狗屁倒灶: 從嗑藥少年到單口喜劇野獸，喬伊．狄亞茲在悲劇人生提煉出的極限反轉

by Joey "Coco" Diaz, 朱家鴻 (Translator)

＊全美最大巴諾連鎖書店年度精選，最值得一讀的幽默傳記
＊亞馬遜4.9顆星壓倒性好評，上千名讀者噴笑又感動落淚
＊上市即登上《華爾街日報》暢銷排行榜
＊《紐約時報》、《出版者周刊》暢銷書

喬伊．迪亞茲被全球最知名播客主持人Joe Rogan 譽為「地表最搞笑的人」。
這位喜劇泰斗有著近百萬訂閱的Youtube頻道，累計播放量超過一億次！
然而，舞臺上歡笑的背後，隱藏著他在荒誕不羈人生中無數次的悲劇彩排。

邊緣人／混混／綁架犯／藥頭
所有你想得到的事，喬伊幾乎都做過（甚至更多）！

電影明星／顧家好男人／單口喜劇傳奇
所有你曾遇到的困難，喬伊也都經歷過（甚至更慘）！

喬伊出生於古巴，三歲時隨著家人來到美國。
他在青少年時期成為孤兒，並因生計被迫冒險販毒、搶劫、偷竊，
開始了荒唐的犯罪生涯，最後甚至因綁架入獄。

移民、單親（到無親）、貧窮、毒癮──似乎所有人生的debuff都蒐集了；
喬伊是如何從谷底翻身，躍上好萊塢單口喜劇舞臺？

「要徹底告別荒唐的過去，找到值得全力以赴的目標，才是改變的關鍵。」
喬伊在書中分享了從社會底層邊緣人一路奮鬥的體悟，而他更想告訴你：
即使有著超慘開局也能找到人生目標，實現命運神反轉！

現在，史上最會說故事的單口喜劇演員，已經準備好了一卡車笑料，
將毫不保留的揭露自己走上人生正途的爆笑故事，
讓你享受一場能一再回味的stand-up comedy！

＊特別警語：本書充滿粗口、真實且搞笑，可能不適合膽小（或是沒有在公園睡過）的人觀賞＊

我原本是個好孩子。
但在人生的某個時刻，我迷失了方向。
當年少時遭遇創傷，你會停滯不前好幾年。
當父母親去世時，你會沉浸在震驚中。
你無法順利的長大成人，直到那件創傷的真相浮現眼前。
在人生的某個時刻，我偏離了正軌。為此我深感懊悔。

＊我的童年，要拼才會贏
請不要誤會，老媽不是讓我的童年過得如此荒誕的主因，她只是其中一員而已。
在那個年代，打架是再正常不過的事，孩子只要一有機會就會毫不猶豫和人起肢體衝突。就算，對方是修女也一樣……

＊為什麼悲劇主角是我？
我親眼看見老媽死在廚房，也親眼看見她的屍體躺在棺材中，
甚至目睹了眾人將她下葬，但此刻的我就是不願相信這一切都是真的。
「我只是希望你能長大，成為一個男子漢。」那時，我的耳邊一直響起老媽說過的這句話。

＊正直善良的我，在用大麻和LSD
我們從來都不覺得自己的行為是犯罪，我們不是在偷東西，
只是在賺點黑心錢而已；我們也經常目睹家人幹這些事情。
最重要的是，賺這些錢的過程其實還蠻有趣的……

＊我終於明白：一切的前提是你必須先付出
二十六歲生日前夕，我告別了監獄，
我在想，我的人生中有沒有值得自己全力以赴的事物？
可以讓我徹底遠離毒品和犯罪，並帶領我走向幸福的坦途。

＊一份值得熱愛的工作……在哪裡？
我得跟你們說一句實話，
這種狀態遠比任何毒品帶來的快感爽，也比所有違法犯紀的行為更刺激。
在踏上舞臺的那一刻，我就知道自己找到人生的歸屬感了。

＊喬伊叔叔溫馨提醒＊
這是我的屌爆人生大事記，我建議你效仿我的行為，
不要缺席，繼續埋頭苦幹（但幹的必須是好事）！
把我當成你的人生楷模（吸毒跟搶劫的部分請先不要）盡力實現自己的夢想！
ps：大麻不算毒品

在我決定要透過喜劇扭轉人生那一刻起，我就沒有缺席過任何一場表演機會。
即便生活不穩定，我依舊日復一日、夜復一夜的登臺、搞砸、練習、專注。
我的人生前半場差點就毀在埋頭苦幹（幹壞事）上，
但到了最後，我也是因為埋頭苦幹得到救贖。

　　如果你的人生一帆風順，讀這本書單純只是想找點樂子，我覺得完全OK，恁爸有一卡車笑料可以與你分享。
　　我的人生沒有冷場時刻，希望你們會喜歡這本書！

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Comedy, Audiobook, Memoir, Autobiography, Humor

Published November 1, 2024

Reviews

[Kevin · Rating 5 out of 5]

if your cool uncle told his life story via text message

[Zandt McCue · Rating 5 out of 5]

My coworker played a Joey Diaz routine on youtube the other day. It was a bit about having to retake a school year and then finding his Mother dead. I was mesmerized by it. I can't tell you when I first heard about Diaz. I'd probably seen either standup or other stuff he was in years ago. He's never been a go-to comedian for me. But after this youtube segment, when I saw he had written a book I knew I had to get it. He's one of those guys who tells stories that make you want to know more.

Joey Diaz is not your friendly comedian. Let me get that out of the way. You are not going to have something similar to, let's say for instance Iliza Shlesinger's book. Or god forbid you go into this thinking all comedians are like Ellen. If you do pick this up, you're probably already a Joey Diaz fan so you'll get the roughness right away. I knew he was a tough guy but didn't realize how much criminal activity he committed. And you know what, I don't even fault him.

I flew through this book. The way he tells stories, as I said above, makes you want to keep going. I never once felt bored. I will even admit that one moment in the book truly had me laugh out loud. It was the Matthew McConaughey and Ralphie May story.

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a comedian's autobiography but make no mistake what you're in for: brutal, darkly funny, and at times heartbreaking stories that are impossible to put down. I plowed through the audiobook in nearly a single sitting.

Get the audiobook narrated by the man himself. You're in for a treat.

[Jake Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook.

This was phenomenal. I'm not a huge Joey Diaz fan. I've heard some of his standup. I've seen clips from podcasts. I saw him live once. I think he's funny, but his style of comedy is not for me.

But this book was a 10/10. He has had a wild life. Some stories were funny. Some were gutwrenching. Most of them were completely unbelievable. He's honest about his failed marriage, his cocaine addiction, his struggles with fatherhood, etc. I think that is my favorite part of this memoir - it's so raw.

His life as a kid in NYC in the 60s and 70s was fascinating. I learned more about the world of crime in NYC than I expected. And his experience as a Cuban immigrant was insightful.

I would not recommend reading this book; you should listen to it. The audiobook has to be better. The narrative style is very authentic. So, tons of profanity. I think reading it would be difficult for that reason. The number of curse words would legitimately be distracting. But hearing Joey narrate his life story was very powerful.

I enjoyed this one far more than I expected!

[Marcus H. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Joey's been through a lot and he finally wrote his story down!

[Marii]

This was a fun read I always recommend listening to memoirs like this that are narrator by the author because it sounds like you're just chatting with a friend or listening to a podcast.
If you're a fan of Joey obviously this is for you. He does an incredible job at weaving all theses stories together in a flawless way while also never letting you lose sight of the purpose of each story. Each part depicted of Joey's life has a clean beginning middle and end with a over arching message. I do wish we got more closure on a few things but this is obviously some ones life not a work of fiction and its bound to have a few lose ends. Overall I enjoyed this. Joey is like my crazy Cuban uncle that I can just sit down and listen talk about his life for hours.
Again I do not rate non-fictions but this was great and I would recommend to any Joey fan wanting further insight into Joey's life. Even if you're not a fan of stand-up this under-dog story is amazing.
Check TW for drug use, death, violence and more just incase!

[Conor O'Shea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fucking tremendous

[Wynne Vandersall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although I forgot to put this one into my goodreads back in October, Tremendous by Joey 'Coco' Diaz is far from forgettable. My coworker and best friend Sam lent it to me and I returned it to him after only a day and a half spent high on page-turning ecstacy.

Sam summed up the memoir perfectly in his both eloquent and amusing review. He writes, "As someone who's tried some of the best cocaine you can find in Iowa, let me tell you this book is 10x more addictive. Tremendous truly lives up to its name: the rollercoaster life of a coke head turned stand up comedian driven by the hustle is truly an inspiring tale, filled with highs and lows and everything in between. This book will make you want to do a line of blow, call your mother, try an amateur night at the comedy club. This was quite the 'goodread'. Well done Joey Diaz! 5/5"

Indeed, Diaz writes vivid and fluid chapters and is able to bring us through the hard shit in his past without it becoming one big sob story. On the contrary, one is left with an overwhelming desire to "hustle" for their dreams and aspirations and to turn one's talent and drive toward the good of family, friends, and community.

