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96 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 1993
I have felt regret but turn now to the immensity of a rhythm that in the midst of her own mettle was invisible. I'll describe the latinate happiness that appears to me as small tufted syllables in the half-light, greenish and quivering as grasses. Ah, the tidy press of the catalogue, the knotted plantlets of a foiled age, the looming test of our grim diaphany, let me embrace these as the lost term "honour" while I lace this high pink boot I call Felicity.
(Lady M finds her thoughts a little agitated; her sight wanders and is fed by an artificial rudeness whose particular odour floods her mind. It's as if she were dreaming on a bus.)
When I was lounging in the Grove I saw a Vision: it was like a flickering screen reporting a very pleasant history of love, thick-set with trees and starred with flowers and diverse fountains, all belonging to the sweet or to the dangerous affairs of love. I interpreted the image then drew up these two books as my oblivion.
What follows is the interminable journal of culture. This neutral and emotive little words seems, in the operatic dark green woods, so harmless and legal but it's liberty totalized, an incommensurable crime against the girls. To question privilege I'm going to shame this word. I will begin by gathering around my body all the facts, for they affect my person. Consider my feeling of resentment. I could have used it to fortify my courage. But everything was happening very fast and I thought it would be a waste to use it then. Violence and deceit, contempt and envy changed their colour, enclosed our labour. The phantom body now buttresses the vilest swindles with sub-Garbo hauteur. Violence and contempt, deceit and envy, sabotage my method and I learn to love it. I am aware that I bring horror - I embody the problem of the free-rider, inconveniencing the leaf-built, the simple-hearted, the phobic, with the unctuous display of my grief:
[...]
All the flowers are glass flower and looking into them the
senses would vibrate in a gelatinous thrum. Each leaf's a
sumptuous dervish; hurled from the vasty sun, its fretted
points so hard and bright and tangy, it leaves a feeling of dan-
gling - yet, with an oily ease, fronds like a fern's give hint to
the deep blue minutes the green boys take. The hot dark stip-
pled tints are indefatigably pleasurable and like widows or
hairpins the mitten-shaped leaves are really those pleasures
that do not, like those of the world, disappoint your expecta-
tions. Al these briskly flecked notions sieve through a giddy
tissue, unnatural red and rubbed grainless as if a green touch
had deferred or shucked history.
I want to tell you about the hegemony of my supple extensions. My pliant starlets float like symptoms. They float int he indicative case, fling accusations, insults, blasphemies and curses. They're cerebral and illegal. They force me to ask - by what aberration do I submit myself to some dead parody of growth, the rotting pastiche of the abject, a morbid inertia? Events congeal into image with no social aggression. The dream-truth is somewhere back in those fake labiate, fitting so tightly your torso feels molded. Sound rushes ahead of the edge of the cut in big nasty syllables. My starlet don't need art and its cheating edifice. They're ham-fisted and redolent. They project their phantasie on my body:
(This is how Lady M enters: Sinuously flanked by Roaring Boys who pan her stance with flicks of birch; spouting the nonsense of swans; swagged in the mulberry light; on the moletn silk; flaunting the lovely ambiguity of the word "Grace.")
LADY M Splendid ardour most obviously mine! April is a mere tuck in your shirt.
NANCY You're menacing and delirious. Your face could go back...
LADY M Which brings me irrevocably to the sulking plums: The dusk is a precise record...
NANCY Of the deadly metonymy of your hips.
LADY M I was raised a girl. I found myself my best possession.
NANCY Or looser hip whose elegance ribbons my yard.
LADY M I choose my fate.
NANCY Like those whose phantasies condemn us.
In this allegory, gratitude pays for slim liberties. Nancy was a sufferer among the rest, who afterward ate out their substance. She was thinking in the field of metahysterics, yet talking like a boy. Born an identical twin, Lady M has a particular interest in the way a mass of grim detail pays. She would like to render homage to the cowardice of the mob; better still, to the charge of excess she flaunts the pangs of their dying economy. Lady M mourns the waste of the substance of the world: her virility stems from dragged politics of exile. Stepping from the conventional pieties to the frontier of the resent, she disclaims the sopping glamour of gratitude. Their motto? We expect total acquiescence.
The March trees torch the profligate sky because I say so. A tiny
flapping boy with sullen fits drifts like a sheet of golden lust. In
this Empire of no tense he bullies the dust, he lends the blacik
street a gleaming arch, he flaunts his hidden rope burn like
defeat. So what about his consummate Latinity? He has been
moving in the pale night with the urgent authority of a mean-
ing. The flicked fringe of his anger flatters mangled angels and
he weeps like a twin in the heat. The greenwood never wanted
him, nor the puckered gully he calls thought. A seabird rises
like an angel in the night and shrieks its brackish laughter at his
dream. The swains of justice pinch out the lights - a pronoun's
snout is gentle torture.
(Knowing memory only bruises the past, Lady M scans the face of a feigned document whose ardent stammer she has already echoed, then languidly rejected.)
NANCY We cannot think tranquility a throne. Yet time extends this barely tolerable pleasure.
LADY M It is a crumb in our syntax.
NANCY We need not inure ourselves to peace and luxury - bu out privilege lies in understanding how the senses detect what is not servitude.
LADY M Who then would write the biography of Boys' desires?
NANCY We ourselves will claim requisite authority.
[...]
Dear Nancy,
Are these, then, our only choices: to slip away into oblivion, or to be left behind, clinging to dirty ghosts? We must assume otherwise. If, under the cover of coherence, we were to applaud the irretrievable passing of that world through which we thought ourselves to be moving, if we were to reconfigure our grief as a mocking epilogue, to become what we can no longer desire, and among these dispositions, to admit that we have been susceptible to charm and flattery, perhaps then, though hyphenated by doubts, we could jam the grim identifications, the splayed economies, the trussed fusions, and enter into the sibylline promise of a new calendar.
[...]