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Nie pytaj, jak było w szkole: Rozmowy, które dają dzieciom siłę
Kiedy ostatnio zdarzyła ci się wartościowa rozmowa z dzieckiem?
Pytasz małego człowieka, jak minął mu dzień, a w odpowiedzi słyszysz: „Fajnie!”. Próbujesz się dowiedzieć, co robił w przedszkolu, a on mówi: „Bawiłem się!”. Zależy ci, by opowiedział, jak mu poszło na sprawdzianie w szkole, a cała opowieść to: „Dobrze”.
Jeśli czujesz się czasami jak agent wywiadu, próbując zachęcić swoje dziecko do rozmowy, to ten poradnik jest dla ciebie. Dowiesz się z niego, że nie trzeba być idealnym, dysponować fachową wiedzą ani nawet zadawać właściwych pytań, by tworzyć okazje do wartościowych rozmów.
Znacznie ważniejsza jest postawa świadomego wyczekiwania – wykorzystanie wymiany zdań, by otworzyć furtkę i podążać za dzieckiem. Wystarczy kilka zmian i nowych nawyków, aby ważne rozmowy stały się naturalną i ciekawą dla wszystkich domowników częścią życia.
Z tej książki dowiesz się, jak:
budować bliską relację z dzieckiem w każdym wieku: od malucha do nastolatka
łagodzić spory i prowadzić komfortowe wymiany zdań oraz konwersacje, które pozwolą wam się czegoś nauczyć lub coś zrozumieć
wykorzystać wartościowe rozmowy, by rozwijać u dziecka siedem kluczowych kompetencji związanych z: uczeniem się, empatią, pewnością siebie, relacjami, zabawą, otwartością na inność i panowaniem nad temperamentem
"Jestem pewna, że każdego dnia mówisz do swojego dziecka setki słów. Ta książka pomoże ci zamienić je w wartościową rozmowę, której oboje potrzebujecie, by rozwijać się, spełniać i wzrastać w relacji. Stwórz do niej okazję w swoim rodzicielstwie. Niech rozmowa wspiera was w codziennej miłości."
Pytasz małego człowieka, jak minął mu dzień, a w odpowiedzi słyszysz: „Fajnie!”. Próbujesz się dowiedzieć, co robił w przedszkolu, a on mówi: „Bawiłem się!”. Zależy ci, by opowiedział, jak mu poszło na sprawdzianie w szkole, a cała opowieść to: „Dobrze”.
Jeśli czujesz się czasami jak agent wywiadu, próbując zachęcić swoje dziecko do rozmowy, to ten poradnik jest dla ciebie. Dowiesz się z niego, że nie trzeba być idealnym, dysponować fachową wiedzą ani nawet zadawać właściwych pytań, by tworzyć okazje do wartościowych rozmów.
Znacznie ważniejsza jest postawa świadomego wyczekiwania – wykorzystanie wymiany zdań, by otworzyć furtkę i podążać za dzieckiem. Wystarczy kilka zmian i nowych nawyków, aby ważne rozmowy stały się naturalną i ciekawą dla wszystkich domowników częścią życia.
Z tej książki dowiesz się, jak:
budować bliską relację z dzieckiem w każdym wieku: od malucha do nastolatka
łagodzić spory i prowadzić komfortowe wymiany zdań oraz konwersacje, które pozwolą wam się czegoś nauczyć lub coś zrozumieć
wykorzystać wartościowe rozmowy, by rozwijać u dziecka siedem kluczowych kompetencji związanych z: uczeniem się, empatią, pewnością siebie, relacjami, zabawą, otwartością na inność i panowaniem nad temperamentem
"Jestem pewna, że każdego dnia mówisz do swojego dziecka setki słów. Ta książka pomoże ci zamienić je w wartościową rozmowę, której oboje potrzebujecie, by rozwijać się, spełniać i wzrastać w relacji. Stwórz do niej okazję w swoim rodzicielstwie. Niech rozmowa wspiera was w codziennej miłości."
352 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 77 reviews
December 5, 2022
Wonderful book. Great insight and tools to become the best parent you can be. I loved the examples that were given and tips to help achieve the best outcome for your kids. We should all strive to be more nurturing and attentive to our kids. Lovely book with great tips anyone can use!
I won this from a Goodreads giveaway. All statements above are my true opinions after fully reading this book.
I won this from a Goodreads giveaway. All statements above are my true opinions after fully reading this book.
July 12, 2022
It’s hard to know how to talk to your kids. How do you elicit more than an OK when you ask about their day? How do you connect about real things rather than the minutiae of living. In this insightful text, Rolland parses these questions, interspersed with a personal narrative about her own struggles which help this book hit home. This offers a clear concise way to communicate with children, and leaves the reader feeling enriched and motivated to do so.
