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Second Self: The tender new novel from the author of WET PAINT
When Cathy and Noah first got together neither saw children in their future. Eight years later, they're happily married - and Cathy isn't so sure. With Noah's patience for his wife's ambivalence waning, her widowed mother in a world of her own and her best friend yearning for a second baby, Cathy feels increasingly adrift.
Escaping into her work in the conservation studios of the National Gallery, she chips away at the layers of overpaint on a canvas from the collection. Will the discovery of an unexpected truth help her find the clarity she craves?
SECOND SELF is a novel about confronting expectations, and learning to cope with the nagging, complex questions that shape a life. It's about minds and bodies at the mercy of natural forces and social pressure. Above all, it's an ode to big decisions, small, tender moments, and how we choose to be. This absorbing second novel from the author of WET PAINT is perfect for fans of EXPECTATION and SORROW AND BLISS.
Escaping into her work in the conservation studios of the National Gallery, she chips away at the layers of overpaint on a canvas from the collection. Will the discovery of an unexpected truth help her find the clarity she craves?
SECOND SELF is a novel about confronting expectations, and learning to cope with the nagging, complex questions that shape a life. It's about minds and bodies at the mercy of natural forces and social pressure. Above all, it's an ode to big decisions, small, tender moments, and how we choose to be. This absorbing second novel from the author of WET PAINT is perfect for fans of EXPECTATION and SORROW AND BLISS.
320 pages, Paperback
First published July 6, 2023
About the author
Chloë Ashby
6 books66 followersChloë Ashby is an author and award-winning arts critic.
She is the author of three acclaimed novels: Wet Paint (2022), Second Self (2023), and Family Friends (2026).
She writes and reviews for publications including The Times, the Guardian, Harper’s Bazaar, and the TLS. She regularly interviews artists and writers, and has written a Guardian column on the delights and dangers of introducing small children to art.
She is also the author of two non-fiction books on art history: Look At This If You Love Great Art (2021); and Colours of Art: The Story of Art in 80 Palettes (2022), a Times best book of 2022.
She is the author of three acclaimed novels: Wet Paint (2022), Second Self (2023), and Family Friends (2026).
She writes and reviews for publications including The Times, the Guardian, Harper’s Bazaar, and the TLS. She regularly interviews artists and writers, and has written a Guardian column on the delights and dangers of introducing small children to art.
She is also the author of two non-fiction books on art history: Look At This If You Love Great Art (2021); and Colours of Art: The Story of Art in 80 Palettes (2022), a Times best book of 2022.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews
September 29, 2023
When I read the description of Second Self online, I really thought I would like reading the actual book - but unfortunately, for me, it fell flat. It’s an exploration of identity, the question of parenthood, the complexities of relationships & marriages, and there’s even a little bit of art history. But I just found the whole thing far too morose and mundane, and I couldn’t connect with the narrator. Which is such a shame because most of the writing is brilliant and I could see what Ashby was trying to do and achieve with this novel, and it has received a lot of high praise, but it wasn’t quite right for me. It all fell a bit flat. But still an interesting and thoughtful book that I’m sure a lot of people will love.
July 23, 2023
A gorgeous novel by a gorgeous writer that pulled me straight out of my ongoing slow reading/slump-ish ways of late - pretty much read majority of it in one sitting!
Our story follows Cathy, an art conservationist, 35 year old woman living in London with her husband Noah. At the core of this story, we explore the theme of motherhood in various ways - as many women approach the age at which biologically we have to consider if not wanting children is 100% accurate and what does it mean if your partner doesn’t want children? How does one navigate this? Also, witnessing how a parent ages, how small moments and changes in behaviour may reflect a bigger underlying change and how does that impact your life?
I absolutely loved the way Ashby explored these questions, as a woman in my 30’s fast approaching *that* age - this novel resonated with me on so many levels. Story aside, Ashby’s writing is so beautiful, layered and rich - offering the reader so much.
In short, I loved this novel so very much and highly recommend it.
Our story follows Cathy, an art conservationist, 35 year old woman living in London with her husband Noah. At the core of this story, we explore the theme of motherhood in various ways - as many women approach the age at which biologically we have to consider if not wanting children is 100% accurate and what does it mean if your partner doesn’t want children? How does one navigate this? Also, witnessing how a parent ages, how small moments and changes in behaviour may reflect a bigger underlying change and how does that impact your life?
I absolutely loved the way Ashby explored these questions, as a woman in my 30’s fast approaching *that* age - this novel resonated with me on so many levels. Story aside, Ashby’s writing is so beautiful, layered and rich - offering the reader so much.
In short, I loved this novel so very much and highly recommend it.
July 17, 2023
Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
💬 "For a while, we both lay there on either side of the bed. Together but apart. Not touching. A stalemate.”
💬 “My body may not be functioning as intended - but as intended by whom? I'd never subscribed to the notion that women have a biological instinct to have children, and standing in the studio in the dark, I experienced a moment of clarity: even if I did, it wouldn't make a difference. What mattered was that Noah and I had made a promise to one another. Like Hendrick, we had original intentions, and I had to respect that.”
💭 Second Self is Chloë Ashby’s second novel. It's tender and thought-provoking; an utterly absorbing read. I highly recommend picking this one up.
The novel follows Cathy and Noah who have been happily married for eight years but who always seem to face the same question from their friends and family: when are you going to start your own family? As if they can’t be a family without a baby. Until now neither of them ever saw children in their future, but recently Cathy isn’t so sure - perhaps she shouldn’t rule it out, maybe she shouldn’t limit her options?
I loved this book - especially how thought-provoking it way, deeply introspective to its core. At times I felt as if Cathy was floating away from, or perhaps above, it all - trying to find clarity. Cathy questions and questions her own thoughts - why does she think this? Does she actually think it, or was she just another victim of social expectations?
Just like in Wet Paint, Chloë seamlessly weaves art into her story - Cathy’s job mirroring her own life. As she uncovers and learns about the painting she is working on, she tries to do the same in her personal life, attempting to discover who she wants to be.
Very much a slice of life story, Second Self leaves us in the unknown. We never know what decision Cathy makes and although I’m desperate to know, I also like this - it reserves judgment either way.
Overall this was a tender read with many interesting themes and ideas explored. I recommend it to anyone who is looking for a quieter, more introspective read.
💬 "For a while, we both lay there on either side of the bed. Together but apart. Not touching. A stalemate.”
💬 “My body may not be functioning as intended - but as intended by whom? I'd never subscribed to the notion that women have a biological instinct to have children, and standing in the studio in the dark, I experienced a moment of clarity: even if I did, it wouldn't make a difference. What mattered was that Noah and I had made a promise to one another. Like Hendrick, we had original intentions, and I had to respect that.”
💭 Second Self is Chloë Ashby’s second novel. It's tender and thought-provoking; an utterly absorbing read. I highly recommend picking this one up.
The novel follows Cathy and Noah who have been happily married for eight years but who always seem to face the same question from their friends and family: when are you going to start your own family? As if they can’t be a family without a baby. Until now neither of them ever saw children in their future, but recently Cathy isn’t so sure - perhaps she shouldn’t rule it out, maybe she shouldn’t limit her options?
I loved this book - especially how thought-provoking it way, deeply introspective to its core. At times I felt as if Cathy was floating away from, or perhaps above, it all - trying to find clarity. Cathy questions and questions her own thoughts - why does she think this? Does she actually think it, or was she just another victim of social expectations?
Just like in Wet Paint, Chloë seamlessly weaves art into her story - Cathy’s job mirroring her own life. As she uncovers and learns about the painting she is working on, she tries to do the same in her personal life, attempting to discover who she wants to be.
Very much a slice of life story, Second Self leaves us in the unknown. We never know what decision Cathy makes and although I’m desperate to know, I also like this - it reserves judgment either way.
Overall this was a tender read with many interesting themes and ideas explored. I recommend it to anyone who is looking for a quieter, more introspective read.
July 13, 2024
Moja nowa ulubiona powieść. Już za nią tęsknie.
W "Second Self" poznajemy Cathy, trzydziestokilkuletnią konserwatorkę sztuki, od 8 lat żyjącą w szczęśliwym małżeństwie, w którym od samego początku para świadomie zdecydowała się bezdzietność. Jednak pod wpływem różnych sytuacji życiowych, od lat powtarzanych i słyszanych tez, obserwowanych schematów społecznych i coraz silniej wiercących w głowie wątpliwości Cathy zaczyna się zastanawiać - a może jednak?
Niesamowicie wnikliwa i progresyjna jest to powieść. W bardzo wrażliwy sposób pokazuje, jak własny umysł w rosnącym tempie może zacząć generować niepewności, podważać dotychczasowy światopogląd, machinalnie wytwarzać presję decyzji. A ta w kontekście płodności i macierzyństwa jest w przypadku kobiet (w porównaniu z mężczyznami) niewspółmiernie bardziej zależna przede wszystkim od wieku, przez co konieczność podjęcia decyzji staje się bardziej pospieszna, ale także silnie utrwalonej obecność koncepcji macierzyństwa w przestrzeni społecznej.
Podoba mi się uważność i dociekliwość, z jaką Chloë Ashby przedstawia ambiwalencje myślowe towarzyszące Cathy. Wieloaspektowość jej niepewności, które w obliczu podupadającej na zdrowiu matki, ekscytującego odkrycia zawodowego i trudności związanych z drugą ciążą przyjaciółki pogłębiają jej zagubienie. I podoba mi się cała droga, jaką przechodzi Cathy mierząc się z tym zagubieniem.
To taka "moja" powieść. W moim typie narracji, z moim typem bohaterki, z moim typem fabuły, z moimi problemami i z moimi refleksjami. Debiut Chloë Ashby "Wet Paint" bardzo mi się podobał, ale "Second Self" mnie zachwyciło na wszystkich poziomach i trafiło do ulubionych książek ever. Jeszcze jedna taka książka i będę mogła nazwać Chloë Ashby jedną ze swoich ukochanych autorek.
W "Second Self" poznajemy Cathy, trzydziestokilkuletnią konserwatorkę sztuki, od 8 lat żyjącą w szczęśliwym małżeństwie, w którym od samego początku para świadomie zdecydowała się bezdzietność. Jednak pod wpływem różnych sytuacji życiowych, od lat powtarzanych i słyszanych tez, obserwowanych schematów społecznych i coraz silniej wiercących w głowie wątpliwości Cathy zaczyna się zastanawiać - a może jednak?
Niesamowicie wnikliwa i progresyjna jest to powieść. W bardzo wrażliwy sposób pokazuje, jak własny umysł w rosnącym tempie może zacząć generować niepewności, podważać dotychczasowy światopogląd, machinalnie wytwarzać presję decyzji. A ta w kontekście płodności i macierzyństwa jest w przypadku kobiet (w porównaniu z mężczyznami) niewspółmiernie bardziej zależna przede wszystkim od wieku, przez co konieczność podjęcia decyzji staje się bardziej pospieszna, ale także silnie utrwalonej obecność koncepcji macierzyństwa w przestrzeni społecznej.
Podoba mi się uważność i dociekliwość, z jaką Chloë Ashby przedstawia ambiwalencje myślowe towarzyszące Cathy. Wieloaspektowość jej niepewności, które w obliczu podupadającej na zdrowiu matki, ekscytującego odkrycia zawodowego i trudności związanych z drugą ciążą przyjaciółki pogłębiają jej zagubienie. I podoba mi się cała droga, jaką przechodzi Cathy mierząc się z tym zagubieniem.
To taka "moja" powieść. W moim typie narracji, z moim typem bohaterki, z moim typem fabuły, z moimi problemami i z moimi refleksjami. Debiut Chloë Ashby "Wet Paint" bardzo mi się podobał, ale "Second Self" mnie zachwyciło na wszystkich poziomach i trafiło do ulubionych książek ever. Jeszcze jedna taka książka i będę mogła nazwać Chloë Ashby jedną ze swoich ukochanych autorek.
August 22, 2023
A wonderfully thought out novel, I was initialled drawn to the characters role as an Art conservationist, and also the theme of fertility, and the impact that societies expectations has on women’s bodies.
The exploration of Cathy’s situation is unusual and yet an age old question; does biology dictate our decision to have children. Accompanied to this theme of fertility is the all consuming and inevitably of death. Her mother’s health is beginning to deteriorate and this aligns with both the thematic aspect of the artwork she is uncovering as well as the ticking of her own biological clock.
The impact of these thoughts, long swallowed down for the sake of her marriage brings to light some of the sacrifices people make in relationships. A really thought provoking novel with a very touching social commentary on women’s issues and sense of place. Questioning one’s sense of self is very much tied up in the female consciousness interlinked with the idea of motherhood. Generally on the whole this is not the same expectation that society has of out male counterparts. The topic of “selfishness” is pivotal in so many aspects of Cathy’s story.
https://www.spectator.co.uk/wp-conten...
The exploration of Cathy’s situation is unusual and yet an age old question; does biology dictate our decision to have children. Accompanied to this theme of fertility is the all consuming and inevitably of death. Her mother’s health is beginning to deteriorate and this aligns with both the thematic aspect of the artwork she is uncovering as well as the ticking of her own biological clock.
The impact of these thoughts, long swallowed down for the sake of her marriage brings to light some of the sacrifices people make in relationships. A really thought provoking novel with a very touching social commentary on women’s issues and sense of place. Questioning one’s sense of self is very much tied up in the female consciousness interlinked with the idea of motherhood. Generally on the whole this is not the same expectation that society has of out male counterparts. The topic of “selfishness” is pivotal in so many aspects of Cathy’s story.
https://www.spectator.co.uk/wp-conten...
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 30, 2023
Strong start with strong themes but it kind of petered off and had an underwhelming ark. Also dick move not saying what the character decides at the end. I get that it's implied but the lack of explicit description of their thought process at the end does not match the style of the rest of the book and means people reading this who actually wanted help figuring things out wouldn't have got it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 27, 2024
I normally don't write reviews but just had to for this one! I picked up this book while visiting London, when I saw it in the bookstore I just had a feeling I had to get it. This book spoke to me in many ways and I can relate to contemplating the future, motherhood, and what that could mean in somebody's life. It also addresses the complexity of friendships and family dynamics into adulthood. The writing was so beautiful and relatable, in a way you can picture yourself living in the story.
I also loved the nods to everyday life in London. Having just visited it was cool to be able to picture the scenery so clearly.
Definitely an amazing read, and one of my favorite books I've read so far this year.
I also loved the nods to everyday life in London. Having just visited it was cool to be able to picture the scenery so clearly.
Definitely an amazing read, and one of my favorite books I've read so far this year.
July 4, 2026
4.25 stars 💫
This was such a wonderful read with lots of poignant discussions surrounding motherhood, women in modern society, art, and selfhood. Extremely thought provoking!
Full review coming asap!
Putting some thoughts together, be right back🫶
This was such a wonderful read with lots of poignant discussions surrounding motherhood, women in modern society, art, and selfhood. Extremely thought provoking!
Full review coming asap!
Putting some thoughts together, be right back🫶
April 2, 2025
a gentle, contemplative journey through a year in the narrator’s life. as she restores an old painting at her job in the national gallery, she processes her feelings on motherhood, and all the changes happening in her life. beautiful!
i will note that i don’t like this casual pro restrictive eating/fatphobic narrative present in a lot of modern lit fic: i forgot to have lunch; ate a tiny meal; the man in the seat next to me on the plane spilled over . all comments which were superfluous to the plot
i will note that i don’t like this casual pro restrictive eating/fatphobic narrative present in a lot of modern lit fic: i forgot to have lunch; ate a tiny meal; the man in the seat next to me on the plane spilled over . all comments which were superfluous to the plot
July 16, 2023
My body may not be functioning as intended - but as intended by whom? I'd never subscribed to the notion that women have a biological instinct to have children, and standing in the studio in the dark, I experienced a moment of clarity: even if I did, it wouldn't make a difference. What mattered was that Noah and I had made a promise to one another. Like Hendrick, we had original intentions, and I had to respect that.
Second Self is a slice of life story. At its center is Cathy - an art conservationist, who is married to Noah, and is the daughter of Janey. This novel features her grappling with her and Noah's decision to never have kids and her mother's deteriorating health, caused by dementia.
I adored Ashby's first book, Wet Paint, and I did enjoy this, but to a lesser extent. Part of that is a me problem - the subject matter was just less appealing - but I also felt like the execution could have been a little bit better. Cathy's husband, Noah, is the main force behind her decision to not have children. The novel shows Cathy doubting her decision to not have children - she ends up making the decision to freeze her eggs - the doubt was well handled. However, her final decision felt a bit abrupt. I also wish there was more insight into Cathy's opinion on children prior to Noah... It presented a bit of a feminist conundrum. Does Cathy genuinely not want to have kids or does she just not want them because of Noah? That question was never really answered. Don't get me wrong, all choices are valid, and, ultimately, she makes the choice she believes is best for her. That in itself is feminist; but I wanted more in terms of the final decision. Chloë Ashby is excellent at show vs. tell, as she showed with Wet Paint, but I felt like she could have done more of both of those at the novel's conclusion.
Rating: 3.75 / 5
July 9, 2025
Honestly? I was frustrated. I kept reading - despite not fully clicking with the writing style or the protagonist’s voice - because I was curious to see how her dilemma would unfold. But the ending left me feeling short-changed. I don’t think every story needs a neat resolution, but the epilogue here felt so vague it bordered on unsatisfying.
September 21, 2023
Took me a while to get into this one and it's definitely not as good as her debut, but it was still an interesting delve into motherhood, social expectations and grief (in it's less obvious forms). Thematically, really appreciated this but I found it struggled to hold my attention at times. I will definitely still check out her next novel if she publishes another though.
September 13, 2024
I think at least 95% of the reason I bought this book was because the main character is an art historian 😂 And I did love that - the slow uncovering of the painting in the novel was super interesting, although it’s not the main focus. Not sure I would have picked it up without that though, and I’m glad I did! I think this is a book exploring a really interesting and important topic which doesn’t really get much attention - questioning life choices and compromises in relationships, and challenging societal expectations on women needing to have children. I liked the challenging of expectations, exploring life as complicated and able to have value in many diverse ways - this is what good literary fiction should do - and it was absorbing at the same time - I read this in literally two evenings. I found the characters weirdly relatable because they kept doing things like listening to jazz while making risotto, or drinking wine and then going to visit the Uffizi - all weirdly familiar with my life 🤣 BUT a big chunk of the book is overwhelmingly focused on the question of reproduction, so you’ve got to be prepared for that being the main topic being explored. I can’t believe this book has so few reviews - I’d absolutely read more books by this author.
October 13, 2024
this book brought me right up and out of my summer reading slump ! i can’t remember the last time i was so ENGROSSED in a book like this, i didn’t want to put it down and when i did all i could think about was when i would get to read it again? i hate reading on the bus but for this book i simply had to. it’s a beautiful thing for an author to make a reader feel transported from their life to the world of the book
June 1, 2024
Genuinely looked forward to the commute to be able to read this but ended v abruptly which I didn’t like
August 2, 2024
3.5⭐️ I think. It’s a thoughtful novel but wraps up a bit neatly at the end
January 2, 2025
I found it an emotional read. It was interesting to read about a woman who wasn't sure about motherhood and the journey she went on to figure it out. It was inspiring.
April 22, 2024
This novel about a couple where the woman changes her mind about not having children is not the type of book I'd normally read but the characters are so well fleshed out that I read it in almost one sitting. It's testament to the author's writing skill that she still managed to keep me gripped.
September 24, 2025
Liked the themes this book explored but didn’t feel much of a connection to character. Liked the ending. Anything set in London has a special place in my heart!
May 29, 2025
A slice of life read about contemplating motherhood, adult parent relationships, and the fearfulness of getting older. I loved her novel “Wet Paint” but this fell a bit flat for me, and I was hoping to learn something or feel better about the characters or situation in the end but didn't. It left me feeling anxious and stressed - but if you like “all vibes” books that give you this feeling, it's perfect for you!
June 20, 2025
Une déflagration.
Je ne connaissais pas l'autrice, le synopsis était intéressant sans m'attirer irrésistiblement, pourtant j'ai pris une énorme claque. Le rythme est excellent, suffisamment lent pour donner corps aux personnages, et donner l'impression que Cathy est réelle, qu'elle est juste la, à portée de main, et que son tableau n'attend que nous. Les sujets abordés sont brillamment menés, avec justesse, sans pathos inutile. L'autrice laisse à ses lecteur·ices la possibilité de s'investir ou non dans les thèmes difficiles qu'elle traite, avec beaucoup de pudeur et d'honnêteté.
Cathy va rester dans mes pensées pendant quelques temps, je crois.
Je ne connaissais pas l'autrice, le synopsis était intéressant sans m'attirer irrésistiblement, pourtant j'ai pris une énorme claque. Le rythme est excellent, suffisamment lent pour donner corps aux personnages, et donner l'impression que Cathy est réelle, qu'elle est juste la, à portée de main, et que son tableau n'attend que nous. Les sujets abordés sont brillamment menés, avec justesse, sans pathos inutile. L'autrice laisse à ses lecteur·ices la possibilité de s'investir ou non dans les thèmes difficiles qu'elle traite, avec beaucoup de pudeur et d'honnêteté.
Cathy va rester dans mes pensées pendant quelques temps, je crois.
June 8, 2024
3.5
I read this over a month ago so of course I can barely remember it now.
I think I found it interesting and well-written, but wasn’t mad about the sections about cleaning the painting.
The questions it explores about motherhood are interesting.
It could have used a bit more humour. It was so navel-gazing that I thought it was autobiographical at first.
But, overall not a bad read! I think …
I read this over a month ago so of course I can barely remember it now.
I think I found it interesting and well-written, but wasn’t mad about the sections about cleaning the painting.
The questions it explores about motherhood are interesting.
It could have used a bit more humour. It was so navel-gazing that I thought it was autobiographical at first.
But, overall not a bad read! I think …
September 6, 2023
I really loved this. Besides being so well written, it didn’t labour the thought process and back and forth of making such a huge life decision when you come to a crossroad.
I loved the characters too, and I found myself rooting for the couple very, very much. As someone who as tossed up whether children were or were not in my future, I felt a really strong affinity to the questions and processes Cathy went through to find her truth. The ultimate relationship was the one she had with herself, the bravery she showed in finding out what was right for her and allowing herself to go through all of the steps no matter how hard it was .
Loved this very much!
I loved the characters too, and I found myself rooting for the couple very, very much. As someone who as tossed up whether children were or were not in my future, I felt a really strong affinity to the questions and processes Cathy went through to find her truth. The ultimate relationship was the one she had with herself, the bravery she showed in finding out what was right for her and allowing herself to go through all of the steps no matter how hard it was .
Loved this very much!
September 16, 2024
I enjoyed this book. I found it sad, but that says far more about my life choices than the book itself.
And I'm going this week to see the painting in the Fitzwilliam in Cambridge!
And I'm going this week to see the painting in the Fitzwilliam in Cambridge!
October 1, 2024
This is a wonderful novel on understanding choice, regret and acceptance, and that all of these can co-exist in a life. Focused around the character of 30-something Cathy, we meet her as she begins art conservation work on a Dutch Golden Age painting - uncovering its layers to find the artist's hidden story underneath. Likewise, we go on a journey with Cathy to peel back the layers of her own life and the feelings she hides inside.
Cathy's husband, Noah, was in a previous marriage and lost a baby - ever since, he's been adamantly childfree. Having been happy up until now with this clear agreement, something changes within Cathy and she confronts the idea that she maybe does want a baby. The ensuing dilemma is incredibly relatable for women in the grey area of maternal ambivalence - the desire for motherhood isn't all consuming, but there isn't a clear cut "no" that sidesteps it altogether. Highlighting it further, Cathy's indecision is set against her best friend, Anna, who knows that motherhood is absolutely her path and struggles to have a second child. But Cathy's marriage depends on her coming to a final decision - as, whilst trying to be supportive, nothing has changed for Noah.
Like many women in her position, Cathy turns to egg freezing. This keeps her options open for a future point when she feels ready, but it'll also mean not living fully in the present. There is a myth that egg freezing buys time - when in reality life just goes into stasis and, tragically, destroys that saved time if it doesn't work. Whereas, we can learn to live around a firm decision, one that has no going back, as you can then only be within that life. Ambivalence is neither one thing nor the other, and it's a burden for many women in their 30s or 40s - with time rocketing past too quickly and fertility slowing to a standstill.
There is an equally important thread focusing around Cathy's widowed mother, who displays signs of early dementia. Cathy is an only child and they've always been incredibly close, so the shifting sands of their relationship throws her. Absorbed into caring responsibilities for her mother, Cathy must come to terms with the realisation that she will lose her. As the maternal connection starts to break down, Cathy must be aware that this maternal line will end with her if she decides against a baby. But, ultimately, Cathy has to weigh up the known in the now of a good and loving relationship against the unknown future of an as-of-yet unborn child.
Cathy's husband, Noah, was in a previous marriage and lost a baby - ever since, he's been adamantly childfree. Having been happy up until now with this clear agreement, something changes within Cathy and she confronts the idea that she maybe does want a baby. The ensuing dilemma is incredibly relatable for women in the grey area of maternal ambivalence - the desire for motherhood isn't all consuming, but there isn't a clear cut "no" that sidesteps it altogether. Highlighting it further, Cathy's indecision is set against her best friend, Anna, who knows that motherhood is absolutely her path and struggles to have a second child. But Cathy's marriage depends on her coming to a final decision - as, whilst trying to be supportive, nothing has changed for Noah.
Like many women in her position, Cathy turns to egg freezing. This keeps her options open for a future point when she feels ready, but it'll also mean not living fully in the present. There is a myth that egg freezing buys time - when in reality life just goes into stasis and, tragically, destroys that saved time if it doesn't work. Whereas, we can learn to live around a firm decision, one that has no going back, as you can then only be within that life. Ambivalence is neither one thing nor the other, and it's a burden for many women in their 30s or 40s - with time rocketing past too quickly and fertility slowing to a standstill.
There is an equally important thread focusing around Cathy's widowed mother, who displays signs of early dementia. Cathy is an only child and they've always been incredibly close, so the shifting sands of their relationship throws her. Absorbed into caring responsibilities for her mother, Cathy must come to terms with the realisation that she will lose her. As the maternal connection starts to break down, Cathy must be aware that this maternal line will end with her if she decides against a baby. But, ultimately, Cathy has to weigh up the known in the now of a good and loving relationship against the unknown future of an as-of-yet unborn child.
December 24, 2025
I tried so hard to finish this because I didn’t want to give up but it got so bad that I was actually shouting at my phone to stop playing.
This might be the most boring book I’ve ever read. In both plot and execution.
It’s not even about infertility. It’s about a woman questioning whether or not she wants children, as if that is enough to sustain an entire novel. Also, not only does this make her incredibly selfish and narcissistic in the context of her relationship, but it’s also such a universal questioning that it’s astounding how little she is able to cope with it. Not to mention the age gap element of this couple - as if that’s never been done before…
As for the actual writing, on a sentence by sentence level this book was so predictable that I could practically guess how each sentence that was begun would end. Every line pulsed with unoriginality. I don’t often read books with an idea in mind of how I would change them, but with this book I would’ve changed almost everything.
Maybe this is on me for reading this despite not having massively enjoyed Chloe Ashby’s debut Wet Paint but I thought people’s second novels were supposed to be better than their first?
This might be the most boring book I’ve ever read. In both plot and execution.
It’s not even about infertility. It’s about a woman questioning whether or not she wants children, as if that is enough to sustain an entire novel. Also, not only does this make her incredibly selfish and narcissistic in the context of her relationship, but it’s also such a universal questioning that it’s astounding how little she is able to cope with it. Not to mention the age gap element of this couple - as if that’s never been done before…
As for the actual writing, on a sentence by sentence level this book was so predictable that I could practically guess how each sentence that was begun would end. Every line pulsed with unoriginality. I don’t often read books with an idea in mind of how I would change them, but with this book I would’ve changed almost everything.
Maybe this is on me for reading this despite not having massively enjoyed Chloe Ashby’s debut Wet Paint but I thought people’s second novels were supposed to be better than their first?
February 28, 2024
🖌️ Second Self by Chloe Ashby 🖌️
I wanted to read this ahead of seeing Chloe Ashby at The Yard in Hampshire, which I’ve become a fan of after seeing Emma Gannon and Daisy Buchanan!
This book is not the sort I would’ve anticipated reading, which I why I like events and recommendations like these: it follows Cathy’s journey of being on the fence of wanting a baby, something which I’m sure many women think about but don’t feel comfortable admitting to.
Cathy’s in a comfortable marriage with husband Noah, who’s a few years older than her. They’re content. He has a good job, and so does she; working on recovering a painting throughout the novel, which I believe also serves as a motif for unpicking everything else in her life, including her ‘self’ and her decisions.
As her friends have children / more babies, Cathy starts to consider her options, especially as her body clock edges towards the point of no return. There are several themes at play in Ashby’s book, including fertility, love, societal expectations, ‘body clocks’ and relationships, all of which she writes about so sensitively.
This is a story about whether you’re sure if you want child or not, and the repercussions that come with either decision. Cathy deals with being with someone who isn’t even open to it, yet she continues on the journey alone. Will their marriage survive?
There’s also the bubbling of her mother’s health, but I’ll leave it at that.
Second Self serves as a title representing multiple ‘selfs’: of Cathy as a wife, a potential mother, a friend, her own mother’s ‘self’, plus the painting.
In the end, Cathy makes a big question which will leave the loss of one thing: a baby or staying with her husband.
A beautifully written book about such a sensitive (and still taboo) topic.
⭐️⭐️⭐️.5
I wanted to read this ahead of seeing Chloe Ashby at The Yard in Hampshire, which I’ve become a fan of after seeing Emma Gannon and Daisy Buchanan!
This book is not the sort I would’ve anticipated reading, which I why I like events and recommendations like these: it follows Cathy’s journey of being on the fence of wanting a baby, something which I’m sure many women think about but don’t feel comfortable admitting to.
Cathy’s in a comfortable marriage with husband Noah, who’s a few years older than her. They’re content. He has a good job, and so does she; working on recovering a painting throughout the novel, which I believe also serves as a motif for unpicking everything else in her life, including her ‘self’ and her decisions.
As her friends have children / more babies, Cathy starts to consider her options, especially as her body clock edges towards the point of no return. There are several themes at play in Ashby’s book, including fertility, love, societal expectations, ‘body clocks’ and relationships, all of which she writes about so sensitively.
This is a story about whether you’re sure if you want child or not, and the repercussions that come with either decision. Cathy deals with being with someone who isn’t even open to it, yet she continues on the journey alone. Will their marriage survive?
There’s also the bubbling of her mother’s health, but I’ll leave it at that.
Second Self serves as a title representing multiple ‘selfs’: of Cathy as a wife, a potential mother, a friend, her own mother’s ‘self’, plus the painting.
In the end, Cathy makes a big question which will leave the loss of one thing: a baby or staying with her husband.
A beautifully written book about such a sensitive (and still taboo) topic.
⭐️⭐️⭐️.5
July 8, 2024
After several false starts, I finally managed to get hooked by this book. I went in not knowing what to expect, having picked up the book from a local street in Bristol.
Although technically an easy read, the subject matter was sensitive and the writing deeply introspective. It explores the impact of wanting/not wanting children on a relationship, how unsettling and traumatic the sudden realisation can be and how the assumptions and advice of friends/family can do more harm than good.
I really loved the way Ashby documented the emotional ups and downs of fertility treatment, egg harvesting & freezing. The writing was incredibly sensitive to the male partners desperation to enforce his boundaries and not support his partner in her fertility treatment and yet Ashby also held space for his contradicting feelings of love and admiration for his partner.
Just a great book, very timely and relevant to conversations being had amongst myself and my friends at the moment.
Although technically an easy read, the subject matter was sensitive and the writing deeply introspective. It explores the impact of wanting/not wanting children on a relationship, how unsettling and traumatic the sudden realisation can be and how the assumptions and advice of friends/family can do more harm than good.
I really loved the way Ashby documented the emotional ups and downs of fertility treatment, egg harvesting & freezing. The writing was incredibly sensitive to the male partners desperation to enforce his boundaries and not support his partner in her fertility treatment and yet Ashby also held space for his contradicting feelings of love and admiration for his partner.
Just a great book, very timely and relevant to conversations being had amongst myself and my friends at the moment.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 4, 2026
3.5
“‘Caleb are expecting another?’ she said, as I flicked through images of a squashy baby, bald as a lightbulb. ‘Yes,’ I replied, glancing at Noah and wondering when that had come up in conversation between him and his brother. ‘Their second.’ There was a moment’s pause, and I felt the need to fill it. I smiled as I added, ‘It’s wonderful.’ Griz tilted her head to one side and smiled back. Then she asked, in a way that suggested I’d just let something slip, ‘Are you two still set against it? We haven’t spoken about it in a while, so maybe …’ ‘What’s that?’ asked Noah, mid-mouthful. ‘Starting a family!’ He laughed and I wish I had, too. But when I opened my mouth, there wasn’t any sound. Instead, I tried to keep hold of my smile as I silently rolled the words around on my tongue : starting a family. As if we weren’t one already.”
“‘Caleb are expecting another?’ she said, as I flicked through images of a squashy baby, bald as a lightbulb. ‘Yes,’ I replied, glancing at Noah and wondering when that had come up in conversation between him and his brother. ‘Their second.’ There was a moment’s pause, and I felt the need to fill it. I smiled as I added, ‘It’s wonderful.’ Griz tilted her head to one side and smiled back. Then she asked, in a way that suggested I’d just let something slip, ‘Are you two still set against it? We haven’t spoken about it in a while, so maybe …’ ‘What’s that?’ asked Noah, mid-mouthful. ‘Starting a family!’ He laughed and I wish I had, too. But when I opened my mouth, there wasn’t any sound. Instead, I tried to keep hold of my smile as I silently rolled the words around on my tongue : starting a family. As if we weren’t one already.”
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 18, 2024
Dieses Buch ist echt ein easy read. Du hast das Gefühl, als würde dir eine enge Freundin von ihrem Leben erzählen und als wärst du Teil davon.
Zum Plot:
Es geht um Cathy, die seit 8 Jahren glücklich mit Noah verheiratet und kinderlos ist. Bis zu ihrem 35. Geburtstag wo sie ins wanken kommt und sich die Frage stellt, ob sie nicht doch Kinder haben möchte. Vorallem geht es aber auch um ihre Beziehungen, die zu ihrem Mann, zu sich selbst und auch zu ihrer Mutter und besten Freundin. Es geht um das Sein im Kuddelmuddel und das darin suhlen bis es sich nicht mehr richtig anfühlt und eine Entscheidung getroffen wird. All in all echt einfach schön zu lesendes Buch!
Trotzdem „nur“ vier Sterne, weil ich mir an manchen Stellen mehr Einblicke gewünscht hätte um alles noch runder zu gestalten.
Zum Plot:
Es geht um Cathy, die seit 8 Jahren glücklich mit Noah verheiratet und kinderlos ist. Bis zu ihrem 35. Geburtstag wo sie ins wanken kommt und sich die Frage stellt, ob sie nicht doch Kinder haben möchte. Vorallem geht es aber auch um ihre Beziehungen, die zu ihrem Mann, zu sich selbst und auch zu ihrer Mutter und besten Freundin. Es geht um das Sein im Kuddelmuddel und das darin suhlen bis es sich nicht mehr richtig anfühlt und eine Entscheidung getroffen wird. All in all echt einfach schön zu lesendes Buch!
Trotzdem „nur“ vier Sterne, weil ich mir an manchen Stellen mehr Einblicke gewünscht hätte um alles noch runder zu gestalten.
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