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Diddly Squat #4
Diddly Squat: Home to Roost
Welcome back to Clarkson’s Farm.
So, that went well . . .
The spring barley crop failed.
Just like the oil seed rape.
And the durum wheat.
Then the oats turned the colour of a hearing aid and the mushrooms went mouldy.
Farming sheep, pigs and cows was hardly more lucrative. Jeremy would be better off trying to breed ostriches.
But in the face of uncooperative weather, the relentless realities of the agricultural economy, bureaucracy, a truculent local planning department and the world’s persistent refusal to recognise his ingenuity and genius, our hero’s not beaten yet. Not while the farm shop’s still doing a roaring trade in candles that smell like his knacker hammock, he isn’t.
On the face of it, the challenges of making a success of Diddly Squat are enough to have you weeping into your (Hawkstone) beer, but misery loves company and in girlfriend Lisa, Farm Manager Kaleb, Cheerful Charlie and Gerald his Head of Security Jeremy knows he’s got the best. And it’s hard for a chap to feel too gloomy about things when there’s a JCB telehandler, a crop-spraying hovercraft and a digger in the barn.
Because as a wise man* once said, ‘there’s no man alive who wouldn’t have fun with a digger . . .’
So, that went well . . .
The spring barley crop failed.
Just like the oil seed rape.
And the durum wheat.
Then the oats turned the colour of a hearing aid and the mushrooms went mouldy.
Farming sheep, pigs and cows was hardly more lucrative. Jeremy would be better off trying to breed ostriches.
But in the face of uncooperative weather, the relentless realities of the agricultural economy, bureaucracy, a truculent local planning department and the world’s persistent refusal to recognise his ingenuity and genius, our hero’s not beaten yet. Not while the farm shop’s still doing a roaring trade in candles that smell like his knacker hammock, he isn’t.
On the face of it, the challenges of making a success of Diddly Squat are enough to have you weeping into your (Hawkstone) beer, but misery loves company and in girlfriend Lisa, Farm Manager Kaleb, Cheerful Charlie and Gerald his Head of Security Jeremy knows he’s got the best. And it’s hard for a chap to feel too gloomy about things when there’s a JCB telehandler, a crop-spraying hovercraft and a digger in the barn.
Because as a wise man* once said, ‘there’s no man alive who wouldn’t have fun with a digger . . .’
224 pages, Paperback
First published October 24, 2024
232 people are currently reading
1645 people want to read
About the author
Jeremy Clarkson
59 books1,078 followersJeremy Charles Robert Clarkson (born April 11, 1960) is an English broadcaster and writer who specialises in motoring.
He writes weekly columns for The Sunday Times and The Sun, but is better known for his role on the BBC television programme Top Gear.
From a career as a local journalist in the north of England, he rose to public prominence as a presenter of the original format of Top Gear in 1988. Since the mid-1990s Clarkson has become a recognised public personality, regularly appearing on British television presenting his own shows and appearing as a guest on other shows. As well as motoring, Clarkson has produced programmes and books on subjects such as history and engineering. From 1998 to 2000 he also hosted his own chat show, Clarkson.
His opinionated but humorous tongue-in-cheek writing and presenting style has often generated much public reaction to his viewpoints. His actions both privately and as a Top Gear presenter have also sometimes resulted in criticism from the media, politicians, pressure groups and the public.
As well as the criticism levelled against him, Clarkson also generated a significant following in the public at large, being credited as a factor in the resurgence of Top Gear to the most popular show on BBC Two, and calls for him to be made Prime Minister. Clarkson himself was keen to downplay his perceived influence on the British public, stating he regularly contradicts himself, and would make a "rubbish" Prime Minister.
He writes weekly columns for The Sunday Times and The Sun, but is better known for his role on the BBC television programme Top Gear.
From a career as a local journalist in the north of England, he rose to public prominence as a presenter of the original format of Top Gear in 1988. Since the mid-1990s Clarkson has become a recognised public personality, regularly appearing on British television presenting his own shows and appearing as a guest on other shows. As well as motoring, Clarkson has produced programmes and books on subjects such as history and engineering. From 1998 to 2000 he also hosted his own chat show, Clarkson.
His opinionated but humorous tongue-in-cheek writing and presenting style has often generated much public reaction to his viewpoints. His actions both privately and as a Top Gear presenter have also sometimes resulted in criticism from the media, politicians, pressure groups and the public.
As well as the criticism levelled against him, Clarkson also generated a significant following in the public at large, being credited as a factor in the resurgence of Top Gear to the most popular show on BBC Two, and calls for him to be made Prime Minister. Clarkson himself was keen to downplay his perceived influence on the British public, stating he regularly contradicts himself, and would make a "rubbish" Prime Minister.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 150 reviews
September 15, 2025
This is the fourth instalment of Diddly Squat books, and unfortunately my least favorite one thus far. Although Clarkson is still funny and spares no one in his writing, this one became a bit repetitive. Reading this, I am always just glad that I am not a farmer in Britain as they have so many challenges that sometimes makes no sense to the practice of farming, that it would drive you crazy. Still a good enough read and hoping the next one will be a classic again.
January 4, 2025
Witty read about his farm and life
November 2, 2024
Absolute genius. It had me laughing out loud on public transport, much to the dismay of all the Swiss people sitting around me. Clarkson makes some very good points regarding farming and politics wrapped up in typical British humour.
I will be rereading this whenever I need to get out of a reading slump.
I will be rereading this whenever I need to get out of a reading slump.
September 4, 2025
Love, love, love! Am a huge fan of Clarkson's Farm on Amazon Prime and picked this book up in my local Tesco's needing a quick read and really enjoyed it. Laughed out loud and loved it so much, have picked up all the others in the series (and pre-ordered the 2026 release).
August 12, 2025
It’s bloody brilliant, talking about real issues while talking he usual shit
January 7, 2025
Diddly Squat: Home To Roost is book four in the Diddly Squat series of books written by Jeremy Clarkson about his farm, rural life and his frustrations with bureaucratic legislation.
The contents of this book first appeared in a column that he writes for The Sunday Times and if you’ve watched any of his television series, some of the anecdotes may also seem familiar.
Funny? At times, yes. Troubling? Yes, especially when he points out that our government will now pay farmers to grow crops of inedible foods like grasses and wild flowers, rather than helping our country to produce its own foods. And it’s not just Britain, farmers in Europe can no longer afford to grow foods because of high input costs and low retail prices. So what will happen? How will the world feed its inhabitants? Do people care? Well I do.
Food for our future is important and Clarkson is using his voice and his position to speak loudly on behalf of farmers and food enthusiasts and anyone who eats food at all. It’s funny, it’s eye-opening and what he says needs to be listened to.
The contents of this book first appeared in a column that he writes for The Sunday Times and if you’ve watched any of his television series, some of the anecdotes may also seem familiar.
Funny? At times, yes. Troubling? Yes, especially when he points out that our government will now pay farmers to grow crops of inedible foods like grasses and wild flowers, rather than helping our country to produce its own foods. And it’s not just Britain, farmers in Europe can no longer afford to grow foods because of high input costs and low retail prices. So what will happen? How will the world feed its inhabitants? Do people care? Well I do.
Food for our future is important and Clarkson is using his voice and his position to speak loudly on behalf of farmers and food enthusiasts and anyone who eats food at all. It’s funny, it’s eye-opening and what he says needs to be listened to.
February 23, 2025
An excellent read as always by Mr Clarkson on the troubles and challenges of farming and plenty of humour and laughter that comes with Jeremy and his antics. Very interesting and valuable information on farming and what it really takes to be a farmer in Britain. These are the sort of books that allow me to enjoy reading a bit more than usual.
December 5, 2024
Still funny, but not as funny as the previous three. Still so much to learn about modern farming problems and regulations in England today.
February 27, 2025
Not as funny as I’d hoped. Some insight into the challenges facing farmers which was good.
Otherwise the font was big, the book was short and overpriced.
Otherwise the font was big, the book was short and overpriced.
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July 22, 2025This is a series of books based on the tv show called Clarkson's Farm which has four seasons. The first three books match the first three seasons of the show so you would expect book to match season four. It does include some of the things on season but there's a large amount I don't remember watching. The next issue is that season four mainly focused on a pub and that is missing from this book. So I did a little digging and a new book in this series is coming out soon that focuses on the pub. That would mean season four was divided into two books so the parts I don't remember has to have been on the show. Though it is possible that it's just a mix of things from season four, random articles, and things that didn't make it onto the show.
April 20, 2025
Unfortunately, of the four Clarkson column collections, this one was the one I couldn’t find at any of my libraries and had to buy. It was shorter than the others, covered most of the same topics, and was just generally boring. In ranking the four collections, this would take second place, which isn’t really silver-medal-winning when you consider the other three share first together. Still worth it if you’re in a Clarkson’s Farm drought until late May (like me), I guess.
November 5, 2024
Another funny book from Jeremy sadly, this was woefully short and I got to the end much too quickly. I chuckled my way through this book and look forward to the next one.
August 27, 2025
Finished in just 2 hours and 17 minutes — another brilliant read from Clarkson!
I’ll admit I’m not reading his books in any particular order; this was just one I stumbled across. That said, I loved it.
Clarkson manages to be articulate while still maintaining his trademark wit. He doesn’t shy away from uncomfortable truths, remains very self-aware of his privileged position, and genuinely shows his care for the farming industry.
Some of my favourite moments were his sharp little jabs at Trump, Putin, and “Mr Rishi.”
The book ranges from rants about the weather and government policy to, somewhat hilariously…shipping containers.
The chapter on “machinery” felt like Clarkson simply cataloguing his latest toys. Gone are the supercars, replaced with big, expensive farming equipment. Still entertaining, though!
And I have to mention the illustrations! Whoever does them is incredibly talented.
Overall: LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this one. Can’t wait to dive into more of his work!
I’ll admit I’m not reading his books in any particular order; this was just one I stumbled across. That said, I loved it.
Clarkson manages to be articulate while still maintaining his trademark wit. He doesn’t shy away from uncomfortable truths, remains very self-aware of his privileged position, and genuinely shows his care for the farming industry.
Some of my favourite moments were his sharp little jabs at Trump, Putin, and “Mr Rishi.”
The book ranges from rants about the weather and government policy to, somewhat hilariously…shipping containers.
The chapter on “machinery” felt like Clarkson simply cataloguing his latest toys. Gone are the supercars, replaced with big, expensive farming equipment. Still entertaining, though!
And I have to mention the illustrations! Whoever does them is incredibly talented.
Overall: LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this one. Can’t wait to dive into more of his work!
February 2, 2025
So good! Thanks Millsy and Merry Christmas
April 22, 2025
Jeremy Clarkson can be a very divisive person, some love him and others despise him. Me, I'm not generally fussed either way, however after watching Clarksons Farm I have a new appreciation for him and how he's raised the media profile of the British farmer & their industry.
So with that in mind, having been given this book I thought it might be a good accompaniment to the show, maybe a run through and behind the scenes look on what's being dealt with on the farm on a daily basis. Sadly that wasn't the case, it's essentially just a collection of his Sunday Times columns over the last 18 months which while they focus on his farming, aren't really telling me much of a story, making me laugh or even peaking my interest much at all. If I'd have realised what it was, I'd not have taken the book and definitely wouldn't have read it. Maybe my expectations meant that I'm being overly critical, and I'm sure someone will love it, but for me I'm hitting the lowest marks, 1/5, sorry Jezza.
So with that in mind, having been given this book I thought it might be a good accompaniment to the show, maybe a run through and behind the scenes look on what's being dealt with on the farm on a daily basis. Sadly that wasn't the case, it's essentially just a collection of his Sunday Times columns over the last 18 months which while they focus on his farming, aren't really telling me much of a story, making me laugh or even peaking my interest much at all. If I'd have realised what it was, I'd not have taken the book and definitely wouldn't have read it. Maybe my expectations meant that I'm being overly critical, and I'm sure someone will love it, but for me I'm hitting the lowest marks, 1/5, sorry Jezza.
June 1, 2025
Bought at Dublin Airport, read on the duration of an Emerald Airlines flight back home. Clarkson’s previous position doing more good than harm in these expostulations has been completely reversed with age, the days of these being packed with interesting and pertinent points on the future of British farming and its struggles chucked away for general tosh about climate change, Palestine, and god knows what else. There are, to very little redemption, still some of that old stuff in here, but it is few and far between. As are realistic farming stories. It’s starting to seem that this is a failed experiment for Clarkson and I’m not sure he’s succeeding much as a spokesperson for farmers at all. Maybe time to give it up and let a tenant farmer have a crack again?
March 7, 2025
I've really enjoyed reading this book and this series. I know Jeremy is very straight talking but I like the way he tells us of the honest issues he's come across since owning the farm. The world is changing when it comes to global warming, how we can get produce, how we can sell produce etc. This gives a very behind the scenes look at the workings of being a farmer.
Great read, very honest but with Jeremy's usual wit and story-telling quips. I like his thoughts on the machines and equipment he's used around the farm.
I'm hoping there is more to come from Jeremy, Lisa and the team and I appreciate the work that Jeremy and other farmers around the land do.
Great read, very honest but with Jeremy's usual wit and story-telling quips. I like his thoughts on the machines and equipment he's used around the farm.
I'm hoping there is more to come from Jeremy, Lisa and the team and I appreciate the work that Jeremy and other farmers around the land do.
January 2, 2025
Disappointed with this one, the other books in this series have all been interesting and funny stories about Clarksons farm, some aired on the show and some not. However, this book was a random assortment of newspaper articles c.50% were actually about the farm (in a book meant to be about farms) and the other 50% were the ramblings of an old man angry with the world (some were funny granted).
On top of that there are 24 pages of guff to pack the book out.
Feels like this has been chucked together in a week for a cash grab which is disappointing after the first ones were so good. 2/5.
On top of that there are 24 pages of guff to pack the book out.
Feels like this has been chucked together in a week for a cash grab which is disappointing after the first ones were so good. 2/5.
May 27, 2025
Funny in places, even surprisingly thoughtful in others, and decorously garnished with divisive opinions, not all of which I personally care for.
But it's an entertaining and insightful look into life on Diddly Squat, perhaps offering the occasional look behind or beyond the scenes that make their way into the show.
But it's an entertaining and insightful look into life on Diddly Squat, perhaps offering the occasional look behind or beyond the scenes that make their way into the show.
August 2, 2025
4e livre sur Diddly Squat. Intéressant, léger, toujours avec humour. Il y a eu des chapitres très intéressants sur le matériel agricole, les contraintes écologiques et financieres. Tb aussi la comparaison entre l'agriculture au UK et en Belgique, France, Allemagne.
December 27, 2024
Easy, entertaining reading. Always nice to get a couple of sneak previews for next season too.
January 6, 2025
The book was exactely like I expected it to be, it was enjoyable but nothing special.
March 26, 2025
It's ok more like quite a lot samples of his work from the paper
June 9, 2025
Who knew that a collection of bigoted Sunday Times columns could be entertaining?
July 14, 2025
Fun to read Jeremy’s view on the world. Truly an extraordinary person with a really creative mind. As me and my girlfriend are currently watching the last season of Clarkson’s Farm, I cant help but hear his voice narrating the words im reading. Very easy to read book!
September 14, 2025
More politics and less farming in every book in this series.
December 14, 2025
Really enjoyable, bite sized columns about Clarkson’s experience with farming.
January 23, 2025
Funny but not as good as others
January 23, 2025
Not as funny as the preceding books but still an eye opener on the bureaucracy faced by farmers.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 150 reviews