Get Over Here: A Single's Guide to Building Meaningful Community

by Melissa Zaldivar

Singleness isn't a problem to be solved. It's not a phase, a stage, or a season. It's just another route to togetherness. Because regardless of relationship status, we all have the same desire for nearness, understanding, and love. We all need friendships and dinner parties, celebrations and commiseration, lament and commitment. We all need community--and we all need Jesus.

Through her relatable storytelling, deep theological insight, and practical wisdom, Melissa Zaldivar offers a refreshing take on being single in the church. She shows single people how to intentionally build authentic, life-giving relationships that put our mutual faith in Christ at the center rather than the cultural trappings of dating, marriage, parenthood, and other false distinctions.

Your community is waiting. Let's come to one another with open arms and proclaim, "Get over here!" with joy and hope.

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian

208 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2025

About the author

Melissa Zaldivar holds a Master’s Degree in Theology from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. As a freelance writer, she has told the story of Jesus in contexts from Bible studies to articles with a voice that is young and honest. Walking through intense experiences throughout her life, she has learned that God is constantly present, even during the darkest of seasons and hopes to share that hope with her readers. She’s the founder of Camping Out, a blog that wrestles with the intersection of theology and the ordinary. She lives in Boston, MA.

Reviews

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

“We don’t just need one hug at church on Sunday or eye contact at brunch on Saturday morning. We don’t just need one encouraging text message or one long drive to see something beautiful. No, we need a thousand tiny points of connection, each contributing to our well-being. As adults, it feels juvenile to ask for someone to give us a hug or to see us or to offer what feels like a rudimentary sense of belonging to have connection because it is something that our God has based every relationship on.” (p. 71)

If you’re single and tired of Christian books insisting on a promised eventual marriage in response to your contentment and/or fatigue, this book is a breath of fresh air that neither downplays the hard, lonely parts nor ignores the unique preciousness of the single road.
Melissa’s voice as a writer was made for showcasing her point: “You have a place in the body of Christ and we are here to help carry you. You have a unique voice God has given you and it blesses someone. Pull up a chair.” It’s friendly and sincere; a voice we need when we’re talking about singleness and building up a village.

She writes from the middle of it—not on the outside of singleness, but from her own experiences as a single woman in her 30s. The book doesn’t focus on community as solely means and reason for marriage. Rather, it demonstrates the original intention and promise of God’s design for us—for community, closeness, connection, communication and more. I love that this doesn’t bemoan marriage as a lesser choice either, but challenges isolation and comforts grief equally and talks about why single people need married friends and married friends need single ones. The book feels like the Jo monologue from the 2019 Little Women movie meets Jesus (this is a compliment because both make me feel seen lol).






This book is the unique perspective of a single Christian written towards anyone who’s felt lonely (married or not). For me, it taps on this question: “Where does Love Himself really live and how do I get to know Him?”

[Sarah Hilkemann · Rating 4 out of 5]

I so appreciate Melissa’s approach to singleness and community in this book. She shares vulnerably but also gives practical advice and wise insights. This would be a helpful book to read and discuss for churches, small groups or with friends.

[Brooke Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

You know when you’re talking to a close friend and they say something that just makes you feel seen? That’s what reading “Get Over Here” is like. There have been so many times where I stopped reading and said out loud — alone in my apartment! — “she gets it!”

Not only does Melissa get it (commiseration is so important), but she offers a route forward. Whether you’re single, married, friends with singles, friends with married people, (so…all of us? Amen?) read this book. You either are the person who needs to feel seen, or you can take on the beautiful task of allowing someone to feel seen exactly where they are. Written with great care, a tender voice, and wonderfully practical applications, Melissa presents a book that the Church NEEDS.

[Heidi Lara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I started reading this book but I’ve come to love Melissa’s personal stories of community. No vague scenarios here! Very real things she has lived herself. I have often been told I have walls up and I do. I have recently been encouraged to let people in again. I do or I try to and then I get scared and run off. But I’m finding out that’s not how I want to live anymore. This is probably one of my favorite books to read so far into 2025. I love the vulnerability with which Melissa shares and I’m starting to believe what she’s shared in this book. The piece about singleness being a route to the same destination as others. Who knew?!

[Ruth Potinu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved Melissa's perspective about how singleness is a route and not a season. This book is a great reminder that while we may all be on a different journey, we all need community.

[Maddie Dumas · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are married, don’t let that turn you away from this book! I learned so much about how to love my single friends well. Melissa’s heart and careful way of explaining struggles and ordinary day to day as a single person life was incredibly enlightening. I don’t ever want ignorance to be a reason that I hurt someone, even unintentionally. I don’t want to claim “I just didn’t know”. This is one of those books that gives me a reason to say “I know better, so now I can do better.” Her stories of companionship were very moving, and I loved the way she beautifully wove the Gospel into her pages as well. All around, this is a book I plan on buying as gifts and wholeheartedly recommending to others.

[Brittany · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being single, I've read my share of books on singleness. There are more moments in this one where I desperately wish I could make all the married people around me read it than I usually find. Melissa does an incredible job allowing me to feel seen and known as a single person.

This book does assume that the reader WANTS to be married. It also, though pretty subtly, assumes the reader has not previously been married.

But this is a good book and I do have friends with whom I'm already considering sharing this book.

(Note: I received early access to this book though participation in the launch team. However, all opinions are my own.)

[Sarah Putman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Melissa has such a gentle and connective way of saying things I’ve felt and talked about with others for years without quite the succinct way of saying it. I appreciate her gentleness in broaching all the needs that every human heart was created with and the various routes we find ourselves on and the ease/difficulty we may find in meeting said needs. There is a place for everyone at the table and a need for all to be present. Her writing invites a sense of being known and being friends/connected even though I don’t know her personally. It’s a breath of fresh air on the topic of singleness and how we all connect and highlighting the ways we are all the same as opposed to focusing on marital status differences.

[Isabelle Hume · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book about singleness, yes, and for everyone in need of community. Everyone always says it takes a village to raise a kid, well why does that village need to go away once the kid is an adult? Melissa takes us on a route through this book about drawing attention to the necessity of community and loving on everyone whether single or not. She has a wonderful way of making everyone feel included in the route we are taken on and expresses the meaningfulness of finding and keeping your people because your village/community are what keep you going through all the encounters you may have on the route you are traveling. I recommend this book and will be purchasing it for future gifting as it resonates with people in all walks of life.

[Megan Tyler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been looking forward to this book for months, and I just knew that it was going to be good, but it has already exceeded my expectations. I have never felt so seen and understood as a single woman in my thirties, and that was just in the intro! Melissa speaks truth and wisdom in these pages that will not just have an impact on the unmarried people who pick it up but also on the married people who want to better love and connect with their unmarried friends.

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started following Melissa Zaldivar on Instagram years ago and I’ve been struck by the intelligent and yet very human thoughts she shares as a single Christian. When I saw that she wrote a book on the topic I was eager to read it. In her introduction she advises to read it slowly and I found that very hard to do since the text was so relatable and engaging. Zaldivar divides the book into 9 needs: companionship, commiseration, connection, commitment, communication, consistency, closeness, courage, and community. She says “being single allows us to be sensitive to the needs we have as humans when we do not have a partner helping fill in some of the gaps.” The 9 needs are not unique to singles but we may be more aware of their absence and have to be proactive in getting them met. Even though singles are the target audience, all humans could benefit from it. ARC from NetGalley

[Allie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want all my married friends to read this - actually all my friends, single or married, because there is so much to discuss!

[Holley · Rating 5 out of 5]

so real. so relatable. so many laughs + tears + highlights + scribbled “amen!”s. This gal gets it. The true joys and oh-so-pains of singleness within Christian community. Sound theology and relevancy shared with empathy, lived wisdom and stern truth needed to sink deep.

