“𝙬𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜,” “𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙖𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙞𝙩.”
💔💔i saw one sad quote about this and i was SOLD, and oh did it deliver. i was in floods of tears. i really loved this, the way i related to so many aspects in this has me not okay!!! this was REALISTIC, it was not a fantasy, it was about navigating a toxic relationship and more importantly your own mental health and self worth and how others can affect that and how it plays a part in your relationships& friendships. this was one instance where i was so glad there wasn’t a hea for the characters. i could write a long long essay on this book& these characters.
"𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚 𝙪𝙥. 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙚𝙩, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚. 𝙬𝙝𝙮? 𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙣 𝙙𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙚?” 𝙞𝙣 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝, 𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙤𝙪𝙡. "𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙢𝙚.”
this one hit a little too close to home for me!!! blu’s character development and raw journey with herself from start to finish made me so emotional. i love books like this because i love the painstaking journey. jace fucking boland. lord help me. as someone who has experienced a relationship dynamic similar to this in aspects, this was so real for me. i knew this was not a relationship to route for at the start but i did anyway, and as i progressed through the book i grew more angry along with blu. it’s such a complex relationship to look at, you can see in his pov all the struggles he deals with too& you sympathise with him, but what i was reading in his povs ab her?! i’m sorry NO. this man was never sure if he even liked her, which alone is enough. felt intrigued by her, had many of his own issues to work through, liked having her around because she was a constant and ‘made him feel good about himself’ and loved how she loved him, never having any intention of loving her back. he liked the idea but never followed through, he was never what she needed and she was begging for something from someone who planned to give nothing. SHE WAS HIS EGO BOOST AND THAT IS ALL!!!! his severe trauma from always being looked down on loved her attention and he perused her because she was there and he was ‘horny.’- something he also said himself. he told on himself the entire time!!! there was no way of redeeming his character in this for me, i can absolutely sympathise and feel for him though. he had good intentions but couldn’t deliver them, i know it too well.
“𝙞 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙞'𝙢 𝙬𝙖𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙚, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙣𝙤 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨."
what was so hard was despite it all really loving them both together and the idea of them being able to work. because he saw her and she saw him!!! you can be so blinded by wanting to take any form of love or attention somebody will give you and you can so easily convince yourself your fighting for something worth it because they’ve given you a sliver of what you so desperately want. it’s something you chase to feel even if it’s a fraction of what you deserve. i felt my heart break in their small vulnerable moments where you think oh they really get each other. but this shows you can not change someone!! if they are not willing to be what you need they never will be. never ignore how they really make you feel about yourself, that tells you everything you need. in the end blu deserved so much more than he was willing to offer her. and deserved to chose herself, love herself and find her worth, and that was the best ending to read wholeheartedly. i rooted for her the entire way through. my heart hurts now.
(this review was originally 4000 characters& i had to cut half out… that is how passionately i feel ab this book.)
“𝙗𝙮 𝙗𝙚𝙜𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙖 𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙𝙣'𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙚𝙙, 𝙞 𝙙𝙚𝙫𝙖𝙡𝙪𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙮 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙝, 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛-𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩.”
“𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙖 𝙗𝙤𝙮 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚.”
“𝙞 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚, 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚.”
“𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙢𝙮 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝. 𝙖𝙣 𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙖𝙡. 𝙖 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙥𝙞𝙚𝙘𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛, 𝙖 𝙢𝙞𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙜𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙨.”
“𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙚𝙮𝙚𝙨 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙚, 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙢 𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙚, 𝙞’𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬.”
“𝙞 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙𝙣'𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙧. 𝙞 𝙙𝙞𝙙𝙣'𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛.”
“𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙜𝙪𝙮𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩, 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪." “𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙𝙣'𝙩 𝙞𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪?”
𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙝 𝙞𝙩, 𝙗𝙡𝙪 𝙝𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣. 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚, 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙚.
"𝙖𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙗𝙚𝙜𝙞𝙣, 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙥 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜."
“𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙧. 𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙠. 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙩. 𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙧. 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙧. 𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙪𝙚. 𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙪𝙚.”
“𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙞𝙣 𝙥𝙞𝙚𝙘𝙚𝙨.”
“𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙮 𝙙𝙖𝙮. 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙪𝙧𝙩. 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙞 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙙𝙨, 𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙥𝙞𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣, 𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙣, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙠𝙮. 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩'𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙨. 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙪𝙣. 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣.”
"𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙛𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙝𝙞𝙢, 𝙗𝙡𝙪. 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙛𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙢𝙚, 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚. 𝙞’𝙢 𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙡𝙮 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪." selfish indeed
“𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙠𝙚𝙥𝙩 𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙖𝙙 𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙚 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙠 𝙤𝙛 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨𝙣'𝙩 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙤 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙧.” MY GOD. i have been her here.
“𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙙𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙙.”😭
"𝙞’𝙢 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨𝙣'𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤."
“𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙚. 𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙢𝙮 𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙜𝙮. 𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙙𝙤 𝙞𝙩 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙞𝙛 𝙞 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙝𝙞𝙢. 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙤𝙙𝙖𝙮 𝙞 𝙙𝙞𝙙𝙣'𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙝𝙞𝙢. 𝙩𝙤𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙬 𝙞 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙𝙣'𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙝𝙞𝙢. 𝙤𝙣𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙙, 𝙞’𝙙 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣.”
"𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩’𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙤𝙙𝙖𝙮?"
“𝙖 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙚𝙙.” “𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩?” “𝙖 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙚𝙙.”
“𝙩𝙤𝙙𝙖𝙮, 𝙞 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙢𝙚. 𝙩𝙤𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙬, 𝙞’𝙙 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙢𝙚. 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧.”
"𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙤𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙢𝙚, 𝙞’𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙤𝙠𝙖𝙮, 𝙞’𝙡𝙡 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙚."
𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙢. 𝙞 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙫𝙞𝙘𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙡𝙮, 𝙢𝙮 𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙧𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙙 𝙧𝙖𝙬 𝙗𝙮 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚. 𝙞 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙'𝙫𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙢; 𝙝𝙚 𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩. 𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙖𝙙𝙫𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩. 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙞𝙛 𝙞 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙧𝙪𝙣 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙤𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙚𝙜𝙤.
“𝙞 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩.” “𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙙," 𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙. "𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙚, 𝙗𝙡𝙪." PRETEND. oh my god.