ARC review: 4.8-5/5 ⭐️
i read this for the #TransRightsReadathon & i've never been more proud of my decision. lo & behold, another favorite book of 2024 is here!
y'know, when you are having a bad day & you pick up a book that instantly works like drug to your system, immediately makes you feel a little watery, flufflier, better inside? that has the ability to make you laugh out loud in the grimmest of situations? well, this is that book! the sheer intensity of the feelings it evoked in me was enough to obliterate all my thoughts about my own life and that’s the kind of oblivion you need sometimes.
the whole book was this giant burst of serotonin dopamine & every other happy hormones directly shot into my brain. it was a series of gutpunches straight to my sternum, happy sobs & warm hugs.
i mean, as if it being another bi × bi story is not enough, this time they are two childhood estranged bffs, crushing on the same person & giving themselves a second chance?? it's like Amanda Woody customized this book esp for me.
as usual it carved a vital part of my soul & that's not just bc of this sublime love story but also due to the difficult & nuanced thematics it champions. in addition to the complexity of lifelong friendships, it ekes out an excruciating narrative around different shades of toxic parenting & abuse in pixelated detail: of parents' emotional abuse & the devastation left in its wake for the children. that it is just as much damaging & bruising as phyiscal abuse. of absentee parents, parental neglect & indifference, & how that butchers children's emotional safety & self-esteem. of what actively working to heal from past traumas looks like, & how, if left unresolved, they can seep into your present life. about omnipresence of misogyny directed toward any women confident in her body.
& i think i can't speak on the non-binary representation as a cis person but i still want to say i just loved how it was introduced, explored, reflected on anyway, in whatever small capacity it was. and i ADORED them, their process of assimilation into their friend's group, how readily everyone accepted her of her buyont personality and strived to make her feel safe and themself in it.
now the romance?? SO WHOLESOME. their opposites-attract was beautifully opposite-attracting!
emmy was a "fiery spitball", & i couldn't love her more for it. FMCs with her kind of spunky, fiesty spirit, a tendency to etch her anger on her body, not be afraid to dim her rage and speak the truth despite all its disastrous consequences are like a personal compass for me.
and caleb, the sweetest gentlest boy. seriously he's befitting of a k-drama lead. the same kind of candor, sincerity & genuineness?? his emotions running high , spilling out on his face? who offers you handkerchiefs at a moment's notice?? he became my kriptonyte from the v. first page with his plead to talk about their feelings even when he's having a fist into his face.
their story arc was one of the angstiest, softest, warmest thing i've read in this year. i think part of the reason it was so exolosive was the tumultuous history between them, & the past timeline illustrating the slow & sweet build of their pre-teen-era friendship & feelings.
so this time, with that gulf of hurt & confusion b/w them, when they both started vying for the same person's attention & kept landing in the same places together, it was as hilarious as heartwarming. i was GIDDY reading their interactions, to witness their contradictory emotions; their near hostility & the little peeks of reluctant caring that'd fall through the crack in between.
it was so DELICIOUSLY, DELIRIOUSLY exhilarating to see their dormant feelings for each other SPEWING out with every little chest ache, stomach fluttering, lump in throat, & pang in the heart each got for something the other did for Juliet. and each other. how their dormant care for each other was not so dormant after all.
karaoke nights, bowling with disastrous results, carpooling together, gaming nights, sharing blankets on sleepovers, thrugh all of it Amanda woody charted their path to crawl back to each other, & my heart nearly gave out when he shampooed her hair and helped her shower??? honestly they couldn't be more adorable.
their relationship had the soft warmth, their love for each other so gentle but oh so fierce. the way they both took care of each other's need, became their support system, after reconciling was a thing of beauty to witness. they worked to be there for each other. and them together was an abnormal amount of joy, i nearly expired from the WHOLESOMENESS of their arc. the sugary sweetness made my teeth hurt, but in a good way.
also, Emma's relationship with two other female characters in the book was again so beautifully etched. the way the complex nature of her siblingship was described was heartaching. & i just ADORED her relationship with Celeb's mom.
soo, i want to say the biggest thank to amanda woody to provide me with the ARC to read. i cannot wait to see it on shelves on July 23!