January 12, 2022
This book is an invaluable resource for parents raising kids of all ages. The author is both an oral language specialist (so she knows the importance and reach of language!) and a parent herself (so she knows that sometimes conversation gets lost in all the to-do of our everyday lives). What I appreciated most in this mix of family anecdotes and concrete tools to improve our communication, is the compassion the author brings. This book leaves the reader feeling that more and better communication is not only possible, but very achievable, despite our busy, complicated lives.
January 13, 2022
I'd highly recommend this book for any parent. The practical tools, combined with the science behind them, helped me understand both the how and the why behind "rich talk." I've already had more meaningful conversations with my 4 and 8 y/os. So grateful I read an Advanced Reader Copy
January 19, 2022
The Art of Talking with Children is going to be a lifeboat for many parents--parents like me, the mother of strong-willed, rebellious daughters (11 and 4yo). Rolland offers helpful advice, insights, and examples of how to have meaningful, productive conversations with your children (as opposed to talking AT them or falling into conversational ruts). My oldest is already responding positively to some of the techniques from the book. Rolland interweaves real-life scenes throughout which makes for an entertaining read. I found the "Child Driven Principles" discussion especially insightful. I was grateful to receive an Advanced Reader's Copy and I highly recommend to parents of children all ages!
January 17, 2022
What an important book for parents of young children! Rolland, a speech pathologist, really breaks down the deeper ways that children understand their world through language. Including case studies and tons of specific prompts, she offers parents practical ways of drawing out their children's thoughts and ideas. I can't help but imagine (and happily anticipate!) the critically-thinking adults that will come out of the families that embrace this way of communicating!
December 3, 2024
O carte foarte interesantă despre cum și ce să vorbim cu cei mici. Cartea se axează pe strategii prin care părinții sau profesorii pot stimula creativitatea copiilor prin conversațiile avute. De asemenea, rolul dialogului este unul foarte amplu iar copii depind de cum îi tratăm și le vorbim.
Copii trebuie să învețe să își formeze o mentalitate de dezvoltare, nu una rigidă (lucrurile se pot schimba, îmbunătăți și nu sunt bătute în cuie). Întrebările deschise sunt foarte importante în acest demers al învățării iar curiozitatea copiilor trebuie exploatată la maxim.
Un minus îl consider informațiile puține legate de conversațiile copiilor preșcolari și chiar mai mici. Acolo cred ca este baza în ceea ce privește arta de a le vorbi copiilor.
Copii trebuie să învețe să își formeze o mentalitate de dezvoltare, nu una rigidă (lucrurile se pot schimba, îmbunătăți și nu sunt bătute în cuie). Întrebările deschise sunt foarte importante în acest demers al învățării iar curiozitatea copiilor trebuie exploatată la maxim.
Un minus îl consider informațiile puține legate de conversațiile copiilor preșcolari și chiar mai mici. Acolo cred ca este baza în ceea ce privește arta de a le vorbi copiilor.
January 16, 2022
This book found me at exactly the right time. My eight year old has tons of questions about everything-- and I've become so specialized in literature and marketing, that anything outside of those spheres (What is 5 x 26? How do crystals grow?) feels tough to answer without Google or a calculator, which makes me feel stupid and ashamed. Rolland's encouragement of conversation for conversation's sake comforted me, as did the research on how talking about "not knowing" things is as important as knowing things. Reading this book also made me grateful-- oddly enough-- for the far slower pace of life this last two years when, because of the pandemic and homeschooling, I've really gotten to spend tons of quality time with my little girl. This book is well written, informative and charming-- and will appeal to fans of Lori Gottlieb and Susan Orlean.
July 16, 2022
This book is excellent. If I could give it 10 stars I would. I just bought one for myself so I can mark it up. I’m always looking for parenting books that give applicable examples and make it easy to remember the content through mnemonics and short simple lists. She does have a one size fits all but guides you through being tuned in to your kids individual needs.
March 27, 2025
something that might be useful and insightful for youth work
notes:
- Packed schedules, digital distractions, and a constant focus on performance often leave little room for conversations that delve into your child’s inner world. Even the most caring parents may unintentionally prioritize routine over deeper engagement.
- fostering these exchanges doesn’t require perfect conditions or expert knowledge. What matters most is presence, openness, and a genuine curiosity about your child’s ideas.
- Rich talk refers to conversations where parents and children fully engage, exploring ideas, emotions, and thoughts together. It’s a way of connecting that allows kids to express themselves openly while parents respond with curiosity and interest.
- Lev Vygotsky, a Russian psychologist, emphasized how parents can guide children’s thinking by offering the right amount of support to encourage growth.
- Packed schedules, technological distractions, and a focus on achievements can reduce conversations to functional exchanges.
- Rolland’s daughter sparked a profound discussion during a visit to a museum. While exploring ancient Egyptian exhibits, her daughter began asking questions about life, death, and reincarnation. Rolland embraced the moment, engaging with her child’s thoughts rather than trying to provide definitive answers.
- The dentist calmed her by explaining the procedure in simple terms and offering small choices, such as which tool to use first. This thoughtful approach transformed the experience from one of fear to one of empowerment, as Rolland’s daughter felt informed, included, and emotionally supported.
- The children demonstrated cognitive empathy, when they understood Elizabeth’s perspective; emotional empathy, when they connected with her emotions; and compassionate empathy, when they took action to resolve the situation. Developing empathy allows kids to move beyond self-interest, promoting connection and discouraging cruelty.
- arent-child conversations play a central role by teaching self-awareness, emotional vocabulary, and perspective-taking. Reflective listening and emotion charts encourage children to name their feelings and identify their needs. Exercises like role-playing help them evaluate actions and consider how others might feel in specific situations. The “Three Es” framework – expanding emotional language, exploring past experiences, and evaluating actions – helps deepen understanding. Storytelling and discussing characters’ emotions and motivations further nurture this skill.
- Children have a natural desire to help and contribute. Giving them meaningful opportunities to participate helps them feel connected to their families and communities, while also building confidence in their abilities
- How you talk to children plays a huge role in shaping their confidence. Encouraging them to focus on effort, strategies, and progress teaches them that success comes from what they do, not who they are.
- Parents can gradually give kids more responsibility, letting them pick meaningful tasks and reflect on their decisions. Modeling adaptability and perseverance in your own life shows kids how to approach challenges constructively.
- “It sounds like you’re feeling upset because of … ” – helps them validate emotions and strengthen relationships.
- Children who see diversity as a strength are better equipped to thrive in a world where collaboration across cultures is increasingly important.
- “What do you think their perspective might be?” or “Have you ever felt like that?” This encourages critical thinking and self-reflection.
- In many schools and homes, play is pushed to the margins, overshadowed by academic and structured priorities. Schools emphasize measurable outcomes, leaving little room for exploration. Recesses are shortened, and even those precious minutes are often filled with organized activities. Parents, pressured by societal expectations for academic rigor and early achievement, may sideline free play as less important.
- Both parents and educators can embrace play as a gateway to discovery. At home, simple toys like sticks and boxes encourage imagination, while questions like, How many ways could we use this box?
- Maria Montessori once said, “Play is the child’s work.”
- Temperament, a combination of emotional responses, energy levels, and self-regulation, is unique to each child. Influenced by biology and environment, it appears early and evolves over time. A key aspect of parenting is understanding how well a parent’s temperament aligns – or doesn’t – with their child’s. A calm parent might work harmoniously with a sensitive child, while a high-energy parent might feel challenged by a cautious, slow-to-warm child. These mismatches can lead to frustration, but with self-awareness and adaptation, parents can reduce tension and strengthen relationships.
notes:
- Packed schedules, digital distractions, and a constant focus on performance often leave little room for conversations that delve into your child’s inner world. Even the most caring parents may unintentionally prioritize routine over deeper engagement.
- fostering these exchanges doesn’t require perfect conditions or expert knowledge. What matters most is presence, openness, and a genuine curiosity about your child’s ideas.
- Rich talk refers to conversations where parents and children fully engage, exploring ideas, emotions, and thoughts together. It’s a way of connecting that allows kids to express themselves openly while parents respond with curiosity and interest.
- Lev Vygotsky, a Russian psychologist, emphasized how parents can guide children’s thinking by offering the right amount of support to encourage growth.
- Packed schedules, technological distractions, and a focus on achievements can reduce conversations to functional exchanges.
- Rolland’s daughter sparked a profound discussion during a visit to a museum. While exploring ancient Egyptian exhibits, her daughter began asking questions about life, death, and reincarnation. Rolland embraced the moment, engaging with her child’s thoughts rather than trying to provide definitive answers.
- The dentist calmed her by explaining the procedure in simple terms and offering small choices, such as which tool to use first. This thoughtful approach transformed the experience from one of fear to one of empowerment, as Rolland’s daughter felt informed, included, and emotionally supported.
- The children demonstrated cognitive empathy, when they understood Elizabeth’s perspective; emotional empathy, when they connected with her emotions; and compassionate empathy, when they took action to resolve the situation. Developing empathy allows kids to move beyond self-interest, promoting connection and discouraging cruelty.
- arent-child conversations play a central role by teaching self-awareness, emotional vocabulary, and perspective-taking. Reflective listening and emotion charts encourage children to name their feelings and identify their needs. Exercises like role-playing help them evaluate actions and consider how others might feel in specific situations. The “Three Es” framework – expanding emotional language, exploring past experiences, and evaluating actions – helps deepen understanding. Storytelling and discussing characters’ emotions and motivations further nurture this skill.
- Children have a natural desire to help and contribute. Giving them meaningful opportunities to participate helps them feel connected to their families and communities, while also building confidence in their abilities
- How you talk to children plays a huge role in shaping their confidence. Encouraging them to focus on effort, strategies, and progress teaches them that success comes from what they do, not who they are.
- Parents can gradually give kids more responsibility, letting them pick meaningful tasks and reflect on their decisions. Modeling adaptability and perseverance in your own life shows kids how to approach challenges constructively.
- “It sounds like you’re feeling upset because of … ” – helps them validate emotions and strengthen relationships.
- Children who see diversity as a strength are better equipped to thrive in a world where collaboration across cultures is increasingly important.
- “What do you think their perspective might be?” or “Have you ever felt like that?” This encourages critical thinking and self-reflection.
- In many schools and homes, play is pushed to the margins, overshadowed by academic and structured priorities. Schools emphasize measurable outcomes, leaving little room for exploration. Recesses are shortened, and even those precious minutes are often filled with organized activities. Parents, pressured by societal expectations for academic rigor and early achievement, may sideline free play as less important.
- Both parents and educators can embrace play as a gateway to discovery. At home, simple toys like sticks and boxes encourage imagination, while questions like, How many ways could we use this box?
- Maria Montessori once said, “Play is the child’s work.”
- Temperament, a combination of emotional responses, energy levels, and self-regulation, is unique to each child. Influenced by biology and environment, it appears early and evolves over time. A key aspect of parenting is understanding how well a parent’s temperament aligns – or doesn’t – with their child’s. A calm parent might work harmoniously with a sensitive child, while a high-energy parent might feel challenged by a cautious, slow-to-warm child. These mismatches can lead to frustration, but with self-awareness and adaptation, parents can reduce tension and strengthen relationships.
February 11, 2022
I was kindly given an advanced reader copy of "The Art of Talking with Children," and, while I don't have kids myself, I was surprised by how easily I could translate the information provided to my relationships with my nieces and nephews (ages 3-7). The book provides a toolkit of sorts for how to improve on the quality of the conversations we have with children, and offers, through interviews with clinical experts and parents alike, the rationale behind why these types of conversations are so important to a developing child. The book definitely made me realize that while I often joke and play well with my nieces and nephews, I don't often engage them in deeper discussions or thought games.
Truthfully, since I don't have kids of my own, being around kids for too long exhausts me. They talk a lot. About very boring things. But, this book actually provided me with some helpful cues and tips for engaging them in interesting, deep, and fun conversations that don't have to take a ton of time. As the sibling gunning for Favorite Aunt status, these tools will hopefully give me a leg up on my competition.
Truthfully, since I don't have kids of my own, being around kids for too long exhausts me. They talk a lot. About very boring things. But, this book actually provided me with some helpful cues and tips for engaging them in interesting, deep, and fun conversations that don't have to take a ton of time. As the sibling gunning for Favorite Aunt status, these tools will hopefully give me a leg up on my competition.
February 15, 2022
I read this book at the exact right moment in time! I am a busy mother of three. With a sixteen-year-old, 12, and six-year-old, communication feels overwhelming. I am exhausted at the end of the day and the differences in age between my children is an additional challenge.
I loved the case studies and the easy-to-apply "prompts." After all of these years of parenting, I felt this was just the refresher I needed.
Thank you to the publisher for providing an ARC in return for an honest review.
I loved the case studies and the easy-to-apply "prompts." After all of these years of parenting, I felt this was just the refresher I needed.
Thank you to the publisher for providing an ARC in return for an honest review.
January 16, 2022
So honored to have received an ARC of "The Art of Talking with Children".
Author Rebecca Rolland, Harvard faculty member and oral specialist blends in science and communication, using techniques that focus on BOTH sides of the brain to tackle an age-old issue: How to communicate with children. Through techniques, scientific measurable actions, Rolland focuses on why communication should start from day one, why it's important in HOW we speak with children and what happens when we employ analytical techniques to ensure an emotional response, i.e. connecting with kids to empower, embolden and enable creativity and confidence in them. Refreshing prose, very do-able ideas, this book combines, science, creativity, art and communication and a must-read if you have children in your life--I personally learned so much!
Author Rebecca Rolland, Harvard faculty member and oral specialist blends in science and communication, using techniques that focus on BOTH sides of the brain to tackle an age-old issue: How to communicate with children. Through techniques, scientific measurable actions, Rolland focuses on why communication should start from day one, why it's important in HOW we speak with children and what happens when we employ analytical techniques to ensure an emotional response, i.e. connecting with kids to empower, embolden and enable creativity and confidence in them. Refreshing prose, very do-able ideas, this book combines, science, creativity, art and communication and a must-read if you have children in your life--I personally learned so much!
January 20, 2022
I was provided an advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.
I don't often read non-fiction, but as a new mum I was eager to give this one a go. This book is wonderful - so many 'parenting' books can come across as preachy, but this one doesn't. It's full of easy-to-adopt habits that make total sense when you think about it! I'd recommend this to anyone who wants to have a more open, positive relationship with their children.
I don't often read non-fiction, but as a new mum I was eager to give this one a go. This book is wonderful - so many 'parenting' books can come across as preachy, but this one doesn't. It's full of easy-to-adopt habits that make total sense when you think about it! I'd recommend this to anyone who wants to have a more open, positive relationship with their children.
January 9, 2022
I was fortunate to get an advanced reader copy of this informative and important book about how to help kids discuss and recognize their emotions, which in turn helps them show more empathy. Rich Talk blends science and strategy in an easy to understand and conversational way that will ensure our kids feel seen and heard. I loved that this book is for parents of kids of all ages. As a mom with a teenager, it was especially helpful to learn new ways to teach both ourselves and our kids to truly engage and be present in a world full of distractions. When we connect on a deeper level with our kids, we are teaching them to connect on a deeper level with others. Rolland's Rich Talk uses the ABC method which includes being Adaptive, participating in Back and Forth, and using Child Driven Principles. This book should be on every parent's TBR list.
May 21, 2023
While this book took me a longer time to read, it had an excellent mix of questions for me to think about, examples for me to learn from, and insight on how to approach dialogue with children. Great read for those who work with or have children!
July 24, 2022
This book was longer than I expected. It is very thorough, but as a result the chapters are rather long and thus harder to digest. I think I was looking for something more direct. The author has a lot of interesting stories to share, but I just wanted her to get to the main points. Overall, I think I disagree with her philosophy of training kids, as she tends to want to let kids discover things for themselves, assuming that they are capable of knowing and doing what is good and right. My experience has been that kids need a lot of instruction and tend to be selfish. So as you might have guessed, I didn't finish this book, but stopped after about 5 chapters. Gave me some food for thought, but I think I concluded it was more confusing than clarifying, and wasn't worth the investment of time.
October 2, 2022
This book is so full of rich, original suggestions for improving our communication with anyone. While Dr. Rolland focuses on talking with children, the principles apply to any situation where real connection with another person is desired. This should be required reading for every educator and anyone who works with young people. I highly recommend this beautiful and wise work.
January 31, 2022
The Art of Talking with Children not only unpacks aspects that might seem obvious and help build conversations with children, but most importantly it helps us adults open up and be aware when we talk with children, not as experts but as a human being engaged in a genuine conversation with another human being trying to figure things out. That is a powerful shift.
Many times us adults complain about children not talking to us, but it is precisely because our conversations are limited to check-in questions or instructions. Great conversations are done by talking and listening and they take time. This book reminds us that children can come up with all the topics where deeper and rich conversations can happen. It also unpacks areas where conversation impacts child development and how it impacts their lives. Rolland combines strategy, with stories and relatable examples. I highly recommend this book for adults in general!
Many times us adults complain about children not talking to us, but it is precisely because our conversations are limited to check-in questions or instructions. Great conversations are done by talking and listening and they take time. This book reminds us that children can come up with all the topics where deeper and rich conversations can happen. It also unpacks areas where conversation impacts child development and how it impacts their lives. Rolland combines strategy, with stories and relatable examples. I highly recommend this book for adults in general!
January 13, 2022
As a pediatric dentist I was definitely trained and able to understand the need for good communication . I am able to differentiate between the timing and the accurate techniques among the ones I have to help achieve my goal: acquire cooperation and trust from the child to perform the necessary treatment. But I am also a mother of three and in my "private world" my training was not always as applicable because of the emotional factor and fast pace of our everyday life.
This is where "The Art of Talking with Children" makes a lot of sense: it helps catching and recognizing those little moments and opportunities to help your child become the best of himself and not just leading them to do what we think is best for them.With simple examples Rebecca Roland gives you hints how to navigate and take advantage of these everyday situations to built curious and compassionate adults thanks to the "right talk at the right moment".
This is where "The Art of Talking with Children" makes a lot of sense: it helps catching and recognizing those little moments and opportunities to help your child become the best of himself and not just leading them to do what we think is best for them.With simple examples Rebecca Roland gives you hints how to navigate and take advantage of these everyday situations to built curious and compassionate adults thanks to the "right talk at the right moment".
December 28, 2021
I enjoyed reading this inspiring book that proposes a very good mixture of stories and research, along with multiple examples.
The author uses a concrete approach and gives her strong opinion on how our society needs to change to support kids.
This is funny and very enriching to learn about the author's own experiences with her kids.
The book is easy to read and as a reader, we discover such good ideas for anyone who raises or teaches kids today.
The author uses a concrete approach and gives her strong opinion on how our society needs to change to support kids.
This is funny and very enriching to learn about the author's own experiences with her kids.
The book is easy to read and as a reader, we discover such good ideas for anyone who raises or teaches kids today.
January 14, 2022
Sometimes we worry so much about what we do for our children, and what they're doing in school and outside--this book reminded me that we parent and love just as much through conversation. But are our conversations meaningful? Rebecca Rolland is a great companion in this quest, an expert who talks like a friend, who shares strategies for developing rich talk. This book feels especially important today, when developing empathy and resilience--and capacity for joy!--is ever more urgent.
December 12, 2021
A refreshing read, in the world of cookie-cutter parenting books. I was lucky to read an advance copy--it gave me a lot of food for thought, and I'm still talking about it with my parent and grandparent friends.
December 20, 2021
This is a readable, engaging, and helpful book for anyone who works with or has children! I look forward to recommending it to colleagues, other parents, and anyone who is interested in oral language development!
