Match sin machismo: Una guía feminista para sobrevivir a las apps de citas

by Aileen Barratt, Toni R. Juncosa (translator)

Una divertida guía que navega en el complicado mundo de las apps de citas, a través de una mirada feminista cargada de humor.

En este hilarante diccionario de la misoginia moderna online, la autora destripa con humor ácido y mucha picardía los perfiles típicos de las aplicaciones para ligar, desenmascarando el machismo escondido detrás de los «me gusta» y las selfies de gym.

Sus páginas se convertirán en un grito de batalla para todas aquellas guerreras del swipe cansadas de luchar contra el machismo digital de manera divertida y reflexiva.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Audiobook, Book Club

208 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2022

Reviews

[Chloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ruining the minds of decent women.
If being a decent woman means I have to lower my standards and expectations, change my entire personality and person to fit into a mould created by society and be nothing but a sexy lamp (read the book you’ll get where I’m coming from) to impress men, then fuck, I don’t want to be a decent woman.
I am obsessed with the Instagram page @tindertranslators so it’s no surprise I was, and still am, obsessed with this book.

This book has given me the confidence and confirmation that my standards and expectations aren’t too high, and that there’s nothing wrong with knowing what I want from dating apps and the boundaries I set for interactions on said apps.
I love how Aunty Aileen constantly speaks to the reader and tells us our worth. I support women supporting women ♥️

My one gripe is the colour of the book, as I am waaaay too alternative for fucking neon pink. Kinda ironic, since you can’t judge something or someone by the way they look but by what’s inside. Don’t judge by the colour of the book my fellow alternative/goth/emo people.
Conclusion: raise the bar ladies. We’re worth more than what we get.

“Women are my fortress and my inspiration. Women built and sustain me… the idea that being remarkable or hilarious or cool or bright or strong has anything to do with other women not being remarkable or hilarious or cool or bright or strong is the biggest pile of shit I’ve ever heard… I know I am those things because of other women, not in spite of them.”

[Rae · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those books that is funny until it's just plain depressing.

Aileen Barratt dissects Tinder toxicity with humour, precision, and an uncompromising attitude. For the mostpart, this is an entertaining and validating book.

I don't agree with all her conclusions. In my opinion, no one has a right to judge whether someone's reasons for not dating someone with kids or other characteristics is "valid". And "let's see what happens" is a perfectly reasonable attitude to have (especially for those of us who are scared of leading someone on or disappointing someone.)

Despite a few overgeneralisations (and sometimes coming across as a bit judgemental), Tinder Translator gives funny, observant, incisive commentary on the misogyny present in the everyday interactions of the online dating world. It'll be horribly familiar to anyone who has spent any time online dating.

Aileen Barratt has a brilliant way of expressing the issues, hitting the nail on the head again and again. It makes me despair of modern dating.

Taken with a pinch of salt, this is a cathartic and entertaining book, with a more sober underlying message: we shouldn't be settling for this nonsense.

[Maddie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly the chapter where she translates "Looking to date and see what happens" was absolutely * chefs kiss * beautiful. Can't stop thinkin about it.
For real though, she spits facts - most of these common phrases used on dating apps are men trying to shrink women into objects that have no emotions and no voice.
My only criticism would be that she could have talked more about the actual larger societal implications in the future. Gen z and millennials appear to have made the sexual revolution go too far imo cause its led to this really sad era where misogyny is making a comeback on dating apps :(

[Bethany Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

i feel like some people may say this is too intro level but i lowkey loved this book… quick, funny, and so so validating for any young woman that has fallen victim to horrible hinge messages or messy situationships. i wish i could have read this at like 20/21 bc it probably would have saved me a great deal of mental anguish and therapy $

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved everything about this! Except the misogynistic a*holes depicted obviously! Who likes those?

I enjoyed the way this book was structured and obviously the author is hilarious. She manages to add a much needed amount of sarcasm to make all the behaviors bearable!

One of the most fun things about this is the names of dudes going with the alphabetical chapters! I will never forget Keith the kinky accountant or Eric the „Entrepreneur“ :D

[Savanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love love loved this book!!! Absolutely hilarious from start to finish and addressed multiple aspects of misogyny that are alive and well in dating apps today as well as outer society. I would highly recommend if you’d like a good laugh.

