This is a tale of a young heroine's quest for succes. It is a tale of ambition and of a young woman obsessed with wordplay and poetry. It is a tale of bleak depression and the writer's block that comes along with it. It is a tale of artistry and the fragility with which art is created. And, of course, it is a tale of love and hope and happiness; a tale of rereading old letters and striving for the bright future, that was once foretold.
“The ghosts of things that never happened are worse than the ghosts of things that did.”
This book has always resonated deeply with me. Even when I was a child who hardly understood that Emily's long period of writer's block is actually a sign of deep depression, and that Ilse's gay adventures with Emily only proves how far they've drifted apart.
I suspect I loved this book dearly back then, because of the love story. The intense attraction between Teddy and Emily; their many misunderstandings; and Dean Priest who creates a place for himself in Emily's sorrow, makes for an epic love story. Add in the admiration of princes, writers and a hidden diamond in the grass – and you have a fairy tale that will enchant any 11-year old.
Teddy Kent will always be one of my favorite heroes; even though upon rereading this, it is hard to explain why. He is, as Ilse would say, selfish. He cares as little for Emily's writing as Dean does, and his characterization seems oddly vague compared to Perry's bursting personality. As Teddy is a quiet creature, who Emily doesn't even dare to look at, fearing to expose her feelings, he is only described through Emily's thoughts, not through direct interaction. Montgomery seems to contrast her characterization; where as Perry and Ilse are often described through direct and merry scenes and rarely in Emily's diary, Teddy's personality is mainly to be found in Emily's diary. In that way, Montgomery allows Emily to describe Teddy. To the reader, he is a creature of Emily's own pen. And therefore, a fragment of her own mind.
“Don't be led away by those howls about realism. Remember-pine woods are just as real as pigsties and a darn sight pleasanter to be in.”
But, while Teddy Kent holds my heart (and Emily's), he has only a small part of this book. This is a tale of an authoress; of wordplay, writing and rewriting, and ultimately a loss of words. Emily falls into depression, lays down her pen and makes a terrible decision. Montgomery spins a vivid tale of how much an artist suffers without ways to express their feelings. Emily is numb for so long, she is willing to marry a man she doesn't love, just so she can let him take hold of her life, leaving her no decisions of her own.
Emily uses Dean cruelly; she adds on to the pain and loneliness, he has experienced through his own life. And while Dean is painted to be bot villain in this, one cannot help but feel sorry for him. Like Mrs. Kent, he falls victim to his own jealousy, the symptom of a broken and a love-starved soul. Like Mrs. Kent, he clings on too tightly. One of the many themes that runs through this book, showcasing the bitter and ugly side of depending on someone too much.
Another reason, this book still resonates with me, is the fine thread of nostalgia that runs through the novel. Emily, staying behind in Blair Water, is constantly confronted with the ghost of things past. Ilse visits in a whirlwind of laughter and colors, and always leaves with a sigh; concluding that the careless summers of their childhood cannot be replicated. Perry keeps proposing to Emily out of sheer habit, Elizabeth, Laura and Jimmy constantly laments that their little Emily has been replaced with a young woman. Even the cats grow old, beloved mentors die and Emily is left alone, feeling deserted and betrayed by time.
When Emily finds the young and hopeful letters of her 14-year old self adressing her 24-year old self, she almost cannot bear to read it. The hope and wonder, the letter is written with, is almost poisonous. The 14-year old Emily envies her older self; and yet the 24-year old Emily finds herself longing to be 14 again. To be a happy child with an endless future.
I almost feel like I'm reading a letter from a younger version of myself, whenever I reread Montgomery's words. I loved these books, and Emily herself, so much as a child, it only takes a reread to take me back. The feeling is bittersweet; leaving me a bit nostalgic myself for times that has long passed, for the 14-year old version of me reading these pages and wondering who I would be at 24. Would I be an author like Emily? Married to the love of my life? A mother? A writer? Both? Neither? While I'm not an Emily, she is a part of me. And has been ever since I read this book for the very first time.
“Never be silent with persons you love and distrust ... Silence betrays.”