Jump to ratings and reviews
Rate this book

This Book Sucks

Rate this book
Welcome to The Page Turner

A Seattle speakeasy that caters to secret, underground fantasies: drinks, sex, and fang-tastic carnage.
 
400-year-old Narya Volkova is exhausted by terrible vampire pop culture, struggling to get over her ex, and annoyed by every man on the face of the planet.
 
When she hires Kit Fournier as her beautiful new bartender, she finds herself falling for the lady of the night—regaling the human with the “truths” about vampire lore. But Kit proves difficult to protect, and Narya tests the limits of her power to keep her safe…even if she must leave a bloody mess in her wake.

118 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 20, 2024

134 people are currently reading
673 people want to read

About the author

Piper C.J.

21 books2,767 followers
Fantasy author with an M.A. in Folklore, who loves to take pictures, eat french fries, and live my life as an all-around creative forest nymph! I'm so excited to bring you with me on my journey as I step out of our everyday lives and into the new fantasy world within The Night and Its Moon fantasy series!

I wrote these books for an audience of one, and that audience was me. I wanted to see bi representation, love, mental health struggles, religious trauma, and overcoming the of obstacles that I needed to be modeled in my own life. At the end of the day I'm so proud of myself for creating the series that I'd always hoped I could read, and I hope someone is able to connect with them in a way that I have.

Ratings & Reviews

What do you think?
Rate this book

Friends & Following

Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!

Community Reviews

5 stars
262 (35%)
4 stars
253 (34%)
3 stars
148 (20%)
2 stars
47 (6%)
1 star
22 (3%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 136 reviews
Profile Image for Lychee.
365 reviews25 followers
September 3, 2025
I love man hating lesbian but I also never want to read “southernmost lips” ever again
Profile Image for Sarah (TheLibrarysKeeper).
592 reviews13 followers
October 21, 2024
Do pop culture references to vampires drive you insane? Are you generally fed up with the patriarchy? Piper has absolutely nailed the perfect Sapphic vampire romance novella.
The chapter titles ALONE were hilarious. Not to mention how amazing the MCs are written. While the book is short by the end, I felt like I knew these characters better than some authors do in an entire book. Plus, the spice was *chefs kiss*

Thank you VERY much to Piper and her team for sending me an ARC of this book to enjoy before publication day!
Profile Image for Anja.
279 reviews6 followers
November 5, 2024
2.5*
This took me about a week to finish, although it's only aproximately 100 pages...
It didn't suck, but it wasn't exactly fun either. I wanted to read it since it has a sapphic romance, but instead of that the focus in the first half if the book is the shitty boyfriend Kit has and then when we get to Kit and Narya forming a relationship, it just moves way too fast.
Profile Image for Micca B aka gigglybookgeek .
136 reviews12 followers
October 21, 2024
Blurb:

WELCOME TO THE PAGE TURNER

A SEATTLE SPEAKEASY THAT CATERS TO SECRET, UNDERGROUND FANTASIES: DRINKS, SEX, AND FANG-TASTIC CARNAGE.

400-year-old Narya Volkova is exhausted by terrible vampire pop culture, struggling to get over her ex, and annoyed by every man on the face of the planet.

When she hires Kit Fournier as her beautiful new bartender, she finds herself falling for the lady of the night-regaling the human with the "truths" about vampires lore. But Kit proves dificult to protect, and Narya tests the limits of her power to keep her safe...even if she must leave a bloody mess in her wake.

Review:
Piper never ceases to amaze me. First, the chapter titles are absolute perfection. Not only is this sapphic vampire novella perfect for spooky season, this book will be read many times over year round. I’ve already read it multiple times in the short time I’ve had it.

Narya is an absolute bada$$, but finds that cool exterior she has built up cannot protect her against the feelings she gets watching Kit. It also will make her stop at nothing to protect Kit. Too bad for you if you try to get in the way.

I still love seeing Piper show SW as a normal part of her writing, and how they are protected under Narya’s very watchful eye. Choose to not play by her rules, well, the men find out what happens. So much satisfaction out of this part of the storyline. She also shows the dangers of not being careful. Also, it was an excellent reminder of remembering your worth, and not accepting less than in exchange for breadcrumbs.

The spice level? I felt it was off the charts. My heart rate certainly spiked several times. Now, how can I get directions to The Page Turner?

