What do you think?
Rate this book
Maya Blue: A Memoir of Survival
For fans of Breaking Bad and Narcos, a searingly honest and unforgettable memoir that challenges women to rethink everything they know about survival, resilience, and finding their voice.
At twenty-one, Brenda Coffee surrendered herself to her marriage and became a woman who would do almost anything her charismatic and powerful older husband, Philip Ray, wanted. Regardless of whether it was dangerous, adventurous, sexual, or illegal, she wanted to be the one woman he couldn’t live without.
Brenda and Philip’s life together was a fairy tale until it wasn’t. Until Philip, the founder of two high-profile, groundbreaking public companies, began making real cocaine in their basement and became addicted. Until the Big Six tobacco companies threatened their lives for creating the first smokeless cigarette—Brenda coined the terms vape and vaping—and brutal Guatemalan military commandos forced her into the jungle at gunpoint.
A suspenseful, fast-paced memoir that reads like a thriller, Maya Blue will strike a chord with those who’ve lost their voice or had trouble finding their power. It will resonate with those who live with an addict or have grieved the loss of a spouse. But above all, it is an inspiring reminder that as long as you never surrender your voice and always keep your wits about you, you can survive almost anything.
At twenty-one, Brenda Coffee surrendered herself to her marriage and became a woman who would do almost anything her charismatic and powerful older husband, Philip Ray, wanted. Regardless of whether it was dangerous, adventurous, sexual, or illegal, she wanted to be the one woman he couldn’t live without.
Brenda and Philip’s life together was a fairy tale until it wasn’t. Until Philip, the founder of two high-profile, groundbreaking public companies, began making real cocaine in their basement and became addicted. Until the Big Six tobacco companies threatened their lives for creating the first smokeless cigarette—Brenda coined the terms vape and vaping—and brutal Guatemalan military commandos forced her into the jungle at gunpoint.
A suspenseful, fast-paced memoir that reads like a thriller, Maya Blue will strike a chord with those who’ve lost their voice or had trouble finding their power. It will resonate with those who live with an addict or have grieved the loss of a spouse. But above all, it is an inspiring reminder that as long as you never surrender your voice and always keep your wits about you, you can survive almost anything.
280 pages, Paperback
Published May 20, 2025
10 people are currently reading
6637 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews
March 31, 2025
MAYA BLUE A Memoir of Survival
by Brenda Coffee
Thank you to NetGalley and Susie Stangland for the ARC ebook
“It was a fairytale until it wasn’t.”
A harrowing memoir that truly reads like a thriller. Brenda Coffee at the young age of twenty-one married and became totally enamoured with her charismatic and powerful husband, Philip Ray. Brenda wanted to please him in all ways and be the woman he couldn’t live without….till her world falls apart. From a cocaine lab in her basement, to the Big Six tobacco companies threats, to the Guatemalan Army pulling her from the car and forcing her into the jungle, Brenda’s raw writing sheds light on her life that is anything but normal, and reveals the dark sides of her life.
I honestly could not believe the strength and resilience Brenda had to endure the things she went through. She talks of having to be the parent instead of the child and caretaker instead of a wife, learning not to get too excited or too hopeful, too down or too afraid. This is a fast-paced unbelievable read and I highly recommend it. I think it would be a great discussion for book clubs. Pub date is May 20, 2025. Maya Blue, is a metaphor for strength and resilience.
by Brenda Coffee
Thank you to NetGalley and Susie Stangland for the ARC ebook
“It was a fairytale until it wasn’t.”
A harrowing memoir that truly reads like a thriller. Brenda Coffee at the young age of twenty-one married and became totally enamoured with her charismatic and powerful husband, Philip Ray. Brenda wanted to please him in all ways and be the woman he couldn’t live without….till her world falls apart. From a cocaine lab in her basement, to the Big Six tobacco companies threats, to the Guatemalan Army pulling her from the car and forcing her into the jungle, Brenda’s raw writing sheds light on her life that is anything but normal, and reveals the dark sides of her life.
I honestly could not believe the strength and resilience Brenda had to endure the things she went through. She talks of having to be the parent instead of the child and caretaker instead of a wife, learning not to get too excited or too hopeful, too down or too afraid. This is a fast-paced unbelievable read and I highly recommend it. I think it would be a great discussion for book clubs. Pub date is May 20, 2025. Maya Blue, is a metaphor for strength and resilience.
