The Hospitality of Need: How Depending on One Another Helps Us Heal and Grow Together

by Kevan Chandler, Tommy Shelton

Heal, mature, and grow together.

Too often, our needs are perceived—by ourselves and others—as either burdens to shamefully hide, or idols before which everything else must bow. The Hospitality of Need provides a biblical framework for readers to see their needs as opportunities for deeper, truer community and relationships.  

Through engaging real-life stories, Kevan Chandler and Tommy Shelton share what can happen when we invite others into our lives—hardships and all. Ultimately, this is a book about friendship . . . the kind that God has called us to live in . . . friendship that goes deep and flourishes, not in spite of our needs but actually through them.   

This book is for both caregivers and care receivers. It’s for the wider Christian community that wants to grow in awareness of the needs around them. With the right heart and approach, we can—and must—follow Jesus’ beautiful call to care for one another. The Hospitality of Need shows us how. Join Kevan and Tommy’s invitation into a journey that will foster healing, growth, and deeper Christian fellowship.  

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian, Faith, Christian Living, Spirituality, Religion

208 pages, Paperback

Published June 3, 2025

Reviews

[Marty Solomon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kevan Chandler (with the partnership of his friend Tommy) has written another great reflection out of Kevan’s experience. Similar to his other work, We Carry Kevan, this book keeps building and getting better as you move toward the end.

The big idea of this book is a fantastic point that is so hard to learn in our Western, particularly American, context. We see need as a burden, but Chandler helps us see that our needs are a gift. That by sharing our needs with others, we offer them hospitality. Tommy will do the work of showing how we see this in the life and ministry of Jesus, with his last reflection being my favorite.

At the end of the day, I could listen to Kevan talk about Skellig Michael for days on end. Some powerful thoughts and storytelling — every time. As Kevan builds toward the end, his perspective of what it’s like to share this hospitality with others gets better and better. His vulnerability and honesty is always refreshing and he always offers a more colorful way of seeing the world — especially the parts we take for granted and assume we understand.

[Danita · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an amazing read -- the perfect blend of narrative from Kevan who knows about need and biblical, theological reflections from his pastor friend Tommy. Highly recommend!

[Max Robbins · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a whole, THoN doesn't quite come together as cohesively as I had hoped. Each individual chapter has something good to say, but the transition between chapters can often feel abrupt. Even so, the overarching premise is great, and there are some standout anecdotes, sections, and chapters that make it well worth the read, especially Kevan's moment with Toby, Tommy's epilogue, and the afterword (which is spectacular)!

[Zak Schmoll · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a challenging book. Co-written by the same author with SMA who went across Europe with his friends and without his wheelchair, this book puts more of a theological framework around what it means to need someone else. The argument essentially boils down to the fact that showing true hospitality involves both the guest and the host. It is a symbiotic relationship because one that doesn't exist without the other. You cannot be a host if you do not have a guest, and you cannot be guest if there is a host. In much the same way, for those of us who might have more substantial needs, it is easy to think about ourselves as a burden on others. This book suggests that by inviting people into our needs, it is also meeting their needs simultaneously. As much as some people need help, other people need to help. Both parties benefit from the help in different ways, and the beautiful picture of fellowship emerges. Therefore, no one is actually burden actually a valuable part of the community.

It is hard to invite people into your needs. I don't like it. It makes me uncomfortable, especially as it comes to anything even tangentially personal care related. However, I am inclined to think that he is right. Often times when I ask people for help, they are very willing to do it. If they can do something to help, they do often times appreciate being asked. They need direction so that the help is helpful, but there are many great people in the world.

I suppose I am a Vermonter and don't like to ask for help any more than absolutely necessary. However, the reality is I do need help, and this book was a good reminder that everyone is limited. Everyone has needs, and even the fact that you are available to receive help from someone else means that you are part of this community and helping meet someone else's needs. I may help someone at work, and that feels different than someone moving my arm. However, I don't know that it really is different in the grand scheme of things. It shows a picture of community and the kind of world that God wants us to build towards.

[J. Harrison · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Maybe need isn't actually a bad thing if we realize the hospitality of it. Maybe it can be a door that opens into spaces where, together, we find our souls."

Wow. I am so glad that I read this. I had heard Kevan give a talk by this same title a few years back at a conference and it was super impactful, so I knew that I had to read the book as soon as it came out. Through his honesty and wisdom in sharing his experiences, Kevan invites us to let down our guards and see our own weakness and vulnerability as opportunities to build deeper relationships. This book hit me right where it hurts. "Are we willing sometimes to be the weak ones?" the question that Mckelvey puts to us in his foreword, has been echoing in my head.
How ready I am to enter into another's weakness, however, to welcome someone into my own, to be seen as needy, that is a different story. But true connections are formed through honesty, and if we are honest, we all have needs. And our gracious Father reminds us how ready he is to use even those needs for his glory, for his power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
So, read this, it will give you the courage to be a little more real, a little more open.

[Ella Shelton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inviting others into caring for our needs is an act of generosity. I had never really considered this truth before, but after reading the anecdotes of Chandler’s life as someone dependent on the service of others and through the accounts of Jesus’ sinless yet human needs, this reality became even more exciting. There is joy to be found in vulnerability and interdependency. I loved this book and think that any Christian struggling with spiritual apathy or just wants to enrich their understanding of brotherly/sisterly fellowship should give it a thoughtful read!

[Bettina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read!

[Ginny Yurich · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love anything Kevan Chandler writes!

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a concept that keeps coming up for me: the value of inviting others into my need and not feeling like I have to repay, as involvement in another’s need is connection and an opportunity to grow. I don’t hesitate when others share a need I can meet, but I need to get braver about asking.
Kevan’s perspective is refreshing. It’s challenging to me.

What a convicting memoir full of spiritual truths.

[Bethany DeHaven · Rating 4 out of 5]

Compelling points, a few chapters felt a little basic/repetitive

[Sarah Champine · Rating 5 out of 5]

“As they carry me, help me, and meet my needs, their needs are also met. As they bring me to Jesus, they get closer to him as well.” -Kevan Chandler

[Hannah of the Sky · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted this to be my new favorite book. Sigh.

Looking at the cover and the title honestly gave me an aha moment. Wow, "the hospitality of need". Can there be a sort of hospitality, not in giving, but in needing? And in intentionally, humbly, inviting others to share in the body of Christ by meeting that need? As someone who is has suffered various chronic illnesses and had to be very dependent on others, I feel like I've glimpsed that. And I'd love to go deeper. The hospitality of need! In our isolated society that sees hospitality as a performance and is obsessed with independence, that's a thought worth chewing on for a good long while. Plus the cover! A picture ofJesus and the woman at the well - what a fascinating embodiment of the idea. In asking for water, he was offering her hospitality! There's so much that could be said on this topic!

The foreword (by Douglas McKelvey of Every Moment Holy) was so good - bringing tears to my eyes as I read about the family of a severely disabled boy who, despite not being all put together - or rather because of not being all put together - became a haven and home to a community of caregivers. I was hoping for more stories like this. I was hoping for more insight into this!

All that to say... honestly, I was disappointed by the book itself. The organization felt scattered, the editing felt rushed. And nothing was really said. The chapters by Kevan were ok but honestly the concept of "hospitality of need" came through clearer in his first book (We Carry Kevan). I thought we'd get some new perspectives on his life, not just recycled stories from that book. (An exception is that towards the end we get a glimpse into his marriage, which would have been worth exploring more.) And the chapters by Tommy, one of Kevan's friend-caregivers disappointingly didn't offer any insight into the ways he was blessed through being a caregiver (again there are some brief exceptions)

Interspersed with Kevan's stories are some biblical stories with cool chapter titles ("the resurrection needed a tomb") - but the chapters themselves don't really communicate what I feel they were intended to, and every time somehow stopped short of really driving the point home. These sections are also often off topic. For example there is a chapter about how Jesus needed a room to share the Passover with his disciples. But instead of discussing the significance of this in line with the theme of the book, the chapter delves into research on the backstory of the Passover festival and how Jesus fulfilled it. Good truth, but rambles way too long and really doesn't add to the development of the theme of the book.

Chapter 22 is an exception - it has a few good paragraphs discussing the hospitality of Joseph of Arimathea to share his tomb with Jesus.
Other impactful bits were in Chapter 21 where there is some good stuff about the personal side of Kevan's needs, and his relationships with those who help care for him.
The chapter on communion was excellent, also giving a picture into his marriage.
The afterword by Jedd Medefind was also really good.
Other than those sections, I just kept feeling disappointed.

I wonder how this book with so much potential fell flat. Was the idea not fully developed yet? Is Kevan just better at writing memoirs and personal experience stories than a theological book? Or maybe this should have been more of a collaborative effort with stories of other people who discovered community in their time of need? I'm not sure.

I'm glad the book exists. And I'm giving it 3 stars rather than 2 because of how much the title alone impacted me. Unfortunately I find that after finishing the book, I still wonder what it would be like to hear the theme "hospitality of need" really fleshed out and developed.

[Amanda (aebooksandwords) · Rating 3 out of 5]

What if our neediness was an opportunity for beautiful expressions of hospitality? What if in it we found that hollow areas in our souls—perhaps ones we didn’t even know existed—were met with fellowship and community unlike any we’ve known before?

In “The Hospitality of Need,” Kevan Chandler and Tommy Shelton lead us to discover what our lives could be like if we invited others into even our hardships. They share about what it means to bear one another’s burdens and the friendships, healing, and community that awaits as we do, along with sharing how Jesus experienced need in His incarnation.

Kevan’s story—rightly expressed, the story of both Kevan and his friends—is inspiring as he lives out something that is likely rare in our generation for someone who is disabled. What a blessing to have such friendships in that! Some of his connections from Bible passages to his own life highlighted a helpful perspective I had not considered.

I enjoyed most of the book, but a few chapters left me feeling a bit mixed by the writing style. I feel that for those, a greater connectedness between the chapters and some slight tweaks would have improved this for the reader. I also found myself wanting some of the chapters on Jesus’ needs to go even deeper on the topic.

Of all the chapters, the one where Kevan shares about volunteering in a prison ministry moved me to the point of tears. Also strikingly beautiful was Tommy’s chapter about the woman at the well in John 4.

Highlights:

“Needs shake us, whether they belong to us or someone else. If we're in proximity, they can change us. They can cause us—force us—to slow down or keep up, to think and act differently from our norm. They can pull us out of our comfort zones and disrupt the ideal rhythms by which we usually function. They can either set right the broken or break the too-perfect.”

“Need is a sermon that God purposed at the beginning of time, when He first commanded waters, shaped dirt, and grew fruit for food. In His sovereignty, He fashioned our needs to point us to Him. The Word who spoke everything into being stooped down to be born unto us and buried by us; to be thirsty with us, dusty, hungry. And by these needs, He quenched the thirst of the world, washed it clean, and offered it the Bread of Life.”

“When we invite people into our need, we invite them into our innermost parts. And we have to realize that while that's terrifying for us, it's just as scary for them. Yet at the same time, the payoff for us both is bountiful...”

“Weakness and need become a sort of grace reactor fueling the formation of real community… Because when we move toward the meeting of needs, we are also moving inevitably toward one another [and] toward Jesus in whom we are joined and held together as one body.”

Thank you to the publisher for gifting me a copy of this book. I am leaving this review voluntarily and was not required to leave a positive review. All opinions are my own.

[Sofia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was so encouraged and challenged by the sweet story of friendship and Christ-like sacrifice in this book. I laughed, cried, was deeply moved, convicted and thought- provoked. Particularly the examples of our Lord Jesus incarnate, inviting people into His needs for their good and His Glory and eternal purposes. Gleaned so much. Can’t recommend it enough!

“Heal, mature, and grow together.

Too often, our needs are perceived—by ourselves and others—as either burdens to shamefully hide, or idols before which everything else must bow. The Hospitality of Need provides a biblical framework for readers to see their needs as opportunities for deeper, truer community and relationships.

Through engaging real-life stories, Kevan Chandler and Tommy Shelton share what can happen when we invite others into our lives—hardships and all. Ultimately, this is a book about friendship . . . the kind that God has called us to live in . . . friendship that goes deep and flourishes, not in spite of our needs but actually through them.

This book is for both caregivers and care receivers. It’s also for the wider Christian community that wants to grow in awareness of the needs around them. With the right heart and approach, we can—and must—follow Jesus’ beautiful call to care for one another. The Hospitality of Need shows us how. Join Kevan and Tommy’s invitation into a journey that will foster healing, growth, and deeper Christian fellowship.” ~ book description from The Rabbit Room folks.

[Sarah Rooker · Rating 5 out of 5]

We need books that put flesh to the gospel. Books that translate red letters into modern-day life. Books that usher us to the feet of Jesus while simultaneously compelling us beyond our thresholds into a hurting world. Kevan and Tommy have written such a book.

A book of hospitality often proposes that readers must own a home, a long table, and fine dinnerware before inviting others into curated spaces. But instead, Tommy and Kevan introduce us to a different kind of hospitality, one where we invite others into our most vulnerable spaces and moments, while pointing us to the One who did it best.

I expected the book to be convicting, asking— where should I extend my own hospitality of need? However, I did not expect the book to be comforting, as I found solace in the example set by my Savior, who invited others into his own needs as He gave up the riches of heaven to become man for us.

Kevan and Tommy’s words left me laughing, weeping, and worshipping. All humans should read these words or have them read over them because from the embryo to the elderly, all of humanity has needs. The need for a friend. The need for a Savior. The need for a book like this one. And those needs become an opportunity for rich, everlasting hospitality.

This book has marked me, and I believe it will mark you too.

[Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

In The Hospitality of Need, Kevan Chandler and Tommy Shelton show how depending on one another helps us heal and grow together.

This is a beautiful and inspiring book that will make you marvel at our Maker. I was struck by the fact that Jesus had needs—especially as a child—just as we do. Even more, he had needs and yet did not sin.

The Compassion of Christ

A co-authored work between Chandler and Shelton, the book blends their voices seamlessly. Shelton shows how hospitality and need are woven throughout the Bible and form a prominent gospel theme. Chandler, a paralytic, brings real-life stories that ground the book in practical theology. Both are excellent writers. They complement each other well and write with passion and poignancy.

After reading this book, I am challenged to share my needs with others. I am encouraged to receive their care. And I am emboldened to meet the needs of others with the compassion of Christ.

I received a media copy of The Hospitality of Need and this is my honest review. @diveindigdeep

[Kayla Hollatz · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 star rounded up. This is the book the American church needs! Our culture is overly individualistic and prideful, causing us to hide our vulnerabilities from one another. This books challenges that by showing another way through the hospitality of need.

It takes a village, but many of us have forgotten what it takes to be villagers who give, receive help, and accept our own needs. The authors do a wonderful job of sharing stories that reflect the teachings of Jesus, especially Kevan who opens up about living with a disability. I loved many stories from Kevan's experience serving in a prison ministry to the new way Kevan and his wife take communion together. Tears!

The essay chapters felt disorganized at times, and the tone of Tommy's essays toward the end were in stark contrast to Kevan's, but the overall book was still well worth the read.

As the authors say, need is not a sin, and it often is exactly what Jesus uses to demonstrate His love, power, and goodness.

