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Man of Steel and Velvet
Man of Steel and Velvet describes in a simple and forthright way what it takes to be a man and how to be a man. At a time when multiple question are being asked, and fewer clear-cut answer are given, the reader will find it refreshingly inspiring to see a sensible,understandable and workable guide for masculine fulfillment. The quote that resonated with me after reading "A failure in the home is a man's greatest failure. He may have made notable contributions to science, industry, government or sports, but how can he atone for a failure in the home?"
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First published January 1, 1972
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
August 16, 2008
My mother read this when I was about nine, loved it and made me read it. I looked at it and thought, "can't this wait at least until I've reached puberty?" I recommend putting this in the outhouse to use when the ol' Sears and Roebuck's is wiped out.
August 6, 2023
King Arthur
This book got my appreciation for accuracy when I checked out one of it's surprising assertions.
"Another example of steel and velvet is the character of Lancelot in the legend of King Arthur. It is important, though, to first make clear that the movie version of the story is not correct. Lancelot and Gwenivere did not have an illicit affair." (Page 26) "There is reason to believe the adultery of Lancelot and Guinevere was invented wholecloth by Chrétien" "in the 1170's." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lancelot... Nowadays, this affair is generally regarded as fact. But then, what we know of King Arthur is about 530 AD in Wales, about 250 years before the period of historical accuracy in Britain. "During the Middle Ages, Arthur was made a member of the Nine Worthies, a group of heroes encapsulating all the ideal qualities of chivalry. His life was thus proposed as a valuable subject for study by those aspiring to chivalric status. This aspect of Arthur in the Nine Worthies was popularized firstly through literature and was thereafter adopted as a frequent subject by painters and sculptors. Arthur has also been used as a model for modern-day behavior. In the 1930s, the Order of the Fellowship of the Knights of the Round Table was formed in Britain to promote Christian ideals and Arthurian notions of medieval chivalry. In the United States, hundreds of thousands of boys and girls joined Arthurian youth groups, such as the Knights of King Arthur, in which Arthur and his legends were promoted as wholesome exemplars." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Arthur Lancelot is again mentioned later in the book as an example of purity. "My strength comes from my purity." (Legend of King Arthur)
The book is divided into two parts, with the steel part being the larger. The velvet part has just as much meat in it.
Man's Basic Role (Chapter II)
"A man's most important responsibility in life is to be the guide, protector and provider for his wife and children. This is not merely a result of custom or tradition, but is of divine origin." (Page 31) See also http://www.lds.org/topics/family-proc...
"No success in life can compensate for this failure in the home. ... The home is the most basic unit of society." (Page 32)
"In the ideal home the man's and woman's duties are distinctly divided. There is little overlap except in emergencies. Not only does this follow divine command, but also logic and reason. Every group of beings must be organized to avoid chaos. This consists of delegating duties to each member, making each accountable for his assignments. A family is a small organization and thus must also follow this pattern." (Page 34)
"The ideal leader assumes the position as head of the family as a sacred responsibility. He takes pride in this masculine role, does not set it aside or turn it over to others. He has a keen feeling of responsibility for hips place as a leader, realizing that it is one of his most important functions in life. He serves patiently, with dedication and devotion." (Page 48)
"Compromising is never considered good practice in leadership." (Page 52) I like to write down things that struck me, and this one did because so many people advocate compromise. Andelin advocates leadership of steel and velvet. He knows enough that I am sure he used the word "never" deliberately. In checking his background, I found that his wife has a Wikipedia entry, but not him! His wife is founder of the Fascinating Womanhood Movement. That connection certainly got my interest & I want to check it out further. This book is dedicated to his wife, Helen.
