Well. This was not good. The Fox and the Falcon starts a week after The Deer and the Dragon ended. Last we left Marlow, she was still high after her time in Astarte’s fertility clinic and rubbing up on Fauna. Caliban, Silas and Azrames are all stuck in the clinic fighting off Anath and a bunch of parasite babies. Six days later, and they still haven’t returned, so Marlow is freaking out. Fauna finds a contact who informs her that Caliban & co. are ‘voluntarily’ remaining in the Phoenician realm(it’s called Phoenicia in case anyone wanted to know) and that the Phoenicians have requested her presence. They claim they have no suspects as to who killed Astarte despite the fact that both Caliban and Silas are capable of killing a god and are literally imprisoned in their walls, but okay.
You’d think the plot would take off from there, but no. They talk about finding allies to help them against the Phoenicians, but Fauna says no, we can’t do that. For some reason, Fauna swore an oath to her contact that she wouldn’t act on his information. So, instead of going right after Caliban, we have plot filler for the following 200 pages.
Fauna and Marlow go party with the friends Marlow forgot all about in the last book. They instantly forgive her for basically ghosting them for two weeks, and all is hunky dory. This time, Fauna misgenders Kirby, and Marlow yells at her for it, even though she misgendered them in the last book and made the story of how they got their name all about herself. While they’re partying, Marlow’s agent calls her and warns her not to watch the news, which she’s already watching, I guess.
Okay, before I explain what happened on the news, let me give you a little timeline of Marlow’s life. So, she starts seeing Caliban as a fox when she’s six after some kids are mean to her. When she’s 16, she tries to unalive herself and he appears to her in a human form, presumably looking like a grown ass man. He continues to visit her looking like this from this point forward. When she’s 20, they have sex for the first time, and he uses everyone’s favorite rapey line of, ‘once I start, I won’t be able to stop.’ When she’s 22, she starts escorting after being basically trafficked by a strange woman in another country. When she’s 24, she’s on Good Morning, America, for some reason giving us a whole lesson on how getting on the bestseller list works. (How much you wanna bet that’s because of Piper crying online about how she was getting sued for not making the bestseller list, lmfao.) In the present day, Marlow is 26 years old. So, by that math, she was escorting at most for 2 years (and made her fortune in that amount of time?) because she says repeatedly she stopped escorting when she became a published author. So it has been at minimum 2 years since Marlow has had any interaction with any of her clients, aside from Richard, but he’s dead now.
With that in mind, Marlow watches the news and sees an old client of hers holding a press conference. He’s a Republican senator, crying online about how he was tricked into having an affair with Marlow’s author persona, when in fact he paid her for sex while she was escorting and is now trying to save face by doxxing her. How did it come out that he was involved with her at all? Why did he think it was a good idea to bring this up at all? This could have stayed private, and he wouldn’t have ruined his own reputation, nor hers. This just seems like a poor subplot to push Marlow along on her journey when we didn’t need to do this in the first place. If Fauna had never made that oath, this doxxing plot never would have happened. But it did, and now Marlow has an excuse to visit ‘the Nordic pantheon’.
They go back to Marlow’s apartment and have to teleport into a dog park for some reason, and while they’re there, they’re stopped by a security guard. He says, verbatim, ‘you guys need to leave, or I’m going to call the cops. Unless…’ and Fauna jumps on that unless and immediately assumes he wants them to suck his dick? Then she assumes he’s impersonating a police officer and murders him. Like, what? If you wanted to have a douchey guy get killed to suit your bad ass woman narrative, why not have him actually say something wrong? Instead of having Fauna jump to conclusions and say this man deserved to die, because as it is, she just killed him for doing his job lmfao.
Anyway, they finally go to Alfheimr, and we’re treated to a long ass lesson on a lot of incorrect Norse mythology—lots of misspelt names. (Gullveig is constantly mispelled as Gullevig. Freyja is repeatedly spelt as Frejya, and while it could be a typo, it happens too many times for it just to be that. An editor should have pointed this out. There’s even a weird part where Marlow’s middle name changes randomly from Esther to Frejya.) If I sit here and correct everything she got wrong, we’ll be here all day. If you want to know, I recommend you go through my notes and highlights. Anywho, they go to meet two women, Ella and Estrid. Estrid is a valkyrie, and later, Marlow immediately assumes that Ella is Hnoss(the daughter of Freyja and Óðr), and is right. But then she continues to call her a treasure goddess for the rest of the book. Hnoss is a beauty and lust goddess; her name means treasure. She is not a treasure goddess. Not only that, she completely forgets that Freyja is a war goddess and only refers to her as a beauty and lust goddess. *sigh* The fact that Piper claims 'Nordic folklore' is her hyper specialization is fucking laughable considering she's gotten all of this incorrect. They recruit these two to their cause, idk how, but somehow they do.
Then Marlow’s grandma and grandpa arrive to criticise her and then leave. Her grandma calls her a privileged white woman and tells her to get over herself, then departs. We then learn that her grandpa, Geir, is actually Eir. At first, I was confused about whether Geir was intended to be a transman. In Norse mythology, Eir is either a healing goddess or a valkyrie. Piper combines the two, calling Eir a healing valkyrie, only to contradict herself a moment later by saying valkyries aren’t healers. As I kept reading, I realised that Geir had been given Loki’s ability to change genders and chose to appear as a man because that’s what his partner prefers. I'm not sure why she decided to turn a mythology figure, meant to be a valkyrie —a group of female warriors —into a man, but okay. It would have been one thing if she’d made him trans, but nah, he’s able to change his physiology completely. Oh, also, somehow, now that he’s a man, he’s turned into an elf? Anyway, they arrive to give us that information, then leave and are never seen or heard from or mentioned again.
Then they decide they want to free Fenrir to help them against the Phoenicians by having Hnoss cut the chains binding him. Piper says that Gleipnir and Tyr worked together to bind Fenrir. Gleipnir is not a person in Norse mythology; Gleipnir is a magical chain. Outstanding research there, Piper. Next, Hnoss and Estrid return home, having only been there to free Fenrir. Meanwhile, Marlow and Fauna visit Athens to recruit Hades and Persephone with minimal effort. And then Marlow gets invited to the Phoenician realm again and now, for some reason, they can actually go? They arrive with only Fenrir at their side, as going with their allies would apparently be suspicious, and are immediately imprisoned. Fauna has a whole meltdown about being trapped. Idk how nobody considered this might happen.
Fauna, especially, is having a super bizarre reaction because everyone keeps hinting to Marlow that Fauna is some super powerful being, and the wild bows to her, etc. Yet, here she is crying like a little baby the second thing goes wrong.
Then we get a flashback of when Marlow went to a popular kid's house, and they trapped her in a drug den in the middle of the woods, and then bullied her some more when they got in trouble for it. Oh, also, Marlow is so smart that when she was seven, she got moved up two grades because she’s the most intelligent person ever, despite constantly being wrong lmfao.
Anyway, after the flashbacks, Fauna and Marlow are still trapped in this room. These random handmaidens come in, forcefully wash and change them, and offer no explanation as to what is going on, leaving them in that room. Then Caliban and Marlow finally reunite because he somehow sneaks into her room, he whisks her away somewhere, tells her nothing about what’s going on and then immediately he and Marlow start having sex? I’m sorry, what? This is the worst possible time for a sex scene, lmfao. This is the first time they’ve seen each other since he chopped Astarte’s head off while his dick was still inside Marlow, and ya’ll can’t even have a conversation first? They talk in riddles because ‘there are ears everywhere’, have sex again for some reason, finally go to the banquet where Ella and Estrid showed up to and some phoenician gods are, no one offers any explanation as to why Fauna and Marlow were treated like prisoners, they talked about a whole lot of nonsense that I blacked out because it seemed irrelevant and a lot of rehashing of information we already knew, and then finally Azrames and Silas are brought in.
Now we’re finally at the actual plot of the book…maybe.
And when it comes, it's essentially lots of talking between the various gods. Azrames is sentenced to 3000 lashes for just being there when Astarte was murdered and not doing enough to stop it. They immediately blame Silas for her murder because he's an angel and sentence him to death by combat. Because Hades(did I mention they showed up too?) told them Persephone doesn't like blood shed, Anath brings out an estries, which is described as a vampire or succubus in Jewish folklore. Idk how many times we've gotta tell Piper to stop touching Jewish folklore and religion, but here we are again. Caliban is really abusive at one point, basically pinning Marlow down when she's trying to fight him to get away? Hated it. During Silas' battle, he almost wins, and then Marlow gives a speech, which she could've done from the very beginning, because everyone immediately decides to team up against heaven to kill God and start an apocalypse so all the pantheons can duke it out to see who will be number one.
Then Silas reveals that the reason Marlow is so important to everyone is that in every cycle, she's been pushed to be a sex worker. It's revealed that one chick actually did traffick her in Argentina because a faerie influenced her to convince Marlow to join sex work. Because Marlow is apparently the whore of Babylon due to her relationship with Caliban, and they expect her to birth the antichrist and start the apocalypse. Fauna is actually Angrboda; she knew all along who Marlow was, so did Azrames and Caliban. Literally everyone has been using her, but for some reason, she remains on their side and decides that she's going to be the antichrist instead.
I think this idea could maybe have been done well, but it required so much more work than it was given. For one thing, actually researching the mythology you're attempting to incorporate would be a good start. Another would be actually taking the time to weave together a plot that is actually interesting, a better way to string together Marlow's life, like I mentioned in my review for the last book, flashbacks of her previous cycles would have been cool but we learn that Marlow was once a Haitian black woman in one cycle and a Chinese woman selling opium in the other and I do not trust Piper's ass to handle those characters with care considering what she did in TNAIM to her Asian and Black characters. Yeah, basically don't bother with this. It's not worth it. Nothing happens
Oh, and when Marlow returns home finally, it's the day after she found out she'd been doxxed, so literally that whole plot was brought up for absolutely no reason.
The end.
Absolutely pointless, stupid, boring book.
Oh, and. brooch is still mispelled as broach. Dregs is actually used correctly 2 out of 3 times. I'm so proud of you, Piper. But still, an editor was actually credited, and once again they did an ass job.