Love Does Not Conquer All: And Other Surprising Lessons I Learned as a Foster Dad to More Than 40 Kids

by Peter Mutabazi

"A roadmap for healing and connection that every parent and child could benefit from."--Tori Hope Petersen, bestselling author and speaker

· from a former street kid turned adoptive dad and foster dad
· how to parent with grace and consistency
· special information about dealing with challenging behaviors, broken trust, and trauma

Whether a child has been in a loving and supportive home from day one or has been bounced from one house to another in the foster care system, parenting them is messy. A former street kid, Peter Mutabazi knows what it feels like to grow up in a world where love, caring, and kindness are nowhere to be found. But as the adoptive father of three and a foster dad to more than forty children, he also knows what a difference it makes when a child experiences the positive influence of an attentive and loving parent.

In this honest and hopeful book, Peter shares surprising lessons he has learned during his unique parenting adventure, including how to

· parent children for who they are rather than for who you want them to be
· look beyond problem behaviors to find their root causes
· love children who do not want your love
· understand your own scars and turn them into understanding and healing for your children

No matter what your parenting journey has entailed, you will find wisdom, encouragement, and practical instruction in these hope-soaked pages.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

192 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 6, 2025

Reviews

[Katie Powner · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been a foster parent for ten years, and I love reading about the experiences of other foster parents. Peter Mutabazi's personal story of overcoming is amazing, and his dedication to becoming the best dad he can be to foster and adopted children is inspiring. I recommend this book to anyone involved in foster care in any capacity, as well as to anyone interested in learning more about what it's like.

[Ginny Yurich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent and deep parenting advice

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks to Netgalley for the eARC.

This book offers a better understanding into the challenges of raising foster kids while giving good advice and lessons on how to parent.
Mutabazi is honest and open about his life and journey as a foster parent and there is a lot to take away for anyone who has kids and/or interacts with kids who have traumatic backgrounds.

[Panda Incognito · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best parenting book that I've read in a long time. It is easy to read, practical, and full of humble, honest advice. The author, Peter Mutabazi, is a speaker and author who has done a lot of humanitarian work for different organization, after a tumultuous childhood in poverty and years living on the streets in Uganda. His previous book, Now I Am Known, shared his inspiring life story, and this new book unpacks important lessons that he has learned from foster parenting. He has a unique perspective because of his background, and he draws on his own past and his foster parenting experiences to help readers better understand the challenges that foster kids face.

In the first part of this book, Mutabazi shares things he wished he had known before he became a dad, and in the second section, he shares advice about parenting topics like helping kids learn how to face the consequences of their actions, and how parents can look beyond a child's troubling behaviors to find the root causes underneath. The final part of the book focuses specifically on adoption and foster care, offering advice about a variety of challenging situations that arise in that context. One theme that the author returns to here is that no matter how difficult things become at home, the parents chose this life, and their foster or adopted kid did not. He writes in a very compelling, sympathetic way about the unique challenges that foster and adopted kids face, and he shares trauma-informed, practical, and time-tested advice.

This book avoids many common problems that I see in parenting books. Firstly, the author shares personal stories from his home life without violating the children's privacy. Since he has fostered over forty kids and shares these stories anonymously, he is able to give the reader practical illustrations without identifying and oversharing about a particular child. Also, because he has parented so many kids from different situations, the author recognizes that one size does not fit all, and he even devoted a whole chapter to that idea. Mutabazi shares lots of advice in this book, but it isn't prescriptive or just for a particular stage in a child's life. This is generally applicable for everyone.

This is a great book for any parent who wants to engage in deeper self-reflection and grow as a parent. This book offers honest, insightful reflections on the challenges of parenting, and shares helpful advice for raising kids. It also shares important information about child psychology and trauma, while remaining easy to read and accessible. This is a great book for parents of foster, adopted, or biological kids, and this is also a great book for people who are considering becoming foster or adoptive parents for the first time.

I received a free copy from the publisher, and am voluntarily leaving an honest review.

[Bookworm · Rating 3 out of 5]

Was unfamiliar with the author but was intrigued by the cover. I don't have direct experience with the foster care system, do understand it can be very complicated (legally, emotionally, logistically, etc.) so I was curious about this book. Never heard of the author but also could not imagine being a foster parent to 40 (!) kids.

Mutabazi talks about how he himself wanted to give the love and home he himself did not have, but of course this ends up being extremely complicated. In each chapter or so he discusses (with names changed and all) his experiences with children. Sometimes they needed different ways of communicating. Sometimes they needed structure. Sometimes they needed much more than Mutabazi was able to give alone. And so forth. And the book pretty much sums it up: sometimes love alone is not enough.

The stories are definitely not as intense or detailed as they could be but all the same it is clear the foster care system is one that desperately needs more help and support, for both the children and their caregivers. There are far too many horror stories out there of truly vile parents, but I was glad to read through Mutabazi's thinking about becoming a foster parent, about how he approached each child, kept their wants/needs in mind, etc.

It certainly did not make me want to adopt. I also acknowledge that for some, this is a book that does really delve into some of the dark places of foster care. But it was right for me in the sense that I wanted to know a bit more without perhaps being buried in too academic literature or books that seem more about showcasing suffering, etc.

As a book the writing was not the strongest, either. If you're someone who is just curious about foster care and maybe are considering becoming a foster parent, this might be a good book. Also useful if you are looking for a reference of different experiences and stories but as a casual reader this probably isn't for everyone.

Borrowed from teh library and that was fine for me.

[Shelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must-read for foster parents and probably bio parents looking for solutions to the complex behaviors kids present. As a fellow foster parent, it was heartwarming to read about Peter's parenting journey and his life journey. It was also quite validating to receive guidance from a foster parent expert, given that Peter has had over 40 foster placements. A small sample of the topics Peter covers includes celebrating small wins, reminding ourselves about kids' tendencies to self-sabotage, and that acting out is a sign of trust. I also loved hearing how Peter handled complicated and perplexing situations, as I now have more parenting tools when I encounter tricky situations in the future. Peter shares his journey with compassion from the kids' points of view - which can be easily overlooked when our parenting brains are scrambling for answers. However, once you take that point of view the "why" becomes clearer, even if the "what to do" doesn't come on the first time or even the second time. At the same time, he shares the foster parent's point of view, allowing us to have compassion for ourselves and to give ourselves grace when exhausted or unable to find an immediate solution to yet another tricky situation. Thank you Peter for your leadership in this foster parent journey!

[Sarah Casady · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mutabazi does it again. He comes from such a place of humility and understanding when it comes to parenting children - especially children with a history of trauma. His own story is remarkable - going from being abused then to being a “street kid” and finally to getting multiple degrees. So few books on parenting kids with trauma come from a place of understanding - it’s either woe is me or I’m the savior or I do it because Jesus said to. Mutabazi is so relatable because he parents because he wants to, because, as he says, he signed up for this. This book would be relatable for all parents, but as a parent to both bio and non-bio children, I appreciate the depth so much more. Each chapter gives his personal experience and what he’s learned, without ever preaching. Can’t wait to see what else Mutabazi will write

[Jeni · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mutabazi is a foster and adoptive father providing his insights on parenting kids who have a difficult history. His own history with a difficult childhood grants him an even deeper understanding of the kids he parents. Mutabazi acknowledges the difficulty at times in keeping a cool and calm head while parenting, but also pushes us to realize we are the adults and also have chosen this path, whereas the children we love are living in a world they have no control over. He also provides actionable examples that relate to his advice, allowing us to see an example of times he "practiced what he preached" and how he has grown in his own parenting style. I think all parents can likely gain something from his wise words.

[Natalie Shear · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading the book, and I eventually want to adopt or foster. I felt this is a good resource to read. I work as a teacher at a title one school. We have some crazy behaviors at times and I thought some of the aspects were helpful to understand. It is from a Christian perspective, but it points out that we have to accept kids for who they are and who we want them to be. Which I think less experienced person with kids and life would have skipped over or shoved religion down your throat. I felt the author did a nice job of addressing the facts, and taboo subjects about foster or working with kids who have experienced a lot of trauma.

[Michelle Bledsoe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been a clinical social worker for over 30 years. I have always worked with kids “in the system”…. I have read a lot of books by experts …. But this book written by a foster parent and with his own trauma history is very relatable. He writes in a way that is easy for any parent to read. Yes he is Christian but it is not in your face … and even makes it clear that he allows the children in his home to be themselves. Highly recommend if you are or want to be a foster parent, adoptive parent or work with kids from hard places

[Brooke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I literally have no complaints. This was heartwarming while still being realistic, and I came out of it feeling like I knew and understood more about raising children and the foster care system than ever before. The personal stories mixed in with hard facts was a fantastic format, and the writing was witty, intelligent, and compassionate. I highly recommend! (Of course, if you don't care about child psychology or development, maybe not, but otherwise I recommend it!)

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked this book because it's based on personal experience and focused on positive ways to improve the lives of foster children. Even when talking about tragic circumstances or terrible situations, Mutabazi keeps centered on his message of choosing to be a foster parent in order to help the kids who don't get choices. I really appreciated hearing how his own childhood allowed him to always consider the child's perspective.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was very excited to read this book. Ive followed Peter for a long time on social media, and knew this book would have a lot of practical advice & reminders does foster parents (and some for parents in general!) It did not disappoint. It was a great book. One I probably will reread every few years to help me remember to slow down and take everything step by step.
Good book for foster parents for sure!

[Kimberly Patton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t have time to keep track of the dozens of notes I made in this book. It is an incredible sequel to his first book. I love his honesty and all the gems especially for foster and adoptive families.

Peter is an amazing person to follow online, and I can’t wait to get to know him more. What a godly man and great example for us to follow as he does his best to follow God’s leading for his family.

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

as prospective adoptive parents of a waiting child, we thoroughly enjoyed this book. it was approachable. it was practical. it had a little bit of humor woven in too! many of the books we are often referred to read are high-level and read more like a textbook. we sincerely approach the downed Earth easily to understand nature of this book.

[Emily Bell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been a foster parent for two years. This book spoke to my heart so much and brought tears to my eyes. I kept texting my husband quotes from this book that applied exactly to things we are going through. The anecdotes and stories helped me feel less alone. And the Biblical truths are so good.

[Christine Goodnough · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ten stars for this amazing book! Wisdom for all parents, especially those raising foster children. Explaining the why of behavior issues and giving good counsel as to how to deal with these and help children heal, I can see this becoming a prime textbook for child care workers everywhere.

[Ron Frampton · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book that anyone who wants to become a foster dad should read first.

[Jasmine Dorsett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great read for foster, adoptive, or perspective parents. His honesty really helped me better understand what we go through and normalize questions, concerns, and assumptions people might have.

[Steven Ridgely · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great parenting book.

[Mandy Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love you Peter.

Thank you for all you do and all you share.

If I had to find something to say I wish it was your voice on audible book. You have a great voice.

[Brenna O'Hara]

I recently learned about some stats for U.S. foster care system ageouts and becoming unhoused, and it further illuminated the importance of foster parents like Peter Mutabazi.

[Camille Dayton Fostering.literacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this thoughtful memoir of a foster turned adoptive dad. I've fostered half the number of children that he has and I could relate to almost every story that he shared. From his battles with food waste to encouragin his kids to get an education even when they don't want to, and finding ways to honor biological parents who make unsafe choices, I appreciated his perspectives of faith, common sense, and trauma lived in his own life and seen in the lives of his children. This a great read for all foster parents, especially those who feel alone in their journey.

Thank you to NetGalley for the advance copy of this book. A review was not required.

[Shawna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve read both of his books. He’s such a good story teller but wow! I hat an incredible human. What capacity for love and courage.

[Debbie Menk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Peter Mutabazi’s Love Does Not Conquer All is a powerful, practical, and deeply compassionate guide to working with children who have experienced trauma. Written by an experienced foster dad, this book combines storytelling, insight, and wisdom. It is highly readable (and I'm picky - I don't like difficult books).

Mutabazi weaves together his own personal experiences from having been a child who endured trauma and as a parent to more than three dozen foster children. His techniques for addressing difficult behaviors are not based on difficult-to-understand pyschological theory or current trends, but on love, patience, and understanding of how a child might be experiencing any given situation.
His approach is respectful and highlights a child's need for safety and trust.

This book is primarily written for foster and adoptive parents. I am an experienced parent and grandparent, and I love his approach to parenting. But far more importantly for me, I am a teacher. The strategies Mutabazi shares will help me create a more supportive, trauma-informed classroom. I learned so much from his insights into behavior, boundaries, and healing.

Best of all, his methods never feel gimmicky or rigid. They are rooted in patience, empathy, and a genuine understanding of what children need to thrive.

Love Does Not Conquer All is important for anyone who loves, teaches, or cares for children. It will change some of the tools I use as I teach.

Also - it is a quick read (except for having to pause to let ideas sink in). I read it in 3 days.