[Olivia Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is brilliantly funny, very insightful and generally a fantastic book.
Its hilarious but also addresses real issues that many people face, if was truly enlightening and I thoroughly enjoyed it. 5*

[Zoe Cameron · Rating 5 out of 5]

A short read but absolutely hits the nail on the head 👍🏽.

Aileen covers so much of the spectrum of misogyny in todays landscape from a dating app point of view.

If you don’t follow her on Instagram, you must.

[Megan French · Rating 5 out of 5]

At the time of this review; I’ve been online dating on and off for 5 years and to say that it’s been one of the most significant sources of trauma in my life would not be an exaggeration. The learning curve is steep and I am more sure than ever now that sexuality is not a choice given that to date men voluntarily is an exercise is masochism. In other words, I once saw a meme that said dating men is an extreme sport and they’re right about that.

Anyhow, I came across this book and given all of this, it sounded right up my alley. All I have to say is that I’m so glad I’m not the only one seeing this shit against my will on various dating platforms, and calling men out on their collective shit is my new brand of heroin. Also it was humorous which made a quite depressing topic more enjoyable.

[jaz ₍ᐢ. ̫.ᐢ₎]

I don’t feel comfortable rating non fiction books but I will say this, Tinder Translator is a humorous take on modern dating and the sexism women face day to day, I loved this book and it brought up serious issues in such a translatable way.

[Sofía Cerdeira · Rating 4 out of 5]

No puedo recomendar este libro mas!! es perfecto para mujeres que están dating, en búsqueda de una relación aunque también es una buena lectura si estás en una relación.

El libro es gracioso y de una manera bastante ligera te explica las distintas maneras en las que se expresa el machismo. Muchas señales no las vemos! (tampoco nos enseñan) y este libro me gusto mucho, porque te las explica bastante bien. Hay machismos que pasan desapercibidos y es *necesario* identificarlo desde el inicio, no pongas tu bienestar en riesgo, por eso este libro es importante, te explica 25 tipos de machismo que puedes encontrarte cuando empiezas a hablar con un hombre. 10/10

En fin, no bajes tus estándares por un hombre, no te tienes que conformar, habla con tus amigas! entre mujeres nos cuidamos<3

[Eliz S · Rating 5 out of 5]

Spectacular. So accurate, so well said and funny. Agreed with every single point.

[Kelsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

“The idea that being remarkable or hilarious or cool or bright or strong has anything to do with other women not being remarkable or hilarious or cool or bright or strong is the biggest pile of shit I’ve ever heard. Personally, I know I am those things because of other women, not in spite of them.” Love this

[Mica Kingston · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun read for any woman who’s ever been on a dating app before

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fantastic and truly needed book! An absolute must read for anyone navigating (or contemplating) the murky depths of the online world.
This book demands you look deeper, ask more questions, flag concerns within yourself and just take the bloody blinkers off!
It also provoked a lot of thought in relation to all of my past relationships, and my standard style of diving in before thinking, seeing the red flags and thinking it was a carnival, and continuing to gasp for air as I bounced from one toxic relationship to the other.
I only wish this book existed back in 2013. But alas, I was destined to blindly fall for my ex husband online and learn some very big lessons! One star, do not recommend!
Do the world, and women everywhere a favour and read this book. And then profusely thank the author for opening your eyes just a little bit more, lifting your game and raising your bar.

[Roen Boyd · Rating 4 out of 5]

So fun

[Brb_busyreading · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wasn’t a great read. It basically broke down what everything meant on tinder that people wrote in their bios. Eg “no drama” “no single mums” “must not be vanilla”. Unless you are 100% committed to dating or finding someone on tinder I wouldn’t recommend this book. Basically everything that is wrote on peoples tinder has a double meaning lol there isn’t a straight forward, normal, decent person out there 😂 obviously it is all aimed towards men and this book was written for women.

[N. Wiklund · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a happily married woman, this book didn't give me that much. As maybe it shouldn't, because it is aimed at those using dating apps. I picked it up as I thought it would teach me more about misogyny, which it did. There are men in my life, where I can see similar traits, and perhaps now I can have open discussions with them, as a friend, as to how they could be perceived. I give 4 stars, because the book was well-written, easy to read and made me laugh. Plus, I liked the suggestions at the back for further reading. I would recommend this book to my single friends, and already have!

[Sarah K · Rating 5 out of 5]

This absolute Queen should be on the PSHE syllabus at school

I’ve followed Aileen as Tinder Translators on insta for ages: I love her sharp wit and active intersectional feminism. Here she further unpacks the rampant misogyny in the world of o line dating. Required reading for any woman venturing into the murky pond.

[Alice Bloomfield · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️✨

This book takes a lot of the messages from the @tindertranslators instagram and places them in a book for convenient gifting. There is a breadth of topics from generalised misogyny of online dating to domestic and sexual abuse. I would have loved if the chapters were a bit longer with more examples/detail but it is an easy to digest social commentary on modern dating.

[Claudia · Rating 3 out of 5]

An easy read, not THAT insightful but nevertheless a fun and accessible read. Grammatical error on P35 which made me doubt the book and I felt that some of the chapters which had no explanation were a bit of a cop out. Love that there were recommendations at the end of the book tho!

[Madison · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was really funny (in a cynical sort of way) and way too relatable. I really wish some of the chapters went a bit deeper and had more research/discussion because they were really interesting but I wanted to know more and dive into the topics further.

[Valerya · Rating 3 out of 5]

Entertaining read. However, it’s no wonder men don’t put effort towards her, as they do not wish to date her.
You are not playing the game to appeal to the demographic you’re attempting to seduce, and then complain when men don’t overlook it.

[Maggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nothing groundbreaking, but a good, fun read based on the popular instagram.

[Linda Rowan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nothing new or groundbreaking for me, but a quick, easy 'fun' read, and I loved her sarcasm, so I've rounded up!

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insightful, witty, candid and a delightfully pithy reminder that the bar is indeed on the ground.

[Charlee Furness · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like it and liked the casual discussion and the sociological discussion about the way in which dating works

[✨ Maude ✨ · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not the most insightful thing I’ve read about dating while both the sense of humour and writing were clunky and awkward to me.

[cypher · Rating 1 out of 5]

"misogyny"...this is not the right book to talk about that.
the author herself says that Tinder is a place where people go to hook up (mainly, JUST sex, translation), but then she goes and asks herself, the world, and men, why you don't end up finding the guy who wants to, basically, get married ("more effort" - a serious relationship? what is the end desire from Tinder? marriage, stability, lies as an opposite to the Tinder-casual, not serious...what most people use it these days for), on the app...where people mainly go looking for, basically, the opposite...honestly, if you don't like the offer, knowing what Tinder is used for, don't be on Tinder. this issue is beyond "misogyny".
second, talk about over-analysing every single thing, again, on a platform where, again, even the author said, people mainly go to hook up...NO DRAMA (as the book said, IN CAPS). most of the things were misinterpreted to some extreme, i assume to prove some point that...men on Tinder should want to marry (?), and put in more than casual effort, when, again, most, as it was said, are there because they want a one-night-stand or something casual. don't be on Tinder if you want something else then, instead of trying to fight all that in a book to convince the world the problem is Tinder and the desire for casual (and that's not quite "misogyny"). then they (the men) should write something in their bio, but then if they write something which the author did not like (or decided to over-analyse), that's also not good...i was barely holding on to the book at this point, it was being a bit hypocritical.
are some people aggressive on Tinder (like on other social media platforms, Twitter being a good example)? yes, it's gonna generally follow the statistics in the population. is it focused on sexual things and the people directly? yes, because...it's the place where people, as it was said, go to hook up. can that make everything look and feel worse? most likely.
i don't particularly like Tinder (although, i understand its purpose/use for people), but i can't say i agree with this book. it's just approaching the subject wrong.

(maybe it's better to go on an app where it's clear that both parties are looking for something serious, then people can avoid being upset that the other does not want what they want, and they can "put more effort" into a relationship, because they actually want it...there are apps for that too, and that's not gonna be Tinder...maybe they should do "Tinder-casual" and "Tinder-serious", as a "switch" button style feature where you set yourself to be visible only for the ones with the same setting...to have people be less disappointed when their expectations are not met...maybe they have that already, i wouldn't know, i've always kept myself away from Tinder...if not, they should all add "lone wolf", according to the book)

1 star, because the subject of "misogyny" is approached wrong here. this book would have been better written as something like: look at all the ridiculous things people do and say on a platform where people go looking for casual sex (and, yes, some would actually classify as sexist, but not really "i'm looking for someone who can hold a conversation", i need to be honest...as a woman, and some men are like that too, i'd also be looking for someone who can hold a conversation, it's only fair, or looking for someone who can make me laugh, or whatever else was criticised as "misogyny" in this book but is actually quite reasonable...or things like the "height", where the author is insisting you should stop having some preference, when you do...this was getting close to telling you you can pick to be gay or straight...what's wrong with liking something specifically, or ideally? this an app where that matters, where the indent is to have you matched with someone who fits what you're looking for...you're not gonna fit every potential's ideal, and that should be ok, it should not matter, i know men who want women close their own height and men who want the opposite, and that's fine...or, there's something wrong with liking tattoos? and having that in your bio...and there's also nothing wrong with paying 50-50...talk about gender roles, the author is critical about gender roles in other chapters, but in here she's implying it's ok for just him to pay, but then she also says it does not matter who pays...that chapter kinda sounded like it does)...and this was written in 2022, not at the beginnings of Tinder (2012).

# inked myself :) it should be ok (definitely not "misogyny", let's be honest).

[Joseph Hirsch · Rating 3 out of 5]

“That show Blind Date makes masturbation look like a spiritual quest.” – Bill Hicks
What would Bill Hicks think of Tinder, Bumble, and other dating apps? It’s probably a good thing that lung cancer spared him the indignities of a fully interconnected world. The world includes too many people you don’t want to be connected with. The dating apps also seem to show these people at their worst.
Aileen Wuornos—er, Barratt—claims to have the decoder ring when it comes to the stock phrases dudebros and assorted douchebag cishet white men use on dating and hookup apps. She’s alphabetized the list, and broken the pathologies down in easy-to-read chapters.
Some of her observations are funny: i.e. that men calling themselves entrepreneurs are usually going nowhere, and pose before expensive cars (in dealership lots) to give the impression they’re wealthy. It’s the male equivalent of those “snapchat filters” girls use to overlay their actually appearances with weird digital masks.
Some of her observations are disconcerting, like the fact that there are men who are married, with children, looking for flings on the apps. Their profiles usually contain caveats about “Not judging before you know,” or words to that effect. But, as Mx. Barratt points out, “the oath taken said for better or worse,” which includes dry spells and postpartum recovery periods for women who maybe aren’t in the mood. But if marriage (like everything else bad) is the result of the patriarchy, why should anyone honor their vows? Her analysis seems derived from dialectical materialism (or at least the women’s studies derivation of it) and Georg Simmel’s theory of marriage as codified prostitution would seem to apply.
But Barratt doesn’t deal with this contradiction, probably because she doesn’t see it, or anything else she doesn’t wish to see. To wit: in the section on sexual fetishization of the exotic other (Edward Said comes to mind), she mentions the European fetish with Asian women and their supposed docility. She also mentions white women’s colonial-plantation derived fetishes of the black male, i.e. the “black buck” trope perpetuated by D.W. Griffith and others, including David Duke. Missing in her analysis is...well, every other kind of racial fetishization one could imagine. Suffice it to say that if I had a dollar for every time I heard black guys talking about “white bitches,” during my stint in the Army, I wouldn’t be writing this review from Cincinnati, Ohio. I would be relaxing on my private island somewhere in the Maldives.
A few of her entries are sad, especially the one about men not wanting to be in a relationship with a woman who has children. Barratt has a child, and apparently had a very nasty experience with her husband their last few years together. She admirably says one should keep their dating life far from their child’s homelife, especially in the early going. But it’s clear she also sometimes thinks Jr. crimps her style, or at least she’s developed a bit of a complex about being a single mom (or “mum,” as they say in her country.)
I feel for her, and for every other man and woman adrift in this sad sea of digital anomie. I’m not sure what the solution to the problem is, except maybe the Fall of the West (stand by for that) or at least the collapse of our energy grid, which would take the internet with it. Sure, it would make life less convenient for a while, but it would improve the mental health of a lot of people, especially a lot of young women.
Regardless, a fascinating peek into a well-scarred psyche. Good luck to her, and her kid.