To get a view of the breadth of coverage in this book, here is the Table of CONTENTS
1 The Ideal Man
Part 1 - THE STEEL
2 Man's Basic Role
3 Man, the Guide
4 How to Lead Women and Children
5 Man the Protector
6 Man the Provider
7 Family Finances
8 Man, the Builder of Society
9 Masculinity
10 Character
11 Self-Confidence
12 Health
Part 2 - THE VELVET
13 Understanding Women
14 Gentleness, Tenderness and Affection
15 Attentiveness
16 Youthfulness
17 Humility
18 Refinement
"Alcohol is numbing the minds of our nation's population so that it is impossible for them to be directed by conscience, or to think clearly through problems or discern correct principles. This has led to a weakening of standards. The most serious weakness is 'immorality' (sex without marriage), which stands as the number one threat to destroy us. The greatest problem in our country is not poverty nor international strive, but immorality. We have only to look at the downfall of great nations to see the spiral downward when immoralty is rampant." (Page 132)
"Perhaps the most frightening problem in society is the loss of faith in government. Our country is not as it was when founded by brave and valiant men. Freedom is fast disappearing and being replaced by socialism. People are being brought into bondage through oppressive taxation and dependence on government." (Page 132)
"We are becoming a 'godless' society with religious principles being questioned and reverence for God being removed from our public schools and universities. whereas our country was formerly a God-fearing nation, based upon the statement 'In God We trust,' it is fast rejecting religion as a vital part of both government and country." (Page 132)
"besides these spiritual and moral issues, our physical environment is deteriorating. Although we have an abundant food supply, it is grown on deficient soil that has been robbed of vital elements and contaminated by pesticides and chemical fertilizers. ... In addition, we have polluted our water systems and air. All of these things stand as a threat to the physical well-being of our population." (Page 132)
"The secret of Gandhi's greatness was his goodness, his deep conviction of God, and his desire to serve humanity. (Page 138)
"The greatest source of solutions is often the last to be tried. God, who is the fountainhead of truth and consequently knowledge has said, 'Seek and ye shall find. Knock and it shall be opened unto you. Ask and ye shall receive.' This is a definite and straightforward promise to all who will study God's word and ask in faith. If one's purpose is single to the end of doing good, the plea to God for insight will not be denied. Knowledge from God may come as something completely new to you, direct inspiration, or it may be a recollection of information already known." (Page 140)
SELF-MASTERY
"He who rules within himself and rules his passions, desires and fears is more than a king." - Milton (Page 171)
Self-mastery is the means whereby we apply knowledge of basic principles, overcome weakness, conquer appetites and passions, and devote ourselves to duty and reach our objectives. (Page 171-172)
And in the health chapter something that caught my attention was "Some serious students of the subject advise that one should not eat after 4:00 p.m." (Page 224) It's been a long time since I've heard that advice. Perhaps it is simply because our health practices are so bad that this is a more subtle effect and the health advocates are concentrating on the grosser problems. On that same page, he advocates a couple of exercise programs. One of them I am familiar with because I went to a physician with diabetic symptoms. Instead of giving me a glucose tolerance test, he recommended the "Royal Canadian Air Force Exercise Book", which is also known as 5BX, and can be found online. I used it to good effect. Although I don't use that program now, I continue to exercise and enjoy the benefits.
And now to the VELVET part
"To show (Christian) love a man must be willing to stand by his wife in all circumstances, to be genuinely concerned about her, both in joy and sorrow." (Page 233) Later on in the book he elaborates on the importance of supporting her in her sorrow. "In every case of proving love there is an element of sacrifice. There must be some extra effort given, something one goes without, some trouble in attaining the object of proven love. It also requires being sensitive to her needs, her desires, deep feelings and even whims." (Page 238)
"There is a great principle of truth in human relations to follow ... Whenever you detect that someone is offended with you, whether you are guilty or not, it is your responsibility to go to that person and try to be reconciled. ... Following this basic principle, when the woman has been offended by her husband, or even thinks she has, it becomes his responsibility to go to her and become reconciled." (Page 254-255)
"This physiological aging or deterioration can be slowed down remarkably through diet, exercise, positive thinking, and constructive work." (Page 282) He then goes on to give examples of octogenarians and beyond who are very much alive.
"One who is youthful has a mind open to new ideas. A.P. Giannini founder of the Bank of America, possessed this quality. (Page 284) The wikipedia account gives more information about this fascinating activity. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amadeo_G... and then the article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bank_of_... which is titled "Bank of America" clarifies how Giannini came be called the BoA "founder."
Initially, I rated this 4 stars because it just didn't seem to be the enduring kind of book, but as I wrote my notes on it, I realized that to me this is a 5 star book because of the depth of the material, the amount of checking of references it caused me to do, and mostly because it is a book that I want to read again. Therefore it is now one of my 5 star books.
The penultimate page summarizes his holistic approach "It is a most interesting study to consider the very close tie between the things material and spiritual. ... gross distortion results when the proper balance is not maintained." (Page 312)
This book got my appreciation for accuracy when I checked out one of it's surprising assertions.
"Another example of steel and velvet is the character of Lancelot in the legend of King Arthur. It is important, though, to first make clear that the movie version of the story is not correct. Lancelot and Gwenivere did not have an illicit affair." (Page 26) "There is reason to believe the adultery of Lancelot and Guinevere was invented wholecloth by Chrétien" "in the 1170's." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lancelot... Nowadays, this affair is generally regarded as fact. But then, what we know of King Arthur is about 530 AD in Wales, about 250 years before the period of historical accuracy in Britain. "During the Middle Ages, Arthur was made a member of the Nine Worthies, a group of heroes encapsulating all the ideal qualities of chivalry. His life was thus proposed as a valuable subject for study by those aspiring to chivalric status. This aspect of Arthur in the Nine Worthies was popularized firstly through literature and was thereafter adopted as a frequent subject by painters and sculptors. Arthur has also been used as a model for modern-day behavior. In the 1930s, the Order of the Fellowship of the Knights of the Round Table was formed in Britain to promote Christian ideals and Arthurian notions of medieval chivalry. In the United States, hundreds of thousands of boys and girls joined Arthurian youth groups, such as the Knights of King Arthur, in which Arthur and his legends were promoted as wholesome exemplars." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Arthur Lancelot is again mentioned later in the book as an example of purity. "My strength comes from my purity." (Legend of King Arthur)
The book is divided into two parts, with the steel part being the larger. The velvet part has just as much meat in it.
Man's Basic Role (Chapter II)
"A man's most important responsibility in life is to be the guide, protector and provider for his wife and children. This is not merely a result of custom or tradition, but is of divine origin." (Page 31) See also http://www.lds.org/topics/family-proc...
"No success in life can compensate for this failure in the home. ... The home is the most basic unit of society." (Page 32)
"In the ideal home the man's and woman's duties are distinctly divided. There is little overlap except in emergencies. Not only does this follow divine command, but also logic and reason. Every group of beings must be organized to avoid chaos. This consists of delegating duties to each member, making each accountable for his assignments. A family is a small organization and thus must also follow this pattern." (Page 34)
"The ideal leader assumes the position as head of the family as a sacred responsibility. He takes pride in this masculine role, does not set it aside or turn it over to others. He has a keen feeling of responsibility for hips place as a leader, realizing that it is one of his most important functions in life. He serves patiently, with dedication and devotion." (Page 48)
"Compromising is never considered good practice in leadership." (Page 52) I like to write down things that struck me, and this one did because so many people advocate compromise. Andelin advocates leadership of steel and velvet. He knows enough that I am sure he used the word "never" deliberately. In checking his background, I found that his wife has a Wikipedia entry, but not him! His wife is founder of the Fascinating Womanhood Movement. That connection certainly got my interest & I want to check it out further. This book is dedicated to his wife, Helen.
To get a view of the breadth of coverage in this book, here is the Table of CONTENTS
1 The Ideal Man
Part 1 - THE STEEL
2 Man's Basic Role
3 Man, the Guide
4 How to Lead Women and Children
5 Man the Protector
6 Man the Provider
7 Family Finances
8 Man, the Builder of Society
9 Masculinity
10 Character
11 Self-Confidence
12 Health
Part 2 - THE VELVET
13 Understanding Women
14 Gentleness, Tenderness and Affection
15 Attentiveness
16 Youthfulness
17 Humility
18 Refinement
"Alcohol is numbing the minds of our nation's population so that it is impossible for them to be directed by conscience, or to think clearly through problems or discern correct principles. This has led to a weakening of standards. The most serious weakness is 'immorality' (sex without marriage), which stands as the number one threat to destroy us. The greatest problem in our country is not poverty nor international strive, but immorality. We have only to look at the downfall of great nations to see the spiral downward when immoralty is rampant." (Page 132)
"Perhaps the most frightening problem in society is the loss of faith in government. Our country is not as it was when founded by brave and valiant men. Freedom is fast disappearing and being replaced by socialism. People are being brought into bondage through oppressive taxation and dependence on government." (Page 132)
"We are becoming a 'godless' society with religious principles being questioned and reverence for God being removed from our public schools and universities. whereas our country was formerly a God-fearing nation, based upon the statement 'In God We trust,' it is fast rejecting religion as a vital part of both government and country." (Page 132)
"besides these spiritual and moral issues, our physical environment is deteriorating. Although we have an abundant food supply, it is grown on deficient soil that has been robbed of vital elements and contaminated by pesticides and chemical fertilizers. ... In addition, we have polluted our water systems and air. All of these things stand as a threat to the physical well-being of our population." (Page 132)
"The secret of Gandhi's greatness was his goodness, his deep conviction of God, and his desire to serve humanity. (Page 138)
"The greatest source of solutions is often the last to be tried. God, who is the fountainhead of truth and consequently knowledge has said, 'Seek and ye shall find. Knock and it shall be opened unto you. Ask and ye shall receive.' This is a definite and straightforward promise to all who will study God's word and ask in faith. If one's purpose is single to the end of doing good, the plea to God for insight will not be denied. Knowledge from God may come as something completely new to you, direct inspiration, or it may be a recollection of information already known." (Page 140)
SELF-MASTERY
"He who rules within himself and rules his passions, desires and fears is more than a king." - Milton (Page 171)
Self-mastery is the means whereby we apply knowledge of basic principles, overcome weakness, conquer appetites and passions, and devote ourselves to duty and reach our objectives. (Page 171-172)
And in the health chapter something that caught my attention was "Some serious students of the subject advise that one should not eat after 4:00 p.m." (Page 224) It's been a long time since I've heard that advice. Perhaps it is simply because our health practices are so bad that this is a more subtle effect and the health advocates are concentrating on the grosser problems. On that same page, he advocates a couple of exercise programs. One of them I am familiar with because I went to a physician with diabetic symptoms. Instead of giving me a glucose tolerance test, he recommended the "Royal Canadian Air Force Exercise Book", which is also known as 5BX, and can be found online. I used it to good effect. Although I don't use that program now, I continue to exercise and enjoy the benefits.
And now to the VELVET part
"To show (Christian) love a man must be willing to stand by his wife in all circumstances, to be genuinely concerned about her, both in joy and sorrow." (Page 233) Later on in the book he elaborates on the importance of supporting her in her sorrow. "In every case of proving love there is an element of sacrifice. There must be some extra effort given, something one goes without, some trouble in attaining the object of proven love. It also requires being sensitive to her needs, her desires, deep feelings and even whims." (Page 238)
"There is a great principle of truth in human relations to follow ... Whenever you detect that someone is offended with you, whether you are guilty or not, it is your responsibility to go to that person and try to be reconciled. ... Following this basic principle, when the woman has been offended by her husband, or even thinks she has, it becomes his responsibility to go to her and become reconciled." (Page 254-255)
"This physiological aging or deterioration can be slowed down remarkably through diet, exercise, positive thinking, and constructive work." (Page 282) He then goes on to give examples of octogenarians and beyond who are very much alive.
"One who is youthful has a mind open to new ideas. A.P. Giannini founder of the Bank of America, possessed this quality. (Page 284) The wikipedia account gives more information about this fascinating activity. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amadeo_G... and then the article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bank_of_... which is titled "Bank of America" clarifies how Giannini came be called the BoA "founder."
Initially, I rated this 4 stars because it just didn't seem to be the enduring kind of book, but as I wrote my notes on it, I realized that to me this is a 5 star book because of the depth of the material, the amount of checking of references it caused me to do, and mostly because it is a book that I want to read again. Therefore it is now one of my 5 star books.
The penultimate page summarizes his holistic approach "It is a most interesting study to consider the very close tie between the things material and spiritual. ... gross distortion results when the proper balance is not maintained." (Page 312)
May 27, 2013
"With wisdom, insight, and humor...." the back cover of this edition claims. WHAT humor?!?! A bunch of holier-than-thou, self-righteous, sexist (the mere thought of a woman actually working for a living and having a career makes the author break out in hives), blowhard diatribes which also include advocacy of teetotaling and vegeterianism--yeah, how manly!! A more appropriate title would be "Man of Dullness and Uptightness."
P.S. I wonder how the author thinks we would've won WWII if it weren't for the contributions of working women on the assembly lines, i.e. "Rosie the Riveter?" Then again, Aubrey Andelin would've probably gotten along great with Hitler, a fellow vegetarian teetotaler.
P.S. I wonder how the author thinks we would've won WWII if it weren't for the contributions of working women on the assembly lines, i.e. "Rosie the Riveter?" Then again, Aubrey Andelin would've probably gotten along great with Hitler, a fellow vegetarian teetotaler.
May 29, 2020
Meh. He's very respectful, but people don't always follow the norms he lays down. And I just flat out disagree with him on finances. Husbands need to be in communication with their wives. Wives are to be a help to their husbands, not an extra responsibility that they must constantly coddle.
May 13, 2025
Antiquated misogynist advice on how to be a man from the last decade. Don't waste your time.
June 1, 2019
Excellent book and a must read for men and women...
November 11, 2024
Must read for Godly men
November 17, 2025
A great book for men to know how to be a man. I found all but the Nutrition section to be very informative and accurate.
November 17, 2025
very good
January 8, 2025
review in Notion
March 13, 2014
It's hard for me to decide exactly how to rate this. It conveys some fundamental truths that men need to understand in order to be men. On the other hand it has some clear biases that are often outdated. The core truth, that masculinity includes both hard or unbending characteristics (steel) as well as softer, more nurturing characteristics (velvet), is seldom recognized as well as the fact that while the steel characteristics are generally recognized they are also frequently misunderstood.
From my own experience I have noticed that even as I struggled to come to a firm conclusion on the book overall I saw the benefits of actions that Andelin advocated. I noticed that the outcomes of changes I had already implemented before discovering the book bore the very fruits that he claimed they would - whether those were the fruits I anticipated or not (there were some of each) - so clearly there is some truth to his perspective.
From my own experience I have noticed that even as I struggled to come to a firm conclusion on the book overall I saw the benefits of actions that Andelin advocated. I noticed that the outcomes of changes I had already implemented before discovering the book bore the very fruits that he claimed they would - whether those were the fruits I anticipated or not (there were some of each) - so clearly there is some truth to his perspective.
February 19, 2013
Read it. Liked it. Learned from it even though I was not the intended audience. Dr Andelin dishes it to the men with the same one-two punch that his wife Helen does to the women in her book.
Cracks me up! If I refer back to it a couple of times I'll bump it to a five star.
Sweet hubby is reading it now. I'm sure lively discussions are sure to follow.
Cracks me up! If I refer back to it a couple of times I'll bump it to a five star.
Sweet hubby is reading it now. I'm sure lively discussions are sure to follow.
June 5, 2011
First, I thought this was written by Hank Rearden. Then I thought that this book was written by a baptist. Contains good definitions for words relating to the mental preparation and sustaining of work. Shows forth confusing to bad commentary on the role of women in industry in lieu of proverbs 31.
March 13, 2010
Ephraim finished reading this book, and he said it has changed his life.
He never knew how to deal with women and children before and this book taught him how.
He never knew how to deal with women and children before and this book taught him how.
March 3, 2021
So far, so good.
November 18, 2011
In the end, not as funny as it seems.
December 29, 2016
Our crumbling generation desperately needs more books like this.
March 19, 2018
Poses some interesting points and responsibilities.
Read
August 15, 2017eye opening.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews