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The Unlocking: An Autism Story
The Unlocking unfolds in pandemic-stricken Melbourne, charting one family’s desperate battle against the escalating behaviour of their autistic toddler. Amid the lack of in-person services, Harry exhibits severely restricted eating, obsessive-compulsive tendencies, crippling separation anxiety, and a demand avoidance that impedes every function in his young life. Harry meets the description of Pathological Demand Avoidance, a sub-type of autism that is not yet recognised in Australia, where an individual exhibits an anxiety-based need for control by avoiding the ordinary demands of living.
During a break between lockdowns, and with much trepidation, the family embark upon a journey with applied behaviour analysis (ABA) therapy. ABA is an intensive therapy considered the gold standard in early intervention for autism, but with a controversial past. The outcome is life-changing. Beneath the veil of dysfunction and anxiety, they discover an outrageously creative, highly intelligent, and hilarious little boy.
The Unlocking is an atypical memoir spanning five epic years—agonising and wretched, hilarious and triumphant, offering solace and hope to others while shining a spotlight on a little-known profile of autism. It is an ableist’s humbling lesson on disability.
The Unlocking was shortlisted for the Hawkeye Manuscript Development Prize in 2024 and earned a Kirkus Star in 2025.
During a break between lockdowns, and with much trepidation, the family embark upon a journey with applied behaviour analysis (ABA) therapy. ABA is an intensive therapy considered the gold standard in early intervention for autism, but with a controversial past. The outcome is life-changing. Beneath the veil of dysfunction and anxiety, they discover an outrageously creative, highly intelligent, and hilarious little boy.
The Unlocking is an atypical memoir spanning five epic years—agonising and wretched, hilarious and triumphant, offering solace and hope to others while shining a spotlight on a little-known profile of autism. It is an ableist’s humbling lesson on disability.
The Unlocking was shortlisted for the Hawkeye Manuscript Development Prize in 2024 and earned a Kirkus Star in 2025.
- GenresNonfiction
224 pages, Paperback
Published February 25, 2025
2 people are currently reading
56 people want to read
About the author
Porscia Lam
1 book4 followersPorscia Lam is a Melbourne lawyer who has spent over fifteen years working in large firms and financial institutions. In 2021, she began a three-year career break to care for two young children, one of whom was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
During this time, Porscia immersed herself in learning about autism, Pathological Demand Avoidance and ABA therapy. The success of her son’s early intervention therapy led her to write her first book, The Unlocking: An Autism Story, which was shortlisted for the Hawkeye Manuscript Development Prize in 2024 and earned a Kirkus Star in 2025.
In her spare time, Porscia is a keen rock-climber and has returned to work as a lawyer.
During this time, Porscia immersed herself in learning about autism, Pathological Demand Avoidance and ABA therapy. The success of her son’s early intervention therapy led her to write her first book, The Unlocking: An Autism Story, which was shortlisted for the Hawkeye Manuscript Development Prize in 2024 and earned a Kirkus Star in 2025.
In her spare time, Porscia is a keen rock-climber and has returned to work as a lawyer.
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
April 5, 2025
I do not have the personal experience of parenting an autistic child, but I understand emotion and the inability to control a situation, the feeling helplessness and despair. The Lam family suffered the gamut of this to the extreme.
The book opens with Harry’s behaviours and how impossible it was for him to carry out SO MANY everyday tasks. Porscia acclimatised to accommodating the hundreds (more?) of ideas to encourage Harry to eat, wear shoes, tolerate a crumb, a wet item of clothing, to EAT. These were desperate tasks to nurture a growing child. The intake of anything nutritious virtually nil. The strict amount of what he WOULD eat, and HOW this would be delivered was heartbreaking in the rigidity.
Then there were the social clues, the lack of. Family members could not assist, he needed almost exclusive access to his parents. Then quickly the family turned from a unit of 3 to 4 in the blink of an eye. How would they cope? To attend to a new human when their lives were entrenched and enmeshed with this fantastical routine that is their life? This morphed into something almost elusive, impossible. DESPERATE . I FELT this.
The author’s ability to tell her story was innate, I felt the horror of what their lives were for a period of years.
A successful and regimented lawyer and doctor duo, a world further smashed apart by Covid. Commencing a new job on the first day of lockdown, trying to work through next level live Zoom tantrums, to parent 2 under 2 while maintaining love for her husband while both sets of parents unable/unwilling to help.
The need for change was inescapable, the author researched, scrolled with the expected stories of doom, and realised a highly controversial step was needed to save her sanity. Her son COULD NOT communicate with the world, the flow on effects with her relationships and her own self-worth were severe.
Did he really think he could resurrect his former life? What was there to enjoy about hanging out with people who offered trite sympathy through comments like, 'Oh, I know! Tommy is such a picky eater too!'? I couldn't handle it. I built a fortress and shut myself in.
Only now recognising her default position of achieving at all costs, pushing through without self-preservation she found herself in perilous physical and emotional territory.
I wanted to justify my own existence, my lack of employment, and why, once an abundance of potential, I had been laid to waste.
The narrative carried the reader into the inner self with ease.
To unlock the child within, this family used a resource that is controversial. The author explained why, conversely she explained the changes from then (decades ago) and now, and how this terribly slow and painful method worked. Without it her son would not be a functioning child today, putting his shoes on to go outside, tolerating change, integrating with the world. To play, to explore and to simply be.
She knows there will be naysayers, and so do I, given the in-depth reasons she so eloquently portrayed. This treatment worked for Harry, but my goodness, this was an extremely hard road and I do not think many could have come out the other side.
My intention is not to discuss the treatment; I wanted to portray the struggle. To highlight that it worked for this family. I champion Porscia’s resilience and dogged determination to achieve for her son, but I also see not many would have the means to access this treatment due to cost of finance and time.
The author was losing herself, almost losing her mind, and sought the treatment her family needed, which importantly, was not singularly for Harry.
ABA had painstakingly built a bridge that allowed Harry to connect with us, his family, and ultimately, with the rest of the world. As a result, it dramatically improved our lives, too. The wellbeing of those caring for an autistic child is often perilously cast aside as an afterthought.
Thank you Porscia, for my early copy to read and review, this is a valuable tool to help others. A beautifully written piece of work, at times hard to read but wholly necessary. I highly recommend.
The book opens with Harry’s behaviours and how impossible it was for him to carry out SO MANY everyday tasks. Porscia acclimatised to accommodating the hundreds (more?) of ideas to encourage Harry to eat, wear shoes, tolerate a crumb, a wet item of clothing, to EAT. These were desperate tasks to nurture a growing child. The intake of anything nutritious virtually nil. The strict amount of what he WOULD eat, and HOW this would be delivered was heartbreaking in the rigidity.
Then there were the social clues, the lack of. Family members could not assist, he needed almost exclusive access to his parents. Then quickly the family turned from a unit of 3 to 4 in the blink of an eye. How would they cope? To attend to a new human when their lives were entrenched and enmeshed with this fantastical routine that is their life? This morphed into something almost elusive, impossible. DESPERATE . I FELT this.
The author’s ability to tell her story was innate, I felt the horror of what their lives were for a period of years.
A successful and regimented lawyer and doctor duo, a world further smashed apart by Covid. Commencing a new job on the first day of lockdown, trying to work through next level live Zoom tantrums, to parent 2 under 2 while maintaining love for her husband while both sets of parents unable/unwilling to help.
The need for change was inescapable, the author researched, scrolled with the expected stories of doom, and realised a highly controversial step was needed to save her sanity. Her son COULD NOT communicate with the world, the flow on effects with her relationships and her own self-worth were severe.
Did he really think he could resurrect his former life? What was there to enjoy about hanging out with people who offered trite sympathy through comments like, 'Oh, I know! Tommy is such a picky eater too!'? I couldn't handle it. I built a fortress and shut myself in.
Only now recognising her default position of achieving at all costs, pushing through without self-preservation she found herself in perilous physical and emotional territory.
I wanted to justify my own existence, my lack of employment, and why, once an abundance of potential, I had been laid to waste.
The narrative carried the reader into the inner self with ease.
To unlock the child within, this family used a resource that is controversial. The author explained why, conversely she explained the changes from then (decades ago) and now, and how this terribly slow and painful method worked. Without it her son would not be a functioning child today, putting his shoes on to go outside, tolerating change, integrating with the world. To play, to explore and to simply be.
She knows there will be naysayers, and so do I, given the in-depth reasons she so eloquently portrayed. This treatment worked for Harry, but my goodness, this was an extremely hard road and I do not think many could have come out the other side.
My intention is not to discuss the treatment; I wanted to portray the struggle. To highlight that it worked for this family. I champion Porscia’s resilience and dogged determination to achieve for her son, but I also see not many would have the means to access this treatment due to cost of finance and time.
The author was losing herself, almost losing her mind, and sought the treatment her family needed, which importantly, was not singularly for Harry.
ABA had painstakingly built a bridge that allowed Harry to connect with us, his family, and ultimately, with the rest of the world. As a result, it dramatically improved our lives, too. The wellbeing of those caring for an autistic child is often perilously cast aside as an afterthought.
Thank you Porscia, for my early copy to read and review, this is a valuable tool to help others. A beautifully written piece of work, at times hard to read but wholly necessary. I highly recommend.
October 31, 2024
This memoir is like no other. It occurs during the pandemic in Melbourne (the city with the most lockdowns). This time was challenging enough, but trying to get her child diagnosed and treated, the author demonstrated her love for Harry through grit, determination and frustration.
You will go on a journey where you will see Harry’s progress (and setbacks) as he moves through his formative years. I highly recommend this memoir, whether you know someone with autism or not. A beautiful read.
You will go on a journey where you will see Harry’s progress (and setbacks) as he moves through his formative years. I highly recommend this memoir, whether you know someone with autism or not. A beautiful read.
November 6, 2024
The Unlocking: An Autism Story - Porscia Lam REVIEW 🤍📖
Thank you Porscia for gifting me a copy in return for my honest review. 🌸
The Unlocking offers an intimate look at a family navigating the tumultuous journey of raising a young child with autism during Melbourne’s Covid-19 lockdowns. This memoir is not only a reflection on the challenges of autism but also serves as a powerful testament to the resilience and love that binds families together in their most difficult moments.
One of the book’s strengths is its unflinching honesty. Porscia doesn’t shy away from the raw, daily struggles her family faced—from Harry’s severe eating restrictions and obsessive-compulsive behaviors to his separation anxiety. These challenges are intensified by the lockdown restrictions, which limit access to in-person support, making the family’s situation even more isolated and desperate. Through her vivid, evocative writing, Porscia captures the sheer weight of these experiences, making it easy to empathize with the intense, sometimes overwhelming demands of their reality.
The portrayal of sibling dynamics added an extra layer of depth. Porscia’s account shows the family’s efforts to balance their attention, striving to give each child the love and support they need despite the constant focus on Harry’s complex needs. It’s a reminder that the challenges of autism ripple through every family member’s life, reshaping routines, relationships, and daily interactions.
What stands out most is Porscia’s passionate commitment to her son. Despite the difficulty, she never wavers in her love for Harry or her determination to unlock his unique potential. The family’s journey with applied behavior analysis (ABA) therapy is portrayed with nuance, acknowledging both the hope it brought them and the broader controversies surrounding it. Through ABA, they uncover a whole new side of Harry—a wonderfully creative, intelligent, and funny child who had been hidden behind layers of anxiety and avoidance.
Porscia’s storytelling is stunning and insightful, immersing the reader in the rollercoaster of emotions they experienced. It is heartbreaking yet hopeful, shedding light on an often misunderstood aspect of autism. It’s a humbling read, as it reveals the unimaginable hardships some parents face, as well as the unwavering dedication they show in supporting their children. I devoured this book quickly, captivated by Porscia’s bravery and honesty.
Thank you, Porscia, for sharing this profound, beautifully written work. While it’s not always an easy read, it’s an essential one, providing solace and guidance to families facing similar struggles. I highly recommend The Unlocking to anyone looking for a deeper understanding of autism and the transformative power of love and resilience.
Thank you Porscia for gifting me a copy in return for my honest review. 🌸
The Unlocking offers an intimate look at a family navigating the tumultuous journey of raising a young child with autism during Melbourne’s Covid-19 lockdowns. This memoir is not only a reflection on the challenges of autism but also serves as a powerful testament to the resilience and love that binds families together in their most difficult moments.
One of the book’s strengths is its unflinching honesty. Porscia doesn’t shy away from the raw, daily struggles her family faced—from Harry’s severe eating restrictions and obsessive-compulsive behaviors to his separation anxiety. These challenges are intensified by the lockdown restrictions, which limit access to in-person support, making the family’s situation even more isolated and desperate. Through her vivid, evocative writing, Porscia captures the sheer weight of these experiences, making it easy to empathize with the intense, sometimes overwhelming demands of their reality.
The portrayal of sibling dynamics added an extra layer of depth. Porscia’s account shows the family’s efforts to balance their attention, striving to give each child the love and support they need despite the constant focus on Harry’s complex needs. It’s a reminder that the challenges of autism ripple through every family member’s life, reshaping routines, relationships, and daily interactions.
What stands out most is Porscia’s passionate commitment to her son. Despite the difficulty, she never wavers in her love for Harry or her determination to unlock his unique potential. The family’s journey with applied behavior analysis (ABA) therapy is portrayed with nuance, acknowledging both the hope it brought them and the broader controversies surrounding it. Through ABA, they uncover a whole new side of Harry—a wonderfully creative, intelligent, and funny child who had been hidden behind layers of anxiety and avoidance.
Porscia’s storytelling is stunning and insightful, immersing the reader in the rollercoaster of emotions they experienced. It is heartbreaking yet hopeful, shedding light on an often misunderstood aspect of autism. It’s a humbling read, as it reveals the unimaginable hardships some parents face, as well as the unwavering dedication they show in supporting their children. I devoured this book quickly, captivated by Porscia’s bravery and honesty.
Thank you, Porscia, for sharing this profound, beautifully written work. While it’s not always an easy read, it’s an essential one, providing solace and guidance to families facing similar struggles. I highly recommend The Unlocking to anyone looking for a deeper understanding of autism and the transformative power of love and resilience.
March 8, 2025
A heartbreakingly beautiful account of a complicated parenting experience. Every parent will be able to relate to this honest and hopeful book.
We all want the best for our children and this book embodies that whilst providing a raw account of true emotion.
A stunning debut. (Have tissues handy!)
We all want the best for our children and this book embodies that whilst providing a raw account of true emotion.
A stunning debut. (Have tissues handy!)
March 26, 2025
The Unlocking, by Porscia Lam — memoir
This book is in a league of its own. Balancing raw honesty, with humour, delicious prose, and fascinating, sometimes tumultuous insight, The Unlocking is a truly inspiring read.
Melbourne, Australia, was the most locked down city in the world during Covid. Not easy at the best of times. Couple that with the unravelling of a small child’s neurodivergent tendencies that end up being a full blown, and complex diagnosis, and you have a difficult, at times impossible to fathom, situation that shook the very core of Porscia Lam’s stratosphere.
In her memoir, The Unlocking, Porscia Lam handles her family story with respect, tact, and a level of honesty that had me at times gasping for air. I had all the feels, and the epilogue, in particular, wrenched at the very core of me heart. This is Porscia’s story. Her truth. And boy, is she a strong, determined advocate for her children!
For Harry, she tries everything, including some controversial therapies that made for some brutally tough decision making. What a thing for a mum to face, especially during the prison sentence that was lockdown. But the true champion of this book is her beautiful boy, Harry, who, as a reader, I had my pom poms out at the ready, cheering madly for him, so desperate for him to find his way.
I can’t recommend this book enough, and and feel honoured that I was able to read about this remarkable family.
My favourite line: ‘My love for [Harry] had been unconditional from the day he was born, but for the first time I was finding him likeable too’. This line says so much, and was a beautiful turning point in the book.
This book is in a league of its own. Balancing raw honesty, with humour, delicious prose, and fascinating, sometimes tumultuous insight, The Unlocking is a truly inspiring read.
Melbourne, Australia, was the most locked down city in the world during Covid. Not easy at the best of times. Couple that with the unravelling of a small child’s neurodivergent tendencies that end up being a full blown, and complex diagnosis, and you have a difficult, at times impossible to fathom, situation that shook the very core of Porscia Lam’s stratosphere.
In her memoir, The Unlocking, Porscia Lam handles her family story with respect, tact, and a level of honesty that had me at times gasping for air. I had all the feels, and the epilogue, in particular, wrenched at the very core of me heart. This is Porscia’s story. Her truth. And boy, is she a strong, determined advocate for her children!
For Harry, she tries everything, including some controversial therapies that made for some brutally tough decision making. What a thing for a mum to face, especially during the prison sentence that was lockdown. But the true champion of this book is her beautiful boy, Harry, who, as a reader, I had my pom poms out at the ready, cheering madly for him, so desperate for him to find his way.
I can’t recommend this book enough, and and feel honoured that I was able to read about this remarkable family.
My favourite line: ‘My love for [Harry] had been unconditional from the day he was born, but for the first time I was finding him likeable too’. This line says so much, and was a beautiful turning point in the book.
March 31, 2025
I read Porscia's book in two days—I assume that's how people read thrillers—impatient to learn how the tricky situation of dealing with a toddler diagnosed with a complex autism disorder, during Melbourne Covid lockdowns and working from home, will unfold. It has taken me three weeks to figure out how to express my admiration for Porscia's story and for her memoir, so skillfully written.
I have learned so much not only about the unusual behaviour of our little book hero, Harry, and the difficulties to find adequate help and therapy for a young child on spectrum, but also about the limitless Porscia's and her husband's parental love and patience in dealing with the endless issues to find the right therapy for Harry. Moving through the long days in lockdown while waiting on various options to become available, and then start showing results, is inexplicably hard. Struggling to feed Harry who rejects almost all food, having difficulties taking him out as he refuses to put any shoes on, and in-fact avoids any demand about anything, is taking the toll on Porscia's job, on her marriage, and on Harry's little sister, Tessa. Day by day, with an enormous number of hours in applied behaviour analysis therapy and a huge emotional (and financial) investment from Porscia and her husband (and their young daughter)—a bit of light appears at the end of the tunnel.
A beautiful love story from a mother to her young son on a spectrum. Harry will be so proud to read it one day.
I have learned so much not only about the unusual behaviour of our little book hero, Harry, and the difficulties to find adequate help and therapy for a young child on spectrum, but also about the limitless Porscia's and her husband's parental love and patience in dealing with the endless issues to find the right therapy for Harry. Moving through the long days in lockdown while waiting on various options to become available, and then start showing results, is inexplicably hard. Struggling to feed Harry who rejects almost all food, having difficulties taking him out as he refuses to put any shoes on, and in-fact avoids any demand about anything, is taking the toll on Porscia's job, on her marriage, and on Harry's little sister, Tessa. Day by day, with an enormous number of hours in applied behaviour analysis therapy and a huge emotional (and financial) investment from Porscia and her husband (and their young daughter)—a bit of light appears at the end of the tunnel.
A beautiful love story from a mother to her young son on a spectrum. Harry will be so proud to read it one day.
April 8, 2025
Big thanks to Porscia for gifting us a copy to read and review.
I heard an intelligent and insightful autistic lady describe the condition, she said everyone has different operating system like computers or phones but all achieve the same result.
The results are borne by a journey that is testing and at times frustrating.
Challenging behaviour and slow development in some areas alerted Porscia and her husband that their son Harry was different.
Diagnosed with autism in a time where Melbourne was constantly locked down in the Covid pandemic presented two huge issues for the family.
Obsessive compulsive behaviours, refusal of most foods and even the stubbornness not to wear shoes was the landscape of a typical day.
Support systems crumble, lockdown rules hinder and the addition of a baby sister add to an already tense home environment.
The opportunity to explore an early intervention therapy was a game changer and Harry was able to demonstrate how his operations was wired and reveal himself to be highly intelligent and creative.
This epic five year snapshot of the experiences the family endured was emotionally evocative and inspiring.
The therapies, treatments and patience all amazing when up against the toughest lockdown rules and durations in the world.
A valuable and absorbing read that will appeal to many in the reading community.
I heard an intelligent and insightful autistic lady describe the condition, she said everyone has different operating system like computers or phones but all achieve the same result.
The results are borne by a journey that is testing and at times frustrating.
Challenging behaviour and slow development in some areas alerted Porscia and her husband that their son Harry was different.
Diagnosed with autism in a time where Melbourne was constantly locked down in the Covid pandemic presented two huge issues for the family.
Obsessive compulsive behaviours, refusal of most foods and even the stubbornness not to wear shoes was the landscape of a typical day.
Support systems crumble, lockdown rules hinder and the addition of a baby sister add to an already tense home environment.
The opportunity to explore an early intervention therapy was a game changer and Harry was able to demonstrate how his operations was wired and reveal himself to be highly intelligent and creative.
This epic five year snapshot of the experiences the family endured was emotionally evocative and inspiring.
The therapies, treatments and patience all amazing when up against the toughest lockdown rules and durations in the world.
A valuable and absorbing read that will appeal to many in the reading community.
December 18, 2024
I just loved reading The Unlocking by Porscia Lam.What an incredible family and to have endured so much.To the first diagnoses to trying to get help all in a time when the world was in a very troublesome worrying time.I was very moved by Harry and everything that he went through,how he was heard and everything that is parents did and are still doing for him.An incredible journey for any family to go through.I will be encouraging everyone I know to read about Harry's story and how we still need to do alot more learning about Autism
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 10, 2025
I inhaled this book. Takes strength and vulnerability to write a memoir detailing such personal events and circumstances.
March 15, 2025
Porscia Lam’s memoir, The Unlocking: An Autism Story, is a raw and honest depiction of a mother’s journey through Covid lockdowns while learning about her son’s Autism diagnosis.
Filled with love, vulnerability and wit, Lam delivers some hard truths about not only coming to terms with what life throws at you, but learning to love and be grateful for it.
It is the type of story that grips you, shocks you, and compels you to keep turning the pages. This is essential reading for every parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, carer, or anyone who has ever interacted with young children. I couldn’t put it down!
Filled with love, vulnerability and wit, Lam delivers some hard truths about not only coming to terms with what life throws at you, but learning to love and be grateful for it.
It is the type of story that grips you, shocks you, and compels you to keep turning the pages. This is essential reading for every parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, carer, or anyone who has ever interacted with young children. I couldn’t put it down!
March 15, 2025
A beautifully written memoir telling the author’s experience raising her son Harry, who has autism, during Melbourne’s long COVID lockdowns. Porscia’s writing is filled with astute observations, heart-wrenching honesty and anguish, and moments of humour. She manages to turn the tedium of home life with toddlers during stay at home restrictions into a gripping page turner that will have readers reading on to find out how Harry’s life unfolds.
March 6, 2025
This is a very raw, honest and reflective memoir. You can feel the pain, the despair and see deeply into who the author was at the start of their journey in uncharted and unfamiliar territory. You can feel the triumph and the celebration of small wins which seemed so impossible before.
It's not an easy journey to document, and I commend all the effort and love that has gone into this memoir.
It's not an easy journey to document, and I commend all the effort and love that has gone into this memoir.
November 28, 2024
Lam’s debut memoir is a warts and all look into their family’s experiences of living with a child with autism. It was hard to believe this was a debut as Lam’s writing was really mature and took you on an emotional journey. She lures you in immediately with descriptions of Harry’s behaviors. We are then taken through his diagnosis journey first with Global Development Delay, then autism and then the PDA subtype. You could feel the frustration and helplessness that they went through. If that wasn’t enough, this all happened in Melbourne during their prolonged lockdowns and she captured the feel of them so well- it felt so suffocating. The second half moved into their experiences with controversial autism therapy Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA) which has a more hopeful feel. It was amazing to see the lengths they went to for Harry and wonderful to see the improvements.
It was fascinating to learn about Harry and his obsessive habits, separation anxiety and food avoidance. It was amazing to think that it would take 32 steps to get Harry through an average day. It must have been so exhausting. I particularly enjoyed learning more about Porscia’s background as a first generation Chinese immigrant and how it shaped her as a person and a mother. It was interesting to see how two very high achieving and high functioning adults (a doctor and lawyer) struggled to manage a child with high needs and the impact it had on their thoughts of parenting, their mental health and careers. A highly engaging, raw and thought-provoking memoir.
It was fascinating to learn about Harry and his obsessive habits, separation anxiety and food avoidance. It was amazing to think that it would take 32 steps to get Harry through an average day. It must have been so exhausting. I particularly enjoyed learning more about Porscia’s background as a first generation Chinese immigrant and how it shaped her as a person and a mother. It was interesting to see how two very high achieving and high functioning adults (a doctor and lawyer) struggled to manage a child with high needs and the impact it had on their thoughts of parenting, their mental health and careers. A highly engaging, raw and thought-provoking memoir.
June 1, 2025
𝘼𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩
The Unlocking: An Autism Story, by Porscia Lam, is a story about a mother’s unyielding love for her autistic son, Harry, and the lengths she goes to, to set up his promising future. It is a beautiful tale of being entrusted with a higher calling in life, disguised as an unwelcome, overwhelming challenge. She is tested to her limits. Her journey shatters her previous expectations and ideologies on parenting, and new perspectives—full of meaning and purpose—arise in their place.
𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙨
✎ Incredibly well written with rich metaphors and vocabularies. I am smitten with her natural gift for storytelling.
✎ Her memoir is told with a bold honesty that is both rare and refreshing, making the read unique and memorable.
✎ I resonate with who the author is. Had I been in her shoes, I would have felt/thought/done the same. Lam is an intelligent, reputable lawyer. To hear her describe her life before Harry as “aimless ambition”, mirrors how I feel about my own circumstances.
✎ Highly relatable to anyone with a child. What parent hasn’t experienced a difficult eater and a fussy toddler? These “normal” traits are amplified with Harry’s presentation, occurring at the intensity/frequency that prohibits basic functioning (Harry forgoes shoes entirely for 9 months).
✎ I have come to care deeply about their family, a testament to how powerful a read it is. I felt like an aunt, that is rooting for them from the side-lines. Go Harry!
𝙇𝙚𝙛𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙙
✎ Her brutal honesty sometimes left my mouth agape, but I appreciated the book more for it.
✎ Sensitive topic broached, about her choice of treatments and views on autism and disability which may affect very sensitive readers. However, I felt it was all justified.
⁉️ What is the best book you have read in 2025?
The Unlocking: An Autism Story, by Porscia Lam, is a story about a mother’s unyielding love for her autistic son, Harry, and the lengths she goes to, to set up his promising future. It is a beautiful tale of being entrusted with a higher calling in life, disguised as an unwelcome, overwhelming challenge. She is tested to her limits. Her journey shatters her previous expectations and ideologies on parenting, and new perspectives—full of meaning and purpose—arise in their place.
𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙨
✎ Incredibly well written with rich metaphors and vocabularies. I am smitten with her natural gift for storytelling.
✎ Her memoir is told with a bold honesty that is both rare and refreshing, making the read unique and memorable.
✎ I resonate with who the author is. Had I been in her shoes, I would have felt/thought/done the same. Lam is an intelligent, reputable lawyer. To hear her describe her life before Harry as “aimless ambition”, mirrors how I feel about my own circumstances.
✎ Highly relatable to anyone with a child. What parent hasn’t experienced a difficult eater and a fussy toddler? These “normal” traits are amplified with Harry’s presentation, occurring at the intensity/frequency that prohibits basic functioning (Harry forgoes shoes entirely for 9 months).
✎ I have come to care deeply about their family, a testament to how powerful a read it is. I felt like an aunt, that is rooting for them from the side-lines. Go Harry!
𝙇𝙚𝙛𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙙
✎ Her brutal honesty sometimes left my mouth agape, but I appreciated the book more for it.
✎ Sensitive topic broached, about her choice of treatments and views on autism and disability which may affect very sensitive readers. However, I felt it was all justified.
⁉️ What is the best book you have read in 2025?
April 17, 2025
The Unlocking by Porscia Lam is a rare memoir that pulses with urgency and grace. Set during the intense backdrop of Melbourne’s pandemic lockdowns, Lam recounts her family’s raw, unfiltered experience as they navigate their young son Harry’s escalating struggles. What begins as confusion and fear slowly unfolds into a fierce pursuit of understanding — not just of autism, but of a very specific, often misunderstood profile known as Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). Lam’s writing doesn’t just share facts; it captures the emotional terrain of parenting a child whose needs defy conventional systems and assumptions.
The book takes us through a turning point when the family, tentatively, embraces Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA) therapy. What makes her account powerful is its refusal to flatten the journey into either success or failure — it is instead layered with the chaos, courage, and small victories that mark real-life transformation. Through it all, Harry is portrayed not as a diagnosis, but as a wildly intelligent, deeply sensitive, and delightfully funny child, whose essence becomes clearer as the family begins to see him on his terms.
The Unlocking isn’t afraid to be messy or uncomfortable, and in that honesty, it becomes something greater than a memoir — it’s a challenge to our understanding of ability, progress, and what it really means to connect.
Lam has given us a book that’s both intimate and socially important, offering a quiet but pointed critique of ableism, and a testament to the extraordinary lessons that can emerge when we stop trying to "fix" and start learning to listen.
The book takes us through a turning point when the family, tentatively, embraces Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA) therapy. What makes her account powerful is its refusal to flatten the journey into either success or failure — it is instead layered with the chaos, courage, and small victories that mark real-life transformation. Through it all, Harry is portrayed not as a diagnosis, but as a wildly intelligent, deeply sensitive, and delightfully funny child, whose essence becomes clearer as the family begins to see him on his terms.
The Unlocking isn’t afraid to be messy or uncomfortable, and in that honesty, it becomes something greater than a memoir — it’s a challenge to our understanding of ability, progress, and what it really means to connect.
Lam has given us a book that’s both intimate and socially important, offering a quiet but pointed critique of ableism, and a testament to the extraordinary lessons that can emerge when we stop trying to "fix" and start learning to listen.
May 1, 2025
The Unlocking: An Autism Story by Porscia Lam is an emotionally charged and deeply personal memoir that lays bare the raw reality of parenting a neurodivergent child during one of the most isolating periods in recent history. Set in pandemic-era Melbourne, Lam shares the intense struggles of her family as they navigate the unpredictable and often frightening symptoms exhibited by her son, Harry—symptoms that align with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), a profile still unrecognised in Australia. The book sensitively explores Harry’s restrictive eating, severe anxiety, and obsessive behaviours while exposing the emotional toll on a family left without adequate support. The writing is not just informative—it is intimate, vulnerable, and deeply human.
What makes this memoir unforgettable is not only its honest portrayal of desperation but also the transformative journey the family undertakes through ABA therapy. Though controversial, ABA becomes a bridge to connection, bringing out Harry’s brilliant, creative spirit. Lam balances her narrative between skepticism, exhaustion, and an awakening love for her child’s unique mind, offering readers both a critique of the system and a celebration of neurodiversity. The Unlocking is a necessary and compassionate read—one that educates without preaching and embraces hope without ignoring pain.
What makes this memoir unforgettable is not only its honest portrayal of desperation but also the transformative journey the family undertakes through ABA therapy. Though controversial, ABA becomes a bridge to connection, bringing out Harry’s brilliant, creative spirit. Lam balances her narrative between skepticism, exhaustion, and an awakening love for her child’s unique mind, offering readers both a critique of the system and a celebration of neurodiversity. The Unlocking is a necessary and compassionate read—one that educates without preaching and embraces hope without ignoring pain.
May 9, 2025
The Unlocking is a deeply moving and honest memoir that captures one family's emotional journey through the challenges of raising an autistic child during the pandemic. Set in Melbourne, the story follows young Harry, whose severe behavioural struggles push his family to explore applied behaviour analysis (ABA) therapy. Porscia Lam writes with raw emotion, highlighting the realities of Pathological Demand Avoidance, a lesser-known autism profile in Australia.
This book is eye-opening, courageous, and filled with hope. It sheds light on the power of perseverance, love, and the importance of understanding neurodiversity. Through pain and progress, the family discovers a bright, witty, and extraordinary little boy beneath the struggles. The Unlocking is an inspiring and important read for any parent, caregiver, or educator seeking to understand the true face of autism.
This book is eye-opening, courageous, and filled with hope. It sheds light on the power of perseverance, love, and the importance of understanding neurodiversity. Through pain and progress, the family discovers a bright, witty, and extraordinary little boy beneath the struggles. The Unlocking is an inspiring and important read for any parent, caregiver, or educator seeking to understand the true face of autism.
November 15, 2024
Porscia Lam's memoir, The Unlocking, is a shot of empathy straight to the heart. It’s a raw, honest, and incredibly brave account of one family's journey toward an autism diagnosis for their eldest child, Harry. Set against the backdrop of Melbourne's unprecedented COVID-19 lockdowns, with Harry's behaviour escalating to self-sabotaging levels, the family teeters on the edge of breaking point. This tender, masterfully written narrative kept me turning pages deep into the night, offering a profound glimpse into the unimaginable hardships that some parents face. The Unlocking is a must-read for any parent, and anyone wishing to position themselves as an ally.
March 26, 2025
Acknowledging the 'controversial past' of ABA is completely disingenuous. ABA is controversial now, and you cannot make it good, because it is fundamentally based on pathologisation and the medical model. It is based on the idea of deficits that must be fixed.
Thousands of autistic children and adults have been harmed and are living with the PTSD from having their natural neurological functions suppressed. Don’t just take my word for it. Listen to autistic people and communities who are speaking out against the pathologisation of their neurodivergence.
Thousands of autistic children and adults have been harmed and are living with the PTSD from having their natural neurological functions suppressed. Don’t just take my word for it. Listen to autistic people and communities who are speaking out against the pathologisation of their neurodivergence.
May 6, 2025
Whew, this one was a tough read for me; but wow, am I impressed with this author’s recount of such challenging times and her transparency. I appreciate her chronicling her and her husband’s difficult years with their autistic son during the pandemic lockdowns in Melbourne as well as the progress they made with ABA (applied behaviors analysis) therapy; to build advocacy and awareness. This memoir is amazing feat and a gift to have to share with others undergoing similar experiences to know they’re not alone and to provide hope for a way forward.
May 9, 2025
This book made me feel- I softly cried, and also felt Porscia's deep love for her boy come through. This was a deeply vulnerable, moving, and empowering book, and also a story of hope; I deeply appreciated Porscia's raw honesty- her self-doubt, her worry, her breakdowns- she takes away any stigma and humanises this struggle. I think her story gives others permission to feel, to fall apart, and navigate their own shame. Love, love, love this book!
March 7, 2025
A raw, heart-rending, honest account which opened my eyes wide to how deeply challenging parenting a child with autism can be. What courage, flexibility and amazing persistence Portia and Paul show us. An absolute must read, a very, very special book.
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