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Unruly: Deconstruct the Rules, Defy the Norms, and Define Your Success
When the rules stop working for you,
Unruly
is the guide to navigate your authentic path to personalized success.
Rules are necessary for a functional society, but many “rules” we follow are simply conventional wisdom, norms, or limited interpretations. We’re expected to play along by conforming, following the crowd, and steering toward comfortable paths. But viewing rules as a starting point rather than as an endpoint opens worlds of opportunities for your success.
Unruly is your manual to identify your best maneuvers in the gray areas that allow you to authentically create and secure your own path to success. Lauren Wittenberg Weiner, a powerful speaker and business leader who has upended barriers on her journey toward extraordinary success, teaches readers in any industry how
Navigate your own space within the rules while remaining in compliance and maintaining a strong moral compass. Convert fear and imposter syndrome into a superpower. Determine when it’s time to stop listening to what people think you should or could do to find what you can do. Use your power to be a gateway, not a gatekeeper, for others.
Borrowing from concepts in psychology, law, business, and the military, Unruly uncovers a deep understanding of rules and where they bend to equip readers for personalized success.
Rules are necessary for a functional society, but many “rules” we follow are simply conventional wisdom, norms, or limited interpretations. We’re expected to play along by conforming, following the crowd, and steering toward comfortable paths. But viewing rules as a starting point rather than as an endpoint opens worlds of opportunities for your success.
Unruly is your manual to identify your best maneuvers in the gray areas that allow you to authentically create and secure your own path to success. Lauren Wittenberg Weiner, a powerful speaker and business leader who has upended barriers on her journey toward extraordinary success, teaches readers in any industry how
Navigate your own space within the rules while remaining in compliance and maintaining a strong moral compass. Convert fear and imposter syndrome into a superpower. Determine when it’s time to stop listening to what people think you should or could do to find what you can do. Use your power to be a gateway, not a gatekeeper, for others.
Borrowing from concepts in psychology, law, business, and the military, Unruly uncovers a deep understanding of rules and where they bend to equip readers for personalized success.
256 pages, Hardcover
Published July 1, 2025
5 people are currently reading
1668 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
July 4, 2025
Unfortunately, Unruly didn’t really hold my interest. While I appreciated the author’s perspective and her journey, I found the writing and ideas repetitive and a bit too drawn out. I was hoping for more fresh insight or practical takeaways but ended up feeling bored halfway through.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read this one.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read this one.
put-aside-for-later-or-never
June 30, 2025DNF. Got 40% through and it never got beyond self congratulation and platitudes. I even looked up the publisher, certain it was a vanity press but apparently they’re legitimate.
I tried to give it a little more of a chance but the audio file stopped working so I figured that was fate having mercy on me!
Thanks to NetGalley for an opportunity to read this advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
I tried to give it a little more of a chance but the audio file stopped working so I figured that was fate having mercy on me!
Thanks to NetGalley for an opportunity to read this advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
July 3, 2025
As a millennial who spent over a decade navigating a male-dominated industry—and battled imposter syndrome even as I climbed the ladder—Unruly was the reminder I didn’t know I needed: not only do I belong, but I can keep going and go even further.
Yes, it’s written for the “panini generation.” Yes, it speaks to entrepreneurs and caretakers. But at its core, this is a book for anyone who feels stuck, underestimated, or under pressure to conform.
Unruly is more than inspiring—it’s practical. A true toolkit filled with real-world resources (actual websites, phone numbers, and strategies) that I’ll be keeping front and center in my office for the long haul.
Yes, it’s written for the “panini generation.” Yes, it speaks to entrepreneurs and caretakers. But at its core, this is a book for anyone who feels stuck, underestimated, or under pressure to conform.
Unruly is more than inspiring—it’s practical. A true toolkit filled with real-world resources (actual websites, phone numbers, and strategies) that I’ll be keeping front and center in my office for the long haul.
July 7, 2025
I’m in my late 20s, and I recently decided to take a big chance in my career—leaving the safe, stable path to chase something that feels way more aligned with who I really am (terrifying, but exciting). I picked up Unruly on a friend’s recommendation, and wow… it felt like it was written just for me.
This isn’t your typical “go chase your dreams!” fluff. It’s smart, empowering, and brutally honest about what it takes to break away from expectations and carve your own path—without losing your sanity in the process. The author totally gets what it’s like to feel pulled in a million directions and still want more for yourself.
I highlighted SO many lines that I know I’ll keep coming back to when self-doubt creeps in. If you’re standing at the edge of a big decision—or already mid-jump—this book is the reminder you need that it’s okay to take the risk, break a few rules, and build a life that’s fully yours.
Highly recommend for anyone who’s done being “reasonable” and ready to bet on themselves.
This isn’t your typical “go chase your dreams!” fluff. It’s smart, empowering, and brutally honest about what it takes to break away from expectations and carve your own path—without losing your sanity in the process. The author totally gets what it’s like to feel pulled in a million directions and still want more for yourself.
I highlighted SO many lines that I know I’ll keep coming back to when self-doubt creeps in. If you’re standing at the edge of a big decision—or already mid-jump—this book is the reminder you need that it’s okay to take the risk, break a few rules, and build a life that’s fully yours.
Highly recommend for anyone who’s done being “reasonable” and ready to bet on themselves.
July 1, 2025
“Just because the mountain is in front of you doesn’t mean you need to climb it.”
I loved this book and I have genuinely never said that about a nonfiction read.
I found myself engaged with the writing and storytelling throughout the entirety of the book and I recommended it to two people in my circle (or at my kitchen table, if you will) before I even finished it.
The book drives the importance of sticking to your moral compass while seeking ways to effectively grow and shake the status quo. It also touches on important and timely topics such as racism and DEI, same sex marriage, disabilities and discrimination.
I foresee this being a book that I revisit many times in the future to help me navigate the things that I want to accomplish in life.
I highly recommend this book for entrepreneurs, leaders, parents, and growth minded humans.
I loved this book and I have genuinely never said that about a nonfiction read.
I found myself engaged with the writing and storytelling throughout the entirety of the book and I recommended it to two people in my circle (or at my kitchen table, if you will) before I even finished it.
The book drives the importance of sticking to your moral compass while seeking ways to effectively grow and shake the status quo. It also touches on important and timely topics such as racism and DEI, same sex marriage, disabilities and discrimination.
I foresee this being a book that I revisit many times in the future to help me navigate the things that I want to accomplish in life.
I highly recommend this book for entrepreneurs, leaders, parents, and growth minded humans.
July 2, 2025
Lauren Wittenberg Weiner is likely one of the most successful women entrepreneurs you’ve never heard of. She has a truly inspiring ability to break through barriers and forge new paths, and in this book she helps all of us learn from her journey. A must read for leaders and aspiring leaders, especially in today’s environment.
August 31, 2025
Unruly was such a refreshing and practical read! Her guidance on how to work with the system to find creative solutions really stuck with me. It’s not about ignoring structure, but navigating it smarter. This book is perfect if you’re looking for ways to be innovative without causing chaos. Super insightful, empowering and helpful in business and everyday life.
July 2, 2025
Lauren Weiner’s Unruly is a compelling and candid memoir chronicling her journey as a military spouse turned CEO of a highly successful defense contracting firm specializing in Special Operations support. While Weiner herself is not a Special Operations Forces (SOF) operator, she demonstrates over and over again how mastering the SOF imperatives and internalizing the SOF truths can be the key to thriving in a high-stakes, operator-dominated environment.
Out-Operating the Operators
What makes Unruly hit so hard is its central paradox: two military spouses outsiders in every traditional sense did not just succeed in a male-dominated, SOF-centric business world. They out-operated the operators. Through relentless learning, disciplined execution, and a deep respect for the regulatory and operational terrain, Weiner and her team did what many inside the community assume is their exclusive domain: they mastered it.
Weiner’s success wasn’t based on credentials—she’s not a lawyer, nor a special operator but rather on doing the work. She immersed herself in the regulatory environment, interpreted complex acquisition rules, and anticipated operational needs in ways that even seasoned insiders sometimes overlook. She didn’t just know the rules—she showed she knew them, and that made all the difference.
⸻
SOF Imperatives in Action
The U.S. Special Operations community outlines 12 SOF Operational Imperatives—principles meant to guide mission success. Weiner’s journey exemplifies nearly all of them:
1. Understand the Operational Environment – She made it her business to understand the nuances of military contracting and SOF requirements better than many insiders.
2. Recognize Political Implications – Her firm navigated bureaucratic and political landscapes with precision, even securing waivers when appropriate.
3. Facilitate Interagency Activities – She partnered with various agencies, learning their languages and priorities.
4. Engage the Threat Discriminately – In business terms, she focused energy where it mattered, identifying key decision-makers and needs.
5. Anticipate Long-Term Effects – She wasn’t building quick wins; she was developing sustainable relationships and services.
6. Ensure Legitimacy and Credibility – By mastering the rules, she built trust in a skeptical ecosystem.
7. Anticipate and Control Psychological Effects – Her leadership style and communication showed an acute awareness of human dynamics.
8. Operate with and Through Others – She empowered teams and built coalitions, both within the company and across agencies.
9. Develop Multiple Options – Her firm was known for agility—offering customized, flexible solutions.
10. Support Long-Term Engagement – She cultivated enduring partnerships with SOF units and the broader defense community.
11. Provide Sufficient Intelligence – Her business decisions were always driven by research and context, not guesswork.
12. Balance Security and Synchronization – She demonstrated how to move quickly while still aligning with government oversight and compliance.
⸻
SOF Truths as a Business Ethos
Weiner’s journey also speaks to the enduring SOF Truths, especially:
• “Humans are more important than hardware.”
Her firm focused on human capital, understanding that expertise and relationships were the key assets.
• “Competent SOF cannot be created after emergencies occur.”
She built depth and readiness into her organization, so they were prepared before opportunity struck.
• “Most special operations require non-SOF support.”
Her entire business model is a real-world case study in this truth.
⸻
Beyond Credentials: The Power of Preparation
Drawing on ideas like those in Fooled by Randomness, the book reminds us that success often appears like luck from the outside but inside, it’s the result of preparation meeting opportunity. Unlike many who take credit when things go well and blame others when they don’t, Weiner’s narrative embraces accountability and rigor.
Her story is a powerful rebuttal to the idea that community membership (e.g., being SOF or male) inherently equates to competence. Expertise comes from dedication and a willingness to do the hard, often thankless work—and she did.
⸻
Final Thoughts
Unruly is not just a story of entrepreneurial grit it’s a leadership manual for military spouses, contractors, and even active-duty operators who want to understand what operational excellence really looks like. Whether or not you’ve graduated from a military school, the core message is clear: success in the SOF environment is not about identity it’s about mastering the imperatives, internalizing the truths, and showing up ready.
Highly recommended for:
• Military spouses aiming to build careers in the defense space
• Special Operators seeking perspective outside their echo chamber
• Acquisition professionals and policymakers who want to see how the system can work when you know how to work it.
Out-Operating the Operators
What makes Unruly hit so hard is its central paradox: two military spouses outsiders in every traditional sense did not just succeed in a male-dominated, SOF-centric business world. They out-operated the operators. Through relentless learning, disciplined execution, and a deep respect for the regulatory and operational terrain, Weiner and her team did what many inside the community assume is their exclusive domain: they mastered it.
Weiner’s success wasn’t based on credentials—she’s not a lawyer, nor a special operator but rather on doing the work. She immersed herself in the regulatory environment, interpreted complex acquisition rules, and anticipated operational needs in ways that even seasoned insiders sometimes overlook. She didn’t just know the rules—she showed she knew them, and that made all the difference.
⸻
SOF Imperatives in Action
The U.S. Special Operations community outlines 12 SOF Operational Imperatives—principles meant to guide mission success. Weiner’s journey exemplifies nearly all of them:
1. Understand the Operational Environment – She made it her business to understand the nuances of military contracting and SOF requirements better than many insiders.
2. Recognize Political Implications – Her firm navigated bureaucratic and political landscapes with precision, even securing waivers when appropriate.
3. Facilitate Interagency Activities – She partnered with various agencies, learning their languages and priorities.
4. Engage the Threat Discriminately – In business terms, she focused energy where it mattered, identifying key decision-makers and needs.
5. Anticipate Long-Term Effects – She wasn’t building quick wins; she was developing sustainable relationships and services.
6. Ensure Legitimacy and Credibility – By mastering the rules, she built trust in a skeptical ecosystem.
7. Anticipate and Control Psychological Effects – Her leadership style and communication showed an acute awareness of human dynamics.
8. Operate with and Through Others – She empowered teams and built coalitions, both within the company and across agencies.
9. Develop Multiple Options – Her firm was known for agility—offering customized, flexible solutions.
10. Support Long-Term Engagement – She cultivated enduring partnerships with SOF units and the broader defense community.
11. Provide Sufficient Intelligence – Her business decisions were always driven by research and context, not guesswork.
12. Balance Security and Synchronization – She demonstrated how to move quickly while still aligning with government oversight and compliance.
⸻
SOF Truths as a Business Ethos
Weiner’s journey also speaks to the enduring SOF Truths, especially:
• “Humans are more important than hardware.”
Her firm focused on human capital, understanding that expertise and relationships were the key assets.
• “Competent SOF cannot be created after emergencies occur.”
She built depth and readiness into her organization, so they were prepared before opportunity struck.
• “Most special operations require non-SOF support.”
Her entire business model is a real-world case study in this truth.
⸻
Beyond Credentials: The Power of Preparation
Drawing on ideas like those in Fooled by Randomness, the book reminds us that success often appears like luck from the outside but inside, it’s the result of preparation meeting opportunity. Unlike many who take credit when things go well and blame others when they don’t, Weiner’s narrative embraces accountability and rigor.
Her story is a powerful rebuttal to the idea that community membership (e.g., being SOF or male) inherently equates to competence. Expertise comes from dedication and a willingness to do the hard, often thankless work—and she did.
⸻
Final Thoughts
Unruly is not just a story of entrepreneurial grit it’s a leadership manual for military spouses, contractors, and even active-duty operators who want to understand what operational excellence really looks like. Whether or not you’ve graduated from a military school, the core message is clear: success in the SOF environment is not about identity it’s about mastering the imperatives, internalizing the truths, and showing up ready.
Highly recommended for:
• Military spouses aiming to build careers in the defense space
• Special Operators seeking perspective outside their echo chamber
• Acquisition professionals and policymakers who want to see how the system can work when you know how to work it.
July 12, 2025
There is tremendous value in this book. What stands out is how Wittenberg-Weiner provokes continual epistemological thought processing while juxtaposing her personal narrative, tangible case studies, psychology, and helpful anecdotes. There is genuine wisdom to be gleaned by this book. I know one can become jaded by the inundation of similarly-themed books on the market, but Wittenberg-Weiner distilled the best concepts from this genre, and spared us from those that aren't fruitful and trite. She did this in a manner that is exceptionally well-written, with a wealth of information that can be applied occupationally and personally. In particular for me, the portion of the book laying out how to create, "your own kitchen cabinet" resonated with me on a personal level that I will apply to my life moving forward. I feel this book hit the "sweet spot" in a lot of ways- 1) Profound, yet accessible 2) Pushing boundaries, but staying ethical 3) Embracing your strengths, but limiting your ego 4) Taking risks, but not being reckless 5) Finding authentic meaning in your life, while contending with challenges we all face. It is no surprise that her list of those in praise of her book contain military leaders, CEOs, and legislators. This book can help anyone, including those who hold high places. I will be purchasing copies of this book to give to my loved ones, because I know it will improve their lives, like it has mine.
July 4, 2025
Weiner stands out in the leadership space by doing what few authors can: blending insights from psychology, government and business into genuinely practical guidance. Her approach isn’t about breaking rules—it’s about understanding them well enough to find creative solutions within them. What makes Weiner credible is her track record as a business leader who’s actually implemented these strategies, not just theorized about them. Her treatment of imposter syndrome and fear is particularly refreshing: instead of dismissing these challenges, she shows how to transform them into competitive advantages.
Weiner’s ethical foundation sets her apart from typical “climb at all costs” mentality. She advocates for using power to lift others up—not just nice philosophy, but smart strategy from someone who understands that sustainable success requires building allies, not stepping on them. For professionals tired of leadership advice from consultants who’ve never run anything, Weiner offers something different: battle-tested wisdom from someone who’s navigated real organizational complexities and come out ahead.
Weiner’s ethical foundation sets her apart from typical “climb at all costs” mentality. She advocates for using power to lift others up—not just nice philosophy, but smart strategy from someone who understands that sustainable success requires building allies, not stepping on them. For professionals tired of leadership advice from consultants who’ve never run anything, Weiner offers something different: battle-tested wisdom from someone who’s navigated real organizational complexities and come out ahead.
July 21, 2025
THIS book is honestly such a game-changer for anyone trying to make it in business! It doesn't just tell you the stuff everyone already knows about rules - it actually shows you how to work the system and find those loopholes that the successful people use but never talk about.
The author is so smart about breaking down not just what the rules are, but where you can bend them a little (legally, obviously!). It's like having that friend who's already made it give you all the insider secrets over coffee, you know?
I loved how thorough it was without being overwhelming. Like, it's clearly written by someone who actually knows what they're talking about and has been there. If you're trying to grow your business and tired of getting the same generic advice everywhere else, this one's definitely worth picking up. It's the kind of book that makes you feel like you finally have a real strategy instead of just winging it!
The author is so smart about breaking down not just what the rules are, but where you can bend them a little (legally, obviously!). It's like having that friend who's already made it give you all the insider secrets over coffee, you know?
I loved how thorough it was without being overwhelming. Like, it's clearly written by someone who actually knows what they're talking about and has been there. If you're trying to grow your business and tired of getting the same generic advice everywhere else, this one's definitely worth picking up. It's the kind of book that makes you feel like you finally have a real strategy instead of just winging it!
July 27, 2025
Lauren Wittenberg Weiner’s Unruly is a refreshingly bold and deeply personal guide to success on your own terms. With a voice that’s equal parts wise mentor and candid friend, she breaks down how to navigate the professional world without compromising your values. This book is not a glossy blueprint for overnight success, but rather a toolkit for sustained, meaningful growth. Drawing from her personal journey and professional insights, Weiner dismantles outdated norms and challenges the reader to question assumptions, embrace discomfort, and lead with integrity. It’s equal parts strategy and heart, filled with memorable insights. This is more than a professional development book—it’s a manifesto for meaningful, values-driven leadership. Empowering, practical, and full of heart.
July 3, 2025
So grateful to have come across this book! "Unruly" is a thoughtful, practical, and inspiring addition to the professional development genre. Lauren Wittenberg Weiner offers genuinely fresh perspectives on achieving success without sacrificing integrity or authenticity. Her premise is both revolutionary and elegant in its simplicity: success doesn't require breaking rules, but rather understanding them well enough to find the spaces where authentic achievement can flourish. "Unruly" is a must-read for anyone looking to succeed in business or civic leadership. Ten out of ten recommend.
July 1, 2025
Finding the way around obstacles takes creative thinking and a deep understanding of what the rules are. With Unruly, Lauren Weiner describes how her days as a White House policy wonk applied to her business success and her leadership roles.
If you want to have impact in your life, start getting UNRULY!
If you want to have impact in your life, start getting UNRULY!
July 2, 2025
Do not miss! Must read! This book was a perfect addition to my career guidance library. The theme of knowing the rules so you can play within them really resonated with me. It feels like there are so many out there that just ignore the rules or cheat, and that doesn’t align with my values. So great to have a path to success that give space to be my authentic self.
July 8, 2025
Unruly hit deeply. It’s a bold, honest reflection on what it means to lead, persevere, and stay true to yourself even when the world expects you to play by someone else’s rules. Her story (and the way she tells it) reminds us that being “unruly” isn’t a flaw, it’s a strength.
August 17, 2025
This book is so thought provoking! Her experience is very niche but she lays out a pattern for navigating your own success in a unique narrow-path way. This is definitely a read that I will want to buy and have on my shelf to return to.
October 10, 2025
Lauren takes her incredible experience, not just in GovCon, but other business, and distills and explains those concepts for a wider audience. Her Unruly approach is something that will be helpful in whatever path you’re following—it may even make you stop and think about being a better person.
November 10, 2025
This is a good book on how to think outside the box and interpret the trike so that you can find it favorable to what you want to do, still complying to the rule. Author shares several practical ways to achieve what you think is your dream.
September 2, 2025
A great leadership book on an essential skill whether you hold a “managing/leading” role of how to comply while also seeing the systems and things that could/need to be better
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews