What do you think?
Rate this book
I Have Never Felt Alive
I HAVE NEVER FELT ALIVE is a fast-paced, slice-of-life, coming-of-age story about Ryan, who returns to his hometown to visit his ailing mother over a chaotic weekend. While there, he reconnects with old friends and his on-again, off-again girlfriend, falling back into the trappings of alcohol, drugs, and sex and confronting his past, his parents’ expectations, and his uncertain future.
180 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 28, 2025
3 people are currently reading
33 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
February 2, 2025
In just over 100 pages, the author tells the story of a young adult returning to his hometown. He is reminded of his adolescence and of some of the things that never change in a small town. I think this was a well done depiction of a small town. The protagonist started off quite annoying to me as he offered no reaction to many of the terrible things that were occurring around him but he grew on me and we slowly learned more about him. AJ was extremely intriguing and I think his story was very well done through the juxtaposition of him and the people he complains about.
Read this one thanks to #netgalley !
Read this one thanks to #netgalley !
January 16, 2025
In “I Have Never Felt Alive,” the author masterfully captures the essence of small-town life in New England, a place I know all too well from my own upbringing in a former factory city in southern New England. The novel created a vivid atmosphere for me right from the opening pages, pulling me into a world so familiar that you can almost taste the stale air of the local dive bar, feel the grime of the bathroom floor (because contrary to popular belief both men and women’s bathrooms are quite disgusting at those kind of establishments), and feel the bass from the DJ’s speakers in the background.
The novel follows Ryan, a character who returns to his hometown, and through his eyes, we are introduced to a place haunted by not only the failing of its industrial past, but drugs, poverty, and violence. Throughout the story Ryan struggles with an almost existential question of whether he will ever truly feel alive—whether he’s ever been happy or if he’s just been simply existing. Yet, despite it all the pull of staying and of leaving seems to weigh heavily on Ryan.
What makes the novel truly compelling are its characters. They are flawed, complex, and often unlikable, yet undeniably relatable. Each character carries the weight of their past, their choices, and their unfulfilled dreams, making them feel like real people you might recognize from your own life or past.
The book isn't long, but its brevity doesn’t diminish its power. There’s a quiet tension running through the story, a feeling that something lurks just beneath the surface—whether it's the simmering frustration of those stuck in a place that only seems to get worse, the uncertainty surrounding Ryan’s future, or the pull of peer pressure and the longing to cling to familiar relationships. It’s a strikingly realistic depiction of small-town New England, a place where the past lingers in every corner and where people are often stuck in the inertia of their lives. “I Have Never Felt Alive” is not only a strikingly realistic depiction of small-town New England, it is a reminder of how easy it is to feel both disconnected and deeply tied to the places and people that shape us.
The novel follows Ryan, a character who returns to his hometown, and through his eyes, we are introduced to a place haunted by not only the failing of its industrial past, but drugs, poverty, and violence. Throughout the story Ryan struggles with an almost existential question of whether he will ever truly feel alive—whether he’s ever been happy or if he’s just been simply existing. Yet, despite it all the pull of staying and of leaving seems to weigh heavily on Ryan.
What makes the novel truly compelling are its characters. They are flawed, complex, and often unlikable, yet undeniably relatable. Each character carries the weight of their past, their choices, and their unfulfilled dreams, making them feel like real people you might recognize from your own life or past.
The book isn't long, but its brevity doesn’t diminish its power. There’s a quiet tension running through the story, a feeling that something lurks just beneath the surface—whether it's the simmering frustration of those stuck in a place that only seems to get worse, the uncertainty surrounding Ryan’s future, or the pull of peer pressure and the longing to cling to familiar relationships. It’s a strikingly realistic depiction of small-town New England, a place where the past lingers in every corner and where people are often stuck in the inertia of their lives. “I Have Never Felt Alive” is not only a strikingly realistic depiction of small-town New England, it is a reminder of how easy it is to feel both disconnected and deeply tied to the places and people that shape us.
January 22, 2025
I have to admit that I don’t think I’m the intended audience for this Story. The title snagged my attention and I can see the intention but it failed to resonate with me.
It’s a great story about the misanthropic state of the world and the way you never truly escape a small town. The monotony is overwhelming and the escapist tactics by the kids who never got out are layered brilliantly with intrusive thoughts by the main character.
I wish that I had more of a connection with this story, I’m not sure if it’s the gender difference or a culture disconnect on my end. I think it’s a worthy read for anyone wanting to expand their literature and really question their morality.
It’s a great story about the misanthropic state of the world and the way you never truly escape a small town. The monotony is overwhelming and the escapist tactics by the kids who never got out are layered brilliantly with intrusive thoughts by the main character.
I wish that I had more of a connection with this story, I’m not sure if it’s the gender difference or a culture disconnect on my end. I think it’s a worthy read for anyone wanting to expand their literature and really question their morality.
January 13, 2025
Ryan really thought everything would be all the same when he returned back home. Little did he know that people change… or did he really truly believe he knew them well.
This was a male pov/ coming-of-age with no character development. The MC faces many challenges returning back to his hometown. Having to face reality. It’s a very complex story of real life issues. And choosing wisely over oneself future or who you surround yourself with.
The importance of education and continuing to grow vs. falling into the wrong path.
This was a male pov/ coming-of-age with no character development. The MC faces many challenges returning back to his hometown. Having to face reality. It’s a very complex story of real life issues. And choosing wisely over oneself future or who you surround yourself with.
The importance of education and continuing to grow vs. falling into the wrong path.
January 30, 2025
Received a free copy of I Have Never Felt Alive through Netgalley.
I Have Never Felt Alive was an emotional read. It could speak to readers who struggle with adjusting to adulthood when they cling to past relationships that aren’t healthy anymore. I certainly understood Ryan’s struggle with morality; is he a good person? He makes many half-assed promises but I believe meaningful at the moment.
I struggled with this read because of how lustful Ryan and his friends are. I won’t get it wrong, the way Ryan ogles women and constantly thinks about sex with any woman he encounters is identical to how he needs alcohol and drugs. Sex, drinking, and drugs are what he needs to ease his mind when he’s losing his ability to keep calm. It just got hard to keep reading about how wide girls’ asses are and how much he wants to pull someone aside to have sex with. I wonder if it’s okay for me to bump down stars because of how uncomfortable I was with Ryan’s sexual thoughts when it’s obviously depicted as flawed, wrong, even.
I Have Never Felt Alive is a quick read, and I recommend it to readers looking for a story about the loss of childhood glee, uncertainty about the future, and regret for past decisions. What would I have done differently? I should have done this, or that. It may not be fit for readers sensitive to the MC’s constant sexual thoughts like I was.
I’d definitely pick up another book by Whitney. Maybe I couldn’t appreciate Ryan’s character more because I don’t manage emotional situations like he does.
I Have Never Felt Alive was an emotional read. It could speak to readers who struggle with adjusting to adulthood when they cling to past relationships that aren’t healthy anymore. I certainly understood Ryan’s struggle with morality; is he a good person? He makes many half-assed promises but I believe meaningful at the moment.
I struggled with this read because of how lustful Ryan and his friends are. I won’t get it wrong, the way Ryan ogles women and constantly thinks about sex with any woman he encounters is identical to how he needs alcohol and drugs. Sex, drinking, and drugs are what he needs to ease his mind when he’s losing his ability to keep calm. It just got hard to keep reading about how wide girls’ asses are and how much he wants to pull someone aside to have sex with. I wonder if it’s okay for me to bump down stars because of how uncomfortable I was with Ryan’s sexual thoughts when it’s obviously depicted as flawed, wrong, even.
I Have Never Felt Alive is a quick read, and I recommend it to readers looking for a story about the loss of childhood glee, uncertainty about the future, and regret for past decisions. What would I have done differently? I should have done this, or that. It may not be fit for readers sensitive to the MC’s constant sexual thoughts like I was.
I’d definitely pick up another book by Whitney. Maybe I couldn’t appreciate Ryan’s character more because I don’t manage emotional situations like he does.
January 27, 2025
"I Have Never Felt Alive" by Christian Gilman Whitney is a raw and insightful exploration of the transition from adolescence to adulthood in a dying small town. The novel covers significant ground in just three pivotal days of Ryan's life, portraying a young man at a critical inflection point.
The story follows Ryan as he grapples with the life he's building away from his hometown, questioning whether it aligns with his true desires and if his life up to this point has had any significance at all. Whitney skillfully captures the sense of potential that lies ahead, coupled with the fear and confusion of making life-altering choices. The characters are flawed but relatable, each dealing with the nihilism that permeates their declining small town.
The novel is more explicit than expected, but it serves the story well. The abrupt ending leaves lingering questions, adding to the overall sense of uncertainty that the characters face.
While the book can be a bit of a depressing read, it offers a thoughtful look at the challenges of early adulthood. The author's ability to convey the characters' inner turmoil and the oppressive atmosphere of a dying town is commendable.
Thanks to NetGalley and Atmosphere Press for the early read of the ARC of this book.
The story follows Ryan as he grapples with the life he's building away from his hometown, questioning whether it aligns with his true desires and if his life up to this point has had any significance at all. Whitney skillfully captures the sense of potential that lies ahead, coupled with the fear and confusion of making life-altering choices. The characters are flawed but relatable, each dealing with the nihilism that permeates their declining small town.
The novel is more explicit than expected, but it serves the story well. The abrupt ending leaves lingering questions, adding to the overall sense of uncertainty that the characters face.
While the book can be a bit of a depressing read, it offers a thoughtful look at the challenges of early adulthood. The author's ability to convey the characters' inner turmoil and the oppressive atmosphere of a dying town is commendable.
Thanks to NetGalley and Atmosphere Press for the early read of the ARC of this book.
August 5, 2025
Loved it.
January 28, 2025
This a quick read
Ryan is back in town, unlike many from this area Ryan is one who made it out and finds himself in the big city of Boston. All his friends know he is back to go visit his mother someone he never seems to find the time to go see and he wants to see his pops as his diner and maybe help out a little. But most of all he wants to see his friends and on and off girlfriend who all seem to be stuck in a town where the highlight of the week is which is everyone going to this week or where is the big party at. Ryan finds that many things stay the same and never change but that will not be the case for a close friend.
Ryan is back in town, unlike many from this area Ryan is one who made it out and finds himself in the big city of Boston. All his friends know he is back to go visit his mother someone he never seems to find the time to go see and he wants to see his pops as his diner and maybe help out a little. But most of all he wants to see his friends and on and off girlfriend who all seem to be stuck in a town where the highlight of the week is which is everyone going to this week or where is the big party at. Ryan finds that many things stay the same and never change but that will not be the case for a close friend.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews