Grit & Grace: The Transformation of a Ship & a Soul

by Deborah Rudell

"Engaging and informative, with moments of great excitement—but also disturbing and weighted with angst." —Kirkus Reviews

Deborah Rudell’s world unravels when the leaders of her spiritual commune are exposed, arrested, and imprisoned for bioterrorism and attempted murder. Crushed and adrift, she moves her family off the commune to create a sense of normalcy. But when her husband seeks an opportunity to dismantle and rebuild a derelict fifty-foot schooner, Deborah uproots their children once again and joins him in Kauai. For the next five years, she dedicates her life to restoring a boat.

Pouring herself into the work at hand can only distract her so much as disillusionment about the cult’s lies and manipulation slowly rises to the surface. While she grapples with emotional turmoil and contemplates a new life path, Deborah sets out to accomplish something she never thought sailing across the Pacific to the Olympic Peninsula. Will the dangers that come with navigating the ocean be too much to bear, or will she find resolution and fortitude in the turbulent adventure?

Grit & The Transformation of a Ship & a Soul is one woman’s account of conquering overwhelming challenges with tenacity and ingenuity and ultimately discovering her inner strength.

Genres: Memoir

407 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 27, 2025

Reviews

[Lianne Downey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did not expect this memoir to be a page-turner! Wasn't planning to stay up from 3 to 5 a.m. reading the last pages and holding my breath to see if they'd make it on their Pacific crossing ...

I thought the book would be interesting, given the dual subject matter. First, the restoration of a 50-foot wooden schooner, stripping it down to the hull and basically caressing every detailed part of the old girl, until each intricately fit and restored piece glowed with vitality again, after years rotting in a boat yard.

Second, I wanted to read the author's story of joining and then leaving a rather infamous spiritual community, rebuilding her life twice in this relentless pursuit of, as she describes, the restoration of her soul along with the schooner.

Yeah, this was going to be interesting because:
(a) I'm also a spiritual seeker who had to leave a group to strike off on her own, and
(b) boats terrify me and make me claustrophobic and seasick, even in a bay.

(Though my boat-captain sister once talked me into a summer job sanding expensive yacht rails and painting deep in an engine room, where my inexperience couldn't do much damage. Thankfully, neither of those huge yachts left the dock during my time with them, and I was tremendously relieved to accept a writing job better suited to my talents and phobias.)

So I was feeling morbid fascination when I bought this book. Told my ocean-savvy brother-in-law what I was reading and when I said, "They'd never even sailed before," his immediate response?

"And they didn't die?"

Exactly.

But no! This is not just an "interesting" book; it's a heart-thumper! Nail-biter! Tension on every page! Moving, and really scary! Caught me up like a powerful storm wind and didn't set me down again until those last pages, at 5 a.m.

You've been warned. The author did a fabulous job of making her remarkable story also highly readable. My only complaint? I was desperate for photographs. Et voila! I found them on her author blog site. I wonder why her publisher didn't include any?

[Marijke McCandless · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this book! It’s a fabulous read about living unconventionally, with grit and grace—just as the title promises. Few people dare to go “all in,” but that’s the mark of a true seeker. Deb shows us both the tender and challenging sides of doing so. Her wins and losses are big, her challenges mighty, but through it all, we begin to see the resilience and joie de vivre it takes not only to stay afloat but to sail life’s choppy seas with vigor—one day at a time, present to whatever is before her.
From watching a beloved commune disintegrate to dismantling a wooden boat and refinishing it with the goal of sailing the Pacific (despite having no sailing experience at the start), Deb’s journey is full of raw, real moments. While her dream turned out much differently than she first imagined, she ultimately finds peace—not by being held by her spiritual community or master, but by integrating her own experiences and finding her own way through the chaos. ~ Marijke McCandless, Grand Prize–winning author of Naked in the Now and guide in the art of presence

[Teddy Charles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grit and Grace is a memoir about the author’s years in a spiritual community in the 1980s to the rebuilding and subsequent sailing in rough seas and a life threatening gale across the Pacific Ocean. The book explores the betrayal that she feels from the notorious cult leader, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, (based in Oregon) as well as the subsequent multiple personal and practical challenges in her sea-faring life. I was moved and impressed by her voice, a voice that is so authentic and vulnerable, as well as the emotional honesty of her writing. In this soulful and profound journey, we witness a willingness and tenacity to face these challenges head on, while never giving up, which ultimately brings her to a place of more peace, self-knowledge and acceptance on the other side of this journey. I highly recommend this awesome and engaging book that is hard to put down.

[Sarah Vosburgh · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is great pleasure in reading just for the fun of it, and greater pleasure in learning as you read when you least expect it. Rudell takes us on a wild ride through personal growth and shipbuilding - drawing us in with relationship details, and her learning curve as she takes on a task which requires and expert while she is a novice. Her courage, determination, and introspection though the ship building balances with her growth in her soul search. I read this book in a day and a half, ignoring what was going on around me just to be able to read what happened. Not a book I'd have normally picked up at the bookstore, I was engaged from the first page, and bereft when it was over. I would love to read more work from Deborah.

[Stephanie Weaver · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating blend of spiritual journey, memoir, and boat restoration. Ruddell deftly takes the reader on a path woven from two significant strands in her life: spending four years rebuilding a 55 wooden two-masted schooner in Hawai’i and living at the commune of Bhaghwan Shree Rajneesh in Oregon until it fell apart due to scandal and crime. Ruddell goes deep inside herself to understand both experiences with three decades of perspective. A fascinating read, whether you’re interested in sailing or cults or both.

[C. Gonzales · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deborah Rudell gives meaning to the fact that women can be both. You can be vulnerable yet fierce and she shows that through her words and her experiences she shared with us.
Sometimes we have more inside of us than we ever knew and it takes going through things to realize we can come out the other side.
Words of wisdom, a vulnerability in showing the lows, and perseverance and grit shown throughout really have this be one of the most well balanced memoirs I have read.

[Gina Stamper · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful story of perseverance.

In plain language, Deborah Ruddell describes some of the often despairing, futile, and absurd years of her life.

Wonderful read, great insight into life! Both the ups and the downs were easy to connect to.

I couldn’t help but feel Ruddell’s frustration, excitement and passion as she fought to overcome her circumstances.

[Samantha Turley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deborah Rudell serves up generous portions of her wise, compassionate take on life and her experiences.

Raised in a life that is unknown to most, she gives us insight into her early life, having your sense of being shattered, and ultimately finding herself.

This was just expertly done, the writing is personal, humorous, and thought-provoking.

[Katie Quan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A captivating memoir that weaved a spiritual journey with an impossible boat restoration and harrowing Pacific Ocean crossing. Very descriptive and well written with raw emotion. In a today’s world where we crave stability and more linear journeys, it was refreshing to read about a life that was anything but linear. Great job Deb!

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book! So interesting, reading about Deborah's life on "The Ranch". And what an undertaking, deciding to refurbish that old derelict boat. Once she started into the sailing portion, I was on the edge of my seat and couldn't put the book down!

[Nicola Ranson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deb Rudell builds a magnificent sailboat while processing her exit from the Osho/Rajneesh cult. She focuses on her personal transformation as she finds her feet. This is an honest and well-written account that many will be able to relate to.

[Michelle Balacek · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first few chapters have been great. A very vivid and exciting. Can’t wait to finish.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

This excellently crafted memoir braids a first hand account of life within the Rajneeshpuram commune with the painstaking, love-hate labor and reflection that happens over the course of years poured into restoring a dilapidated wooden boat. It's a tale of relationship, motherhood, love, and the self discovery that happens when we accept the only way out is not just through, but *in*.
It's unflinching memoir at its finest.