“And we do not wake up one day suddenly content with being single. No, our character and contentedness ebb and flow, developing over time like weather patterns or worn trails that cut through the woods and offer a way forward for others.” 🫶

“You can live a connected, committed, and courageous life now. You can experience commiseration, closeness, and community now. You can know companionship, consistency, and good communication now.” ‼️🔥

“I do believe that on this side of eternity, where grief is inevitable and fear is tangible and the insecurities we carry are prevalent, it is no small grace that we can look around to our community and see evidence of the Lord's faithfulness and have it bolster our faith.” 😌🗣️

(What I wish more marrieds understood)
“Other people may have a partner to process these questions with, but that's a luxury we just can't afford. It isn't an option for us to turn to a partner and say, "What do you think?" Our circumstances may seem similar, but the way we experience those circumstances is wildly different.
It's not that our troubles are more significant or our experiences more profound; we're just facing them without the warmth of another person standing shoulder to shoulder with us, walking hand in hand into the unknown. No, we take each step forward by ourselves.”

“What if we were known for hosting parties, not just longing for a plus-on?” YES 😃

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciate Melissa’s honesty and vulnerability in sharing her stories as a single person with us in this book. My favorite chapters are Connection, Courage, and Community. This book isn’t just for single people; it’s for anyone who desires to intentionally connect with people around them. Thanks Melissa, for a beautifully written third book! I love her other two books as well~What Cannot Be Lost and Kingdom Come.

[Madison Botkin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not a usual read for me - but felt like I was chatting with an old friend! This book is just as much for marrieds as it is for singles - a quick read with some pretty simple reminders for anyone in community!!

[Shauna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel so proud of reading these words that I was able to watch form in Melissa’s heart and mind as she gave a language to something that desperately needed to be articulated well and to the glory of God.

I have not been single since I was 16. Yet I read her words, and they are for me as well; to help me understand those who have had a different path and also to speak to my own unexpected detours. If you live in community with others, this book is for you. Period. As only a good writer can do, Melissa expresses the things that I would not understand about being single by connecting it to a bigger picture of what I can relate to. We are all human, we are created by the same God, and for the same ultimate purpose. Thank you dear friend for speaking the hard and true and lovely things all at once.

[Kelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book isn't about singleness so much as about community. Everyone needs companionship, commiseration, connection, commitment, communication, consistency, closeness, courage, & community, and everyone has times when they struggle to find them. You don't need to be single to be challenged and encouraged by Melissa in the pursuit of community or to be comforted by her reminders that Jesus provides for each of our needs.

It's still important to speak about these needs specifically in the context of singleness because often we expect all of them to be filled (first, if not exclusively) by marriage. (From what I've seen, that expectation is as unfair for married people as for single people.) It's still important to spell out how - at times - being single can leave someone without support and community because - at times - in the church the focus is so much more on marriage and family, even unintentionally. Someone's spouse or kids are physically there to remind us to ask about them and to see the joys and challenges they bring; weddings and baby showers and milestone birthdays and anniversaries are big events that can be photographed and attended. Even many of the hard things like sleepless babies, marital struggles, and toddler meltdowns are concrete. I will fiercely maintain that being single is not primarily about the absence of marriage and family, but it is hard for me to talk about what I have going on in my life - the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly - without the tactile and visible reminders to others of what my life encompasses. (Asking me about my dating life doesn't count. Asking me about my cat definitely does.)

Please don't hear me claiming a person's life is harder by being unmarried. I'm not, and constant comparisons just tear us all down. But I am saying that being single isn't neutral. It has challenges and joys that are unique, and it is an act of love and friendship - an act of community - to listen to the stories. Making this space for singles makes space for married people to share the hidden parts too; we all should benefit.

Here's a quick example of how I have felt some of these needs in a way specific to be single. About a month ago, I'd had a busy week of work and community and then spent most of Saturday volunteering at a wedding at church. I went to bed exhausted, knowing my commitments weren't done. Around 2:45 Sunday morning, the police called me to say that two of my car windows had been shattered in an incident outside my house. I went out to talk to them (alone) before going back to bed (alone) and lying awake, trying to figure out what to do (alone). I live in the city; my car was parked on the street and now completely open to the environment. I was on the schedule to teach children's ministry at church in about 6 hours, and I knew I wouldn't be able to find a substitute teacher. I didn't have a spouse to strategize with or divide and conquer with; he couldn't take the car to get fixed while I took the kids to church to fulfill the commitments our family had made to our community. There wasn't a second income to help pay for this unexpected expense. No one else shared with me the primary responsibility to take care of our life and keep our obligations. But I did have friends. I intentionally live close to some, and I knew that I could ask to leave my car on their off-street parking spot and get a ride to church and that they'd say yes. I did, and they did. When I got to their house, they also invited me to sit down for a few minutes and commiserated with me. One of them was off work the next day and even offered to take my car to the shop for me. Having this community didn't make me un-single or take away all the pressure of needing to make and pay for decisions on my own, but it did give me people to stand beside me, witness the experience, and expand my capacity beyond what I could do as one person. I was single, but I wasn't singular.

Melissa patiently spells out how she has felt the needs in her own life as a single person. The experience of being single isn't monolithic, any more than the experience of being a spouse or parent. Some parts of her experience resonated with me more than others; often I would describe what she's saying in different words if you were to ask me about it. Our lives have been different. It's not my place to tell you how you'll feel, but if you're single, I hope you will read this book and feel, as I did, the love of a friend who has worked hard to spell out some parts of her life that overlap with yours. If you're married, I hope you will read this book and both (a) feel seen and encouraged in the ways community is hard yet good for everyone and (b) get to learn a bit about what life is like on a different road than yours.

We all need empathy and cheering on. That's what Melissa does, and I'm grateful.

[Katie Betts · Rating 5 out of 5]

Singleness isn’t a problem to fix but a path to deeper connection. With honest storytelling and practical wisdom, this book invites you to build authentic, Christ-centered relationships beyond cultural expectations of marriage or dating. Discover the beauty of friendship, community, and shared faith—because we all need one another, and we all need Jesus.

This is the 11th book I’ve picked up on singleness in the past year and only the second I’ve actually finished (go check out @ryanwekenman’s Single Today for the other winner ). What is it about writing about singleness that makes it so vulnerable to accurately describe? I think part of the issue is the way the Church idolizes marriage above singleness that produces insecurity in what someone reveals. But you don’t have to worry about that here—

Melissa gracefully articulates the need for community we all yearn for and offers effortless insight into how churches often fail to prioritize it for those who are single. Her offered commiseration will immediately have you screaming ‘she gets it!’ as her writing begins to feel like a true friend. Though she does offer really practical examples of how you can build meaningful community as a single in a Christian world built for married couples, I think what you’ll be thankful for most is her permission to actually do so.

Thank you @revellfiction for the eARC 🥰 This is easily one of my favorite books of the year.

Perfect for you if you like:
Singleness without marriage as the ultimate destination
Christ-centered community over cultural expectations
Writing that feels like a wise, understanding friend

Similar to:
Single Today by Ryan Wekenman
7 Myths about Singleness

[Brooke Ferrari · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️♾️
Get Over Here by Melissa Zaldivar is the book I didn’t know I was waiting for but absolutely needed. As someone who has wrestled with the stereotypes and societal norms around singleness, especially within faith-based spaces, I found this book to be an absolute gift. Zaldivar approaches the topic with such grace, wisdom, honesty, and bravery. Her words affirmed something I didn’t even realize I needed: the reminder that there is not something wrong with me, and I am not someone that is broken and in need of fixing. I can just exist and be me, enjoying my life as it is, without having to fix being single as if it’s some flaw in character.

This book doesn’t just explore singleness; it challenges the tired narratives around it and replaces them with truth, dignity, and hope. I’m so grateful Melissa had the courage to write this book. It’s one thing to process these thoughts privately, but another to speak them aloud for others to hear and heal from.

It was a meaningful, validating, and beautifully written read. 5/5 stars—more if I could.

Also, thank you for the ARC. I feel lucky to have read this early

[Julia Bernhardt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Singleness is not a curse - it is a rich gift...but it can also be hard. Melissa Zaldivar is compassionate, articulate, and honest, and the book reads like a conversation. Well worth a read, and not just for single people!

For singles, it offers encouragement toward Christ-centered community, validation of regular life things we experience that may be different from our married friends, and language to articulate our experiences and needs.

For married friends, it illuminates some of the unique challenges to singleness, with a desire to increase empathy and offer encouragement for how to care for single loved ones - it can be as simple as a hug.

Single or married, we all have the same basic needs, and we are all traveling on a path together, with Christ as the ultimate goal. In Get Over Here, Melissa helps us bridge the gap so that we can better walk this route toward holiness together.

[Jessi Colund · Rating 5 out of 5]

A much-needed book about creating a community where single people and married people can build deep relationships and support one another. As a married person, I'm getting wonderful ideas for how to support my single friends and also how to build and invest in community in my life. Melissa's conversational style, memorable anecdotes, and beautiful yet unexpected metaphors make this book so fun and engaging to read. It feels like you're having coffee with a supportive, encouraging, and wise friend! Highly recommend.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Melissa. I feel so seen. Your writing is so relatable and steeped in deep truths. I love that this book is both for single people and for anyone who loves a single person- and can give insight into how to love them better.

It’s even encouraged me just this week to get out of my head a little and actually text people I love, have phone dates, and accept an invitation for lunch that also turned into dinner.

Jesus is SO good and never for one second has he withheld his goodness from me. I just need to remind myself of that daily.

[RG]

Main ideas include: show up for people in the mundane and extraordinary ways we all need; learn to ask them to show up for you in kind. Learn to belong with people who aren't like you; learn to invite people to belong with you. Ask for and offer hugs. Being unmarried is not a disease and being married is not its cure; singleness is another route toward Jesus, and sometimes quite a sweet one.

If you liked this book, I'd recommend Greg Coles's No Longer Strangers (it's probably right up your alley).

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a tender, vulnerable, honest explanation of singleness that few have the bravery to discuss, especially in the realm of the church. It's a wonderful book to affirm lifelong singles, help those who are single due to divorce or death, and educate married couples. It's rare to find this level of validation for struggles, as well as practical suggestions for dealing with the unique challenges of single life. I'm putting it on my Best of 2025 Books list.

[Winter Gerlach · Rating 5 out of 5]

I totally wasn't sure about this book when my mother sent it my way. I don't usually read this genre of books but I decided to give it a go. This book was so much better than I could have ever guessed. It was such a genuine look into singleness and how to build community. With topics such as consistency, connectedness, and courage there was so much to dive into. I'm excited to follow these principles going forward!

[Linda Lou · Rating 5 out of 5]

Six stars if I could. Melissa says everything that married people in the church need to know(and they're still going to resist it, they all want to think they're doing a great job) and everything singles already know but desperately need to hear validated. And if you aren't lucky enough to be part of a church like mine, you may not have heard all of these things said about you and you really need to. Get this book in your hands and then pass it on to all your married friends.

[Brecken Mumford · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book felt like one long conversation with a friend. Melissa echoed a lot of thoughts and emotions I have walked through myself and seen in the lives of my friends. I think it would be a balm to a single friend in need of the encouragement that you are not alone, you are seen, and you are more than your marital status. Especially if you don't seem to have the community/connection you crave. I appreciated many of the point she shared.

[Emily King · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not me underlining every word of every page. This book was so relatable and brought tears to my eyes multiple times. It is also full of encouraging truths. I want to buy a copy and make every person I know read it so they can understand what it means to be single and how they can better love the single people they know—and also how single & married people can do a better job of being in community with each other. If I could give this book 10 stars, I would!

[Roxanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author does an excellent job getting her point across.

Being single should not be a status that is "less than" any other status. Churches need to get on board and create a community for those who are single.

I will pass along this book to my Church leadership.

I won a copy from Goodreads.

[Adrienne Barrilleaux · Rating 4 out of 5]

As an introvert, this book is such a great reminder of the community we need as a single person. This book is not just for singles but everyone. It can be easy as a single person to sick to being alone but Get Over Here shares stories of how community can bring such richness to your life.