May 5, 2025
This is an amazing life story written by a amazing woman. I highly recommend it.
Read
January 1, 2025*** I DON'T RATE MEMOIRS ***
This was a such an intense read!❤️🩹
Describing it as "fans of breaking bad" is so accurate in the most heartbreaking way possible
"I wanted to be like no woman Philip has met or ever would meet. I wanted to be the one he couldn’t live without. I’ve reinvented myself; a woman who does almost anything he wants whether it’s adventurous, dangerous, sexual, or illegal, but I’ve done more than that. I’m complicit in a drug lab"
Maya Blue -- a memoir by Brenda Coffee
Publication date: May 20th 2025
This memoir had me from the first page if I'm honest, the wording, the emotions in the introduction to the memoir were intriguing
Another aspect that I loved about this book is that it reads like a thriller which as a thriller reader this was a bonus so in a sense this memoir is gripping, not the usual type of feel you get when reading a memoir
"He described our relationship: This is my train, and you’re welcome to ride it. If at any time you don’t like the destination, you’re free to get off, but you won’t find a better ride anywhere", I'm driven by this low-grade fear that I might be asked to get off at the next stop. Everything I do is because ofand for him since the day we started seeing one another"
This is one of those reads that will stay with me! A truly inspiring story of survival, strength and hope!
Thank you NetGalley for providing me with a copy of Maya Blue - A memoir by Brenda Coffee
This was a such an intense read!❤️🩹
Describing it as "fans of breaking bad" is so accurate in the most heartbreaking way possible
"I wanted to be like no woman Philip has met or ever would meet. I wanted to be the one he couldn’t live without. I’ve reinvented myself; a woman who does almost anything he wants whether it’s adventurous, dangerous, sexual, or illegal, but I’ve done more than that. I’m complicit in a drug lab"
Maya Blue -- a memoir by Brenda Coffee
Publication date: May 20th 2025
This memoir had me from the first page if I'm honest, the wording, the emotions in the introduction to the memoir were intriguing
Another aspect that I loved about this book is that it reads like a thriller which as a thriller reader this was a bonus so in a sense this memoir is gripping, not the usual type of feel you get when reading a memoir
"He described our relationship: This is my train, and you’re welcome to ride it. If at any time you don’t like the destination, you’re free to get off, but you won’t find a better ride anywhere", I'm driven by this low-grade fear that I might be asked to get off at the next stop. Everything I do is because ofand for him since the day we started seeing one another"
This is one of those reads that will stay with me! A truly inspiring story of survival, strength and hope!
Thank you NetGalley for providing me with a copy of Maya Blue - A memoir by Brenda Coffee
May 29, 2025
When will I learn my lesson NOT to type out my reviews in the GoodReads app!?Seriously!!! UGH!! Lost it all and it was literally perfect 😭😭 Here’s a less perfect one of me trying to remember everything I said.
A heart-racing yet beautiful story from beginning to end. When I read that this will read like a Netflix documentary I wasn’t too sure about that, but I was surprisingly shocked to see that it indeed does read like one. Couldn’t recommend more. This story is wild! And a must read. While I’ve known big tobacco is horrible, I had no clue the extent they would go to. It’s shocking.
I have to say that the same reason this author stopped talking about her life and trauma is the same reason why I don’t. Life is messy, crazy, tragic, but also beautiful. This book reached into my soul and consumed me completely. The writing and pacing are spectacular, I promise you won’t be able to put this one down.
I also love the reason behind the title and book cover. I listened to the audio of this book while following along and you can easily listen at 2x, making for a 4hr read.
We believe you, we hear you, you aren’t alone. Sending all the love. As someone who gave up cigarettes for vaping, (I hope to quit eventually) this real story is fascinating and scary!
A heart-racing yet beautiful story from beginning to end. When I read that this will read like a Netflix documentary I wasn’t too sure about that, but I was surprisingly shocked to see that it indeed does read like one. Couldn’t recommend more. This story is wild! And a must read. While I’ve known big tobacco is horrible, I had no clue the extent they would go to. It’s shocking.