Thank you to Piper and Laura for the chance to have an e-ARC copy to review and share about this book. I always know there is no obligation to gush over a book, but it is so worthy of it. Whatever inspired this little surprise, I am grateful. Also, Helena did an amazing job on the cover art, as usual.
Profile Image for Lindsey Conway.
37 reviews1 follower
October 21, 2024
If you were a vampire obsessed person at any point in your life (twilight, vampire diaries, Buffy!?) you NEED this Novella. I laughed, I cried, I SCREAMED. It is absolutely packed full of vampire puns and lore and spicy sapphic FMCs! This is an absolutely perfect spooky season read, but I will be personally be rereading it any time I need that badass femme energy (which is often, let’s be honest).

It’s only about 100 pages so a super quick read, but the story is perfectly flushed out and will leave you wanting more!
Profile Image for lizard.
70 reviews
September 9, 2025
Kindle Unlimited (Season 0, Book 1)

this book did kinda suck (courtesy of its short length and the insta-love) but it was unbelievably satisfying so it's 4 stars
Profile Image for Orini.
122 reviews1 follower
October 21, 2024
This Book Sucks is a thrilling sapphic vampire romance filled with slight stalking, feminine rage, blackmail, wlw spice, billionaire boss/employee, mass murder, touch her and 💀 themes with a HEA. It's a spicy yet somehow cozy, murderous vampire romance all wrapped up in a bite-sized book. This novella had me be the heartstrings. The irresistible nature of their budding romance was written perfectly. So many emotions are expressed beautifully in such a small book. The guilt of love after loss, reclaiming independence, leaving manipulative and abusive relationships, and getting revenge. All written with elegant prose in under 100 pages. I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for a dark and spicy afternoon read. It also included journal entries/letters throughout the book, which tied into our main characters' past and current emotional compunction. They gave a nice break within the plot to express the characters' moral standing, giving the characters more depth and development. Bravo Piper, for yet again blowing my mind with this fun, spicy story, those chapter titles had me cackling! 😂
Profile Image for Katherine Bull.
36 reviews
October 21, 2024
Is this the best sub-100 page sapphic vampire story you’ll ever read? I don’t know how big that specific genre is… but it’s def the best one I’ve read.
How in such a short book can you build LORE?! Like I want to know more because you can’t put tons in, but what are the full moon rituals? Who is Arthur before we meet him? I want several novellas based on every character we meet.
If you want a song to go along with it then I suggest Wolf Moon by Type O Negative. My husband plays it to wind me up… maybe he should read more of my books.
Anyway what we really need is a Femininomeon and Narya and Kit are just that.
Profile Image for Mandy-kay.
287 reviews9 followers
October 22, 2024
I can confirm that this book does not suck…IT ROCKS.

This short read is a WLW vampire romance that has a bite…I mean, a kick. 🌶️

If you are a fan of morally grey WLW fantastical stories, speakeasies, and The Original’s TV show, you will love this book.

I love how Piper C.J. packs lots of character development, action, and spice into such a short story. It is so easy to buy in and love the characters quickly because of how well written they are.

As always, Piper C.J. has done a beautiful job of mixing her beautiful writing style with characters you can’t help but be obsessed with and a storyline that keeps you intrigued at every turn.

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5
Spice: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🩸/5
Profile Image for Octavia Jacobs.
47 reviews1 follower
October 21, 2024
Guys I cannot tell you how much I needed this novella! 5/5 in ALL aspects. The characters, the vibes, the spice 🔥. The VAMPIRES! Let’s not forget about the sheer amount of quotage you can use from this book.
I couldn’t ask for a better read during the season! Just in time for the final spooky weeks! Everything else on your TBR should be THROWN off your pile and this spread right open and devoured just like some characters in this book 😉 got to read it to find out who and how. I can’t spoil it here.
Profile Image for Amber.
227 reviews13 followers
November 1, 2024
“Blood is thicker than water is a mistranslation. The saying used to be: the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,” I said. “Destiny is what you make it, and you and me, my love: we’re forged in blood.”

4/5 stars
1/5 spice since there really was only two scenes, I did love them though

This book was short, sweet, and pretty plot filled for the amount we were given. I adored both FMC's and the justice that they served at the end. The happily ever after was more like Happy ever forever.
This book has some gore, but its definitely a salute to women and the power that we hold. A little bit of spice, some instant love (its only 118 pages so I can't even be upset about that) if you want a Sapphic vampire short story I would recommend this!
I could have done without the period talk, which is why I docked a star. As someone who experiences it every month, I don't really want it mentioned in my books. Especially in the way this was done... but hey, vampires I guess?
This book definitely doesn't suck.
Profile Image for Megan Sorley.
80 reviews6 followers
October 22, 2024
so much yes.

Five stars, 10/10, two thumbs up, and all the money in my pocket. Delicious and delightful and I think I’m gonna start it over from the beginning riiiiiiiight now. Piper I love you.
😂🥰🦇✨🖤
Profile Image for Eve.
139 reviews14 followers
October 21, 2024
This book sucks so good

I loved it. The sarcasm is on point. I liked the storyline very much. I loved the girl power moves and the we don't deal with narcissistic men. Thank you goodbye. They sexy girl time was most enjoyable. Gotta love a female power couple.
Profile Image for Jenessa.
169 reviews34 followers
October 22, 2024
Omggg this book hit the spot in a way I didn't know I needed! It's a short, spicy, Sapphic vampire story that is easy to sink your teeth into (I'm the worst, I'm so sorry).

But really if you're in the mood for women being badass and hot, then this is for you 😌
Profile Image for Elise Celarier.
27 reviews
October 22, 2024
If I were unhinged enough to shelve my blurays and books on the same display (tempting) this would be right between Carmilla the web series and Jennifer's Body. Anyone who knows me, knows that is literally the highest praise. Campy, fun, and queer just how I like it.
Profile Image for Lexi.
743 reviews553 followers
September 25, 2025
Enoby dark’ness dementia raven way edgy coded but make it gay
Profile Image for Meagan Krumrine.
82 reviews1 follower
October 21, 2024
Loved this! I can attest this book does not suck. It's the perfect bite size read for spooky season! I'm a sucker for badass women and the fmc is 🤌🥵
Profile Image for Megan Bravo.
25 reviews
October 22, 2024
this book doesn’t suck

Piper does it again! This may not be everyone’s taste, but it is the perfect pre-Halloween paranormal romance story for vampire and sapphic enthusiasts.
Profile Image for seppppy.
5 reviews1 follower
Read
April 17, 2025
this book was perfectly titled. it really did suck.
Profile Image for kirby.
128 reviews19 followers
November 10, 2024
sapphic vampire novella? yes please. short and fun and as usual i love everything piper writes. even tho this is so short the characters were likeable right away. more please!!
Profile Image for Corinne’s Chapter Chatter.
924 reviews39 followers
October 22, 2024
2.75⭐️
So a friend asked if I would read this knowing I’m a fast reader and I needed a novella for today in between tasks.

The premise sounded intriguing but what I didn’t realize was that the title was a representative of the prose. I hate being that critical but come on…

First it was cliche after cliche . The biggest issue is that it read like a social justice manual hidden behind a vampire. There are ways to be inclusive without making it sound like you’re trying to hit spoken over the head with it. It’s comes off conceited as if the author is trying to do a knowledge dump.

I’m going to a cheesy example for the sake of not getting into spoilers. She has Kit going into the shows and she grabs her dildo. Fine. But she make it a point to say “waterproof dildo”. Why? It read like the author is trying to make sure everyone knows that there are waterproof dildos (obviously if they are electric). There was no need for the information. Now if for some reason it was important make it important to the character .. like one time she grabbed her vibrating dildo and shorted it out not realizing it wasn’t water proof and now she has a new one. Obviously you put in more detail and such but then it’s connected to the character and not just info dropped.

Now yes that’s a silly example but when it’s constantly thrown in the readers face throughout the book those little things get annoying and disconnect the reader. Anyway some apparently liked the vampire references so maybe you will too? To me they were eye rolls of regurgitating content from other books.

I was kind and rounded up to be middle of the road for the ratings but gosh o want to push that 2 star…..

On a side note from the authors notes…how are you going to leave out LJ Smith the AUTHOR of The Vampire Diaries and instead praise the creators of the TV show based off the books.
Profile Image for Lyra.
156 reviews
October 23, 2024
Im not gonna make a bad pun on this book’s title, but this author is not ready for publication. I tried reading her debut, dropping it at about 50%, and picked this up because I liked the premise and wondered if she had improved. Alas, not yet. This story is mediocre at best, the characters are one-dimensional and boring, the romance not believable, the genre and themes under explored. The smut is very underwhelming as well.
1 star from me and wont be picking up any more of CJ’s work from now on
Profile Image for Christina.
25 reviews3 followers
October 28, 2025
I got to read andARC of this novella and it’s perfect for the Halloween season! There’s so many good Easter eggs and vampire lore perfectly woven in. I love Narya and Kit, the two FMCs, and I was sucked into their story so easily. It’s the perfect for rereading whenever I want a fun mood lifter. If you’re a fan of A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night or Promising Young Woman but sapphic, then you should read this novella! I need others to read this so they can obsess with me.
Profile Image for Andrea Brado.
202 reviews1 follower
November 6, 2024
I was privileged to receive an ARC of this book and will be honest in my review of it. I did not receive anything in exchange for my review.

A quick hit vampire novella - sex, blood, murder - our heroine (Narya) couldn’t be more feminist if she tried. While the fuck the patriarchy storyline bleeds from the page, it appropriately focuses on the all too common male behaviors and not the mere existence of men. Whoreophobia, homophobia, domestic abuse, misogyny, rape, and the overall “my dick is bigger than yours I must prove it to you” egotistical take on life. Vengeance is hers and I am here for it.

When Narya develops an obsessive crush, the vampire version of the U-Haul syndrome hits hard and fast. If you’e familiar with Piper CJ’s writing then you know love cannot exist without tragedy. But for reals, this one feels like it bled from her pen with a personal vendetta. I’m pleased with the front row seat to watch the carnage.

—- Quotes —-

“That would be unhealed behavior, and I'm a beacon of mental wellness.” - pg. 2

“Men had mistreated my staff in the 1700s, and though the misogyny evolved with the time, men never changed.” - pg. 4

“The heat l'd felt moments prior turned to ice. Cortisol filled my body, stomach rolling against the nausea.” - pg. 12

“I'd never been lovebombed before him.” - pg. 13

“Humans were too obsessed with their self-assigned roles as apex predator to actually fear the things in the shadows. The only thing we needed to protect us was their unwillingness to believe.” - pg. 18

“And yet, even with him happy, even with me not walking on eggshells for once, we weren't truly happy. Not in the way we used to be. There was an emptiness that hung between us, like we were just going through the motions because it was easier than admitting how broken we were.” - pg. 27

“When he wasn't angry, I remembered why l'd fallen for him in the first place.” - pg. 28

“ ‘… One of them is: you have to chose the darkness, the darkness can't choose you.’ “ - pg. 50

“ ‘My will to live has never been particularly strong,’ she said, joke dark, voice low.
‘Maybe my will to be undead will be stronger.’ “ - pg. 69

“‘Destiny is what you make it, and you and me, my love: we're forged in blood.’ “ - pg. 91
Profile Image for sunbeams.and.rainbows.
67 reviews8 followers
October 28, 2024
This novella is EVERYTHING!!!

This novella is EVERYTHING!!! It is the absolute PERFECT Halloween read! But it's also just a great, quick read whenever you're feeling a bit down & you want to read about strong, baddie females taking on the patriarchy. I love a book where I can support women's rights AND their wrongs. The trope-y, kitschy humor is absolutely delightful. Each new chapter name sent me with the pop culture vampire media references. True to Piper CJ fashion, her emotional writing continues to be top notch & never fails to pull me completely into the story. I didn't think a spicy sapphic vampire novella could help me with trauma healing, but CJ always seems to manage to capture deep, meaningful levels of the human experience in everything she writes. The spice is so freaking hot & also incredibly validating as a bisexual woman. This is a short one, but I am completely obsessed with Kit & Narya & also extremely satisfied with the ending. However, you better believe I would jump at the change to read about their man-eating escapades if CJ decides to write any more of their story in future novellas! If you're looking for a spicy, sapphic, vampire novella with an HEA & plenty of kitschy, tongue-in-cheek humor, GET THIS BOOK SUCKS RIGHT NOW!!!
Profile Image for Bethsbooksau.
151 reviews13 followers
October 27, 2024
Short, sharp, fun BUT also deep and meaningful!

I enjoyed this short story and the characters. The day to day struggles in relationships and life were very relatable and my goodness can Piper C.J write a good narcissistic character that we all love to hate!

In such a short book I enjoyed the level of depth the two main characters had and Naryas personal growth throughout was amazing. Easy to see how someone can become "stuck" in a situation before they even realise.

I also liked the parts before and after the actual book which touched on sex workers and their profession too 🫶
Profile Image for Tera Roop.
53 reviews
March 17, 2025
Amazing quick read that revived me from my reading slump. I will forever vouch how Piper never shies away from incorporating topics and occupations that most people will turn a nose to. Even though the book was short you’re able to feel such a connection with the characters and really dive into their worlds and lifestyles. I really loved how well she depicted the emotional exhaustion and resent-fullness that comes with being in a toxic relationship with a partner. Also such a fan of most the conflicts described being “met with justice”.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 136 reviews

Can't find what you're looking for?

Get help and learn more about the design.