My Date With Water

by Unfortunate Reads

“Unassisted spontaneous orgasms.” That’s what the news is calling it. Marina calls it a dream come true. Except after a bad break up, she’s stuck in the house she grew up in, becoming increasingly sexually frustrated. She loves her parents, but she’s a screamer, and that’s just a line she isn’t willing to cross while living under their roof.

So when she decides to get away for a weekend, is it really her fault if the calling of the shore was just too strong to resist? Renting a tiny house on an uninhabited cove, Mari is about to discover if the deep blue sea will be the stuff of her dreams, or become her worst nightmare.

My Date With a Water is part of The Sentient Object Calendar Series, a shared series curated by some of your favorite off-the-wall Biblio Barbie, Dakota Cockaday, Holly Wilde, Luna Cantrip, Nicole Parker, Sylvia Morrow, Thea Masen, Unfortunate Reads, and Vera Valentine. It is meant for readers 18 and over who are ready to embrace a deeper experience with some unusual holidays.

Genres: Romance, Novella, Smut

66 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 23, 2025

Reviews

[Sadie E · Rating 4 out of 5]

What in The Little Mermaid porn parody is this??

Okay, so the book opens with a news report from the beach. I’ll just quote it because I can’t do the absurdity justice: "As you can hear from the moans behind me, everyone in the water is having what experts are calling 'unassisted spontaneous orgasms'."

So obviously, the FMC goes on holiday to a beach house to get a bit of this action. Obviously. And then the sea starts THROWING FISH AT HER and waving?? Like fish are raining down on this little Airbnb. And she's Baywatch-running into the ocean? There’s deep throating water??

This is pure chaos. A roller coaster of wtf. I feel like a deviant for reading. But I can’t stop. I've never laughed so much. I've wasted my Sunday reading this series because I need to know how wild the sentient object romance series can get. And sentient sex water and flying aquatic fauna is definitely pretty wild.

"It's water! It's the mother fucking orgasm-water!"

[Grapie Deltaco · Rating 3 out of 5]

You know what? I respect that the plot is “woman finds out specific area of ocean water causes orgasms and immediately travels there to experience the orgasms. The end.”

CW: explicit sexual content

[Biblio · Rating 5 out of 5]

Time to get wet and woo’d by- flying fish? No sorry let me start over. Unassisted Spontaneous orgasms sponsored by water! Get railed by water just outside your cute little beach front air bnb. Love sand? Great! You’re going to wake up in it after passing out from post coital bliss. This one was so freaking funny and wild, I absolutely loved it! Don’t miss out on this wild and wet series!

[Shannon · Rating 3 out of 5]

My Date With Water
Sentient Object Holiday Series, #4

I Picked Up This Book Because: Continue the series.

Media Type: eBook
Source: Kindle Unlimited
Dates Read: 1/28/25 - 1/30/25
Stars: 3 Stars


The Story:
Pure smut. Exactly as advertised. I am sadly no longer in the mood for it so I didn't have a great time. Nothing wrong with the story, just me.

[『 Dıʀᴛʏ Gʀᴇʏ 』 · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️ 4 🌶

MCs: 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘢 𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘳 ♡ 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩? 😅
🗓 World Water Day, March 22nd

DONT TAUNT THE MOTHER EFFIN OCEAN!!

HOLY CRAP!! a whole new meaning to the phrase "its the motion of the ocean"😆😆 that must be 1 of the best SORs ive read!! its super quick, hilarious, & hot AF!! the idea of railing a true sentient ocean said to cause "spontaneous unassisted O's", with water tentacles & all, 𝘞𝘏𝘐𝘓𝘌 ur on a weekend getaway at a cute beachfront air b&b, even polite enough to return u to shore after, was so adventurous & made it such a fun read!! & in her very 𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘴 fashion...i love her use of 𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔, 𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒍𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒐, & 𝒋𝒖𝒃𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔🤣🤣 love love LOVE this addition to the series🙌🏽

✨ part of 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘖𝘣𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳 𝘚𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 & can be read as a standalone. this series is curated by some of our fave off-the-wall authors & is meant for readers 18 & over

[Hannah Bryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Holy shit that was a roller coaster of wtf and I'm here for it 😂

[Robyn G · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anything written by Unfortunate Reads is worth the read!
Short and weird just the way we like it!

[QuiztheWhiz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I need a tall glass of water after reading this book🚰

I’m in love with Marina’s thoughts about how she needs to get laid and her unapologetic screams. Such a relatable character and would love to see her go back to the tiny house on the cove.

[emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

1. lmao
2. why is she confused about bathrooms??

[Melinda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will forever be amazed that Cassie managed to make this as hot as it was. Sign me up for a beach vacation and some time in the water. Let's be honest if us SOR readers turned on the news and saw that the ocean was giving happy endings we would all be on our way to the nearest body of water to see what happens.

[Lanae (findmeonsmutlane) · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I tell you I was CACKLING out loud reading this.

Hysterical.

Horny af.

I am dead ☠️.

Read it. It's so worth your time. I'm dying.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

You know what, this was weird af but also oddly arousing at times. Haha. It’s a short fun read.

I received an ARC for free to write a review.

[Amber J Christie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a good read

[bookwh0rebryce · Rating 5 out of 5]

water has game

who knew the ocean was a pleasure dom??? moana sure didnt 🤣🤣 time to book a beach vacation i think 😏

[Cortney · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don’t even know where to begin with this review and no, I will not be taking questions at this time.

This one is… somehow less chaotic than the energy drink can-man situation, which is not something I ever thought I’d say.

At least this time it’s WATER.

You know.
A normal thing.
Except it’s not.

It’s very much:
Meet
Chaos
Spice
Done

Because WHY is the ocean flirting with her??
Why is it SENTIENT??
Why are we just accepting this???

At no point did anyone stop and say,
“Hey… maybe I shouldn’t emotionally connect with a body of water.”

And yet here we are, emotionally connecting with the water for ORGASMS.

I will say this one is a different flavor of unhinged.

Not aggressive, aluminum-can anatomy chaos…
but like… soft, creeping, “the ocean has chosen you” energy. (It’s giving Moana vibes - sorry not sorry)

Blink and suddenly:

You are in the water
The water is touching you
& you just decide to go with it

This couldn’t be me. Absolutely not. I would’ve been back on shore in 0.2 seconds flat.

Need fish? It's throwing them at you. Raining fish.

Want to try DP without having to deal with men? The water’s got you.
And honestly the confidence? Unmatched. The commitment? Terrifying cause she loved it.

Plot who?
Logic? There is none.
Vibes? Concerning.

The author "Unfortunate Reads" perfectly describes this book.

If you go in expecting:
- Chaos
- Weird smut
- “This should not exist, but I’m entertained”

You’ll probably love it.

Too long didn’t read? No problem
It is less chaotic than the sentient energy drink book.
It’s still unwell.
The water gives orgasms.
Proceed at your own risk.

[Livvy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Are you thirsty for the ocean? (Pun intended) Then, look no further than My Date With Water, Unfortunate Reads newest release about a sentient ocean that FUCKS.

Unfortunate Reads takes a wacky concept, such as doing the nasty with a sentient ocean, and turns it into a masterpiece that has a great plot, fantastic smut scenes, and humor that always has me on the floor laughing. I can imagine it's a tricky balance taking wacky concepts and turning them into excellent books. Unfortunate Reads has mastered the wackiness we all love and making it believable. Hey, it doesn't have to be realistic!

TLDR: Mother is mothering, and her loyal devotees are eating GOOD!

P.S. The whole time I was reading this, I kept picturing Rotten the Snowman from Smiling Friends after he became the ocean.

[Poetry Drive · Rating 5 out of 5]

I dived into this fully expecting it to be weird and funny, but I am somehow always surprised at the new levels each Unfortunate Reads book brings me to.

A sentient ocean throwing fish at a horny woman’s Airbnb to get her to come out and play with it. It’s crazy and yet it makes sense given that the OCEAN is sentient in this universe. It’s the least it could have done for attention, honestly.

As always, UR incorporates great word play and quirky phrases to seemingly mundane or taboo things. Such as:
”satchel of Richards”
“Unassisted spontaneous orgasms”
“Tickle my taco”
“Deranged frisbee”

Not to mention the chapter titles are hilarious and fitting. What does LOTR have to do with a sentient water romance? You’ll just have to read it to find out.

[Michelle Lebron · Rating 5 out of 5]

An Airbnb in front of the beach, flying fish, lots of sand, a pink bag of toys *ahem* you know what kind, but most importantly, the ocean calling out to you to fulfill your deepest desires. If all of this sounds interesting and you want to laugh out loud for a while, this book is for you. I hadn’t laughed so much with a book as I did with this one in particular. Unfortunates Reads, your mind is a mystery, and you gave us this incredible story 🤣. It will be etched in my memory forever. The chapter titles—oh, I absolutely died laughing at them. If you enjoy reading weird, funny, and especially spicy stories, this one is for you. Welcome to the tribe!

[Michaela Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Are you looking to get wet? Like drowning in the ocean wet? Then this is the book for you!! In this all spice, no plot, seriously freaky novella our FMC Marina gets the best vacation of her whole life. Unfortunate Reads is an absolute icon and this has become my favorite novella of hers that I’ve read so far!! I’m really looking forward to reading her other book in the Sentient Object Holiday series, My Date with a Jellyfish!

[Melli · Rating 4 out of 5]

You know what? I'm about to read a book about a girl about to run into the ocean to ask it to f*ck her, I am not about to question where this book came from or how.

If you read sentient object romance and are entirely frustrated with men or stupid toy settings or just want to enjoy an author having fun, join Marina's horny paradise.

Arc provided by Unfortunate Reads

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel like Unfortunate Reads has somehow absorbed the powers of all the books and authors she has reviewed and become some kind of wildly unhinged superhero of the sentient object world. This book was great. If you saw reports of people experiencing "unassisted spontaneous orgasms" in the ocean, would you be able to resist the urge to go for a swim? Yeah, me neither. No plot, only hot wet fun.

[Mollie Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, this was seriously hot. Like HOT. I loved the picturesque setting of the cozy beach cottage and the private ocean cove. I loved the mention of author other works, too cute. I’m kinda sad, because I want more! Can we get a sequel?! Pleaseeee!!

[Allisha (Lady_Perfictionist) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cassie is just spot on with a smutty book about water!

Would I rent a beach house with a beach that had peoplespontaneously orgasiming...yes I would.

Would I go into the water and get pounded by it...yes I would!

Did Cassie write this book for crazy people like me....she sure did!!! I cannot wait to read the rest of this series!

[Miss S · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great sentinel object smut fest. Who knew the sea could be so naughty. Completely crazy and yet strangely believable. The spice is hot with no angst just fun. A great next addition to this series of books

[Brittni Shafer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insults men and references omegaverse, yes please

This was everything I hoped it would be. I'm honestly sad it was so short. You cant think at even one point in this book because that's not what this is about, its about vibes and vibes only.

[Marie Blackwelder · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just a single gal that is living in a lonely world…. She stays at a beach house after finding out this body of water is giving spontaneous Orgasm’s…. I mean who can be mad at that??? Literally such a fun time!

[Shiya · Rating 5 out of 5]

On the other hand, it isn’t like I can date the ocean. Right? No, Marina, get real. You cannot date the ocean. 

This was absurdly fun and the perfect palate cleanser between books XD. It's like teen cringe series, where it's so cringe that you're addicted and can't stop reading.

[monika_is_booked · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was fun....and wet 😏

[Mrs.Kriz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very silly. Exactly what you think it's going to be. 100% a chick getting railed by the ocean.

[my little nightmare. · Rating 2 out of 5]

Why didn't they end up together, I thought that the water will be the usual transformed sentient :'((