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After My Lai: My Year Commanding First Platoon, Charlie Company
In the fall of 1969, Gary Bray landed in South Vietnam as a recently married, freshly minted second lieutenant in the U.S. Army. His assignment was not leading the platoon whose former members had committed the My Lai massacre—the murder of hundreds of Vietnamese civilians—eighteen months earlier. In this compelling memoir, he shares his experiences of Vietnam in the direct wake of that terrible event. After My Lai documents the war’s horrific effects on both sides of the struggle. Bray presents the Vietnam conflict as the touchstone of a generation, telling how his feelings about being a soldier—a family tradition—were dramatically altered by the events he participated in and witnessed. He explains how young men, angered by the deaths of comrades and with no release for their frustration, can sometimes cross the line of legal and ethical behavior. Bray’s account differs from many Vietnam memoirs in his vivid descriptions of platoon-level tactical operations. As he builds suspense in moment-by-moment depictions of men plunging into jungle gloom and tragedy, he demonstrates that what led to My Lai is easier to comprehend once you’ve walked the booby-trapped ground yourself. An intensely personal story, gracefully rendered yet brutally honest, After My Lai reveals how warfare changes you forever.
162 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2010
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
July 10, 2022
Gary W. Bray arrived in Vietnam in 1969 to take over one of the least enviable positions in the American Army at that moment – he was to succeed Second Lieutenant William Calley, the one who was tried and convicted for ordering and participating in mass executions in the South Vietnamese village of My Lai, as the commander of Charlie Company, 1st Battalion.
Although Charlie Company became internationally notorious only after the My Lai massacre, the Americans fighting in Vietnam had begun to give Charlie's men wide berth well before their atrocities in My Lai were exposed to the world. Once an elite, disciplined unit, by March 16, 1968, Charlie Company had deteriorated into an unruly band that refused to follow orders, treated its superiors with open disrespect, and harassed South Vietnamese villagers, especially women. Their immoral behavior eventually earned them the nickname Charlie Cong. Rumors that Charlie Company's commander, Captain Ernest Medina, purposefully encouraged this unruliness were circulating, but most Americans pitied the men of Charlie Company, knowing that many gory encounters with the Viet Cong and severe combat fatigue were the most likely reason for Charlie Company's going astray.
These reasons are also the ones Bray cites in his memoir. He chooses not to judge the men of Charlie Company for what they had done in My Lai, assigning the blame for the massacre to the overall brutality of an armed conflict.
On one hand, there is truth in his point of view. The unconventional conflict made the American soldiers mistrustful of the local population, which could welcome them one moment and ambush them the next. The pain and the frustration that built up within them, as they witnessed comrades with whom they had built special friendships die, combined with combat fatigue and manifested themselves in bitterness and aggression, which in turn led to irrational outbreaks of violence. Before My Lai, there was the Ha My massacre, before that – Tiger Force's seven-month killing spree, and these were just the large, unit-level atrocities. The acts of individual brutality were countless, too many to have all been labeled as committed by insane individuals.
On the other hand, the author is quick to accept that since the nature of military conflicts is inherently brutal, nothing can be done to prevent atrocities like My Lai from happening. I immersed myself in his thoughts, and I sensed that Bray had become numb to what was happening around him almost immediately after coming to Vietnam. As he narrates, upon his arrival in Vietnam after unhelpful jungle training in Panama, he was tasked with winning the hearts of the Vietnamese people while killing the Viet Cong who jeopardized the villagers' safety. Understandably, this was a challenging task, considering that he commanded the infamous company whose previous members had committed a heinous war crime. I found it strange that although Bray mentions that among the villagers he and his men were dealing with were most likely many whose relatives had been murdered in the My Lai massacre, he continues to sympathize only with the former members of Charlie Company and expresses his concern only for the safety of his men. His attitude toward the Vietnamese civilians is hostile and callous.
For instance, he describes how one of his subordinates, Armstrong, almost shot an elderly man and a small child. When Bray saw the crying man and the little child clinging to his leg, his first reaction was to point his M14 at the old man's chest as if he would not have shown him his South Vietnamese identification card otherwise. Furthermore, when another subordinate asked Armstrong why he had not just shot the man and the kid and Armstong replied that he would not shoot at a child, Bray chose to remain silent on the subject. In my opinion, this is not all a commander should do to discourage murderous tendencies among his men. He could have at least supported Armstrong's statement.
This and similar instances of indifference he demonstrates throughout his narrative made my glimpsing over his shoulder disturbing. I might be wrong, but something in his tone and attitude was telling me that if he had been ordered to massacre civilians in a village, he would have killed them without thinking twice and then said: "Well, this is war." I strongly disagree with this mindset because courageous individuals like the forgotten hero of My Lai, Hugh Thompson, have demonstrated that military conflicts are indeed brutal, but how brutal you will be is up to you. Watching Charlie Company murder the My Lai villagers from his helicopter, Thompson could have decided that what was happening on the ground was none of his business, but he did not. Instead, he and other pilots risked their lives to save whomever they could.
AFTER MY LAI is a dark memoir. I saw a reviewer praise Bray for speaking for a generation of young men who fought in Vietnam and are still being judged. While he indeed spoke for them, I would not say that his work, which reveals his occasionally disturbing thought process, presents a flattering image of the American soldiers. Instead, I found it to be a memorable reminder that war brings suffering, appeals to man's lowest instincts of fear and hatred, and should be avoided at all costs. The author's description of how easy it was for him to kill a man – he thought of the person as a simple silhouette target and when he saw him stumble and fall, he felt elated – is telling enough. "You don't think of the possibility that it could have been you lying there with open, unseeing eyes and body torn apart. You are too young to think such thoughts. You are fascinated by the power you hold in your hands. It will be an easy thing to return home if you survive this war, which you surely will, and to forget the things you have done in this place."
Although Charlie Company became internationally notorious only after the My Lai massacre, the Americans fighting in Vietnam had begun to give Charlie's men wide berth well before their atrocities in My Lai were exposed to the world. Once an elite, disciplined unit, by March 16, 1968, Charlie Company had deteriorated into an unruly band that refused to follow orders, treated its superiors with open disrespect, and harassed South Vietnamese villagers, especially women. Their immoral behavior eventually earned them the nickname Charlie Cong. Rumors that Charlie Company's commander, Captain Ernest Medina, purposefully encouraged this unruliness were circulating, but most Americans pitied the men of Charlie Company, knowing that many gory encounters with the Viet Cong and severe combat fatigue were the most likely reason for Charlie Company's going astray.
These reasons are also the ones Bray cites in his memoir. He chooses not to judge the men of Charlie Company for what they had done in My Lai, assigning the blame for the massacre to the overall brutality of an armed conflict.
On one hand, there is truth in his point of view. The unconventional conflict made the American soldiers mistrustful of the local population, which could welcome them one moment and ambush them the next. The pain and the frustration that built up within them, as they witnessed comrades with whom they had built special friendships die, combined with combat fatigue and manifested themselves in bitterness and aggression, which in turn led to irrational outbreaks of violence. Before My Lai, there was the Ha My massacre, before that – Tiger Force's seven-month killing spree, and these were just the large, unit-level atrocities. The acts of individual brutality were countless, too many to have all been labeled as committed by insane individuals.
On the other hand, the author is quick to accept that since the nature of military conflicts is inherently brutal, nothing can be done to prevent atrocities like My Lai from happening. I immersed myself in his thoughts, and I sensed that Bray had become numb to what was happening around him almost immediately after coming to Vietnam. As he narrates, upon his arrival in Vietnam after unhelpful jungle training in Panama, he was tasked with winning the hearts of the Vietnamese people while killing the Viet Cong who jeopardized the villagers' safety. Understandably, this was a challenging task, considering that he commanded the infamous company whose previous members had committed a heinous war crime. I found it strange that although Bray mentions that among the villagers he and his men were dealing with were most likely many whose relatives had been murdered in the My Lai massacre, he continues to sympathize only with the former members of Charlie Company and expresses his concern only for the safety of his men. His attitude toward the Vietnamese civilians is hostile and callous.
