson. It took awhile but Simpson has proven karma does come back around to make up for what justice failed to do the first time.

[Ericka · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not good/not bad. From the title, I was expecting something more spiritual or philosophical about a how a person approaches healing when they don't believe in the religious or cultural concepts of forgiveness.
It is a personal memoir without much depth or organization. The value was probably in its being written, not necessarily in its being read.

[Amber · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is much more of a memoir than I was expecting. I thought it would focus almost entirely on the trial and what has happened since, mostly the pursuit of making OJ pay, but it's pretty much a traditional memoir. It covers the entire scope of her life from her childhood, through her relationships and becoming a mother, the murder, the trial and everything after. The thread throughout her story is how much she loved her brother and how she continues to be impacted by his death.

I feel for her, and I'm glad I read this. I would like to take a moment to say fuck OJ Simpson, Oprah, Michael Hahn, and Kim's birth mother. And I hope Kim learned how to date better dudes.

It was a little difficult to follow the timeline of this memoir and unless I spaced out it seems like the part where she talked about her divorce was deleted or she forgot to mention it, because I didn't realize she got a divorce until she mentioned being a single mother. Or maybe it was meant to be implied by that whole conversation about Bush and the Iraq war. Which was bonkers. What an asshole.

[Geoff Coons · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m hesitant to pile on the author who shared deep intimate thoughts, feelings and stories about her life. My issue is the reader was misled. The title of the book is Can’t Forgive; My Twenty-Year Battle with O.J. Simpson. In reality, Mister Simpson is a limited topic. He is the absent yet ever-mentally present antagonist.

Much of the book is filled with stories of her childhood with her beloved lost brother, her upbringing in a motherless home with her father, a variety of failed relationships, and her adventures in parenting. The arc of the narrative focuses on her grief and living her life through the aftermath of her brother’s murder. The timelines jump around illogically and some of the content feels repetitive and not necessarily compelling despite the author’s authenticity. At times, she coils in the infamy associated with her unfortunate public image, yet finds enough of an audience to write and sell a book.

I admit to having expected more reflections on the “trial of the century,” when in fact that was merely unfortunate mental scenery.

[Sheila DeBonis · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a little meandering. I'm glad Kim talks about some of the unhinged aftermath OJ did after being acquitted of the Brown/Goldman murders, like the Juiced prank show, If I Did It, etc, but the book is a little gushy and sentimental at times about her dad, brother, son, and former love interests. It stopped getting exciting after OJ's lawyer Yale discourages her from meeting with him at the prison in Nevada. The way it's written makes it sound like she was going to reject Yale's advice and meet OJ anyway, but that doesn't happen. She also mentions getting a letter from a friend of Nicole and OJ's children Sydney and Justin about how they view Ron as a hero who defended their mother, which was moving, but it's just kind of disconnected or connected through word of mouth to the book's subtitle, "battling OJ Simpson." The book is a little disorganized, and I think i perfered His Name is Ron better.

[Charlotte · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book is well written although there are several typos, it skips around and often feels disjointed, and discussions about boyfriends don't seem to fit. This book is about the author's life before vs after her brother's murder and acknowledging she's ok not forgiving the murderer. There is also insight into the pain she, and I imagine others, feel on the anniversary of their loved one's death. This part of the story was unexpected yet very much appreciated as it will undoubtedly help me be a better listener.

This author shares great pain and balances that with great exploration of positive relationships with her brother, father, son, extended family, and friends.

I would recommend to anyone struggling with forgiveness; you might find that accepting you can't forgive is your "closure."

[Becca Brandner · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maybe more of a 3.5 stars. I recently watched The People VS. OJ Simpson and became engulfed in the trial, Nicole Brown, OJ Simpson and Ron Goldman's stories. I was hoping this book had more to do with the trial and the Goldman's thoughts throughout the nine-month trial but it was a lot of information about Kim and her life, her love life, etc. Can't say I was very interested in that, it also jumped all over the place, back and forth it wasn't necessarily written very well but it gave an insight to her brother and a slight viewpoint on his and Nicole's death.

[Adam Kovynia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is a good book because readers can learn about Kim's life and not just form their own assumptions based on what they see in the media. It's good also for author's like her to write such a book as this one to express the truth of how they feel. I'm going to also read her other books as well.

[Angel Vandhana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellent employment book. Kim really opened herself up in his book. I highly recommend this book. It's one of the best books I've ever read. It really lets you into what kind of a person she is, her family is and Ronald Goldman was. It's very heartwarming. Do yourself a favor and read this book.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

The beautiful verse on Ron's gravestone:

Sometimes when we're alone and lost in thought
and all the world seems far away
you come to us as if in a dream
gently taking our hands and filling our hearts
with the warmth of your presence.

And we smile knowing that
although we cannot be together for now
you're always close in our thoughts.

[Theresa A. · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just okay.

The book started out interesting, but became very repetitive and drawn out. I understand the pain the family has gone through, but to drag it along for over 20 years is exhausting. I quickly flipped through the pages as it dragged out.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book, very well written and insightful. Kim does a great job writing and narrating it. I highly recommend.

[Sirena · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wrote to Ms. Goldman on Facebook and she actually wrote back. I told her I understood how she felt and her book was an inspiration.

[Melissa Coffman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. Heartbreaking story!

[Carol · Rating 2 out of 5]

Although I have NO doubt in my mind that O.J. Simpson killed both Ron and Nicole, I do think that Kim needs to accept the fact that the justice system let her and her family down and she needs, for her own sake, to just accept it and move on. It has been 20 years! OJ is in prison, old, arthritic and shamed. The majority of people agree he got away with murder due to a corrupt jury, a corrupt judge, bad police work and too many
People with their hands outstretched looking for a payout.

I know the Goldman's won a civil judgement, but time to give up on it. Ron is not coming back. He died because he was in the wrong place with the wrong person at the exact wrong time. Trying to squeeze money out of OJ is not going to change that and it makes you and your family look like you are just trying to profit off of Ron’s death.

Kim comes off as a shrew. Whining and playing the Poor Me I lost my Brother card way too much. Yes! You lost your brother! Yes! OJ did it.... But he got away with it. A jury let him off. A Civil Trial really means very little except vindication that the original jury did not do their job. No surprise there, when one of them gives OJ and the Scream Team the Black Power sign after the verdict! Believe me... I was devastated by the verdict, too, but I was not in the least surprised. That jury had made up their minds before the trial started.

Kim.... I am not telling you to Forgive. I think if you did you could heal, but it is time to move on. You are letting this eat you up. OJ is in prison. He may creak out before he dies, but he is poison. No one believes him or will touch him. If he tries to do a paid interview, the money will go between your family and the Brown Family.

You say you think of his kids.... You don't. If you did you would not call their Father The Killer. I don't know what they think of OJ, but they seem like bright kids and I think they already know the truth. This book only hurts them more, so you are only making yourself look bad.

You said you wanted your Dad to
stop working 12 hour days, for you, as a single Mom, to provide for your son. Do it like the rest of us. Work for it. Don't use your dead brother's legacy to base your child or any other children's future on it.

I hate that Ron died. I hate that that jury, who was not fit to even be seated, let OJ walk away. It was not right. But it was the way it was going to be from Day One.

Kim.... Light a candle, say a prayer and learn to Move Ahead. Forget trying to Make Money off your dead brother. Although it does not sink you to OJ's level, it does portray you as greedy and money hungry. You are getting LESS sympathy from this. The Brown Family stays out the limelight, you need to do the same. I did not, and I would not pay for your book. Please let your brother Rest in Peace and you are going to scar your child for life by dragging him into all of this. Let him have his childhood free from the gory story of his dead uncle’s murder. That is just too much to put on a child.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not at all what I was expecting, but not a bad read. It was much less about her battle with Simpson (as advertised on the cover) than I thought it would be, but it was an interesting look into Kim Goldman's thoughts and feelings, and certainly it was brave of her to share them so candidly. At times I almost felt as though I were reading her therapy journal and witnessing her work through some of the trauma from her past. It sometimes had a rambling, stream-of-consciousness feel. It seemed pretty disorganized (it's not told in a chronological way, but leaps back and forth through time and memory, and the frequent switches between past and present tense could be considered distracting). Still, if you - like me - remember her vividly from that long-ago tragedy and ensuing circus of a murder trial, it's an intimate and insightful look into the life of Kim Goldman.
But if you're looking to learn more about Ron Goldman or the Goldman family's perspective of the Simpson trial, I recommend His Name is Ron, which the family released many years ago.

[Robert · Rating 3 out of 5]

Story is great, but editing is only fair. There's enough talk about the tragic things that happened to Kim and Ron that you forget the purpose of the story, and yet I don't blame her. In her shoes I would have spouted and rambled ten times that - except no one would want to read it.

Otherwise I agree. OJ should have been convicted, Judge Ito couldn't organize a hot dog roast, and I hope Johnnie Cochran was assigned his own personal taunter in Hell. Everyone who shouted at the Goldmans are delusionals with nothing better to do, and they need to shut up and get to work. The emotions came through, and the reader will feel them.

For everyone who got pious and told her to move on, try walking a mile in her moccasins and then understand that not following up is why so many have had the ability to trash personal rights in this country.

The Goldmans were right to fight OJ every way they could, and Kim should have her say. She did the right thing in spite of the tide against her. It doesn't make her Shakespeare, though.

[Keri · Rating 2 out of 5]

I expected more from this—I’ve always been interested in the OJ Simpson trial story, so I was excited to see a take from Kim’s side. Unfortunately, this just jumped around too much for me, and there was hardly anything about the whole trial. The effects on her and her family were interesting and very long lasting, as one would expect.

The main problem I had was the jumping back and forth in time with no warning, it made the whole book seem kind of disorganized. And also there were things she’d mention a lot but then not talk about at all, like her ex husband. She talked a lot about him and I’ll used to things but completely skipped over whole sections of things. It just felt very disjointed overall.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

Compelling book by a surviving family member of a celebrity murderer. Mostly enjoyable and interesting. Until the last few chapters the book was paced well. She did not spend too much time on the trial. She shared interesting and often tragic events of her life. She was respectful of her son in not going into depth about the soap opera with his father. The last few chapters could have been left out. They were a bit stream of consciousness introspection that started to meander and detract from the rest of the book. They seemed to be there because some editor/publisher required the word count. Not a must read, but a nice read.

[Jami Dutcher · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book. I surprised myself. I wasn't a huge fan of the Goldman's before I read this book but it gave me a whole different perspective. I found myself admiring both Kim and her Father. Story was a little disjointed and flipped back and forth in time. I wish the story had flowed more in order but all was revealed by the end of the book. It was a fast read. I found that I had a hard time putting it down which I also didn't expect. I highly recommend this book.

[Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've always felt a kind of kinship to Kim Goldman as we both lost our brothers (obviously in very different ways). So a lot of the grief feelings she talks about ....I found myself nodding my head along with. I thought it was a good book that talks about her life now and how the loss of her brother obviously still impacts her every day. Personally, I can't imagine the loss of a sibling along with all the publicity and notoriety of the case. She is a very strong woman.

[Gloria · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was disappointed thought their would be more information on her, OJ in prison etc. One minute she was saying in her book that she was going to see OJ and the next she's describing past relationships. I got a little lost in the book. If she was going to go in such detail about her personal life after OJ name she should have omitted OJ name from the book.

[Jackie Ringgenberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a Court TV "junkie" I watched the OJ trial in it's entirety. I can't even imagine what Kim must have endured during the ordeal. She will never be able to forget the brutality of her brother's murder at the hands of OJ Simpson. However, I do hope someday she will be able to forgive, not for OJ's sake but for her own healing.