January 26, 2022
This book is extremely well written and accessible to just about anyone reading it. As a beginner in this field I have learned so much important information that is crucial to childcare and education. I would recommend this book to any new parent or even anyone trying to understand the development of children.
December 11, 2021
Outstanding book for parents, teachers, and anyone who raises or teaches kids! I found this so helpful and engaging, with such specific examples and an inspiring approach.
January 24, 2022
Rebecca has written a very organized book which help realize the daily unscheduled relationship opportunities we can all have with our kids. This book naturally supports stronger family fondation.
Some examples are just here in the back or our heads and others are just mind blowing when you realize it, it's helpful on many levels.
I consider the book a road map to improve conversation and ultimately relationship to and education with our kids.
Some examples are just here in the back or our heads and others are just mind blowing when you realize it, it's helpful on many levels.
I consider the book a road map to improve conversation and ultimately relationship to and education with our kids.
February 23, 2022
This book is an incredible resource not only for parents, but for anyone who works with children (teachers, nannies, counselors, etc.). Using both her experience as a speech-language pathologist and as a parent herself, Rolland offers a well-organized and highly accessible guide to communicating with children of all ages in a way that will strengthen their curiosity and confidence. I really appreciate how Rolland used personal anecdotes throughout; the balance of the scientific and the personal made the book highly accessible, and I'll definitely be recommending it to every caregiver I know.
Thank you to Netgalley for the advanced copy!
Thank you to Netgalley for the advanced copy!
August 15, 2023
One of the best books I’ve read this year. It’s good not only for thinking about how to talk to future kids, but also for thinking about how to talk and think more playfully and kindly in general.
March 28, 2025
Building meaningful connections with children through conversation is a fundamental yet often overlooked aspect of parenting. Many parents find themselves caught up in daily responsibilities—juggling work, school, and extracurricular activities—leaving little time for thoughtful discussions with their children. While it may seem like casual exchanges are enough, truly engaging with a child’s thoughts and emotions plays a crucial role in their emotional and intellectual growth. These deeper conversations, often referred to as "rich talk," foster trust, encourage curiosity, and nurture self-confidence. However, modern life presents challenges that make these interactions rare. The fast-paced nature of schedules, digital distractions, and an emphasis on academic achievement can limit opportunities for open-ended conversations. Many well-meaning parents unintentionally prioritize efficiency over meaningful engagement, which can lead to emotional disconnects. But fostering deep communication doesn’t require special expertise or ideal conditions. The key is to be fully present, show genuine interest, and create an environment where a child feels valued and heard.
Engaging in rich talk helps children develop critical thinking skills and emotional intelligence. It is not about lecturing or providing definitive answers but rather about exploring ideas together. Research in child development, including theories from Jean Piaget and Lev Vygotsky, emphasizes the importance of interactive learning and guided discovery. By allowing children to express their thoughts and navigate their own understanding with parental support, they develop independence and problem-solving skills. However, modern family life often limits these moments. Many parents find that their interactions are reduced to reminders about homework, meal choices, or bedtime routines. This lack of deeper dialogue may only become apparent when a child struggles with emotional or social issues, highlighting the importance of prioritizing connection before challenges arise. Rich talk can happen naturally in everyday settings—a drive to school, a walk in the park, or while preparing dinner. A spontaneous conversation about a child’s curiosity can lead to meaningful discussions that strengthen bonds and expand perspectives.
One example of rich talk comes from a visit to a museum, where a mother engaged in a profound discussion with her daughter about life and death while observing an ancient Egyptian exhibit. Instead of providing quick answers, she explored her child’s thoughts, allowing the conversation to evolve naturally. Another example occurred during a dentist visit, where a child’s anxiety about a tooth extraction was eased when the dentist explained the process in simple terms and allowed her to make small choices. By fostering a sense of control and understanding, the child felt more confident and supported. These instances illustrate how everyday moments can be transformed into opportunities for emotional growth and intellectual curiosity.
Beyond conversation, children learn empathy through interactions and observations. A simple act of kindness at a birthday party—where children shared slime with a friend who had received less—demonstrates how empathy develops through real-life experiences. Empathy consists of three components: understanding another’s perspective, feeling their emotions, and taking action to help. From infancy, children begin to mirror emotions, but as they grow, they refine their ability to recognize and respond to others’ feelings. Parents play a crucial role in nurturing this skill by engaging children in conversations about emotions, encouraging them to reflect on their own experiences, and helping them understand different perspectives. Exercises such as role-playing or discussing characters’ emotions in books help children build empathy and social awareness. However, digital distractions and a culture that prioritizes achievement over emotional intelligence can hinder this development. When children are encouraged to recognize and discuss their feelings, they become more capable of forming meaningful relationships and handling social situations with compassion.
Building confidence and independence is another critical aspect of parenting. Children naturally seek opportunities to contribute and take responsibility, and when they are given the chance to do so, they feel capable and valued. For instance, at a Fourth of July barbecue, a group of children was given sidewalk chalk to draw on the deck with the understanding that they would clean up afterward. The experience allowed them to engage creatively while also reinforcing the concept of responsibility. Confidence and independence grow when children are trusted with meaningful tasks, encouraged to solve problems, and supported in learning from their mistakes. However, when parents micromanage or intervene too quickly, children may feel incapable or hesitant to take initiative. The way parents communicate also influences confidence—focusing on effort and strategies rather than just praising results teaches children that success comes from persistence and learning. Instead of saying, "You’re so smart," it’s more effective to highlight their approach, such as "I love how you kept trying different ways to solve that problem." This shift helps children develop resilience and a growth mindset, allowing them to navigate challenges with greater confidence.
Conversations also play a vital role in shaping children into open-minded, socially aware individuals. A story about an eighth-grader who dismissed someone based on their accent reveals how biases can stem from personal insecurities. In this case, the student had internalized concerns about his own family’s accents, leading him to distance himself from others with similar traits. Through open discussions, he was able to confront these feelings and develop greater empathy. Teaching children to engage in meaningful conversations, listen actively, and validate others’ emotions helps them build strong social connections. Encouraging open-mindedness involves more than just acknowledging differences—it requires celebrating them. Parents can model this by showing curiosity about different cultures, exposing children to diverse experiences, and encouraging critical thinking. When a child makes an assumption, asking reflective questions like "Why do you think that?" or "How might their experience be different from yours?" helps them develop a broader perspective. Small actions, such as trying foods from different cultures or learning about family history, reinforce the value of diversity and interconnectedness.
Creativity and learning thrive when play is embraced as a tool for exploration. Unfortunately, structured academic priorities often overshadow the importance of play. Many children, like the fifth-grader who dismissed a brainstorming game as pointless, fail to see the value in unstructured exploration. However, play fosters problem-solving skills, resilience, and innovation. When children turn everyday objects into imaginative tools, they engage in discovery and experimentation. Nobel Prize-winning scientists often credit their curiosity and playful thinking as the foundation for their breakthroughs. Yet, in many schools, playtime is reduced in favor of structured learning, limiting opportunities for creative thinking. Parents and educators can counter this by incorporating play into daily activities—posing open-ended questions, encouraging hands-on exploration, and reframing failure as part of learning. Simple activities, such as building with household items or inventing stories, reinforce curiosity and problem-solving skills in a way that structured lessons cannot.
Understanding a child’s temperament is crucial for effective communication and parenting. Each child has a unique blend of emotional responses, energy levels, and self-regulation skills. Recognizing these traits allows parents to adapt their approach, fostering cooperation rather than conflict. A spirited toddler who insists on doing things independently may be seen as stubborn, but reframing this trait as determination shifts the perspective. By respecting a child’s temperament while setting appropriate boundaries, parents create an environment where the child feels understood and supported. A practical strategy for navigating temperament differences is the ROOM framework—Recognize underlying issues, Organize responses around connection, Own up to mistakes, and Match communication to the child’s needs. Parents who adjust their approach based on their child’s personality find greater success in fostering cooperation and emotional growth.
The process of engaging in meaningful conversations and nurturing a child’s development does not require perfection, only presence and intention. By making rich talk a regular part of daily life, parents can strengthen their bond with their children and support their intellectual and emotional growth. Encouraging curiosity, fostering empathy, and promoting independence help children develop resilience and confidence. Tailoring communication to match a child’s temperament and celebrating their individuality allows them to flourish. The key to raising thoughtful, compassionate, and confident individuals lies in small, consistent efforts—conversations that validate their experiences, encourage exploration, and reinforce the belief that their voices matter. These everyday interactions shape children into capable, open-minded individuals who are prepared to navigate the world with empathy and curiosity.
Engaging in rich talk helps children develop critical thinking skills and emotional intelligence. It is not about lecturing or providing definitive answers but rather about exploring ideas together. Research in child development, including theories from Jean Piaget and Lev Vygotsky, emphasizes the importance of interactive learning and guided discovery. By allowing children to express their thoughts and navigate their own understanding with parental support, they develop independence and problem-solving skills. However, modern family life often limits these moments. Many parents find that their interactions are reduced to reminders about homework, meal choices, or bedtime routines. This lack of deeper dialogue may only become apparent when a child struggles with emotional or social issues, highlighting the importance of prioritizing connection before challenges arise. Rich talk can happen naturally in everyday settings—a drive to school, a walk in the park, or while preparing dinner. A spontaneous conversation about a child’s curiosity can lead to meaningful discussions that strengthen bonds and expand perspectives.
One example of rich talk comes from a visit to a museum, where a mother engaged in a profound discussion with her daughter about life and death while observing an ancient Egyptian exhibit. Instead of providing quick answers, she explored her child’s thoughts, allowing the conversation to evolve naturally. Another example occurred during a dentist visit, where a child’s anxiety about a tooth extraction was eased when the dentist explained the process in simple terms and allowed her to make small choices. By fostering a sense of control and understanding, the child felt more confident and supported. These instances illustrate how everyday moments can be transformed into opportunities for emotional growth and intellectual curiosity.