I have to say that the same reason this author stopped talking about her life and trauma is the same reason why I don’t. Life is messy, crazy, tragic, but also beautiful. This book reached into my soul and consumed me completely. The writing and pacing are spectacular, I promise you won’t be able to put this one down.
I also love the reason behind the title and book cover. I listened to the audio of this book while following along and you can easily listen at 2x, making for a 4hr read.
We believe you, we hear you, you aren’t alone. Sending all the love. As someone who gave up cigarettes for vaping, (I hope to quit eventually) this real story is fascinating and scary!
October 22, 2025
*Thank you to Simon and Shuster for this ARC**
This feels like reading a memoir but in two parts. It’s not cohesive. The author has certainly lived an interesting life. Throughout the entire book (until very close to the end), I wanted to send her “codependent no more” because my goodness, she is a certified train wreck when it comes to men. She reports that she has worked through that by the end so I commend her for that. I found much of her story fascinating. The first half about the brilliant coke-head husband who created the first computer amongst other inventions who was always on a rampage was especially entertaining. Some parts were hard to read (Guatemala) and her husband’s passing from cancer but I was enthralled and would recommend reading this. If, for no other reason, to feel better about your own life and neuroses.
This feels like reading a memoir but in two parts. It’s not cohesive. The author has certainly lived an interesting life. Throughout the entire book (until very close to the end), I wanted to send her “codependent no more” because my goodness, she is a certified train wreck when it comes to men. She reports that she has worked through that by the end so I commend her for that. I found much of her story fascinating. The first half about the brilliant coke-head husband who created the first computer amongst other inventions who was always on a rampage was especially entertaining. Some parts were hard to read (Guatemala) and her husband’s passing from cancer but I was enthralled and would recommend reading this. If, for no other reason, to feel better about your own life and neuroses.
January 24, 2025
I felt really conflicted on my review of this book - I enjoyed parts of it, especially the beginning when Brenda describes how her and her husband got tied up in the industry but found the writing to be repetitious and superfluous. There were multiple times where the writing was all over the place and I had to try and remember what previously happened to regain some clarity.
This book was interesting but I think there needs to be some further editing and continuity considerations.
Thank you to NetGalley & SheWritesPress for an advanced copy for review.
This book was interesting but I think there needs to be some further editing and continuity considerations.
Thank you to NetGalley & SheWritesPress for an advanced copy for review.
August 8, 2025
Brenda Coffee's new book called Maya Blue is remarkable in its uniqueness and relatability. That's what will help this memoir that reads like a thriller continue soaring in popularity. Netflix: have I got a recommendation for you! Revealing the profound depth and breadth of sexual and gendered violence against women, and the different points in time that it manifested in her life, Brenda also does an outstanding job of shedding light on how and why women keep these things, which are painfully common, secret. Coffee is so honest and vulnerable in her telling of why she wore a mask of complacency and strength for so long. It was part of her survival strategy, whether it was in the Spy house on the hill while Philip tinkered with tobacco-less products and formulated grade A cocaine, when she daringly escaped her jungle rapist, or when she got a botched abortion in a roadside motel many decades ago. She worked tirelessly to keep it together and so many women do that in their everyday lives and singular events or wretched relationships they stay in for years. Coffee is a fantastic storyteller and I whipped through the book, which will make an excellent and inspiring movie or Netflix series. Thank you, Brenda. HIGHLY HIGHLY RECOMMEND.
May 14, 2025
Author Brenda Coffee's story is extraordinary. At the age of twenty one, she was married to Philip, several years her senior. She would have done anything for him...and did. He was a scientist in his own right, experimenting in their basement of Spy House on the Hill. Brenda became adept at restoration projects on their home which many years earlier had Nazi spies living in it. Brenda and Philip were surprised to discover a secret room. But what that basement turned into was a secret, too, and the couple stopped having friends over. With good reason. Philip was manufacturing cocaine. Brenda was understandably worried for many reasons, not just legal implications but his safety was at constant risk as he experimenting with dangerous chemicals. He was part of the Advanced Tobacco Products team who created smokeless cigarettes and, in fact, Brenda coined "vapes" and "vaping". A huge problem arose when he became addicted to cocaine which changed his personality and badly affected her. She didn't recognize this "imposter" whose reliance on the drug was paramount to his life. After seventeen years together, cancer took his life and Brenda grappled with a kaleidoscope of emotions and legal issues. She had further adventures when spending time in Guatemala. She finally felt at peace after meeting James but was thrown another curveball; she had breast cancer. However, she was better equipped mentally.
Brenda's life with Philip was adventurous and exciting yet fraught with anxiety, neglect and worry. Her further tragedies and survival contributed to her courage and renewed sense of self. Her life has been unusual and I appreciate that she decided to write about it. My life has been adventure after adventure but in completely different ways. I can't fathom putting up with what she did but of course we don't know what we would do in certain situations. Thankfully, she eventually found peace and comfort. Her story was well worth reading.
Brenda's life with Philip was adventurous and exciting yet fraught with anxiety, neglect and worry. Her further tragedies and survival contributed to her courage and renewed sense of self. Her life has been unusual and I appreciate that she decided to write about it. My life has been adventure after adventure but in completely different ways. I can't fathom putting up with what she did but of course we don't know what we would do in certain situations. Thankfully, she eventually found peace and comfort. Her story was well worth reading.
June 29, 2025
What a great story, and the fact that it’s all true makes it a true page turner. Wow! This will have you reading into the night, and upon finishing you will be so inspired. Check this one out for sure!
Read
December 12, 2025Don’t think I can really rate this. Met the author at her book signing and she was really lovely. What an insane account of bravery, perseverance, and wit. Sending all my love to Brenda.
December 5, 2025
Having met the author at a woman’s retreat in the Hill Country & hearing a few of her real life adventures I was dying to read this. The book lived up to my expectations and more. Powerful book told by a larger than life Texas woman who is 1 Hell of a story teller….probably cuz her stories really happened & to her!!
September 20, 2025
This book is a wild, emotional rollercoaster that feels part thriller, part love story, and part survival guide. Maya Blue takes you deep into Brenda Coffee’s life, starting with her young marriage to a man who seemed larger than life—brilliant, successful, and full of adventure. At first, it all seems glamorous, but little by little the cracks appear, and what follows is a story so unbelievable at times, you have to remind yourself it’s real. From drug labs in the basement to being held at gunpoint in the Guatemalan jungle, Brenda’s life was anything but ordinary.
What makes the book stand out is how raw and honest Brenda is about her choices. She doesn’t paint herself as a saint; instead, she admits how much she wanted to please her husband, even when it meant putting herself in danger. That honesty makes the story so relatable, because many people know what it feels like to lose themselves in someone else’s shadow. Her reflections on love, loyalty, addiction, and grief are heartfelt and painful, but also full of lessons about strength and survival.
In the end, Maya Blue isn’t just about surviving extreme situations—it’s about finding your own voice when it feels like you’ve lost it. Brenda shows that resilience isn’t about being perfect or fearless, but about refusing to stay broken. The book reads quickly, almost like watching a high-stakes drama, but it leaves you with something much deeper to think about: how far you’d go for love, what it costs to stay silent, and the power that comes when you finally speak up. It’s gripping, moving, and unforgettable.
What makes the book stand out is how raw and honest Brenda is about her choices. She doesn’t paint herself as a saint; instead, she admits how much she wanted to please her husband, even when it meant putting herself in danger. That honesty makes the story so relatable, because many people know what it feels like to lose themselves in someone else’s shadow. Her reflections on love, loyalty, addiction, and grief are heartfelt and painful, but also full of lessons about strength and survival.
In the end, Maya Blue isn’t just about surviving extreme situations—it’s about finding your own voice when it feels like you’ve lost it. Brenda shows that resilience isn’t about being perfect or fearless, but about refusing to stay broken. The book reads quickly, almost like watching a high-stakes drama, but it leaves you with something much deeper to think about: how far you’d go for love, what it costs to stay silent, and the power that comes when you finally speak up. It’s gripping, moving, and unforgettable.
July 19, 2025
What a life story! Very interesting but a tough life. I recommend.
August 26, 2025
Crazy true story of a woman who married the wrong man, who was a genius, but not completely sane and normal. He helped create the PC industry, created the first vape pen and created synthetic cocaine in his basement lab. After he dies unexpectedly from cancer, Brenda has another crazy adventure while traveling. What a story! What a life!
September 8, 2025
I received this autographed book from Book Movement and Brenda Coffee for my book club. First off, I love the meaning of the title. It is named after a blue pigment used by the Mayans thousands of years ago. It is known as the strongest, most resilient pigment every created which is a metaphor for the author of this book. The trauma that she has experienced in her lifetime and how she has been able to survive and thrive has definitely shown us her strength and tenacity to keep going forward.
The methods she used while experiencing the hard times were her coping mechanism which unfortunately didn't always allow her to make the best decisions or allow her to use her voice. Through growing up with a mentally ill mother and distant father, a marriage that was all about being pleasing to her husband while slowing disappearing into herself, being kidnapped at gunpoint while traveling in Guatemala, etc. the author kept putting one foot in front of the other. This true story is inspirational and demonstrates that by using your voice you can finally heal and be the woman you were meant to be.
The methods she used while experiencing the hard times were her coping mechanism which unfortunately didn't always allow her to make the best decisions or allow her to use her voice. Through growing up with a mentally ill mother and distant father, a marriage that was all about being pleasing to her husband while slowing disappearing into herself, being kidnapped at gunpoint while traveling in Guatemala, etc. the author kept putting one foot in front of the other. This true story is inspirational and demonstrates that by using your voice you can finally heal and be the woman you were meant to be.
November 8, 2025
I don’t even know where to begin. This book was amazing on so many levels. A book I feel so connected to even though I don’t know the author, that before reaching the end has given me the strength I’ve been looking for. The strength to keep going, to keep fighting, to see things in a different light, and to believe in me. To know that this is not fiction breaks my heart. But to see within these pages, the person it took to not just live through these things, but to truly survive them and keep going, is beyond words.
Women are more powerful and strong than we believe sometimes, and this book proves that. Although our experiences make us who we are, they do not define us. Thank you, more than you could know, for sharing this memoire with us. You are truly amazing in every way, and after reading this book, I hope to be as strong as you one day.
This book was wonderfully written and hard to put down. I am glad I won a copy from Goodreads. Thank you!
Women are more powerful and strong than we believe sometimes, and this book proves that. Although our experiences make us who we are, they do not define us. Thank you, more than you could know, for sharing this memoire with us. You are truly amazing in every way, and after reading this book, I hope to be as strong as you one day.
This book was wonderfully written and hard to put down. I am glad I won a copy from Goodreads. Thank you!
April 18, 2025
Maya Blue, by author Brenda Coffee, takes us on a high-speed rollercoaster chase. This page turning memoir reads like an action-adventure movie zooming down from those heights on an extraordinary life. What begins as a Coffee’s storybook romance with a brilliant and powerful entrepreneur, descends into a world of drug labs, death threats, and jungle standoffs.
This is much more than a cinematic story of survival though. While Coffee’s honesty about her prolonged silence during her husband’s addiction period is frustrating. It's also relatable to anyone who has stayed in a co-dependent relationship thinking that love will change the other person. Ultimately, it is her own ingenuity and self-exploration that take Coffee in a healthy new direction. Maya Blue is a thrilling memoir told from a reclaimed voice.
Babs Walters author, Facing the Jaguar – A Memoir of Courage and Confrontation
This is much more than a cinematic story of survival though. While Coffee’s honesty about her prolonged silence during her husband’s addiction period is frustrating. It's also relatable to anyone who has stayed in a co-dependent relationship thinking that love will change the other person. Ultimately, it is her own ingenuity and self-exploration that take Coffee in a healthy new direction. Maya Blue is a thrilling memoir told from a reclaimed voice.
Babs Walters author, Facing the Jaguar – A Memoir of Courage and Confrontation
November 8, 2025
Fantastic read!
June 25, 2025
3.5 rounded up.
I wanted more. How did you meet James? How and why did you start the blog? Love your storytelling, but you left me hanging, and I'm kinda mad/disappointed. Your story was fascinating, and then bam. Nothing.
I wanted more. How did you meet James? How and why did you start the blog? Love your storytelling, but you left me hanging, and I'm kinda mad/disappointed. Your story was fascinating, and then bam. Nothing.
April 16, 2025
Thank you to Bookreporter and Brenda Coffee from an ARC of this book.
