But He'll Change: End the Thinking That Keeps You in an Abusive Relationship

by Joanna Hunter

He loves me. He has a really sweet side. I am all he has. If only his boss wouldn't put him under so much stress. At least he doesn't hit me. He won't do it again. I can't do anything right.In this compassionate book, Joanna V. Hunter helps women face, head on, the excuses they tell themselves that keep them in abusive relationships. Using expert advice complemented by her story and the stories of dozens of other women who have survived and turned away from domestic violence, Hunter teaches women to identify the lies they've accepted, understand what healthy thinking sounds like, stop taking the blame for their partner's behavior, identify power and control plays, and stick up for their own needs and plan for their safety.For each self-defeating message Hunter addresses in But He'll Change, she offers a counter message designed to help women build strength and hope. Readers will develop the tools to operate not as victims, but as survivors, understanding the power that they hold to change their lives.

246 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2010

Reviews

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is for anyone who has been in any kind of abusive relationship. I felt like the author was in my head for 95% of the book. It's not just about the lies the perpetrator tells you, but about the lies you tell yourself and how to realize they are indeed lies.

[Ghynia Sawera · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks for sharing your story, Thanks for mentioning that it took you two decades to leave the abuser but you eventually gained the courage to leave him behind you, reading this was such a great inspiration. Everyday is an independence day for abused women when they feel themselves free from abusive men, their cheap mind game to take control over women and humiliating them for making them feel worthless. I loved it there when you described things about going into group therapies and different abused women with different age groups discussed the abuse they had to face but everyone was there because they knew they deserved happiness and love again after getting healed from scars given by abusive men

[Shannon Spiteri · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has really good insight to abusive relationships and what to do to help avoid being stuck in that relationship! I think with having an author that actually went through abuse and having someone you could relate to helps. I would definitely recommend this book.

[Eleanor Cowan · Rating 5 out of 5]

'But He'll Change' communicates that the change must begin in the victim: the abused becomes the rescuer.

The author states that victims of abuse suffer chronic low self-esteem - and even the first steps at re-building it will be the first steps out of a hostile relationship. I remember an instance where my children told me they weren't hungry - that they didn't want supper and my first thought was 'Oh no, guess I won't be eating tonight.' Fortunately, I heard myself and made a delicious meal which I set at the table - with napkins. Within minutes of sitting down to eat, my children joined me and we had a nice time together. This book teaches that even in the smallest of gestures, you begin to save yourself.

Eleanor Cowan, author of: A History of a Pedophile's Wife: Memoir of a Canadian Teacher and Writer

[Pumpkin Spice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent