Managing Your Households Well: How Family Leadership Trains You for Church Leadership

by Chap Bettis

Genres: Parenting, Family

160 pages, Paperback

Published May 28, 2025

About the author

Chap Bettis is the author of The Disciple-Making Parent: A Guidebook for Raising Your Children to Love and Follow Jesus Christ. He is also a frequent conference speaker and executive director of The Apollos Project, a ministry dedicated to helping families pass the gospel to their children. For 25 years previous, he was lead pastor of a New England church plant. He and his wife, Sharon, have four children and reside in Rhode Island.

Reviews

[Walter Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was super practical. Chocked full of parallels between managing your household well and how our families are training grounds for managing God’s household well. One thing that encouraged me was how the author made mention of young elders and how their influence will be understandably different than older / senior pastor / elders. The distinction between commanding kids when they are young and counseling them as they grow was also very insightful. Tons to glean here, will definitely be turning to this book again and again.

[Bobby Oliveri · Rating 4 out of 5]

Useful and full of insights, but the concepts were familiar so nothing ground-breaking or fully actionable. This book could be useful for young pastors newly wed or in the early stages of family life and ministry. I craved some more theological exploration of leadership, but this was a good read to remind and recalibrate.

[Bobby James · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy to follow, easy to implement. Bettis promotes a healthy practice of both authority and immanence. Both in leading the home and the church. “Godly shepherds [of home and church] have the heart of a child but a backbone of steel.” (102)

[Zach Hollifield · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really, really good. Incredible blend of Bible and practical wisdom. A must for all those in vocational ministry and especially young pastors who are also husbands/fathers.

[Erik Bonkovsky · Rating 4 out of 5]

A solid introduction to what is an important (if not the primary) qualification for spiritual leadership. This book is straightforward, practical, and easy-to-read. A helpful resource for the church, especially for leadership training.

[Anton Beetge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chap Bettis gives attention to this oft - neglected qualification for elders, who of course, serve as examples for all Christians to aspire to. He not only tackles the difficult task of unpacking what it means to have faithful children, but he helpfully explains the reasons why an elder must manage his household well, how his household management prepares him for ministry within the church, while church ministry also feeds into his ability to manage his household. The two are inseparable because the family is a microcosm of the church. Even though I am not fully persuaded that children can be called faithful while rejecting the faith of their father, I nevertheless greatly appreciated this book and would heartily recommend it, not only to pastors and aspiring pastors, but to all Christians everywhere

[Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Managing Your Households Well, Chap Bettis teaches how family leadership prepares and trains you for church leadership.

Authority and Affection

This book is an excellent way to understand an elder qualification that is often overlooked. While many books and articles talk about being able to teach, I haven’t read much on how leading your family connects with leading the church. Bettis takes the time to walk through passages and clearly make those connections.

The first half of the book lays out the theological foundations, focusing on 1 Timothy 3:4 and Titus 1:6. Bettis says the father must lead with both authority and affection. He explains that while not all children will grow up to be saved, there must still be a demonstration of leading well, even in difficult circumstances. Bettis does not water down the qualifications, yet he is gracious in reminding readers that we are all sinners learning to depend on God’s work in our lives.

Spiritual Formation in the Family

The second half of the book gets practical, offering leadership lessons for both the home and the church. Bettis shows how practicing leadership at home translates naturally into leadership in the church. I was encouraged to see how skills like conflict resolution, communication, and practicing love and unity are being formed daily within my own family.

The book concludes by showing that leading well in our families and churches glorifies God, serves others, and prepares us for eternity. After reading it, I am motivated to better tend to the souls I share a home with. I see that doing so will not only help me meet the qualifications of leadership but also help me provide better care for the souls I lead at church.

I received a media copy of Managing Your Households Well and this is my honest review. @diveindigdeep

[Adam Kareus · Rating 5 out of 5]

A short but powerful book aimed at godly leaders and how they lead their households as well as their ministries. Focusing on the character trait of leading your household well that is listed as a requirement for eldership, Bettis stresses how church leaders need to be learning how to lead at home- for the sake of their families and for the sake of the church at large.
Convicting, yes. Challenging, also yes. But practical and encouraging as well.

[Andy Huette · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was encouraging, convicting, and helpful in so many ways. Bettis strikes a great balance between Biblical exposition and practical application. Lots of good, probing questions and encouragements. An easy read and great tool.

[Ryan Rhew · Rating 5 out of 5]

SUCH a thought provoking read, about an area of my life that I didn't even know how much I needed to think about. Any Christian man would benefit from reading this- it makes me desire a family as someone who aspires to ministry, and excited to be a husband and father who leads and managed his household well.

So thankful for this practical and helpful volume. Also extremely thankful to know this man personally as my former elder and fellow member who I love dearly and admire greatly.

[Michael Abraham · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bettis shares a few insightful ways to think through leading in the home.

[Ben · Rating 5 out of 5]

Physical book.

[Kelton Zacharias · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bettis’ work helped me think more carefully both about parenting and pastoring – especially in communication!

[Brad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every man in the church should read this book. It should certainly be read by those aspiring to be elders. It is filled with many good nuggets of practical wisdom. I highly recommend this volume!

[Erik Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent. Short, sweet and immensely practical. Maybe 5 stars for its usefulness.

[Benjamin Baker · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a single man aspiring for pastoral ministry and desiring marriage, this book was simultaneously encouraging and frustrating.

[Andrew Gates · Rating 4 out of 5]

Focused more on parenting and less on marriage. Has helpful discussion questions and a self/spouse's evaluation at the end.