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Vampires Don't Play Hockey
Vampires aren’t real. And even if they were, they definitely wouldn’t play beer league hockey.
That’s what Johnny Harker tells himself, anyway. All the weird things he notices about his teammate Dima - his weird sleep schedule, his perpetually cold skin, his apparent lack of a reflection - don’t mean Dima’s an undead creature of the night.
Dima’s just his hot, slightly weird teammate. Right?
That’s what Johnny Harker tells himself, anyway. All the weird things he notices about his teammate Dima - his weird sleep schedule, his perpetually cold skin, his apparent lack of a reflection - don’t mean Dima’s an undead creature of the night.
Dima’s just his hot, slightly weird teammate. Right?
146 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 7, 2024
54 people are currently reading
270 people want to read
About the author
A.L. Heard
18 books180 followersAshley, pen name A.L. Heard, fandom name jhoom, is a 34 year old teacher, writer, and mother of two little boys. She’s been writing fanworks since she discovered ff.net back in her middle school days; the platform has changed and the writing’s improved, but Ashley ultimately still spends her free time writing about characters she adores in worlds she’d like to explore. Her first novel, Hockey Bois, was published in 2021. In between writing projects, she works as a language teacher in the Pittsburgh area, plays hockey, and plays trains with her sons.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 70 reviews
March 20, 2025
I had loved The Trade Deadline, but this novella felt weaker.
It wasn't bad, at all. I would have loved a bit more substance, though.
Everything was surface level, and could have been developed more. Plus, not enough grovelling (looking at you, Dima).
It wasn't bad, at all. I would have loved a bit more substance, though.
Everything was surface level, and could have been developed more. Plus, not enough grovelling (looking at you, Dima).
January 20, 2025
In the authors newsletter she says that this story was born out of just wanting to write something silly for a fun writing exercise, and honestly that kind of shows? But if you go into a vampire romance novella set in an ice hockey beer league wanting something serious? I fear you may need to adjust your expectations.
Johnny Harker (lol) and Dima have an instant connection which grows into an increasingly serious relationship over the course of the book and it’s sweet and nice. Everything is very G-rated and fade to black, which I admit for me took some of the wind out of the intensity of the chemistry the book was trying to convey between them. Also after more or less ghosting Johnny for a few weeks because of misplaced guilt I would have liked to see a bit more grovelling on Dimas behalf, I felt Johnny rolled over on that one a bit too easily (but that’s a me preference). Regardless it was still a fun silly time.
I had to have a little bit of a laugh at all of the incidental nods to various famous monsters popping up in the names of the members of the team (The team caption being Van made me chuckle).
A few typos and editorial issues slipped through which is unfortunate, but nothing too drastic and if you’re just looking for a light and easy read this would likely fit the bill.
Johnny Harker (lol) and Dima have an instant connection which grows into an increasingly serious relationship over the course of the book and it’s sweet and nice. Everything is very G-rated and fade to black, which I admit for me took some of the wind out of the intensity of the chemistry the book was trying to convey between them. Also after more or less ghosting Johnny for a few weeks because of misplaced guilt I would have liked to see a bit more grovelling on Dimas behalf, I felt Johnny rolled over on that one a bit too easily (but that’s a me preference). Regardless it was still a fun silly time.
I had to have a little bit of a laugh at all of the incidental nods to various famous monsters popping up in the names of the members of the team (The team caption being Van made me chuckle).
A few typos and editorial issues slipped through which is unfortunate, but nothing too drastic and if you’re just looking for a light and easy read this would likely fit the bill.
January 20, 2025
Sigh 😔
I really didn’t like this book, which is surprising because it has vampires, hockey, and boys who like boys, basically everything I usually love. But the story just felt too weird and disjointed.
Dima and Johnny (yes, his name is Johnny Harker, as in the Jonathan Harker, thank you very much) play hockey together in a rec league and eventually start hooking up. For how long? Who knows, because there are a lot of time skips. Apparently, it’s for a long while, but then, for reasons, they go through the strangest separation where they don’t see each other for months.
Out of nowhere, Dima comes back and decides to ghost Johnny for reasons that are never fully explained. Everyone is miserable, of course. Eventually, they get back together, but honestly, my boy Johnny forgives him way too quickly.
Idk, it all felt so random, and I really struggled to get through it.
I really didn’t like this book, which is surprising because it has vampires, hockey, and boys who like boys, basically everything I usually love. But the story just felt too weird and disjointed.
Dima and Johnny (yes, his name is Johnny Harker, as in the Jonathan Harker, thank you very much) play hockey together in a rec league and eventually start hooking up. For how long? Who knows, because there are a lot of time skips. Apparently, it’s for a long while, but then, for reasons, they go through the strangest separation where they don’t see each other for months.
Out of nowhere, Dima comes back and decides to ghost Johnny for reasons that are never fully explained. Everyone is miserable, of course. Eventually, they get back together, but honestly, my boy Johnny forgives him way too quickly.
Idk, it all felt so random, and I really struggled to get through it.
November 12, 2024
Cute, but nothing special.
The fade to black scenes throughout this book were the biggest problem for me. I do NOT need explicit scenes, fade to black is fine, but 3 fade to black scenes in 7 pages is poorly done IMO. That’s just building up sexual tension over and over again just to not do anything with it (and at the expense of actual character or relationship development). The single blood drinking scene is also glossed over, which is a crime in a vampire romance. It felt like constantly being teased with invites into the bedroom and then being kicked out before anything good happened and it was unfulfilling to me.
The fade to black scenes throughout this book were the biggest problem for me. I do NOT need explicit scenes, fade to black is fine, but 3 fade to black scenes in 7 pages is poorly done IMO. That’s just building up sexual tension over and over again just to not do anything with it (and at the expense of actual character or relationship development). The single blood drinking scene is also glossed over, which is a crime in a vampire romance. It felt like constantly being teased with invites into the bedroom and then being kicked out before anything good happened and it was unfulfilling to me.
November 25, 2024
Dima was such a dickhead! But even worse was that Johnny just let him get away with absolutely everything 🤯 I ended up with zero respect for either character.
Literally everyone and their dog is aware that Dima is a vampire, but he doesn't even mention it to the guy he's dating. And when Johnny finds out that everyone else knew except him, he has barely any reaction at all.... I'd be so pissed that everyone knew so much more about Dima than I did if I was in Johnny's situation 😂😂 It felt like an entirely unbelievable reaction, especially for a character who was supposed to be intelligent.
Just a very weird and random story with weird and random characters.
Literally everyone and their dog is aware that Dima is a vampire, but he doesn't even mention it to the guy he's dating. And when Johnny finds out that everyone else knew except him, he has barely any reaction at all.... I'd be so pissed that everyone knew so much more about Dima than I did if I was in Johnny's situation 😂😂 It felt like an entirely unbelievable reaction, especially for a character who was supposed to be intelligent.
Just a very weird and random story with weird and random characters.
December 16, 2024
3.5 stars⭐️
April 30, 2025
It's been a while since I've read anything with vampires but I love hockey so this was a sure thing.
The vamp lore was super unique and there were a lot of bits of funny information and even some cameos (wolf shifters???).
The romance was coming along slowly, I didn't feel a great connection with either MC but maybe that's because it's only a novella length story?
Still have another read by this author on my tbr and now I'm excited to get around to finally reading it!
The vamp lore was super unique and there were a lot of bits of funny information and even some cameos (wolf shifters???).
The romance was coming along slowly, I didn't feel a great connection with either MC but maybe that's because it's only a novella length story?
Still have another read by this author on my tbr and now I'm excited to get around to finally reading it!
November 8, 2024
4*
"A hockey boyfriend he gets to have kinky vampire sex with whenever he wants? Absolute perfection." and that's the tea. A few minor editorial errors (but what vampire novel doesn't have that (looking at you Bram Stoker's Dracula)) but otherwise this was great fun!
"A hockey boyfriend he gets to have kinky vampire sex with whenever he wants? Absolute perfection." and that's the tea. A few minor editorial errors (but what vampire novel doesn't have that (looking at you Bram Stoker's Dracula)) but otherwise this was great fun!
December 8, 2025
3.5/5
Мило, but nothing to write home about, на один раз.
Мило, but nothing to write home about, на один раз.
November 14, 2024
i need more books from this world, please and thank you <3
November 14, 2024
I love all of A.L. Heard’s hockey books and this one was no different! As someone who has rarely read anything paranormal but has been wanting to branch out, this was perfect! Short, sweet, and the perfect change of pace!
I’ve been affectionately calling it gay vampire hockey romance and that truly just sums it up at its basics! Set around a beer league team, this is singular pov from a human joining a new team. Johnny’s played hockey most of his life, so when he moves he realizes he needs to find a local beer league team and in comes Bloody Awful. Dima catches his eye immediately but it’s not that easy between the two of them.
As they grow close, there’s a lot to manage and discover. About themselves. About each other. About life.
I highly recommend this book for anyone, whenever you’re new to vampire books or you have a few under your belt. It’s enjoyable and kept me captivated the whole time.
I voluntarily reviewed an ARC copy of this book.
I’ve been affectionately calling it gay vampire hockey romance and that truly just sums it up at its basics! Set around a beer league team, this is singular pov from a human joining a new team. Johnny’s played hockey most of his life, so when he moves he realizes he needs to find a local beer league team and in comes Bloody Awful. Dima catches his eye immediately but it’s not that easy between the two of them.
As they grow close, there’s a lot to manage and discover. About themselves. About each other. About life.
I highly recommend this book for anyone, whenever you’re new to vampire books or you have a few under your belt. It’s enjoyable and kept me captivated the whole time.
I voluntarily reviewed an ARC copy of this book.
October 29, 2025
3.5 🌟
Vampire x Human and hockey??!? Cute!
Vampire x Human and hockey??!? Cute!
December 9, 2024
This one was a miss for me. Like a lot of novellas, it felt rushed, with the chemistry between the characters skipped over in favor of simply telling the reader how hot they think each other is. There could also have been so many cool opportunities to work in details from the original story that were missed in the speedrun from start to finish. It made the relationship difficult to relate to and the tension difficult to believe.
November 11, 2024
Had me giggling and kicking my feet and got the good chest aches!!! Definitely was not perfect but I LOVED it
December 9, 2024
pretty good, exactly what i expected from this 150 page gay-vampire-hockey-players book lmao. it seems some people in the reviews are taking this way to seriously 😭
January 6, 2025
It was a cute little journey and I liked it.
February 6, 2025
So fun! I’m impressed at the amount of plot and detail in a relatively short book while Heard maintains her slice of life style. I’d be interested in more in this universe, too.
August 18, 2025
Rounding up to 4
This was quite funny
This was quite funny
November 18, 2024
This was very cute and fun! Would be a perfect light-hearted Halloween read. Or any time of year as vampires exist outside of October 31st, after all.
December 10, 2025
hockey yaoi høst fortsette inn i hockey yaoi vinter (also rip til alle leafs supporters i denne boka, its not going well for dem)
November 30, 2024
Low plot and conflict,
closed door, beer league, familiar,
but vampires. Worth it.
closed door, beer league, familiar,
but vampires. Worth it.
December 2, 2024
When Johhny Harker moves up to Canada, he joins the Bloody Awfuls bar league hockey team as a way to get exercise and have fun skating with friends at an arena only about an hour from Toronto. He had no idea that he would immediately start falling for the mysterious (and incredible hockey player) Dima. Who is pale. And drinks weird dark red drinks called Bloody Vlads when he's hungry.
Something is weird. But surely Dima isn't a vampire, right? Vampires don't play hockey, afterall.
This is bonkers and exceptional. I had such a good time reading this. Its a quick read and I genuinely require more novellas about the other potential monsters on the Bloody Awfuls. Namely Wolfy...
Something is weird. But surely Dima isn't a vampire, right? Vampires don't play hockey, afterall.
This is bonkers and exceptional. I had such a good time reading this. Its a quick read and I genuinely require more novellas about the other potential monsters on the Bloody Awfuls. Namely Wolfy...
February 14, 2025
The pacing of this has unfortunately made it unreadable for me. I get that it's a novella, but that doesn't excuse the complete lack of tension. If you want your characters to do the insta-love thing, they have to have chemistry and while the narrator repeatedly voices desire that seems, I guess, mutual if seemingly out of nowhere, it doesn't feel like chemistry at all, especially for how rapidly they end up in bed. Looking at a hot guy and wanting to sleep with him isn't enough. I assume the narrative tension is supposed to be about figuring out Dima is a vampire -- presumably since all the hallmarks of vampire are there, though I wouldn't be surprised if Heard tried to do some kind of teehee switcharoo or whatever -- which would, if the characters were better developed or developed at all, probably be plenty to keep me interested, but is not the case here.
Also, there were like three glaring copyediting mistakes already -- at 20% -- including the word 'draw' when it should be 'drawer' and to be quite honest I think we're all tolerating way too many errors in things people are getting paid to make and I don't want to!
Also, there were like three glaring copyediting mistakes already -- at 20% -- including the word 'draw' when it should be 'drawer' and to be quite honest I think we're all tolerating way too many errors in things people are getting paid to make and I don't want to!
November 9, 2024
A vampire hockey romance?? Why hasn’t this been done before !!
Absolutely adored this short but oh so sweet romance between an oblivious hockey player (human) and the super hot, slightly weird hockey player (vampire which explains all the weird quirks)!!! It was so sweet and domestic and funny😌
If this has been done before please give me the recs!!
Absolutely adored this short but oh so sweet romance between an oblivious hockey player (human) and the super hot, slightly weird hockey player (vampire which explains all the weird quirks)!!! It was so sweet and domestic and funny😌
If this has been done before please give me the recs!!
November 12, 2024
this was so silly and fun and adorable!!! I didn’t know I needed a paranormal sports romance, but now I’d like to read more!!
December 1, 2024
lighthearted and hilarious:)
December 18, 2024
3.5 stars but in a way where this was one of the silliest books I’ve read this year and I loved it. Like, with love, this book was exactly what I expected it to be and I had a great time but obviously it wasn’t the pinnacle of incredible literature. But cmon, it’s a novella about vampires playing hockey, what can you expect?
February 20, 2025
I'm dead.
"Johnny and Dima get their happy ending: playing hockey and growing old together." Not the perfect note to leave me in tears from this read!
Until that last bit of the story, this review was going to be all about how I apparently love Dimas. This is a 5 star read with a Dima who plays hockey and is a vampire. My favorite read of 2024 was By The Pint by Jemma Croft, which featured a vampire named Dima, and in 2021, I had a 5 star read with Double Shifting by Michaela Grey with a hockey player named Dima. So characters named Dima, especially if they are vampires and/or hockey players, are now on my watch list for a specific thing to look for in books. No idea how or why there's this overlap, but 3 beloved Dimas now from 3 different books and 3 different authors means there's something to that name. For me, at least.
Speaking of names, this book. Y'all. I was slow to catch on, but there are side characters on the Bloody Awful team, Freddy, Jason and Mikey, and Jason is the goalie. OMG, they're nods to the slasher big hitters! Is Xena THE warrior princess? How does Johnny not get by the end of this that Wolfy is probably a real werewolf? There are just so many nuggets of pure gold to this story. It's funny and different - Dima has a vial labeled "CURE" just chillin in his living room and Johnny never questioned that? It was hilarious!
But it also gets you deep in the feels. There is such beauty to the love in this story. To Dima's story. Dima's choice in the end? I loved it so much how he got there for himself without needing Johnny's input, but also benefitting them and their future. This is very low spice. It doesn't get explicit and it tells the story perfectly, but it's definitely geared to melt hearts only.
It does need some editing, though. Odd little bits that spellchecker would miss, but a reader like me definitely catches. Nothing bad enough to ruin the book, but there were some sentences that I needed to step, re-read or dissect before I got the actual meaning. Hopefully, it doesn't take anyone out because this was a delightful read for me that I wholeheartedly recommend.
"Johnny and Dima get their happy ending: playing hockey and growing old together." Not the perfect note to leave me in tears from this read!
Until that last bit of the story, this review was going to be all about how I apparently love Dimas. This is a 5 star read with a Dima who plays hockey and is a vampire. My favorite read of 2024 was By The Pint by Jemma Croft, which featured a vampire named Dima, and in 2021, I had a 5 star read with Double Shifting by Michaela Grey with a hockey player named Dima. So characters named Dima, especially if they are vampires and/or hockey players, are now on my watch list for a specific thing to look for in books. No idea how or why there's this overlap, but 3 beloved Dimas now from 3 different books and 3 different authors means there's something to that name. For me, at least.
Speaking of names, this book. Y'all. I was slow to catch on, but there are side characters on the Bloody Awful team, Freddy, Jason and Mikey, and Jason is the goalie. OMG, they're nods to the slasher big hitters! Is Xena THE warrior princess? How does Johnny not get by the end of this that Wolfy is probably a real werewolf? There are just so many nuggets of pure gold to this story. It's funny and different - Dima has a vial labeled "CURE" just chillin in his living room and Johnny never questioned that? It was hilarious!
But it also gets you deep in the feels. There is such beauty to the love in this story. To Dima's story. Dima's choice in the end? I loved it so much how he got there for himself without needing Johnny's input, but also benefitting them and their future. This is very low spice. It doesn't get explicit and it tells the story perfectly, but it's definitely geared to melt hearts only.
It does need some editing, though. Odd little bits that spellchecker would miss, but a reader like me definitely catches. Nothing bad enough to ruin the book, but there were some sentences that I needed to step, re-read or dissect before I got the actual meaning. Hopefully, it doesn't take anyone out because this was a delightful read for me that I wholeheartedly recommend.
November 8, 2024
Let me tell you...the speed at which I saw this book, downloaded and then read it was a lot even for me and the slightly terrifying amount of books I have read this year. I was a big fan of Heard's previous books, "Hockey Bois" and "The Trade Deadline". When I saw this one...cute cover, ridiculous title and an author I like? No brainer. This world is on fire right now, leave me and my gay vampire hockey romance alone.
The only con of this novella in my opinion was that there is a distracting number of editing errors. Minor stuff like typos, repeated or missing words/phrases. Most jarring was a moment after it was established that Dima had no reflection but he and Johnny made eye contact in a rearview mirror. It was stuff that made my former English teacher brain want to go at it with a red pen so the author could get out a better draft and get a better grade. (Heard, I am willing to help copy edit your next hockey story in exchange for a free copy. :D)
Overall though, this was a cute story, funny, a little silly and very sweet. I'm not normally into paranormal romance books so I appreciated that those elements were a pretty light presence, though it was peppered throughout the story. Big fan of the way it was hinted that there was a whole world of strangeness going on that Johnny was just oblivious to. I also thought the spice was the right level to fit the tone and length of the story.
The only con of this novella in my opinion was that there is a distracting number of editing errors. Minor stuff like typos, repeated or missing words/phrases. Most jarring was a moment after it was established that Dima had no reflection but he and Johnny made eye contact in a rearview mirror. It was stuff that made my former English teacher brain want to go at it with a red pen so the author could get out a better draft and get a better grade. (Heard, I am willing to help copy edit your next hockey story in exchange for a free copy. :D)
Overall though, this was a cute story, funny, a little silly and very sweet. I'm not normally into paranormal romance books so I appreciated that those elements were a pretty light presence, though it was peppered throughout the story. Big fan of the way it was hinted that there was a whole world of strangeness going on that Johnny was just oblivious to. I also thought the spice was the right level to fit the tone and length of the story.
January 26, 2025
Who doesn’t love a story with a bunch of supernatural beings and a token human? Undefeatable trope.
This was a fun read.
We’ve essentially got a human—Johnny Harker (ha-ha)—joining a “beer league” hockey team out in rural Canada. All of his teammates are “quirky”, to say the least. But, none so much as darkly handsome and capable Dima—owner of the ice rink, the league’s star player, and very obviously a vampire. At least, it’s obvious to everyone except Johnny—whose rose-colored glasses seem to make him impervious to all of Dima’s glaringly vampiric qualities.
Though, who is expecting a vampire to play hockey?
I guess Johnny can be slightly forgiven.
Anyway.
I liked this little story a lot—especially for what it is.
There’s not a lot of plot or world-building per se. But, readers do get enough of a sense of the world for the story that unfolds. Though many of the other supernatural beings in this story are implied or hinted at rather than explicitly revealed, I found that approach to add to the charm of the story.
Iykyk—right?
It kept the story moving and the focus on the developing relationship between Johnny and Dima.
If you enjoy a cozy fantasy romance and/or a queer romance with a supernatural lean, I think you’d enjoy this little story. It’s sweet, tender, and funny throughout. A great choice if you want a fast-paced read in this genre~
This was a fun read.
We’ve essentially got a human—Johnny Harker (ha-ha)—joining a “beer league” hockey team out in rural Canada. All of his teammates are “quirky”, to say the least. But, none so much as darkly handsome and capable Dima—owner of the ice rink, the league’s star player, and very obviously a vampire. At least, it’s obvious to everyone except Johnny—whose rose-colored glasses seem to make him impervious to all of Dima’s glaringly vampiric qualities.
Though, who is expecting a vampire to play hockey?
I guess Johnny can be slightly forgiven.
Anyway.
I liked this little story a lot—especially for what it is.
There’s not a lot of plot or world-building per se. But, readers do get enough of a sense of the world for the story that unfolds. Though many of the other supernatural beings in this story are implied or hinted at rather than explicitly revealed, I found that approach to add to the charm of the story.
Iykyk—right?
It kept the story moving and the focus on the developing relationship between Johnny and Dima.
If you enjoy a cozy fantasy romance and/or a queer romance with a supernatural lean, I think you’d enjoy this little story. It’s sweet, tender, and funny throughout. A great choice if you want a fast-paced read in this genre~
Displaying 1 - 30 of 70 reviews