Beyond conversation, children learn empathy through interactions and observations. A simple act of kindness at a birthday party—where children shared slime with a friend who had received less—demonstrates how empathy develops through real-life experiences. Empathy consists of three components: understanding another’s perspective, feeling their emotions, and taking action to help. From infancy, children begin to mirror emotions, but as they grow, they refine their ability to recognize and respond to others’ feelings. Parents play a crucial role in nurturing this skill by engaging children in conversations about emotions, encouraging them to reflect on their own experiences, and helping them understand different perspectives. Exercises such as role-playing or discussing characters’ emotions in books help children build empathy and social awareness. However, digital distractions and a culture that prioritizes achievement over emotional intelligence can hinder this development. When children are encouraged to recognize and discuss their feelings, they become more capable of forming meaningful relationships and handling social situations with compassion.
Building confidence and independence is another critical aspect of parenting. Children naturally seek opportunities to contribute and take responsibility, and when they are given the chance to do so, they feel capable and valued. For instance, at a Fourth of July barbecue, a group of children was given sidewalk chalk to draw on the deck with the understanding that they would clean up afterward. The experience allowed them to engage creatively while also reinforcing the concept of responsibility. Confidence and independence grow when children are trusted with meaningful tasks, encouraged to solve problems, and supported in learning from their mistakes. However, when parents micromanage or intervene too quickly, children may feel incapable or hesitant to take initiative. The way parents communicate also influences confidence—focusing on effort and strategies rather than just praising results teaches children that success comes from persistence and learning. Instead of saying, "You’re so smart," it’s more effective to highlight their approach, such as "I love how you kept trying different ways to solve that problem." This shift helps children develop resilience and a growth mindset, allowing them to navigate challenges with greater confidence.
Conversations also play a vital role in shaping children into open-minded, socially aware individuals. A story about an eighth-grader who dismissed someone based on their accent reveals how biases can stem from personal insecurities. In this case, the student had internalized concerns about his own family’s accents, leading him to distance himself from others with similar traits. Through open discussions, he was able to confront these feelings and develop greater empathy. Teaching children to engage in meaningful conversations, listen actively, and validate others’ emotions helps them build strong social connections. Encouraging open-mindedness involves more than just acknowledging differences—it requires celebrating them. Parents can model this by showing curiosity about different cultures, exposing children to diverse experiences, and encouraging critical thinking. When a child makes an assumption, asking reflective questions like "Why do you think that?" or "How might their experience be different from yours?" helps them develop a broader perspective. Small actions, such as trying foods from different cultures or learning about family history, reinforce the value of diversity and interconnectedness.
Creativity and learning thrive when play is embraced as a tool for exploration. Unfortunately, structured academic priorities often overshadow the importance of play. Many children, like the fifth-grader who dismissed a brainstorming game as pointless, fail to see the value in unstructured exploration. However, play fosters problem-solving skills, resilience, and innovation. When children turn everyday objects into imaginative tools, they engage in discovery and experimentation. Nobel Prize-winning scientists often credit their curiosity and playful thinking as the foundation for their breakthroughs. Yet, in many schools, playtime is reduced in favor of structured learning, limiting opportunities for creative thinking. Parents and educators can counter this by incorporating play into daily activities—posing open-ended questions, encouraging hands-on exploration, and reframing failure as part of learning. Simple activities, such as building with household items or inventing stories, reinforce curiosity and problem-solving skills in a way that structured lessons cannot.
Understanding a child’s temperament is crucial for effective communication and parenting. Each child has a unique blend of emotional responses, energy levels, and self-regulation skills. Recognizing these traits allows parents to adapt their approach, fostering cooperation rather than conflict. A spirited toddler who insists on doing things independently may be seen as stubborn, but reframing this trait as determination shifts the perspective. By respecting a child’s temperament while setting appropriate boundaries, parents create an environment where the child feels understood and supported. A practical strategy for navigating temperament differences is the ROOM framework—Recognize underlying issues, Organize responses around connection, Own up to mistakes, and Match communication to the child’s needs. Parents who adjust their approach based on their child’s personality find greater success in fostering cooperation and emotional growth.
The process of engaging in meaningful conversations and nurturing a child’s development does not require perfection, only presence and intention. By making rich talk a regular part of daily life, parents can strengthen their bond with their children and support their intellectual and emotional growth. Encouraging curiosity, fostering empathy, and promoting independence help children develop resilience and confidence. Tailoring communication to match a child’s temperament and celebrating their individuality allows them to flourish. The key to raising thoughtful, compassionate, and confident individuals lies in small, consistent efforts—conversations that validate their experiences, encourage exploration, and reinforce the belief that their voices matter. These everyday interactions shape children into capable, open-minded individuals who are prepared to navigate the world with empathy and curiosity.
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