Wow, what an incredible ride...Maya Blue takes the reader on a journey that is riveting and horrifying at the same time. It reads like thriller fiction, but it is actually a true story. While the life events are so unusual, they are something totally unrelated to anything I have personally experienced, but as the story unfolded I ended up with a great deal of empathy for the author and all that she lived through. Once I finished the book I found myself digging deeper for more information on the author and where she is today
Wow, what an incredible ride...Maya Blue takes the reader on a journey that is riveting and horrifying at the same time. It reads like thriller fiction, but it is actually a true story. While the life events are so unusual, they are something totally unrelated to anything I have personally experienced, but as the story unfolded I ended up with a great deal of empathy for the author and all that she lived through. Once I finished the book I found myself digging deeper for more information on the author and where she is today
May 24, 2025
After hearing the author speak at her initial launch, I downloaded the kindle version while waiting for my pre-ordered copy. I opened the kindle version of Maya Blue intending to “just read a bit”—and ended up devouring the entire book in two sittings. Brenda Coffee’s storytelling is so vivid, it feels like every sense is engaged; you can see, hear, and feel every scene unfold. This beautifully written memoir reads like a suspense novel—raw, gripping, and full of unexpected turns. It’s a powerful story of resilience, survival, reinvention, and drawing on strength you didn’t know you had. I had to keep reminding myself it was all real. Absolutely recommend.
May 19, 2025
Maya Blue is a survival story, written by journalist and filmmaker Brenda Coffee. Oh, what a life she has lived! I found her memoir riveting, the experiences she shares are brutally honest and harrowing to read about. From her first husband's descent into addiction and abuse to the attempted rape and murder by Guatamalen guerrillas, this woman's resilience is truly a remarkable story. I only wish it was longer, as from her epilogue it seems that she has continued with overcoming further life obstacles beyond the pages of this book. Perhaps another memoir is coming...?
May 16, 2025
thank you NetGalley for the ARC of this book
this memoir was really interesting, the author has lived a million lives and the fact she’s still a functioning person is honestly nuts. for this reason though i feel like none of the books writing was cohesive, it felt like a few short stories that weren’t really related to each other. i still liked it but the flow of the writing just wasn’t the best
this memoir was really interesting, the author has lived a million lives and the fact she’s still a functioning person is honestly nuts. for this reason though i feel like none of the books writing was cohesive, it felt like a few short stories that weren’t really related to each other. i still liked it but the flow of the writing just wasn’t the best
May 25, 2025
This book had me spellbound from the very beginning. Well written, fast paced, simply fabulous. I walked every step with Brenda as she went from an asthmatic child to a married woman, dealing with her husband who changed dramatically because of substance issues. I cheered her on as she handily dealt with a thug who had kidnapped her, and chose to attack and humiliate her. I am looking forward to more books from this author. No rush, Brenda, just in your spare time.
June 23, 2025
I enjoyed the book. It is well written. It's a story of heroism, courage, resiliency along with addiction.
August 15, 2025
In this day and age when we need female role models with courage and grit, Maya Blue boasts of that and so much more! Brenda Coffee is a master storyteller who takes us on a wild adventure through cocaine labs to the halls of the tobacco industry and emerging in the Guatemalan jungles. A true account of a real-life heroine that reads like a crime story you won't want to put down! Bravo!
May 25, 2025
A memorable opening line sets the tone for every great book. In Brenda Coffee’s MAYA BLUE, the reader is warned upfront: “It was a fairy tale until it wasn’t.”
When 21-year-old Brenda marries the older, brilliant Jon Philip Ray, she thinks she is leaving behind the loneliness and trauma that marked her childhood. Little does she know that she is embarking on a remarkable journey filled with the highest highs and the lowest lows. At the beginning of their marriage, they purchase Brenda’s dream house, set atop a hill overlooking San Antonio, Texas. They dub it the “Spy House on the Hill,” as it had been inhabited by Nazi spies during World War II and even had several secret rooms.
Philip, who Brenda always considers a “tower of strength and logic,” is an inquisitive scientist and inventor. He was credited with helping to create the first personal computer, as well as the first smoke-free cigarette. It became the first “safe” vape (Brenda herself coined the terms vape and vaping), delivering nicotine to one’s system without the harmful carcinogens. She is enamored by his intelligence and charisma.