For instance, he describes how one of his subordinates, Armstrong, almost shot an elderly man and a small child. When Bray saw the crying man and the little child clinging to his leg, his first reaction was to point his M14 at the old man's chest as if he would not have shown him his South Vietnamese identification card otherwise. Furthermore, when another subordinate asked Armstrong why he had not just shot the man and the kid and Armstong replied that he would not shoot at a child, Bray chose to remain silent on the subject. In my opinion, this is not all a commander should do to discourage murderous tendencies among his men. He could have at least supported Armstrong's statement.
This and similar instances of indifference he demonstrates throughout his narrative made my glimpsing over his shoulder disturbing. I might be wrong, but something in his tone and attitude was telling me that if he had been ordered to massacre civilians in a village, he would have killed them without thinking twice and then said: "Well, this is war." I strongly disagree with this mindset because courageous individuals like the forgotten hero of My Lai, Hugh Thompson, have demonstrated that military conflicts are indeed brutal, but how brutal you will be is up to you. Watching Charlie Company murder the My Lai villagers from his helicopter, Thompson could have decided that what was happening on the ground was none of his business, but he did not. Instead, he and other pilots risked their lives to save whomever they could.
AFTER MY LAI is a dark memoir. I saw a reviewer praise Bray for speaking for a generation of young men who fought in Vietnam and are still being judged. While he indeed spoke for them, I would not say that his work, which reveals his occasionally disturbing thought process, presents a flattering image of the American soldiers. Instead, I found it to be a memorable reminder that war brings suffering, appeals to man's lowest instincts of fear and hatred, and should be avoided at all costs. The author's description of how easy it was for him to kill a man – he thought of the person as a simple silhouette target and when he saw him stumble and fall, he felt elated – is telling enough. "You don't think of the possibility that it could have been you lying there with open, unseeing eyes and body torn apart. You are too young to think such thoughts. You are fascinated by the power you hold in your hands. It will be an easy thing to return home if you survive this war, which you surely will, and to forget the things you have done in this place."
April 6, 2023
A brief but very readable description of being a front line leader during the Vietnam conflict.
March 16, 2017
Thank you.
Very well written.
Lt. Bray , you have spoken for a generation of young men ( and women ) who made sacrifices that even in 2017 people still sit in judgment of.
I am married to a man whose war was in the middle east and proudly retired from active duty and continues to serve our country in a civilian position . Thank you and countless others ( including the families who kept the home fires burning ) for your service.
And for those who still sit in judgement , do not judge something you will never understand.
Because of men like Lt. Bray , we live in the greatest country on this planet .
Very well written.
Lt. Bray , you have spoken for a generation of young men ( and women ) who made sacrifices that even in 2017 people still sit in judgment of.
I am married to a man whose war was in the middle east and proudly retired from active duty and continues to serve our country in a civilian position . Thank you and countless others ( including the families who kept the home fires burning ) for your service.
And for those who still sit in judgement , do not judge something you will never understand.
Because of men like Lt. Bray , we live in the greatest country on this planet .
February 7, 2016
After My Lai: My Year Commanding First Platoon, Charlie Company by Gary W. Bray (University of Oklahoma Press 2010) (Biography). This is one of the best Viet Nam “on the ground” books ever. The author succeeded William Calley as Second Lieutenant of the infantry company at the heart of the My Lai massacre. My rating: 7.5/10, finished 10/1/2010.
October 30, 2011
Excellent book. A young lieutenant's experience in Vietnam and his platoon's link to the My Lai massacre.
Read
March 10, 2015DIDNT GET THRU IT
August 25, 2015
An excellent read and insight to the thought processes of men at war in the shadow of My Lai.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews