Struck Down, Not Destroyed: Keeping the Faith as a Vatican Reporter

by Colleen Dulle

A bold, inspiring call not to lose spiritual hope from a Vatican reporter who has seen the Catholic Church’s darkness—and has learned that it cannot overpower the light

“A compelling, fortifying read for anyone who is grappling with the fallen side of the church.”—Abigail Favale, author of The Genesis of Gender

For too many Catholics, the darkness of creeping doubt, of drifting out into the spiritual cold of God’s absence, is felt not outside the church but within it. With each of the church’s moral failures—the sexual abuse, systematic mistreatment of women, shady financial management, its cozy relationships with corrupt political power—people lose faith or they wonder if they can, in good conscience, remain part of the church at all. For Catholic journalists who report on the church’s failures in detail, the struggle to keep the faith can feel like an intolerable cognitive dissonance.

In Struck Down, Not Destroyed, Vatican reporter for America magazine Colleen Dulle takes readers for the first time into her own experience of how the church has put her own faith into crisis, and how she has managed to stay Catholic by meeting again and again the spiritual reality at the heart of the church—God and the saints. With each chapter, Dulle revisits her reporting on a church crisis, revealing to readers that in every instance of anger, betrayal, and hurt, she was ultimately renewed in hope, courage, and resolve.

Recounting efforts to pray honestly and finding herself yelling at God, attending Mass at churches where she was treated like the “wrong” kind of Catholic, or learning that one of her spiritual heroes was a sexual abuser, Dulle offers readers the gift of they are not alone and there is hope. At the times when the church seemed merely human, just an institution for power and politicking, Dulle found herself spiritually upheld by difficult prayer, other faithful Catholics, fellow reporters, faithful priests, and, ultimately, the Holy Spirit. Dulle holds out this same promise for readers. She provides no easy solutions, nor does she pretend to resolve the feelings of dissonance; instead, she passes on the courage she received with a vivid reminder that the church’s faith is still worth believing in and fighting for.

Genres: Religion, Nonfiction, Catholic, Journalism, Church

164 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 12, 2025

Reviews

[Sheila · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a free copy of, Struck Down, Not Destroyed, by Colleen Dulle, from the publisher and Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Colleen Dulle, is a Vatican reporter, but she still has problems with the Catholic, church but has chosen to stay Catholic. I really enjoyed this book.

[Katy Frattara · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’ve struggled with the Catholic Church & have somehow still kept the faith or been curious about it amidst the messiness of the institution—this is a must read. Cannot recommend it enough…I want to be Colleen Dulle when I grow up. 😭

[Lottie from book club · Rating 4 out of 5]

telling myself I have to write a sincere review of this book instead of firing off something flippant* like 'Colleen for Pope'. this was a fascinating read, somehow both disheartening and heartening at the same time. the grief and frustration sparks and leaps off the page, but so does the love! I would very much like to have a long chatty lunch with Ms Dulle, and personally *I think this book should qualify her for a vote at the next Synod.

[Amber Joosen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks to NetGalley for the opportunity to read this book for an honest review!

As a young catholic woman I often had my doubts regarding the scandals surrounding the church! This book was such an eye opener. With the death of pope Francis our faith was center stage again! Colleen has such a natural writing style making it feel like you just have a conversation with her! I would absolutely recommend this book even to the skeptics

[Mairwen Minson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. I needed this book. As a Catholic, as a young adult trying to live as a faithful believer while aware of too many things, as a woman struggling with institutions.

Thanks to the author and publisher for providing me with an ARC via NetGalley for an honest review.

I cried probably eight separate times reading this. To be fair, I also read it in one sitting (because I didn’t want to distance myself from what I was reading), which did kind of make the grief accumulate a bit more than it might otherwise have. And I do mean grief. The author, Colleen Dulle, may be “wrestling” and “lamenting”, but I was grieving. I was born in 2000 and only really feel like I started connecting to the church, beyond my faith, the past couple of years. Many of the scandals or events that Dulle shares were entirely new to me, but, unfortunately, familiar in their similarities to other situations I did know of.


However, that’s really exactly why I need this book. And, I think, many other Catholics my age do too. We are aware there are scandals and struggles and may know folks impacted by or are ourselves impacted by them, but Dulle lays out everything that she covers in this book in such a clear, concise, and comprehensive manner. I understood because of her wonderful writing, I cried because of her evocative narrative, and I lamented because of her inspiring delivery.