But soon after moving into the Spy House, Philip starts experimenting in his basement lab, trying to find a way to make medical-grade cocaine from scratch. His young wife is convinced that he will blow their whole place sky-high in this obsessive pursuit. His fervent nature also leads him to sample his materials, resulting in a profound cocaine addiction, which renders him paranoid and abusive: “Addiction grabs you by the jugular vein and won’t let go. It erases all memories of love and shame and a normal life.”
Apart from sometimes collaborating with Philip as his researcher, Brenda doesn’t work outside the home. She feels that her vigilance over her husband and his erratic ways will keep the other shoe from dropping: “I’ve enabled him by staying silent because I’ve always trusted him to do what’s in our best interest…. It's what he said to me in the early days of our relationship. ‘This is my train, and you’re welcome to ride it. If at any time you don’t like the destination, you’re free to get off, but you won’t find a better ride anywhere.’” She is resigned to be a passenger on his crazy train, even to her own detriment.
As Philip descends into drug-fueled madness, Brenda daydreams about ways to escape. It is only when he is diagnosed with stage 4 cancer that the madness lets up. He morphs from an obsessive genius to a frail person losing the battle against his disease. Brenda puts away her fantasies of flight and becomes his de facto nurse, accompanying him to all his experimental drug and treatment trials. But even though her devotion to him never flags, they can’t avoid his inevitable fate.
At just 38, Brenda finds herself a widow who is staring down the barrel of mortgage payments and tons of medical debt racked up in the last year of Philip’s cancer treatment. While cleaning up the financial messiness of her marriage, she decides to take a much-needed retreat from her problems. An exotic vacation, similar to the ones she used to take with Philip, is what she desperately needs: “I’m not the same woman I was at twenty-one. I’m not as trusting, and just as I have a PhD in trauma, I’ve earned one in addiction and drug-induced crazy.”
However, what should have been a restorative trip to Belize quickly becomes a horror show. While on a trek into the jungle with a guide to visit Tikal, they are overtaken by Guatemalan commandos and taken even deeper into the jungle, where a much more harrowing episode ensues. But drawing on strength and bravery she never knew she had, Brenda manages to escape and save herself and her guide. In passages that read like a page-turning thriller, she becomes her own superhero and finds her way back to civilization --- and, ultimately, to herself.
In this searing, unflinchingly honest memoir, which fans of “Breaking Bad” will appreciate, Brenda Coffee divulges the tortuous highs and lows she withstood, and not just as a record of her personal endurance: “I’ve written this book for every person who’s afraid to tell their story for fear they won’t be believed…. Speaking your truth is the most valuable power you have and with it, you can survive almost anything. But before you get to the point where your strength is tested --- and it will be --- know with every fiber of your being that you are stronger than you could ever imagine. I hope my story gives voice to yours, but more than that, I hope it offers you strength.”
As a sort of epigram to the book, “Maya Blue” is defined as “an azure blue pigment used by the cultures of pre-Columbian Mesoamerica such as the Maya and the Aztecs to paint ceramics, the carved relief figures on stone pyramids, and the bodies of human sacrifices. Because this vibrant blue color has proven immune to the passage of time, temperature, and modern solvents, it is still visible centuries later and is thought to be the strongest, most resilient pigment ever created.” Although it took a while for her to acknowledge it, Brenda possesses this strongest of pigments that won’t be hampered by life’s adversities.
Reviewed by Bronwyn Miller
When 21-year-old Brenda marries the older, brilliant Jon Philip Ray, she thinks she is leaving behind the loneliness and trauma that marked her childhood. Little does she know that she is embarking on a remarkable journey filled with the highest highs and the lowest lows. At the beginning of their marriage, they purchase Brenda’s dream house, set atop a hill overlooking San Antonio, Texas. They dub it the “Spy House on the Hill,” as it had been inhabited by Nazi spies during World War II and even had several secret rooms.
Philip, who Brenda always considers a “tower of strength and logic,” is an inquisitive scientist and inventor. He was credited with helping to create the first personal computer, as well as the first smoke-free cigarette. It became the first “safe” vape (Brenda herself coined the terms vape and vaping), delivering nicotine to one’s system without the harmful carcinogens. She is enamored by his intelligence and charisma.
