She's Under Here

by Karen Palmer

“Once upon a time, I disappeared.” So begins Karen Palmer’s harrowing and redemptive memoir, She’s Under Here.
 
In 1989, shortly after her second marriage, Palmer and her new husband quit their jobs without notice. They pulled her two young daughters out of school and buckled them into the rear seat of a used car purchased with cash. The trunk was packed with clothing and toys, pillows and blankets, four place settings, one pot, one pan, and a sack that contained every penny they had. Living with the fear of Palmer’s dangerous ex-husband had become This was DIY witness protection.
 
In this searingly honest and heartwrenching account, Palmer examines why she ended up trapped, how she escaped, and the ongoing perils of life constructed around a false identity. She ruthlessly explores the lines between desire and fear, victim and perpetrator, captivity and freedom, and exposes myriad aspects of what it means to make difficult choices as a woman, when none of the options are good. She’s Under Here is a haunting meditation on themes of disappearance, betrayal, and private violence, and it is utterly unforgettable.
 

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Biography, Biography Memoir

256 pages, Hardcover

Published September 16, 2025

Reviews

[Sihle 🪻🌸🌷🌼🌝 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Angela Davis talks about abolition vs. carceral feminism, and honestly, after finishing She’s Under Here, it reminded me exactly why I agree with her. Carceral feminism is just another wave of white feminism pretending to be radical🙄; because it’s pushing for policing, prisons, and punishment as the “solution” to GBV, when those systems have never protected marginalised people in the first place. They strengthen racist institutions, they prioritise punishment over prevention, and they refuse to deal with the actual roots of violence.

And honestly, asking for help or trying to report someone who’s abusing you? It feels like giving them more ammunition. You quickly realise how much more protected they are by the system than you are. Matter of fact, the only victim the police seem to fully acknowledge is one who’s already dead. So how are we supposed to protest and beg for these systems to do more when the truth is, they never will?

I kept thinking about Jodi Bieber's photography series Women Who Have Murdered Their Husbands. Those photos shook me. These women,who acted out of self-defence, out of survival, spent years behind bars. Not because the system couldn't protect them, but because it wouldn't. And that realisation that prison might've been the safest they'd ever felt? That messed me up. That says everything about the world we live in and the way we treat women who survive the "wrong" way.

And then people go on to ask, why did she not report it?
This is the only question that demonstrates why victims do not. The abuse is not only hitting but mental. It is panic, loneliness, financial reliance, manipulation, self-blame, and teaching you time and time again that no one will listen to you. Victims do not remain in that way they would like to remain because they are cornered, mentally and emotionally, and because they often find it worse to speak out.

Heavy, honest, and painfully aligned with the reality so many people live through. It didn’t just make me think; it made me angry in a way that felt necessary.

[Books_the_Magical_Fruit · Rating 4 out of 5]

Palmer definitely has writing talent and a beautiful way with words. Her account of fleeing her ex-husband with her two daughters and new husband is a terrifying testament of domestic abuse and how it can engender violence of the worst kind. It’s almost a certainty that her ex-husband, Gil, would have murdered her if she hadn’t gone on the run. I’ll never understand why some people will lay waste to everything in order to hurt the one they used to love the most.

Interspersed with accounts of Palmer’s time with Gil are various other events in the author’s life. Some of them flow fine, but there is a real continuity issue here. Many of the events jump around in time and don’t make sense, often making for a confusing read.

I am glad I read this, and I think accounts of domestic abuse are extremely important, in the hopes that someone going through something similar can pick up this book and find the strength to break free from their abuser. Thus, although this gets a 3.5 from me, I’m rounding it up to a 4.

Thank you to NetGalley and Algonquin Books for an arc in exchange for my honest opinion.




SPOILERS BELOW:

I wanted to take her mother by the shoulders and shake her, and, at times, shake the author herself. Her mother put them in danger by insisting that they attend a public birthday party in the gated community where she lived, and her mom paraded them around, introducing everyone. WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?!? And then a package from her mom’s neighbor is delivered to their new home…now both the neighbor and her mother have their new address. There is a very good reason why, if you’re placed in the Witness Protection Program, you absolutely must cut off everyone and everything from your former life. The author also makes a few attempts to walk right by where she might have encountered Gil. She and her family are *extremely* lucky that Gil never found them. If he was intent on stalking them, he would’ve staked out the mother’s community, or paid a neighbor to spy on the home, and it would’ve led him right to Boulder. I’m not trying to berate or anything—I know this case is extremely complicated, and of course you want to see your extended family—but my goodness, my heart was in my mouth every time Palmer made contact with her mom. Even the calling from a payphone near her new house would have led Gil to them, if he had dug deeply enough into phone records, and heaven knows he had a lot of shady connections. I’m SO glad Gil gave up, and that the Palmer family was and is safe from him.

Side note: the author and I share the same birth name, which has an unusual spelling, and it was a unique experience to read my name throughout the book. I only know of a handful of others with the same name/spelling.

[inês · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to Hachette Audio, Karen Palmer and Netgalley for providing me an eARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

Firstly, I would like to say that having the author narrate her story made it all the better. I really appreciated her somber timbre and the emotions that clearly she was battling by reading her memoir aloud. It made for a haunting audiobook experience and would heavily recommend audio enthusiasts to experience the book in this format.

The writing is beautiful and intentional. Palmer's voice is not overly flowery, and there are no unnecessary words in this book. She's got a gift when it comes to turns of phrases that cut deep, setting up the scene in a way that puts the reader/listener right in the room with her. There were multiple times throughout the book, I had to hit pause and just let her words sink in.

This is not a lighthearted story, but rather a very raw account about abuse and domestic violence. Her desperation to get out of the situation alive without losing her daughters leading to a very sudden escape. And yet even after moving towns, changing her name (and her childrens'), the damage is done because peace evades Palmer. She's constantly afraid her ex-husband will eventually find her and make her pay for daring to leave him.

She recounts how she got embroiled with this abusive man, and with hindsight is capable of pointing out all the red flags. Her frustration for not leaving him earlier is probably going to resonate with readers who felt similarly trapped. I sympathized so much for her past self though, and hope that with time Palmer can accept that she did what best she could with the limited tools she had. A system that is incapable of helping women (quite the opposite) is more to blame than her passivity (or that of any woman).

The ending felt like closure and I really appreciate the research Palmer presented us with. I think this could be a powerful book and help a lot of similarly trapped people. In the right hands, this could provide hope and courage.

[Laura Donovan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most terrifying memoirs I’ve ever read. The abusive husband is so profoundly evil, he wouldn’t be believable in fiction. He haunts the pages of this book, and one of the horrors he inflicted upon the author is so cruel, I gasped reading about it. I’m happy the author got away from him, because I really believe he would have killed her and the girls had she stayed. Sadly, that’s the fate of many women. This is an important book with the potential to save lives.

[emily *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir was absolutely compelling in every aspect. Karen shares her life as she escaped her abusive husband with their two daughters to start a new life under new identities. This book was so intense and heavy but the way she tells her story I couldn't put it down. Karen has a true talent for storytelling- I felt every single emotion in this book.

thank you to the publishers and netgalley for the ARC!

[Cristina Vanalstine · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don’t love rating memoirs because it’s not my place to judge someone’s life by any measure. So this review isn’t about the author’s story, which I do think is powerful and scary and all too real for so many women. My review is based on the writing, and the storytelling, which both were not my cup of tea.

She teaches writing, and I do think she’s a skilled writer, but sometimes so overly descriptive that it read super clunky. You don’t need 3 adjectives per sentence just to sound poetic. We don’t need to embellish or describe every single noun. It got very tedious. I then chose to listen to the memoir and it did make it better, but the way she reads her own words will put you to sleep. So it wasn’t a great listening or reading experience for me unfortunately.

Then if we talk about the timeline and pacing…it’s a bit of a confusing mess. We jump around to different times at odd times, she tells us various stories that don’t add anything to her own story, and often meander into cultural events that take so long to describe that I was feeling frustrated. I also found myself increasingly frustrated with her thought process on things, the actions she’d take surrounding her daughters and safety, and just couldn’t fully understand a lot of her perspective.

I wish this had worked for me because I do think she’s had a heck of a life.

[Lydia M · Rating 5 out of 5]

5/5⭐️ via audiobook

“Once upon a time, I disappeared." “In 1989, shortly after her
second marriage, Palmer and her new husband quit their jobs without notice. They pulled her two young daughters out of school and buckled them into the rear seat of a used car purchased with cash. .. Living with the fear of Palmer's dangerous ex-husband had become the DIY witness protection.”

First of all, check your triggers as this is not a happy story. In this memoir, Palmer shares how she escaped an abusive ex husband with her two daughters. It is truly a scary story, where if she didn’t leave - her ex husband most likely would have killed her.

I want to mention that the author did a great job reading her story.

Thank you NetGalley and @HachetteAudio for this ARC in exchange for an honest review!

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
What an incredible story! This book is unlike any I've read before.
It's suspenseful and scary but also shows the power of true love and the lengths people will go to protect their family.

[Emma Bayles]

I feel weird rating really heavy memoirs like this, but this was striking. Hauntingly well written

[blake · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every memoir is a feat in vulnerability, but there are certain memoirs that are so raw that the wounds bleed right through the page. There are multiple moments in this that reach that level. There’s a pulse of danger, of survival, of grief. The prose carries the heaviness of what can’t be undone, but also the fragile grace of what it means to live on after the unimaginable. Palmer’s story is a display of remarkable resilience and it’s an immense privilege bearing witness to it.

———————————————————————————

“Disappearing gave me my life. Mother, daughter, wife; coward, hero, criminal. I did what I had to do, I would do it again.”

[William (Bill) Fluke · Rating 2 out of 5]

A memoir about a woman’s domestic abuse. Karen Palmer’s husband Gil kidnaps their 3 year old daughter after Palmer divorces him and is in a relationship with another man-Vinnie. I give the book a poor rating due to Palmer’s writing style. She goes all over the place and inserts stories/events that have nothing to do with her storyline. One minute she is writing about being on the run from Gil, the next she is back in her childhood home. Very disorganized. What’s ironic is that Palmer teaches and workshops on the topic of novel writing. I am not sure why this book has such strong ratings.

[Madge · Rating 5 out of 5]

She's Under Here, A Love Story, A Horror Story , A Reckoning. A hard memoir to read but, knowing it was all true makes one appreciate their life, if not under duress or abuse.

[Angeline Gaynor · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to love this book and that is just not the case but I also didnt hate it either 😉 In the beginning, I didnt even like the main character which made it hard to listen to. There was a children's storybook and atleast three other lengthy side stories that had nothing to do with the story, just filling up paper so she could make an unnecessary comparison. That being said, the author is a very good writer and does it in such a brutally honest way that holds your attention as she tells the horror she, her two daughters and new husband endure at the hands of her first husband and the great lengths they went through to survive.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was intrigued by the premise, and Karen Palmer delivered. With rich, yet understated prose, she details the harrowing journey from pregnant teen forced to give her child up for adoption, to mother of two on the run from her abusive ex-husband.

It’s absolutely fascinating and so hard to put down. Each vignette is startling in its emotional resonance and sharpness of observation. Palmer is a fantastic writer when she knows what she wants to say.

As with all memoirs, I felt there were some parts of her life that she could’ve delved into more. Her parents’ relationship. How she and her ex went from dating (when she was 17 and he 36 - disgusting) to married in just a few years. How he kept her isolated from friends and family (we get precious little anecdotes about that). How the family dealt with false identities for 12 years. And at first, I was disappointed at how quickly and shallowly she introduced some of her major life-shaping events (her first pregnancy; meeting the man she’d eventually leave her husband for; her daughter getting kidnapped for 9 days). But she does go into great detail about her relationship with her abusive ex, told in flashbacks with alternating chapters from the “present,” i.e. the life she escaped to in Boulder with hidden identities for herself, her children and new husband.

I agree with some other readers too that she could’ve told the story more chronologically. For me, her entire life is fascinating and I didn’t necessarily think we needed to start with the “hook” of her running away from her violent ex and assuming fake identities. But I understand that for the author, this is the action that defined her life. You can tell she still struggles with guilt: was she abused enough to leave? Was it fair to take her children from their father? Is she really the villain?

To this I say, the book stands as testament that she did what she had to do to survive. As a law enforcement officer tells her years later, her ex probably would’ve killed her or someone in her family. I hope she has absolved herself, because she saved herself & her family.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This illuminating memoir recounts the author's journey of escaping an abusive marriage by changing her identity and disappearing overnight with her children and new husband. She grapples with the lifelong consequences of that decision and finds herself drawn back into the gravity of a relationship she believed she had left behind. The narrative delves into her memories, revealing a raw and often unsettling exploration of the electric love she once felt, the lingering anger, and the haunting question of what it truly means to survive someone who once defined her.

In this psychological literary novel, the author confronts grief and the reckoning that follows the shocking death of her ex-husband. It tells the story of how a woman faces the painful history of a marriage that ended long before tragedy struck, and how memory, guilt, and loss intertwine in both tender and brutal ways. With fearless emotional honesty, Palmer captures the complex nature of mourning—illustrating how guilt, relief, and longing can coexist. This book offers a profound portrait of reckoning and redemption.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://shows.acast.com/moms-dont-hav...

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this memoir in two days, which feels almost wrong given how heavy it is, but that’s the kind of grip Palmer’s story has.
Her prose is gorgeous, but the content is brutal: a woman ground down by life, men, and the very systems supposedly built to protect her. The police? Useless. The institutions? Complicit. It’s the same old story, but told with a rawness that makes you feel every bruise, every betrayal. Palmer isn’t selling martyrdom; she admits her flaws, which makes her story feel even more authentic and genuine.

The scenes are dark, visceral, and often sickening, but necessary. They make you face the reality that women are told to suffer silently while men and systems profit from their impunity. Palmer doesn’t flinch, and neither should we.

Palmer doesn’t just share her own story, she weaves in accounts of other crimes, illustrating how disturbingly common this violence is. Reading it feels less like a privilege and more like a demand: stop treating women’s suffering as inevitable. Because the only thing more horrifying than Palmer’s story is how easily it could be copied and pasted into a thousand others.

Thank you so much to NetGalley for the ARC!

[Firetruckmama · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received an eARC of this book from NetGalley and the publisher, for which I thank them.

“She’s Under Here” is a non-fiction book by Karen Palmer. This book follows Karen as she, her new husband, and her two children try to evade/avoid Karen’s former husband who has been stalking and threatening Karen and the children. This book is obviously very real to the author as she lived through this drama, even noting that all she could do was get restraining orders against her former husband as California didn’t have their Stalker laws in place when this book took place. This book takes the reader through the cruelties of domestic violence - both the physical and the mental (and the grooming). However, it also shows the lengths a caring parent (and caring partner) will go to try to save children from an abusive person. I found this an interesting read, but found myself a bit bored at times - I think it was more the pacing and the time jumps (is this in the present day storyline or is this in the past storyline?) which could have been my issue, not the author’s.

[Catherine Baab-Muguira · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you only read one memoir this year, read this one. I gulped it down in about 20 hours. It's one of those books you read at stoplights because you are only going to open the Kindle app for a *moment* obviously, only long enough to read a few sentences, but now someone is honking at you... You just don't want to stop reading once you've started. Palmer's story is harrowing and fascinating, full of wisdom and self-awareness; just an immense pleasure to spend time with, even with the dark elements. Meanwhile her prose is elegant without being at all ostentatious, the flow very, very real. I highly recommend this book. I'll be giving copies to my sisters at Christmas and then texting them one day later like "did you read it yet? can we talk about it now?? did you get to XYZ part yet???" The last time I enjoyed a memoir this much was Tia Leving's A Well Trained Wife. Is She's Under Here in that league? Yes. Can't think of higher praise.

[Woodstock Pickett · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's hard to know what to say about this - the author is almost brutally honest with herself and by extension with her readers.
After years with an abusive husband, she finds the courage and determination to leave, the precipitating incident was her husband's short lived kidnapping of their youngest daughter.
But "leaving" doesn't quite describe her actions - she and her second husband wrote themselves out of existence, living with forged documents they used to obtain drivers' licenses and new social security cards.
Did she rob her daughters' father of a life he could have had with them?
Was she a habitual criminal in the repetitive lies she told about her identity?
Or was the entire enterprise the only path to survival for her and her children?
Reading of her husband's abusive nature and his unpredictable personality, the reader can be tempted to think Palmer was right.
But Palmer herself retains some doubt, even several dozen years later.

[BookSalad · Rating 3 out of 5]

In the memoir She's Under Here, it's 1989 and Karen Palmer and her new husband Vinny take her two young daughters and go on the run, driving from where they live in California and settling in Colorado. There, they go by new names and eventually procure the false documents to coincide with their new identities.

Why?

To escape the maniacal actions, threats, and mind games of Palmer's ex-husband, Gil.

*Listened to on audiobook, with Palmer herself reading her memoir. As Gil's threats - both verbal and physically insinuating - escalate, Palmer's fear is palpable. The final pages, in which she reads the full transcript of the last phone conversation she had between her and Gil, is nothing short of harrowing.

If you were ever in any doubt throughout the book about the actions she took with her family, you won't be after that...

[Marjan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley and Hachette Audio | Algonquin Books for the advanced audiobook in exchange for my honest review.

SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE THIS INTO A MOVIE!!!

The events of this book are truly unbelievable. The book is heavy, dark and anxiety inducing. The amount of terror, trauma and DV that the author has endured makes it feel like you're listening to a true crime podcast about a crime of passion. Thinking about how the police has failed her and many other women angers me to no end but the worst part is that this is unfortunately not news.

If you loved this book, I highly recommend reading: No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us which is also referenced by the author.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Karen Palmer is incredibly brave for writing about a lot of truly painful and horrific events in her life. You can definitely understand the emotional trauma she's been through. However, I think I might have felt a tad more connected to this memoir if it had been written in a more chronological way. Some of the potency of the events is lost because I sort of understood how it was all going to turn out in the end. While Palmer certainly has plenty of fodder for a book, there was something missing that kept this from being a 5-star read in my mind.

*Free copy provided by Algonquin Books in exchange for an honest review*

[Jae (spoiler free reviews)]

I don’t love rating memoirs, but I want to acknowledge the strength it takes to tell a story like this. The author is undeniably brave for sharing such personal and painful parts of her life. While the writing is vivid and detailed, I struggled to stay engaged and didn’t fully connect with the story. The audiobook narration was quite slow (I sped it up and still followed easily). Even so, this is a raw and courageous account of survival, and I deeply respect the vulnerability it takes to share it.

Many thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the opportunity to review this audiobook, which is available now.

[Kay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listen to the audiobook which was narrated by the author quite well. The story seemed to veer off on some unrelated subjects which confused me as I didn’t really find them relevant to her story. Regarding that - I was extremely sad that they killed mountain lions because when you build in their territory, they have no place to go. We hold them accountable and they pay with their lives. Anyway her story was scary and I’m glad at the end she did realize some of her decisions weren’t the best and she made some poor judgement calls about her first husband even when he kept showing her who he was.

[Ellen Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a copy for review. All opinions are my own. Wow what a book. An inside look at domestic violence and the toll it can take that lasts decades, as it did in this case. Karen did an amazing job of telling her story from the heart even though it’s obvious she still wonders why she didn’t just leave sooner. This book is a reminder that domestic violence is all around us and it’s not so easy to leave. I felt angry and fearful at times while other chapters had me relieved and proud. Truly a well written story of one woman’s struggles and accomplishments as a human being.

[Anne Jisca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stories like this need to be shared, and I am glad Karen has finally been able to. I think her story mimics the lives of countless other women, who have to literally hide to protect their, and their children's, lives. The family court system is beyond corrupted, and judges not trained to see through bullsh*t. So many women, and children, end up murdered because they are not listened to, believed, and kept safe, against their abusers. I'm sure this story was hard to write for Karen. I am glad she shared it, and shed a light on this nation-wide epidemic.

Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.

[Michelle Boehm · Rating 4 out of 5]

It feels like a total cliche to call something or someone brave these days, but I'm going to do it anyway because this author AND this book? Super brave. The bravest.
I most admired the clarity and introspection weaved throughout as Ms. Palmer recounts how her and her second husband pulled off a DIY witness protection program to protect themselves and their 2 girls from her sociopathic first husband. It's a memoir but it's also almost like overhearing a therapy session as she takes you through her complicated feelings over the choices that she made.

[Jan Stinchcomb · Rating 4 out of 5]

A compelling memoir that I couldn't put down. Palmer's story is both a shocking account of gendered violence and a poignant memoir. Her tale of a life on the run highlights all the ways in which America has changed over the decades, for better (the creation of stalking laws, the rise of our now disappearing reproductive rights) and for worse (the cost of living and hyperinflation, which make escape from abuse nearly impossible).

[Rhonda Lomazow · Rating 5 out of 5]

She’s Under Here by Karen Palmer is one of the most haunting horrifying memoirs a story that will stay with me long after I finished the last page.From the opening words once upon a time I disappeared.The authors ex husband tormented her their daughters and Vinny her partner a truly decent man who stands by her.A memoir I will be recommending.Thanks #algonquin books for my gifted copy.

[Shannon Grant · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley for this Arc!

All I can say is wow! I actually listened to it twice. This book is such a hard read mainly because of the trauma endured. Karen shares what she went through. Her personal journey. She also shows there can be a light and you can get out of a bad situation. Thankfully she was able to do so. Not everyone can.