Groomed

by Sonia Orchard

Sonia Orchard was in her forties when she told a therapist about the boyfriend she had when she was fifteen. Sure, he had been a decade older than her, but it was consensual ... wasn't it? To her surprise, Sonia broke down in tears, then began to shake uncontrollably – an unmistakable expression of trauma that lasted for days. She was clearly not okay, but could the relationship she'd thought was love really have been abuse? Had she been groomed?

Years later, her own daughters now teenagers and the March4Justice changing the conversation about sexual assault, Sonia tentatively called the police. As she began the gruelling journey through the legal system, she saw how allegations of child abuse and sexual assault were routinely minimised, justified and rarely brought to light. Facing her own court case, she couldn't shake bigger questions: how had we allowed this to happen, and what would it take to fix it?

In Groomed, Orchard shifts between memoir and research in an attempt to answer these questions. She delves into culture, neuroscience and evolution, unpicking the enduring narratives that fuel these issues. As she navigates her way through a legal system stacked against victims of sexual assault, the obstacles to justice become clearer and more confronting than ever. Shocking, compelling and completely absorbing, this is an essential read from a fearless Australian writer.

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Memoir, Feminism, Biography Memoir, Biography, Australia

352 pages, Paperback

First published January 28, 2025

Reviews

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

'Il faut que la honte change de camp.’ It's not for us to have shame - it's for them. - Gisèle Pélicot’

Sonia Orchard’s Groomed is a courageous and unflinchingly honest memoir that examines the complexities of abuse, the pursuit of justice, and the societal structures that fail to protect the most vulnerable. Written with raw emotion and clarity, Orchard not only shares her deeply personal story but also explores the broader implications of grooming and its devastating impact on victims and their families.

The book’s strength lies in Orchard’s ability to weave together her individual experiences with broader cultural critiques. She challenges societal taboos, examines the subtle ways grooming operates, and exposes the complicit systems that often silence survivors. Her narrative does not shy away from the emotional toll of trauma, nor does it gloss over the systemic shortcomings in how institutions respond to abuse.

Orchard’s writing is deeply empathetic, pulling readers into the intricate emotional layers of her experience while encouraging reflection on their own assumptions about abuse and justice. The inclusion of broader insights, including psychological and societal perspectives, makes Groomed not only a personal story but also an essential contribution to the ongoing dialogue about safeguarding children and holding abusers accountable.

Groomed is an essential and timely book for anyone interested in understanding the dynamics of abuse, the gaps in institutional responses, and the courage it takes to seek justice. It is a thought provoking and emotionally resonant read that will leave a lasting impact on its audience.

My Highest Recommendation.

Many thanks to Affirm Press and Sonia Orchard for my Advanced readers copy.

[ThatBookish_deviant · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5/5

A phenomenal memoir that explores the aftermath of a “relationship” between a fifteen year old girl and her twenty-five year old boyfriend. This memoir follows a woman who, twenty years later, seeks justice against the man who groomed and raped her as a teen. She describes firsthand how survivors are often denied justice and left feeling re-victimized by the so-called criminal justice system. I’m sure writing this memoir was cathartic for the author but reading it was frustrating, infuriating, and sadly not at all surprising. The justice system is a joke when it comes to prosecuting rapists.

[bookswithpaulette · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was heavy, lots of trigger warnings in here. An interesting look into the justice system, reporting a crime 30+ years after the fact, the process, court system, trial and impact across lives.

Very well written, I flew this book very quickly. But it wont be for everyone due to the difficult topics

[Jaclyn]

A damning account of the judicial system in its treatment of sexual assault/abuse survivors. So many Gen-X women are re-examining the ‘relationships’ of their teen years through a new lens and this is a fine account of exactly that. I also learnt so much about the teen brain which was particularly fascinating. This memoir made me revisit my readings of Orchard’s fiction as they touch on these subjects but were written at a time when Orchard did not see this relationship as abuse. Orchard uses her story to tell a larger one which makes for the best kind of memoir. Her cancer story running parallel with her legal story was particularly affecting. I finished it feeling so wildly protective of teens – they’re so vulnerable, so clever and very much still children.

[Ruby Krupka · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book, but it felt like feminism for dummies or someone begrudgingly learning that life is hard for women. She obviously experiences the world through her lens of white, upper middle class, heteronormative and English speaking privilege - but with no acknowledgment that it is with this privilege that she navigates the justice system and its associated services. Her encounter with a woman of colour simultaneously moving through the Court system fails to illicit any interrogation of her own privilege and access to support. Her weird tangential chapters about highly calorific diets causing women to menstruate earlier fail to connect childhood sexual abuse to any meaningful research about why perpetrators choose to do what they do. I think ultimately what frustrated me the most was her lack of insight into how many women experience these systems with so much less privilege and power than she did. Trans women, non binary people, Indigenous women, migrant women to name a few. It was just all a bit ‘omg it’s so hard for white women these days’. Her therapist also sucked.

[Imaan Shakibaee · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for everyone. This brought up sooo much for me. Such an important topic. Please read.

[kora. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bloody hell

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

If there ever was a book that encapsulates the reasons why so many sexual abuse incidents go unreported, it is this one. This book is an indictment of the law and how it's set up to retraumatise victims.

Sonia Orchard writes of her decision to report her own historical case of sexual abuse by a "boyfriend" she had when she was fifteen (he was twenty five at the time) and then the stretched out, tension stitched horror of the criminal investigation and judicial process. At every step, Orchard is congratulated for getting this far and in-between her experiences Orchard details the statistics and research around sexual abuse. The cultural curiosities that allow it to fester and flourish.

This was a hard read, in so many ways, Orchard's experience is horrifying. But what was so hard, for me personally, was how much I recognised her experiences within the schooling environment though we are separated in age by at least a decade. The overly familiar teachers and the normalisation of girls having much older boyfriends.

In the end, Orchard is denied justice. Some quirk of the legal system. Years of being dragging through a system that did more to protect a perpetuator than his victim. If anyone ever asks you why sexual abuse is so under reported, just hand them this book.

[Melie Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chilling, rage-inducing and tragic. Sonia Orchard bravely puts all her evidence on display, backed with research, self-reflection and vulnerability in a way that is accessible and raw.

This memoir details the painstakingly slow and abhorrent lack of justice the legal system provides victims of sexual assault. More gripping than any thriller and chilling than any murder read. Makes you wonder who is really committing a crime vs. just taking full advantage of pockets of society clearly signposted as “not of value” (ie women and children).

The greatest crime is perhaps that women and children still believe society thinks assault and abuse of them is going to be punished and condemned.

[Olivia Dyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Non-fiction and a really serious book about child abuse, sexual assault and the current Australian Justice System. Talks about a ladies story of being groomed and 30 years later going to the police about it. Tells her story in a fun and fascinating way however it is super confronting. References Kanu different cases and papers from Psychologists so I found that really cool and interesting. Super scary and sad to hear that this case was dismissed in 2024 due to our fucked up system, but again really good to know.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow! I’m angry, I’m sad! But at the same time I hope writing this gave Sonia some closure. Her story is still out there and now it is up to the public to reflect on how they feel the justice system works.

** SPOILERS **
For Sonia to say she wouldn’t recommend anyone go to the police or to seek justice is appalling. Not because she said it, but because even with the amount of witnesses and evidence she had, her complaints still got thrown out. It is mind blowing! Obviously this reflects her own experience and I would hope people at least try to seek justice against sexual assault, but as Sonia said, “I’m worse off”. I can see how it would be retraumatising for the victims having to relive their past.

[Lou · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another memoir highlighting just how badly the justice system treats, and lets down in most cases those who were abused. The system protects the abuser, finds them legal loop holes and cases get dropped after significant trauma to the abused. It’s all so very wrong.

[Chez Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Informative, and heart-breaking in equal measure.

[Bayleigh C · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked that this book outlines Sonia’s story as well as linking it to the psychological/biological impact trauma has on the body. It also highlighted how the Australian Justice System works and it was interesting to listen to the transcript of what was said/done throughout the three years from when she reported the crime to when the case was closed. Worth a read but I did find parts of it repetitive.

[Sarah Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

While in therapy, Orchard, reflected on her life, choices and relationships. When she brought up her first “boyfriend”, it became obvious that her relationship with the ‘groovy ‘musician had been exploitative and unsafe. She was 15 and he was 26. When she finds her teenage diaries, her fears that she is a victim of crime are confirmed, and she lodges a complaint with the Police. The memoir follows Orchard’s attempts to put together what had occurred, how she dealt with responses from friends and family, and the processes of the justice system. If you think that you can manage it, read it. It is worthy of attention.

I received a free copy of this book through Sisters in Crime - Australia, in exchange for a fair and honest review.

[Cass Moriarty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Author Sonia Orchard dedicates her book GROOMED: A memoir about abuse, the search for justice and how we fail to keep our children safe (Affirm Press 2025) to: ‘… my Mum and my girls, and for carers, children and survivors everywhere’. This arresting title and cover – a bright red pair of heart-shaped sunglasses – tells us everything we can expect on the pages between.

GROOMED is a well-researched, intensely personal account of Orchard’s historical experience of abuse and her more recent foray into the justice system, searching for answers. The third part of the tagline sentence: ‘…how we fail to keep our children safe’ is menacing, prescient and telling.

This is a hard book to read, as are all memoirs of abuse, because it is one person’s intimate account of terrible things, illegal abuse, unacceptable behaviour, unhelpful responses, the frustrations of the justice system, and the long nightmare of what survivor-victims must undergo throughout the interminable and seemingly unfair processes of this system.

But it is also an important read. It highlights the failures in our systems (family, education, police, justice, society in general) and points out the flaws that prohibit a timely and fair way to address abuse without re-traumatising the survivors.

Orchard is unflinching and honest. Not once does she shy away from depicting her own behaviour and reflecting on how that affected the situation (if at all). Indeed, she opens the book (and her own investigation into this historical event) with the question – Is this even abuse? She is certain what occurred but uncertain whether that constitutes abuse in the eyes of the law. So right from the beginning, as the reader embarks on this journey with the author, we see things from her eyes and walk in her shoes. As she records her distress, anger and sadness, we are with her. As she expresses frustration, rage and disbelief, we are with her. She provides a remarkably balanced account of two particularly fraught times in her life – when she was 15 and the abuse occurred, and now, in her mid-40’s, as she attempts to find redress. Both are harrowing, both are explored with compassion, a curious and questioning mind and a belief that the truth will prevail.

Orchard was a grown woman with teenage children when she told a therapist about the first boyfriend she’d had when she was 15 years of age. And he was 25 years old. As she recounted what she had always labelled a ‘normal’ experience, her body betrayed this belief with a trauma response – she broke down in tears and began to shiver and shake uncontrollably. Her therapist gently suggested to her that what she experienced was not, in fact, an ordinary adolescent first experience of desire and sex, but abuse. She had been groomed. And part of that grooming was (as is typical) an intention by the abuser to reframe everything as ‘normal’, and to demean or ridicule her in an attempt to retain the power imbalance that allowed the abuse to continue.

Without really understanding whether or not she was reporting a historical crime, and with no knowledge or understanding of how, once the wheels were in motion, this search for justice might upend her life, she tentatively called the police to explore her options. Her accusations were simultaneously believed and reported as serious, while also minimised and justified while her own teenage actions were scrutinised and judged. Orchard is an educated woman with a loving family, a strong support system and a nuanced and intellectual grasp of navigating a difficult problem. So she asked herself, how could she have allowed this to happen? And how could she fix it?

GROOMED swings neatly between memoir and research. Her memories of what occurred when she was 15 are supported by a treasure trove of teenage diaries that she had kept in a locked box; a meticulous day-by-day account of exactly what happened when, how and with whom. Her more recent research – much of the central section of the book – examines teenage sex, assault and abuse; the mechanics of grooming; guilt, shame and blame; the March4Justice; the impact of reporting; disassociation; and the gruelling, seemingly impossibly difficult path to justice.

As readers, we feel for 15-year-old Sonia as she navigates adolescent angst complicated by the abusive grooming behaviour of an adult. We also feel for Sonia Orchard the author, now, as she is equally naïve, mystified and disappointed by the legal and justice system that is supposed to help her.

Orchard is a skilled writer and in her hands this unfortunately all too common story of abuse is ordered and presented in a way accessible, readable and comprehensible. Urgent reading for anyone in the legal or child protection system, for those in any positions of power over children, for parents, and for older adolescents or young adults who are survivors. Necessary, confronting, eye-opening and considered. This book is also angry, an anger that is entirely justified. `

[Mell Meyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Groomed by Sonia Orchard

Thank you to Affirm Press for gifting me a copy of Groomed in exchange for my honest review.

Sonia Orchard’s Groomed is a courageous and unflinchingly honest exploration of power, trauma, and justice. Written with raw emotion and clarity, Orchard masterfully weaves together her personal experiences with a broader critique of cultural narratives and the systemic failures that enable abuse to be dismissed or ignored.

The book begins with Orchard’s realization, in her forties, that the relationship she had at fifteen with a older man may not have been the love story she once believed, but rather an act of grooming. This revelation sets her on a path of reckoning—not only with her own past but with a justice system that routinely fails survivors. Years later, as public discourse around sexual assault and accountability shifts, she decides to report her experience to the police. What follows is a gruelling legal battle that exposes the deep flaws in the system, leaving her in limbo for years.

Hopping between memoir and research, Groomed strikes the perfect balance between personal storytelling and well-supported analysis. Orchard delves into neuroscience, evolution, and the justice system, making the book both deeply personal and thoroughly researched. Her insights into how allegations of abuse are minimized and the legal roadblocks survivors face are enraging yet essential to acknowledge.

This is not an easy read, nor should it be. Orchard’s account is deeply unsettling, highlighting just how much work still needs to be done to protect survivors and hold perpetrators accountable. The injustice of her experience left me furious on her behalf, but her writing remains beautifully composed—deeply empathetic, engaging, and unwaveringly truthful.

Groomed is a necessary and powerful book that forces readers to confront the realities of abuse, consent, and a broken legal system. However, it comes with some heavy trigger warnings, particularly around child grooming, sexual assault, and the failures of the justice system. If you can handle the subject matter, this is an essential read—one that lingers long after the final page. I’ll absolutely be seeking out more of Sonia Orchard’s work.

[Fiona D · Rating 5 out of 5]

Groomed is an extraordinarily articulate account of child grooming and the sticky social webs that allow it to hide in plain view. Sonia Orchard unpacks the groomer’s playbook, providing a clear rendition of how groomers pick their victims and manipulate the very air they breathe. Orchard shares her own story of being groomed and realising decades later that her ‘boyfriend’ was in fact her abuser.

The most devastating realisation for any victim of grooming is that they were made complicit in their own sexual abuse. For anyone who has been groomed, this book will make you feel seen and understood…and less alone.

Her writing is utterly compelling, and she has given us the perfect blend of personal narrative within a well-researched framework that shows the intersection of societal attitudes, archaic laws and a flawed system that makes justice virtually impossible for victims.

Groomed stands as a searing indictment of the myriad insults meted out to victims who try to navigate the bewildering legal process one endures on the quest for accountability. It is well past time for change in our legal approach to sexual crimes, and Groomed should be essential reading for judges, lawyers, police, parents and teachers. It will also speak powerfully to anyone wanting to better understand the insidious nature of grooming, its devastating effect on victims and how to help protect our young people.

[Mothie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a phenomenal memoir, but I struggle to write why with enough sensitivity because of the subject matter. It was a difficult read.

Primum non nocere. I wish the justice systems should follow this rule too. The way Sonia was treaded is appaling. Dragged through years of retraumatising just to watch her abuser be protected by the society... I almost felt like Sonia was a "perfect victim". A child with a background that made her vulnerable, who documented as much as it was possible, who had witnesses that could testify about the abuse. If even she couldn't "win", which victim can?

Readers are forced to face the reality about abusers. They walk among us. They are not punished and are often even defended publicly. Hell, where I live what happened to Sonia wouldn't be considered illegal even if everyone believed her and the abuser admitted to doing it.

One thing I find particularily valuable in this book is the psychological inside into why some teenage girls might pursue a relationship with older men, why the common narratives meant to justify the men pursuing relationships with teenage girls are wrong and how these relationships can scar the victims for the rest of their lifes.

[Reviews.with.Bianca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sonia Orchard’s Groomed is a truly moving and disheartening recount of her experiences as a teenager. Written with raw honesty, Orchard bravely shares her story of grooming and betrayal, offering readers an unflinching look at how trust can be so devastatingly manipulated.

What makes this memoir even more powerful is the way Orchard connects her personal story to the broader failures of the justice system—a system that continues to fall short in protecting children. Her reflections are thought-provoking and call for urgent societal change.

Orchard’s writing is clear, emotional, and layered with important social commentary, shining a light on the lasting impacts of abuse and the many ways survivors are often silenced or overlooked. Some readers may find the content of this memoir distressing, so I recommend checking trigger warnings before reading.

While Groomed is difficult to read at times, it’s an essential and courageous memoir that will stay with you long after you turn the final page.

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting but also frustrating. One big thing I could not comprehend was that this chicks parents were aware of the relationship throughout and had no issues with it, then the mother was nervous to take the stand? Something didn’t line up. I can see the author was super angry after spending 3 years wasting her time, the lawyers should have read her diary, saw the holes and told her not to attempt to prosecute so she did t have to go through the scaring process at all… some interesting facts in the middle but overall this just annoyed me.
I love that they offer support dogs for people in court?!? Did not know that.

[Andrew Whalan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A clearly written and disturbing account of under age teenage grooming and the consequences that continue afterwards: potentially for generations.

Upsetting from the point of view that justice for such crime should be done and seen to be done. Sadly the Australian justice system does not work to convict sex abusers, to the point where such crimes should be considered to be all be decriminalised.

And yet somehow as a society, we are inured to or deliberately ignorant of the terrible consequences and the incredibly difficult path to recovery that’s required that sadly is often too hard a path to take.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author is clearly an excellent writer and this book is readable and relatable. Her experience as a teenager in 1980’s Melbourne is portrayed accurately, especially the lack of oversight at school and in the community where adults ruled all children and girls were women as soon as they looked that way. I was there, a school across, a tram route away. The Court should have heard her and believed it. This stuff happened and the trauma is real for the victims who are still alive. It’s going to take some time to process this book, rather like reading Jess Hill when she first wrote about domestic abuse, but 100% worth reading.

[Maija Tan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am astounded by how the legal system continues to not just fail victims of sexual assault but also retraumatise them. I wasn‘t fully aware of how terribly the balance of power is tilted towards the accused.

Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us Sonia Orchard.

I have learnt so much.

There are so many little ways in which women have been taught from childhood to yield to others to maintain safety and peace. I never realised how much of myself I had unwittingly or unwillingly ceded to men.

[Morgan Harrison · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really hard and frustrating read, not for the authors writing, but for the absolute bullshit she had to battle within all the systems that failed her - particularly the Melbourne school system and the judicial system.
It’s a worthwhile read that digs into one of the lesser talked about, often normalised sexual violence of grooming. It certainly made me think about some of the situations I experienced as a 15 year old in a different (much darker) light.
The only complaint I have is it’s a little repetitive in parts.

[Renee · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you want to know what it's like to be sexually abused as a teenager in a relationship with "an older man" and why so few women come forward or try to press charges, this is the book. If you want to understand the Epstein list and why powerful men don't face consequences, this is your book. If you want to understand why girls often go back to their abuser, why they often don't realize it's abuse, and everything tangled up in that, this is your book. It's a harrowing book that should make you want to set things on fire and change the world.

[Kym Lang · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found myself rethinking my position many times throughout this book so it’s a good book if it can change your predisposition to think a certain way.

It is an important narrative about the struggle for justice and the shortcomings, bias, and unacceptable time delays in our court system. It made me furious on her behalf that she was in limbo for so many years.

If it leads to discussion that can bring about change, Sonia deserves to be applauded.

[Brady Horne · Rating 5 out of 5]

i’m still recovering a day after finishing this. ‘groomed’ has multitudes to it; part harrowing autobiography, part education piece on ptsd and abuse, and part critical deconstruction of the impotence and willful arduousness of our so-called justice system. it’s incredibly impactful, exceptionally powerful, and just a very full-on read. there was rarely a moment in reading that i didn’t feel physically ill or seconds away from tears.

[Nicki Kendall · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such a courageous and well written memoir capturing the abuse that Sonia had suffered, along with the complexities of all that comes with having endured such abuse, along with her pursuit for justice. It can be a triggering read as it explores not only the grooming and and abuse Sonia was the survivor of but also the devastating and far reaching impact the abuse has not only on the survivor but also on their friends and families too. The rawness of Sonia's writing about the emotional toll of the trauma and the shortcomings of how society and our justice system deals with it at times was moving to read. Whilst the topic matter is very heavy and emotional to read, I couldnt help but be inspired by Sonia and all that she has survived and fought for and how she has been able to not let the ineffectual way this matter was dealt with in the justice system break her. #soniaorchard #groomed #affirmpress #goodreads #tea_sipping_bookworm #getlitsy #thestorygraph #fable #memoir #bookqueen #bookstagram

[Kayla Minter · Rating 4 out of 5]

🎧 This memoir is full of research and theories surrounding abuse. My personal preference would have been a better balance between facts and the author's story. The account is, unfortunately, reminiscent of so many stories of abuse. The burden of proof lies squarely on the victim, and even when there seems to be an abundance of evidence, it still doesn't mean the justice system will serve any actual justice. As the author so sadly puts it, sometimes it just exacerbates the damage.

I commend her for writing this book in the hopes of it having some kind of positive impact.