For me, it will always be one of those books that fell into my hands at the perfect time (thanks Sam!) and inspired me to dig deeper into the well of resources already within me and take action. I heartily agree, well done Joey Diaz!

[Carrington Hill · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you know anything about Joey Diaz, then you know he’s lived a crazy life. This book did a good job detailing his early childhood, and how he became who he is today. Many of the stories are sad, some are crazy and others are hilarious, but I’ve never read a story where someone has failed messed up more than this guy, but he ultimately was able to change his life and that’s a beautiful thing. and the best part is that he narrated the audiobook, so you know it’s hilarious! Overall great book if you wanted to read this, I’d say watch his podcast first he’s not everyone’s cuppa tea

[Tyler Philips · Rating 5 out of 5]

All signs pointed to your life ending in tragedy, but you found your way. Thank you for sharing your story, it was brutal and raw not unlike your comedy.

[George · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting, sad, depressing autobiography of the author’s eventful life up until the age of 60. Joey was born in Havana, Cuba and his family emigrated to New York. His father died when Joey Diaz was 3 years old. His mother unexpectedly died at the age of 48. Joey Diaz was 16 years old when he discovered his mother lying dead in her home. Joey grew up in a neighborhood where he learned to be streetwise very early. He held a gun when he was six year old. His mother was Cuban.

Joey learned about sex early and stealing items became second nature to him. He was a drug addict and trafficker through his teen years up until he was 45 years old. He had a cocaine habit for thirty years.

He served 16 momths in prison in 1988 for kidnapping and robbery. In prison he discovered he had a talent for being a comedian. He became a very successful stand up comedian and gained roles in prominent movies. His first marriage failed. He eventually lost custody of his first daughter.

Later he married and has been married for 22 years and has a ten year old daughter.

The writing style is very matter of fact and dialogue like. Readers interested in Joey Diaz will find this book a very worthwhile, satisfying reading experience.

This book was first published in 2023.

[Tim Verbergt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing story by an amazing comic qnd human being. I only wish it was longer c*cksucka!

[Jared Hale · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’re not familiar with Joey Diaz, he’s a standup comedian who has lived a life unlike anything you have ever heard. Nobody has stories like Joey Diaz and I have been listening to them for years. I couldn’t wait to read this book and it didn’t disappoint. His life is fascinating and his ability to overcome everything life has thrown at him is incredible. If you’re a fan of Uncle Joey and his insane stories, then you will love this book.

[Kevin Fernandez · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve probably listened to well over 100 hours of Joey Diaz podcasts and his book reads just the same. It was nice to hear old stories and new ones along with background for some of the legendary stories he’s told throughout his career.

I read this hardcover and listened to the audiobook , if you really love uncle Joey, your listening on audible. (Put to 1.05 speed to have his actual speaking cadence)

[Zakary Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow… I’ve been a follower of Joey’s ever since I saw him on “This Is Not Happening” and have kept up with him ever since. So many podcasts with Joe Rogan, Alex Jones, Lee Syatt, and more.

Through all of his stories he has told I felt like I knew his upbringing and the type of man he is. This book really got me to see what his upbringing and middle age was like. Feelings of sadness came up hearing about his upbringing and how that led him to make many mistakes in his life, at times he was set up for failure.

Going into his 20s-40s, having a struggling addition to drugs and partying must have been beyond difficult to cope with. Every day trying to quit but you can’t stop, even when you do you’ll relapse and go right back in. A struggling comedian/actor trying to make it big, getting his act together. What really resonated with me was his aspirations. Writing down who he wanted to perform with, what his goals were, where he wanted to perform, all the while keeping himself positive to getting to that point with all the bullshit. Truly inspirational.

Thank you to Joey for making comedy a better place. I can remember being in my room and stumbling across his videos and laughing so hard I watched his stories three times in a row because I couldn’t get enough. It reminded me of the guys that would be around my dad, maybe in a sense I can see a bit of my dad in the comedy. Stories that are so crazy your jaw drops and you laugh so hard you’re crying and can’t breathe. Blue collar humor, someone who’s faced adversity, it feels just to have a man like that make it into comedy. It gives me hope for the average guy, who had shit handed to them one day after another and had that hustle in them to make it.

The art of storytelling is really where I think Joey succeeds. A man who took his upbringing by the balls and was able to gain a huge following. If someone were to ask me who Joey Diaz is, there is one word that comes to mind: genuine.

[Ville Verkkapuro · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love good memoirs. Especially when they are actually open, like this is. Telling the most terrible things of ones life. Like truly fucking horrible things. Because this is how you learn, as an individual and as a collective. This is how you see how second changes works, how to build an arch, how to recover. The honesty is so important. It's so important to see the background for behaviours, the way out, to see that all of us fuck up and there's a way to become a good citizen of the world, helping people to cope with the burden of sheer existence.

I enjoyed the first part of this book immensely. Diaz had a heartbreaking childhood, losing both of his parents. So much cigarette smoke, booze and cocaine, a complete chaos. Yet still so much love, in a setting so honest and pure, I truly felt it. I know this world, parts of it. And it was so well-written, filling all missing details with prose. And the way Diaz still says things hurt, that's powerful. The death of his mother. I was reading that with my lower lip quivering.

A really good one which you'll get through pretty quickly, too. And will never forget.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

“My life was comedy, cocaine, and Coca-Cola.”

Rating: 5/5

“My advice to you is to do the same. Just keep showing up. Just keep hustling, and doing it with the right intentions. Go ahead and take a leaf out of my book (besides the hard drugs and robberies, let’s say), and make shit happen!”

“There I was, thinking I knew so much about sex, only to find myself without it—and in a real shit situation at that. While I’d been caught up happily humping the school year away, my grades had completely gone to shit, and I found out I needed to do summer school if I stood a chance of moving on to the eighth grade that next year. But when I fucked up summer school, too, crying over Nikki, I officially had to redo seventh grade. I knew my mom would fucking lose her mind, so I vowed to never let her know I’d gotten left back, no matter what it took. (Like, I knew a girl whose father owned a print shop, and she would help me forge my report cards to say I was in the eighth grade. Then, the following year, I’d leave the house every morning and start walking towards the high school before looping back to the middle school, so my mom had no reason to question a thing.)
Meanwhile, I had learned one new, important thing about the birds and the bees: women have the power to take a motherfucker down.”

“You’re just so beautiful,” she said, petting my mom’s hair. “What am I going to do? You’re a sister to me. How could you have left me like this?”
She was sobbing, “The world isn’t going to be the same without you.”
I stood there listening to her, realizing that what my mom and Zoraida had was the true definition of friendship. Even after my mom’s death, Zoraida was proving to be a best friend, checking people throughout the wake who my mom didn’t like or get along with, and quietly watching from the corner, doing a bump out of her bra every once in a while, all while making sure the wake was exactly what my mom would have wanted in every way.
“I’m going to make you a promise,” she said at the casket. “I’m going to make sure your son grows up to be a man. I’m going to take care of him. I’m going to love him as much as you did.”
Then, she did a bump right there at the casket.
“I’d offer you some, but . . .” she shrugged, and her tears turned to laughter.”

“When they called my name, I got up onstage, took a deep breath, and . . . “What’s up, you bad motherfuckers!”
I couldn’t tell you what I said, exactly. It doesn’t really matter, because all I remember is hearing laughs coming from everywhere in the room. These people were laughing at my jokes. Getting offstage, I was even more sure that this was what I wanted to do with my life. All that nervousness had turned to pure fucking joy.
After my set, the club owner—a guy named Ed Nichols—and a bunch of other comics came up to me.
“That was great,” Ed said. “Your stage presence is fucking brilliant. Was that really your first time doing stand-up?”
“It was, yeah,” I said, in disbelief of how well it had gone. My head was buzzing. I was filled with adrenaline, I could barely think. But I’ll tell you the truth—it was better than any drug, any rush I’d had in my crazy-ass life. I knew right away that when I was onstage, I was home.
“You’re going to come back, right?” he asked.
“Fuck yeah, I’ll be back.”

“Instead of going home and celebrating with a ton of booze and drugs as I otherwise would have, I went home and let my mind soberly absorb it all. I had to put everything I had into this. That night I pulled out a few books I had on comedy and, from then on—in addition to all my other efforts—I started reading everything I could on stand-up.
Comedy was going to be the thing to keep me alive, even in times I’d be holding on by a thread.”

“When Kathy and I got to Comedy Works, I looked around the room to see what I was up against. There were like twenty or thirty people there maybe, which . . . fuck . . . that wasn’t a ton, but I’d never been so nervous in my entire life. I was pacing, sweating, cursing; I knew I needed to get past this first set if I wanted any chance at this. Lots of people talk about wanting to be a comic, but then they let this very moment stop them because they’re scared. I couldn’t let that be me.”

“I tried my hardest to stay positive. Every night I’d write down my comedy goals to wish it all into existence. This included people I wanted to eventually perform with, like Doug Stanhope and Rick Ducommun. There was one comedy newspaper called Just For Laughs that would feature all of the top clubs in the country, and I’d go through it every night and circle clubs I wanted to perform at, like The Comedy Store in Los Angeles. It was the home of the greats. I wanted to be onstage there more than I wanted to fucking breathe.
”

“The way I saw it, I just needed to keep showing up, and keep showing up, and eventually somebody would notice. And somebody did.”

“I heard a rumor if you do heroin two or three days in a row, you get addicted, so I decided to only snort it on Mondays.”

“Once I was able to quit cocaine for good, I started to change other parts of my life for the better, too. I got into the gym, started Weight Watchers, and over time dropped nearly a hundred and fifty pounds. I also managed to reconnect with my Uncle Lazaro. I was out in Malibu on an audition and stopped to eat a sandwich on the rocks looking out at the ocean when it hit me: I’d been to the exact spot with Uncle Lazaro when I was a kid. I decided to call him.”

“I’d built myself a comedy career out of nothing, had dozens of acting gigs under my belt—working with some of the top names in the industry—and built a family of loyal fans. People were recognizing me on the street, asking for my autograph, and wanting to take pictures with me. I’d made it, and on my own terms. Best of all, I’d married the love of my life, brought an amazing kid into the world, and started a real home.
Truth be told, I was proud of myself. And I knew I’d become a version of myself that my mother could be proud of, too. That felt fucking tremendous.
And that, my friends, is the story of your Uncle Joey.”

[Shayan Nomani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read, difficult to understand.
This books gives you a peep into the enigmatic brain that is Joey Diaz. I would say I read this book but its more like I inhaled it like that savage inhales out of a bong. The book goes thru the life of Coco, tackling the hardest topics like addiction, death, prison, and redemption with the authentic, real, and down to earth voice of a man who has lived many lives. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is into comedy and standup.
Enjoy it, cocksucka

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tremendous is an understatement

Joey "Coco" Diaz has led a tremendously interesting life from his Cuban heritage, up-bringing and comming of age in late 70s early 80s New York/New Jersey to his troubled adulthood and successful comedy career. With a unique view and voice Uncle Joey's recalls with astounding detail, colour and savage honesty his thoughts, feelings and motivations throughout his journey in life. The audio book is beautifully read by Joey himself and I look forward to getting my print version.

[Chandra Marcoux · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't have much to say, certainly not any poignant, about this book. If you are familiar Joey Diaz, this memoir is exactly what you'd expect. If you aren't familiar with Joey Diaz, he is an ex-convict, ex-mobster, and current-very-dirty stand-up comic. You should probably know from that if this is something you would care to read or not. I thought it was entertaining enough and interesting enough for what it was.

[Ricardo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Joey “CoCo” Diaz is my favorite stand-up comedian and his book was really enjoyable, if you know him and think you know all of his stories, think again! It’s great to see him where he is after his rollercoaster of a life, tremendous read!

[Blake Behrens]

Not gonna lie, it’s good as far as the “memoir of a dirtbag” genre goes, but I also found myself kind of grossed out by everything this man got popular for saying and it left me just kind of sad for the type.

[readbysledge (Brandi)]

Memoir= No rating

Thoroughly enjoyed this one. What a fucking life!

[Tim Schannauer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Joey Diaz and have been in a reading funk for some time now. This memoir is exactly what I needed to get me back into reading. “I came back to Jersey a man”

[Brody Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book I have ever listened to hands down

[Dara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I felt every emotion possible and laughed along the way. The tone is authentic and made this such a fun read!

[•Kaitlin T • · Rating 5 out of 5]

Phenomenal. 1000/10. Love Joey

[Michael Lombardi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Joey Diaz is one of a kind. He's had a sad, chaotic and hilarious life, but managed to make it to the other side. Love that the book is basically just him talking and not doctored up.

[pee-bee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Joey is a great orator, in his determinedly crass way. Bit of a tragic tale, told with his usual sense of comedy, and wit; it was interesting learning more about his background after mostly knowing of him through The Church of What's Happening Now.

"Tremendous" was an easy, fun listen and was made so much better since it was narrated by Joey himself.

[Tony Rodriguez · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book that got me back into reading. Tremendous no pun intended. The stories of trials and tribulations this man had to go through to accomplish his dreams are nothing short of inspiring and compelling. Being a fan of his and his comedy, this book gives you a raw, and unfiltered look at what it looks like to go from nothing to something. Tremendous.