a quarter star
i am absolutely traumatised, this is quite possibly the worst book i have ever read. unless the other books in this series are somehow worse than this, i don't think it can be outdone in its terribleness.
i don't even know where to begin because it did take me a month and a half to read this book and it's just so wildly forgettable.
this book had zero redeeming qualities. for starters, the main characters, sophie and liam were absolutely unbearable. of course liam was a super ripped blue-eyed man. if that doesn't tell you everything you need to know about that man, i don't know what will.
one thing that REALLY REALLY REALLY bothered me was sophie's dedication to being special and different. did you know that she's not like the others? well, she isn't. she may be a girl (forgive me for saying that word) but you know what? she doesn't eat salad. she cannot stand salad. SHE IS METAPHORICALLY ALLERGIC TO SALAD. but you know what she does eat? PASTA. who is sophie if not just a bunch of chewed up pasta walking around in some skin? she is pasta, pasta is her. pasta is her life. so don't even try to think that sophie will eat salad (forgive me for saying such forbidden words) because pasta exists. and when there is pasta, she has eyes for nothing else because just like sophie, pasta is quirky and unhealthy.
and you will NEVER EVER EVER see sophie set foot in a gym. because she's just too different for that. who cares about being healthy when you can be different?
"The same one with a personal movie theater, an arcade room, a gym I never step foot in, and a custom art room Liam set up for me."
sophie also LOVES graphic tees. she only wears graphic tees because they are so cool and funny. it's her personality trait at this point, so if you wear funny, cute, hilarious graphic tees, you are unoriginal, you can never be sophie (walking pasta). i was eyeing a 'fries before guys' shirt the other day,,, maybe sophie will have it in her vast collection of witty, humorous, intelligent, sarcastic graphic tees.
and if you're still not convinced that sophie is different and special,,, then you need to hear this:
sophie.. (prepare yourself for this groundbreaking piece of information)... wears... (are you sure you're ready?)... sneakers underneath her dresses 🤕🤕😧😧😧❗❗❗
you read that right.. she wears sneakers,,, UNDERNEATH HER DRESSES!!!!!*@&^#&*%#@
" I’m not a basic bitch. I’ve never been wired that way, ever since my dad bought me a Star Wars backpack instead of a princess one because no daughter of his believes in fairy tales."
guys she's not a basic bitch pls remember
and she made sure to be friends with a girl who is also not like the others
"I never gravitated toward girls in school, not liking how catty they got about grades and gossip, but Maya acts differently. Although very new, our friendship seems off to a good start."
so different... aren't they..??!! 😍😍😍
and if you didn't believe the unbelievable sneaker revelation,,, here is proof (from darling liam's pov!!!):
She (sophie) laughs as she pulls up the hem of her long gown to reveal a pair of white leather sneakers with embroidered stars. Fuck me. While all the women inside limp from too-tight shoes, she wears comfortable sneakers hidden from the world. And for the first time, I don’t prefer fuck-me heels. I want a pair of tan legs and silver starred sneakers wrapped around my waist instead.
and this wonderful paragraph allows me to give you a glimpse into the simpleton mind of hunky man liam. he disgusts me. the book starts off with him simping over his dead sister-in-law. i wish i were lying but i'm not, he called her a 'hot, quiet girl'. as you might have already guessed, liam has always had an exquisite taste in special and different girls. he just got carried away with his fuckboy ways in the middle there, but his heart has always belonged to girls who wear sneakers under their dresses and eat pasta all day while wearing a graphic tee that says 'eat pasta, run fasta'.
he is obviously always horny because how can it be a book in the dirty air series if we don't have a man who isn't always thinking sexual thoughts. liam's pov was such a delight to read!!! i loved, and i mean ABSOLUTELY LOVED reading about how much he loved looking at sophie in some silky dress (and sneakers ofc) with the neckline dipping to give him a view of things he wanted to lick. no no it was so delightful, if this is a woman writing a man, i can only imagine how much better actual men are. i would narrate more of liam's groundbreaking thoughts but no one describes it like the man himself.
"I don’t race in F1 for the drama. No, I race for trophies, titles, and titties."
ahahah that isn't totally disgusting and dehumanising,,, we love to see it liam 😊😊😊
"Sophie is no longer an eighteen-year-old I met three years ago. Legal enough to drink and legal enough to fuck—and yes, I’d like to fuck. One look at her gains my interest, my dick twitching against the zipper of my pants."
"There’s nothing worse than denying myself the hottest chick. I mentally pat my dick. Just you and me for now, pal."
i love the self confidence,,, he didn't even stop to consider that 'the hottest chick' doesn't want him because he is just that amazing and hot
"I was tempted to forget about Sophie’s idea of friends. I’m an idiot to agree to something platonic when I want to fuck Sophie into next month."
"I want to be respectful, but I sneak a peek or two at a perfect pair of tits, her pink nipples barely visible underwater. If she asks, I’ll deny it."
i think that's enough for today, revisiting these makes me want to cry
there are worse examples but i am quite done reading through liam's pov for disgusting stuff he has said. he also said something about how hOt cHicKs like sophie make it difficult to work out in the gym when they're looking so hOt and tAstY.
liam was so annoying. he threw a whole hissy fit over how his sister-in-law died and that ruined his perception of love which is why he couldn't love anyone which is just the worst excuse i have heard. he made such a big deal over her death, i mean, even his brother reconciled himself to the fact that she was dead, but NOOOO liam just needs to be sad and miserable and broken doesn't he? it didn't even make sense because he'd just start being extremely overdramatic and he never made it past the 2nd stage of grief because he needs to be a troubled bad boy because GOD FORBID ONE OF THE PEOPLE IN THESE SHITTY ROMANCE BOOKS NOT HAVE SOME UNNECESSARY, BADLY WRITTEN PAST TRAUMA.
the part where sophie confesses her love to liam was quite something.
