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F***ed-Up Fairytale #1
Curses!
I'm no hero. In fact, up until a couple of days ago, I was the villain. Kidnapped maidens, scared kids, stole magic tchotchkes--until I got into a little scrape with the union. Now I'm cursed with the worst fate in New Never City--no matter what I do, I gotta be nice.So when a head-case princess named Asia barges into my apartment and asks me to find out who whacked her stepsister, Cinderella, I have no choice but to help her. And I'm more than willing to head back to her parents' castle and do some investigating if it means I can get into her black leather cat suit. Except this twisted sister has a family nutty enough to send the Biggest Baddest Wolf running for the hills--and a freaky little curse of her own. . .
"More than f***ed-up. Demented. Hilarious." --Mario Acevedo, author of "Werewolf Smackdown"
"More than f***ed-up. Demented. Hilarious." --Mario Acevedo, author of "Werewolf Smackdown"
ebook
First published January 1, 2012
65 people are currently reading
1863 people want to read
About the author
J.A. Kazimer
48 books163 followersJ.A. (Julie) Kazimer lives in Denver, CO. When she isn't looking for a place to hide the bodies, she spends her time with a pup named Killer. Other hobbies include murdering houseplants and avoiding housework.
She spent a few years as a bartender and then wasted another few years stalking people while working as a private investigator before transitioning to the moniker of WRITER and penning over 15 titles.
Visit her website at jakazimer.com and sign up for her THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO MURDER Newsletter.
Links:
http://www.jakazimer.com
http://www.facebook.com/JulieAKazimer
https://twitter.com/jakazimer
She spent a few years as a bartender and then wasted another few years stalking people while working as a private investigator before transitioning to the moniker of WRITER and penning over 15 titles.
Visit her website at jakazimer.com and sign up for her THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO MURDER Newsletter.
Links:
http://www.jakazimer.com
http://www.facebook.com/JulieAKazimer
https://twitter.com/jakazimer
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 180 reviews
June 18, 2012
Soo...despite my prolonged absence from GR, I'm not dead. And to celebrate that fact, this is my first review in awhile. I wish it could have been a slightly more positive review, but one takes the cards one's been dealt, I guess.
I picked this book because I'm a big fan of authors Jasper Fforde and (at times) Christopher Moore. I include them in the same list because their books tend to have very irreverent attitudes, yet somehow manage to wallop you with actual plot and character developments at the end, and I'd hoped that Kazimer might be a fledgling version of Fforde or Moore. Unfortunately...no, not really.
First, a good thing: the humor in this big is present in a big way. For the first third of the book, I found myself laughing out loud. Our protagonist, R.J., was once an evil villain, but has since been removed from the villainous union and is cursed to be nice until he can get his life back on track. Asia is his love interest, who, naturally, is the smoking-hot "ugly" step-sister of Cinderella.
The problem, though, is that the same old jokes keep getting repeated. R.J. is emasculated, Asia is kind of evil but R.J. thinks it's hot, Pamela Hans Christian Anderson, yadda yadda yadda. About halfway through, I stopped laughing out loud and started waiting for the plot to start up. And that's the kicker about this book: unlike Fforde or even Moore, the humor is the main event. The plot's certainly not going to keep you there, since it's basically a series of events tied very loosely together that don't make a lot of sense. And God knows the characters aren't enough to keep you invested, since they're all about as deep as a drinking fountain.
This is definitely not a book for people who are easily offended by cheap jokes or lazy writing, since it has both. I like to think I went into this book with a fairly open mind (after all, it's clearly labeled as F**ked Up Fairytales) but this book's portrayal of women set my teeth on edge a couple of times. The reader is constantly reminded that Asia is fat, but R.J. still finds her hot. How selfless of him. (At one point, we're told Asia weighs 150 lbs. Apparently, it's a miracle I'm able to get out of bed in the morning, since I think I weigh more than that.) Asia is probably the closest thing to a "positive" female role model the book's got, but considering that she's constantly agonizing over her weight for the entire book, I'm using the term loosely.
Basically, to sum things up: this book can be good for a distraction, but not unlike the sun, if you look at it too long your head will explode. Or something.
I picked this book because I'm a big fan of authors Jasper Fforde and (at times) Christopher Moore. I include them in the same list because their books tend to have very irreverent attitudes, yet somehow manage to wallop you with actual plot and character developments at the end, and I'd hoped that Kazimer might be a fledgling version of Fforde or Moore. Unfortunately...no, not really.
First, a good thing: the humor in this big is present in a big way. For the first third of the book, I found myself laughing out loud. Our protagonist, R.J., was once an evil villain, but has since been removed from the villainous union and is cursed to be nice until he can get his life back on track. Asia is his love interest, who, naturally, is the smoking-hot "ugly" step-sister of Cinderella.
Was her killer lurking somewhere? I smiled at the thought, remembering the joy of lurking. Ah, the good old villainous days.
The problem, though, is that the same old jokes keep getting repeated. R.J. is emasculated, Asia is kind of evil but R.J. thinks it's hot, Pamela Hans Christian Anderson, yadda yadda yadda. About halfway through, I stopped laughing out loud and started waiting for the plot to start up. And that's the kicker about this book: unlike Fforde or even Moore, the humor is the main event. The plot's certainly not going to keep you there, since it's basically a series of events tied very loosely together that don't make a lot of sense. And God knows the characters aren't enough to keep you invested, since they're all about as deep as a drinking fountain.
This is definitely not a book for people who are easily offended by cheap jokes or lazy writing, since it has both. I like to think I went into this book with a fairly open mind (after all, it's clearly labeled as F**ked Up Fairytales) but this book's portrayal of women set my teeth on edge a couple of times. The reader is constantly reminded that Asia is fat, but R.J. still finds her hot. How selfless of him. (At one point, we're told Asia weighs 150 lbs. Apparently, it's a miracle I'm able to get out of bed in the morning, since I think I weigh more than that.) Asia is probably the closest thing to a "positive" female role model the book's got, but considering that she's constantly agonizing over her weight for the entire book, I'm using the term loosely.
Basically, to sum things up: this book can be good for a distraction, but not unlike the sun, if you look at it too long your head will explode. Or something.
January 6, 2013
Among other things, this book is aptly titled, because let’s face it (and get this out of the way right now): this isn’t your mother’s fairy tale. Is that a bad thing? Hell no. Sure, the antics are a bit outrageous at times, but one definition of good comedy is that it resides in the extremes, and there are plenty of extremes to be had. I could give you a play-by-play, but you should enjoy it for yourself the first time, without me spoiling most of the fun for you. And there is fun to be had if, like the characters, you let yourself go for a bit, or as long as it takes you to go from “Once upon a time…” to The End.
Having met the author at the 2012 Left Coast Crime Conference, I was a little hesitant to read this book on my Kindle, even though I purchased it from Amazon on May 1, 2012. What if I didn’t like CURSES! or I developed a different impression of the author after having read her novel? Those concerns seem rather trivial now, after having read, and thoroughly enjoyed this twist on Cinderella with the forced-to-be-nice villain RJ. With evilly attractive stepsisters, a serial killer in the red hood, one dead Dumpty, and an overpowering Miss Muffet, there’s something for everyone.
J.A. Kazimer proves she knows her fairy tales, and she’s not afraid to jerk them around for her own twisted amusement. If you love alternate reality fairy tales, you’ll want to run, not walk, to your local bookstore, or your favorite online venue, and grab your copy today.
Having met the author at the 2012 Left Coast Crime Conference, I was a little hesitant to read this book on my Kindle, even though I purchased it from Amazon on May 1, 2012. What if I didn’t like CURSES! or I developed a different impression of the author after having read her novel? Those concerns seem rather trivial now, after having read, and thoroughly enjoyed this twist on Cinderella with the forced-to-be-nice villain RJ. With evilly attractive stepsisters, a serial killer in the red hood, one dead Dumpty, and an overpowering Miss Muffet, there’s something for everyone.
J.A. Kazimer proves she knows her fairy tales, and she’s not afraid to jerk them around for her own twisted amusement. If you love alternate reality fairy tales, you’ll want to run, not walk, to your local bookstore, or your favorite online venue, and grab your copy today.
January 15, 2012
Disclaimer: I begged Julie for an advance copy, which she sent to me. It's pumpkin orange.
Okay, think of the books that you quote. Not books of literature, but the ones where you grab nearby passers-by and say, "Wait, wait, listen to this!" and then read something sly and witty and look at them expectantly. Now, because these people are most likely thinking about a) getting away from you or b) sex, they're usually not impressed. However, once in a rare while, you run into someone who CAN QUOTE THE NEXT LINE. It's like heaven.
This is that kind of book.
"Peeling the cookie open, I licked my lips in anticipation of its sugary goodness and informative, if not valuable summation of my future. The cookie read:
THE DELIVERY KID LICKED YOUR EGG ROLL.
HAVE A NICE DAY!
Damn! Foiled again by a teen with more metal in his head than Snow White had sugar midgets.
Hi Ho, Hi Ho...
Off to scrub delivery kid spit out of my mouth I go."
I'll do up to "Have a Nice Day," and you'll do the rest. Heaven.
Urban fantasy murder mystery written by a chick with a degree in forensic psychology and who has worked as a private investigator, and who possesses a wicked eye that tends to favor a bit of villainy now and then. How could you go wrong?
Okay, think of the books that you quote. Not books of literature, but the ones where you grab nearby passers-by and say, "Wait, wait, listen to this!" and then read something sly and witty and look at them expectantly. Now, because these people are most likely thinking about a) getting away from you or b) sex, they're usually not impressed. However, once in a rare while, you run into someone who CAN QUOTE THE NEXT LINE. It's like heaven.
This is that kind of book.
"Peeling the cookie open, I licked my lips in anticipation of its sugary goodness and informative, if not valuable summation of my future. The cookie read:
THE DELIVERY KID LICKED YOUR EGG ROLL.
HAVE A NICE DAY!
Damn! Foiled again by a teen with more metal in his head than Snow White had sugar midgets.
Hi Ho, Hi Ho...
Off to scrub delivery kid spit out of my mouth I go."
I'll do up to "Have a Nice Day," and you'll do the rest. Heaven.
Urban fantasy murder mystery written by a chick with a degree in forensic psychology and who has worked as a private investigator, and who possesses a wicked eye that tends to favor a bit of villainy now and then. How could you go wrong?
May 19, 2012
The book was not NEARLY as entertaining as the description made it sound. I went into it expecting a humorous book that would make me laugh out loud with references and satire. Instead I had a couple of "ha, cute" moments and that was about it.
The story itself was an interesting take on the "twisted fairy-tale", emphasis on the "twisted". It is told from the viewpoint of RJ, a fairy-tale villain who has had his villain privileges revoked. RJ is cursed to only do "nice" things because the Villain Union deemed him unfit to be bad. The real reason for this punishment is never clearly explained, only hinted at through vague references. In the midst of this fate he meets Asia, one of Cinderellas step-sisters, who asks for his help in finding Cinderella's murderer. He agrees, but only because his "nice" curse compels him to.
What follows is a murder mystery that bumps and jerks along in a weird sort of flow. RJ is repeatedly assaulted, has numerous black-outs and keeps waking up in strange places with different people lying near him. The writing is very circular, taking the same themes and re-running them over and over. The word "villain" is used about 100 times too many. "Villain Union", "Villain Code", "Villainous clothes", "Villainous impotence". Yes we get it, he's a bad guy forced to be the hero. Wonderful, now move on.
The one good thing about the story was that it did keep me guessing. I like the murder mystery type story because I like to be challenged to figure out the who-done-it. And this story challenged that for me. I went back and forth between suspects right along with RJ, never really having an clear idea of the culprit. However part of me wonders if that is because the Author didn't know who the real villain was until the end either.
The story itself was an interesting take on the "twisted fairy-tale", emphasis on the "twisted". It is told from the viewpoint of RJ, a fairy-tale villain who has had his villain privileges revoked. RJ is cursed to only do "nice" things because the Villain Union deemed him unfit to be bad. The real reason for this punishment is never clearly explained, only hinted at through vague references. In the midst of this fate he meets Asia, one of Cinderellas step-sisters, who asks for his help in finding Cinderella's murderer. He agrees, but only because his "nice" curse compels him to.
What follows is a murder mystery that bumps and jerks along in a weird sort of flow. RJ is repeatedly assaulted, has numerous black-outs and keeps waking up in strange places with different people lying near him. The writing is very circular, taking the same themes and re-running them over and over. The word "villain" is used about 100 times too many. "Villain Union", "Villain Code", "Villainous clothes", "Villainous impotence". Yes we get it, he's a bad guy forced to be the hero. Wonderful, now move on.
The one good thing about the story was that it did keep me guessing. I like the murder mystery type story because I like to be challenged to figure out the who-done-it. And this story challenged that for me. I went back and forth between suspects right along with RJ, never really having an clear idea of the culprit. However part of me wonders if that is because the Author didn't know who the real villain was until the end either.
April 16, 2012
Review Courtesy of Dark Faerie Tales
Quick & Dirty: A raunchy mix of childhood fairy tales with very adult language and content.
Opening Sentence: A delivery kid stood in front of me in the pastel hallway of my four-story walk-up on the edge of the Easter Village.
The Review:
Finally, a book that lives up to its title. F***ed-up doesn’t even begin to adequately describe all of the high jinks in this book of fairy tale fallacies. It turns all the things we think we know about our beloved fairy tale characters and puts them on their heads. I don’t think that I have laughed this hard reading a book in a while.
RJ, and you can guess his real name, is in a funk. The Villain Union has put him on mandatory health leave and cursed him to do (shutter) only good things. What an outrage! So when the (not so) ugly step-sister of Cinderella, Asia, comes to him for help in solving her step-sister’s murder, he does. Damn union. This plunges him head first into a f***ed-up case full of curses, crisis’s, and catastrophes that make him want to cry wee wee wee all the way home.
RJ is a wonderfully devious character. He lies, cheats, and steals his way through life. So now that he is cursed to do… nice… things, what has he got to live for? One very sexy step-sister for starters. Asia is hot, and needs his help. Well, she needs the help of the famous Inspector Holmes of Fairy Yard; maybe she should have asked RJ for ID before making any assumptions about his identity. Normally, RJ would only “help” himself into her pants but this time he is compelled to follow her home to the Kingdom of Maldetto in search of Cinderella’s killer. Damn that union curse! RJ uses his knowledge of villainous tactics to piece together the clues that point him in the right direction. After falling hip-first in love with Princess Asia, RJ swears to help her with her curse as well. Will the man never learn to shut his mouth already? At this rate, all the other villains are going to call him names and then not let him play in any of their villain games. Maybe Asia can help him pass the time instead.
Princess Asia is, to coin the phrase from Shrek, like an onion; she has many layers and not all of them make her come up smelling like roses. Her curse makes her gain an unnatural amount of weight if she eats within the borders of her home kingdom. How can anyone love her when she has the potential to crush them under her massive girth? Is there no man out there that can see past all the bulbous fat to find the beauty hidden within? But perhaps the whole “damsel-in-distress” act that she gives RJ is not the real her either. Maybe she is not all sugar and spice and everything nice after all. Will RJ and Asia find their Happily Ever After when each one has something to hide?
Lots of other things happen while RJ is in the Kingdom of Maldetto. When several local villains turn up murdered, RJ becomes the authorities’ number one suspect. Not that he would be above such things normally, but it is not possible in his current impotent state. Yet, how can a known villain prove his innocence while still maintaining his evil status? And why is Prince Charming marrying one of the King’s daughters when it is clear to everyone else that he’s gay? How can RJ help out the other step-sister, Dru, find a prince of her own when she has clearly been beaten with the ugly stick? Most importantly to RJ; why is it that no villain has claimed the murder of Cinderella? Shouldn’t they be boasting about it? If a villain is not responsible, who had the motive to off the seemingly beloved Cinderella mere weeks before her wedding?
The whole book riffs off of countless fairy tales and nursery rhymes. I absolutely LOVE the uses and references of childhood stories that are turned into something completely inappropriate for my children to read. Hats off to Kazimer for making me see these beloved stories through the eyes of my not-so-pure adult mind. I can’t wait to see what the author comes up with next.
Notable Scene:
“My, what big feet you have.” Her eyebrows rose.
“Yeah. Ummm… look, kid,” I began and then took off running. I’d read the New Never News articles about a little red-hooded serial killer too many times to be her eighth victim.
I barreled my way through the forest, leaping over downed logs and ducking dive-bombing bluebirds. High-pitched, insane laughter followed me no matter how fast I ran.
“My, my, what big ears you have!”
I doubled my speed.
“My, my, what big eyes you have!”
Terror gave me added strength to run even faster.
“My, my, what short legs you have!”
I pulled to a stop. “Hey, my legs are not short. They’re average for a man of my size.”
“Average for a short man maybe.” The crazy red-hooded bitch laughed. An ax flew over my head, missing my scalp by inches. It planted itself in a tree. Another burst of laughter followed.
Fuck it. Now wasn’t the time to discuss the relativity of stature and the evils of the metric system. I took off running again, ducking and weaving through the Enchanted Forest like a big, not-so-nice wolf with a basket of freshly baked goodies on his way to visit his nana.
No matter how fast I ran, the red-hooded chick stayed right on my heels. I had to find a place to hide, somewhere that the crazy bitch would never find me. Ah, there, on the right. The pond where I’d first met Dru.
Lungs bursting, I dove into the slime-coated pond with a splash. The water rippled and then settled, hiding me from my would-be ax murderer not yet tall enough to ride the Tea Toddler at Feyland. Above me, her apple-cheeked reflection danced across the water, the shine of her ax glowing like a beacon.
Trust me, the irony wasn’t lost on me. There I was, a world-famous villain, hiding from a little girl in red tights. Pathetic. No wonder the union gave me the boot.
The F***ed-Up Fairytales Series:
1. Curses! A F***ed-Up Fairy Tale
FTC Advisory: The author provided me with a copy of Curses! A F***ed-Up Fairy Tale. No goody bags, sponsorships, “material connections,” or bribes were exchanged for my review. The only payment received came in the form of hugs and kisses from my little boys.
Quick & Dirty: A raunchy mix of childhood fairy tales with very adult language and content.
Opening Sentence: A delivery kid stood in front of me in the pastel hallway of my four-story walk-up on the edge of the Easter Village.
The Review:
Finally, a book that lives up to its title. F***ed-up doesn’t even begin to adequately describe all of the high jinks in this book of fairy tale fallacies. It turns all the things we think we know about our beloved fairy tale characters and puts them on their heads. I don’t think that I have laughed this hard reading a book in a while.
RJ, and you can guess his real name, is in a funk. The Villain Union has put him on mandatory health leave and cursed him to do (shutter) only good things. What an outrage! So when the (not so) ugly step-sister of Cinderella, Asia, comes to him for help in solving her step-sister’s murder, he does. Damn union. This plunges him head first into a f***ed-up case full of curses, crisis’s, and catastrophes that make him want to cry wee wee wee all the way home.
RJ is a wonderfully devious character. He lies, cheats, and steals his way through life. So now that he is cursed to do… nice… things, what has he got to live for? One very sexy step-sister for starters. Asia is hot, and needs his help. Well, she needs the help of the famous Inspector Holmes of Fairy Yard; maybe she should have asked RJ for ID before making any assumptions about his identity. Normally, RJ would only “help” himself into her pants but this time he is compelled to follow her home to the Kingdom of Maldetto in search of Cinderella’s killer. Damn that union curse! RJ uses his knowledge of villainous tactics to piece together the clues that point him in the right direction. After falling hip-first in love with Princess Asia, RJ swears to help her with her curse as well. Will the man never learn to shut his mouth already? At this rate, all the other villains are going to call him names and then not let him play in any of their villain games. Maybe Asia can help him pass the time instead.
Princess Asia is, to coin the phrase from Shrek, like an onion; she has many layers and not all of them make her come up smelling like roses. Her curse makes her gain an unnatural amount of weight if she eats within the borders of her home kingdom. How can anyone love her when she has the potential to crush them under her massive girth? Is there no man out there that can see past all the bulbous fat to find the beauty hidden within? But perhaps the whole “damsel-in-distress” act that she gives RJ is not the real her either. Maybe she is not all sugar and spice and everything nice after all. Will RJ and Asia find their Happily Ever After when each one has something to hide?
Lots of other things happen while RJ is in the Kingdom of Maldetto. When several local villains turn up murdered, RJ becomes the authorities’ number one suspect. Not that he would be above such things normally, but it is not possible in his current impotent state. Yet, how can a known villain prove his innocence while still maintaining his evil status? And why is Prince Charming marrying one of the King’s daughters when it is clear to everyone else that he’s gay? How can RJ help out the other step-sister, Dru, find a prince of her own when she has clearly been beaten with the ugly stick? Most importantly to RJ; why is it that no villain has claimed the murder of Cinderella? Shouldn’t they be boasting about it? If a villain is not responsible, who had the motive to off the seemingly beloved Cinderella mere weeks before her wedding?
The whole book riffs off of countless fairy tales and nursery rhymes. I absolutely LOVE the uses and references of childhood stories that are turned into something completely inappropriate for my children to read. Hats off to Kazimer for making me see these beloved stories through the eyes of my not-so-pure adult mind. I can’t wait to see what the author comes up with next.
Notable Scene:
“My, what big feet you have.” Her eyebrows rose.
“Yeah. Ummm… look, kid,” I began and then took off running. I’d read the New Never News articles about a little red-hooded serial killer too many times to be her eighth victim.
I barreled my way through the forest, leaping over downed logs and ducking dive-bombing bluebirds. High-pitched, insane laughter followed me no matter how fast I ran.
“My, my, what big ears you have!”
I doubled my speed.
“My, my, what big eyes you have!”
Terror gave me added strength to run even faster.
“My, my, what short legs you have!”
I pulled to a stop. “Hey, my legs are not short. They’re average for a man of my size.”
“Average for a short man maybe.” The crazy red-hooded bitch laughed. An ax flew over my head, missing my scalp by inches. It planted itself in a tree. Another burst of laughter followed.
Fuck it. Now wasn’t the time to discuss the relativity of stature and the evils of the metric system. I took off running again, ducking and weaving through the Enchanted Forest like a big, not-so-nice wolf with a basket of freshly baked goodies on his way to visit his nana.
No matter how fast I ran, the red-hooded chick stayed right on my heels. I had to find a place to hide, somewhere that the crazy bitch would never find me. Ah, there, on the right. The pond where I’d first met Dru.
Lungs bursting, I dove into the slime-coated pond with a splash. The water rippled and then settled, hiding me from my would-be ax murderer not yet tall enough to ride the Tea Toddler at Feyland. Above me, her apple-cheeked reflection danced across the water, the shine of her ax glowing like a beacon.
Trust me, the irony wasn’t lost on me. There I was, a world-famous villain, hiding from a little girl in red tights. Pathetic. No wonder the union gave me the boot.
The F***ed-Up Fairytales Series:
1. Curses! A F***ed-Up Fairy Tale
FTC Advisory: The author provided me with a copy of Curses! A F***ed-Up Fairy Tale. No goody bags, sponsorships, “material connections,” or bribes were exchanged for my review. The only payment received came in the form of hugs and kisses from my little boys.
August 27, 2018
This is so crazy and funny. You can't help but love the unique take on fairy tales with a naughty side.
November 10, 2015
You guys...the title of this book...I can't. I freaking love it.
This f***ed up fairy tale follows RJ, a top villian currently cursed with being nice. So when a beautiful damsel in distress asks for help solving her sister's murder, RJ has no choice but to put his villainous ways behind him and help the princess out.
RJ (can you guess which Disney villian he is?) our protagonist, was pretty wonderful. Bemoaning his lack of villainous ability, he fights the title of hero until the very end. His adoration of Asia, our heroine, was my favorite. It's lust at first sight for RJ, and many hilarious and adorable and weird encounters follow.
Asia herself was a bit of a mystery. I liked her, but I didn't feel like I knew her well. Anything I want to say about her involves spoilers, so...moving on!
The mystery is the central focus and the part that dissapoints me a bit. It had a great flow, leaving you hints here, doubts there. I was all ready to be shocked in the end by this otherwise outrageous novel. But then it rather just...fizzled. Over 200 pages of mystery and we get this short little scene about what happened and why. It just didn't feel complete, and wasn't a deserving or conclusive end to this bizarre and hilarious novel.
Now, with that said, I'm talking about the main mystery. Not the...twist, which I so wasn't expecting! So that cheered me up a bit!
So I enjoyed the hell out of this novel overall. I've been sick and in a funk and I just needed something silly and well written and light and goofy and THIS WAS IT. There were of course things I didn't 100% love but I mean come on...the title tells you like it is...it's a f***ed up fairy tale!
This f***ed up fairy tale follows RJ, a top villian currently cursed with being nice. So when a beautiful damsel in distress asks for help solving her sister's murder, RJ has no choice but to put his villainous ways behind him and help the princess out.
RJ (can you guess which Disney villian he is?) our protagonist, was pretty wonderful. Bemoaning his lack of villainous ability, he fights the title of hero until the very end. His adoration of Asia, our heroine, was my favorite. It's lust at first sight for RJ, and many hilarious and adorable and weird encounters follow.
Asia herself was a bit of a mystery. I liked her, but I didn't feel like I knew her well. Anything I want to say about her involves spoilers, so...moving on!
The mystery is the central focus and the part that dissapoints me a bit. It had a great flow, leaving you hints here, doubts there. I was all ready to be shocked in the end by this otherwise outrageous novel. But then it rather just...fizzled. Over 200 pages of mystery and we get this short little scene about what happened and why. It just didn't feel complete, and wasn't a deserving or conclusive end to this bizarre and hilarious novel.
Now, with that said, I'm talking about the main mystery. Not the...twist, which I so wasn't expecting! So that cheered me up a bit!
So I enjoyed the hell out of this novel overall. I've been sick and in a funk and I just needed something silly and well written and light and goofy and THIS WAS IT. There were of course things I didn't 100% love but I mean come on...the title tells you like it is...it's a f***ed up fairy tale!
March 3, 2012
You can tell by the title this isn’t your average fairy tale. Curses tells the twisted tale of RJ, a disgraced villain forced into doing good when the villain’s union puts him on leave. He’s a bad boy who can’t say no, especially to Asia, the not-so-ugly stepsister to Cinderella.
Cinderella’s been whacked by a devious bluebird and the crosstown Fairy-Second Street bus. Asia wants to know whodunit, and RJ might want to help her even if he wasn’t cursed.
"The redhead’s lips curved into a frown, which only added to her beauty. She looked like sin, the dirty kind with plenty of sweat and saliva."
Thus begins a once upon a time unlike any other. More raunchy than Shrek and just as clever. Has the bloody heart of Once Upon a Time but is much less serious. Spins fairy tale pop culture references like an enchanted Joss Whedon show. Pick up this fun, wild ride and find out what really went on when Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet.
Or, as I said in my original judge’s comments, “It’s like Shrek and Charles De Lint met for drinks, got drunk and threw up on Philip Marlowe.”
Cinderella’s been whacked by a devious bluebird and the crosstown Fairy-Second Street bus. Asia wants to know whodunit, and RJ might want to help her even if he wasn’t cursed.
"The redhead’s lips curved into a frown, which only added to her beauty. She looked like sin, the dirty kind with plenty of sweat and saliva."
Thus begins a once upon a time unlike any other. More raunchy than Shrek and just as clever. Has the bloody heart of Once Upon a Time but is much less serious. Spins fairy tale pop culture references like an enchanted Joss Whedon show. Pick up this fun, wild ride and find out what really went on when Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet.
Or, as I said in my original judge’s comments, “It’s like Shrek and Charles De Lint met for drinks, got drunk and threw up on Philip Marlowe.”
July 26, 2012
How many times can an author write the word 'villian' before it becomes an annoying noise? How many times can a main character black out before we should start worrying about brain damage?
J.A. Kazimer tried so very hard to be witty and raunchy, but I found myself rolling my eyes any time RJ and Asia were alone. The sexy scenes read like cheap Janet Evanovich, and I actually like her Stephanie Plum series. Make no mistake, the story is pretty decent, but I give this only one star because parts of it were SO BAD. If I were a freshman in high school, maybe I'd be more appreciative of Kazimer's colorful metaphors and awkward descriptions, but as a 23 year old, they seem tacky and juvenile in a way. If you're looking for a laugh and a light read, sure, Kazimer's Curses will do. I'd take Christopher Moore, or yes, even Janet Evanovich, over this gem any day. There are better laughs and better sex elsewhere.
J.A. Kazimer tried so very hard to be witty and raunchy, but I found myself rolling my eyes any time RJ and Asia were alone. The sexy scenes read like cheap Janet Evanovich, and I actually like her Stephanie Plum series. Make no mistake, the story is pretty decent, but I give this only one star because parts of it were SO BAD. If I were a freshman in high school, maybe I'd be more appreciative of Kazimer's colorful metaphors and awkward descriptions, but as a 23 year old, they seem tacky and juvenile in a way. If you're looking for a laugh and a light read, sure, Kazimer's Curses will do. I'd take Christopher Moore, or yes, even Janet Evanovich, over this gem any day. There are better laughs and better sex elsewhere.
June 13, 2014
This is not your typical fairy tale. Oh but it is hilarious. When RJ thought he ate Asia, I couldn't stop laughing. If you want a funny spin on a fairy tale, you'll enjoy this book.
July 8, 2012
RJ comes home to find a not-so-ugly-stepsister sitting in his chair, munching on his food. She has mistaken RJ for someone else, and asks him to help her uncover who killed Cinderella. RJ has no choice but to help. He is a villain, but the union took his card, and he cannot do anything villainous, but he isn’t the only one with a curse. He goes with Asia, the not-so-ugly-princess to her father’s kingdom, and to find out who killed Cinderella.
As the title suggests this is a comedy told in the eyes of RJ, a famous villain. This is a very different twist to the Cinderella story, much like when the big bad wolf claimed he was framed. Despite the fact it is packed with mentions of almost every fairy tale, and even some nursery rhymes this is a book for adults.
‘I watched in amazement as the interloper dove into my curry noodles with the gusto of Goldilocks during a bout of bulimia’
RJ starts out not really wanting to help, but because of his curse, he has no say in the matter. He is one sarcastic narrator who sees the majority of people around him as potential agonist. He soon finds himself getting caught in the cross fire with what is going on in Asia’s kingdom, and getting beat up on most of the time. He soon finds himself falling for Asia, but she may want to kill him. He goes back and forth on the topic throughout the story.
Curses! doesn’t take itself seriously, and is packed full of snarky fairy tale humor. There is a lot for RJ to uncover, and he doesn’t do a great job uncovering anything really. Reading through most of it, if asked if he is making any progress in the case at all, I might have shrugged, and said, ‘The case and characters haven’t made much logical sense.’ This fact didn’t take me from the story because the humor is funny, and I kept looking forward to seeing different fairy tale people showing up. RJ isn’t an investigator after all, but a villain, and him getting stuck with the likes of Prince Charming (who is more in love with himself than anyone else) is just hilarious. Some of the situations, and abuse RJ takes makes this reader wonder how he survived. That is one of my only complaints. Considering how much damage he took he would be in dead or in the hospital, but he just keeps on trucking it. I started to wonder if he was secretly a member of the Loony Toons.
This is a novel for fairy tale lovers who want a twist. It isn’t a retelling, but jokes around with the Cinderella story. It is above all else a very fun read, and very different. There are a few steamy scenes between Asia and RJ. The romantic subplot fit well with the story, and never took away from the story, but added to it. RJ blundered through the story trying his best to make heads or tails of anything. All-in-all if you enjoy fairy tales, and want some light comedic reading, this one is for you.
As the title suggests this is a comedy told in the eyes of RJ, a famous villain. This is a very different twist to the Cinderella story, much like when the big bad wolf claimed he was framed. Despite the fact it is packed with mentions of almost every fairy tale, and even some nursery rhymes this is a book for adults.
‘I watched in amazement as the interloper dove into my curry noodles with the gusto of Goldilocks during a bout of bulimia’
RJ starts out not really wanting to help, but because of his curse, he has no say in the matter. He is one sarcastic narrator who sees the majority of people around him as potential agonist. He soon finds himself getting caught in the cross fire with what is going on in Asia’s kingdom, and getting beat up on most of the time. He soon finds himself falling for Asia, but she may want to kill him. He goes back and forth on the topic throughout the story.
Curses! doesn’t take itself seriously, and is packed full of snarky fairy tale humor. There is a lot for RJ to uncover, and he doesn’t do a great job uncovering anything really. Reading through most of it, if asked if he is making any progress in the case at all, I might have shrugged, and said, ‘The case and characters haven’t made much logical sense.’ This fact didn’t take me from the story because the humor is funny, and I kept looking forward to seeing different fairy tale people showing up. RJ isn’t an investigator after all, but a villain, and him getting stuck with the likes of Prince Charming (who is more in love with himself than anyone else) is just hilarious. Some of the situations, and abuse RJ takes makes this reader wonder how he survived. That is one of my only complaints. Considering how much damage he took he would be in dead or in the hospital, but he just keeps on trucking it. I started to wonder if he was secretly a member of the Loony Toons.
This is a novel for fairy tale lovers who want a twist. It isn’t a retelling, but jokes around with the Cinderella story. It is above all else a very fun read, and very different. There are a few steamy scenes between Asia and RJ. The romantic subplot fit well with the story, and never took away from the story, but added to it. RJ blundered through the story trying his best to make heads or tails of anything. All-in-all if you enjoy fairy tales, and want some light comedic reading, this one is for you.
January 11, 2012
“A Mystifying Jaunt Into an Enchanted World”
If you think you know all there is to know about the Fairy Tale and Nursery Rhyme characters you loved as a child—think again!! When Cinderella is run over and killed by a bus in New Never city while trying to rescue a bluebird straying into traffic, her Step-Sister; Asia, enlists the help of villain; “R. J.”, better known as “Rumple Stiltskin” to leave no stone unturned in finding “Cindi’s” murderer. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be a problem, but R.J. is a villain, not a Private Investigator and is on mandatory mental health leave from the Villain’s Union due to villainous-related stress. Along with his leave, he receives a curse. The type of curse no self-respecting villain would relish., for he is cursed to perform only polite deeds of kindness.The investigation takes R.J. from his familiar surroundings in New Never City to the wacky Kingdom of Maledetto, complete with the King, his Queen, the other ugly Step-Sister Dru and an enchanted forest filled with familiar named characters with not-so-familiar traits. J.A. Kazimer will lead you through a maze of possibilities spiced with some violence, intrigue, sex and humor. Was Cinderella’s death an accident?? Has someone concocted an evil plot against residents of the kingdom?? The author has you guessing right up to the end. “Curses!” is a welcome change from the typical mysteries I have been reading. If you enjoy this volume as much as I have (and I bet you will!)—you’ll be happy to learn there is a sequel due out in the not-to-distant and Author Kazimer has generously included its prologue and first two chapters for you to savor. ..which I have done and can’t wait for its release so I can explore these imaginary lands once more.
**Kensington ARC** Nancy Narma
If you think you know all there is to know about the Fairy Tale and Nursery Rhyme characters you loved as a child—think again!! When Cinderella is run over and killed by a bus in New Never city while trying to rescue a bluebird straying into traffic, her Step-Sister; Asia, enlists the help of villain; “R. J.”, better known as “Rumple Stiltskin” to leave no stone unturned in finding “Cindi’s” murderer. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be a problem, but R.J. is a villain, not a Private Investigator and is on mandatory mental health leave from the Villain’s Union due to villainous-related stress. Along with his leave, he receives a curse. The type of curse no self-respecting villain would relish., for he is cursed to perform only polite deeds of kindness.The investigation takes R.J. from his familiar surroundings in New Never City to the wacky Kingdom of Maledetto, complete with the King, his Queen, the other ugly Step-Sister Dru and an enchanted forest filled with familiar named characters with not-so-familiar traits. J.A. Kazimer will lead you through a maze of possibilities spiced with some violence, intrigue, sex and humor. Was Cinderella’s death an accident?? Has someone concocted an evil plot against residents of the kingdom?? The author has you guessing right up to the end. “Curses!” is a welcome change from the typical mysteries I have been reading. If you enjoy this volume as much as I have (and I bet you will!)—you’ll be happy to learn there is a sequel due out in the not-to-distant and Author Kazimer has generously included its prologue and first two chapters for you to savor. ..which I have done and can’t wait for its release so I can explore these imaginary lands once more.
**Kensington ARC** Nancy Narma
March 13, 2012
When it comes to this book I really don’t know what to say. It started off a little rocky but I am happy that I hung with it. This book is funny taking and putting a twist on all of your childhood fairy tales in a way you didn’t think possible. The plot is a little bit of here there and everywhere as you try to figure out who is up to what and the book is a tad bit on the demented side. If you are looking for a good laugh, maybe a dumb laugh but a laugh regardless, this is your book. Who knew that the villain could too have his happy ever after? I am kind of looking forward to the second book to see what other things the author could twist.
April 30, 2013
I saw this book on Goodreads and immediately knew it would be something I would enjoy. It starts out with Cinderella being killed and her step sister going to ask a famous detective to solve the case. What she does not know is that the famous detective has moved and now a not so nice guy lives in his old apartment. Good news is he has to play nice.
To me this is one of those mysteries that is filled with snarky humor, innuendo, and is just so funny you forget that there has been a murder. It combines adult humor and suspense with fairy tales to make a book that suits sarcastic adults that also are kids at heart. I really enjoyed it and can't wait to get the next in the series.
To me this is one of those mysteries that is filled with snarky humor, innuendo, and is just so funny you forget that there has been a murder. It combines adult humor and suspense with fairy tales to make a book that suits sarcastic adults that also are kids at heart. I really enjoyed it and can't wait to get the next in the series.
May 10, 2012
The book was alright, definitely funny. It was a great twist to fairy-tale's that we all know and love. My only problem with the book is that it didn't captivate me like i would have expected. The characters were hard to get into and felt like there was a lot of rambling on and not really getting anywhere in the story.
Overall i enjoyed the book. I will never be able to read/watch Cinderella and other fairy-tale's in the same way again.
Overall i enjoyed the book. I will never be able to read/watch Cinderella and other fairy-tale's in the same way again.
July 7, 2012
Eh? 2.5 stars. Not nearly as amusing as I had hoped for. It takes a while to get into. Once you do, I guess it's an okay story. You can picture the crazy stuff going on, so I guess I have to give the author something for that. The very beginning is a little over-descriptive though. Overall, I would not read this book again. I don't think I would read another of this author's books that is of a similar nature. I'm not even sure if I would recommend this book to anyone else.
April 23, 2014
I really loved this book! As has anyone I've recomended it to! A dark twist/parody of the classical fairytale. Dark humor and a villain forced to be a hero as the "hero".
No more spoilers though! Read it! I'm forewer greatfull to the bookshop owner who tipped me of to the existence of this f**ked up fairy tale!
I hope J.A. Kazimer will write more twisted humorous fairytales!
No more spoilers though! Read it! I'm forewer greatfull to the bookshop owner who tipped me of to the existence of this f**ked up fairy tale!
I hope J.A. Kazimer will write more twisted humorous fairytales!
September 10, 2012
I'm embarrassed by how long it took me to read this book. I think it actually might have more to do with the fact that it wasn't very good so there was little incentive to pick it up to read.
The characters were not likeable, the storyline was silly, the ending was formulaic. I can't think of a redeeming quality.
The characters were not likeable, the storyline was silly, the ending was formulaic. I can't think of a redeeming quality.
June 12, 2013
Interesting take on a fairy tale. All the characters we knew as a kid grown up to be dirty minded adults. I was laughing within the first few lines. And up until the end wasn't truly sure I knew who did it.
January 11, 2012
Absolutely entertaining, incredibly clever twists on fairytales and nursery rhymes. Not for everyone, but those who appreciate campy, over the top humor and word play should like it. Pure mind candy.
December 28, 2013
Just read the first few pages with the Google Preview. I want this book!
update-finally read this book and ended up disappointed....got old real fast and the ending was messy and forced.
update-finally read this book and ended up disappointed....got old real fast and the ending was messy and forced.
May 7, 2012
Hm.. This book is exactly like "Shrek". But if "Shrek" is fun, this one is creepy, with not very funny 12 year old boy’s humor. Not for me.
August 10, 2012
Just...bad. Sophomoric, poorly characterized, and with indiscernible action. I can't think of a negative adjective that doesn't apply.
June 17, 2015
3.5 stars. Review to come.
May 3, 2013
This book was very 'pun'ny. It had me laughing quite a lot.
March 8, 2023
Warning: this book is NOT appropriate for under 18s.
This book was a unique mashup of fairy tales mixed with mystery and some romance. There were moments that were hilarious and moments that were sad, and a few surprisingly deep moments as well.
I did find it really interesting that the main character is not named until way into the story, which just adds to the mystery.
I loved the whole villain perspective but that the villain is literally forced to be good because he wasn't bad enough... that whole concept was so different from the usual idea of bad guy turned good.
The romance part was a bit meh but okay in that it wasn't a dominant part of the story, but assisted in the main character's motivation throughout.
Solid 8/10 book. I would encourage people who enjoy variations on fairy tales to read this one.
This book was a unique mashup of fairy tales mixed with mystery and some romance. There were moments that were hilarious and moments that were sad, and a few surprisingly deep moments as well.
I did find it really interesting that the main character is not named until way into the story, which just adds to the mystery.
I loved the whole villain perspective but that the villain is literally forced to be good because he wasn't bad enough... that whole concept was so different from the usual idea of bad guy turned good.
The romance part was a bit meh but okay in that it wasn't a dominant part of the story, but assisted in the main character's motivation throughout.
Solid 8/10 book. I would encourage people who enjoy variations on fairy tales to read this one.
June 22, 2020
Not your ancestors fairytale
One of the definitions of impotent:unable to take effective action; helpless or powerless. Keep that in mind while reading the story, because my mind consistently wanted to think of the other definition. Ah, whoa is me! Full of twists, turns, and unexpected plot, this story is a good read for a laugh. The Audible accompanied the book smoothly and added to the humor!
One of the definitions of impotent:unable to take effective action; helpless or powerless. Keep that in mind while reading the story, because my mind consistently wanted to think of the other definition. Ah, whoa is me! Full of twists, turns, and unexpected plot, this story is a good read for a laugh. The Audible accompanied the book smoothly and added to the humor!
September 11, 2023
Not a fan, honestly. Made it about halfway through the book before finally putting it down. It's not that the plot was terrible -- in fact I found it quite an entertaining concept -- but the sleaze factor on the main character was way overdone, to the point of it pulling me out of the story.
Yeah, we get that it's supposed to be a 'f-ed up' fairytale, but you can achieve the same thing without objectifying women every other paragraph.
Yeah, we get that it's supposed to be a 'f-ed up' fairytale, but you can achieve the same thing without objectifying women every other paragraph.
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