Recovery is my best revenge: My experience of trauma, abuse and dissociative identity disorder

by Carolyn Spring

What is it like to live with Dissociative Identity Disorder? In this first volume of her collected essays, Carolyn Spring writes candidly from a number of perspectives about her experiences of living with trauma-related dissociation. 'Memories of Mummy' is an evocative piece told mainly through the eyes of a child; 'Rediscovering Eden' is raw and disturbing; 'Dissociative Moments' is a profound insight into the experience of dissociation. This volume covers topics such as shame, child sexual abuse, and the complex meanings of 'madness', but finishes with a determined vision of recovery and the journey towards it.

Carolyn Spring is a writer as well as being Director of PODS (Positive Outcomes for Dissociative Survivors) and its charity framework START (Survivors Trauma and Abuse Recovery Trust). PODS works to make recovery from dissociative disorders a reality through training, informing and supporting, and is run by Carolyn and her husband, Rob, who is Director of Client Services as well as being a qualified psychotherapist. Carolyn is Editor of 'Multiple Parts', a magazine/journal produced three times a year for PODS, and also spends a large proportion of her time training at PODS' many events throughout the UK. She developed Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) as a result of prolonged and extreme childhood abuse but believes passionately in recovery and the dignity and respect that is due to all human beings, but especially those who have been abused as children.

Genres: Nonfiction, Mental Health, Psychology, Memoir

66 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 2, 2014

About the author

Author and trainer on complex trauma and dissociation including Dissociative Identity Disorder. Formerly director of Positive Outcomes for Dissociative Survivors.

Reviews

[Issadora · Rating 5 out of 5]

All trauma survivors

I really appreciated the authors short essays on her experiences with DID. What was really surprising is that without having DID but have C-ptsd with mostly dissociative symptoms... there was a great deal of familiar situations like body memories... shame.. guilt.... bits of memory leaking in... and just soooo much that I uploaded many screenshots I found so relatable. It’s nice to not feel alone even though equally sad to not be alone. I long for more of the authors journey. She is a talented writer and I read so much straight through. When I had to stop, I couldn’t wait to return and actually sad it’s over!

[Bookish · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book - not a sequential autobiography but a set of separate experiences, each of which reflect on the author's past (or past and present combined).

If you want to know what life with Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly Multiple Personality Disorder) is like, or how it can develop then read this book!

I read a lot of autobiographies and biographies and this one is outstanding. It's not going to give you all the "answers" and will leave you wondering about some of the details, such as who does "him" refer to? It's a very positive book despite the difficult emotions and I think it will appeal to anyone who likes books of this genre, as well as those entering or working in the field of psychology.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is really important because it is a genuine portrayal of living with dissociative identity disorder (DID). It is a courageous thing to have written and published, given how traumatic Carolyn Spring's past was. Personally, I found some of the material quite triggering, so it wasn't enjoyable for me to read. It's also quite disjointed - a real reflection of how it is to live with DID - but this made it quite difficult for me to keep reading. At the same time, I wouldn't want to put people off reading it to learn more about DID. I think it would be of huge value to therapists new to working with clients who dissociate.

[Rob · Rating 4 out of 5]

Picked this up after a tough therapy session where I left feeling like a freak and all alone. Very helpful essays at least to me as it was stunning to see myself so well represented in someone else's life. She has a way of writing that rings very true if you have DID and it helped me understand this totally rational act to an irrational life "illness" better. Helped me step towards acceptance a little bit.

[Arantza · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honest and touching biography

Raw account of her story of abuse - heartbreaking to read all she went through... but what an amazing recovery journey for her. A book full of hopes for people struggling with trauma/DID

[Tea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recommend

Recommend to read. Great for those with interest in mental health conditions and the ways other people learn to cope

[Paula · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book, Carolyn is quite a remarkable lady!

[Elaine · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for anyone who has experienced extensive childhood trauma, and anyone who cares about someone who has experienced extensive childhood trauma.

[Sandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a precious book both for working with clients but also on a personal level. Carolyn writes about hope, about being a good enough counsellor, about trauma and it's effect on the brain. She writes about ghastly glimpses of people who disregard the damage they effected on an innocent child.
It's not easy to read in parts but she calmly brings the reader through. I will refer often to this book both in my work as a counsellor but also because I need to remind myself it is possible to heal from abuse and that it will not triumph in my life or in those of my clients.

[Sophie Carpenter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Harrowing yet inspirational