Dulle does not share in this book a lecture or directions. I found many attitudes she shared inspiring, but it was quite obviously not the point. She was being honest in this book, sharing her past and how she has kept her faith with all she has encountered in the church. And her journalistic approach does show through at times, as the text sometimes moves from the personal to the more informative. I appreciated both, as you get the references you may need and the personal intimacies that humanize the situations.


I am very grateful for this book and so glad I read it.

[Derek · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have admired Dulle's work since finding her Inside the Vatican podcast years ago, and it took me less than a week to finish this personal, but also informative, reflection on her (and by extension many of our) place in the Catholic Church. Her viewpoints as a young Catholic and honesty in the places this institution and the people who comprise it has caused her to struggle (and likely at times still do) gives me balm for my own place in the Church. My appreciation to her for sharing herself with all of us faithful.

[Alison Grausam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Go off, diva.

Thoughtful and contemplative, with a side of niche Vatican bureaucracy facts.

[Madeleine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is very good, I would say 4.5 stars

[Dar Vig · Rating 5 out of 5]

go off!!

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this as an Episcopalian (raised ELCA Lutheran) who teaches an Episcopal theological education course (Education for Ministry, efm.sewanee.edu) in which we learn and reflect a lot about God vs. the institutions we've created to contain Him/Her. I was curious about how Dulle, as someone who has devoted her career to following perhaps the largest such institution in the world, reconciles those things.

Unfortunately, I think because I am not Catholic, the institutional scandals she describes in turn ("the clerical sexual abuse scandal, women's role in the church, the brewing schism among U.S. Catholics, the financial corruption in the Vatican's saint-making office, the revelations about L'Arche founder Jean Vanier's sex cult, and...Pope Francis's ongoing 'synod on synodality' reform process", p. xxiii) seemed to comprise the bulk of the "content" here. Yes, she talks about her own experience vis a vis each of these, but I may have failed to appreciate the power of those personal experiences among some of these institutional details (e.g., Jean Vanier did what?! It costs how much to make someone a saint?!). Blame my Lutheran ancestors :)

At the end of the day, though, if your brand of Christianity holds that faith is nurtured in community, growing your faith means engaging with your fellow humans and the religious institutions they have built, whether house church, parish church, or megachurch. I did find it interesting that some of Dulle's most "faithful" experiences were 1:1, with a trusted friend or new connection, not in mass contexts or in "holy" places. Also, it was heartening to learn about progress (albeit glacial) in the Catholic Church.

A quote on p. 114 seems to sum it up: "...I'd gotten to know the Vatican as a place made up of people; a sort of worldwide company with a ton of mismanagement and corruption that also happened to be the largest charity in the world...led by a guy whose election is always surrounded by political battles and gossip but who is also, somehow, chosen by the Holy Spirit. / Believing that--believing all of it, despite knowing so much of what goes on--is a hard ask of anyone. It's impossible to be a Catholic these days without experiencing some cognitive dissonance. We wrestle with the teachings and the institutional problems...and pray for some grace to see God working somewhere in all this. Those of us who take up that wrestling willingly are aspiring to what I call a mature faith."

[Ends of the Word · Rating 4 out of 5]

Struck Down, Not Destroyed, whose title is inspired by a passage St Paul's Second Letter to the Corinthians, is a work of non-fiction by Colleen Dulle. Dulle is a Vaticanist who regularly writes and podcasts for America, a monthly Catholic magazine published by the Jesuits of the US. The theme which runs throughout Dulle’s book is set out in the subtitle: “Keeping the Faith as a Vatican Reporter”. Dulle chronicles the scandals which have rocked the Church, and which she has found herself covering over the past years: ranging from abuse of minors and vulnerable people, to financial crises, to the exclusion of women from the hierarchies of the Church. I found Dulle’s insights about these issues very interesting and informative. As a European Catholic, I was struck by her observations about the strong intersection between religion and politics in the US and now appreciate better Pope Francis’ wish to rein in the use of the Tridentine Mass, so often “weaponised” in the culture wars which are particularly strongly felt in the US.

Struck Down, Not Destroyed is, in part, a work of journalism, but it works even better as a spiritual memoir. Dulle charts her growth into an adult Catholic, often disillusioned by a Church which she still consciously chooses to remain a part of. She recounts phases of spiritual aridity, of rage against the Church and against God Himself. But, perhaps against the odds, she still finds solace in prayer, worship and doing good works. She is helped in this by other Catholics – friends, family and spiritual counsellors – who share and understand her plight, and ultimately by her faith in God and the saints, even though it might be a faith shaken on a regular basis. Dulle’s book should instil hope in the hearts of fellow spiritual travellers.

https://endsoftheword.blogspot.com/20...

[perrrfection · Rating 5 out of 5]

Struck Down, Not Destroyed: Keeping the Faith as a Vatican Reporter
Fascinating and enjoyable! I was pleasantly surprised at how much! While I originally wanted to read this because I am a “Roman Catholic”, but not in the traditional sense. I was raised Missouri Synod in our local Lutheran Church. Anyone who knows the history between Lutherans and Catholics will know it’s a love hate kind of relationship. Originally, I wanted to read this book for the “dirt” and inside scoop, only someone with the kind of access a reporter for the highly secretive Vatican could have. I thought that would be the extent of my appreciation for this book. But instead, I connected with it on a much deeper level. Honest it to me off guard. As a woman, mother, and spiritually, I was amazed at our similar experiences and feelings.
When she delt with the loss of a dear friend, she struggled between the devotion for her friend and to her Church. I have endured this conflict, and I had lived this too. It made me realize, even with different belief systems, what have in common is much more meaningful. I respected her tenacity and integrity. I felt like I was on this journey with her. Moreover, it is also a book about healing! It had everything I was looking for and so much I never expected! Every page drew me deeper, masterfully written. I finished this book in two days!
I will end with one of my favorite quotes from the book, “At home, I will teach my one-year-old the fundamental truth that he can understand: That God loves him, and all of us, infinitely; that we all have a place at his table.” I loved this book.
Many thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for the opportunity to read this ARC.

[Jeff Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are a Catholic who struggles to keep your faith in the midst of the Church's many scandals, you are not alone.

As a Catholic journalist and host of America Media's podcast "Inside the Vatican", Colleen Dulle has had more than a front-row seat to the debates roiling Catholicism in America and around the world; she has had to report objectively on these stories while grappling with their effects on her own faith as a self-described mystic and lifelong Catholic.

In "Struck Down, Not Destroyed," Dulle reveals glimpses of how she has fought to come to terms with the God in whom she believes, in the face of the many disappointments she has in the Church she covers, and the spiritual toll it has taken on her. While outlining the primary issues she has covered, this is less a work of journalism than of spiritual reflection. As such, those who want discussions on issues like the sexual abuse crisis, the role of women in the Church, clericalism, schismatic threats and stories of corruption large and small, will find plenty here, but will likely be led to her podcast for deeper dives.

For the rest of us, Dulle's vulnerable story of wrestling with God to maintain her faith amidst the sordidness of the institutional Church provides an opportunity to join our doubts to hers and welcome the reminder that we are not alone.

[Matt Vaughan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I came across this author right around this year’s conclave, and I was hopeful that her book would speak to some feelings I’ve had about the church in recent years. What she wrote is thoroughly honest, sprinkled with real-life stories from someone who has been on the frontlines of major Catholic news stories, but also the personal experiences she had throughout these years. The topics are not a laundry list of hot button issues, but rather the biggest issues that she has had to work through in her life. It’s not a story with a lot of clean answers, but the approach she shares feels like a good way to keep living a life of faith in the Catholic Church while recognizing the enormous flaws and (at times) evil actions in the people within it. This book isn't sanitized, it's thoroughly honest.

It's a pretty quick read, which makes it easier to recommend. I hope Colleen follows this up with another book in a few years that shares her walk through the thorny issues that come next.

[Sumukh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would rate this book probably between 4 to 4.5 but given I have an appreciation for what Ms. Dulle is writing here I am giving it a 5.

I am not a Catholic. I am a Hindu. However every religion has their issues and challenges with our own faith.

I appreciate how the author identifies herself, her role as a Catholic, journalist, and human and the importance of questioning and holding accountability when it comes to faith, religion, and leadership.

It’s a quick but meaningful read from someone who deeply cares and as we watch much more conservative, nationalistic, and fascist approaches to all religions becoming more apparent, it’s an essential read.

