Cuando me destrocé el páncreas, empecé a vivir

My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness #6

by Kabi Nagata, Luis Alis (translator)

Kabi Nagata, en una nueva historia autobiográfica que continúa con lo relatado en Acabé hecha un trapo huyendo de la realidad, intenta dejar el alcohol por los problemas que le acarrea: una nueva pancreatitis y hospitalización, mientras la pandemia mundial de la Covid-19 se desarrolla. El último trabajo de Kabi Nagata retoma sus orígenes. Un debate interno de la autora en su continuo intento por recuperar el bienestar.

Genres: Manga, Graphic Novels, Comics, Nonfiction, Memoir, Queer, LGBT

160 pages, Hardcover

Published December 5, 2024

About the author

Nagata Kabi is a Japanese manga artist best known for My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness. Nagata has been drawing for as long as she can remember.

Reviews

[Bethany]

Someday I will finish a Kabi Nagata book and not feel worried about her. This was not that book.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will constantly root for Nagata, but every installment I have to think, "please get the help you need." Never getting another Nagata release would actually be a good thing because the homey goes through it and then gives us a run down of how bad it really was.

I really appreciated her being open and honest about her condition and the little epilogue encouraging others on the same path to stay strong. I love that her parents support her so hard, and at the end of the day just want the same thing for her that I do.

Girl, idk you but ily and I genuinely hope you're doing better

[Rod Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

I find Kabi Nagata's books terribly frustrating to read. I just keep wanting to yell at her to stop doing what she's doing as I turn page after page of bad decisions.

I'll keep reading her books, because who can turn away from such a trainwreck, but they are hell on my blood pressure.

[LaVonne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Other people have said this better than me but I hope she’s able to get some help soon.

[Mateus Passos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Este é o sexto volume da série autobiográfica da Kabi Nagata (que começou com Minha Experiência Lésbica com a Solidão). Mais uma vez, vemos novas formas de autodestruição e autocomiseração da protagonista, que relata sua recuperação de um episódio de pancreatite resultante de um alcoolismo extremo, iniciando a narrativa já por um episódio de fuga do hospital.

David Schaafsma, professor e crítico literário, comparou em sua resenha aqui no Goodreads as obras de Nagata e obras de horror - e, de fato, os momentos mais extremos fazem lembrar o body horror, especialmente, com bastante nojeira. O mais impactante é pensar que esse é um horror da vida real, de uma pessoa com depressão crônica que está sempre se autosabotando (embora consiga ainda fazer suas HQs). Num momento desta obra ela expressa sua frustração por não conseguir desenvolver mangás de ficção - que preferiria fazer porque seus quadrinhos autobiográficos sempre fazem seus pais chorarem. Em outro, ela expressa certo alívio por ter a crise de pancreatite porque teria assunto para mais um mangá de não ficção…

O sétimo volume está saindo agora nos EUA e trata da compulsão alimentar de Nagata. Ou seja, mais autodestruição e autocomiseração. Vou ler? Claro!

[Nicolas Lontel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Les expériences de vie en BD de Kabi Nagata sont complexes et peuvent être d'excellentes portent d'entrée dans l'expérience et le vécu d'une personne vivant avec X ou Y problème. Elles peuvent aussi, je crois, être de très bons livres qui accompagnent un proche ou même une personne vivant avec ces problèmes.

Toutefois, après 5 autres mangas autobiographiques, cette sixième BD n'apporte pas nécessairement de nouvelle pierre narrative ou un nouvel angle sur le travail qu'elle fait déjà depuis plusieurs années. Ce n'est pas un problème en soi, elle a tenté la fiction sans succès (et elle revient brièvement sur cette expérience dans ce manga) et ce sont aussi ses expériences, son vécu (et ça fonctionne aussi, je pense, au niveau des ventes ce qui justifie de continuer dans cette voie).

Je pense qu'il y a juste une fatigue pour moi de lire les expériences d'une personne qui commence peut-être plus à s'éloigner de la curiosité et de la découverte et que j'ai l'impression de plus en plus de m'immiscer dans la vie privée de cette personne et ce n'est plus nécessairement ma tasse de thé.

[Josefína Čejková · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did in fact get addicted to Nagata Kabi’s writing and artwork and inhaled “My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness” and this back to back…
She just has such an open attitude to talking about her struggles, which most people who have never struggled mentally would deem “gross” or “weird”. To me, it’s just incredibly freeing to see someone talk about their struggles so vulnerably, even if I may not directly relate to all of them.

[carla · Rating 3 out of 5]

este tiene una estructura un poco rara y es bastante repetitivo (unas 40 páginas son de resumen del otro manga sobre su páncreas). además me frustra mucho, pero no la voy a juzgar porque suficiente tiene la chavala

[Jenn Malzone · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was frustrating and not a book I'd recommend for sobriety inspiration.

[Rocío · Rating 3 out of 5]

Qué buena es Kabi Nagata (y cómo mola Fandogamia). Que su estilo cuqui no lleve a engaño a nadie, es una historia jodida.

[Meepelous · Rating 3 out of 5]

And today's pick is My Pancreas Broke But My Life Got Better written and illustrated by Nagata Kabi - translated to English by Jocelyne Allen. Originally published in 2022, the English version was published in late 2023 by Seven Seas Entertainment.

Technically the sixth installment in Kabi's diary series since My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness.

And while I do generally try and just review series in one or two videos and not get stuck making blow by blow accounts like this, each instalments continues to be fairly short/stand alone and so I continue to justify this to myself.

This manga is rated for older teens. Content notes obviously for tough medical crises stuff, also nudity, ed, harmful substance use, internal organs are turned into little cute characters, and sex.

Keywords that came to mind: pandemic, coping strategies, care, orange, and mental health.

Digging a bit deeper into the material, while covering different events there is a fair amount of overlap in themes with My Alcoholic Escape From Reality which was originally published in 2019. Although of course this time around we are in the heat of global covid mitigation efforts. Nagata is self aware of this second cycle through pancreatitis and highlights what they already know about the treatment process and how they really really really really really need to quit drinking this time around.

Reading through Kabi's work can be a bit of an emotional whirlwind and one hopes that they can find some stability. Although their current literary success does seem predicated on the chaos continuing... Such is life under capitalism I suppose.

I would have appreciated some more reflection on the Japanese health system as a whole, but it's not too surprising that didn't happen. Fish rarely question the water they are swimming in. after all.

The art continues to be extremely expressive and dynamic. I feel like we get more line detail then in some of the earlier comics. It did take me this long to realize that orange books are the hospital books and pink has been more focused on non medical self realizations; with a particular focus on relationships generally.

Looking at the writing side of things, Nagata's skills are really clear in the way they continue to deliver stories that feel relatable on a super human level. Highlight things that most people don't want to share about themselves and keep a certain dark humor about it all. An inside look at a level of self-sabotage that can be mystifying to some people. Not to me, but to some people.

Looking at the intersections I try to highlight in each of my reviews. We skip past race, sexuality, gender, place, and class to exclusively focus on disability. A very unusual state of things honestly.

And before we wrap up I feel like pointing out some other queer diary manga. So if you haven't already read I would recommend X Gender Volumes 1 & 2 by Asuka Miyazaki, The Girl That Can’t Get A Girlfriend by Mieri Hiranishi, and looking beyond manga we'll mention Gender Slices by Jey Pawlik because the style felt more similar then different.

To conclude, an interesting read. Obviously I've read these volumes pretty spread out; I wonder what it would be like to come to these in quick succession. Another interesting instalment and a very solid three stars.

[Robert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sequel to My Alcoholic Escape from Reality. Probably the grossest of these memoirs. In this one Nagata seems like she gets serious about quitting drinking. It's mostly about how Nagata decides to seek treatment for alcoholism and alcohol induced ailments. All of the memoirs by Nagata I've read end with me thinking she needs to find more help, and this one is no exception, but it's a little less worrying than the end of Alcoholic Escape from Reality.

[Mia Ferraioli · Rating 4 out of 5]

Trigger Warnings: Eating Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, Alcoholism, Hospitalization, Bad Mental Health. This one goes especially hard on the trigger warnings, so be warned.

It feels weird to write a review on a memoir because it's so personal, and it gets out everything Nagata Kabi couldn't say due to her severe social anxiety and depression (among the few problems she has). So I'm just going to say a few words that sum everything up.

This work is like Part 2 of My Alcoholic Escape From Reality (a manga I have read and is sitting on my shelf now), published a few years ago. It rehashes a lot of stuff from My Alcoholic Escape from Reality, which ends up becoming repetitive while adding newer and more detailed stories that are compelling, given the morbid fascination of the subject matter. Regardless, the prologue is intense, and for me, this is where it gets heavy with the triggers: It starts with her admission into the hospital for pancreatitis once, her escape, and her subsequent breakdown in her apartment. One of the scenes is funny, where we meet one of her roommates, the Sonic Boom Granny, who annoys her, and everything is super loud with her. Sonic Boom Granny got a chuckle out of me. Another scene with her dad telling her she's a treasure is moving. Her parents trying to help and be supportive was a little heartwarming, considering Nagata Kabi herself wrote: "This support from my parents was more effective than all the things I'd done to try and quit drinking (pg. 123)."

It's also a realistic reflection of addiction, as most people relapse. It shows her attempts to get clean in the first book didn't stick and that it took multiple desperate attempts to get there. And, while she's determined to stay sober, she's well aware that she may fall back into bad habits once more in the future. The subject matter is something not shown or talked about before, so seeing it written opens a door not many are privy to.

If you are looking for a happy, feel-good ending, you won't get it directly from this work. Nagata, unfortunately, has quite a few problems: bulimia, crippling social anxiety and ADHD. In addition to her diseases (both physical and mental ones), she notes that getting sober didn't change any of that; it just means that she's no longer drinking and destroying her organs. It's a grounded view of addiction and how it affects a person. If it helps, it does end on a somewhat positive note where she does mention those suffering like her aren't alone and hopes everyone gets help when she is running and fighting for help. It brings out an emphatic message to the readers.

Overall, this is a very intimidating and compelling memoir about struggles with alcoholism and addiction as a whole. It was slow at some points and could be disjointed, but it's getting out words and feelings that were otherwise hard to communicate and showing how hard addiction can be. I give it 4 out of 5 stars, and I hope if you can read this Nagata Kabi, you are doing better and getting the help you need and deserve. You deserve a big hug, a warm blanket, and peace of mind.

[M.]

I want her to take care of herself so bad after reading 6(?) volumes of her life. It is really great how making her doctor smile is motivation to keep going down a healthier path as she is, but I know life is messy and around the next corner there is a whole lot of unexpected. I'm glad her relationship with her parents seems better too and I think it's great to see how they became her crutch but I do wonder how the first volume coming out affects the story we get to see in the following ones.

I will continue to root for her, read her life story if she keeps allowing us to, vulnerability and honesty to the extent these volumes go is commendable. I do see comments online about how people relate to her compulsions and her urges and it did make me feel so warm inside to read about how she wants to show people they are not alone. And the scene with her dad in the morning light did make me slightly teary.

[Estibaliz · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5?

This manga is really such a mixed bag, and, in a way, I actually feel kind of bad for finding it weirdly engaging, since Nagata autobiographical stories are so often centered on her own personal pain, mental and physical illness, and her difficulties to actually communicate and engage with other human beings.

As a whole, the story was slightly disjointed and felt a bit repetitive, and I'm not sure how much value it has from an educational point of view, but it kind of works as an empathetic message: whoever is struggling with the same issues certainly is not alone, and as the author herself says, if she can get better, practically everyone else can...

[Mika Post · Rating 4 out of 5]

This manga really redeemed itself for me in the end. Most of it was hard to get through for me because it was lots of medical details that made me really uncomfortable and anxious. But the final message and how the manga ended were so hopeful and kind and reassuring, it really made me feel good by the end.

One other thing I will note about this volume is that the translation seemed worse somehow. This and the volume before it had lots of weird sentences and thoughts that went nowhere. This is definitely a Japanese-to-English problem, and I wonder if the translator changed?

I would probably recommend to anyone who has addiction problems or life motivation problems (unless reading about someone else's would trigger them.)

[Nadina · Rating 3 out of 5]

The artwork itself wasn't bad. I liked that the book referenced back to the other's in the authors series while also summarizing the topic that was being referenced so that it is not required for the reader to have read previous volumes of the authors autobiographical manga to be able to read this one.
I gave it average ratings because personally the topic of the book was not relatable and was not for me. I read this book in order to complete a reading challenge prompt.
I wouldn't say don't read it, I am just not sure it is a book I would recommend.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think her style has gotten stronger if more loose and flowy. Could have used a little more story or insight but I get that this is a rehash of the first incident in a way for her. I can't wait for the next volume!

[sofía · Rating 4 out of 5]

the scene of here taking w/ her dad in the morning.... it's so weird to be able to peak into a stranger's life i see them and their relationships develop, artificial intimacy but intimacy all the same

[Talia · Rating 4 out of 5]

loooove her. forever rooting for my girl. feel a deep connection and warmth from her writing. really allows the audience raw insight into her life

[jude · Rating 4 out of 5]

definitely a bit more hopeful thank her other books, thank god. sure hope she's doing okay.

[Noora · Rating 4 out of 5]

NAGATAAAAAA 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 IM SO PROUD OF YOUUU 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm always rooting for Nagata Kabi. I want her to be well, as some of her struggles I've also dealt with. This manga was a lot, from her pancreatitis and alcoholism and eating disorder, but I appreciate how open and honest she is with her struggles. The ending really cemented a 4 star review for me. Her reminding people that you're not alone if you're struggling with alcoholism and trying to stay sober.

[Jonah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This pairs well with "My Alcoholic Escape from Reality", but doesn't feel as "new" as the solo exchange diaries did. Hoping she publishes more about other aspects of her life in the future

[Marj Gaber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kabi Nagata's work is as resonate and too real as ever. As a person also semi-constantly obsessing over meeting standards of adulthood and often driven by anxiety, Nagata's work makes me feel seen like nothing else. Great story about backsliding, recovery, and the support you need to stay okay.

[Hesbell · Rating 3 out of 5]

A large portion of this volume was recapping and reiterating what happened in previous volumes. :(

I am glad that Nagata has discovered one of the roots of her unhappiness: poor communication. I hope that she will have the strength to work on it and to fight her compulsions.

[Richard Ströberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

An entertaining and very honest tale of alcoholism and the writer behaving poorly in relation to her health and hospitals.

[Madison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another hit from Nagata. She’s the only mangaka I’ve read non-fiction from and I always enjoy seeing her being honest and real with her personal stories. She doesn’t romanticize her lifestyle nor does she throw pity parties. Though I don’t struggle with alcoholism or any of the health issues she discusses in her mangas, I can imagine that it’s motivating to see someone with similar struggles discuss it openly like this.

[Noe · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think I’m finally done with this author, every volume gets more and more “absurd” with more and more problems and the behavior is starting to get insufferable to me.
I sound so harsh but oh well.
Hope they’ll get help instead of using problems to get money

[Noiiya · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would do anything for this book. Its so good!!! I LOVE THISSS!!!!