1. why would anyone love liam?
2. his reaction was, "wtf bro why do you wanna mess everything up with love?"
3. it was very odd
4. noah and maya were in the scene which made it worse than it already was
5. here are liam's exact words: "I don’t know why you’re ending our friendship. Just get over your feelings and let’s go back to normal."
JUST GET OVER YOUR FEELINGS. no liam i totally get you, why would she want to end your friendship after confessing she loves you and then you say that you just want to have sex? it's what i hope to hear if i ever fall in love. honestly, liam, setting the bar TOOOO high here, my guy.
and then i have to read endless chapters about sophie moping about how liam doesn't love her. even though personally i feel that she dodged a bullet. and liam's pov is even more invigorating and beautifully written as he anguishes over whether to choose a LOT of money or pasta girl. then OF COURSE he finds out that he has other options and that his agent was being a 'con man'. because OF COURSE he will still get a LOT of money. so in the end he gets the girl and the money.
lauren asher's weak attempt at the will they/won't they romance was terrible and i have to say that chuck and blair did it way better. liam and sophie can just eat pasta and wear sneakers with formal clothing.
speaking of clothing, theirs was terrible.
Sophie barrels into the pit garage, rocking a beers not tears shirt with ripped jeans and Nikes.
We finish getting ready for the night. I choose ripped jeans, a slogan T-shirt I knot at the bottom to look cute, and a pair of booties. The outfit is a nod to my inner rock star.
Sophie stuns me, truly one of the most natural beauties I’ve encountered, not caring about much makeup or dressing up in seductive outfits to gain attention. She doesn’t have a single fuck to give, with slogan tees becoming her uniform.
i had to include this i'm sorry
there's nothing about liam because of course the main focus is how horny he is. but moving on, i have to dedicate a special section to terrible descriptions of eyes. i don't know how i made it this far without mentioning that sophie has green eyes because i was certainly not allowed to forget.
"Her green eyes widen in recognition, the two spheres reminding me of the rich forests surrounding my home in Germany."
and liam's beautiful blue eyes of course,,,
"Liam Zander. Prim signature blonde hair, glacial blue eyes rivaling my art class pastels, and a brilliant smile that blinds me worse than a strobe light—a deadly temptation for my self-restraint."
art class pastels
I turn my head to find Liam staring at me, the blue shade of his eyes darker than usual.
obligatory sentence, why did people have to find out about pupils dilating?
I hold my breath as my eyes meet two icy blue ones, the color of melting glaciers in the Arctic.
wouldn't melting glaciers be transparent? IT'S WATER
and i could write my own thoughts but pasting random sentences from the book is way easier so here are some other things i hated
"What’s the point of attending university if I’m going to live in my dorm, barely associating with others, experiencing sex once a year with a fellow bumbling accounting major?"
i mean, i can't believe she's studying??? what is this??? high school??? i can't believe she has the nerve to do all of these things in college. i am absolutely disgusted, when i graduate from high school TRUST ME i will not be doing any of these scandalous things sophie is doing (or should i say not doing?). I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED at how she can have this strange college experience when she should be having a normal one full of drugs, alcohol, skipping ALL of her classes, NEVER setting foot into her dorm, having sex every 2 hours...
"I’m not going to get eaten alive out in the real world. You raised me better than that. If I survived an all-girls school and three years at uni, I think I can make it out there."
as someone who spent several years in an all-girls school, as long as you manage interact with people other than girls in your everyday life, you really aren't that disconnected from reality. it isn't that bad. and most girls are nice. they're not there to gossip about you and rip your face off, they're just there because it's school?? life isn't an american tv show set in a private school written by someone who hasn't ever been to one.
here's liam calling himself a nice guy, in case you came here to laugh
"The thing about being the nice guy is how no one sees how corroded my heart is—how it leaks acid like an old car battery."
and this because as soon as i know even the tiniest bit of information about something i feel like i suddenly have the right to speak about it:
“See you later, Maya. And Noah, grow a pair or drop the grumpy attitude.” I throw them a peace sign for good effort, hoping to send some positive Gandhi vibes their way.
yess me everyday aspiring to send positive gandhi vibes to everyone. it was namaste in bed in the last book and gandhi in this one,,, i feel so seen and represented.
super racist moment:
"Whoever came up with the statement B.F.E. clearly hasn’t been to China. It’s far, like probably the farthest I’ll ever travel in my lifetime."
i didn't even know what b.f.e was and i had to look it up and i have to say i am absolutely disgusted. is she really saying that the third largest country in the world (i mean area-wise) is in the middle of nowhere? is she really saying that it's remote, unsophisticated and dull? lauren asher's love for europe and north america is really showing.
not to mention sophie says some uneducated shit about not wanting to sing k-pop in China???????? i am appalled.
to state the obvious, i really hated it. i almost cried reading this. it was just that bad. i would have never forgiven myself if this was the first book that made me cry. anyway, the Germans have liam now,,, suddenly wishing i was German,,, or at least American so that i'd be something like my pasta, graphic tee girl sophie😞😞😞
p.s. i haven't edited this so if i made any mistakes please pretend that i didn't