So honestly given it doesn’t have many reviews so far I just wanted to give it that bump and appreciation in the hope Catholics and really all faiths read it. It’s the type of honesty and accountability needed in religion in our world now.

[Jill Vaughn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting book. I found the book very interesting. The author, a journalist, has brought to life issues about the church, specifically the Vatican, that I had no knowledge. For example, the charges from the Vatican for the cause of Sainthood, the author appropriately points out that poor communities cannot raise the funds ($1 million plus) to advance the cause or the outdated process the Vatican insists on those to engage in the submission process The author also brings to life some uncomfortable issues that confront the Catholic church. What befuddled me a bit was the author is both journalist and activist and the objectivity to see the whole church, flaws and all. This seems not to be uncommon with newer journalist, objectivity or presenting both sides of an issue is no longer in style. That is what I missed in this book, the presentation of both sides of the issue. Both Fr. James Martin and Cardinal Burke are on polarizing sides of issues, but where is the middle?

[Kathleen Basi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Colleen Dulle shares a vulnerable, authentic, and self-aware reflection on the Church scandals of the past few years. She gives the background and context of many of these scandals--information that many of us don't have, because all we get are the sensational headlines, and we never see what comes of the story long term. The context of the Vigano story was particularly striking to me on that front. But she doesn't stop with reporting; she shares her struggles to stay connected to Christ and his Church when she's daily confronting the worst that is in the Church. Jaded people--people who would like to write her off based on current political divisions and affiliations--will be surprised to hear her examine her own conscience and challenge herself to see beyond her biases. Her faithfulness and authenticity is a model for us all.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vatican reporter for America magazine Colleen Dulle shares her own experience of reporting: how the church has put her own faith into crisis, and how she has managed to stay Catholic.

I needed this book. Pope Francis and now Pope Leo has me recognizing there is good in the church, after years of seeing nothing but scandals. I know it surprises many friends I’m a “cradle catholic” but lost all willingness to discuss any good in religion after moving to Texas and how southern evangelicals treated people that didn’t attend their church (the stories I can tell!). I am thankful for Colleen sharing her thoughts and struggles to keep her faith.

Thank you NetGalley & Image for an advanced reader copy.
#StruckDownNotDestroyed #NetGalley.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really, really enjoyed this one! I started following Colleen on TikTok around conclave coverage and was excited to hear that she was coming out with a book. My only feedback is that I wish it were longer! Colleen does a great job of covering topics in the church right now that rightfully so, are driving people up a wall. As she says in the book, it's hard not to have cognitive dissonance as a Catholic right now. I really appreciated her being able to look at things pragmatically and from multiple sides. It was really validating as someone who reads a lot of books about our faith to try and get a handle on things and sometimes feels like they're the one doing something wrong. Colleen shows in this book that we're all in this together, trying to figure it all out.

[Lorenzo Pedro · Rating 4 out of 5]

Coleen’s new book is a powerful reminder that "God meets people where they are — not where they should be."
Great insight into the Church's struggle between Pope Francis and Leo's inclusive vision: where women lead, the poor are prioritized, Igbq Catholics are embraced, and immigrants are welcomed - and the MAGA Catholic / TLM movements working to roll back that progress.

A great reminder to live the Gospel, not just recite it.

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Colleen Dulle is the Vatican reporter for America magazine. She describes some of her experiences of Church failings and how those have affected her. These include the sex abuse of children, the Vatican Bank's investment fiasco, the absence of women in leadership, etc. She ends with a positive view of the Church and a sense of hope for the future.

[Grecia T · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a must read for anyone struggling with their faith. I think Colleen Dulle did an amazing job at detailing the facts and describing her inner turmoil. Well written and informative!

Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

An exploration of the liberal side of Catholicism. And most importantly, an examination of faith, Catholic faith, in light of the abuse crisis of the past few years.

[Albian Johnson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thought provoking and interesting but felt like I was reading her blog not a book

[Allyson · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

[Pamela · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book within a week of its publishing, something I am not sure I have done, maybe ever. Once I started the book, I found it is hard to put it down. Dulle's struggles as outlined in the book with the institutional Catholic church are some of which I also experienced. This book is authentic to the experience of Catholics struggling with sex abuse revelations and lack of women's leadership.