But soon after moving into the Spy House, Philip starts experimenting in his basement lab, trying to find a way to make medical-grade cocaine from scratch. His young wife is convinced that he will blow their whole place sky-high in this obsessive pursuit. His fervent nature also leads him to sample his materials, resulting in a profound cocaine addiction, which renders him paranoid and abusive: “Addiction grabs you by the jugular vein and won’t let go. It erases all memories of love and shame and a normal life.”
Apart from sometimes collaborating with Philip as his researcher, Brenda doesn’t work outside the home. She feels that her vigilance over her husband and his erratic ways will keep the other shoe from dropping: “I’ve enabled him by staying silent because I’ve always trusted him to do what’s in our best interest…. It's what he said to me in the early days of our relationship. ‘This is my train, and you’re welcome to ride it. If at any time you don’t like the destination, you’re free to get off, but you won’t find a better ride anywhere.’” She is resigned to be a passenger on his crazy train, even to her own detriment.
As Philip descends into drug-fueled madness, Brenda daydreams about ways to escape. It is only when he is diagnosed with stage 4 cancer that the madness lets up. He morphs from an obsessive genius to a frail person losing the battle against his disease. Brenda puts away her fantasies of flight and becomes his de facto nurse, accompanying him to all his experimental drug and treatment trials. But even though her devotion to him never flags, they can’t avoid his inevitable fate.
At just 38, Brenda finds herself a widow who is staring down the barrel of mortgage payments and tons of medical debt racked up in the last year of Philip’s cancer treatment. While cleaning up the financial messiness of her marriage, she decides to take a much-needed retreat from her problems. An exotic vacation, similar to the ones she used to take with Philip, is what she desperately needs: “I’m not the same woman I was at twenty-one. I’m not as trusting, and just as I have a PhD in trauma, I’ve earned one in addiction and drug-induced crazy.”
However, what should have been a restorative trip to Belize quickly becomes a horror show. While on a trek into the jungle with a guide to visit Tikal, they are overtaken by Guatemalan commandos and taken even deeper into the jungle, where a much more harrowing episode ensues. But drawing on strength and bravery she never knew she had, Brenda manages to escape and save herself and her guide. In passages that read like a page-turning thriller, she becomes her own superhero and finds her way back to civilization --- and, ultimately, to herself.
In this searing, unflinchingly honest memoir, which fans of “Breaking Bad” will appreciate, Brenda Coffee divulges the tortuous highs and lows she withstood, and not just as a record of her personal endurance: “I’ve written this book for every person who’s afraid to tell their story for fear they won’t be believed…. Speaking your truth is the most valuable power you have and with it, you can survive almost anything. But before you get to the point where your strength is tested --- and it will be --- know with every fiber of your being that you are stronger than you could ever imagine. I hope my story gives voice to yours, but more than that, I hope it offers you strength.”
As a sort of epigram to the book, “Maya Blue” is defined as “an azure blue pigment used by the cultures of pre-Columbian Mesoamerica such as the Maya and the Aztecs to paint ceramics, the carved relief figures on stone pyramids, and the bodies of human sacrifices. Because this vibrant blue color has proven immune to the passage of time, temperature, and modern solvents, it is still visible centuries later and is thought to be the strongest, most resilient pigment ever created.” Although it took a while for her to acknowledge it, Brenda possesses this strongest of pigments that won’t be hampered by life’s adversities.
Reviewed by Bronwyn Miller
June 25, 2025
An intriguing read
This was a fast read, and well written.
However, I felt that much sounded very exaggerated,
A friend asked me if I’d recommend it, and I hesitated with my answer. I dint know that I would.
This was a fast read, and well written.
However, I felt that much sounded very exaggerated,
A friend asked me if I’d recommend it, and I hesitated with my answer. I dint know that I would.
August 1, 2025
I loved this book. It really is a thriller. Real life surthrivor who powers through adversity with grit and emerges on the other side wiser, stronger and not going back. Her awakening and evolution are inspiring for other women.
May 23, 2025
Maya Blue is a memoir of fast-paced narratives of remarkable events written by a thoughtful and resilient author. A thriller of a memoir!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews