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Lovemaking: How to Talk about Sex with Your Spouse
Sex in marriage can be beautiful—but also new, confusing, awkward, and even frustrating. How do you talk openly about lovemaking without feeling embarrassed? How do you ask for what you need? What if something feels off, or worse—what if it hurts? For many couples, Catholic marriage preparation touches on the basics but leaves them with real, unanswered questions Am I doing this right?Can I really ask that?Why does it sometimes feel so fast . . . or so slow?
How to Talk about Sex with Your Spouse is the candid, practical guide you’ve been waiting for. Bold, playful, and full of real-talk, Renzo and Monica Ortega—hosts of the Two Become Family podcast—offer couples the tools they need to communicate more openly, connect more deeply, and transform their sexual intimacy.
Drawing from their own experience as well as the wisdom of Catholic teaching, including St. John Paul II’s theology of the body, Renzo and Monica tackle the tough questions couples are often afraid to
How do we talk candidly about frequency and foreplay? Do men really only “want one thing”? Why do women get “headaches”? Why is the female orgasm so elusive? Why are there so many rules around sex? Does the Church expect us to have a hundred babies? How does sex change after kids come into the picture? This isn’t a steamy how-to manual, nor is it a dry theological explanation. It’s an honest, approachable conversation about the realities of marital intimacy, grounded in Catholic faith and real-life experience. Each chapter includes conversation starters designed to help couples talk about their needs, desires, and boundaries. “You need connection before connecting,” they write, “Our spouse can only really learn the language of our bodies—what we like, what we love, what we dislike, and what gives us the heebie-jeebies—if we communicate in spoken language as well.”
Renzo and Monica’s relatable, down-to-earth wisdom will resonate with couples navigating both the joys and struggles of married life. Lovemaking will help wives feel understood, husbands feel challenged, and both spouses feel closer than ever. Read it together, talk it out, and discover a path to a more fulfilling sex life and a deeper marital union.
How to Talk about Sex with Your Spouse is the candid, practical guide you’ve been waiting for. Bold, playful, and full of real-talk, Renzo and Monica Ortega—hosts of the Two Become Family podcast—offer couples the tools they need to communicate more openly, connect more deeply, and transform their sexual intimacy.
Drawing from their own experience as well as the wisdom of Catholic teaching, including St. John Paul II’s theology of the body, Renzo and Monica tackle the tough questions couples are often afraid to
How do we talk candidly about frequency and foreplay? Do men really only “want one thing”? Why do women get “headaches”? Why is the female orgasm so elusive? Why are there so many rules around sex? Does the Church expect us to have a hundred babies? How does sex change after kids come into the picture? This isn’t a steamy how-to manual, nor is it a dry theological explanation. It’s an honest, approachable conversation about the realities of marital intimacy, grounded in Catholic faith and real-life experience. Each chapter includes conversation starters designed to help couples talk about their needs, desires, and boundaries. “You need connection before connecting,” they write, “Our spouse can only really learn the language of our bodies—what we like, what we love, what we dislike, and what gives us the heebie-jeebies—if we communicate in spoken language as well.”
Renzo and Monica’s relatable, down-to-earth wisdom will resonate with couples navigating both the joys and struggles of married life. Lovemaking will help wives feel understood, husbands feel challenged, and both spouses feel closer than ever. Read it together, talk it out, and discover a path to a more fulfilling sex life and a deeper marital union.
- GenresMarriage
160 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 7, 2025
7 people are currently reading
29 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
January 27, 2025
Renzo and Monica Ortega have written a book that reads like a conversation with a trusted big brother or big sister, except even less awkward, because, well, it’s just a book and you can read it in the privacy of your own home. While it’s contents will hopefully burrow deep into your heart and mind, the entire point is that you become more able to open up and share your heart and mind all the more with your spouse. With an abundance of suggested conversation starters and illustrated by numerous personal anecdotes from their own marriage (seriously, their honesty and vulnerability will absolutely inspire your own), the Ortegas coach readers on how to discover the full potential of their marital embrace by strengthening the spousal relationship in every arena of life - social, emotional, physical, spiritual, etc.
Not every single chapter will be directly or immediately applicable to every reader in his/her current season, but the book as a whole is a worthwhile read for any husband or wife, no matter what length of time you’ve been married.
Not every single chapter will be directly or immediately applicable to every reader in his/her current season, but the book as a whole is a worthwhile read for any husband or wife, no matter what length of time you’ve been married.
February 20, 2025
This wonderful book by the Ortega's is a much needed resource for all Catholic couples of any age!
In this book, the Ortega's frankly, honestly, and openly discuss martial lovemaking and all the needs to go into the marriage relationship to make sex great! They share some of the common pitfalls that couples fall into which has a negative impact on their sex life. They discuss what needs to happen in day to day life to ensure that a "sex is a physical expression of an invisible reality."; that reality being true oneness as a couple in mind, body, and spirit. The Ortega's believe that "sex is fundamentally an act of communication" and so this book continually encourages couples to communicate about everything about their communal life as a way to achieve oneness. The book also includes helpful information about Natural Family Planning and generously sharing the gift of life. The book concludes with helpful conversation starters to get couples into the practice of good communication.
This book shines because the Ortega's have a solid foundation in the theology of John Paul II through his works "Love and Responsibility" and the "Theology of the Body". This is a book I will unapologetically suggest to many, to couples who are just starting out on their martial journey, to couples who have been married for many years, and even to couples preparing for marriage. I think that this book will be a great resource for many for years to come.
The Ortega's also have a podcast - which I discovered because of this book - which I would highly recommend as well.
Thank you to NetGalley and Ave Maria Press for sharing an ARC copy of this book with me.
In this book, the Ortega's frankly, honestly, and openly discuss martial lovemaking and all the needs to go into the marriage relationship to make sex great! They share some of the common pitfalls that couples fall into which has a negative impact on their sex life. They discuss what needs to happen in day to day life to ensure that a "sex is a physical expression of an invisible reality."; that reality being true oneness as a couple in mind, body, and spirit. The Ortega's believe that "sex is fundamentally an act of communication" and so this book continually encourages couples to communicate about everything about their communal life as a way to achieve oneness. The book also includes helpful information about Natural Family Planning and generously sharing the gift of life. The book concludes with helpful conversation starters to get couples into the practice of good communication.
This book shines because the Ortega's have a solid foundation in the theology of John Paul II through his works "Love and Responsibility" and the "Theology of the Body". This is a book I will unapologetically suggest to many, to couples who are just starting out on their martial journey, to couples who have been married for many years, and even to couples preparing for marriage. I think that this book will be a great resource for many for years to come.
The Ortega's also have a podcast - which I discovered because of this book - which I would highly recommend as well.
Thank you to NetGalley and Ave Maria Press for sharing an ARC copy of this book with me.
March 19, 2025
I read this to see if it would be a good resource to share with engaged couples. Good, concise coverage of sex & intimacy, challenges of NFP, fertility & infertility (including IVF), navigating the marital relationship with children, and more.
A few chapters could benefit from more depth, particularly those on sharing the “mental load”/household labor, and postpartum challenges. The authors talk about navigating newborn demands, breastfeeding, and hormonal changes, but don’t really touch on how wacky NFP can be during that time, and how that can severely limit opportunities for physical intimacy for some couples, which is a common frustration for new parents on NFP online forums. The mental load topic deserves a whole book-I didn’t like how the husband’s effort was described as “helping” with the wife’s burden instead of taking joint ownership of it. There have been many books from Catholic/Christian publishers that detail the art of homemaking for women (eg, Mother’s Rule of Life, Summa Domestica), but none that take on that topic with both spouses.
I fear that the chapter about the kinds of sexual activity “allowed” in marriage (e.g., no condoms, no masturbation, no pulling out) may not be explicit or specific enough for the couples who truly need guidance in this area. A quick glance at any NFP Facebook group will give a dozen examples.
In sum, a good resource to start conversations, but not comprehensive.
A few chapters could benefit from more depth, particularly those on sharing the “mental load”/household labor, and postpartum challenges. The authors talk about navigating newborn demands, breastfeeding, and hormonal changes, but don’t really touch on how wacky NFP can be during that time, and how that can severely limit opportunities for physical intimacy for some couples, which is a common frustration for new parents on NFP online forums. The mental load topic deserves a whole book-I didn’t like how the husband’s effort was described as “helping” with the wife’s burden instead of taking joint ownership of it. There have been many books from Catholic/Christian publishers that detail the art of homemaking for women (eg, Mother’s Rule of Life, Summa Domestica), but none that take on that topic with both spouses.
I fear that the chapter about the kinds of sexual activity “allowed” in marriage (e.g., no condoms, no masturbation, no pulling out) may not be explicit or specific enough for the couples who truly need guidance in this area. A quick glance at any NFP Facebook group will give a dozen examples.
In sum, a good resource to start conversations, but not comprehensive.
March 3, 2025
I just love that this is written by a husband AND wife! It is so refreshing to hear both sides of the story, so to speak. Renzo and Monica’s experience is so relatable, and their suggestions will surely help many couples! I especially appreciated the conversation starters at the end of each chapter. It’s hard to know where to start when talking about these things so having specific questions to discuss will be helpful to even the most experienced couples. It also just shows how important communication and emotional intimacy is in a marriage! If we want better sex, we need to be vulnerable with our spouse not only in the bedroom but outside too. Renzo and Monica cover it all, and I’m so grateful to have this book to recommend to couples of all ages! (I should add that while this book didn’t provide much new info to me personally, I know it is so needed for Catholic couples! Just check out any NFP Facebook group. 😅)
February 18, 2025
Solid read & quick! There wasn’t really anything new for me, but I don’t know if I would quite fall into the target audience. This is a quick sort of guide. I think what I was wanting was more depth. I did, however, really like the conversation starters at the end of each chapter and at the end of the book!
April 9, 2025
A solid look at Catholic teaching on marital sex and intimacy. Nothing groundbreaking but the conversation starters are excellent.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews