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A reverenda fogságában
Becsvágyó ministránsfiúból Kafkát idéző kamasz. Graham Caveney visszaemlékezése egy egyszerű angol tinédzser történetét meséli el a 70-80-as években: zenei megszállottságát, szerelmét a könyvek iránt, és hogy hogyan sikerül ezek révén kiszabadulnia szülővárosából.
384 pages, Paperback
First published August 10, 2017
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
August 1, 2020
This is a memoir of adolescence and of abuse by a Catholic priest/headmaster. Caveney was born in 1964 into a working class Catholic family in Accrington. He describes a typical adolescence of an intelligent working class boy and obsessions with music, girls, friends, drink and literature. He attends a Catholic school and his headmaster Father O’Neill takes an interest in him and his adolescent ramblings and takes him to theatre, cinema and concerts. Caveney describes the grooming process very well and the sexual abuse. He also charts the effect it had on him:
“The abuse leads you to fuck up your life, and a fucked-up life means that you’re a less credible witness to the abuse that fucked you up in the first place. It’s an ironic trick of memory and survival: abuse makes you want to forget the abuse.”
Most of the descriptions of Caveney’s adolescence are pretty typical for the time. As he says himself “bad poetry, Beckett and dread”, music by Joy Division (with him there), The Fall, Patti Smith and so on. Left wing politics, the SWP, Marx, Wilde, Shelley, Paul Foot, Tom Robinson, Sartre and so on. It all sounds very familiar. However I was lucky enough not to go to Caveney’s school.
The abuse is a dominant theme inevitably and Caveney has plenty of questions:
“Was it me or simply my youth that gave the priest the hard-on? It’s a stupid question isn’t it? How can I possibly separate out who I was from the age I was?”
There is a powerful passage in the book which examines the music industry and its penchant for glamourizing young women in inappropriate ways. Mentioning the treatment of Lena Zavaroni, Don’t stand so close to me by the Police, Sonny Boy Williamson’s Good Morning Schoolgirl (covered by Van Morrison, ZZ top, The Yardbirds and the Grateful Dead), Fourteen by The Vandals, Young Girl by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap, Jailbait and I am a Predator by Ted Nugent. We haven’t even mentioned Gary Glitter, Bill Wyman, Jerry Lee Lewis or Chuck Berry.
Caveney also talks a great deal about coming to terms with the abuse and some of the contradictory processes this involves:
“In disclosing my experiences of sexual abuse I am bound to sell myself short. The available language is inadequate and so I have to cut my experiential cloth accordingly. I tidy it up or minimise it. I may ironize, or dramatize, or contextualize and yet after each statement what I want to shout is: But it’s not that. Not really. It’s something else.
This is, I think, one of the many reasons people are reluctant to come forward. There is not only the shame, the fear, the guilt, but there is also the sense that what they have to say is so deeply embedded (and embodied), that talking about it would be failing to do it justice. Each statement or revelation would in a sense be just one more injustice, another thing stolen from you, just another way the inner world and the outer world fail to connect."
Caveney did eventually report O’Neill in the early 1990s (following a suicide attempt). He was still headmaster at the time. He did admit it with the comment “it takes two to tango”. He was allowed to retire with honours and was sent to the US for “therapy”. He was never charged with any crime and died in 2011. At his and Cavaney’s old school there is now a wing named after him. The Church still has a long way to go.
One of Caveney’s friends in the SWP made a pertinent point:
“Our society is organised violently or has violence at its core. All of our transactions and interactions are conducted from a place of inequality, which means there is someone who has got the power and someone who hasn’t.”
This memoir is told with brutal honesty and Caveney is clear about his own faults and shortcomings, talking a little about his therapy and his struggles with alcohol and drugs. But the real villain here is a priest in charge of a school who abused a fifteen year old boy (and who knows who else) and who essentially got away with it thanks to the Catholic Church.
“The abuse leads you to fuck up your life, and a fucked-up life means that you’re a less credible witness to the abuse that fucked you up in the first place. It’s an ironic trick of memory and survival: abuse makes you want to forget the abuse.”
Most of the descriptions of Caveney’s adolescence are pretty typical for the time. As he says himself “bad poetry, Beckett and dread”, music by Joy Division (with him there), The Fall, Patti Smith and so on. Left wing politics, the SWP, Marx, Wilde, Shelley, Paul Foot, Tom Robinson, Sartre and so on. It all sounds very familiar. However I was lucky enough not to go to Caveney’s school.
The abuse is a dominant theme inevitably and Caveney has plenty of questions:
“Was it me or simply my youth that gave the priest the hard-on? It’s a stupid question isn’t it? How can I possibly separate out who I was from the age I was?”
There is a powerful passage in the book which examines the music industry and its penchant for glamourizing young women in inappropriate ways. Mentioning the treatment of Lena Zavaroni, Don’t stand so close to me by the Police, Sonny Boy Williamson’s Good Morning Schoolgirl (covered by Van Morrison, ZZ top, The Yardbirds and the Grateful Dead), Fourteen by The Vandals, Young Girl by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap, Jailbait and I am a Predator by Ted Nugent. We haven’t even mentioned Gary Glitter, Bill Wyman, Jerry Lee Lewis or Chuck Berry.
Caveney also talks a great deal about coming to terms with the abuse and some of the contradictory processes this involves:
“In disclosing my experiences of sexual abuse I am bound to sell myself short. The available language is inadequate and so I have to cut my experiential cloth accordingly. I tidy it up or minimise it. I may ironize, or dramatize, or contextualize and yet after each statement what I want to shout is: But it’s not that. Not really. It’s something else.
This is, I think, one of the many reasons people are reluctant to come forward. There is not only the shame, the fear, the guilt, but there is also the sense that what they have to say is so deeply embedded (and embodied), that talking about it would be failing to do it justice. Each statement or revelation would in a sense be just one more injustice, another thing stolen from you, just another way the inner world and the outer world fail to connect."
Caveney did eventually report O’Neill in the early 1990s (following a suicide attempt). He was still headmaster at the time. He did admit it with the comment “it takes two to tango”. He was allowed to retire with honours and was sent to the US for “therapy”. He was never charged with any crime and died in 2011. At his and Cavaney’s old school there is now a wing named after him. The Church still has a long way to go.
One of Caveney’s friends in the SWP made a pertinent point:
“Our society is organised violently or has violence at its core. All of our transactions and interactions are conducted from a place of inequality, which means there is someone who has got the power and someone who hasn’t.”
This memoir is told with brutal honesty and Caveney is clear about his own faults and shortcomings, talking a little about his therapy and his struggles with alcohol and drugs. But the real villain here is a priest in charge of a school who abused a fifteen year old boy (and who knows who else) and who essentially got away with it thanks to the Catholic Church.
February 8, 2018
I was taught by O'Neill. He was highly intelligent (like Savile), which is why he was able to fool us all. Everyone thought he was a great guy, but he was living a lie. I never imagined that he could have been capable of such evil. This respected Catholic priest was actually Satan in human form.
I admire Graham for having the courage to write this book. It is disturbing to think that there may have been other victims. O'Neill should have been prosecuted for his crimes, but it's too late now.
He died in 2011.
I admire Graham for having the courage to write this book. It is disturbing to think that there may have been other victims. O'Neill should have been prosecuted for his crimes, but it's too late now.
He died in 2011.
January 7, 2018
It’s rare that I pick up a work of non-fiction, and if I do it tends to be written by someone I know or admire. Stuart Maconie’s ‘Pies and Prejudice’, for example. I’m so glad that I made an exception with this book which, whilst it isn’t always easy reading, I found to be quite remarkable.
It’s extremely well written – flowing prose and thoughtful diction – and it reminded me of Maconie’s dive into the depths of north-west town life in its background commentary. Caveney’s memory of his adolescence, his battle with class and northern-ness itself, together with all the minutia of seventies life, is far keener than mine (we’re a similar age), and I laughed at a forgotten nuance more than once or twice. Also, the musical signposts were always a welcome reprieve from the terror of the author’s childhood; Caveney being sexually abused by his headteacher for years, careering him into an adult battle with alcoholism and depression.
I think it took an awful amount of strength to write this book, and I’m in awe of the way he has done it, respectful for his decision to wait until his parents were no longer on this earth to hear the truth – as devout Catholics they were so proud of the headteacher (himself a Catholic priest) taking what they thought was an academic interest in their son. The author feels he has sold himself short, that no matter how he has refined his sentences that deal with his sexual abuse, his words can not do it justice. He does an excellent job of trying.
It’s extremely well written – flowing prose and thoughtful diction – and it reminded me of Maconie’s dive into the depths of north-west town life in its background commentary. Caveney’s memory of his adolescence, his battle with class and northern-ness itself, together with all the minutia of seventies life, is far keener than mine (we’re a similar age), and I laughed at a forgotten nuance more than once or twice. Also, the musical signposts were always a welcome reprieve from the terror of the author’s childhood; Caveney being sexually abused by his headteacher for years, careering him into an adult battle with alcoholism and depression.
I think it took an awful amount of strength to write this book, and I’m in awe of the way he has done it, respectful for his decision to wait until his parents were no longer on this earth to hear the truth – as devout Catholics they were so proud of the headteacher (himself a Catholic priest) taking what they thought was an academic interest in their son. The author feels he has sold himself short, that no matter how he has refined his sentences that deal with his sexual abuse, his words can not do it justice. He does an excellent job of trying.
August 16, 2017
I really enjoyed this book, if you can enjoy a book about abuse? Really clever, funny writing style and I underlined a lot of it. So honest, brutal at times, but very moving. I adored the literary references, less so the music (not my era). And I identified with a lot of the inner debates about class, and one's place in the world, especially the chasm when you come back from university to see that home has not changed, but you have. A lot to take from it for everyone I think. Also a pleasure to be supporting a Nottingham author and the independent bookshop that helped him.
March 26, 2024
Garaham Caveney is a remarkable voice of our time. This book is one of the most profound reader experiences I had. I came across his work while looking for an article on the Guardian. He is a true wordsmith.
I'm deeply moved by the story, the narration, and the reflections on family, class, school, power, human relations, addiction, books, the Irish identity(ies) which I have so much respect for, and more.
The boy with the perpetual nervousness was a victim of severe abuse. A very special boy craving friendships, care and guidance, horrifyingly let down by those closest to him. The way we’re told the story cannot but make anyone wish they were there for him and all the children suffering from institutional abuse and neglect at home. Caveney inspired a lot of people I later read about online who’s been through the same system.
Books and some valuable friendships were his refuge. It's incredibly painful, all too common, and I think that every home and school should have it. I’ll be reading Caveney’s other books. I’m told that a new book is coming out soon 🙏
I'm deeply moved by the story, the narration, and the reflections on family, class, school, power, human relations, addiction, books, the Irish identity(ies) which I have so much respect for, and more.
The boy with the perpetual nervousness was a victim of severe abuse. A very special boy craving friendships, care and guidance, horrifyingly let down by those closest to him. The way we’re told the story cannot but make anyone wish they were there for him and all the children suffering from institutional abuse and neglect at home. Caveney inspired a lot of people I later read about online who’s been through the same system.
Books and some valuable friendships were his refuge. It's incredibly painful, all too common, and I think that every home and school should have it. I’ll be reading Caveney’s other books. I’m told that a new book is coming out soon 🙏
February 15, 2020
THE BOY WITH THE PERPETUAL NERVOUSNESS.
.
What a title for a book and what a book this was. Brave,fierce and brutally honest but also told with splashes of humour.
.
I read it as one of the Portico Prize shortlist. The criteria for that list is for stories that embrace the north of England and this book certainly tells it as it is. Anyone growing up in the north during the decades Graham describes will chuckle and nod along to his words,it is like going on a trip down memory lane with music and people from your past. His writing flows and the story is told in short chapters that make you want to read just one more and then just one more again,I zipped through this book in just over a day,for me it was a fast,compelling read.
.
THE STORY.
Graham Caveney grew up in Accrington in the early sixties and through the seventies.He lived with his mum and dad who were so proud that their son passed his eleven plus and went to the local catholic grammar school. It was there though that he met Rev Kev, the headmaster of the school and the man who eventually abused him.
.
OVERALL.
This is a powerful book,told with such honesty and without any self pity whatsoever. Graham’s voice speaks loudly and you cannot help but listen to his story. Without stories like this people would never get to hear how abuse is committed right under the eye of all the community and sometimes by the most respected members of the community too. Graham speaks about the effects this had on him,how he blamed his parents for not knowing,even though he knew that it would have been nearly impossible for them to realise what had happened.
.
Through reading books like this I develop a more empathetic understanding of how abuse affects people and how it’s ripples are felt for much longer than the abuse occurs.
.
It’s not all about abuse though,Graham talks about his loves in life which were books and music. Each chapter begins with a little quote from either a book or a song and each chapter is entitled Next.
The beginning quote - When a person from Accrington (PFA) meets a person not from Accrington (PNFA),there will,at some point be the following exchange;
PNFA: So where are you from?
PNFA: Er...(either sheepishly or defiantly,embarrassed or proud) Accrington.
PNFA: Oh (delighted by their perspicacity)...Stanley...!
This made me chuckle!
.
Music quote: ‘Four thousand holes in Blackburn,Lancashire...’
.
Literary quote: ‘My condition is not unhappiness,but it is also not happiness,not indifference,not weakness,not fatigue,not another interest - so what is it then?’ Franz Kafka, Diaries.
.
Graham Caveney quote: ‘Kevin has forced me to grow up too quickly and thus prevented me from growing up at all.’
.
It’s just a book that has touched my heart.
.
What a title for a book and what a book this was. Brave,fierce and brutally honest but also told with splashes of humour.
.
I read it as one of the Portico Prize shortlist. The criteria for that list is for stories that embrace the north of England and this book certainly tells it as it is. Anyone growing up in the north during the decades Graham describes will chuckle and nod along to his words,it is like going on a trip down memory lane with music and people from your past. His writing flows and the story is told in short chapters that make you want to read just one more and then just one more again,I zipped through this book in just over a day,for me it was a fast,compelling read.
.
THE STORY.
Graham Caveney grew up in Accrington in the early sixties and through the seventies.He lived with his mum and dad who were so proud that their son passed his eleven plus and went to the local catholic grammar school. It was there though that he met Rev Kev, the headmaster of the school and the man who eventually abused him.
.
OVERALL.
This is a powerful book,told with such honesty and without any self pity whatsoever. Graham’s voice speaks loudly and you cannot help but listen to his story. Without stories like this people would never get to hear how abuse is committed right under the eye of all the community and sometimes by the most respected members of the community too. Graham speaks about the effects this had on him,how he blamed his parents for not knowing,even though he knew that it would have been nearly impossible for them to realise what had happened.
.
Through reading books like this I develop a more empathetic understanding of how abuse affects people and how it’s ripples are felt for much longer than the abuse occurs.
.
It’s not all about abuse though,Graham talks about his loves in life which were books and music. Each chapter begins with a little quote from either a book or a song and each chapter is entitled Next.
The beginning quote - When a person from Accrington (PFA) meets a person not from Accrington (PNFA),there will,at some point be the following exchange;
PNFA: So where are you from?
PNFA: Er...(either sheepishly or defiantly,embarrassed or proud) Accrington.
PNFA: Oh (delighted by their perspicacity)...Stanley...!
This made me chuckle!
.
Music quote: ‘Four thousand holes in Blackburn,Lancashire...’
.
Literary quote: ‘My condition is not unhappiness,but it is also not happiness,not indifference,not weakness,not fatigue,not another interest - so what is it then?’ Franz Kafka, Diaries.
.
Graham Caveney quote: ‘Kevin has forced me to grow up too quickly and thus prevented me from growing up at all.’
.
It’s just a book that has touched my heart.
May 28, 2022
I think that being a reader means that it is good to go out of one’s comfort zone. For me it means reading classics ( thanks to Backlisted this is happening) and reading about topics that I don’t particularly like. A few years ago I read the Savile biography and this year I read Graham Caveney’s autobiography.
When Caveney was young he had, what one would call an average childhood: he always had a hot meal and a bed to sleep on, friends. He liked reading, was a good student and was developing his music tastes.
The problems started when he went into senior school where he was groomed and molested by the headmaster Fr. Kevin O’ Neill. This led to a life of addiction, seeking out other abusers and a hesitancy towards relationships, just to name a few problems (trust me, there are many). Like Savile Fr. O’Neill was able to come off as a charmer which was a foil to his paedophilic tendencies. Eventually Graham breaks free from the school but it is through hard work and the, as mentioned, the psychological effects are lifelong.
As one can expect, this was not a pleasant read. As I kept seeing about how one person, and a priest for that matter, robbed a student of his innocence which led to problems just made me very angry. Through this awful experience Graham Caveney examines how objectification appears in popular media from films to music (with a focus on The Police’s Don’t Stand so Close to me).
Elsewhere Graham Caveney describes his working class childhood in the North of England. The way of life, attitudes, food, working men’s clubs and both popular and underground music scenes. As a fan of anything Northern, I simply loved these passages, which are warm, funny and give a good insight to a culture which seems unchanged, judging by other Northern writers.
One thing that ….Boy does is that it details the methods of abusers in a way that helps the casual reader become aware of such people. I feel that literature should help in some way or another and I do think this book can be, not a guide, but a book that other abused people can find solace in.
As I said this is a sordid read which does not end pleasantly, I found it tough going despite the short chapters and breezy writing style. If one is sensitive to take some caution but I think it’s good that such narratives exist.
When Caveney was young he had, what one would call an average childhood: he always had a hot meal and a bed to sleep on, friends. He liked reading, was a good student and was developing his music tastes.
The problems started when he went into senior school where he was groomed and molested by the headmaster Fr. Kevin O’ Neill. This led to a life of addiction, seeking out other abusers and a hesitancy towards relationships, just to name a few problems (trust me, there are many). Like Savile Fr. O’Neill was able to come off as a charmer which was a foil to his paedophilic tendencies. Eventually Graham breaks free from the school but it is through hard work and the, as mentioned, the psychological effects are lifelong.
As one can expect, this was not a pleasant read. As I kept seeing about how one person, and a priest for that matter, robbed a student of his innocence which led to problems just made me very angry. Through this awful experience Graham Caveney examines how objectification appears in popular media from films to music (with a focus on The Police’s Don’t Stand so Close to me).
Elsewhere Graham Caveney describes his working class childhood in the North of England. The way of life, attitudes, food, working men’s clubs and both popular and underground music scenes. As a fan of anything Northern, I simply loved these passages, which are warm, funny and give a good insight to a culture which seems unchanged, judging by other Northern writers.
One thing that ….Boy does is that it details the methods of abusers in a way that helps the casual reader become aware of such people. I feel that literature should help in some way or another and I do think this book can be, not a guide, but a book that other abused people can find solace in.
As I said this is a sordid read which does not end pleasantly, I found it tough going despite the short chapters and breezy writing style. If one is sensitive to take some caution but I think it’s good that such narratives exist.
June 26, 2018
To be honest, I believe I was initially attracted to this memoir because of both the excellent cover and the excellent title (which is, apparently, a line from a song).
My lack of knowledge about the title is indicative of how very many of the musical references I failed to understand or relate to. I did, at least, better recognize many of the literary references and discussions.
Although none of that really matters.
Because if you've loved a particular artist or song or author or novel, you'll recognize Caveney's endearing obsessions.
And here is where I suspect many reviewers would write, But that's not what this book is really about.
But I hesitate to declare that. You'll know from the synopsis - or if that's not clear enough to you - very early on in the book that that the steel and eviscerating thread through the narrative is that as a child Caveney was sexually assaulted by a man who was his headmaster, mentor, and priest. Caveney doesn't mince words in the least about his experiences and I love this; the brutality is necessary for the reader to truly understand what happened. It's true that this is the startling part, the darkest part.
One, however, shouldn't fail to notice the richness of how the music in particular (fortunately, the music was wholly separated from his experience with his abuser, whereas his interest in the literature was a tool his abuser used to groom him) was solace and motivation for Caveney to understand that the tiny mill village he grew up in wasn't the entire world.
I haven't requested or accepted many ARCs in recent months - this is, in fact, the only one currently on my docket (advanced copy provided by Simon & Schuster). I circled around this one for several months, so tempted by the description and other advanced reviews. I finally gave in and have been very pleased that I did.
I was most surprised by the wicked humor. It's all quite dark, sometimes centered around the sexual abuse but most often centered around his relationship with his parents and the community in which he grew up. This was actually my favourite element and I was disappointed that it tapered down as the book neared the end, but what can one expect, given the overall subject matter?
Certainly one of my favourite memoirs in my recent reading history.
My lack of knowledge about the title is indicative of how very many of the musical references I failed to understand or relate to. I did, at least, better recognize many of the literary references and discussions.
Although none of that really matters.
Because if you've loved a particular artist or song or author or novel, you'll recognize Caveney's endearing obsessions.
And here is where I suspect many reviewers would write, But that's not what this book is really about.
But I hesitate to declare that. You'll know from the synopsis - or if that's not clear enough to you - very early on in the book that that the steel and eviscerating thread through the narrative is that as a child Caveney was sexually assaulted by a man who was his headmaster, mentor, and priest. Caveney doesn't mince words in the least about his experiences and I love this; the brutality is necessary for the reader to truly understand what happened. It's true that this is the startling part, the darkest part.
One, however, shouldn't fail to notice the richness of how the music in particular (fortunately, the music was wholly separated from his experience with his abuser, whereas his interest in the literature was a tool his abuser used to groom him) was solace and motivation for Caveney to understand that the tiny mill village he grew up in wasn't the entire world.
I haven't requested or accepted many ARCs in recent months - this is, in fact, the only one currently on my docket (advanced copy provided by Simon & Schuster). I circled around this one for several months, so tempted by the description and other advanced reviews. I finally gave in and have been very pleased that I did.
I was most surprised by the wicked humor. It's all quite dark, sometimes centered around the sexual abuse but most often centered around his relationship with his parents and the community in which he grew up. This was actually my favourite element and I was disappointed that it tapered down as the book neared the end, but what can one expect, given the overall subject matter?
Certainly one of my favourite memoirs in my recent reading history.
October 29, 2025
not the subject matter i tend to gravitate toward but i picked this up because the title caught my eye and i was immediately absorbed. honest & raw without indulging in too many graphic details, i was impressed with caveney’s dry humor and the portrait he painted of his adolescence, complete with nonstop cultural references to the authors/musicians/films that colored it. while abuse was at the core of the narrative, his writing explores class structures and culture alongside victimhood and substance abuse, telling a coming of age story complex and real-feeling
February 6, 2018
Writing a review of this book is very difficult.
The subject matter is harrowing and gut-wrenching. The fact that I was only a year behind Graham at SMC, and so knew the same priests and teachers, makes it all very close to home. The revelations are stunning.
However, the book is expertly written and I could not put it down. The examination of the working-class North and what happens when someone transcends their roots is hilariously and tragically accurate.
From an execution point of view this is one of the best books I've ever read, and from a personal point of view it was life-changing.
The subject matter is harrowing and gut-wrenching. The fact that I was only a year behind Graham at SMC, and so knew the same priests and teachers, makes it all very close to home. The revelations are stunning.
However, the book is expertly written and I could not put it down. The examination of the working-class North and what happens when someone transcends their roots is hilariously and tragically accurate.
From an execution point of view this is one of the best books I've ever read, and from a personal point of view it was life-changing.
March 29, 2018
I found the writing style of this book hard to get into (a swirling onslaught of words and imagery versus the more straightforward afterward), but the moments of abuse, the emotional trauma and the long-standing guilt, still manage to punch you in the gut. I'm glad I had the background of this article before reading this. A raw and terrifying insight into the brutality and impact of sexual abuse.
April 28, 2018
One of the best books I have read in a long time. Emotional, funny at times, beautifully written. The author illustrates beautifully the mind of a troubled teenager and young adult who goes through a life changing experience.
October 29, 2018
THE BOY WITH THE PERPETUAL NERVOUSNESS is a gut-wrenching memoir about a teenage boy who is sexually abused by the person he looks up to the most, the one his parents admire, and who seduces him with access to great works of art. This man is Graham Caveney’s most trusted mentor --- his priest.
Father Kevin O’Neill is the headmaster of the catholic school that Caveney attends. “Rev Kev” is the person he becomes behind closed doors, when alone with Caveney, a young and impressionable boy who is forced to navigate his teenage years not only dealing with the difficulties of being an adolescent, but with the trauma of being persistently assaulted by the priest his parents respect.
Caveney is brought up in Lancashire, England, during the 1970s. He is an introverted boy who has a vision for his future and a love of literature. Rev Kev uses Caveney’s interests as bait to lure him into his room at the rectory. It’s here where the priest shows the teen great works of fiction. It’s here where he also crosses the line into territory that should never be entertained, let alone explored. Rev Kev later explains his actions by twisting religion to his advantage, yet Caveney knows that what’s happening can in no way be justified.
At first, the two spend some time together, with Rev Kev drawing Caveney into his web via books and conversation, seeming interested in the teen’s future while also talking about his own past. Then, when Caveney gets drunk after tending bar on Parent-Teacher Night, Rev Kev takes the opportunity to bring him to the rectory, a decision that is the culmination of many others. Caveney uses his senses to describe the twisted events of that night. He notices the peculiarity of tongues as his mind races, this being his first experience with another person ever, and not by choice.
Later, Caveney will describe how harrowing it is to have your virginity snatched away from you, stolen in the blink of an eye, yet the memory will always twist and turn in your head. He describes how memory works when recalling tragic events. Some block it out. Others remember bits and pieces. Yet the truth is always the same. While being abused, Caveney does not know how he got naked, or into bed. A man he trusted had taken advantage of a situation, turning the word “trust” on its head forever. Ten minutes of his life will become a lifetime of pain. Rev Kev abuses Caveney while also charming his parents, talking about school and giving him excellent grades when his distress has caused him to lose interest in the rest of his classes, as he copes with being both a teen and an abuse victim.
Caveney also struggles with his faith. He thinks of going to confession, only to question what he will confess. That he was the cause of impure thoughts? He also struggles with the fact that the people he'd usually confess to are his abuser’s colleagues.
One day, Caveney is in Rev Kev’s office, drinking red wine. The priest states that he loves him. He tries to buy his affections and silence by taking him to the theater. While Rev Kev abuses Caveney, the teen makes sure to show that he is an unwilling participant via body language. Rev Kev’s love is not love at all. It is abuse and control. Rev Kev states that priestly celibacy is not about sex, but about not having children due to inheritance. He tries to get Caveney to feel bad for him, and the author states that he does feel some compassion as he is further manipulated.
Caveney turns a switch when with Rev Kev. For a long time, he is paralyzed when in the presence of his abuser, the man who controls his grades and standing at the school, and who Caveney believes may also control his future. He feels powerless --- until one day, he gains the courage to stand up for himself.
THE BOY WITH THE PERPETUAL NERVOUSNESS is an eye-opening memoir, written with such honesty that you feel like you’re sitting across from Caveney himself. It shows strength of character, and redemption in its most human form. Most of all, it tells the story of a true survivor you cannot help but be inspired by.
Reviewed by Bianca Ambrosio
Father Kevin O’Neill is the headmaster of the catholic school that Caveney attends. “Rev Kev” is the person he becomes behind closed doors, when alone with Caveney, a young and impressionable boy who is forced to navigate his teenage years not only dealing with the difficulties of being an adolescent, but with the trauma of being persistently assaulted by the priest his parents respect.
Caveney is brought up in Lancashire, England, during the 1970s. He is an introverted boy who has a vision for his future and a love of literature. Rev Kev uses Caveney’s interests as bait to lure him into his room at the rectory. It’s here where the priest shows the teen great works of fiction. It’s here where he also crosses the line into territory that should never be entertained, let alone explored. Rev Kev later explains his actions by twisting religion to his advantage, yet Caveney knows that what’s happening can in no way be justified.
At first, the two spend some time together, with Rev Kev drawing Caveney into his web via books and conversation, seeming interested in the teen’s future while also talking about his own past. Then, when Caveney gets drunk after tending bar on Parent-Teacher Night, Rev Kev takes the opportunity to bring him to the rectory, a decision that is the culmination of many others. Caveney uses his senses to describe the twisted events of that night. He notices the peculiarity of tongues as his mind races, this being his first experience with another person ever, and not by choice.
Later, Caveney will describe how harrowing it is to have your virginity snatched away from you, stolen in the blink of an eye, yet the memory will always twist and turn in your head. He describes how memory works when recalling tragic events. Some block it out. Others remember bits and pieces. Yet the truth is always the same. While being abused, Caveney does not know how he got naked, or into bed. A man he trusted had taken advantage of a situation, turning the word “trust” on its head forever. Ten minutes of his life will become a lifetime of pain. Rev Kev abuses Caveney while also charming his parents, talking about school and giving him excellent grades when his distress has caused him to lose interest in the rest of his classes, as he copes with being both a teen and an abuse victim.
Caveney also struggles with his faith. He thinks of going to confession, only to question what he will confess. That he was the cause of impure thoughts? He also struggles with the fact that the people he'd usually confess to are his abuser’s colleagues.
One day, Caveney is in Rev Kev’s office, drinking red wine. The priest states that he loves him. He tries to buy his affections and silence by taking him to the theater. While Rev Kev abuses Caveney, the teen makes sure to show that he is an unwilling participant via body language. Rev Kev’s love is not love at all. It is abuse and control. Rev Kev states that priestly celibacy is not about sex, but about not having children due to inheritance. He tries to get Caveney to feel bad for him, and the author states that he does feel some compassion as he is further manipulated.
Caveney turns a switch when with Rev Kev. For a long time, he is paralyzed when in the presence of his abuser, the man who controls his grades and standing at the school, and who Caveney believes may also control his future. He feels powerless --- until one day, he gains the courage to stand up for himself.
THE BOY WITH THE PERPETUAL NERVOUSNESS is an eye-opening memoir, written with such honesty that you feel like you’re sitting across from Caveney himself. It shows strength of character, and redemption in its most human form. Most of all, it tells the story of a true survivor you cannot help but be inspired by.
Reviewed by Bianca Ambrosio
January 6, 2024
I finished this book some weeks ago, but have been putting off writing a review off it. I too attended a school run by the Marist Fathers. I knew that there were other St. Mary's school and had a certain idle curiosity about them. Internet searches led me Damian Murray's paper Case study in a religious institution’s cover up of child abuse and the failures of regulators to take action – Marist Fathers which contains numerous references to this work. If you have found this book of interest, Murray's paper will merit further study.
As far as I am aware, nothing similar took place at my school. Maybe some of the teachers - both priests and laymen - seemed a bit too enthusiastic about corporal punishment, but we should exercise caution about judging the past by the standards of the present. But the Marist Fathers who taught me were generally decent men who inspired lasting respect amongst their pupils. It is troubling for me to read that the Marists covered up the abuses perpetrated by their own. But this is not an issue endemic or confined to the Catholic Church. Allegations have recently come to light about Iain Wares who taught at Fettes College and Edinburgh Academy. See, for example 'I was in tears seeing the Edinburgh teacher who abused me',.
As far as I am aware, nothing similar took place at my school. Maybe some of the teachers - both priests and laymen - seemed a bit too enthusiastic about corporal punishment, but we should exercise caution about judging the past by the standards of the present. But the Marist Fathers who taught me were generally decent men who inspired lasting respect amongst their pupils. It is troubling for me to read that the Marists covered up the abuses perpetrated by their own. But this is not an issue endemic or confined to the Catholic Church. Allegations have recently come to light about Iain Wares who taught at Fettes College and Edinburgh Academy. See, for example 'I was in tears seeing the Edinburgh teacher who abused me',.
February 3, 2019
Mixed emotions at finishing this book. Lots of warm, sentimental memories from reading about my school in the 70s and 80s. It was great to be reminded of all the teachers, local towns, pubs, music, films and politics that I grew up with, delivered with the northern humour that reminds me of home. But gut churning horror at the sexual abuse of its writer, Graham, one of my fellow pupils, at the hands of our head and my own form teacher, who I had put on a pedestal and previously regarded as one of my main mentors in life. Our head had shown us how to think independently, read widely and remain sceptical about norms and handed down truisms, and in return he was worshipped by us. But simultaneously, he was abusing the book's author on a regular basis. Graham's abuse took him from an avid reader of Kafka, Beckett and anything else he could get his hands on, the first of his family to go to uni, with an expected career as an English teacher ahead of him, to a life of panic attacks, addiction, self harming, suicide attempts and nervous breakdowns. A very powerful and sobering read!
August 26, 2021
Yet another book about born in the sixties and growing up in the 70s.
What is it about people born in the early sixties and growing up in the seventies and eighties there are so many books about us? Are there? Or does it just feel like there are because I look out for them, having similar memories and read them? If Pete Paphides was the outsider, foreigner, music nerd, as a number of us were, look also at Luton or the Rotters. This has the music, and the crap politics. But, this is the abused, mental breakdown one. Growing up in a religious household,and music and politics being so important, together with the times it covered, I was there. But the Catholicism and the abuse - woah! Respect to the author for coming through this. Also for the portrayal of the the times and the attitudes, which I thought were spot on. Read this.
What is it about people born in the early sixties and growing up in the seventies and eighties there are so many books about us? Are there? Or does it just feel like there are because I look out for them, having similar memories and read them? If Pete Paphides was the outsider, foreigner, music nerd, as a number of us were, look also at Luton or the Rotters. This has the music, and the crap politics. But, this is the abused, mental breakdown one. Growing up in a religious household,and music and politics being so important, together with the times it covered, I was there. But the Catholicism and the abuse - woah! Respect to the author for coming through this. Also for the portrayal of the the times and the attitudes, which I thought were spot on. Read this.
November 18, 2018
Wow, do I like the way Caveney writes. He is funny and straightforward without tipping into the bitter sarcasm of a man at last call. Instead, the edge to his memoir comes with a self-scrutinizing honesty. "If I was abused during a period of my life that I know to be experienced by people who weren't abused as still volatile, traumatic, and confusing, then to what extent are those feelings specific to my abuse? Only a nonabused me would be able to solve this fucking riddle, and a nonabused me would not be me. Answers, please, on a postcard."
As a sensitive, bookish adolescent, Caveney is groomed and abused by the "Holy Trinity" of a man who is his priest, teacher, and headmaster. The resulting emotional and mental devastation are clearly depicted. This is a painful story.
As a sensitive, bookish adolescent, Caveney is groomed and abused by the "Holy Trinity" of a man who is his priest, teacher, and headmaster. The resulting emotional and mental devastation are clearly depicted. This is a painful story.
August 28, 2018
A heartbreaking and intelligently written memoir of childhood innocence stolen. This book will leave you reeling with the injustices of how adults enable and protect the reputation of peers over protecting children, of the damage they leave behind, and how it is still all too prevalent today. Reminiscent of Jim Carroll's Basketball Diaries.
October 3, 2021
Extraordinary. I don't know why this was on my to read list. I started it with no idea what it was about. It was brutal and brilliant. I'd go so far as to say a must read for anyone who works in safeguarding, social work, therapists & many more. Graham - I hope you are OK today, tomorrow and every day that follows.
February 2, 2022
Where do I begin? The finest book I've ever read. I will gladly read Graham Caveney's biographies of people I don't (yet) have a particular interest in just to hear more of what the man has to say.
Such an important book - a profound piece of work is all I'll write, because other adjectives might cheapen the feeling. A huge thanks to Graham Caveney for writing this.
Such an important book - a profound piece of work is all I'll write, because other adjectives might cheapen the feeling. A huge thanks to Graham Caveney for writing this.
August 25, 2023
The late Rev Kev was my teacher at SMC. The Facebook group for former students of the school doesn't allow any discussion of the allegations against him -- "the past is the past" and that's that. I think it's a mistake. He did help a lot of people (including me). I don't doubt Graham's account of his terrible experiences and feel great sympathy for him. But it's all a bit one-sided.
March 3, 2021
A very well written account of shocking abuse by the authors Catholic headmaster. He was groomed and subsequently seduced by his mentor. It is a book filled with barely controlled anger, confusion and brilliant humour.
December 15, 2022
Trigger Warning: this book is about, in part, sexual abuse and is graphic. If you want to understand how that happens and what it does to people, this will educate you. This is really, really brave and I wish more people were able to share their stories as honestly as the author does here.
August 31, 2018
Erudite, sublime and absolutely honest. The best book I've read this year and I've read some cracking stuff. Juts a must read for everyone, somehow.
October 25, 2018
TW for sexual abuse. This one is full of snark and pain.
November 8, 2018
This is a memoir written with clever humor but it includes the serious effects of sexual-abuse-by-priest. That said, I found it enjoyable and enlightening to read.
December 24, 2019
This book was strong and brave and important.
December 30, 2019
Abuse of an Accrington altar boy told with all the grit you might expect.
June 10, 2020
Amamzing, changed my life
September 23, 2020
Heartbreaking.
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