[Ruth Potinu · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really appreciated this book. It did a beautiful job of showing how stepping into each others needs is messy and yet so profound. I was highlighting favorite quotes, and reminded just how important community is. Kevan's perspective particularly showed how vulnerability can actually be a gift at times, and I love how he pointed out that in asking people for help we shouldn't take those giving the help for granted but that the magic happens when giving and receiving is a two way street. This would be a great book for a small group to read together and then practically find ways to implement different concepts talked about in the book.

[Wendy Hall · Rating 4 out of 5]

We read this book during Lent with our Sunday School class. Really not a Lenten book and will circle back to a genuine Lenten devotional next year. However, this was an excellent book both in the stories it shared and in the lessons it taught. Much to be learned from this man living with a significant disability and his friends. Humbling to realize how infrequently we ask for help, how often we pass up the opportunity to help, and how much we all want to be self-sufficient. And in that we miss so much of the gift of helping others and being helped. So much more to say about that, but you would just need to read the book.

[SarahReadsBooks · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really loved the main idea/theme of this book - our needs and others needs are really what help us develop strong and deep relationships with people. It's ok to need others and let people help you.
That said, I had a hard time really getting into this book. I enjoyed the stories in the chapters that Kevan wrote but then there were these chapters about the life of Jesus in between and it really felt like I was reading 2 different books. There was good stuff all throughout, but the flow of the book with 2 different styles of chapters made it too easy to just put it down.

[Candace Heurion · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you're looking for a step-by-step on how to have Biblical hospitality, this is not that book (but not in a negative way). If instead, you want to walk through a life of another, whose friends and family lived out Biblical hospitality, than this is a sweet and refreshing book. You will also see glimpses of how these demonstrations of love and care display to the world what Christ displayed for us.

[Joy Kidney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most of us aren't comfortable with asking for help. But what if in asking, you're gifting someone with a chance to enter a holy relationship, one that helps both people heal and grow together? Kevan Chandler's neediness is extreme, wheelchair-bound, but living a full life because of those who've entered into his compelling dependence with eagerness. A powerful concept.

[Micah Hester · Rating 5 out of 5]

A just devoured the majority of this book at the beach. God is teaching me to repent and rest, and this book is confirming the work Jesus has DONE. Praise God. This is not a self help or advice-laden book. This is a testimony and a testament to the Gospel of Christ. I feel that happy feeling I get when I am invited somewhere.

[Laney Dugan · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a sweet book filled with pithy, deep thoughts to consider. I feel like this book was profound while not being pretentious, and simply wove some deeply challenging ideas about need into poignant storytelling that results in a desire to think more about and embrace these things personally. I’ll be pondering this book and the way need can cultivate community for a while…

[Veronica Valdez · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book challenged my thinking on what it means to “invite others in to our need and there find community”. I enjoyed listening to Kevan and Tommy, however, in Tommy’s chapters, I sometimes found myself a little lost in the weeds and their chapters felt a bit disconnected. Overall, I’d recommend this writing and it’s for everyone.

[Pamela · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the chapters in this book written by Kevan; his honesty and vulnerability were gracious and taught me a lot about community. However, I felt the chapters by Tommy were preachy and too much like sermons. I didn’t think they were assets to the book overall.

[Sara Osborne · Rating 5 out of 5]

An easy, pleasant read but full of conviction and inspiration. Highly recommended to church and school leaders, parents, and church members of all stripes. Left contemplating how my life should change in light of the hospitality of need.

[Karen Buttle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn’t actually finish the book. I read the foreword and the first couple of chapters, and skimmed and dipped into the rest, and felt I had gotten all I was going to out of the book.

I feel this book had more potential than it ended up being. The premise is very good.

[Alyssa Robinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most inspiring books I’ve ever read. I so enjoyed learning Kevan’s story and the friendships that have developed from his constant, around the clock needs. Kevan encourages and shows the value of inviting others into your needs as an act of hospitality - highly recommend!!

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thought provoking and paradigm shifting, while also an entertaining read!